rlm@0: Dear Sakura
rlm@0: Darlest Before the Dawn
rlm@0: by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
rlm@0: amazonessduo@hotmail.com
rlm@0: pearsong1954@yahoo.com
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 	Like a dolphin emerging from crystal blue water, Sakura exited a
rlm@0: small changing room with her usual energetic spirit. She smiled
rlm@0: beautifully into the camcorder capturing her image, looking only
rlm@0: mildly embarrassed. Her cheeks reddened ever so slightly as she
rlm@0: twirled with all of the grace that years of athletics had granted
rlm@0: her, her pumpkin colored pleated skirt twirling with her. Like a
rlm@0: professional dancer, her movement was smooth and captivating. The
rlm@0: camera angle remained constant, a memory frozen in time. Sakura
rlm@0: paused at last, smiling once again into the camera. Diamond tears
rlm@0: sparkled nearly imperceptibly at the corners of her emerald eyes.
rlm@0: After curtsying cutely, the brunette excused herself back into the
rlm@0: cramped changing room. The camcorder fell to the side as its owner
rlm@0: hurried near the small room concernedly. It had only been for a brief
rlm@0: second, possibly nothing more than a trick of the mind. But if there
rlm@0: was a single thing that Tomoyo could claim to be an expert in, it was
rlm@0: the usually genki brunette on the other end of the door.
rlm@0: 	“Sakura-chan, are you all right?” the camcorder’s owner asked
rlm@0: worriedly, only a short distance from the door that separated them.
rlm@0: Pale fingers moved in front of the camera’s line of sight, touching
rlm@0: briefly on the wood frame, wishing that she could dismiss it to get
rlm@0: to the girl inside. No, the woman inside. They weren’t children
rlm@0: anymore. And she was no longer the one to share in Sakura’s feelings.
rlm@0: If Sakura didn’t wish to tell her, then she had no right to pry.
rlm@0: 	“Hai,” a shaky voice replied from inside, one obviously trying to
rlm@0: cover recent tears. “I’ll be out in just a minute.”
rlm@0: 	
rlm@0: 	With a touch of a button, the images before her dispersed into
rlm@0: darkness. Tomoyo sat in her dimly lit room, still staring at the now
rlm@0: blank screen that had held the vision of her darling Sakura. It was
rlm@0: from one of her last tapes, one she had taken during her trip to Hong
rlm@0: Kong. And one of the most disturbing. What had gotten to Sakura? What
rlm@0: had brought her sudden tears? It had only been the second day of
rlm@0: Tomoyo’s visit and they had spent many hours talking the night before
rlm@0: so it could very well have been a mixture of sleep deprivation and
rlm@0: the shock of finally being with her best friend again. But Tomoyo had
rlm@0: slowly begun to suspect something else as the cause of the tears. It
rlm@0: had to do with her videotaping Sakura again, of that she was certain.
rlm@0: Sakura had always been embarrassed when she would videotape her, but
rlm@0: this time there had been something else as well. Almost a sense of
rlm@0: relief from the gorgeous brunette, as if she was glad to be the focus
rlm@0: of Tomoyo’s camcorder once more. The tears had looked so sad, so
rlm@0: lonely. It tore at Tomoyo’s heart to know that they had to grace the
rlm@0: Cardmistress at all. So what did this mean? On it’s own, perhaps
rlm@0: nothing. But adding to it what had happened since and the sense of
rlm@0: longing that had been present in Sakura’s letters as of late, Tomoyo
rlm@0: could begin to make assumptions. She was on the verge of ruining
rlm@0: Sakura’s life. And she had to jump ship before that happened or she
rlm@0: would drag Sakura under with her. 
