rlm@0: Dear Sakura
rlm@0: by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
rlm@0: amazonessduo@hotmail.com
rlm@0: pearsong1954@yahoo.com
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Dear Tomoyo-chan,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Thank you so much for the beautiful dragonfly pin! I really love it.
rlm@0: It's just like you to pick out such a thoughtful and charming gift. A
rlm@0: job as a designer suits you well, because you have a wonderful
rlm@0: aesthetic. It shows through in so many wys: how you dress, the ways
rlm@0: you wear your hair, and even in your most delightful manner of
rlm@0: conversation. This House has not been so blessed with lovliness since
rlm@0: Sakura first came home as Sayoran's bride. With the two of you here
rlm@0: together under this one roof, it was quite a spectacle of beauty! I
rlm@0: know all here were very thankful to have had the pleasure of your
rlm@0: company during an all too brief stay.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Please pardon my halting attempts at Japanese. I have been hard at
rlm@0: work on the language ever since Sakura came to live here.. Of course,
rlm@0: I learned the language in college, and sometimes have had recourse to
rlm@0: it at work. But unless one speaks a laguage regularly with a native,
rlm@0: it is difficult to master all of the nuances, yes? Sakura has been
rlm@0: very kindly helping me, and I think she also enjoys conversing in
rlm@0: Japanese now and then. I know it has helped me quite a lot!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Also, thank you for coming for Sakura's sake. I think she sometimes
rlm@0: gets a little lonely here, so far away from friends and family and
rlm@0: her first home in Tomoeda. After I first saw you, I could understand
rlm@0: why she feels that way! She talks about you all the time lately. She
rlm@0: is quite terribly sad about your departure, but will, I am certain,
rlm@0: treasure the memories of you forever. Tomoyo-chan, she is really very
rlm@0: fond of you. I think perhaps even more than she knows? She is in some
rlm@0: ways a simple girl, and sometimes does not see subtle things. But she
rlm@0: has a marvelously big heart, and it is so full of love. Sometimes I
rlm@0: wonder about certain aspects of the wisdom she has had in marrying my
rlm@0: brother. I love little oniichan very much, but there are times when
rlm@0: one wonders about certain things, yes? Being a boy, he was always
rlm@0: very mysterious to me. I know that he cares for her, but about her
rlm@0: love, well, I am not sure if he quite knows what to do with it all? 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: There is an old saying in China, that a full heart is an empty
rlm@0: heart. What that paradoxical thing means is that the more you love,
rlm@0: the more you yourself need love. That is, the love of a girl like
rlm@0: Sakura is so vast and great, but in turn she also must be loved
rlm@0: greatly. Her heart is big and full of love, but it also needs to be
rlm@0: filled with an equal measure of the precious love of another. I have
rlm@0: sometimes wondered if my brother is capable of such love for his most
rlm@0: gorgeous bride from Japan. Is that a terrible thing for a sister to
rlm@0: say? I am sorry. I am not so subtle as my Mother, a thing she has
rlm@0: reprimanded me forever since I was a very little girl. I tease her
rlm@0: that she never seemed to reprimand me very hard, though, and this is
rlm@0: why I am so outspoken and such an embarrassment to the family. She
rlm@0: says she should have hit me more often, but I know she is kidding.
rlm@0: Anyway, Tomoyo-chan, I think you know what I am talking about here,
rlm@0: because I sense that you, too, have a vast heart that is loving, but
rlm@0: also needs love.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Oh, please do not think that because I am outspoken I cannot keep a
rlm@0: secret within my heart. I must say in honesty that I thought about
rlm@0: telling someone your true feelings. They say that eyes cannot lie, or
rlm@0: even hide the truth. Anyone who has seen your beautiful eyes, which
rlm@0: are like a stormy sea, azure and deep, knows who heaven has favored
rlm@0: with your love and affection. But even though this fortunate one has
rlm@0: somehow not seen herself, I will not tell her, though in some ways my
rlm@0: heart breaks for both of you. It is like some sad story from long
rlm@0: ago. It is like watching a play, where tragedy is happening, but you
rlm@0: are in the audience and can do nothing. Well, please know that I will
rlm@0: not speak of all this with her. But perhaps, you might consider who
rlm@0: should speak to her about your true feelings? Aiyaaa, there I go
rlm@0: again, being outrageously outspoken. If Mother were here, she would
rlm@0: no doubt rap me most smartly on the head with her fan. And I would no
rlm@0: doubt deserve it!
