rlm@0: 
rlm@0: AUTHOR'S NOTES: First of all, thank you so much for taking the time to read
rlm@0: this. I'm so very glad you bothered! This is my second shoujo ai fic. That
rlm@0: sounds terribly official, doesn't it? ^_^ I'm hoping to keep this under
rlm@0: three chapters, considering how many *other* fics I have going. Please send
rlm@0: feedback if you're so inclined!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: This isn't as dark as 'Conjure Me', and hopefully there's a little humor in
rlm@0: it as well. I can't resist the temptation to play with Tomoyo's head.
rlm@0: *angelic*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: I hope you enjoy!
rlm@0: -Meredith
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Disclaimer: This fic features two women in love. L-O-V-E. ^_~ If you have a
rlm@0: problem with this, please evolve, or at least get out of this fic. Any and
rlm@0: all flames will be summarily laughed at and used to line the gerbil cage.
rlm@0: Remember, bigotry is not a family value.  If you're not allergic to the
rlm@0: aforementioned topic (even the gerbil ^_~), then welcome!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Rating is PG-13. Light kissing, ect.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: ============================
rlm@0: It Takes One to Know One 1/?
rlm@0: by Meredith Bronwen Mallory
rlm@0: http://www.demando.net/
rlm@0: mallorys-girl@cinci.rr.com
rlm@0: ============================
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:  
rlm@0:  She had never held another girl before; and though she had known what to
rlm@0: expect, the reality of blood fleeing Tomoyo's lithe form was so terrifying
rlm@0: she nearly fell to her knees. Gently, she cradled the young school girl
rlm@0: close to where her heart beat frantically, moving her arm to support
rlm@0: Tomoyo's knees. Now, stumbling backwards, and she pressed her back against
rlm@0: the side of the foot bridge, which was chill with soul of winter. Tomoyo's
rlm@0: eyes were wide and vivid against her pale skin, before they vanished behind
rlm@0: twin fanned lashes and the heiress' body went completely limp.
rlm@0:  "Two hundred six and still a lady-killer," remarked a deep voice, filled
rlm@0: with morbid humor. Snow flakes caught in fur the color of the sun, and
rlm@0: melted as if the locks were what their shade suggested.
rlm@0:  "Kero!" the woman scolded, the flash in her emerald eyes visible even
rlm@0: through the heavy fall of snow. The white masses moved like waves in the
rlm@0: wind, lapping even so high as her thighs. She held Tomoyo high over the
rlm@0: winter ocean, as one protects holy, precious things.
rlm@0:  "I'm sorry," the Seal Beast remarked, the rumble in his throat sincere.
rlm@0: "It's just, there's so much blood. I never saw her body, so  never really
rlm@0: hit me that she was dead. Even after all this time."
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:  Oh, but *she* had seen Tomoyo dead, and white and in the coffin and damn
rlm@0: it they put her in the ground. Tomoyo's body, just a husk, an empty thing
rlm@0: that was blasphemy because it dare to look like the beautiful girl without
rlm@0: actually being her. There had been no blood, then-- the morticians cleaned
rlm@0: it up-- only the garish, red lines on the corpse's wrists, and the silver
rlm@0: bracelets placed there to hide them. Nothing could be done about her lips--
rlm@0: pale blue from hypothermia, even through the pink lp gloss.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:  "She's not going to die," his mistress replied firmly, "I won't allow even
rlm@0: Tomoyo to hurt herself."
rlm@0:  "Do you need help, Sakura-sama?" this from another voice, high and silvery
rlm@0: like the the moon on an autumn afternoon.  Yue's pale eyes were narrowed
rlm@0: and focused, he held his wings aloft over his two companions, shielding
rlm@0: them..
rlm@0:  "Iie, but thank you. We need to get her inside. Let's go,"  within the
rlm@0: young woman's face, there was a brief flash, like a ghost's photograph, of
rlm@0: a younger, more carefree Sakura. Then, the snow dove in drifts of suicidal
rlm@0: faeries, and the bridge was empty as if no one had ever been.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: ############################
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:  To err is human.
