rlm@0: Dear Sakura
rlm@0: by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
rlm@0: amazonessduo@hotmail.com
rlm@0: pearsong1954@yahoo.com
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “I’m sorry I kept you up all night dancing, Tomoyo-chan. I hope
rlm@0: you’re not too tired.”  Sakura cast a concerned look as she unlocked
rlm@0: the front door. Tomoyo smiled a cheerful response, 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “Oh, no, Sakura-chan, I feel absolutely wonderful. Thank you for
rlm@0: such a lovely evening, and such a lovely visit.”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: As the door swung open Sakura nodded distractedly and thought,
rlm@0: “That’s right, the visit is almost over now.” She hid her grimace
rlm@0: from Tomoyo and tried to bring her emotions under control. Buffeted
rlm@0: all evening long, swinging between the sheer bliss of being with
rlm@0: Tomoyo and the black despair of knowing she would soon be gone,
rlm@0: Sakura felt sickeningly dizzy. Sakura sensed the turmoil deep within
rlm@0: her stirring again, but sealed it away and ignore it. She didn’t want
rlm@0: to break down again in front of Tomoyo. It wasn’t fair to ruin her
rlm@0: beautiful trip by making her sad. After all, Tomoyo bore the weight
rlm@0: of her secret love without complaint. Rather than trouble the one she
rlm@0: loved, the pale girl chose to silently suffer for the sake of their
rlm@0: happiness. In all their years together, Sakura could never remember a
rlm@0: complaint, an accusation, or an angry question from Tomoyo about the
rlm@0: true love that neglected her so. She carried her pain with an easy
rlm@0: grace, as if it were a burden lighter than a feather. Sakura felt a
rlm@0: flash of anger at whoever it was that ignored her best friend’s love.
rlm@0: How could they be so blind? How could they live in ignorance of that
rlm@0: vibrant, overflowing love? It seemed terribly unfair that someone so
rlm@0: sweet and good should be condemned to a life of loneliness. But never
rlm@0: a word did Tomoyo speak against them, or even about her pain. “Well”,
rlm@0: Sakura resolved, “if she can do it for years, I can do it for a few
rlm@0: hours. Until she leaves.” But that thought brought a new wave of
rlm@0: distress that pushed her to the brink of tears. She glanced at Tomoyo
rlm@0: as they neared the guest room door, then blurted out in a tense voice,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “Tomoyo-chan, I need to go to my room for a minute, but if you need
rlm@0: help packing…”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Tomoyo looked at the woman who stood by her and sensed an inner
rlm@0: torment. She longed to be with her for just a few moments more, but
rlm@0: instead smiled and politely replied,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “I’ll be fine, Sakura-chan. I’m nearly packed as it is. I’ll see you
rlm@0: a little later, then.” Sakura gazed at her with a haunted look,
rlm@0: nodded quickly, and then all but ran down the hall. Tomoyo stood
rlm@0: alone in the dark and trembled. Breathing deeply, she prayed her
rlm@0: heart be still, then opened the door and turned on the light. She
rlm@0: rested her hand on the dark wood of the wall, fingers lightly tracing
rlm@0: the exquisite carvings of birds and flowers. With a little sigh she
rlm@0: pulled her suitcase from the closet and opened it up on the floor.
rlm@0: Raising the lid of the little chest that held her clothing, she
rlm@0: breathed in the sweet scent of cedar. “Cedar is for memory,” she
rlm@0: whispered aloud. Where was that quote from, she wondered? Shaking her
rlm@0: head and smiling, she thought of all the memories she would carry
rlm@0: back to Japan from her wonderful second trip to Hong Kong. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: She packed away the dress she had worn when Sakura greeted her at
rlm@0: the airport, practically bowling her over with enthusiasm. Holding
rlm@0: onto Sakura in that busy throng, she felt as if the rest of the world
rlm@0: had ceased to exist. To see her again after four long months, months
rlm@0: that dragged on like years, had been a dream fulfilled. She carefully
rlm@0: tucked away the gorgeous red cheongsam that Ieran-sama had insisted
rlm@0: she keep. She felt the fine silk and traced the little bumps of
rlm@0: embroidered gold with her fingertip. Tomoyo had earnestly protested
rlm@0: that such a gift was priceless, and she could not possibly accept it.
rlm@0: But Ieran-sama only laughed, and told her that no one could ever look
rlm@0: as good in it as she. On top of the dress in a little plastic bag she
rlm@0: placed a few golden trinkets that had adorned her hair, and
rlm@0: blushingly remembered the look in Fanren’s eyes as she bid her
rlm@0: goodnight after the banquet. Contemplating the gray and black
rlm@0: swimsuit, finally dry on its hanger, Tomoyo giddily recalled swimming
rlm@0: with Sakura. She closed her eyes as her mind echoed with the
rlm@0: sensation of Sakura's firm but gentle arms holding her as they swam
rlm@0: in the warm water. She peeked at her little clock to check the time,
rlm@0: and wondered where her friend was. “Maybe she’s fallen asleep,”
rlm@0: Tomoyo giggled to herself, “I guess even genki Card Mistresses have
rlm@0: to rest sometime.” 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Still, the room felt empty without her, and Tomoyo wished she were
rlm@0: there. Gazing at the clothing in her half-packed suitcase, she
rlm@0: wondered if these memories were truly enough. Can I live with just
rlm@0: memories, but not her? Before this trip she would have replied with a
rlm@0: resounding yes. To have such precious moments to savor would have
rlm@0: seemed a bounty beyond compare. But now, they were pale reminders of
rlm@0: the indescribable joy of simply being with her. She had seen such
rlm@0: wonderful sights on this trip, but none of them compared to sitting
rlm@0: by Sakura and holding her hand. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Out of the fragrant cedar chest came her cyan nightgown. She held it
rlm@0: up and recalled Sakura brushing her hair with long, sensuous strokes,
rlm@0: delicate fingers lightly caressing her shoulder and neck. She
rlm@0: remembered sitting in the garden, gazing at Sakura’s face glowing in
rlm@0: the moonlight, and how her eyes caught that glow and shone with an
rlm@0: emerald fire. She remembered crying in her arms, the pain and longing
rlm@0: finally too much to bear without tears. And with feverish intensity
rlm@0: she remembered their kiss, her very first kiss, and the flood of
rlm@0: tender, passionate love between them. For an electric instant her
rlm@0: soul joined with Sakura’s in that magical garden under the August
rlm@0: moon. Tomoyo felt Sakura’s love there as never before. It surprised
rlm@0: and delighted her then, and confused and delighted her now. And
rlm@0: sitting on the floor in the guest room, holding that soft cyan
rlm@0: nightgown to her breast, a realization struck Tomoyo with forceful
rlm@0: suddenness: Sakura had changed.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: In all their years growing up together, Sakura had been much the
rlm@0: same as the sweet, genki girl she first met in third grade. True, she
rlm@0: had developed into a beautiful woman, and perhaps was a bit less
rlm@0: hyper as she grew older. But all in all, she was still Sakura. Yet
rlm@0: something now was very different, and Tomoyo searched her heart to
rlm@0: understand just what. There had been hints in the letters and the
rlm@0: phone calls. Sometimes she sensed a loss of confidence, a hesitant
rlm@0: uncertainty. But Sakura had seen her way through moments like that
rlm@0: before, always emerging triumphantly with captured Clow Card, or
rlm@0: husband, in hand. Sometimes in her writing Sakura had seemed sad and
rlm@0: lonely, but surely this was natural as she adjusted to a new life in
rlm@0: a strange city, far away from family and friends. No, it was not
rlm@0: until they sat together in the garden that Tomoyo had really noticed.
rlm@0: Sakura had always liked her, and treasured her as a best friend. But
rlm@0: there, in that garden, the pale woman felt Sakura’s love as never
rlm@0: before. It was not a mere kiss, or a touch, or a glance that was
rlm@0: different, for these were but outward signs. What had changed was her
rlm@0: love. What was once a tender affection was now a passionate longing
rlm@0: that seemingly knew no bounds. Tomoyo felt exhilaration and
rlm@0: apprehension as she realized what had once seemed impossible. Closing
rlm@0: her eyes, she shuddered sweetly at the thought: her love is like my
rlm@0: love.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Her heart raced as she carefully folded the nightgown and placed it
rlm@0: in the suitcase. Long ago Eriol had remarked on her perceptive
rlm@0: nature, and she knew he was right. She could read hearts as if they
rlm@0: were open books, with all their fragile secrets hers to see. Her kind
rlm@0: and loving nature blended well with this gift, for she would never
rlm@0: bring harm to another, or use her knowledge to manipulate and
rlm@0: control. Sometimes, though, she would gently nudge, or drop a hint,
rlm@0: or help a heart along the path it yearned for. She had seen Sayoran's
rlm@0: love for Sakura bloom like a trembling flower, and helped nurture it
rlm@0: when she realized Sakura's love for the Chinese Sorcerer. Such a
rlm@0: course carried no small onus of pain, but for Sakura's sake she
rlm@0: persevered, and was rewarded with the Card Mistress' joy on her
rlm@0: wedding day. Not that she had seen all of it, of course. But Sakura
rlm@0: was happy, and what else mattered? But then, if she was now happily
rlm@0: married, how to explain her wonderful, baffling love for Tomoyo? 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Gazing out the window of the garden and listening to birds greeting
rlm@0: the morning sun, Tomoyo frowned thoughtfully. At first, she had
rlm@0: dismissed Sakura's love as simple nostalgia for her life in Japan. It
rlm@0: was hard to grow up, to leave behind the easy joys of childhood. But
rlm@0: Sakura's love went far beyond the bounds of anything that Tomoyo had
rlm@0: sensed before. Either it was something entirely new, or something
rlm@0: long buried that had recently been uncovered. What would cause such a
rlm@0: thing? Sakura seemed happy in her marriage, though Sayoran's absence
rlm@0: during her visit seemed odd. Tomoyo was puzzled by the man’s
rlm@0: behavior. How could anyone be married to such a bright and lovely
rlm@0: spirit and not want to be with her all the time? Even the few times
rlm@0: she had seen him around her, he seemed distant, appearing more out of
rlm@0: obligation than choice. Of course, that was Syaoran. He was reserved
rlm@0: and painfully shy. But surely, underneath it all, he loved her. He
rlm@0: had to. How could anyone not love her? Perhaps he loved her, but not
rlm@0: the same way as Tomoyo. But then, could anyone love Sakura the way
rlm@0: she did? That wasn't fair to Sayoran, to compare his love to hers.
rlm@0: Shaking her head, Tomoyo suddenly felt exhausted. With a smile she
rlm@0: thought, "Around her, I'm never tired. She has enough energy for both
rlm@0: of us."
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Tomoyo returned to packing. With a sigh, she gently placed the dress
rlm@0: from her almost-date into the suitcase. Dancing with Sakura! Did it
rlm@0: really happen, or was it just the sweetest of dreams? Holding her
rlm@0: close, swaying softly to the music, feeling the soft warmth of her
rlm@0: body under the shimmering silk. Tomoyo blushed scarlet and hugged
rlm@0: herself tightly. And then, that kiss. Tomoyo's fingers rested lightly
rlm@0: on her lips as she remembered the eager longing of Sakura's sudden
rlm@0: passion. Even the memory of it left her breathless. If I never see
rlm@0: her again, she thought, I’ll always have that kiss. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: With a little sigh, she snapped shut the suitcase and glanced at the
rlm@0: clock. Done, and it’s almost time to leave. Her heart ached with the
rlm@0: finality of it all. But she had resolved that this must be their
rlm@0: final parting. Being together would only lead to pain for them both.
rlm@0: She wondered if she would see Sakura again before leaving, or if
rlm@0: woman had fallen fast asleep. Her heart soared when she heard a light
rlm@0: tapping at the door, and she rushed to open it. In an elated voice
rlm@0: she cried out, “Sakura-chan!”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: She opened the door, and there stood Ieran-sama and Fanren. Hastily
rlm@0: bowing, she felt somehow flustered as the two women entered the room.
rlm@0: As she began her apology, Ieran-sama gently interrupted,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “I’m certain Sakura-san will be here shortly. Do you need help with
rlm@0: your bags?”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Tomoyo smiled and shook her head, “No, thank you. I’m all finished
rlm@0: packing now. Oh, but I did have something to give you, if I may.”
rlm@0: Tomoyo took seven perfectly wrapped packages from a little table. One
rlm@0: she gave to Ieran-sama, and one to Fanren. She explained that the
rlm@0: others were for the remaining Li sisters, Syaoran, and Sakura. “They
rlm@0: are nothing special, just little thank-yous for having me here, and
rlm@0: for all of your help and kindness. I’ve had such a wonderful time.”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Ieran took her package, studying the beautiful wrapping paper and
rlm@0: the intricate bow Tomoyo had tied. She looked at Tomoyo and smiled
rlm@0: warmly as she thanked the young designer, then slipped the package
rlm@0: into the folds of her silken gown. Fanren, with less patience, had
rlm@0: eagerly torn open the wrapping of her own present and was admiring a
rlm@0: beautiful jade pin in the shape of a dragonfly. With child-like glee
rlm@0: she exclaimed,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “Tomoyo-chan, it’s lovely! Thank you so very much!” With that she
rlm@0: hugged Tomoyo tightly, practically sweeping the slender woman off her
rlm@0: feet. Tomoyo blushed, then smiled and hugged back. Finally, she bowed
rlm@0: and spoke in her musical voice, 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “Thank you again for everything. But perhaps I should finish
rlm@0: dressing before the limousine arrives?”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Ieran smiled and bowed, then gently tugged on Fanren’s sleeve,
rlm@0: bringing the woman out of her Tomoyo-induced fog. Closing the door,
rlm@0: Ieran turned and walked down the dark hallway. Fanren followed, and
rlm@0: in a rueful voice whispered, 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “Mother, I think I’m in love.”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Ieran-sama suppressed a grin at her daughter’s half-kidding
rlm@0: confession. Signaling a servant to go help Tomoyo carry her bags, she
rlm@0: wondered to herself, “Who could possibly know that girl and not fall
rlm@0: in love?”    
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:  Tomoyo, dressed in the long, chiffon, copper-russet dress she had
rlm@0: bought at Matsizakaya, waited by the driveway as the limousine pulled
rlm@0: up. She felt a twinge of disappointment as she scanned the house for
rlm@0: Sakura. Looking at the mansion one last time, she entered the
rlm@0: spacious back seat of the limousine and heard a voice shout out,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “Wait! Tomoyo-chan, don’t go yet!” As a breathless Sakura tumbled
rlm@0: into the car beside her, Tomoyo felt a surge of exhilaration. She
rlm@0: looked at her panting friend and spoke in a merry voice,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “Sakura-chan, I was afraid you might have fallen asleep.” Then,
rlm@0: noticing the numerous band-aids on her hands, Tomoyo gasped out, “Oh,
rlm@0: Sakura-chan, are you all right? Did you hurt yourself?”  Gently took
rlm@0: her friend’s hands in her own and stared at with fearful eyes.
rlm@0: Looking embarrassed, Sakura replied with forced laughter,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “Oh, hah-hah, it’s nothing, really. Just my usual clumsy self. I’m
rlm@0: fine, really I am.” But despite her protestations, she happily left
rlm@0: her hands in Tomoyo’s. Tomoyo calmed down, but still regarded her
rlm@0: friend with a worried look. Sakura smiled and apologized,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “I’m sorry I wasn’t with you. But I had to do something before you
rlm@0: left. Oh, and Ieran-sama wanted me to give you this.” Sakura gave her
rlm@0: a small package, which Tomoyo slipped into her carry-on bag. Sakura
rlm@0: slumped back into the plush seat of the limousine, still holding her
rlm@0: hand. With a gentle squeeze, Tomoyo spoke in a cheery voice,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “It’s all right, Sakura-chan. I’m just happy you’re here now. Thank
rlm@0: you so much for having me. It was the most wonderful vacation I could
rlm@0: ever have had.”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Sakura gazed back, smiling, brushing away her auburn hair with
rlm@0: bandaged fingers. With a happy sigh, she replied,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “This was the most wonderful time I’ve ever had, Tomoyo-chan. But
rlm@0: the best thing about it was just being with you.”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Tomoyo felt a warm glow in her heart as Sakura spoke. Her voice
rlm@0: masked her emotions as she spoke again liltingly, “I’m sure Sakura-
rlm@0: chan will have many more wonderful times in all the magical years to
rlm@0: come.” For several minutes there was only silence as the limousine
rlm@0: snaked it’s way through the heavy traffic. The pale woman felt the
rlm@0: grip on her hand tighten, and sensed her companion’s edginess.
rlm@0: Finally, Sakura spoke up in a quiet voice,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “Tomoyo-chan, I hope you’ll be able to come again sometime. Sometime
rlm@0: soon.”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Tomoyo felt a chill as she thought, no, please Sakura, please don’t.
rlm@0: We can’t. Staring straight ahead, she responded with forced
rlm@0: casualness,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “I hope so, too.”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Silence. Sakura turned and looked out the window at the city
rlm@0: skyline, or the other cars, or perhaps nothing much at all. In a
rlm@0: hesitant, whispery voice she asked,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “When do you think you might be able to come again?”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “Sakura-chan, I’m really not sure. It will be busy before the
rlm@0: Christmas season, and then there are all the projects for the New
rlm@0: Year, and….”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Her voice trailed away as she fought back the tears. It sounded so
rlm@0: awful, as if her work was more important than Sakura. How could she
rlm@0: say such a thing? But she couldn’t do this again, she just couldn’t.
rlm@0: Seeing Sakura was tearing her soul apart, and could ruin Sakura’s
rlm@0: marriage and beautiful new life. For Sakura’s sake, and her own, she
rlm@0: had to say good-bye. She had to. Tomoyo turned to the window and
rlm@0: choked back a sob. Then she felt Sakura squeeze her hand tightly, and
rlm@0: heard a wistful voice,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “It’s all right Tomoyo-chan, I understand. I’m sorry. I know that
rlm@0: we’ll be together again someday.”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: As the limousine pulled up to the airport’s departing area, Tomoyo
rlm@0: felt queasy and weak. She didn’t want to end her trip like this. She
rlm@0: didn’t want this to be the final memory seared into her heart. But
rlm@0: her masks were lost, and the words wouldn’t come. It was all she
rlm@0: could do to keep from crying. Then she heard a voice, genki and
rlm@0: strong, that filled the cold parts of her with summer sunshine,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “We’re here, Tomoyo-chan. Come on, you don’t want to miss your
rlm@0: flight!”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Startled, she turned around and saw Sakura’s bright, beaming smile.
rlm@0: Relieved, she smiled back, and the two rushed hand-in-hand down the
rlm@0: JAL concourse. Arriving at the gate, Sakura bowed and spoke in a
rlm@0: voice that was happy and sad all at once,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “Arigato gozaimasu, Tomoyo-chan. I was so happy to see you again.
rlm@0: Have a wonderful flight back, and give my love to your Mother.”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Tomoyo bowed and resisted the urge to embrace her beautiful friend,
rlm@0: “Arigato gozaimasu, Sakura-chan. Thank you for everything. Sayonara.”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: As she turned reluctantly to go, she heard a whispery voice calling
rlm@0: her back, “Tomoyo-chan. Please.”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: She turned and saw Sakura with her head bowed, offering a hastily
rlm@0: wrapped package tied with lavender ribbons. Her voice brimming with
rlm@0: emotion, Sakura said,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “Tomoyo-chan, I’ve felt so bad for so long that you were never able
rlm@0: to have this from your special someone. I’m sorry it’s not very good.
rlm@0: I’m not very good at sewing, and I was sort of in a rush. I know your
rlm@0: true love, if he knew, would do so much better. But since he can’t, I
rlm@0: wanted to give you this from him.”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Stunned, Tomoyo stood motionless. Finally, she reached out and took
rlm@0: the soft package from Sakura’s trembling hands. Then she took the
rlm@0: woman into her arms, her own tears flowing freely. Holding one
rlm@0: another, the two friends clung together in their own world of grief
rlm@0: and joy. Tomoyo desperately wanted to speak, to tell Sakura just how
rlm@0: much she really loved her. But it would be too cruel, so she wept in
rlm@0: silence. Finally, Sakura whispered raggedly,
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “Tomoyo-chan, you…you don’t want to miss your flight.”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Tomoyo slowly let go, though she yearned to hold her just a little
rlm@0: bit longer. Instead, she spoke in a voice that sounded so very far
rlm@0: away, “Hai. Sayonara, Sakura-chan.” She moved away and turned to go,
rlm@0: forcing every step that took her farther and farther away from her
rlm@0: one, true love. She glanced back and saw Sakura, smiling through a
rlm@0: tear-streaked face, waving goodbye. Tomoyo paused, hesitant, her
rlm@0: heart pounding wildly. She nearly ran back to those gentle arms, but
rlm@0: instead rushed down the boarding ramp, fumbling for her ticket in a
rlm@0: haze of tears. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Sakura watched her go, then walked to a picture window overlooking
rlm@0: the runway. Somehow, she made it until Tomoyo was gone. She stood in
rlm@0: shock as the boarding ramp slowly swung away from Tomoyo’s plane.
rlm@0: Dimly she heard the engines roar to life. Pressing her face against
rlm@0: the glass, she whimpered like a forgotten child, “Please don’t go.
rlm@0: Please, Tomoyo-chan. Please don’t go.” 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: As if in a dream, the enormous jet slowly began to pull away. Sakura
rlm@0: gazed up at the blue sky and whispered, “In a few minutes she’ll be
rlm@0: there, in a beautiful place in the sky.” The odd words echoed in her
rlm@0: head, and suddenly a deluge of memories burst upon her: a little
rlm@0: child sobbing in bed, a frighteningly empty chair at a dinning table,
rlm@0: and a brother, her brother, quietly explaining, 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: “She’s up there now, in a beautiful place in the sky.”
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Slowly shaking her head, Sakura moaned softly and began to cry
rlm@0: again. Her brave front finally collapsed in a torrent of weeping as
rlm@0: she covered her face with bandaged hands. Heads turned to the wailing
rlm@0: young woman who sobbed hysterically and staggered into the Ladies’
rlm@0: Room. Her hapless cries reverberated as Tomoyo’s plane, aloft at
rlm@0: last, gained altitude for the long flight home. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: 
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