Mercurial > moonlitnights
view old/stories/farewellfin.txt @ 4:69f0191c9016 moonlitnights tip
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author | Robert McIntyre <rlm@mit.edu> |
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date | Tue, 22 Jun 2010 13:42:35 -0400 |
parents | fc00894c1d4a |
children |
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1 We’d like to thank Boco the Chokobo, because without his help, this story2 would never have been finished, especially not in time for ChibiUsa’s3 birthday. ^-^5 Farewell6 By the Amazoness Quartet9 ChibiUsa sighed anxiously. It was a beautiful day outside, but that10 was far from her mind. A certain dark haired girl was the focus of it, but11 that wasn't anything new. She was waiting for Hotaru to finish getting12 dressed so they could leave for Hotaru's father's beach house where they'd13 spend the next few days together. Alone this time. ChibiUsa couldn't help14 but smile at the idea of being alone with Hotaru. She'd already had a15 birthday party earlier today with the others and now she'd be able to enjoy16 the rest of it with the one person she wished to share everything with.18 A wailing noise snapped her out of her thoughts. It took her a19 moment to realize it was the sound of a child crying. Knowing that both of20 their twin daughters that had come back from the future were somewhere21 in the house, it had to be something wrong for one of them. Heading down22 the stairs quickly, she tried to pinpoint where the sobbing was coming from.23 Selene looked up teary eyed at ChibiUsa. The future princess kneeled down24 worriedly next to the younger girl. “Selene, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”25 Selene just wiped at her eyes tearfully, taking a shuddering breath before26 looking up at her the woman that would one day be her mother.27 “ChibiUsa-mama, do you28 really love Hotaru-mama?” she asked in almost a hushed whisper.29 ChibiUsa was taken aback. Why did the little girl ask that? Was there any30 question? Brushing a hand through her pink hair, she just blinked a few31 times. “Of course32 I do. She’s everything to me.”33 Selene sniffled, wiping her eyes shakily with the back of her hand.34 “Re…Really?”35 The pink haired girl nodded quickly to dispel the younger girl’s fears,36 wiping a37 tear from her cheek. She smiled gently at Selene. “Really. She’s everything38 to me. I love39 your Hotaru-mama with all my heart.” This seemed to appease the younger40 girl, drawing41 forth a small smile from her. ChibiUsa smiled softly, but something still42 concerned her.43 Something felt wrong… “Why did you ask?”44 The dark haired odangoed girl rubbed at her eyes with small fists before45 looking46 up at ChibiUsa again. “An angel told me. She was really pretty, with pink47 hair kinda like48 yours, but it was past her shoulders. She was all shimmery and had a white49 dress on that50 was really long and pretty, too. She said that it wasn’t enough.”51 “That what wasn’t enough?” ChibiUsa asked encouragingly, wanting to know52 what had gotten the younger girl so upset.53 “That you didn’t love her enough…” Selene said quietly, looking down.54 ChibiUsa shook her head emphatically. “No, that’s absurd. I love Hotaru55 more56 than anything. How could I not love her enough?” she demanded, her heart57 starting to58 ache from the very idea.59 “I.. I don’t know…” Selene barely got out, on the verge of tears.60 ChibiUsa closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. It was nothing, just a61 figment of62 Selene’s imagination. Sure it was kind of odd, but that was just not even63 worth worrying64 about. Of course she loved Hotaru enough. She slowly smiled again, hugging65 the smaller66 girl. “It’s going to be alright, Selene. Whatever it was, it was wrong. I67 love Hotaru with68 all my heart.” ChibiUsa’s words reassured both herself and Selene. Smiling a69 little70 brighter, ChibiUsa tilted her head to the side. “Want to get some ice cream?71 We can72 forget all about this.”73 Selene jumped up and down excitedly. “Hai!! Thanks, ChibiUsa-mama! You’re74 the best!” She hugged ChibiUsa tightly, already starting to forget her odd75 vision.77 They were finally alone. That was the first thought that ran through78 ChibiUsa’s79 head as she walked hand in hand with Hotaru to the beach house. In the80 distance, the two81 could hear Haruka’s car driving off. She’d be there to pick them up in a few82 days. In the83 meantime, that left the lovers alone with each other at the