rlm@0: Lonely, Lonely Heart
rlm@0: by Amazoness Duo
rlm@0: amazonessduo@hotmail.com
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: The wind was picking up. The radio had said there would be a storm
rlm@0: hitting soon. Often the news can be mistaken about such things, but
rlm@0: Sonomi had no doubt that this time they were correct. Which is why
rlm@0: she had hurried as quickly as she could. It was Nadeshiko's birthday,
rlm@0: after all, and she had never once been late in the eight years since
rlm@0: her death. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: The limousine pulled to a stop in front of a quiet and still
rlm@0: cemetary. Stepping out of the back, Sonomi could feel the dampness in
rlm@0: the cool air. The breeze carried a strong smell of rain as dark
rlm@0: clouds rolled overhead. But the business woman paid them no heed as
rlm@0: she walked into the mostly empty graveyard. There were few mourners
rlm@0: today, few brave enough to tease the coming storm. Sonomi made a
rlm@0: mental note to call Tomoyo before she got home and make sure that she
rlm@0: was safe and sound. They could spend the night in front of the fire,
rlm@0: drinking hot chocolate. Perhaps they could watch some of Tomoyo's
rlm@0: beautifully filmed videos of Sakura. But that was all for later. For
rlm@0: now, she had something else she had to do.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "Hello, Nadeshiko-chan," Sonomi whispered into the silence. Kneeling
rlm@0: in front of Nadeshiko's gravestone, she set down an armful of Sakura
rlm@0: blossoms that she had brought with her, as well as a tiny box wrapped
rlm@0: with beautiful red wrapping paper and long pink ribbons. "Happy
rlm@0: birthday." Her fingers followed the curve of Nadeshiko's name along
rlm@0: the cold stone. How often had she whispered that name in her sleep?
rlm@0: How often had she called out it's beautiful syllables when she had
rlm@0: been younger? Countless times in the past, and forevermore in the
rlm@0: future would she be whispering the name of her darling cousin. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: A dark sigh escaped Sonomi's lips as she closed her eyes. This was
rlm@0: always such a difficult thing to do. She had thrown herself into her
rlm@0: work after Nadeshiko had gone away with -him- as a way to distract
rlm@0: herself from her pain. It allowed her to forget the despair that
rlm@0: clung to her heart. But whenever she was here at her cousin's grave,
rlm@0: it was impossible to forget. Countless memories, both sweet and sad,
rlm@0: joyful and sorrowful, flooded back to her when she was there. Here in
rlm@0: this place, she didn't have her work to focus her thoughts upon. She
rlm@0: didn't have her gentle daughter to ease the loneliness in her heart.
rlm@0: Here she was left all alone with her memories. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 'Please don't cry, Sonomi-chan,' Nadeshiko had whispered oh so long
rlm@0: ago. Sonomi had rushed to her side upon finding out that her beloved
rlm@0: was dying. She had run from the pain, distancing herself from
rlm@0: Nadeshiko's life when the other girl had been wed, but she had found
rlm@0: herself forcefully pulled back by Nadeshiko's sudded illness. 'I
rlm@0: don't like to see you sad. I'll watch over you. So please be happy.'
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 'I.. I can't, Nadeshiko-chan...' Sonomi had replied by her cousin's
rlm@0: bedside. 'I can't do that. I can't hold back my tears. Not for you. I
rlm@0: need you, Nadeshiko-chan.. I can't pretend that I don't.' She knew
rlm@0: now that Fujitaka had promised Nadeshiko that he wouldn't cry for
rlm@0: her, but Sonomi hadn't been able to fulfill that wish of her cousin.
