Dear Sakura

 After the Banquet

 by Amazoness Duo and G.P.

 amazonessduo@hotmail.com

 

 

 

 Tomoyo stood alone for a long moment, looking for all the world like

 a beautifully dressed up china doll. Her body was tired, sleep

 tugging at her weary soul with the help of a full stomach. But her

 mind was still busily going over things. The banquet really had been

 spectacular. It would have been nice to be closer to Sakura, but she

 looked very happy next to her husband. If only she had been able to

 bring her camcorder... Those would have been images she would have

 enjoyed watching again and again. Not only had Sakura been enjoying

 herself, something Tomoyo always loved to see, but she had looked

 simply gorgeous. With a sharp pang, she could remember the last time

 Sakura had looked so stunning. At her wedding. Tomoyo had taken hours

 to prepare Sakura for the big day. So she had thrown her all into

 making sure that Sakura looked perfect for her wedding. The dress had

 been of her design, the last complete costume she had made for

 Sakura. Part of her had been overjoyed to be a part of Sakura’s

 wedding, but the other part had felt like she was giving Sakura away.

 Like she was stepping away from her life. That Syaoran would now be

 the one to help the Cardmistress with all of her problems and joys.

 To protect her and give her the happiness that she never could.

 During those long hours that she had readied Sakura she had felt like

 she was saying goodbye. Yet here she was. 	A soft giggle lit the

 empty room. She should have known that escaping Sakura wouldn’t be

 quite so easy. Sakura had infiltrated her heart and soul, filling her

 thoughts and dreams completely. Everything she did, she did for

 Sakura. And now... Could she ever say goodbye again? Could she ever

 completely slip out of Sakura’s life? She had thought that it would

 be for the best. Sakura didn’t need her, after all, so it seemed less

 painful for everyone if she faded from Sakura’s life. It was too

 painful watching it all, knowing that the brunette could never know

 her heart’s desire. But now, after this visit to Hong Kong, she

 wasn’t so sure that she could fade from Sakura’s life so completely.

 She needed Sakura. Like a flower without sunlight, she would die

 without the warmth her best friend bestowed upon her. And after the

 miraculous kiss the night before, it seemed that Sakura’s feelings

 were more entwined with her own than she had thought. She still

 hadn’t completely understood why Sakura had shared in it as deeply as

 she had, but Sakura’s love had been unmistakable. What that love

 meant, Tomoyo wasn’t fully sure of either, but it seemed that she was

 still important to Sakura. And that knowledge made the idea of

 leaving Sakura’s life unbearably painful. She felt like a puppet,

 caught up in the strings Sakura had wrapped tightly around her soul.

 Everything Sakura did tugged at her, drawing her one way or another,

 making her dance for the amusement of her audience, always hoping

 that it would make the brunette happy. And so everything she did was

 for Sakura, but her smiling doll exterior hid the pain in her heart.

 	For a brief moment, the lavender haired designer considered what

 Fanren had said. Loneliness consumed her, a constant companion that

 haunted her every waking moment and often caught her in the midst of

 even her happiest dreams. For once, it would be so nice not to wake

 up alone, crying in bed in a haze of lavender curls. Someone to talk

 to, to hold on to, to be able to share her inner turmoil. The idea

 was certainly tempting. Sakura would never be hers, of course. So why

 was she still giving her heart to a married woman that would never

 know her feelings? Everyone she knew was falling in love, finding

 their special someone. She had already fallen in love before any of

 them. But she was denied her special person. So while they were all

 building their relationships, Tomoyo was very much alone. The

 beautiful heiress to the Daidouji fortunes, wasting away as she kept

 her heart locked up and away from view.

 	As Fanren had shown, it wasn’t impossible for her to find someone.