rlm@0: 	Sakura’s understanding of her feelings for Tomoyo had always been
rlm@0: simple. Tomoyo was a good friend, someone she could trust with
rlm@0: anything, someone she could always count on, someone who would always
rlm@0: be there for her. In a way, she had never really seen Tomoyo. She
rlm@0: hadn’t looked at her, seen her for who she really was. Tomoyo had
rlm@0: always been behind the camera, and because of it, Sakura had never
rlm@0: truly understood her eccentric best friend or the feelings that went
rlm@0: along with her. But now it looked like Sakura was dangerously close
rlm@0: to understanding those feelings in an entirely new light. Tomoyo had
rlm@0: been dragged out from behind the camera by Sakura and could no longer
rlm@0: hide. Sakura had finally seen Tomoyo, had finally really looked at
rlm@0: her. That thought was deliciously exiting to Tomoyo, but it also set
rlm@0: her on the verge of tears because she knew what deeper meaning it
rlm@0: held. If Sakura began to see the love Tomoyo had held for her all
rlm@0: these years, or worse, in some way returned these feelings, it would
rlm@0: ruin her beautiful marriage and the wonderful new life she had begun.
rlm@0: She would never be able to simply reject Tomoyo. Sakura could never
rlm@0: bear to hurt her like that. It would slowly tear apart everything
rlm@0: Tomoyo had prayed for in Sakura’s life. And so Tomoyo had decided
rlm@0: long ago that it was best not to tell Sakura, that despite that
rlm@0: promise from years long past, she would not explain to Sakura when
rlm@0: they were older. It would only burden the brunette and cause
rlm@0: difficulty for her, even more so now that she was married. 
rlm@0: 	Darkness surrounded Tomoyo, deep and all encompassing. She honestly
rlm@0: didn’t know whether or not her eyes were open, only that they stung
rlm@0: with fresh tears. A huge dilemma lay before her, and it had taken all
rlm@0: of her strength to try and come to a decision. Her heart and soul
rlm@0: argued over which course of action to take, about where her path
rlm@0: should take her. For a time, she had found it nearly impossible, lost
rlm@0: in the possibilities, surrounded by bittersweet memories that
rlm@0: beckoned her to join them. Slowly, shakily, she had reached out and
rlm@0: finally grasped onto her decision. Now all that was left was to see
rlm@0: it through to the end. In the end, it came down to the most important
rlm@0: thing in her life: Sakura’s happiness. And Tomoyo would gladly die
rlm@0: for it. She would suffer whatever was necessary to safeguard the
rlm@0: happiness of the one she loved. 
rlm@0: But this was the most difficult thing she had ever done in her life.
rlm@0: Helping to get Sakura with Syaoran in the first place had offered her
rlm@0: a momentary distraction from the depth of her own feelings, allowing
rlm@0: her to concentrate on Sakura’s best interests alone. The marriage had
rlm@0: been incredibly painful for her, but it had been tinged with the
rlm@0: knowledge that Sakura would be embarking on a new life with the one
rlm@0: she loved, and that had eased her pain. But this offered no solace.
rlm@0: There was no escape from the pain this time. She merely knew that it
rlm@0: had to be done. For Sakura’s sake, and for her own. Her gingerly
rlm@0: crafted masks were beginning to betray her. Cracks had begun to
rlm@0: spiderweb through her many masks after her recent contact with
rlm@0: Sakura. They were slowly becoming undone right in front of her eyes.
rlm@0: When Sakura had seen her, had actually looked at the girl that hid
rlm@0: behind the normally smiling portrait of Tomoyo Daidouji, the masks
rlm@0: she had hidden herself behind had slowly but surely begun to shatter,
rlm@0: leaving her defenseless to the unbridled passion of her own love and
rlm@0: unable to hide it from Sakura’s curious eyes. She could no longer
rlm@0: handle the pain of watching the woman she loved happily married.
rlm@0: Sakura’s happiness meant the world to her, but watching Sakura’s
rlm@0: marriage was beginning to take its toll on the pale ghost of a woman.
rlm@0: How could she have fooled herself into thinking she could sit by and
rlm@0: watch it? Had she really thought she could quell the feelings in her
rlm@0: own heart? It would have been easier to still her heart from beating
rlm@0: than to keep the love inside at bay. She had been a fool to think
rlm@0: that her masks would be able to hide her from the pain, to think that
rlm@0: she could remain simply Sakura’s friend in a far off land as Sakura’s
rlm@0: new life took her further and further away. Not just physical
rlm@0: distance either. The dark haired girl was simply no longer necessary.
