rlm@0: Author’s notes: Hi everyone! ^-^ This is my first Sonomi & Nadeshiko story. I 
rlm@0: just love Sonomi-san and I feel so horrible that she lost her beloved Nadeshiko. 
rlm@0: ;_; I really hope I can write more about them. ^-^ If you have any comments, 
rlm@0: please e-mail me. ^-^ 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Where Did You Go?
rlm@0: By the Amazoness Duo
rlm@0: amazonessduo@hotmail.com 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 	Sonomi Daidouji sighed miserably, looking out at the forest from the 
rlm@0: balcony where she used to play with her darling little cousin, Nadeshiko. She 
rlm@0: had come out to her grandfather’s house out in the woods to get away from it all. 
rlm@0: Both the business pressure of everyday life at the Daidouji Toy Company and 
rlm@0: also the more profound pain that wasn’t so easily escaped. “Nadeshiko-chan,” 
rlm@0: she whispered softly into the wind, only seeing a brewing storm where her 
rlm@0: cousin had seen rainbows. 
rlm@0: 	She had asked Tomoyo to come along as well. A little time away would 
rlm@0: be good for her. Especially now that the Chinese boy had returned. But her 
rlm@0: daughter had politely refused, saying that she wished to stay near Sakura during 
rlm@0: all this, even if it hurt. Another, darker sigh escaped the older woman’s lips. If 
rlm@0: only Tomoyo had told Sakura like she’d always told her to. Holding back would 
rlm@0: only get you years of pain, she had tried to explain to her young daughter. But 
rlm@0: she had just smiled and replied that all she wanted was for Sakura to be happy. 
rlm@0: She would understand when she was ready to.  Did that mean that Nadeshiko 
rlm@0: had never been ready to understand her feelings? Would the same be true of 
rlm@0: Nadeshiko’s daughter? When you love someone so much that they’re your very 
rlm@0: reason to greet the new day, their loss can destroy you. And loss wasn’t 
rlm@0: necessarily their death, either. Sonomi had lost her dear Nadeshiko when he had 
rlm@0: stolen her away. That quiet teacher that had apparently no idea of just how much 
rlm@0: Nadeshiko had meant to her. She knew he was smarter than that. He had known 
rlm@0: all along, but had taken her anyway. Despite Sonomi’s best efforts to stop him, 
rlm@0: it wasn’t enough. Destroyed and lacking any will to go on, she had left, her only 
rlm@0: reminder the bouquet from Nadeshiko’s wedding. Would her daughter be just as 
rlm@0: wrongfully punished for the sin of loving one so much?
rlm@0: 	The first cold droplets of rain hit the matriarch of the Daidouji family 
rlm@0: like bitter tears. She closed her eyes as she leaned against the railing, the sweet 
rlm@0: echoes of years long gone still stirring through the old house. “Where are you, 
rlm@0: Nadeshiko-chan?” she heard herself ask into the coming storm. “I need you now 
rlm@0: more than I ever did. I always said I’d protect you, but I did a rather terrible job, 
rlm@0: didn’t I? I couldn’t protect you from him and I couldn’t protect you from death. 
rlm@0: I couldn’t scare if off with a dirty look, I couldn’t keep you alive and happy. I 
rlm@0: couldn’t keep you with me. Every day that goes by, I can feel you. Everytime I 
rlm@0: see her, your daughter, I can feel you so close to me. I can see why Tomoyo-
rlm@0: chan loves her so. She has the same sweet innocence that you did, Nadeshiko-
rlm@0: chan. The same caring soul.” Sonomi barely noticed the tears mixing with the 
rlm@0: rain drops down her cheeks. “But what have I done to curse my family? Why 
rlm@0: doesn’t Tomoyo-chan deserve the happiness that Kinomoto-san robbed from 
rlm@0: me? Tomoyo-chan tries to be so happy, so strong for Sakura-chan, but she can’t 
rlm@0: keep it up. I know because I’ve lived through the worst of it. And I know she 
rlm@0: won’t last much longer. If you pour all of your love out for so long without any 
rlm@0: love returned to you, you start to die. Just like a flower. Slowly and painfully 
rlm@0: until you wilt away.” Looking up, her hair started to get thrown around by the 
rlm@0: strong winds. “I miss you so much. Even here. But I remember you smiling and 
rlm@0: laughing. It doesn’t make it hurt any less, but it means that I can smile.”