rlm@0: Her heart belonged solely to the dark haired beauty, and it suffered
rlm@0: terribly without her. They were tears of sorrow that she would never
rlm@0: again see her beautiful cousin, tears of resentment over the man who
rlm@0: had stolen her most precious Nadeshiko, and tears of regret for
rlm@0: having missed out on so much of Nadeshiko's life by fleeing after her
rlm@0: marriage.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "Nadeshiko-chan, I miss you." Sonomi felt a painful sadness well up
rlm@0: in her heart. "I miss you," she repeated. Her eyes, the same stormy
rlm@0: blue as the skies above, welled up with tears. In all of her
rlm@0: memories, Nadeshiko smiled radiently, giving off a warmth that was
rlm@0: hotter than the sun to those who were blessed to know her. Sonomi
rlm@0: longed to see that smile once more, to see her beautiful cousin
rlm@0: before her. But she was all alone, unable to catch even a glimpse of
rlm@0: her heart's desire. Her head rested against the cold stone as tears
rlm@0: fell silently to the earth below her. Sometimes it was so hard to
rlm@0: keep going without Nadeshiko. Everything could feel so futile without
rlm@0: her cheerful cousin by her side. She had languished in this painful
rlm@0: half existence ever since Nadeshiko's marriage stole the dark haired
rlm@0: woman away from her. What was life if your one True Love was ripped
rlm@0: from your grasp? Sonomi's only consolation was her sweet and loving
rlm@0: daughter. Tomoyo was like a little piece of Nadeshiko left behind.
rlm@0: She was cheerful and thoughtful and always terribly kind. She was
rlm@0: Sonomi's one treasure that managed to soothe her heart. But now,
rlm@0: Tomoyo was far away and Sonomi was left to deal with her anguish alone.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "She missed you, too," a man's voice said softly from behind the
rlm@0: woman collapsed against the tombstone. Fujitaka stepped back,
rlm@0: allowing Sonomi some room as the business woman stood up quickly and
rlm@0: composed herself. Her tears were briskly wiped away, the only sign
rlm@0: that she had been crying the tell tale red in her eyes. Her look of
rlm@0: sorrow was also replaced swiftly with one of hateful frustration. The
rlm@0: man smiled in return, setting down his own flowers in front of
rlm@0: Nadeshiko's grave. That only served to strengthen Sonomi's ire. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "What are you doing here?" she demanded, covering her earlier
rlm@0: despair with the anger that was quickly rising up through her. It was
rlm@0: with some relief that she turned form sorrow to anger. THis was
rlm@0: something she could focus on, that she could vent out. Her pain never
rlm@0: lessened it's hold on her heart, but her anger allowed her some
rlm@0: measure of release. And this man was always the perfect target
rlm@0: because she, quite simply, hated him. He had stolen everything from
rlm@0: her. Her dearest Nadeshiko had been plucked right from her grasp. And
rlm@0: after Sonomi had promised to protect her sweet cousin from such
rlm@0: insects. He had even managed to outrace her, the only one ever to do
rlm@0: so, as if he needed to slap her in the face after tearing out her
rlm@0: heart.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Fujitaka smiled pleasantly, as if greeting an old friend. "It's
rlm@0: Nadeshiko's birthday. I wanted to give her some flowers." He nodded
rlm@0: towards Sonomi's previously placed bouquet. "But it seems that I
rlm@0: couldn't hope to outdo your offering, Sonomi-san." He knelt down,
rlm@0: setting his own own flowers next to Sonomi's. "I'm sure she'll love
rlm@0: those. You always did know what she liked."
rlm@0: Standing back up, he watched Sonomi through his glasses for a long
rlm@0: moment.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Sonomi met his gaze fiercely, glaring at her former teacher. This
rlm@0: man had taken away that which she loved most dearly and dared to act
rlm@0: as if they were simply old acquaintances? Why did he always do that?
rlm@0: Didn't he have any human decency in him to just leave her alone? Why
rlm@0: did he insist on hurting her continually, his very presence a dark
rlm@0: reminder of the loss of Nadeshiko? "Kinomoto-sensei." She nodded
rlm@0: towards him and turned towards her limousine. She didn't need this
rlm@0: right now. She would cry the way back home and then would spend the
rlm@0: rest of the night in her daughter's company, the two getting a chance
rlm@0: to escape the pain that love had caused the both of them. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "Sonomi-san, do you have to leave so soon? She really did miss you.