rlm@0: At one point in time, Sakura had always come to her no matter what
rlm@0: the circumstances. She had trusted Tomoyo with her fragile heart and
rlm@0: Tomoyo had done her best to take good care of it, trying to set it on
rlm@0: the right path. But now she had another to go to when she ever wanted
rlm@0: for something. Her husband was now the most important person in
rlm@0: Sakura’s life. Even then, Sakura still came to Tomoyo with surprising
rlm@0: frequency. It was yet another reason for Tomoyo’s decision. She was
rlm@0: standing in the way of Sakura’s marriage. She was an unnecessary link
rlm@0: to Sakura’s past, holding the brunette back in the face of her own
rlm@0: marriage. Syaoran was the one she should go to now. He was the one
rlm@0: that should share her pain and heal her heart. It was no longer
rlm@0: Tomoyo’s right to do so. 
rlm@0: Walking through the nearly pitch black room, Tomoyo hardly noticed
rlm@0: the fire that shot through her hip as she struck something in the
rlm@0: dark while walking. Ignoring it, the pale girl moved forward through
rlm@0: the shadows. Had anyone seen her then, they may very well have
rlm@0: mistaken her for a phantom, her pale features and tear streaked face
rlm@0: appearing almost translucent in the dim moonlight. Her room,
rlm@0: practically a shrine to her darling Sakura, now felt more like a
rlm@0: tomb. Her delicate hands finally found what she was searching for,
rlm@0: settling on the desk that had served her so well in the past. Whether
rlm@0: making costumes, labeling videotapes, or simply practicing for choir,
rlm@0: it had been a patient companion. These days, there were no more
rlm@0: costumes to be made, no more videotapes to label, and no more choir
rlm@0: to practice for. It held several slips of paper and a picture frame
rlm@0: on it vast expanses.
rlm@0: Collapsing weakly into the chair, Tomoyo burst into fresh tears,
rlm@0: sobbing quietly in the darkness as she was assaulted by a fresh wave
rlm@0: of agony. Was this the only way? Could she possibly find another
rlm@0: solution? No, this was her last option. She had to go through with
rlm@0: it. She couldn’t risk Sakura’s future any longer through her own
rlm@0: selfishness. If she truly loved the other woman, she would have to
rlm@0: see this through. That finally slowed her aching sobs, though it did
rlm@0: nothing for her shredded heart. With intentional care, Tomoyo slowly
rlm@0: continued to write the address on the envelope that lay before her,
rlm@0: concentrating as best she could on each and every character. Sakura
rlm@0: had told her that her writing was beautiful. She had to make sure
rlm@0: that it was lovely for Sakura’s sake. Because Sakura deserved no less
rlm@0: and she needed to make sure that Sakura didn’t think anything was
rlm@0: wrong. If she was going to succeed, then she had to make sure that
rlm@0: the letter didn’t worry her dear friend.
rlm@0: Memories are such fragile things. They lay tentatively on the edge
rlm@0: of one’s mind. Sometimes they would fade to protect their owner.
rlm@0: Other times, time itself would take its toll on them, wearing them
rlm@0: down into nothing. But there was something that existed beyond
rlm@0: memories, not simply the images and feelings that were conjured about
rlm@0: things from the past, but a deeper flame that could never be
rlm@0: extinguished. Memories of the heart. Tomoyo knew that she could never
rlm@0: forget Sakura, that the love in her heart would never fade away. But
rlm@0: in many ways, that made it so much harder to continue forward. Even
rlm@0: then, she would never want any of it to disappear. Her tapes of
rlm@0: Sakura left her with a wonderful look back at the past, crystalline
rlm@0: moments that she could treasure. They were an extensive documentary
rlm@0: on the beautiful brunette spanning nine glorious years. Tomoyo was
rlm@0: only sorry that they had to end now. She watched her tapes over and
rlm@0: over, reliving the time spent with her beloved Sakura. And for an all
rlm@0: too brief moment, they would be together again. 