rlm@0:  
rlm@0:  To really screw up is even more human than that.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:  She looked about twenty six, this Sakura; her mouth hovered in a coral
rlm@0: crescent forever between a smile and a frown, and if she let you look
rlm@0: really close, you could see that there was something written and obscured
rlm@0: by the jungle in her eyes. She was tall, this Sakura, and she carried
rlm@0: herself like she knew where she was going, even when she didn't. Her years
rlm@0: numbered two hundred and six; and so many of those years had been
rlm@0: wandering, looking, wanting so badly for something that was gone.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:  Eden wasn't paradise until we lost it, after all.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: ############################
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:  Tomoyo had planned her suicide. Not the when, but the 'where' and the
rlm@0: 'how' and the 'fate-of-my-body', since the 'why' had been laid down years
rlm@0: ago by a glorious Sakura-smile and the realization that she could never
rlm@0: speak what was in her heart. The 'when' was the theta, the renegade
rlm@0: variable that she teased and prodded herself with; 'when' didn't matter,
rlm@0: because she was almost always ready to die. In the bottom drawer of her
rlm@0: dresser, she kept the dress she planned to wear, the ribbons she'd use in
rlm@0: her long tresses, and expensive, pearl-handled letter-opener that was going
rlm@0: to do the trick. She was Cinderella, and the ball was waiting on her.
rlm@0:  
rlm@0:  She stayed because she wanted to be by Sakura's side until someone else
rlm@0: came to take her place. Then; just fade to black. Maybe she was a little
rlm@0: scared, and maybe she thought herself a coward for wanting to take that way
rlm@0: out, but certainty in death allowed her to live.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:  Yesterday, at nineteen, When had come to her with wide open arms,
rlm@0: whispering that her mother was away and Sakura engaged and... and she had
rlm@0: known it was time.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:  She had been sleeping in such a way that, while under the spell of
rlm@0: Morpheus, she could sense and hear and feel the world around her, but she
rlm@0: was trapped in her ivory bones. Now the voices seemed to blur and then
rlm@0: focus. Dark wings fluttered before her eyes until the abstract angles and
rlm@0: colors of the world came into view. She couldn't even be bothered to wonder
rlm@0: why she wasn't dead-- there was something inside her so sensitized to the
rlm@0: other girl that she sensed her beloved's presence almost immediately.
rlm@0:  "Do you..." began a voice that sounded like wind chimes in a summer house
rlm@0: filled with the scent of one's lover. Under Tomoyo's blue silver gaze, the
rlm@0: older woman pressed her lips together, and her green eyes said things to
rlm@0: Tomoyo that were just too good to be true. "You do realize this is the
rlm@0: first chance I've had to talk to you in one hundred eighty seven years?
rlm@0: Hoee..." she looked down at her feet, "What I am I supposed to say?"
rlm@0:  "Sakura," Tomoyo breathed; taking in the matured vision of her beautiful
rlm@0: best friend. Her hair, done up in her habitual style, was a little longer
rlm@0: and a little darker. Even in the plain cream sweater and black pants that
rlm@0: graced the older woman's lithe form, Tomoyo could sense the barely
rlm@0: contained power of the Cardmistress. "Sakura," she began again, some how
rlm@0: understanding that this woman had been so changed by her experiences that
rlm@0: she was not quite (and only not quite) her childhood friend, "-sama," she
rlm@0: decided firmly. The situation may have been strange, but she accepted
rlm@0: Sakura instantly.
rlm@0:  "You can call me Kinomoto-sensei, if it's easier," Sakura offered.
rlm@0:  "That makes me think of your father," Tomoyo protested weakly. For the
rlm@0: first time, her eyes moved to the rest f her surroundings. Just her room at
rlm@0: home, with the curtains drawn partially so she could still see the snow
rlm@0: drifting down like lazy flower petals. The lights were on, bright and
rlm@0: somehow tangible; the quilts gathered about her form and Sakura's tender
rlm@0: gaze made her body momentarily forget the chill of being unrequited.
rlm@0:  "Kinomoto-kun," Tomoyo tried, blushing just a little, "I have always
rlm@0: thought Sakura-chan would make a cute '-kun'. Li-kun should have addressed
rlm@0: her as such, in the beginning, since they are both magical people."
rlm@0:  Kinomoto-kun seemed to darken at the mention of the Chinese boy, but she
rlm@0: laughed, "I'd never thought of that."
rlm@0:  "Of course, That Brat doesn't have an once of respect in his body," pipped
rlm@0: a familiar, high Osakan voice.
rlm@0:  "Kero-chan!" Tomoyo giggled, taken by surprise as the small, winged
rlm@0: creature dove into her hair.