 A relationship would not be impossible. Besides, with her masks and

 perception she could easily manage a relationship. And for once she

 wouldn’t be completely alone. Fanren herself was an extremely pretty

 woman, and she was very kind. Spending time with her would be

 infinitely better than being alone. But there was one thing she

 couldn’t offer the Chinese beauty. Her heart. It didn’t matter if she

 could manage a relationship or not. Or even if she could find someone

 to be with. It was that her heart, her soul already belonged to

 another. She could never love her, or anyone else for that matter,

 with the same fervor, the same boundless passion that she held for

 Sakura. The Cardmistress was what made an eternity of loneliness seem

 livable. The very thought of her sent a surge through Tomoyo’s body,

 her hands going over her heart as the feeling that she always had

 when she was around Sakura shot through her. Yes, another

 relationship would never be anything more than an escape from the

 loneliness and a need for comfort. Her heart would always belong to

 Sakura. A small smile crossed the dark haired woman’s lips. If she

 had to be alone, it was worth it to be in love with her sweet best

 friend. “Sakura-chan...” she whispered lovingly. 

 

 	Watching Tomoyo from the doorway, Sakura found herself entranced by

 the almost ethereal beauty of her best friend. She really didn’t know

 how long she had been standing there. Blushing a bit, she realized

 that she had been staring the entire time. But oddly enough, Tomoyo

 didn’t seem to notice. The pale woman seemed lost in thought, far

 away from the dark banquet room in Hong Kong. Some of the thoughts

 seemed to be troubling her. Sakura wondered if Tomoyo was once again

 thinking about her special someone. The young designer thought about

 them often. They had to be an extremely lucky person to be in her

 thoughts so often. 

 	A soft sigh escaped Sakura as she leaned against the door frame.

 She couldn’t help being a little jealous about Tomoyo’s special

 person. When they were younger, it seemed that she was the one who

 was always in Tomoyo’s thoughts. She had been the lead in the play of

 Tomoyo’s life, always the center of attention to the slightly odd

 dark haired girl. And it had been very embarrassing at times. But she

 had enjoyed it immensely, knowing because of that that she was

 important to her best friend. It had always made her feel good.

 Special. Loved. She knew that she couldn’t be as important to Tomoyo

 anymore. After all, she was married herself and knew how important

 finding one’s love was. But she loved being so important to Tomoyo.

 Was she being selfish still wanting that? Tomoyo had grown up. Her

 special person was the most important person to her now. And whoever

 that person was, they were making Tomoyo sad. Which made the whole

 thing even worse for Sakura. The brunette had rarely ever seen Tomoyo

 sad. It was like those stormy blue eyes were always glowing warmly.

 The thought of Tomoyo being so sad like this left Sakura feeling weak

 and helpless. There had to be something, anything that she could do.

 	Thinking back on things, it now looked like Tomoyo had planned on

 being alone from the beginning. That thought sent a chill down

 Sakura’s spine. How could such a loving, gentle girl like Tomoyo be

 alone forever? What had been the first clue? When they had bought

 materials to make teddy bears for someone special. Rika had made one

 (that she now knew had been for Terrada-sensie) and Tomoyo had

 explained how you were supposed to make one for the person you like.

 Sakura had been overjoyed at the prospect and hurried to get the

 materials. Strangely enough, Tomoyo didn’t buy any to make one for

 the person she liked. That had surprised Sakura who had thought

 Tomoyo would finally get to show her special person her feelings for

 them. But Tomoyo had explained that what she wanted the most was for

 her love to be happy, even if it wasn’t with her. Sakura hadn’t

 understood at the time, but Tomoyo was telling her that she couldn’t

 be with her special person so she couldn’t make them a teddy bear

 because she didn’t think they could return her feelings. The pale

 girl had only been ten at the time. Only ten years old. She should

 have been dreaming about when she would marry her true love, sure

 that everything would work out in the end. But Tomoyo had always been

 a little odd, and much of what she did only made sense to Sakura in

 hindsight. Tomoyo had known back then that she would be all alone.