rlm@0: Picking up an old costume design that she had never finished, Tomoyo
rlm@0: began to write on the back, the words gushing forth as a dam inside
rlm@0: of her finally burst open.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: ‘Dear Sakura-chan,
rlm@0: As I sit here writing this, I see your beautiful face in my mind’s
rlm@0: eye, your sweet smile sending ripples throughout the stormy ocean of
rlm@0: my soul. I know that you may hate me for this, and though I could
rlm@0: hardly bear the thought of you ever hating me, I know that I must go
rlm@0: through with this. I’m not sure if I can explain why, but it doesn’t
rlm@0: really matter. Please know that you have always been the most
rlm@0: treasured thing in my life. I would never wish to hurt you. That’s
rlm@0: why I have to say goodbye.
rlm@0: Our time together in Hong Kong was like a gorgeous dream that I
rlm@0: never wished to wake up from. Even though I must finally awaken, I
rlm@0: will carry that dream with me always. Being with you was more magical
rlm@0: than any of the Cards you have in your possession. Your true power
rlm@0: doesn’t come from your magic or the Sakura Cards. It comes from the
rlm@0: indomitable force in your heart. That power has always pushed you
rlm@0: forward in life, and I was happy to be pulled along in its wake.
rlm@0: Nurturing it and helping it grow inside of you always brought a smile
rlm@0: to my lips. But now you have outgrown me. You no longer need my
rlm@0: helpful hand in the way. Like a mother watching her child venture out
rlm@0: into the world, it’s time that I let you go forth on your own. Please
rlm@0: don’t worry. I know that you must be thinking it isn’t so, that
rlm@0: there’s still some use for me. But I have seen you grow and mature
rlm@0: into a beautiful woman. Strong, confident, courageous. Sweet,
rlm@0: innocent, gentle. All of the qualities that so enamored me with you
rlm@0: for all of these years. You no longer need my love and support to go
rlm@0: forward. These are now within your own heart. When you need that
rlm@0: extra bit of love and encouragement, I know you will be able to find
rlm@0: it in your husband. So though tears dot this letter, please know that
rlm@0: I leave you in capable hands. I have always trusted you with all my
rlm@0: heart. I know that wherever your path in life leads, you will be able
rlm@0: to handle the roads ahead with ease. Nothing can hold back the lovely
rlm@0: and unstoppable Sakura-chan!
rlm@0: I know that I promised you long ago that I would explain what I
rlm@0: meant about the differences in our love when you were older. I’m
rlm@0: sorry that I never did. I thought that it would only interfere with
rlm@0: your life, with your feelings for Syaoran. I knew that you wouldn’t
rlm@0: be able to reject me outright. Your heart is too kind for that. And
rlm@0: in doing so, you may have ruined your chances at the marriage you now
rlm@0: find yourself in. So I will explain right here, where there is no
rlm@0: fear of the rejection you wouldn’t have put me through or the damage
rlm@0: it could have caused. All is already said and done, so this is merely
rlm@0: an afterthought, an explanation so perhaps you may understand your
rlm@0: best friend a little better and why I acted the way I did for all of
rlm@0: the years you’ve known me. Years ago, you were only a child of ten at
rlm@0: the time, I told you that I loved you. You said that you loved me,
rlm@0: too. It was so cute to hear you say that. You always were an
rlm@0: extremely sweet girl, Sakura-chan. My heart swelled to hear your
rlm@0: words, even though I knew you didn’t understand what I meant. I told
rlm@0: you that our love was different, that I would explain when you were
rlm@0: older. I’m sorry for taking so long to deliver my promise to you.
rlm@0: Love is such a vast and varied thing. There are so many depths and
rlm@0: intricacies that sometimes make it almost impossible to discern. I
rlm@0: know that you yourself have had difficulty understanding the
rlm@0: different forms of love in the past. Our love is very different from
rlm@0: each other’s love. You love Syaoran as your prince, your one True
rlm@0: Love, as your other half. You love me as your friend, your confidant,
rlm@0: and as a sister. I love you as my prince, my one True Love, my other
rlm@0: half. That is why I always wanted you to know how much I cared about
rlm@0: you, why I tried to show my love for you in everything I did, even if
rlm@0: you loved another. You are my special someone, Sakura-chan, the one
rlm@0: who captured my heart so long ago. Videotaping you, designing
rlm@0: costumes for you, even simply watching you filled my heart with joy.