rlm@0: I'm certain that she still does," he said cryptically, watching her
rlm@0: back. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Tensing up at his words, Sonomi sprung on her heel like a cat,
rlm@0: watching Fujitaka smile jovially at her. Today was the day that she
rlm@0: was supposed to pay her respects to her beloved, that she could just
rlm@0: stay by her side, but he had taken even that from her. She was in too
rlm@0: much of an emotional hurricane to think clearly, let alone to deal
rlm@0: with him. "What are you talking about? I have to get home to my
rlm@0: daughter. She needs me." A light shower of rain began to fall, slowly
rlm@0: carressing Sonomi's face and pelting agaisnt her clothes. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "And so does Nadeshiko," Fujitaka replied.Raindrops spattered
rlm@0: against his glasses, but he took no notice, his eyes still on his
rlm@0: deceased wife's cousin. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Clenching her fists, Sonomi felt her anger well up so quickly that
rlm@0: it burnt her inside. "Don't you dare tell me about Nadeshiko-chan!!
rlm@0: You stole her from me! You took away the most precious thing in my
rlm@0: life! I don't care what you have to say! You always give me that
rlm@0: damned patronizing smile, as if you don't care about any of the pain
rlm@0: you've caused or that others suffer through. Why can't you just be
rlm@0: happy with what you took from me? Why can't you leave me alone..?"
rlm@0: Her voice broke at last, tears rolling down her cheeks as her anger
rlm@0: finally gave way to pure sorrow and hopelessness. She was forever
rlm@0: lost, never to be blessed with the love that graced her heart. Never
rlm@0: to have or to hold her beautiful cousin. And it was all because of
rlm@0: one man. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: The taller man watched Sonomi for a long time, unsure of what to
rlm@0: say. In all the time that he had known Sonomi, he had never once seen
rlm@0: her like this. She had always been like a brave and noble samurai,
rlm@0: always ready to do battle with him. But now, she looked so weak and
rlm@0: fragile, her steel will caving in on itself. He did feel the pain,
rlm@0: even if she didn't see it. He didn't allow it to show through. He had
rlm@0: promised Nadeshiko. He had loved her and had agreed to her wishes.
rlm@0: But Sonomi wasn't one to hide her emotions behind a never changing
rlm@0: smile, to lock up the pain deep inside the heart and never letting it
rlm@0: go. No, they had both dealt with their grief in entirely different
rlm@0: ways. Sonomi by busying herself with her work and by fueling her
rlm@0: anger towards him. And he dealt with it as if it wasn't there, behind
rlm@0: a frozen smile and an endlessly pleasant demeanor. In some ways, he
rlm@0: envied Sonomi. She let her emotions through and rode with them, so
rlm@0: much like his own daughter, Sakura. She experienced all of her
rlm@0: emotions to their fullest. At the same time, he pitied her. He, at
rlm@0: least, had his memories of his marriage to Nadeshiko and their time
rlm@0: spent together. Sonomi had been robbed of even that simple pleasure.
rlm@0: So he understood why she hated him so, although he couldn't imagine
rlm@0: simply not marrying Nadeshiko. That would have been like denying his
rlm@0: very existence. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Sonomi felt a hand on her shoulder and immediately shrugged it away.
rlm@0: "Leave me alone," she said weakly, trying to pull up any form of
rlm@0: strength to get away. But there was nothing there for her to use. She
rlm@0: felt so... empty. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "She missed you," Fujitaka repeated. "She kept searching for you in
rlm@0: the last few years of her life. And she was always talking about you.