 And Sakura hadn’t had a clue. Her heart sank in her chest at the

 painful realization. Was there anything she could have done? Was

 there a way she could have helped Tomoyo? It was heartbreaking to see

 Tomoyo alone after all these years. If the love that she showed

 Sakura was anything like the love for her special someone, then it

 must tear Tomoyo apart inside to be without them.

 Later, when everyone started dating, Chiharu once asked why Tomoyo

 wasn’t dating anyone. Tomoyo replied that she couldn’t date the

 person she wanted to so she felt that dating wouldn’t be right. Then

 she quickly added that it left in more time to videotape Sakura.

 Sakura had blushed at the time and had brushed it off, but now she

 felt horrible. Everyone had been so busy trying to balance

 relationships back then but Tomoyo had always been with her. She had

 been happy about that, but now she saw that she had been pouring

 herself into her own relationship right in front of Tomoyo, glad to

 have Tomoyo there, but not seeing how lonely it must have made her. 

 Now Sakura had a dilemma. More than ever, she wanted to find

 Tomoyo’s true love and help her with it. It wasn’t right that

 Tomoyo’s beautiful love be kept locked away. But Tomoyo didn’t want

 her to find out for some reason. And Sakura wasn’t sure she wanted to

 know who it was. After that kiss they had shared in the garden, the

 thought of all of Tomoyo’s love going to another frightened her.

 Feeling that warmth encompass her, the kiss, the embrace, the gentle

 immersion in Tomoyo’s love, she didn’t want to let that go. She

 wanted it all for herself, not to see it all given to someone who

 couldn't appreciate her lovely best friend.

 Her emerald eyes shot open when she heard Tomoyo whisper her name.

 The sound of Tomoyo’s melodious voice quickly brought her back to her

 senses. Had Tomoyo seen her? A blush crept across her cheeks. She had

 just been standing there and staring for a while now. No, it looked

 like Tomoyo had just said it. But why? Maybe she wasn’t thinking

 about her special someone at the moment. Stepping forward, Sakura

 smiled. “You look so gorgeous, Tomoyo-chan! Syaoran’s sisters really

 did a great job. Not that you aren’t always pretty. You’re probably

 the most beautiful woman I know,” the brunette said quickly.

 Tomoyo smiled giddily as she saw the object of her thoughts

 approaching. “Sakura-chan must not look in mirrors very often,” she

 stated softly. She delighted in the blush it brought upon Sakura. No,

 there was no way she could truly love anyone besides the woman in

 front of her. But she wouldn’t have it any other way. To love Sakura

 was both the most wonderful feeling in the world and also the most

 painful. She had thought the pain would lessen as she grew older, but

 the loneliness only became more acute as time went by, her longing

 for Sakura growing stronger by the day. And now she had actually

 kissed Sakura. It had been Tomoyo’s first real kiss. That intimate

 moment with the Cardmistress had thrown off everything she had been

 sure about. Her visit to Hong Kong was supposed to help her distance

 herself from Sakura so she could fade away from her life. Now she

 felt even more attached. She had come with the intention of hiding

 her feelings for Sakura now that she was married, but they had burst

 forward in a torrential outpouring. She had been drowning without

 Sakura. She needed her just as surely as she needed air. Living

 without her was becoming more and more difficult. That all too brief

 moment with Sakura had been a tantalizing piece of Heaven.

 Giggling slightly, Sakura brushed some hair back from her shimmering

 jade eyes. “Most people save that sort of thing for the banquet,

 Tomoyo-chan.”

 “But if it’s equally true during the banquet and after, I should be

 sure to let Sakura-chan know,” Tomoyo pointed out. It took every

 ounce of her remaining strength to stand still as Sakura took both of

 her hands in her own. For a moment’s time, Tomoyo wondered feverishly

 if Sakura was going to kiss her again. Sakura was very close to her.