rlm@0: Love can be an extremely strong force and it has had me in its grasp
rlm@0: for quite a long time now. I am lost to it, but I would never wish to
rlm@0: be found if it meant giving up the warmth and delight that it offers
rlm@0: me. Being in love with you has always been my fondest wish come true.
rlm@0: To love someone so charming, so enchanting, is something that most
rlm@0: people can only dream about. The way I looked at you, the way I
rlm@0: fawned over you, it was always with love in my eyes. It never once
rlm@0: mattered to me that you were a girl, though I know you didn’t
rlm@0: understand such things with the puzzled look you gave me when I tried
rlm@0: to explain my mother’s preferences. Sakura-chan is Sakura-chan.
rlm@0: Brave, beautiful, generous, genki. I love you for who you are. I
rlm@0: would never want to change you in the least. Images of you fill my
rlm@0: mind, swirling like pictures in a kaleidoscope. I love you, Sakura-
rlm@0: chan.
rlm@0: Everyone loved Sakura-chan, so I was not at all surprised that
rlm@0: someone else would eventually win your heart. I told you that I
rlm@0: wanted my special someone to be happy even if they couldn’t be with
rlm@0: me and I meant that. Your happiness means everything to me. If you
rlm@0: truly love someone, if your heart belongs completely to them, then
rlm@0: their happiness is truly your heart’s desire. Because you want the
rlm@0: person you love to be filled with joy, to live a life that will be
rlm@0: thrilling and fulfilling to them. I told you that I would be happy if
rlm@0: my special someone returned my feelings, but that their happiness was
rlm@0: what I wanted above all else. And that’s exactly how I feel. If you
rlm@0: could be happier with someone else, if someone else could bring out
rlm@0: the love in your heart, then that’s what I wanted for you. Even
rlm@0: mother feels this way, though she doesn’t entirely understand it.
rlm@0: When you were here, she explained that your father made your mother
rlm@0: happy. Mother has strong feelings against your father because he took
rlm@0: Nadeshiko-san away from her, but when she looks at you, she truly
rlm@0: knows that Nadeshiko-san was happy and that calms her spirits.
rlm@0: Because she loved Nadeshiko-san as much as I love you. Which is why I
rlm@0: know she understands my feelings for you. What she didn’t understand
rlm@0: is why I tried to push you towards Li-kun. I don’t know if you
rlm@0: understand that or not, so I will try to explain. I wanted you to be
rlm@0: happy above all else. I wanted you to fall in love with your prince,
rlm@0: to have a happy marriage, to have beautiful children, to live your
rlm@0: life to the fullest. I could tell that Li-kun was falling in love
rlm@0: with you and that the two of you got along very well. You really were
rlm@0: cute together. I wanted him to tell you and I tried to help him
rlm@0: along, to get him to express his feelings to you. I know it wasn’t
rlm@0: fair that I told him to tell you his feelings while I was silent
rlm@0: about my own, but I thought that you could be happy with him. I
rlm@0: thought he could be your one true love. As Kero-chan has said before,
rlm@0: there’s no such thing as coincidence. He was your partner, your
rlm@0: helper in Cardcapting. He protected you and was there alongside you
rlm@0: while I was hidden away behind a camera, watching it all happen. He
rlm@0: could give you a child, protect you, and love you. I thought that you
rlm@0: felt something for him as well, so I tried my hardest to help the two
rlm@0: of you along. My goal was to see Sakura-chan happily in love. I’m
rlm@0: glad that I managed to help see that come to pass. Perhaps that was
rlm@0: my part in Clow Reed’s grand plan, to help your heart grow and mature
rlm@0: and to find the love you so deserved. You’re now the most powerful
rlm@0: magician on the planet with a loving husband and an exciting new
rlm@0: life. That makes me happy. I knew my wonderful Sakura-chan could
rlm@0: accomplish anything.
rlm@0: So now I must fade away from your life, my mission finally complete.
