rlm@0: Tearful Nights
rlm@0: by rphjas
rlm@0: rphjas@yahoo.com
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: --------------
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: With wet lavender eyes, I look upon sparkling stars. Do I pray to a
rlm@0: higher power? Do I whisper my fears and dilemmas to the night? I love
rlm@0: her, and she loves me. But, my love is more mature than I am and also
rlm@0: much more than hers. If I had the courage, I would one day tell
rlm@0: her..in Penguin Park. I would whisper the three simple words. But,
rlm@0: would she understand? Would she see through all of my masks and
rlm@0: disguises? 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: I sew every costume with stitches of pure love. I sing my songs to
rlm@0: her with all of my heart. Does she feel the fabrics I weave..clinging
rlm@0: to her slender form? Do her ears hear my songs of longing? I am
rlm@0: afraid...afraid of rejection. Is it not better to be a friend than a
rlm@0: stranger? Is it better to be in her world even a little than all
rlm@0: alone? If I knew the future, I would know what to do. I would know
rlm@0: the risk is worthwhile. But, I am still unsure. I have no confidence. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Would she think me perverted..loving her like I do? Would she run
rlm@0: away in revulsion? Would she? Why is my heart so torn? I see her each
rlm@0: day in school. She lets me film her every day. I spend all my free
rlm@0: time with her or doing things for her. I watch her videos again and
rlm@0: again until I memorize each phrase and line of her figure. Her face
rlm@0: leads me into the sleepiness of dreams. I hug my pillows..as if they
rlm@0: were her. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: This starry night .. I wonder .. is she thinking about me? Is she
rlm@0: dreaming of me? Do her cards quietly reveal my intentions..my
rlm@0: feelings? I wonder if she will ever be..ever be able to love me. I
rlm@0: would..I would give her my life..to save her own. But, how many times
rlm@0: has she risked her own for my sake? The number is too high. Would it
rlm@0: be better if I vanished..faded from her world? Each night, I am torn
rlm@0: and wake up weary wrestling these questions. The uncertainty of the
rlm@0: future is weighing me down. But, I manage to put on my cheerful mask
rlm@0: each morning before I see her. She does not know. She can never know
rlm@0: my nightly bouts.. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: One sleepover, she let me brush her hair..even hug her long and
rlm@0: close. Surprisingly, she let me kiss her because she wondered why it
rlm@0: was such a big fuss with the older students. Her energy pulsed
rlm@0: through to my core. Her sweet taste lingered on my lips the entire
rlm@0: night! Oh, I was so very happy. Even now, I can remember her soft
rlm@0: full lips..the silk of her hair..the firm athletic body. Like some
rlm@0: drug, I crave more. But so far, only that one night was so very
rlm@0: special. I could not tape it. But, the memories are burned into me
rlm@0: forever. 
rlm@0: 
rlm@0: Will hope be my lifeline..in the stormy seas of life? Will it help
rlm@0: me persevere until she someday loves me..?