rlm@0: 	“Where are you, Nadeshiko-chan? I love you.”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 	‘Oh, Sonomi, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I.. I didn’t 
rlm@0: understand. I thought you would always be there. When you left, I was 
rlm@0: devastated. I didn’t know if I could go on without my big cousin Sonomi there 
rlm@0: to make everything all right. I thought I loved him but... It had to be this way. 
rlm@0: We had to have Sakura so that everything could come about. And you had 
rlm@0: Tomoyo because of your loneliness. It’s always so sweet seeing you with your 
rlm@0: daughter. I still can’t believe you have her keep her hair like mine. You make a 
rlm@0: wonderful mother, Sonomi. I’m right here. I’m right with you, just like I always 
rlm@0: am. I’m keeping an eye on you. And my daughter. And yours. But you can’t see 
rlm@0: me. I want to cry at that. If only... But you’ll understand one day. Because I’m 
rlm@0: waiting for you, Sonomi. I’ll be waiting for you here as soon as your life is over. 
rlm@0: Waiting right here. Oh, I’m sorry. Oh, Sonomi...’
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 	A knock at the front door startled Sonomi out of her reverie. Who could 
rlm@0: it be all the way out here in the woods? She contemplated leaving the visitor 
rlm@0: alone for a moment, but finally decided against it. Who would be all the way up 
rlm@0: here if it wasn’t important? It had better be, at least. The businesswoman headed 
rlm@0: through the large home with sure steps towards the door. Maybe Tomoyo had 
rlm@0: decided to come up after all. All she would have to do is tell her bodyguards to 
rlm@0: drive her out here. And her grandfather would be thrilled to see her. Or maybe it 
rlm@0: would be Sakura out here like she had been so long ago. If it was, Sonomi would 
rlm@0: have to tell her all about the way of things and make her understand just how 
rlm@0: much Tomoyo loved her. If Tomoyo wasn’t going to, someone needed to spell 
rlm@0: things out for the brunette. She swore Sakura could be just as dense as her 
rlm@0: mother. “Nadeshiko...?” Not even realizing she’d said her name, Sonomi was 
rlm@0: staring directly at the very woman who had left the biggest impact on her life. 
rlm@0: Suddenly she was ten again, up with her cousin at her grandfather’s house for 
rlm@0: the weekend, the two of them playing happily as Sonomi tried her hardest to 
rlm@0: protect her fragile little cousin. 
rlm@0: 	Long, gray hair framed the picture perfect face of the woman in the 
rlm@0: doorway. “Sonomi!” she exclaimed happily, her heart pounding in her chest as 
rlm@0: she smiled brightly. Her long curly hair fluttered in the wet wind as the coming 
rlm@0: storm began to pick up. Her face hadn’t changed at all, still the same beautiful 
rlm@0: features that had adorned her the day she’d died oh so many years ago. Her long 
rlm@0: white dress clung to her loosely in the wind. Smiling emerald eyes playfully 
rlm@0: grasped Sonomi’s own.
rlm@0: 	The specter just stood there in the doorway staring back at Sonomi for a 
rlm@0: long moment. Before Sonomi could tell herself that this was a stress induced 
rlm@0: hallucination, the figure of her long dead cousin lunged forward in a warm 
rlm@0: embrace. “Na… Nadeshiko-chan?” she asked weakly, feeling the blood drain 
rlm@0: from her body. Her thoughts swirled like the storm that would soon be upon 
rlm@0: them. She could barely form any coherent thought as she stood in the embrace, 
rlm@0: her emotions warring in her heart. Ignoring them all, she hugged her cousin back 
rlm@0: as tightly as she could. Everything was the same, from her soft touch to the 
rlm@0: sweet scent of her hair that tickled Sonomi’s nose. 