rlm@0: Please know that I will always love you, Sakura-chan. That love will
rlm@0: never fade. I will always be by your side, my heart and soul yours to
rlm@0: command. They will always offer you their love and support. Please
rlm@0: don’t cry for me. It makes me sad when Sakura-chan’s sad. Please
rlm@0: smile and greet the new day knowing that your best friend got her
rlm@0: dearest wish in just watching you. As long as you’re happy, I will
rlm@0: be, too. Thank you so much for being my best friend, for letting me
rlm@0: into your life. Leaving it is the hardest thing I have ever done, but
rlm@0: I do so content in the knowledge that my sweet Sakura-chan is well
rlm@0: taken care of.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Farewell,
rlm@0: Daidouji Tomoyo
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: I’ll miss you so much, Sakura-chan.’
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 	
rlm@0: 	Stars sprinkled into Tomoyo’s room with barely visible pinpricks of
rlm@0: light, vaguely illuminating the half finished costume design on the
rlm@0: paper she had used to write her letter to Sakura. “Sakura-chan...”
rlm@0: her broken voice choked out, another sob wracking her small body. Her
rlm@0: hands went to her face, dark hair draping around her like a death
rlm@0: shroud as strangled sobs escaped her lips. Her heart felt like broken
rlm@0: glass, an antique accidentally knocked off a table by an overzealous
rlm@0: child, unsalvageable except for several jagged fragments. Despair
rlm@0: brushed its fingers through her hair, bringing its chilling shadow
rlm@0: across her heart. “Sakura-chan...” she whimpered again, tears falling
rlm@0: unheeded to the desk and the letter it held. What was she to do? How
rlm@0: could she live without Sakura? A midnight black thought entered her
rlm@0: mind in reply; how could she live her life with Sakura? She was close
rlm@0: to shattering completely, the cracks in her façade already becoming
rlm@0: evident. If she stayed in Sakura’s life, watched her love in her new
rlm@0: life and marriage, it would undoubtedly kill her. She hadn’t
rlm@0: understood how painful it would be as a child, hope still clinging
rlm@0: desperately to her heart at the time. ‘I knew that Sakura-chan would
rlm@0: come and rescue me,’ she had once said. No, this wasn’t her fairy
rlm@0: tale. It was Sakura’s. Which is why she had to leave it so that
rlm@0: Sakura could have her fairy tale ending and live happily ever after.
rlm@0: No matter how much it hurt her to do so, she had to go through with
rlm@0: it.  For Sakura to live, she had to die. Her stormy blue eyes fought
rlm@0: back another wave of tears as her body shook painfully. Her heart
rlm@0: ached for Sakura, images of the brunette appearing vividly in her
rlm@0: mind. “Don’t you make me happy,” her musical voice got out weakly
rlm@0: before it broke. 
rlm@0: 	Numb fingers reached out slowly, grasping the letter in shaking
rlm@0: hands. “No... I can’t send this to Sakura-chan. I can’t send this to
rlm@0: her,” her gentle voice, no more than a whisper, seemed to disappear
rlm@0: before it even reached the young heiress’s ears. She held it up in
rlm@0: the dim light, barely able to make out the picture of Sakura in a
rlm@0: costume or the painstakingly crafted characters in her letter. It was
rlm@0: too sad. It would worry Sakura. She had to fade away from Sakura’s
rlm@0: life painlessly, leaving the brunette as simply as a dream that
rlm@0: disappeared when one tried to recall it. She held the letter tightly
rlm@0: to her chest as she choked back another sob. Leaving the now crumpled
rlm@0: letter on the side of her desk, Tomoyo pulled out a fresh piece of
rlm@0: paper and began to start all over again. 
rlm@0: 	The thought that she would never see Sakura again cut into her
rlm@0: heart like a knife, each breath burning her further. She had known
rlm@0: this time would come for years now, but now that it was finally
rlm@0: happening, its crushing weight made any step forward seem impossible.
