rlm@0: Hello! ^-^ This is a songfic about Tomoyo-chan using the song ‘I Try’ by Macy rlm@0: Gray. ^-^ I hope you like it! ^-^ rlm@0: rlm@0: I Try rlm@0: by Amazoness Duo rlm@0: amazonessduo@hotmail.com rlm@0: rlm@0: rlm@0: “Games, changes, and fears. rlm@0: When will they go from here? rlm@0: When will they stop?” rlm@0: rlm@0: I love you so much, Sakura-chan. More than you could ever know. But rlm@0: you don’t see that, do you? That’s okay. I just want you to be happy. But I wish rlm@0: things didn’t have to take such a round about way to get there. First Tsukishiro- rlm@0: san and then Li-kun. I wonder when things will finally slow down enough for rlm@0: you. I want to be the one who gets to be the focus of your love. rlm@0: rlm@0: “I believe that Fate has brought us here. rlm@0: And we should be together, babe. rlm@0: But we’re not.” rlm@0: rlm@0: From the first day we met, I’ve been so in love with my beautiful rlm@0: Sakura-chan. And my love for you has only grown stronger throughout the rlm@0: years, through all that we’ve been through. I’ve been keeping it inside, watching rlm@0: you from a distance. I’m right there, but you don’t see me. But I’m happy to rlm@0: watch. To watch and love you from afar. But sometimes... Sometimes I want rlm@0: you to notice me. More than just a blush for a few seconds when I say rlm@0: something embarrassing. I want you to look at me. To look at me the way I look rlm@0: at you. But that’s silly. You would never look at me that way with those rlm@0: shimmering emerald eyes. Would you? rlm@0: rlm@0: “I play it off but I’m dreaming of you. rlm@0: And I’ll keep my cool, but I’m feeling, rlm@0: I try to say goodbye and I choke rlm@0: I try to walk away and I stumble. rlm@0: Though I try to hide it, it’s clear. rlm@0: My world crumbles when you are not there. rlm@0: Goodbye and I choke. rlm@0: I try to walk away and I stumble. rlm@0: Though I try to hide it, it’s clear. rlm@0: My world crumbles when you are not there.” rlm@0: rlm@0: Sakura-chan is so genki, and sweet, and gentle, and shy, and perfect. rlm@0: How could I not fall in love with you? It’s just impossible. There’s no way I rlm@0: could spend so much time with you and not feel my heart flutter whenever rlm@0: you’re near me. Your friendship means everything to me. It fills my soul with rlm@0: joy just to be able to spend an afternoon with my dear Sakura-chan. I couldn’t rlm@0: risk affecting our friendship, even if I think you’d be accepting of my love for rlm@0: you. My love for you will never change. I’ll always love you, even if I can’t be rlm@0: with you. So I pretend it’s nothing. I hide behind my cheerful wall, not letting rlm@0: anything affect me. At least not that you can see. But it does hurt. Being around rlm@0: you so often, but never being able to tell you, to let you know that every beat of rlm@0: my heart murmurs your name throughout my body. I tell myself that I’ll be rlm@0: happy as long as you are, but I don’t think I can ever be happy without you. But rlm@0: maybe if I know you’re happy, I can be content with that thought. Because I’ll rlm@0: never stop loving you. It’s so difficult to keep up the charade sometimes. Seeing rlm@0: you blush at my comments or just wearing one of my costumes is almost rlm@0: unbearable. I just want to let it slip for a moment. I want to hug you and kiss you rlm@0: and tell you how much my heart yearns for you every waking moment. That rlm@0: cutely costumed Sakuras haunt my dreams. But I have to keep silent, always rlm@0: smiling. For you. rlm@0: rlm@0: “I may appear to be free. rlm@0: But I’m just a prisoner. rlm@0: Of your love.” rlm@0: rlm@0: You think I’m happier than I am. That I’m stronger than I am. But rlm@0: that’s okay. Because I wouldn’t want to worry you with what’s hiding beneath rlm@0: the surface. It’s not your fault that you don’t see it. I hide it from you because I rlm@0: think it’s better that way. Maybe when you’re older I can explain everything and rlm@0: we’ll both laugh about how I would fawn over you and you wouldn’t even rlm@0: notice. And I’ll dress you up in a cute wedding dress and you still won’t notice. I rlm@0: have hinted a little heavily sometimes, but you can hardly be expected to notice. rlm@0: You’re very busy with the Cards and school and friends. Besides, I always rlm@0: found that denseness about you to be rather cute. I find everything about you rlm@0: cute. I stay silent about my feelings because I love you. I will do everything I rlm@0: can to make you happy because I love you. Sometimes it hurts so much that I rlm@0: want to break down and cry, but I know I can’t slip in front of you. It would be rlm@0: so much easier to let it all go, but I know that that’s impossible. The red string of rlm@0: fate has me bound eternally to you, Sakura-chan. rlm@0: rlm@0: “And I may seem all right. rlm@0: And smile when you leave. rlm@0: But my smiles are just a front. rlm@0: Just a front.” rlm@0: rlm@0: I try not to give you any reasons to worry about me. You already have rlm@0: enough to worry about without taking into consideration my feelings. I wouldn’t rlm@0: want to burden you anymore than you already are. And I would take all of that rlm@0: off your shoulders if I could. But you really do make a wonderful Card Mistress, rlm@0: so maybe I’d leave that... I have to have some reason to get you into cute rlm@0: costumes, after all. So I try not to let you see when I’m sad or when I’m hurting. rlm@0: Because I need you to be happy, even if I can’t be. I can’t stand to see Sakura- rlm@0: chan sad, especially on my behalf. I’ll keep catching that smiling face on rlm@0: videotape so that