Dear Sakura

 by Amazoness Duo and G.P.

 amazonessduo@hotmail.com

 pearsong1954@yahoo.com

 

 

 Dear Tomoyo-chan,

 

 At our house there is a vine in the garden. It has been there for

 many years, since I was a child. Most people do not pay attention to

 it, for it looks like a dead bush, and is overshadowed by the many

 gaudy flowers around. it. It is called a "peniocereus gregii", or

 Night-Blooming Cereus. When I was six, my Mother told me about this

 flower. She told me because I was not happy so much about my

 appearance. I did not feel as pretty as my sisters at the time, and

 was sad. So, Mother took me into the garden and showed me this most

 pathetic looking little plant. I remember this surprisingly well. She

 asked me, "Fanren, what do you see here?" I told her I saw a plain

 looking plant. She answered, "You see with the eyes of a fool, who

 looks once and knows nothing. Watch this plant at night". In our

 family, when Mother speaks it is wise to listen. This is true in many

 Chinese households, you know, but is especially true in ours. I could

 tell you many amusing stories about this. 

 

 So, in the middle of summer, with no school to worry about, I went

 into the garden each night to watch the plant. There was nothing much

 to see, but I was not only obedient, but also very curious. Then one

 night, a thing most amazing happened. I had nearly fallen asleep when

 I noticed the little buds on the twiggy stems seemed to have moved.

 To my wonder and astonishment, they blossomed that night into the

 most beauteous flowers I have ever seen. They were like pale stars

 with a golden center, delicate and intricate with a fragrant scent

 that wafted over the entire garden. I stared at them all night, at

 that beauty which had been hidden during the day. How easy it would

 have been to miss them entirely. It was magical to share that warm

 summer night with the beautiful flowers, but with the first ray of

 light at dawn the petals withered and the blossoms dropped to the

 ground. That morning I talked to Mother, and told her of the wonder I

 had seen. I asked her if it would bloom again that night, for I very

 much wanted to see it once more. She shook her head, and said the

 plant only bloomed one night every year. She said that sometimes the

 most radient beauty is hidden away, and can only be seen by those

 with patient hearts.

 

 This was a good lesson for me, as I was not a patient girl. I am

 still not the most patient of women, as my family would no doubt tell

 you. So perhaps this lesson did not work as well as Mother may have

 intended. But what I have always remembered is the surprise of seeing

 such beauty so unexpectedly. I felt that delightful surprise when I

 first saw you and Sakura-chan at our house those many years ago.

 Aiyaaa, I do not think I have ever seen such adorable girls in all of

 my life. And then, to my astonishment, there was Sakura's brother and

 his most attractive companion. Such splendor was enough to break

 one's heart. I felt like this again during your most recent visit. I

 knew from the picture that Sakura-chan showed me that you were very

 beautiful. I thought surely you were a model, or perhaps an actress.

 But I was not quite prepared for you in person. Tomoyo-chan, I was

 enchanted. 

 

 Mother can be very cruel, for when I told her this she said I am

 always being enchanted. She is maybe perhaps right, I suppose. Mother

 says I am too fickle, and like a bee dance about from flower to

 flower, never working hard enough to gather any pollen. Or perhaps

 she is frustrated that I have never married. But you are a flower

 this little bee has been unable to forget. You are of course a most

 beautiful woman. I do not have skill enough with words in this

 language to speak of it properly. But seeing you kept me up at night,

 and I longed to be with you. I have known many beautiful girls and

 women, but most of them are tedious. Often their attractiveness is

 dimmed by their vanity, and I quickly grow tired of their

 companionship. But your company was delightful. You are bright, and

 charming, and most witty. Your loveliness is so natural, as if you

 were blithely unaware of it. Somehow that only makes you more

 attractive. 

 

 I am sorry. I have been writing this while looking at pictures of

 you Sakura has given me. They are quite terribly distracting, and I

 should put them away so that I may finish this letter. But I will

 not, because they are wonderful to look at. Thank you so very much

 for them. Anyway, I quite fell under your spell. I appreciate that

 you are telling me that you are bound to Sakura-chan. However, I

 could see this for myself, as you look at her with such tender

 regard. It is curious, because from the way Sakura-chan talked about

 you, I had assumed the two of you were once lovers. She speaks of you

 with such affection and awe. But oddly, she later seemed quite

 perplexed by what I was hinting at. She is most deliciously cute when

 she is confused about things, is she not? I was even further baffled

 myself when I saw the two of you together during your visit. Your

 love was most charmingly evident, but she did not seem to quite

 understand it all. It was very baffling to me, though perhaps I

 understand more now after your letters. Yet I wonder if anyone really

 knows Sakura-chan's heart just now? 

 

 Thank you for your most forthright honesty. Though it is beautiful,

 it saddens me somewhat that your love is so constant. I myself feel a

 longing for you, and know your presence would brighten life up quite

 a bit. But most of all I am sad for your heart that has no rest, and

 knows such pain. Sakura herself is in a turmoil these days. She is

 always talking about you, and sighs when she speaks your name. I have

 heard her crying at night, in the kitchen and the garden. She misses

 you so, and is much like a little lost child without her mother. I

 hope that all goes well with your plan to fade away from her life.

 What you say is very logical indeed, and must certainly be true. But

 hearts are strange, and sometimes what we think does not seem to

 matter to them. They are impertinent, and have their own way of

 things. Maybe I am sympathetic with hearts, for they are like me bit,

 yes?   

 

 Being with you was a most delightful surprise, for if our meeting

 was as brief as the Cereus blossom, it was also as beautiful. I will

 pray for you and Sakura-chan at the temple today. May all the gods

 and spirits protect your hearts.

 

 

 My best regards,

 

 Fanren

 

 PS- I will be in Tokyo next year, and will most gladly accompany you

 to the local clubs in Tomoeda. Aiyaaa, I cannot wait to dance with

 you!        

 

 

 Dear Fanren-san,

 	What you said about the Night-Blooming Cereus was beautiful. Ieran-

 sama is a very wise and knowledgable woman. It's true that if your

 heart is patient enough, you can find the most stunning beauty. I'm

 very lucky that it didn't take me long to find it. But it certainly

 caught me by surprise. I had never dreamed that I would discover such

 a gorgeous creature on this planet, not just in her appearance, but

 also in her shining spirit. It was almost too much for me at the

 time. I remember coming home and lying in my bed, staring up at the

 ceiling in amazement, my heart lost in confusion at the sheer bliss

 that the cute girl at school had stirred within me. I didn't get much

 sleep that night. Actually, I haven't gotten much sleep since that

 night. There have always been costumes I have designed just so I

 could see her in them, videotapes to watch her actions from times

 long since passed, and thoughts of her to keep me from sleep's gentle

 embrace. 

 	But you are right. Patience is necessary to see the beauty that is

 so often hidden right in front of us. I know that patience certainly

 helped with Sakura-chan. Sometimes it takes her a while to understand

 things, but I was happy to wait for realization to dawn upon her,

 helping her gently along the way. You're also right about how cute

 Sakura-chan can be when she's confused. I always loved seeing her

 like that. In the end, Sakura-chan always wound up fixing things. She

 has an awe-inspiring determination that is really unstoppable when it

 comes out. I don't know if you've had a chance to see it, but her

 eyes sparkle like emeralds when it takes hold of her.

 	Thank you for letting me tell you all this. I can't tell Sakura-

 chan because I don't want to burden her with any of it. It has helped

 quite a bit to be able to talk to you. I don't think you're fickle at

 all. I think that your heart wanders. But when you find the right

 person, the one who holds your heart, then it will stop its journey.

 I hope that you find this person soon. You are a very delightful

 woman and I think anyone would be extremely lucky to have your

 company.   

 	I'm sending this at the same time as I send my final letter to

 Sakura-chan. It pains me so much to do so, but I know I have to. The

 thought that I'll never see her again tears at my heart. It was so

 hard to see through the tears while I wrote it. I'm lucky I didn't

 have to tell Sakura-chan in person because I don't think I could

 have. I already miss her terribly. My heart will always belong to

 her, no matter where she is. Please keep an eye on her for me. Her

 happiness means everything to me. I can't stay or I'll ruin that

 happiness. If she continues looking, she may unravel her new life

 because of me. I couldn't bear to see her lose all of that. And even

 if she quit searching, I don't think my heart would last much longer

 if I stayed in her life. I wanted to fade out slower, to disappear so

 that I would only be a distant memory to her. But I can't. I'm afraid

 that everything is too close to the edge. I have to leave her life

 now before it's too late. But it hurts so badly. It feels like I'm

 leaving a piece of myself behind. I will always love her. That's why

 I have to fade away. 

 	Fanren-san, thank you again for all of your help. I look forward to

 seeing you in Japan someday. Perhaps you can tell me what has become

 of Sakura by then. Right now I would love to dance. I'll always

 remember it as such a beautiful activity, a song of hearts. Thank you.

 

 Sincerely,

 Daidouji Tomoyo