rlm@0: “I’ll never forget you, Sakura-chan,” she whispered, placing a soft
rlm@0: kiss on a picture frame that graced her desk. The picture of Sakura
rlm@0: smiled back happily, frozen forever in her expression of joy. With a
rlm@0: swift movement that almost scared Tomoyo, she shattered the picture
rlm@0: frame against the side of the desk. Glass fell quietly to the carpet,
rlm@0: Sakura’s picture fluttering free to lay atop them. Tomoyo reached
rlm@0: down, picking up the memory from years long past. She set it gingerly
rlm@0: on the desk, her fingers trailing Sakura’s features in the
rlm@0: photograph. How she wished she could step into the picture, to turn
rlm@0: back all these years so she could spend them with Sakura once more.
rlm@0: Even if things had to turn out this way, she would love to spend even
rlm@0: one slim moment with Sakura before she slipped away forever. Her hand
rlm@0: reached down again, picking up the biggest shard of glass off of the
rlm@0: floor. She barely noticed as it cut into her palm, the warm blood
rlm@0: trickling out over it seeming to be nothing more than a daydream. She
rlm@0: had to leave Sakura’s life, she knew that. But how could she just
rlm@0: tell Sakura that she was leaving her? How could she possibly write
rlm@0: Sakura a farewell letter? The warmth of her blood slipping through
rlm@0: her fingers felt so much nicer than the bitter cold that was wrapped
rlm@0: tightly around her heart. She had to escape Sakura’s life for both of
rlm@0: their sakes. She had to. Shaky fingers clutched the shard of glass
rlm@0: tighter, it’s sharp edge driving deeper into the soft flesh of her
rlm@0: hand. “Sakura-chan...” she whispered miserably. She couldn’t write
rlm@0: the letter. She could never tell Sakura goodbye like that. It was too
rlm@0: painful. She would just escape Sakura’s life now. It would be less
rlm@0: painful for them both that way. Sakura would forget about her soon
rlm@0: enough. She would be able to watch Sakura as her guardian angel,
rlm@0: could keep an eye on her beautiful life from up above. 
rlm@0: 	“Forgive me, Sakura-chan. Please forgive me. I love you so much.”
rlm@0: Her stormy blue eyes shut tightly, Tomoyo brought the jagged glass to
rlm@0: her wrist and concentrated on the brunette as she felt the wet shard
rlm@0: press against soft skin. Tendrils of darkness and despair snaked out,
rlm@0: wrapping tightly around her heart. This was the only way. Sakura
rlm@0: would wake up from her dream named Tomoyo soon enough. And she would
rlm@0: be happy in her new life. If she didn’t do this, Sakura’s beautiful
rlm@0: life would come tumbling down, crushing the girl that Tomoyo loved so
rlm@0: dearly. Her pain was almost over. Just another few minutes...
rlm@0: 	The shard of glass fell silently to the floor, a small trail of
rlm@0: blood following it. Some crimson ran down Tomoyo’s wrist, pooling on
rlm@0: her desktop. Her head slumped to the desk as she began to cry again.
rlm@0: She couldn’t. Not yet. The thought of her mother finding her, cold
rlm@0: and dead had hit her like a shockwave. She couldn’t put her mother
rlm@0: through that. Sonomi had already lost so much. That would be terribly
rlm@0: cruel to her loving mother. Even worse, the knowledge that Sonomi
rlm@0: would call Sakura to the funeral sent a terrible chill through her.
rlm@0: She wanted to die to protect Sakura, to escape this pain, but that
rlm@0: would only serve to hurt Sakura even more. No, she had to wait. She
rlm@0: would be moving out in several days. She would go someplace far away
rlm@0: and disappear from Sakura’s life forever. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 	“So there you are, Tomoyo-chan. I was beginning to think you’d
rlm@0: fallen asleep in front of another of your videos again,” Sonomi
rlm@0: teased, smiling at her lavender haired daughter. Tomoyo looked paler
rlm@0: than usual this morning for some reason. Her stormy blue eyes looked
rlm@0: distant, their normal sparkle gone. The head of the Daidouji
rlm@0: household gasped when she saw the bandage around Tomoyo’s right hand
rlm@0: and left wrist. “Oh, Tomoyo-chan! What happened?” Bolting up, the
rlm@0: normally overcautious mother hurried to her daughter’s side. Patches
rlm@0: of red shown through the bandages covering her daughter’s delicate
rlm@0: hand. Tomoyo was still a little shorter than Sonomi but it took all
rlm@0: of the older woman’s self-restraint not to kneel down as she had when
rlm@0: Tomoyo had been a little girl. 