rlm@0: 	Nadeshiko stood there for a long moment in Sonomi’s protective arms. 
rlm@0: That had been a lot easier than she’d thought. She had been so worried that 
rlm@0: Sonomi would send her away, that she’d be angry with her. It had taken her 
rlm@0: forever to work up the courage to knock on the door. But now, in her cousin’s 
rlm@0: arms, it all felt right again. Maybe Sonomi wasn’t mad at her after all. But... No, 
rlm@0: she couldn’t think about what could go wrong right now. She just had to follow 
rlm@0: her heart and it would all work out. This time she wouldn’t waver from her 
rlm@0: heart. A few more cold droplets of ice water splashed against her ivory skin, 
rlm@0: making her shiver. “Umm… Sonomi, do you mind if I come in?” 
rlm@0: 	Still completely caught off guard by her cousin’s sudden reappearance, 
rlm@0: Sonomi nodded weakly. “Hai, come right in, Nadeshiko-chan. I don’t want you 
rlm@0: getting wet. You could catch cold.” 
rlm@0: 	Nadeshiko giggled as she let the older woman escort her inside. Old 
rlm@0: habits died hard, apparently. Sonomi was still as overprotective of her as always. 
rlm@0: Something about that was reassuring. Sonomi was nearly as overprotective with 
rlm@0: her daughter as she’d been with her.  Watching with a little concern at her 
rlm@0: cousin’s shocked expression, she waved her hand in front of Sonomi’s face, the 
rlm@0: brunette’s slant hairstyle moving from side to side as she shook her head. 
rlm@0: “Sonomi, are you alright? You seem so... agitated.” 
rlm@0: 	“I’m fine, Nadeshiko-chan. Just fine. I...” Sonomi shook her head 
rlm@0: again, at a loss for words. Her dear, sweet, beloved Nadeshiko-chan was 
rlm@0: standing there in the living room. Hadn’t she practiced over and over what she’d 
rlm@0: say to her if she ever saw her again? But now it all drained away. She had never 
rlm@0: thought she would actually have the chance. Her hand reached out slowly, shaky 
rlm@0: fingers brushing Nadeshiko’s soft cheek and gray hair. Pulling back, afraid that 
rlm@0: she’d disappear, Sonomi just watched her cousin for several uneasy moments. 
rlm@0: She had the urge to take her in her arms, kiss her, and never let her go. Instead, 
rlm@0: she tried very hard not to blink once as she went over and started rummaging 
rlm@0: through her purse. 
rlm@0: 	Watching silently, Nadehsiko took a seat in the plush chair her 
rlm@0: grandfather had bought when she was...eleven? No, that was the year Sonomi 
rlm@0: had dragged her out of the pool because she’d thought she was drowning. Nine? 
rlm@0: No, that was when they’d gone hiking and she’d sprained her ankle and Sonomi 
rlm@0: had tried to walk all the way back home with her on her back. No, the chair was 
rlm@0: definitely when she was twelve. Smiling pleasantly as she pushed her memories 
rlm@0: to the side, she placed her hands in her lap. The smile faded as she watched 
rlm@0: Sonomi pacing back and forth with a cigarette. Sonomi had stopped back the 
rlm@0: first time Nadeshiko had caught her when they were teenagers. All she had had 
rlm@0: to say was that she didn’t want Sonomi doing that and the other girl had quit 
rlm@0: altogether. It didn’t matter that it could have ruined her on the track team, all 
rlm@0: that mattered was that she didn’t want her to. But Sonomi’s shaking hands 
rlm@0: showed that this was a desperate attempt to calm frayed nerves. She wanted to 
rlm@0: get up and try to comfort her the way she used to, but she didn’t know if Sonomi 
rlm@0: would welcome her as she used to so many years ago. 