rlm@0: Well, I most certainly enjoyed your visit. It was a delight and a
rlm@0: pleasure and a blessing to be with you as much as I was, though it
rlm@0: was not as much as I would have liked. Please do consider returning
rlm@0: to our home again someday, provided of course you can bear our
rlm@0: shamefully humble hospitality. I would love to take you out to see
rlm@0: more of the city. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Sakura-chan told me you are a most wonderful dancer. I know some
rlm@0: very fun and exciting clubs where one can dance, and forget. Oh, and
rlm@0: perhaps Sakura-chan could come also, yes? Gomenesai, I am very
rlm@0: wicked, for I thought that perhaps she would be too busy to go. But
rlm@0: truly, it would be a joy to see you again, Tomoyo-chan. I pray that
rlm@0: someday I will.
rlm@0: Thank you again for the beautiful pin. It is my treasure.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Your translator friend in Hong Kong,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Li Fanren
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Dear Fanren-san,
rlm@0: 	It was a pleasant surprise to find a letter from you shortly after
rlm@0: Sakura-chan wrote me. And please don’t worry about your Japanese. I
rlm@0: wish I had learned some Chinese when I was younger myself. It sure
rlm@0: would have helped now that Sakura-chan is living in Hong Kong. I was
rlm@0: thoroughly delighted to visit. You have such a wonderful home and I
rlm@0: was very happy to see Sakura-chan once more. You and your sisters are
rlm@0: all extremely beautiful, which you must all get from your mother.
rlm@0: Such a lovely household was very pleasant place to stay during my
rlm@0: visit. I cannot thank you enough for your help, especially during the
rlm@0: banquet. I have gone to several important banquets here in Japan with
rlm@0: my mother, but none as grand as the one at your home. I would have
rlm@0: been completely lost without your help. And not just your help at the
rlm@0: banquet. Talking to you helped me quite a bit as well. Being around
rlm@0: Sakura-chan was a joy, but it toyed with my heart at times. I’ve been
rlm@0: in love with her for so long now. Seeing her like that, married to
rlm@0: your brother, it was very bittersweet. I’m very happy that she
rlm@0: married him. He can keep her safe and love her and give her a child.
rlm@0: But at the same time, I miss her very dearly. My heart will always
rlm@0: belong to her, even if she doesn’t know that. Being near her, loving
rlm@0: her, is the most joyful pain that I know of. I know I can never have
rlm@0: her, that her heart belongs to another, but these days it isn’t as
rlm@0: much comfort as it was when I was a little girl. I think I had
rlm@0: mistaken myself into thinking it would become easier as I grew older. 
rlm@0: 	I agree that Sakura-chan must have been lonely before my visit. I
rlm@0: could tell in her letters that she was getting homesick at times. She
rlm@0: was always very close to her family and friends, so it must have been
rlm@0: very painful for her to move away from all of them. I hope that I
rlm@0: managed to help that with my visit. I really want her to feel better.
rlm@0: She has her new family now and it sounds like she’s already making
rlm@0: new friends. She’s a bright spot that other’s can’t help but gather
rlm@0: around. It was the same when she was back here in Tomoeda. I think
rlm@0: Sakura doesn’t quite understand all of her feelings even now. That’s
rlm@0: part of what made it so difficult to leave. I almost ran back to her
rlm@0: waiting arms instead of boarding my plane. But I knew if I couldn’t
rlm@0: leave then, I could never truly leave her life. And I think in the
rlm@0: end, that is the best for both of us. If I quietly fade from her
rlm@0: life, then I will leave the beautiful memories intact, and her
rlm@0: happiness will be assured. She is married to the man she loves and
rlm@0: has a wonderful life. All I can do is ruin that. If she found out my
rlm@0: feelings, she would undoubtedly try to fix things. Sakura-chan always
rlm@0: wants to make things better, especially for those she cares about.