rlm@0: 	Tomoyo smiled softly, but the smile didn’t meet her eyes. The dark,
rlm@0: stormy eyes looked dead, their depths dark and unyielding. Part of
rlm@0: that frightened Sonomi. Her daughter hid so much but she had always
rlm@0: managed to see past her masks and into those very emotional blue
rlm@0: eyes. They were the same as Sonomi’s own eyes, part of the reason she
rlm@0: suspected that she could see through to her daughter’s true feelings.
rlm@0: But this time it was as if there was nothing behind them or as if
rlm@0: they were completely cut off to her. “It’s all right, okaa-sama. I
rlm@0: just hurt myself last night. I was trying to clean up some glass
rlm@0: after I accidentally knocked over a picture frame in my room. I
rlm@0: shouldn’t stay up so late watching my Sakura-chan videos. I get so
rlm@0: tired that I have a hard time concentrating.” 
rlm@0: 	Inspecting the hand, Sonomi bit her lower lip. There was something
rlm@0: about all of this that worried her, but she couldn’t quite put her
rlm@0: finger on it. Sighing, she let go of Tomoyo’s injured hand at last.
rlm@0: Her fingers brushed back some of Tomoyo’s lavender hair. “All right,
rlm@0: but I want you to go see a doctor about that later. I don’t want
rlm@0: anything bad to happen to your lovely hand because of some glass.”
rlm@0: 	Nodding in agreement, Tomoyo held the letter in her other hand
rlm@0: tighter. “Hai, okaa-sama. I’ll go to the doctor later today then.” 
rlm@0: 	Sonomi watched with growing unease as Tomoyo walked out to the
rlm@0: mailbox with the strange letter held tightly in her other hand. It
rlm@0: didn’t seem like Tomoyo to be so out of it. Her eyes usually had a
rlm@0: beautiful sparkle in them, her beautiful smile an entrancing quality
rlm@0: to it. Just what had happened to her little girl? 
rlm@0: 	Tomoyo stood in front of the mailbox with the letter half in. Her
rlm@0: pale fingers refused to let go of the letter they held. Her heart
rlm@0: argued painfully against her still unsure mind. This was it. This was
rlm@0: the last contact she and Sakura would ever share. After this, she
rlm@0: would be all alone. Forever. “Goodbye, Sakura-chan,” Tomoyo
rlm@0: whispered. Her heart screamed out in agony as the letter fell in.
rlm@0: Closing her eyes, the dark haired heiress held herself tightly. Her
rlm@0: body shook lightly as she stood there. The midmorning sun should have
rlm@0: felt refreshing, but her body felt like it was encased in ice. She
rlm@0: had to wonder if she had done the right thing. As long as Sakura was
rlm@0: happy, it wouldn’t matter. Arms wrapped around her cold body gently,
rlm@0: pulling her tightly into a hug. “Okaa-sama...?” she asked weakly. It
rlm@0: wasn’t until she felt Sonomi’s fingers brushing away her tears that
rlm@0: she realized she was crying again. “Mother..!” She grabbed onto
rlm@0: Sonomi with all of her strength, breaking down in tears in the
rlm@0: embrace of her mother. 
rlm@0: Sonomi held Tomoyo, whispering soothingly as she patted the younger
rlm@0: woman’s back. “Oh, my baby girl... My poor baby girl,” the
rlm@0: heartbroken mother whispered. She held Tomoyo’s head on her shoulder,
rlm@0: closing her eyes as she continued to rub the lavender haired girl’s
rlm@0: back. Tomoyo’s body shook against her as her daughter was wracked
rlm@0: with sobs. ‘Oh, Nadeshiko-chan... This can’t be how things have to
rlm@0: turn out. This can’t be. Why my baby girl? Please... Please give me
rlm@0: an answer, Nadeshiko-chan...’