rlm@0:  "It's nice to see you again, Tomoyo-san," Kero said cheerfully. He hovered
rlm@0: near her for a moment, before darting back to the table situated on the
rlm@0: other side of the room. Tomoyo could see Yue had installed his rather
rlm@0: elegant form on the couch, and she nodded in greeting. Her eyes, however,
rlm@0: soon sought the blinding glory of Kinomoto-kun-- she was everything Tomoyo
rlm@0: had known Sakura would grow up to be and more.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:  "Do you think you can eat something?" Kinomoto-kun asked, taking a seat on
rlm@0: the bed and offering Tomoyo a tray of hot soup and warm bread. "I really
rlm@0: think you should but, if you're too weak, you might not keep it down."
rlm@0:  "I am a little hungry," the heiress accepted the tray, enchanted by all
rlm@0: the new details and movements of the Cardmistress' future form. "Arigato,
rlm@0: Kinomoto-kun!"
rlm@0:  "Tomoyo..." Kinomoto-kun's voice was tender as it moved over the world,
rlm@0: like silk pressed against Tomoyo's skin.
rlm@0:  "Hai?" Tomoyo let the spoon rest against the side of the bowl, gazing on
rlm@0: the sorceress with concern, "Is something wrong? I want to help
rlm@0: Kinomoto-kun, if I can."
rlm@0:  "Damn it!" the Cardmistress said suddenly, taking Tomoyo's hands gently in
rlm@0: her own and cradling them like baby birds, "You always do this. You do
rlm@0: everything for me and nothing for yourself."
rlm@0:  "I want Sakura-chan to be happy," the heiress emphasized, as if that
rlm@0: explained everything. She looked down at her hands, feeling out-of-sorts
rlm@0: without a camera to see the world through.
rlm@0:  "Well, I'm not," Kinomoto-kun's tone was firm as she ran a dainty finger
rlm@0: over the bandages on the younger girl's wrist. "I'm not happy, because the
rlm@0: person I love left me."
rlm@0:  "Li-kun?" Tomoyo was scandalized. There was a sudden guilt inside her,
rlm@0: swinging like a pendulum, because she had not chosen the correct person for
rlm@0: her Sakura.
rlm@0:  Kinomoto-kun leaned in close, until their foreheads touched, "No, Tomoyo.
rlm@0: Watashi wa Tomoyo ga daisuki desu. Aishiteru."
rlm@0:  "Watashi ka?" there was a fluttering of live flowers in Tomoyo's rib cage,
rlm@0: as if everything she'd ever known had been drained from her body. "But
rlm@0: Sakura-chan is going to marry Li-kun and live happily in Hong Kong."
rlm@0:  "Correction," Kinomoto-kun said dryly, " 'Sakura-chan'," she referenced
rlm@0: her younger self with some malice, "was engaged to marry Li-kun, when her
rlm@0: best friend Tomoyo cut her wrists and, for good measure, drowned herself in
rlm@0: the middle of winter. Sakura-chan was-- and still is-- in love with
rlm@0: Tomoyo," Kinomoto-kun's eyes were all emerald fire, and Tomoyo could not
rlm@0: look away, "but, all her life Sakura-chan had thought that boys went with
rlm@0: girls and so on. She was too stupid to understand how she felt, and too
rlm@0: dense to see the truth even when her best friend put it right in front of
rlm@0: her. So, when Tomoyo died, the world wasn't the same any more, and
rlm@0: everything she touched was like in the fairy tale-- it seemed to turn to
rlm@0: glass and cut her."
rlm@0:  "I wasn't trying to hurt you," Tomoyo linked her arms around the
rlm@0: sorceress, but Kinomoto-kun could only see the time before. She rested her
rlm@0: cheek against the heiress' soft lavender hair and stared without seeing
rlm@0: into the snow night beyond the window.
rlm@0:  "So Sakura-chan broke off her engagement," she continued, "She went to
rlm@0: college and pretended to be a person. She majored in archeology, since it
rlm@0: made a good excuse, and studied magic in Tibet. She lived so long that
rlm@0: every day was a nightmare, and she worked ten years to perfect a Card and a
rlm@0: spell that would help her change her mistakes." Small tears gathered in the
rlm@0: corners of the sorceress' eyes.
rlm@0:  "It hurts me to see you cry," Tomoyo said honestly, taking up a quilt to
rlm@0: ease the sadness seeping from Kinomoto-kun's eyes.  Kinomoto-kun's arms
rlm@0: tighted around her suddenly, and Tomoyo was suffused with a feeling of
rlm@0: wings folded at her back as the other woman rocked her gently.