rlm@0: 	Taking a huff of the cigarette, Sonomi’s mind fought desperately to 
rlm@0: rationalize what was going on. Too much work? Too many memories from 
rlm@0: being back at her grandfather’s house? A bad dream? Indigestion? Did it even 
rlm@0: matter as long as she was back? Shaking her head, she fought back tears. She 
rlm@0: didn't think she could handle losing her again. What if this was any one of those 
rlm@0: things? Was it even Nadeshiko? How could it be? 
rlm@0: 	“It really is me, Sonomi,” Nadeshiko spoke up from across the room, 
rlm@0: cutting into her thoughts. “I wanted to see you again. I miss you.” She frowned 
rlm@0: sadly as her eyes met her cousin’s again. “I have ever since you left me. I was 
rlm@0: never truly happy after I lost you, Sonomi. I wanted you to see my babies and to 
rlm@0: be there just like we always talked about when we were little. I needed my big 
rlm@0: cousin to watch out for me. You know I’m no good at it on my own.” A sad 
rlm@0: laugh escaped her lips. “I just... My wedding night? Did you have to leave on 
rlm@0: my wedding night?” Tears glistened in emerald green eyes. 
rlm@0: 	The taller woman felt as if she’d been shot through the heart at the 
rlm@0: wavering in Nadeshiko’s voice. “What? Nadeshiko-chan, you weren’t supposed 
rlm@0: to know about it. That’s why I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving. If I’d known...” 
rlm@0: She closed her eyes but opened them hastily, afraid that her dearest Nadeshiko 
rlm@0: would disappear, leaving her all alone once more. 
rlm@0: 	“You’d have what? Left later when I couldn’t come find you and beg 
rlm@0: you to stay?” Nadeshiko asked softly. “Do you know how much that night hurt? 
rlm@0: I had just gotten married and found out that you were going away. That I would 
rlm@0: never see my cousin, my best friend, ever again. Seeing the hurt in your eyes... I 
rlm@0: couldn’t take it. Fujitaka found me crying in my wedding dress after I’d watched 
rlm@0: you walk away for good. And then I had to put on a smile for the few members 
rlm@0: of my family that actually came to my wedding.” As soon as the words were 
rlm@0: out, she regretted them. No matter how painful that night had been for her, it had 
rlm@0: been infinitely more painful for her cousin. Sonomi had felt betrayed, lost, torn 
rlm@0: apart. She had nothing to do but run away. What would have happened had 
rlm@0: Sonomi stayed? That would have just hurt her even more. 
rlm@0: 	The room blurred around Sonomi as her eyes began welling with tears, 
rlm@0: that painful night still vivid in her memory even after all those years. “I had to 
rlm@0: see you one last time. I felt like I was dying the entire ceremony. One knife in 
rlm@0: my heart after another. I could barely keep quiet when they asked if anyone had 
rlm@0: any objections. I could barely hold in the tears. But I tried my damnedest to get 
rlm@0: that bouquet of yours. I still have it, actually. Nadeshiko-chan, I had to see your 
rlm@0: wedding but I couldn’t bear to be a part of your life after that. It hurt too much 
rlm@0: knowing that I’d lost you forever. You can understand that, right? You knew I 
rlm@0: loved you but you married him anyway. You mean everything to me, but every 
rlm@0: time I saw you with him, I felt a piece of me die. I had nothing to live for 
rlm@0: without you. It took me years, until I had Tomoyo-chan, that I finally had a 
rlm@0: reason again.”
rlm@0: 	“Sonomi...” Nadeshiko whispered sadly. “I’m so sorry, Sonomi... You 
rlm@0: know that I would never want to hurt you. I... I tried to find you... I looked 
rlm@0: everywhere but... no one would tell me...” Tears started spilling down her pale 
rlm@0: cheeks as the pain of the past took a firm grip on her soul. “Grandpa... He 
rlm@0: wouldn’t even tell me... He said you didn’t.. didn’t… didn’t want to see me..” A 
rlm@0: muffled sob escaped her lips as she brought her hands up. Something caught 
rlm@0: them before they could reach her face. Looking up, she saw Sonomi looking 
rlm@0: down at her, gently holding her hands. 