 The pale woman’s heart stopped in her chest as eternity seemed to

 stretch on endlessly before her. She ultimately dismissed the thought

 as wishful thinking. She had been lucky that Sakura hadn’t acted

 adversely to the first kiss. The fact that Sakura kissed back with

 nearly the same passion in Tomoyo’s heart made the event one she

 would both treasure and try to understand. Why had Sakura given so

 freely of herself? Why had she kissed back so lovingly? Perhaps she

 had misjudged how important she was to Sakura. If Sakura’s letters

 were any indication, the brunette missed her greatly. So was the kiss

 merely Sakura returning it with all of the love she held for her best

 friend and nothing more? But there had been so much behind the kiss.

 The entire thing sent Tomoyo’s head spinning. Sakura still didn’t

 seem to know that she was the object of Tomoyo’s affections, so she

 must not have understood completely why the toy designer had kissed

 her in the first place. Tomoyo understood Sakura better than anyone

 else did, but this was confusing her. She didn’t know how to act

 about it or what masks she should wear. If she could manage the

 strength to wear any at all.

 Sakura watched Tomoyo intently. Was the pale woman shivering? It was

 hard to tell in the dark. Squeezing Tomoyo’s soft, ivory hands

 gently, Sakura asked, “Tomoyo-chan, are you cold? Maybe we should go

 get you a blanket or something.”

 “No, I’m not cold at all. I feel very warm being here with you,

 Sakura-chan. You’re the bright, shining sun that lights up my world,”

 Tomoyo explained, her soft voice barely above a whisper. She brought

 her hands up, Sakura’s hands still holding onto them as she rested

 them on Sakura’s cheeks. She could feel the hot blush under the

 brunette’s cheeks and the soft feel of her skin. Tomoyo sighed

 happily, meeting Sakura’s eyes with her stormy blue ones. Yes, it was

 certainly nice to be with Sakura again, even if Sakura was married

 now. She was happy just to be there with her best friend. 

 “Tomoyo-chan...” Sakura said quietly, unsure of what to say. Her

 heart was pounding in her chest like a drum, her feelings swirling

 inside her like a tornado. Why couldn’t there be some way for her to

 make Tomoyo happy? Tomoyo said she was happy as long as her special

 someone was happy, but there had to be some way to make Tomoyo happy

 herself. If she were the boy that Tomoyo loved, she would never be

 able to leave her all alone. She would be overjoyed to be the focus

 of all the love in Tomoyo’s heart. The chiming of an old grandfather

 clock nearby rang a reminder through her head. “Oh! I need to call

 one of the girls from the cheerleading club. I promised I would give

 her mother some information about it tonight.”

 Nodding, Tomoyo smiled sweetly at Sakura as her hands slowly trailed

 away from the brunette’s cheeks. “All right, Sakura-chan. Those girls

 are all very lucky to have you as their sensei. You were always so

 cute when you were cheerleading. I loved to watch you when I didn’t

 have choir practice. They’ll all look so kawaii training with you.” 

 “Arigato, Tomoyo-chan. You always say such nice things. I’m really

 sorry for leaving like this. I’ll try not to take too long. I don’t

 want to waste any of the time we have together,” Sakura said

 hurriedly as she walked backwards towards the door. The two said

 goodbye before Sakura made her way back to her room.

 

 Tomoyo looked up at the stars sparkling in the sky above, like

 sparkling pearls resting on a huge velvet cloth. Yet for all of their

 beauty, they paled in comparison to her spirited best friend. Her

 thoughts kept returning to Sakura as she walked out in the garden

 under the moonlight. Thoughts of the night before continued to course

 through her, the sweet scent of Sakura and the warm feel of her lips

 lingering like a ghost in her mind. That sent another smile across

 her lips. She didn’t know if she should thank Touya or not for

 frightening Sakura about ghosts. She always loved how Sakura would

 grab onto her for comfort when she was scared of ghosts. These days

 she must do that with Syaoran. 

 Thinking about Syaoran made her feel a little uneasy. Not because of

 him. She had grown used to him long ago. And she had chosen him as

 the one Sakura’s heart must belong to. But now she was starting to

 wonder about that, as well as Ieran’s words. Could it be that she had

 been wrong? Had she misjudged Sakura’s heart? She had taken into

 account that Syaoran had liked Sakura very much and that he would be

 able to take care of her and give her a child. And she seemed rather

 close to him. But had she made a terrible mistake? Syaoran always had

 difficulty with his emotions and that made things difficult with

 Sakura, who was a very emotional woman. She had been surprised to

 hear that Sakura had to leave to talk to one of the girls from school

 and not to go be with Syaoran. He hadn’t been around very much during

 her visit, but whether that was normal or because he didn’t want to

 get in the way during the trip, she wasn’t quite sure. And the kiss...

 The sounds of heavy breathing up ahead grabbed Tomoyo’s attention.

 Stepping forward past a tree, she spotted a Chinese woman around her

 age, still dressed in her beautiful dress as her legs whipped through

 the air as if fending off invisible attackers. “Hello, Meiling-chan,”

 she said pleasantly as she approached the black haired woman. Tomoyo

 could tell that the night's festivities had not sat well with her.

 Meiling looked rather upset, probably at seeing Syaoran and his new

 bride again. She knew how painful that could be. She and Meiling had

 been in the same boat, pouring out their heart to the one they loved

 but unable to have them. Of course, Meiling had taken a much more

 aggressive route than she had. And she had known that she couldn’t

 have Sakura for a very long time. It wasn’t until after Sakura had

 captured all of the Clow Cards that she realized she wouldn’t be the

 one to make Sakura happy. Meiling didn’t seem to realize that, at

 least not consciously. 

 “Why do you put up with it?” Meiling asked, her leg sweeping through

 the shadows. The slit in her long dress shifted again as she kicked

 out. She was still upset about the dinner. She had been Syaoran’s

 fiancee for years, always by his side when he needed her, there to

 love him always. And then he ran off with some girl he met in Japan.

 She had not wanted to come tonight at all. Were they trying to rub it

 in her face? The only reason she had come was because Ieran told her

 to personally. Otherwise she was sure she could find something better

 to do than to spend all night watching Syaoran and his bride. Just

 about anything. “I mean, all this time you’ve loved her and now she’s

 married to my Syaoran and you’re still all smiles and warmth to her.

 I don’t get it. If you loved her back then, then why are you

 pretending like it’s no big deal?”

 “I still love her. I always will. I’m sorry about Li-kun, but I just

 want Sakura to be happy. Now that she’s married and starting a new

 life, I want her to know that I still care for her. I don’t want her

 to have to worry about how the marriage affected me or how I feel

 about her.” Tomoyo sighed as she steadied herself against a tree.

 “Besides, I can’t be angry with her. Or with him. As long as he takes

 care of Sakura, then I’m glad that they got married. Sakura deserves

 a happy marriage.”

 Meiling finally stopped her assault on the shadows, trying to catch

 her breath. She shook her head, clenching her fists. “But she hurt

 you. She ran off with some boy from Hong Kong. Leaving you all alone.

 How can you sit back and take it? I can’t believe Syaoran did it. He

 promised me...” Her amber eyes closed for a moment as she tried to

 calm down. She was not going to cry in front of Tomoyo. Today was bad

 enough without breaking down in the garden. Indulging her anger a

 bit, she found it easier to push the tears away. “Why is it all right

 for them to be happy when neither of us can be? Did things really

 work out the right way? I loved Syaoran so much and you loved Sakura

 and now we’re both left alone like discarded playthings. It feels

 like things worked out the wrong way. Why did we both have to get

 hurt in the end? Why couldn't we all be happy with the ones we love?”

 The garden was silent for a full minute. The pale heiress didn’t

 have an answer to Meiling’s question. There had been times when she

 was all alone that she found herself asking it to the sky above.

 There was never an answer. “I don’t know,” she said at last. Fate had

 done a pretty painful job of patching things up, leaving too many

 loose ends that refused to heal. She and Meiling seemed to be two

 more casualties in Fate’s work.

 	Sighing, Meiling toyed with a large bracelet she had on. “Neither

 do I. I still don’t see how you can be happy for the both of them.

 I’m still pissed about the whole thing. I really did love him,

 Tomoyo. I can’t believe that he’d do this to me. Sakura didn’t know

 how you felt, but I made sure Syaoran knew everyday just how I felt

 about him. And he still went through with it. It’s not right that we

 both got left behind like this.” She smiled a little in the dark,

 pushing a pigtail over her shoulder. “I wish you had gotten Sakura.

 Then neither of us would be in this mess.”

 	Returning the smile, Tomoyo hugged herself as the cold began to

 settle into her pale body. Meiling was suffering through the same

 pain she was, but like always, she was handling it differently.

 Almost like her mother. She smiled more at the thought. Of course,

 her mother never could have been angry at Nadeshiko. “Sometimes I

 wish I could have, too. Thank you, Meiling-chan. I’m very sorry about

 how everything turned out.”

 	“Me too,” Meiling answered, looking out across the garden. Her eyes

 darted around the dimly lit area when she heard someone running

 towards them. It was Sakura, hurrying along. She crossed her arms and

 frowned.

 	“Tomoyo-chan! There you are! I finally finished. I was wondering

 where you had gone off to. Oh, hello, Meiling-chan!” Sakura smiled

 politely as she reached the two dark haired women. From the distance,

 Sakura hadn’t been quite sure which was which. She had almost thought

 that Mirror had gone off as Tomoyo. 

 	“Hello, Sakura-chan,” Tomoyo said happily, smiling at the young

 bride. “I wanted to come back and take a walk in the garden. It looks

 like Meiling-chan had similar ideas.” 

 	Meiling brushed past Sakura as she headed for the door. “I really

 must be going. I should get home before it gets too late. I have some

 things I need to do tomorrow. Goodbye, Tomoyo! Enjoy your visit!”

 With that, she disappeared inside the house, leaving Sakura blinking

 after her.

 	Watching the bewildered look on Sakura’s face, Tomoyo let out a sad

 sigh. She could understand Meiling’s pain and her anger, but she

 could never be angry at Sakura. Taking one of Sakura’s hands, she

 quickly smiled again. “Please don’t worry about it, Sakura-chan. 

 Meiling-chan is in a lot of pain and she doesn’t know what to do

 about it.”

 	Sakura nodded slowly. Meiling hadn’t been very pleased with her at

 all during her stay in Hong Kong. But Tomoyo was right. There was no

 reason to worry about it. “I’m glad I found you. I was wondering

 where you were.”

 	“I’ll always be there if you know where to look, Sakura-chan. Even

 if it doesn’t seem like I am.” Tomoyo’s smile disappeared for a

 moment, her voice sounding earnest. A cloud seemed to pass over her

 stormy blue eyes for a moment before it faded away to be replaced

 with her nearly ever present smile. 

 	Standing with Tomoyo in the dark, Sakura felt her fingers

 intertwine with the toy designer’s. Tomoyo’s pale skin seemed to

 shine in the luster of the moonlight. “I found some photos you might

 like for your photo album, Tomoyo-chan.”

 	Tomoyo smiled again happily. “I would love that, Sakura-chan. They

 are little frozen moments in Sakura-chan’s life that I can flip

 through whenever I want to see her again.”

 	“Oh good! I hope you like them. Syaoran-chan and I were going to

 make an album ourselves some time, but we haven’t gotten around to

 it. I’d be happier if you had the pictures instead of them going to

 waste.” Squeezing Tomoyo’s hand, she led her best friend back inside.