rlm@0:  "You're real... It hurts me to think I never... I didn't...," Kinomoto-kun
rlm@0: took a deep breath, "Why did you give so much to me, when I never gave
rlm@0: anything back?"
rlm@0:  "Sakura-chan has always given to me!"
rlm@0:  "But not the way you wanted," it was a shrewd point; and for the first
rlm@0: time, Tomoyo felt the dream-like quality vanish from the situation. No
rlm@0: dream or vision would have shown her this.
rlm@0:  "No..." she admitted softly, "But I didn't have a right to want those
rlm@0: things."
rlm@0:  "Of course you do!" for a moment, just a moment, Kinomoto-kun and
rlm@0: Sakura-chan were the same. "Everyone has a right to love!" Gently, the
rlm@0: sorceress brushed the twilight locks away from Tomoyo's face. Then, to
rlm@0: break the growing intensity, "Your food is getting cold."
rlm@0:  "Hai, Kinomoto-kun," Tomoyo obediently took back to sipping her soup, glad
rlm@0: when Kinomoto-kun didn't get up. Instead, the older woman watched her with
rlm@0: careful attention, playing absently with the slighly curling ends of the
rlm@0: younger girl's hair. "Are you sure you couldn't have been happy with
rlm@0: Li-kun?"
rlm@0:  "You don't believe me, do you?" Kinomoto-kun shook her head roughly, "Did
rlm@0: you know that I used to sit with him in the darkened movie theater and
rlm@0: wonder if there was something wrong with me because all I wanted to do was
rlm@0: go home and call you? That he practically had to bribe me to kiss him? When
rlm@0: he first said he liked me, I was just excited that *someone* did, since I
rlm@0: thought I had never felt anything. I always got 'hayaaan' when I was with
rlm@0: you, but I was with you all the time, so I didn't notice."
rlm@0:  "Sakura...," the sound breezed past Tomoyo's lips, and she so wished she
rlm@0: could see the same look in her friend's  wide pools of green. Coming from
rlm@0: this slightly different Sakura, it didn't seem real.
rlm@0:  "It doesn't matter if you still don't believe me," Kinomoto-kun smiled
rlm@0: sadly, tracing lightly down the slope of Tomoyo's nose, "I'm going to
rlm@0: change the past. I wonder how many times Clow did the same, trying to get
rlm@0: things right?"
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:  "Three, if I remember correctly," Kero put in. He'd managed to pilfer a
rlm@0: large cake from the Daidouji kitchen and, after lugging his prize upstairs,
rlm@0: was taking a bath in it as Yue looked on with vague disapproval.
rlm@0:  "Kero-chan!" Kinomoto-kun scolded, "I put servants to sleep! What will
rlm@0: happen when the cook wakes up and finds her cake gone?"
rlm@0:  "I'm not worried," an icing-coated Kero sang, making a flying nose-dive
rlm@0: into the cake, "My wonderful Mistress will get me out of this mess, and I
rlm@0: haven't had a Daidouji cake in almost two bloody centuries!"
rlm@0:  "Of course, your 'wonderful mistress' will save you," Kinomoto-kun rolled
rlm@0: her eyes with good nature.
rlm@0:  "There's another cake in the back of the freezer, if you want it," Tomoyo
rlm@0: offered, smiling at the sudden chorus of 'wai!!" that struck up from the
rlm@0: other side of the room. Kero offered a paw-full of cake to the winged young
rlm@0: man by his side.
rlm@0:  "I hate food," Yue sniffed, "But thank you all the same, Tomoyo-san."
rlm@0:  "Isn't there some place you two can go? It's big house," Kinomoto-kun
rlm@0: raised an eyebrow, only half-teasing.
rlm@0:  "Hey," Yue pointed out with trace of his own brand of humor, "Someone has
rlm@0: to protect Tomoyo's virtue from certain amorous sorceress."
rlm@0:  "Yue, what a thing to say!" Kinomoto-kun turned pink, "HOOOOEEE!"
rlm@0:  Added Kero, from somewhere in the mound of cake, "And keep you from doing
rlm@0: any permanent damage to your younger form."
rlm@0:  "Chaperones," Kinomoto-kun sighed. The two women blushed and looked at
rlm@0: their hands.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:  Having finished her meal, the young heiress set the tray on her
rlm@0: nightstand, studying Kinomoto-kun with wise, moon-shine eyes.  "Change the
rlm@0: past..." she murmured.