I can watch it whenever I’m down. But even then, part of me rlm@0: wishes that you could see past my fake smiles and cheerful voice to the pain rlm@0: deep inside. I wish that you could know, even though it would hurt me rlm@0: immensely to force that upon you. So please don’t look past my smiles, Sakura- rlm@0: chan. Because I know yours are real. And I can watch those shining smiles over rlm@0: and over again, letting them warm my lonely heart. rlm@0: rlm@0: “I play it off but I’m dreaming of you. rlm@0: And I’ll keep my cool but I’m feeling, rlm@0: I try to say goodbye and I choke. rlm@0: I try to walk away and I stumble. rlm@0: Though I try to hide it, it’s clear. rlm@0: My world crumbles when you are not there. rlm@0: Goodbye and I choke. rlm@0: I try to walk away and I stumble. rlm@0: Though I try to hide it, it’s clear. rlm@0: My world crumbles when you are not there.” rlm@0: rlm@0: Sometimes it’s so hard to keep it up. My knees go weak and my heart rlm@0: pounds in my chest and my vision blurs. Everything disappears but you. And I rlm@0: try so hard to keep up the illusion that I’m perfectly all right. That there’s rlm@0: nothing to worry about. But I want nothing more than to hold your hand. To rlm@0: gaze into those deep, jade eyes of yours. To look forever into Sakura-chan. Do rlm@0: you know how that feels? To feel so completely and utterly in love with rlm@0: someone that your body won’t listen to you? That they’re the only thing in your rlm@0: entire world? To borrow from you, Sakura-chan, everything is just ‘hanyaa’. It’s rlm@0: perfect. But I barely manage to keep up my mask. I say something embarrassing rlm@0: to you that you almost immediately shrug off and I’m back to where I was. No, I rlm@0: want to cry. Because my feelings have nowhere to go. I can’t pour them out to rlm@0: you the way I want to. I just have to pretend they’re not there so I won’t risk rlm@0: anything. And you ignore my hints and comments. So I go back home and watch rlm@0: my precious Sakura-chan. Hours and hours and hours of you on videotape, rlm@0: doing almost anything imaginable. But it’s not you. And it’s a poor substitute rlm@0: for you. But it’s all I have. rlm@0: rlm@0: “Here is my confession. rlm@0: May I be your possession. rlm@0: Boy, I need your touch. rlm@0: For love, kisses, and such. rlm@0: With all my mind I try. rlm@0: But this I can’t deny. rlm@0: Deny.” rlm@0: rlm@0: Despite all of this, you’re all I want. With all of my heart. I just want to rlm@0: be with you. I want to be the one to make you happy. I want to hold you close rlm@0: when you’re scared, to hug and kiss you when I’m lonely, and to just be there to rlm@0: pour all of that love inside my heart onto you. I want you to be happy above all rlm@0: else, but I wish... I wish I could be the one to make you happy. I wish I could be rlm@0: the one to receive Sakura-chan’s warm love. When you’re lonely or sad, you rlm@0: come to me with your problems and I try my best to soothe you. But when I’m rlm@0: lonely or sad, I pretend it’s fine and I go out of my way not to force them on rlm@0: you. I’m sorry for not telling you. But I promised myself that I’d watch out for rlm@0: you. Your happiness means so much to me. I can’t spoil it. I’d hate myself for rlm@0: ever taking a sweet smile from your lips. Sakura-chan should always be smiling. rlm@0: Just like I’ll always be watching. I need you, Sakura-chan. But I can’t tell you rlm@0: that. rlm@0: rlm@0: “I play it off but I’m dreaming of you. (but I’m dreaming of you babe) rlm@0: And I’ll keep my cool but I’m feeling, rlm@0: I try to say goodbye and I choke. rlm@0: I try to walk away and I stumble. rlm@0: Though I try to hide it, it’s clear. rlm@0: My world crumbles when you are not there. rlm@0: Goodbye and I choke. rlm@0: I try to walk away and I stumble. rlm@0: Though I try to hide it, it’s clear. rlm@0: My world crumbles when you are not there. rlm@0: Goodbye and I choke. rlm@0: I try to walk away and I stumble. rlm@0: Though I try to hide it, it’s clear. rlm@0: My world crumbles when you are not there. rlm@0: rlm@0: You may not notice it, but my love is always burning right there for rlm@0: you. It’s always there to support you with whatever you do and soothe your rlm@0: weary soul whenever you need it. And that will never change, no matter what rlm@0: lies ahead. Even if you don’t see it, even if you don’t see me, I’ll be right behind rlm@0: you, following your every adventure in life. I have to admit, it looks lonely on rlm@0: the road up ahead. But I’m sure as long as I can follow you on the road, even if I rlm@0: can’t travel it with you, I’ll manage somehow. I love you too much not to. rlm@0: You’ll always be the closest to my heart, Sakura-chan. I wish that I could be rlm@0: your travel mate. I could pack the bags and we could see wherever life took us. rlm@0: Please? I’m sure it will only be good things in store for you. But even if there rlm@0: were some clouds in the sky, it would be all right as long as I was with you. But rlm@0: I guess it can’t work that way, can it? It’s still nice to dream, though. I know it rlm@0: would be heaven to experience all of what life has to offer with Sakura-chan. rlm@0: Instead I’ll just need to content myself with the postcards I can get from you as rlm@0: life pulls you inexplicably towards whatever lies in store. And I’ll read them rlm@0: again and again, sealing whatever bit of you I can catch forever in my heart. I’ll rlm@0: take life’s home movies of you. So smile, Sakura-chan. And I’ll smile, too. Just rlm@0: please don’t look past my smile. Because I don’t think I can hide the tears rlm@0: forever.