beach house. No84 children, no85 schoolwork, no responsibility. Juts the wonderful feeling of being together.86 They had87 come out here to be alone, a birthday present Hotaru had given her so they88 could spend89 the next few days together without a care in the world. ChibiUsa smiled90 brightly at the91 dark haired girl, squeezing her hand slightly. The pale girl’s hand92 squeezed back as93 Hotaru turned to her with a smile.94 As they stood in front of the doors, ChibiUsa felt an almost overwhelming95 sense96 of fear and regret overtake her. As if her whole life would change by97 walking through98 those doors. She leaned against Hotaru, holding her arm tightly.99 “ChibiUsa-chan?” Hotaru looked at her worriedly. Her usually cheerful100 complexion was now deathly pale. Hotaru’s arm started to ache from the death101 grip102 ChibiUsa had on it. The raven haired girl started to panic, barely holding103 herself in check104 for ChibiUsa’s sake. This was so unlike the vibrant future princess. What105 could be so106 horribly wrong?107 Taking a deep, soothing breath, ChibiUsa smiled calmly at Hotaru,108 suppressing109 the wave of emotions that had passed over her. “Its nothing. I just haven’t110 been getting111 much sleep lately because of the twins. And Kousagi’s been keeping me up112 whenever113 I’m at my house, so that’s it.” She giggled at the skeptical look Hotaru114 threw her.115 “Really, its nothing. You worry too much, Hota-chan. Let’s just enjoy116 ourselves. You and117 me.”118 Beautiful crimson eyes gazed brightly at her as the future princess’s arm119 went120 around Hotaru’s waist. Hotaru felt herself relaxing in ChibiUsa’s grasp. If121 ChibiUsa was122 okay, then there really wasn’t anything for her to be worrying about. The123 nervousness124 slowly started to ebb away, replaced by a warm feeling her heart as her125 violet eyes befell126 the pink haired goddess before her. Hotaru smiled softly. “Hai, its your127 birthday, so if128 that’s what you want to do, I’m all for it.” Leaning forward, her lips129 lightly brushed130 ChibiUsa’s. “Happy birthday, Odango-chan.”131 “I can’t think of a better way to spend my birthday,” ChibiUsa said,132 grinning.134 ChibiUsa rolled over for what had to be the eighth time that night.135 No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get to sleep. And that usually136 wasn't a problem for her whenever she had Hotaru right beside her. Their137 clothes lay scattered on the floor, their bodies entangled under the sheets.138 ChibiUsa held the frail girl close, the feel of her bare skin reminding her139 of the passionate moment they'd shared not long ago. The raven haired girl,140 who had enough trouble sleeping normally, was fast asleep next to her. She141 was tired after what they'd done, but she couldn't get to sleep. Closing her142 eyes just made matters worse. She sighed, her hands covering her face in143 frustration. Why was it bothering her? She knew she loved Hotaru, that's144 all that mattered. So why couldn't she get to sleep? All day, Hotaru had145 been146 pretending nothing was wrong, trying to hide her worry while ChibiUsa had147 been dancing around the subject and trying to reassure Hotaru that148 everything was alright. Neither had been able to enjoy themselves because149 of how she was acting. Sitting up in bed, the pink haired girl slowly150 disentangled herself from her sleeping lover. She knew she wouldn’t be151 getting any sleep tonight.152 Her thoughts in a jumble, ChibiUsa slipped off the bed, her toes153 moving against the soft feel of the carpet. Tilting her head to the side,154 ChibiUsa gazed at the raven haired girl alone in the bed for a what felt155 like156 an eternity. Her fingers gingerly followed the contours of Hotaru’s157 beautiful158 face, brushing past her soft lips, warm cheeks, and finally through159 midnight black hair. She leaned down, brushing some of Hotaru’s dark hair160 back. Her lips gently pressed against Hotaru’s as her fingers stroked down161 to the pale girl’s neck. Something wet rolled down ChibiUsa’s cheek down162 to Hotaru’s, startling the pink haired girl. Slowly pulling away, a hand163 went164 to her face. Another tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m crying? Why am I165 crying?” she asked herself in a daze. The pink haired girl balled up her166 fists167 in frustration, shutting her eyes tightly as a wave of sadness swept through168 her body. An icy pit formed in her stomach as more tears started falling.169 ‘I’m supposed to be happy. I’ve got everything I could ever want. I have170 you, Hota-chan. I love you.” A sob punctuated her declaration of love, her171 hand wiping at the still forming tears in her crimson eyes.172 Looking down at Hotaru, ChibiUsa’s fingers lightly brushed her173 cheek again. Part of her wanted to wake the sleeping angel, to try to tell174 her175 the jumble of emotions going through her. But she couldn’t bring herself to176 wake the raven haired girl up. Each time she’d try, she stopped herself just177 before she could. What would Hotaru think? She wouldn’t think… ChibiUsa178 pulled her hand away from Hotaru’s pale skin as if burned. Selene’s words179 burst into her mind. ‘That you didn’t love her enough…’ She shook her head180 violently, her hands going through her pink hair as a lonely wail escaped181 her lips. “That182 can’t be it. It can’t be….” She desperately wanted to shake Hotaru awake, to183 tell her just184 how much she loved her, to here Hotaru tell her she knows, that she’s always185 known. But186 ChibiUsa still couldn’t bring herself to disturb the raven haired girl’s187 peaceful slumber.188 So often, Hotaru would look tormented in her sleep. This would just ruin one189 of the few190 restful slumbers that Hotaru’s had. “I’m being selfish, Hota-chan. I’ll be191 okay. I can192 handle this.”193 With that, the future princess headed out the door of their bedroom,194 padding195 across the plush carpet. At first she didn’t know where she was going, but196 she quickly197 realized the path she was taking. The Mirror. Of course! How could she have198 been so199 blind? Michiru had lent ChibiUsa her hand mirror for their trip to the beach200 house, telling201 her the talisman would keep them safe. The mirror could show the truth, no202 matter how203 hidden it may be. She could easily look into that to see how deep her204 feelings for Hotaru205 ran. After proving them to her satisfaction, she could be off to bed and206 cuddling with her207 firefly. She grinned happily as she made her way to the mirror, lying unused208 on a table in209 the living room. ChibiUsa felt almost dizzy as she picked up the mirror. It210 was cold to the211 touch. Something in the back of her mind told her to put it down, that how212 dare she213 question their love. Afterall, it didn’t matter that Hotaru’s hair wasn’t214 pink. She wet her215 parched lips nervously, the icy pit in her stomach returning a hundred fold.216 Holding the217 mirror up, she gazed into it. Rather than a direct reflection, the image in218 the mirror was of219 her as a princess. The truth. Taking a deep breath, ignoring the warnings in220 the back of221 her head, ChibiUsa concentrated on the mirror. “Show me the depths of my222 love.”224 She ran, ignoring the sharp pain of rocks scraping against the skin of her225 bare226 feet, ignoring everything as she tried to get further and further away. Her227 hair, let down228 from its normal odango style for the night, trailed behind her past her229 shoulders. Tears230 blinded her, blurring her vision, but she didn’t care. Nothing mattered231 anymore. Nothing.232 Her frantic thoughts swirled about in her mind like a whirlwind, jumbled233 beyond234 coherency other than the deep pain she felt in her heart.235 As she ran along the rocky cliff face, barely even realizing where she was.236 She237 wiped at her eyes desperately, stinging tears dripping wetly down her238 cheeks. ‘Why?!239 Why?’ she thought, over and over again, begging for an answer, any answer to240 the pain241 she felt. Her heart ached deeply, as if she’d been cut open by The Senshi of242 Death and243 Rebirth herself. Was that how she truly felt? Was that what was to happen?244 She didn’t245 return Hotaru’s feelings with half the blaze, half the sheer strength that246 Hotaru had in her247 love for her. ChibiUsa shuddered, feeling cold inside. As if she’d been248 drowning in a249 freezing river for so long and had only now opened her eyes. What could she250 say to251 Hotaru? Anything she could say would only hurt her, ChibiUsa was sure. She252 hugged253 herself tightly, her small body wracked by sobs as she continued her aimless254 running, her255 only thoughts to escape the horror of her thoughts.256 So intent was she upon her fleeing that she never noticed where she was257 running. The rocky ledge started to give way beneath her bare feet, a258 breathless scream259 trapped forever in her lips as she fell. The princess barely felt the260 impact, everything261 starting to fade out as she hit the shore below. She lay there, tears still262 running down her263 cheeks, not even realizing she was taking her dying breath. “Taru…”265 “ChibiUsa-chan!! ChibiUsa-chan, where are you?! Please, please come back to266 me, ChibiUsa-chan….” Hotaru slumped to her knees in defeat, her dark skirt267 getting268 sullied by the wet sand on the beach. Last night, ChibiUsa had seemed so269 upset about270 something. She’d gone out to look for the pink haired future princess in the271 dark, but she272 was nowhere to be found. Hotaru had hoped that she’d gone back to the beach273 house, but274 no such luck. She had finally cried herself to sleep when she had gotten275 back to their276 empty bed. Waking up, she had the false hope that she’d be in ChibiUsa’s277 arms and that278 everything would be alright again. Now she had to wonder if things would279 ever be alright280 from then on.281 Her black tights and dark clothes barely kept back the biting cold wind282 that blew283 past her. Icy knives raked her face as she stumbled forward, wiping at her284 eyes with her285 long sleeve. “ChibiUsa-chan…” She wanted to give up, to go back inside the286 warm house287 and cry herself back to sleep. She hadn’t slept much the night before, so288 why not? What289 could she hope to find out here? Something inside her pushed her on,290 spurring her291 forward. Standing up again, the raven haired girl weakly made her way along292 the beach.293 She nearly lost her footing in the wet sand, but kept going after steadying294 herself. She295 trudged on and on, the lapping of the waves and the whistling of the wind296 the only sounds297 around her.298 About to collapse from exhaustion, the raven haired girl’s attention was299 caught300 by something up ahead. Something pink. She squinted, trying to make out what301 it could302 be, praying that it was the girl she sought. She’d soon come to regret that303 as her prayers304 were answered. As she ran to the other girl, she quickly noticed that305 ChibiUsa wasn’t306 moving. Her pink hair was moving back and forth as the wind played with it.307 Her308 normally immaculate white nightgown was stained with the brown of the wet309 sand and310 streaks of crimson. Her body was lying in a heap, looking like a rag doll311 that had been312 thrown aside.313 Hotaru ran as fast as she could, her heart catching in her chest. In her314 haste, her315 foot caught on a rock, forcing her to tumble to the ground. She got up and316 pushed on,317 despite the intense pain in her twisted ankle. It couldn’t rival the pain in318 her heart.319 “ChibiUsa-chan!!!” she cried out, almost expecting the pink haired girl to320 sit up. Hot321 tears poured down her cheeks as she fell to her knees besides the prone322 future princess.323 “ChibiUsa-chan, get up. Please, get up,” the dark haired girl sobbed as her324 arms went325 around the cold body of her one true love. She held ChibiUsa close, a tear326 falling onto327 ChibiUsa’s cheek. The pink haired girl’s face looked almost the same as it328 had the night329 before. Her large crimson eyes were glassy and looking up at Hotaru, her330 normally331 vibrant cheeks now pale. Hotaru clutched onto ChibiUsa in her grief. She332 felt as if her333 heart had been torn from her chest. As if a piece of her, the most important334 piece, had335 been taken from her. “ChibiUsa-chan… Don’t leave me alone… I’m scared to be336 alone..337 I need you with me, ChibiUsa-chan… I need you…” she barely managed to get338 out339 through heart wrenching sobs. The painful realization that her lover was now340 dead kept341 trying to impose itself on her mind, but she clung to the hope that she’d be342 okay, that she343 would get up in her arms, returning the embrace.344 Hotaru stayed that way for a long time, ignoring everything around her as345 she346 held the dead princess tightly against her. “Its like she’s asleep… She’s so347 pretty when348 she’s asleep… Its like you’re taking a nap, ChibiUsa-chan. You sleep well,349 and I’ll be350 here when you wake up… I’ll always be here when you awake. Because…” The351 dark352 haired girl looked intently at the lost love in her arms, tears still353 streaming down her354 cheeks. “I love you.”356 A few hours later, a blue sports car stopped in front of the beach house.357 A woman with sandy blonde hair stepped out of the car, holding her jacket358 tightly359 around her as the sea breeze came in. Smiling to herself, she reached back360 in361 the car and pulled out the last of ChibiUsa’s birthday presents, lovingly362 wrapped363 in a deep violet wrapping paper with black lace ribbons. Hotaru had364 forgotten the365 present she had been going to give ChibiUsa in her haste and Haruka hadn't366 found it in the back of her car until she was well back to the city. She'd367 decided to368 stop by the next day and return it to her daughter to give to the ChibiUsa.369 Cinching her jacket around her, the tall woman made her way to the door of370 the371 beach house and knocked on the door. “Hime-chan! Its me, Haruka-papa,” she372 said after a few moments. There was no answer. Haruka frowned and tried the373 door. She began to worry as the unlocked door opened. What could have374 happened to the two girls? She commanded herself to stop worrying. They were375 probably at the beach and left the door open for when they’d come back in.376 Something out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. She377 instantly recognized it as Michiru’s mirror. It was lying on the floor near378 one of the379 tables in the living room as if someone had thrown in aside in a hurry.380 Haruka’s381 heart started beating faster as she quickly searched the beach house. Her382 surrogate daughter and the future princess were nowhere to be found. Rather383 than waste time panicking, the blonde woman rushed out of the house, intent384 on385 finding the two girls. Trudging out towards the beach, she couldn’t help but386 shiver387 as the biting wind increased. It was too cold to be swimming. They couldn’t388 be389 out here for that. Then why… Haruka shook her head. She wouldn’t allow390 herself391 to assume the worst yet. First things first. She had to find them.392 After what felt like hours of walking, but must have been considerably393 less, Haruka thought she heard a faint voice being carried by the wind. A394 voice395 filled with utter despair and hopelessness. A voice that had lost any of the396 joy397 and wonder life had to offer. At first, she thought it was only the wind,398 but the soft399 voice continued. Haruka finally caught sight of a girl dressed entirely in400 black, her401 rave hair being whipped around by the wind as she clutched onto something402 protectively. The blonde woman ran to her surrogate daughter, determined to403 make sure everything was okay. He stopped dead in her tracks when she saw404 the lifeless form of a once happy pink haired girl in Hotaru’s arms. “My405 God….”406 She gasped.407 Hotaru didn’t even look up, not noticing her Haruka-papa’s arrival. “So408 pretty when you sleep like this. And I’ll watch over you forever, my409 sleeping410 beauty….” Hotaru’s fingers gently brushed over ChibiUsa’s cold lips as she411 continued rambling semi-coherently. “Forever.”414 "It's so cold..." .415 Ever since what had happened, Hotaru kept a nearly steady monologue.416 The silence meant she was alone again.. always alone.. forever.. And she417 didn't418 want to be left alone. Not now, not ever. Everything that had happened..419 it420 was like a whole new person. "It's not me. Silly. I'm watching myself..421 like422 on a screen..."423 All around her, the room seemed bare, stripped of everything. Her424 normally dark room was even darker without the beautiful shining lamps to425 soften426 it. "But the lamps were too dangerous, ne, Michiru-mama? You wouldn't want427 me428 to break one and use the glass to slit my wrists. You want me to suffer.."429 The dark-haired girl, long out of tears, looked over everything she had430 left. The bed was bare, so she couldn't strangle herself with the sheets.431 Her432 beautiful lamps had been replaced by three solemn candles. She only had her433 books.. her only escape for so many years before was her only option now.434 Or..435 That seemed a lifetime ago to the grief-stricken girl. "Oh, back then,436 no-one cared if I lived or I died.. Kaori-baka would've been GLAD to see me437 go.438 And.. if I'd died then... she wouldn't..." Closing her eyes tight and439 trying440 to remove the image from her mind, she thought over her options. Ever since441 her parents set up this suicide watch, after that first night alone, she'd442 had443 no privacy, not even a chance to mourn in peace. She'd just been almost444 locked445 in her room, from how they treated her outside it, and even then one of them446 would check on her every few minutes, even if she was asleep.447 All she had left were her books..448 "They say history repeats.. I know.. I watched it.. over and over.. An449 endless loop. I was alone then.. I'm alone now.. oh, ChibiUsa-chan.. why450 couldn't I have died instead?"451 The desk was gone. The shelves, the table, the chairs - all taken out.452 All that was left were her books and her bed.. and the candles. Near a453 corner,454 the remains of her diary sat. She'd tried to communicate that way, writing455 everything using the stub of a pencil Setsuna-mama had finally agreed to456 give457 her. After the first hundred pages or so, she'd realized she wasn't making458 any459 sense at all, and questioned the point of it. But, then again, what were460 all461 of her diaries for? All the secrets, every little thing, kept in meticulous462 detail... "No-one could understand. I couldn't let them understnd. They'd463 see464 and they wouldn't understand.. the only person who could ever understand is465 dead. Saturn! Where are you now? If you're truly the Messiah, reigning466 over467 Death and Rebirth, then tell me why!"468 But, then, an idea came.. and in her broken mind, with its broken soul,469 living a lifeless shell in a grey world without even the comfort of trust,470 it471 made perfect sense.472 No-one would understand. So why let them try?473 She stood, shakily, blinking and wiping her bloodshot eyes. It would474 still be a few minutes at least, until someone checked on her. Praying it475 would be long enough, she set to work, seperating her books from her diaries476 and journals, her secrets.. Making a pile, she begin to organize it all,477 bit478 by bit, working slowly and carefully. It was almost time.479 Her work was interrupted by a knock at her door. "Hime-chan? Is480 everything okay?" It was Haruka-papa, come to make sure she hadn't died.481 Not responding, she waited for the blonde woman to open the door and482 check. "Hime-chan?" The door slowly creaked open, and Haruka stuck her483 head484 inside. "I know it's hard for you, Hime-chan. But we have to be sure."485 When486 Hotaru didn't even bother to look up, Haruka just sighed and shut the door487 again.488 Alone once more, the girl set her plan into motion. Tearing pages out,489 shredding some, pulling some into strips, leaving some notebooks whole, she490 prepared. All of her work, everything she had left, everything she was.. it491 was all here. And with a touch of the candle..492 It took a minute or so to catch. Hotaru blew on the small fire,493 letting it grow at its own pace. She knew that the smoke alarm's batteries494 had495 been dead for weeks, and since everyone was asleep or downstairs, there'd be496 no-one to stop her. Page by page, she fed the fire.. whole years of her497 life,498 burning away. "It's warm, ChibiUsa-chan.. can you feel it? It's not like499 everything else.. This is how it has to be, now. If I can't die.. I'll500 make501 it so I was never around in the first place. Without these for people to502 remember me by, I'll just fade away. No-one cares but you, ChibiUsa-chan..503 no-one.... They want me to live on, forget the past. Find someone to504 console505 me and love me. Be happy. I've never been happy, ChibiUsa-chan. I can't506 ever507 remember being happy. Not without you..."508 The flickering flames glittered, reflected in her sad, tired eyes.. so509 tired, so old.. dead.510 The fire spread to the floor, spread through the room. By now, it was511 quite obvious that the room was ablaze, if not the whole house. And Haruka,512 just now noticing the smell, was quick to run up and check on her513 dark-haired514 princess. Sirens could be heard, off in the distance.. a neighbor saw the515 flame, the firefighters would arrive soon.516 Haruka arrived just in time to pull the firefly from the heart of the517 fire before anything more than her hair and clothes were singed. The girl518 was519 unconscious, passed out from the lack of sleep and the fumes of the books'520 bindings as they caught.522 Two figures watched from the shadows.523 Children.524 It almost seemed they were part of the background.. a piece that525 doesn't quite fit, that everyone overlooks..526 One spoke. Her voice quiet, almost detached.527 "Shisa?"528 "Yes, Selene?"529 "Do you think we went too far? I mean.."530 They watched, as their mother was revived by her Haruka-papa. As she531 was doomed to ever live, lifeless.532 "Yes, Selene."533 "Oh.. look, Shisa! I can see through us. We're fading.... Shisa?"534 "Yes, Selene?"535 "I am the wind.. look! Whoosh!"536 A gust of wind came, as the window was broken in by a firefighter.537 The two figures seemed to dissipate, with the smoke..