rlm@0:  "I really didn't know if I could do it," Kinomoto-kun replied, in answer
rlm@0: to the question Tomoyo hadn't asked. "But... after I found you on..," her
rlm@0: profile turned down, locks of auburn hair obscuring her features, "maybe I
rlm@0: shouldn't talk about this." Tomoyo's soft touch on her shoulder seemed to
rlm@0: bring the words out; "I looked, to see if you'd been reborn. All my
rlm@0: research in Hong Kong and Tibet suggested a great chance of failure in
rlm@0: time-travel, so that was my other hope. When the cards found your new form,
rlm@0: I was elated. You were thirteen, living on the colony on Europa. That's why
rlm@0: it took me so long to find you."
rlm@0:  "Europa..." Tomoyo murmured, "It's an ocean moon, ne? Very cold?" Her body
rlm@0: seemed to tense with the memory of the lake and her attempt to meet death.
rlm@0:  "Hai," Kinomoto-kun tipped her head back, staring at the ceiling, "You
rlm@0: were in training to dive for the gin-pearls that grow under the icebergs.
rlm@0: But all accounts, you were happy-- designed clothes for your classmates,
rlm@0: sang, worked hard in school. I told myself I just wanted to see if you were
rlm@0: really alright. I was being selfish..."
rlm@0:  Breathless, "What happened?"
rlm@0:  "I happened," Kinomoto-kun laughed bitterly. "I arranged a meeting with
rlm@0: you easily enough-- I offered to sponsor the school you attended. And there
rlm@0: you were-- your hair was short, but it was you and... I'm a really selfish
rlm@0: person, Tomoyo." Gently, Tomoyo eased the older woman's grip on her hands,
rlm@0: moving so that Kinomoto-kun could rest her head in the heiress' lap.
rlm@0:  "You're not selfish," Tomoyo murmured, fascinated by the play of light in
rlm@0: the gold-yellow-topaz-all-over-autumn of Kinomoto-kun's hair.
rlm@0:  "I am, because I was so happy to see you, and I promised to help you go to
rlm@0: a good conservatory, cultivate your voice. I felt betrayed that you didn't
rlm@0: recognize me, but I didn't let you see that. I just wanted to be near you
rlm@0: again. Then, when business called me back to Earth-- That is, when I called
rlm@0: to check on you, you'd done it again!"
rlm@0:  "Death," Tomoyo may or may not have murmured. And, with sudden
rlm@0: understanding, "She loved you and thought she was... was wrong."
rlm@0:  "All because I was so stupid as to come back into your life again."
rlm@0: Kinomoto-kun raised her head, eyes filled with the same desperate affection
rlm@0: Tomoyo hid within herself. "I have to change that. all of this."
rlm@0:  "You have," Tomoyo pointed out.
rlm@0:  "Not enough. I can't just say, 'Don't give into the sadness, Tomoyo' and
rlm@0: then expect you to wait around for me to figure things out. I thought I
rlm@0: might just vanish after I rescued you, but obviously I haven't changed all
rlm@0: that much."
rlm@0:  "I won't leave," it was a breathless promise, "I would never hurt
rlm@0: Sakura-chan."
rlm@0:  "But, see, you'll only be doing it out of obligation-- you'll still be
rlm@0: miserable."
rlm@0:  "I don't see how--"
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:  "Wait." Kinomoto-kun's lips turned up in an almost smile, "listen."
rlm@0: Downstairs, the clicking of the front-door latch echoed, and Tomoyo heard
rlm@0: the faint callings of *her*  Sakura. She started to trill out a happy
rlm@0: reply, but the sorceress at her side raised a single finger, motioning for
rlm@0: silence. Sakura's calls came closer and rose to a level of fear-- the sound
rlm@0: of hurried footsteps vibrated down the hall and then.
rlm@0:  A happy, pixie-ish face, and a voice slightly out of breath, "Tomoyo-chan!
rlm@0: I was worried..."
rlm@0:  With smile of pity and a little self-loathing, Kinomoto-kun said;
rlm@0:  
rlm@0:  "Okari. I've been waiting for you, Sakura-san."
rlm@0:  
rlm@0:  
rlm@0: ======================
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: TO BE CONTINUED
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: There once was a lady named Mere,
rlm@0: Who was madder than a March Hare,
rlm@0: She did love to write,
rlm@0: deep into the night,
rlm@0: and feedback made her so happy she walked upon air!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:  
rlm@0:  
rlm@0:  
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:  
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: