rlm@0: Why 
rlm@0: by Althea K. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: I know you couldn't possibly understand. And that's alright. I don't
rlm@0: expect you to. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: And I know that if I did try to explain it to you, you would protest
rlm@0: and say that I'm wrong, that no one will ever be more important to
rlm@0: you than I. And that's alright, too. Because I would know you didn't
rlm@0: mean to lie. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Someday, you'll be gone. Oh, sure, we might stay in touch:
rlm@0: occasional phone calls with long, uncomfortable silences, chance
rlm@0: meetings in public places involving forced, halting conversation and
rlm@0: maybe some awkward attempt at physical contact. But do you honestly
rlm@0: believe that as the years go by we'll be able to maintain this kind
rlm@0: of intensity? Believe me, there is nothing I would love more than to
rlm@0: remain forever the center of your universe, the focus of your life,
rlm@0: that routine yet joyous event that every day must be planned around.
rlm@0: I would love so much to spend my every moment by your side, to always
rlm@0: have your voice, rough with sleep, be the very first I hear when I
rlm@0: wake each morning. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: But this will never be my place. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: For now I can race through the streets with your hand clasped in
rlm@0: mine; for now I can collapse on the dewey grass with you, my head
rlm@0: resting on your soft belly until the last crazed traces of laughter
rlm@0: have faded from that violent hitching and heaving to the subtlety of
rlm@0: your gentle, steady breath. But there will come a time when I can no
rlm@0: longer crawl into bed with you and dream of your ever loving me as I
rlm@0: love you and pretend to feel your lips against my forehead as I drift
rlm@0: into sleep. There will come a time when there is another in that
rlm@0: place. This fortunate person will be honoured with that goodnight
rlm@0: kiss I have always secretly longed for but never could request from
rlm@0: you. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Our time together is so limited; I must cherish every moment I can
rlm@0: get. I must burn each and every moment into my memory, tuck each one
rlm@0: away for those bitter times ahead when I will have to watch you from
rlm@0: a distance, walking by his side. What else will keep me warm those
rlm@0: cold nights when you will run to his arms instead of mine? 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: There is no way to make you understand such things. I can see it in
rlm@0: your eyes, can feel it in your touch.. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: I wish you wouldn't ask me. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Whenever I can't answer a question of yours with total honesty, I
rlm@0: feel sick in my heart. I feel like I have lied to you, have somehow
rlm@0: let you down. But if I told you the whole truth, you wouldn't
rlm@0: understand. You simply wouldn't see. The innocence in your voice when
rlm@0: you ask me is enough to make this certain fact. What good would it do
rlm@0: to confuse you, perhaps to frighten you? I don't want to make you cry. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: And you would, wouldn't you? Cry and deny and cling to my arm.
rlm@0: Tangle loving fingers in my hair and tell me the end will never come.
rlm@0: Sing sweet lies to me, unable to see the truth through your tears of
rlm@0: naivety. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: I wish you could blind me with those tears. I wish that I didn't
rlm@0: have to see the lonely nights ahead of me with such perfect clarity.
rlm@0: I could put away my camera and grab your hand and dance with you
rlm@0: until the years fall away like sheets of silk.. I could... I could.. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: I could fall asleep on a pillow no longer damp with tears. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: I could enjoy each moment without the desperate need to capture it
rlm@0: on film. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: I could put away my camera without fear of missing anything.. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Oh.. I wish I could forget... 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Every smile... Every laugh... I must hold... forever. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: It may be the last you ever share with me. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: ---------------------------------------------------------------------
rlm@0: ----------- 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: (Legal Disclaimer: The characters and situations of Card Captor
rlm@0: Sakura belong to CLAMP and.. whoever else holds the rights.) 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: (Author's Note: If you want to use this fanfic on your website, want
rlm@0: to talk about anime lesbians, or don't know what the hell this fanfic
rlm@0: was about, please email me at either womanprince@hotmail.com or
rlm@0: poorjuri@hotmail.com. Thank you.)