rlm@0: 'Sonomi-chan always loved to cook for me'. 'Sonomi-chan and I always
rlm@0: did this together'. 'Sonomi-chan was always there for me. I wonder
rlm@0: what she's doing right now'." He paused smiling a little to himself
rlm@0: as he looked at the tombstone. His wife's body may be under their
rlm@0: feet, but she was not. He wouldn't be surprised if she was watching
rlm@0: them at that very moment. "You and I both know that Nadeshiko wasn't
rlm@0: one to regret much. It wasn't her nature. She lived life to it's
rlm@0: fullest and treasured every moment of it. And I think we both loved
rlm@0: that about her. But you were one of her only regrets. Possibly the
rlm@0: only regret she ever carried. The two of you were practically
rlm@0: inseperable until we got married. You'll never know how much that
rlm@0: hurt her. It took her forever to understand why you left." He sighed,
rlm@0: pulling off his glasses. His own heart was clenching at the memories,
rlm@0: but it was nice to try not to hide it for once. "She wanted to raise
rlm@0: Sakura-chan like you. That's why she always had such short hair. And
rlm@0: why I got her involved in athletics. Because Nadeshiko wanted her to
rlm@0: grow up to be like her strong and gorgeous cousin, Sonomi. I tried my
rlm@0: best to comply with her wishes." A soft laugh escaped him as he
rlm@0: watched Sonomi, whose stormy blue eyes were staring into his own with
rlm@0: a profound intensity. Sonomi still hated him, but he could see that
rlm@0: they were curious, listening. "I think she turned out quite a bit
rlm@0: like you. Even if she isn't quite as perceptive."
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Sonomi felt a lump form in her throat as she tried to swallow. Her
rlm@0: tears continued to cascade down her cheeks, mixing with the
rlm@0: raindrops. "She... Nadeshiko-chan wanted Sakura-chan to be like me?"
rlm@0: she whispered. She had raised her own daughter to be like Nadeshiko,
rlm@0: a way of expressing her longing for her far away cousin. Nadeshiko
rlm@0: had done the same with her own daughter? "Nadeshiko-chan..."she
rlm@0: whimpered, closing her eyes. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "She needed to see you again when she found out she was dying,"
rlm@0: Fujitaka continued, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "She said that
rlm@0: she had to see you again before she died. I don't think she was
rlm@0: worried at all about her own death, but the prospect of dying before
rlm@0: she could talk to you again frightened her immensely. So I searched
rlm@0: everywhere I could, any way I could, to find you before time ran out.
rlm@0: The letter you got was from her, but I was the one to seek you out
rlm@0: for her. She had to see you one last time. I was almost afraid that
rlm@0: you wouldn't make it on time. But I always knew that you were the
rlm@0: most reliable person I could think of. And you made it. You should
rlm@0: have seen the smile on her face when I told her you had called in
rlm@0: from your hotel room." His hand went to his eyes as tears of his own
rlm@0: began to blur his vision. "I'd never seen her so happy. It was as if
rlm@0: a huge burden that had been on her shoulders for our entire marriage
rlm@0: had been lifted." He looked up, swallowing painfully. "Sonomi-san,
rlm@0: you meant quite a bit to her. So please don't feel lonely. I know
rlm@0: she's keeping an eye on you."
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: "Nadeshiko-chan..." Sonomi sobbed above Nadeshiko's grave, her face
rlm@0: in her hands. The rain had by now thoroughly soaked her dress, but
rlm@0: she could hardly care about such trivial things. Her mind was lost on
rlm@0: those lovely syllables, Nadeshiko. She had always felt so alone,
rlm@0: always wondering how much she had meant to her innocent cousin. Had
rlm@0: she been so happily married that the split between them meant nothing
rlm@0: to her? Was Nadeshiko watching from up above, a beautiful angel that
rlm@0: kept watch over her family? Or did she also give her divine attention
rlm@0: to Sonomi as well? Now it seemed that Sonomi had her answer. So she
rlm@0: cried her heart out, her own lonely tears joining the storm of tears
rlm@0: from up above.