rlm@0: 	“Nadeshiko-chan,” Sonomi whispered softly, kneeling in front of the 
rlm@0: sitting girl. “I’m sorry. I made a huge mistake leaving, but I couldn’t live with 
rlm@0: myself seeing… HIM… with you. I loved you too much. I started over 
rlm@0: somewhere else, but I never stopped thinking about you. I never stopped loving 
rlm@0: you.” Bringing her hand up to the other woman’s face, she brushed some of the 
rlm@0: long gray hair back, letting her fingers caress her soft cheek. She shook her 
rlm@0: head. “Of course I wanted to see you. But I couldn’t handle it. There’s no way I 
rlm@0: could have seen the two of you and kept from breaking down.”
rlm@0: 	“But..” Nadeshiko sniffled, blinking her wet eyes. “I missed you so 
rlm@0: much. I wanted to see you so badly. You were supposed to protect me like you 
rlm@0: always promised when we were little. I always felt safe with you. I lost that 
rlm@0: feeling when you left. I needed you.” She closed her eyes as she felt Sonomi’s 
rlm@0: fingers brush away her tears. The pain inside dulled slightly at Sonomi’s touch, 
rlm@0: it always managing to comfort her. “Sonomi...” All of her fears about returning 
rlm@0: to Sonomi seemed to fade away now that she was here with her cousin.
rlm@0: 	“Not one day goes by when I don’t think about you. Life’s been 
rlm@0: unbearable ever since I last saw you. But somehow I’m still here and you’re 
rlm@0: gone. It’s not fair...” Closing her eyes for a moment, Sonomi had to take a breath 
rlm@0: before continuing. “I love you so much, Nadeshiko-chan. Why couldn’t I protect 
rlm@0: you from him? I failed you.”
rlm@0: 	Nadeshiko placed a finger on Sonomi’s lips, shaking her head. “It’s not 
rlm@0: his fault, Sonomi. Had I been with you, I still would have died. I got sick. There 
rlm@0: was nothing you could have done. Please don’t blame yourself. Or him. You 
rlm@0: have a beautiful daughter and my two precious angels came out of it, so it’s not 
rlm@0: all bad. Thought I do regret not choosing you back then, Sonomi. I’ve missed 
rlm@0: you terribly. I lost you when I made my decision. But you have to understand, I 
rlm@0: was so afraid. I knew no one would understand if I chose you, that it was all so 
rlm@0: strange. It seemed so much safer choosing him. But I never stopped loving you, 
rlm@0: either. My love for him was... different.” Her fingers lightly brushed over 
rlm@0: Sonomi’s lips, a soft smile forming on her own. “But it’s you I’m waiting for. I 
rlm@0: promise I’ll make it up to you. You were the one I needed. I’m sorry I ever hurt 
rlm@0: you.”
rlm@0: 	“Nadeshiko, don’t...” Sonomi began, but Nadeshiko’s hands on her 
rlm@0: cheeks pulled her into a soft kiss. Her loneliness, pain, and confusion all 
rlm@0: dissipated, her whole body being filled with the warm glow of her love for this 
rlm@0: beautiful woman in front of her. All the years of sorrow left her in an instant, her 
rlm@0: tears flowing more freely as she now had nothing to hold back. Her entire soul 
rlm@0: barred to her dearest, she returned the kiss as best she could. Years of regret and 
rlm@0: anger were replaced with a calm feeling spreading throughout her. Her fingers 
rlm@0: intertwined in Nadeshiko’s long silky tresses, losing herself in the deepening 
rlm@0: kiss. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 	Nadeshiko watched Sonomi asleep with her head on the chair, still 
rlm@0: kneeling. She smiled softly, her fingers gently brushing through Sonomi eerily 
rlm@0: as she began to fade away. “I love you, Sonomi. I’m waiting for you. When I 
rlm@0: finally see you again, I’ll never let you go.” Sonomi stirred only slightly as she 
rlm@0: went back to her peaceful slumber, dreaming of her beloved. 
rlm@0: 	
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: