rlm@0:                          Kero-chan's Newlywed Game
rlm@0:                      As transcribed by Yukito no Miko
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            ------------------------------------------------------
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Don't look for continuity, plot, or other things of
rlm@0:            that nature. Yes, I know the Newlywed Game is
rlm@0:            supposed to have four couples. I didn't feel like
rlm@0:            adding a fourth.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            All things Sakura belong to CLAMP and Kodansha,
rlm@0:            though eventually they'll belong to the demon Mixx as
rlm@0:            well. Don't expect me to give them any credit.
rlm@0:            Bastards.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            ------------------------------------------------------
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Konyanyachiwa!! This is a very special
rlm@0:            Kero-chan ni omakase no corner!! We're going to play
rlm@0:            Kero-chan's Newlywed Game, a very fun game invented
rlm@0:            by me, Cerberus! Of course, since I invented it, it'd
rlm@0:            have to be fun, right? I'm so cool! Now, let's meet
rlm@0:            our contestants!! Couple number one, come on down!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yukito: Are? I thought the term was "Go down..."
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Touya: *o_o*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Yukito and Touya sit down*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: o_o;; Err. . . thank you, couple number
rlm@0:            one. Couple number two, come join us!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Sakura and Tomoyo come out and sit down, amidst
rlm@0:            cheers from the yuri fangirls and boys and screams of
rlm@0:            horror from the Sakura/Syaoran fans. Tomoyo pulls out
rlm@0:            a video camera and starts recording*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            All: ^_^;;
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Sakura: Tomoyo-chan... this is already being recorded
rlm@0:            by the TV cameras...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Tomoyo: I know, but they might focus on someone other
rlm@0:            than Sakura-chan! ^_^
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Sakura: ^.^;;
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Right! Let's put that aside! Couple number
rlm@0:            three, join us!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: We are not a couple!!!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Eriol: Come on, koibito. ^_^
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: I am not your koibito! Let go of me!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Eriol drags Syaoran to the third set of chairs and
rlm@0:            ties Syaoran to one of them, then cheerfully sits in
rlm@0:            the last chair*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: Rai tei shou rai kyuu kyuu nyo ritsu ryo RAI
rlm@0:            GEKI!! *lightning travels from his sword to the
rlm@0:            chair, frying the ropes. Unfortunately, it also fries
rlm@0:            Syaoran. Eriol takes the opportunity to re-tie him.*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Eriol: If you don't wake up, we can't win the contest
rlm@0:            for the most loving newlyweds! ^_^
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: We're not married!!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Eriol: Of course we are, anata! ^_^
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: We're not, we're not!!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Eriol: Not even for the grand prize? ^_^
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: NO!!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Sakura: Ne, Kero-chan, what is the grand prize?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: An all-expense paid trip to China!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: *freezes* You mean... I could finally find
rlm@0:            the Spring of Drowned Boy and end this terrible
rlm@0:            curse?!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            All: O_o;;;;
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: Never mind... >_> <_<
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Err. . . right! Let's put that aside!
rlm@0:            First question is for the men!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *silence*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: *pause* Hmm. . . I guess that's a bit of a
rlm@0:            problem, isn't it? Okay! People on the left are the
rlm@0:            wives!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Eriol: I guess that's you, itoshii. ^_^
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: We're not married!!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yukito: Does this mean you're going to wear a dress
rlm@0:            for me, To-ya? ^_^
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Touya: . . . . . maybe later. . . . . .
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: . . . Okay! First question! "What is your
rlm@0:            wife's biggest turn-on?" Couple number one, you can
rlm@0:            start us out!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yukito: Oh, that's easy! It's when I wear my bunny
rlm@0:            suit! ^_^
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Wife number one?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Touya holds up sign that says, "When Yuki wears his
rlm@0:            bunny suit."*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Good job! Couple number one has one point!
rlm@0:            Couple number two?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Sakura: Umm... recording us--
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: That's enough of an answer!! Wife number
rlm@0:            two?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Tomoyo holds up a sign that says, "When Sakura-chan
rlm@0:            wears my costumes." Sakura looks crestfallen*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Oh, that's too bad! But we still have lots
rlm@0:            of questions to go, so don't lose hope yet! Couple
rlm@0:            number three, what turns your wife on the most?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Eriol: Feathers. ^_^
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Wife number three?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Syaoran holds up a sign that says, "I'm not his
rlm@0:            wife. (feathers)"*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Good job! Next question! "Which of
rlm@0:            Sakura's battle costumes is cutest?"
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yukito: Her whats?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Touya holds up sign: "Her whats?"*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: I guess that counts. . . Couple number one
rlm@0:            has two points! Couple number two?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Sakura: All of them.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Tomoyo holds up a sign that reads, "All of them are
rlm@0:            cute when Sakura-chan wears them!"*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            All: ^_^;;
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: I guess couple number two has one point!
rlm@0:            But doesn't anyone think my costumes are the cutest?
rlm@0:            Couple number three, what's your answer?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Eriol: If I say your costumes, will we get an extra
rlm@0:            point? ^_^
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Yes.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Sakura: Kero-chan, that's not fair!!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Yeah, well that's why it's my show and not
rlm@0:            yours. Couple number three?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Eriol: Kero-chan's costumes. ^_^
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Syaoran holds up a sign that says, "The rubber kitty
rlm@0:            suit"*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Well, you got it wrong but you get a point
rlm@0:            anyways! Good job!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Eriol: *smirk* ^_^
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Sakura: *scowl*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Going onto question three, couple number
rlm@0:            one has two points, couple number two has one point,
rlm@0:            and couple number three has two points! Question
rlm@0:            three is "I like a girl who has a sense of humor.
rlm@0:            Tell me your favorite joke."
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *silence*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Oops! Wrong questions!! Hahahahaha. . .
rlm@0:            *throws cards backstage* The real question number
rlm@0:            three is around here somewhere. . .
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Spinel hands him a set of cards*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Thanks! Okay, question number three: "I'm
rlm@0:            a fool and I consort with goat--" HEY!! These aren't
rlm@0:            the questions!!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Suppi: *smirk*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Kero-chan digs around backstage and finally comes up
rlm@0:            with some questions, hopefully the right ones*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Okay! I think these are the right ones!
rlm@0:            "If your wife was an alarm clock, how would she wake
rlm@0:            you up?" Couple number one?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yukito: I'm not sure that I want to say it on
rlm@0:            television...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: You have to or you don't get the point.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Yukito walks over to Kero-chan and the panel of
rlm@0:            judges and starts whispering to them. Time passes.
rlm@0:            More time passes. Nakuru, the backstage crew, falls
rlm@0:            asleep*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Okay, that's enough. **O_O** Wife number
rlm@0:            one, what did you put?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Touya hands him a thick stack of paper*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: What the. . . this is the Starr report!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Touya: Stapled underneath is the kama sutra.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: ***O_O***
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Ahem. Judges, will we accept those
rlm@0:            answers?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Terada-sensei: Yeah, I guess so.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: What about the other judges?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *no answer. Sonomi is still taking notes and Fujitaka
rlm@0:            has his hands over his ears*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Fujitaka: You're talking about my SON!!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: *sweatdrop* I guess we'll count it, then.
rlm@0:            . . Couple number two?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Sakura: She'd let me sleep and record it.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: I'm afraid that's not a valid answer.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Tomoyo: But that's what I put. . . *holds up sign
rlm@0:            that says, "Let Sakura-chan rest and record her
rlm@0:            sleeping face"*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            All: ^_^;;
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Judges?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *the judges confer, with Sonomi doing most of the
rlm@0:            talking*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Terada-sensei: She's--
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Sonomi: WE've.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Terada-sensei: We've decided to accept that answer.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Sonomi: Good. Couple number three?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Hey, I'm supposed to say that! Couple
rlm@0:            number three?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Eriol: If he found me sleeping he'd take the
rlm@0:            opportunity to try and kill me. ^_^
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Maybe he's not as dumb as I thought. Well,
rlm@0:            kid? How would you wake him up?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Syaoran holds up a sign that says, "With a mallet"*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: We'll accept that answer because I like
rlm@0:            it. Round two after these commercial messages!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *silence*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Nakuru! Run the commercials!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Nakuru: *wakes up* Hmm?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: The commercials, the commercials!!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Nakuru: Oh, right!! ^_^
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: -_-;;
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *fade to commercial*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            <eyecatch>
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            ********************
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kaho: Hello. Have you been feeling down? Like you
rlm@0:            don't know where your life is going?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yamazaki: *dramatically* How did you know?!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kaho: I know everything. Which is why you should call
rlm@0:            Kaho's Psychic Hotline. We'll tell you your destiny
rlm@0:            in convoluted half-truths that you'll later convince
rlm@0:            yourself were useful predictions and not a waste of
rlm@0:            399 yen a minute.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yue: Kaho told me that my destiny would soon come to
rlm@0:            an impasse. I realize now that she was talking about
rlm@0:            Yukito getting mad when I got with Touya.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Ruby Moon: Kaho told me that the inner battle between
rlm@0:            the ying and yang of masculinity and femininity
rlm@0:            causes an imbalance in the psyche. Boy, was she
rlm@0:            right!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kaho: So call today, and spend hours trying to puzzle
rlm@0:            out your destiny!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            1-800-ASK-KAHO
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yamazaki: *even more dramatically* How DOES she DO
rlm@0:            it?!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            ********************
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *a blond girl in jeans and a t-shirt with "YnM"
rlm@0:            emblazoned across the chest comes out. Needless to
rlm@0:            say, it's YnM in her one and probably only
rlm@0:            self-insertation ever.*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            YnM: Hello, everyone. I just wanted to say support me
rlm@0:            in my hostile takeover of the universe. YnM for
rlm@0:            empress. Yay.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *walks off*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Tamahome: I support her!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Duo: That's because she paid you, dude.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *fade out*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            <eyecatch>
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Konyanyachiwa!! Have you been brushing
rlm@0:            your teeth? Good! If you haven't your parents might
rlm@0:            not let you keep watching the hit new show,
rlm@0:            Kero-chan's Newlywed Game! We're back with out three
rlm@0:            couples! Now it's time for the wives to answer the
rlm@0:            questions. Our first question is, "What is the
rlm@0:            strangest place you have ever--" *turns red* Who
rlm@0:            worded this?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Nakuru waves*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: -_-;; "What is the strangest place you
rlm@0:            have ever *mumbles*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Sakura: I didn't even know that was a term for it...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Tomoyo: I did.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            All: ^_^;;
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: o_o; Husband number one, what do you think
rlm@0:            wife number one put?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Touya: *thinks* In King Penguin?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: >_< Now that that image is in our heads,
rlm@0:            what did wife number one put?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Yukito holds up a sign that says, "In the meat
rlm@0:            freezer at the supermarket." Everyone who had meat in
rlm@0:            the previous month starts gagging*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yukito: I thought we weren't going to tell anyone
rlm@0:            about King Penguin, To-ya...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Touya: We weren't going to tell anyone about the
rlm@0:            freezer thing either.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yukito: Oops... but at least neither of us mentioned
rlm@0:            the--
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:         2  *Touya claps a hand over his mouth. Yukito bites him*  6
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Touya: Ow! Don't do that!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yukito: You started it...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Touya: I want you to touch me gently...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yukito: Later, when we're alone.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *rose petals blow across the stage*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            All: o_O;;
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Moving onto couple number two... as
rlm@0:            quickly as possible...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Tomoyo: Hoeeeee...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: What?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Tomoyo: That's what Sakura-chan put.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Sakura holds up a sign that simply says, "HOEEEEE!"
rlm@0:            and has a drawing of a furiously blushing Sakura*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Judges, will we accept that answer?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Sonomi and Terada-sensei confer. Fujitaka's still
rlm@0:            covering his ears*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Terada-sensei: She says we should.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Next time I want unbiased judges...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Sonomi: I'm not biased.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Err... of course not. Let's put that
rlm@0:            aside. Couple number three, dare I ask?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: *slightly green* We NEVER [censored]!!!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Nakuru: Wow, even I didn't know that was a term for
rlm@0:            it.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Tomoyo: I did.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            All: o_o;
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Eriol holds up his "He'll deny our many nights of
rlm@0:            passion. ^_^" sign*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Sakura: Eriol-kun, you're really good! I bet you make
rlm@0:            your wife very happy!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: I'm not his wife!!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: -_-;; Let's move on to the next question,
rlm@0:            shall we? This one's multiple choice, so we don't
rlm@0:            have to worry about inappropriate answers. "How would
rlm@0:            you describe your honeymoon: Relaxing, Exciting, or
rlm@0:            Boring?"
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Audience: Ooooooooo...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Couple number one, start us off.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Touya: Relaxing.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Yukito's sign: "Relaxing. Very"*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: *breaths a sigh of relief* Thanks for not
rlm@0:            elaborat--
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yukito: After all, we didn't leave bed all week...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Too much information!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Touya: We realized the dangers of the hot tub pretty
rlm@0:            quickly...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: *attempts to cover ears* Ack!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Touya and Yukito shrug*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Next! Next!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Tomoyo: Exciting.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Sakura holds up a sign with "Exciting" written in
rlm@0:            big letters*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Moving on before you try and explain your
rlm@0:            answer...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Sakura: *blushes* It's not like THAT! We traveled
rlm@0:            around and ate lots of oishii cakes and things.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Ack! Too much-- *pause* I guess that's
rlm@0:            okay... *pause again* Without me?! ;_;
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Sakura: We weren't going to tell you about it...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Couple number three! Please end this
rlm@0:            question!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: We had no honeymoon because WE'RE NOT
rlm@0:            MARRIED!!!!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Eriol holds up his sign, which says, "He'll deny the
rlm@0:            very existence of our honeymoon, including the nights
rlm@0:            of endless pleasure we spent, sweaty bodies
rlm@0:            intertwined--" and brakes off where he ran out of
rlm@0:            room to write*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Syaoran turns bright green and rushes for the
rlm@0:            bathroom. After having lost the better part of his
rlm@0:            lunch, he returns and sits back down*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Sakura: Syaoran-kun, why didn't you take that
rlm@0:            opportunity to escape?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: O_O! <--- didn't think of it
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Eriol, by this time, has re-tied him*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: >:/
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Eriol: There, there, muffin. They know you just don't
rlm@0:            want to leave my side.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Sakura: Yeah, that'd be a good reason.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: But... but...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Eriol: Why else would I risk untiing him so he could
rlm@0:            deal with his morning sickness?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: Wha...?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Tomoyo: *claps hands* Syaoran-kun will make a
rlm@0:            wonderful mother!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: I'M NOT PREGNANT!!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Eriol: If it's a boy we'll name him Clow.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! *passes
rlm@0:            out*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Eriol: *pats his hand* There, there, love. *to
rlm@0:            others* His constitution is a bit frail. Please, feel
rlm@0:            free to move onto the next question.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Thanks. Final question: *pause* *shudder*
rlm@0:            "What bedroom fantasy have you acted out that should
rlm@0:            have remained a fantasy?" ...couple number one,
rlm@0:            please answer as briefly and undescriptively as
rlm@0:            possible.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Touya: Well, there was this one time when Yuki wanted
rlm@0:            to try it while skydiving-- wait, I want to change my
rlm@0:            answer. When we tried it underwater. He almost
rlm@0:            drowned and there were all these fish staring at
rlm@0:            us...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: *begins twitching* No more... no more...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yukito: They're your questions. *holds up sign that
rlm@0:            says simply, "Star Wars"*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Touya: That wasn't THAT bad, was it?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yukito: Oh, it was FINE for you. YOU didn't have to
rlm@0:            be Leia.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Touya: Gomen ne, Yuki. I didn't know. *clasps
rlm@0:            Yukito's hand*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yukito: *big dewey eyes* To-ya...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *they start necking*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Audience: Wooooooooooooooooooo!!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Not on the air! Not on the air! This is
rlm@0:            network television!! Couple number two, at least get
rlm@0:            the cameras off them!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Tomoyo: Well, one time we used the Clow Cards to--
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: I think that's enough of an answer.
rlm@0:            Sakura?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Sakura holds up a sign that says "Clow Cards" on it*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Good job, couple number two. That puts you
rlm@0:            up to five points. Couple number one has four points,
rlm@0:            and couple number three has five or six points,
rlm@0:            depending on whether or not they get this one right.
rlm@0:            Couple number three?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: *slowly regaining consciousness* Bedroom
rlm@0:            fantasies my @$$!!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Eriol: Careful, darling. They say babies can hear
rlm@0:            what you say even before they're born. We don't want
rlm@0:            our bundle of joy to grow up with a potty mouth. ^_^
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: WHAT bundle of joy?!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Hey, husband number three! Sign!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Eriol holds up his sign, which quoth, "He'll be too
rlm@0:            embarrassed about how he looked as a meter maid even
rlm@0:            to mention it. ^_^"*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Judges?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Fujitaka: I get to decide since I listened to this
rlm@0:            one!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *the other judges shrug*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Fujitaka: Okay... it counts.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *silence*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Fujitaka: I don't get applause?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            All: -_-;;
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Now, since that's resolved... Going into
rlm@0:            the bonus round, couple three is in the lead,
rlm@0:            followed by couple two and couple one. The bonus
rlm@0:            question is worth five points, so any of our
rlm@0:            contestants could win. The bonus question is: "If
rlm@0:            your husband had to sum up your sex drive in one
rlm@0:            word, it would be [blank]" *pause* Oh, I can't WAIT
rlm@0:            to hear these answers. *wince*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Touya: Slow.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: You expect me to believe that after what
rlm@0:            I've heard today?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Touya: Well, compared to his...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Yukito holds up a sign that says, "Well, it is kind
rlm@0:            of slow...", which isn't really one word. Did
rlm@0:            everyone catch that? Good! The judges didn't, and
rlm@0:            they got a point anyways*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Couple number one is now in the lead with
rlm@0:            9 points, though that's not conclusive in the least,
rlm@0:            since no one else has answered the bonus question.
rlm@0:            Couple number two, your move.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Tomoyo: Creative!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Sakura holds up her sign: "Kinky"*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Judges?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *brief but amusing judge conference, which includes
rlm@0:            Sonomi jumping on the table and demanding justice*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Have you reached a decision?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Terada-sensei: We'll accept it. *cowers under
rlm@0:            Sonomi's glare*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Okay! Couple number two is now in first
rlm@0:            place! Couple number three, final question, final
rlm@0:            answer. How would your husband sum up your sex drive?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: When it comes to him, non-existent.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Eriol holds up his sign: "Since he's embarrassed
rlm@0:            about the fact that he likes to [censored] like
rlm@0:            bunnies...*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Nakuru: Oooh, more new vocabulary! *writes down*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yukito: Is that a personal remark?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *"...he'll pretend that he's as innocent as a
rlm@0:            schoolgirl"*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Everyone looks at Terada-sensei*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Terada-sensei: *o_o* Schoolgirl! Right! Innocent!
rlm@0:            *cough cough* That's what he said, all right! That
rlm@0:            answer counts! Moving on, moving on!!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Then, I guess couple number three wins.
rlm@0:            Congratulations, kid, you're going to a fabulous
rlm@0:            second honeymoon in China!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: But I LIVE in China! How is that a vacation?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Announcer (Yamazaki-kun): You've won an all-expense
rlm@0:            paid trip to the beauuuuuutiful land of China, where
rlm@0:            you'll enjoy--
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: Who says I'll enjoy it?!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yamazaki-kun: The announcement.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: Why should I believe it?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yamazaki-kun: Because it was written by Kaho's
rlm@0:            Psychic Hotline.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: Really?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yamazaki-kun: Of course! Would I lie to you?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: Then. . . I guess. . . I should go? *looks
rlm@0:            disgusted*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yamazaki-kun: Of course! Kaho's Psychic Hotline is
rlm@0:            never wrong! You know, psychic hotlines were first
rlm@0:            invented in ancient Greece, when too many people
rlm@0:            wanted to use the Oracle.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: Really?
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Chiharu-chan: *twitch twitch* Hey. . .
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Yamazaki-kun: Time to go! *runs away, followed
rlm@0:            closely by Chiharu-chan*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Chiharu-chan: Get back here, you!...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: I don't know about this...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Eriol: Come on, dear. The vacation will relive
rlm@0:            stress, and everyone knows future mothers should
rlm@0:            avoid stress.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Syaoran: *grumbles*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Eriol drags him offstage to go catch their plane.
rlm@0:            Touya and Yukito are still sucking face. Nakuru
rlm@0:            throws a blanket over them. Tomoyo is videotaping
rlm@0:            Sakura*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Tomoyo: Your sad face is kawaii too!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Sakura: ^.^;;
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Well, it seems we ended a little earlier
rlm@0:            than expected. But that's okay, because--
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Meiling: I'll be singing for you! Everyone agrees
rlm@0:            that I have the best singing voice!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: That wasn't quite--
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Meiling: *sings* ~David Duchovny, why won't you love
rlm@0:            me~
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: Just roll next week's previews.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            ~~Next time on Kero-chan's Newlywed Game~~
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: "If you didn't exist and your wife had to
rlm@0:            choose one of these people to marry, who would they
rlm@0:            choose?"
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *Dr. J and Relena walk out*
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Duo: *looks nauseated* I think he'd choose Relena...
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Heero: That's the purpose of the self-destruct
rlm@0:            system.
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            ~~end clip~~
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Meiling: ~I hold it in as best I can / I know I'm
rlm@0:            just another fan~
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Kero-chan: See you next week, everyone! Honana!
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            Meiling: ~And I can't wait anymore for him to
rlm@0:            discover me / I've got it bad for David Duchovny!...~
rlm@0: 
rlm@0:            *fade out*