rlm@0: She could never simply reject me, and that would cause problems with
rlm@0: her husband. There is no solution to this problem. She couldn’t fix
rlm@0: things. So I can’t let her know. I had my chance to tell her years
rlm@0: ago. But I never did. And so I don’t think she ever will know. And
rlm@0: that’s probably for the best. If I stay, I don’t think I could
rlm@0: survive. My heart would shatter in its attempts to be near her,
rlm@0: watching her happy life from inside the play. It’s much safer for me
rlm@0: to be in the audience. It always has been. But I can’t do that
rlm@0: anymore. If I stay, I’ll be too close to things. And my heart can’t
rlm@0: bear that anymore.
rlm@0: 	‘A full heart is an empty heart’. That is a very wise saying. I
rlm@0: have seen it time and time again. I think that is why I can’t stay.
rlm@0: That’s what makes my heart so brittle the longer I stay in Sakura-
rlm@0: chan’s life. The more you love someone, the more you give of your
rlm@0: heart, the more painful it becomes as your love is left unreturned.
rlm@0: But you can’t force someone to love you. Who you love, who takes the
rlm@0: most important spot in your heart, it seems to be Fate who decides
rlm@0: such things. Our hearts reach out to those that we love, giving them
rlm@0: all that we are. Whether Sakura loves me or not was never something
rlm@0: that mattered in my love for her. I simply do. And if she doesn’t see
rlm@0: my love, then that’s just fine. I only want her to be happy. If the
rlm@0: one you love is happy, then shouldn’t that be the best realization of
rlm@0: your love? Isn’t that what you truly want for them above all else?
rlm@0: Sakura-chan has a very warm, loving heart. I hope that in time, Li-
rlm@0: kun can fill her heart to the brim so that hers will never be empty.
rlm@0: It’s an interesting paradox. The more I love Sakura-chan, the more I
rlm@0: need love myself from the saying’s wisdom. But I cannot have her
rlm@0: love. Nor could I ever quit loving her. For a short time, I actually
rlm@0: considered what you said after the banquet. You are a beautiful
rlm@0: woman, Fanren-san, and very kind and loving. Anyone who manages to
rlm@0: capture your heart in coming years will be very lucky indeed. The
rlm@0: thought of having someone as wonderful as yourself  to hold close and
rlm@0: to weather life’s many storms with was incredibly tempting. And
rlm@0: something I had never dealt with before. My own love life has never
rlm@0: been one of my biggest concerns, so I haven’t devoted much thought to
rlm@0: it. Sakura-chan’s love life was always much more important to me.
rlm@0: Thank you very much for your kind words. They lifted my spirits when
rlm@0: I was starting to stumble. I finally decided that it wouldn’t be fair
rlm@0: to you. My heart is bound to Sakura-chan’s with beautiful red ribbons
rlm@0: that I could not hope to unwind. You deserve someone who can love you
rlm@0: with all of their heart. Thank you again. You have helped me so much.
rlm@0: I am very grateful to have had the chance to know you. On my first
rlm@0: visit to Hong Kong, I was still just a child so we didn’t have much
rlm@0: of a chance to speak. I’m very glad we got to this time. So yes, my
rlm@0: heart is empty as its love is all poured forth to Sakura-chan. But it
rlm@0: seems I can’t have it any other way. 
rlm@0: 	Thank you for the kind offer. If you ever find yourself in Tomoeda,
rlm@0: I would be most pleased to take you up on it. I don’t know of as many
rlm@0: clubs around here, but I do know of a wonderful place to dance that
rlm@0: my mother goes to occasionally. Thank you again for everything,
rlm@0: Fanren-san. It’s very nice to have someone to talk to about these
rlm@0: things. And please don’t worry about wanting to tell Sakura-chan how
rlm@0: I feel. I’ve been telling her for years and there have been many
rlm@0: times that I’ve wanted to explain to her what I meant. I hope
rlm@0: everything works out wonderfully for you.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Forever in your debt, 
rlm@0: Daidouji Tomoyo 
rlm@0: 	 
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