Love is the Crooked Thing

 

 By G. P.

 

 Comments can be sent to the author at: treeandleaf2002@yahoo.com

 Note: All characters and names are copyright CLAMP. This work is in

 no way meant to infringe upon their intellectual property rights.

 

 

 BROWN PENNY by William Butler Yeats

  

 I WHISPERED, "I am too young," 

 And then, "I am old enough"; 

 Wherefore I threw a penny 

 To find out if I might love. 

 "Go and love, go and love, young man, 

 If the lady be young and fair." 

 Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny, 

 I am looped in the loops of her hair. 

 

 O love is the crooked thing, 

 There is nobody wise enough 

 To find out all that is in it, 

 For he would be thinking of love 

 Till the stars had run away 

 And the shadows eaten the moon. 

 Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny, 

 One cannot begin it too soon.

 

  

 

 

 

 Drawing a deep breath, pursing her lips in hesitant uncertainty,

 Sakura flicked the clasp of The Book. Like a shot, the click

 resounded loudly in the dimly lit room. Glancing up nervously, half-

 expecting the entire household to come running, Sakura let out a

 long, shaky sigh,.

 

 "Hoeeee, should I be doing this?"

 

 And without Kero to help, too. Another wave of ambivalence swept her

 pajama-clad form as she hugged herself tightly in the chill night

 air. For almost a month, she had been in turmoil, a gripping, minute-

 to-minute whirlwind of heartsick emotion. Knitting her brow, Sakura

 concentrated on the cards, willing them to come forth. Like leaves in

 a storm they fluttered from the book, lightly spinning in a

 breezeless swirl. Carefully reciting their names, Sakura closed her

 eyes, hearing them fall softly to the table. Then, silence.

 

 Blinking her green eyes open, she stared at the two piles neatly

 stacked before her. Sakura gently placed the bigger pile back in the

 book, closing the cover and clasping the golden latch with a decisive

 "snick".

 

 "All right, how did we do it before? 'Divide 4 with your left hand,

 in any order you like'"

 

 She remembered Kero coaching her the first time, sagely fluttering

 about as she arranged the cards. Oneechan had been in terrible

 danger, tricked by an illusion of Mirror. She had  felt his danger as

 a cold fist gripping her heart, squeezing tightly. The feeling now

 was just as intense, but so very different: not cold, but hot, not

 sharp and focused, but wild and dizzying. 

 

 "There"

 

 She looked down at the 10 cards, arranged in three neat rows of

 three, with one set to the right side. Closing her eyes again, she

 began to chant,

 

 "Cards made by Clow, answer my question. Show me the truth of the

 situation before me".

 

 Speaking these last words, her heart fluttered as she drew a quick

 breath. Thinking, do I really want to know the truth? For a month she

 had not. She had turned away, closed her eyes, and desperately tried

 to shut out the feelings that battered against her. Like a frightened

 animal she had run, in sheer terror, from her own confused emotions.

 But every day those feelings caught her, like baying hounds that

 could not be stilled, hot breath on her neck, eagerly flushing her

 into the open and cruelly driving her to ground. She shivered again,

 sensing a whirling wind above the cards as her chant took effect. Her

 auburn-red hair was lifted and tossed as her pajamas rustled and

 flapped in the breeze. When the little zephyr died out, she blinked

 her eyes open, gazing at the middle card in the top most row.

 

 "This is who is talking to me?"

 

 With a strangely steady hand, for the nervousness had drained away,

 The Mistress of the Cards turned over... The Flower.

 

 "Eeeehhhh?"

 

 Puzzled, Sakura stared at the card, a sweat drop forming. Flower?

 Not some Card of power and drama, like Dream, or Sword, or Windy?

 Flower?! It was more than disappointing, it was…. irritating. For all

 the wrenching agony she'd been through in the past weeks, it was

 Flower that was talking to her?

 

 "This can't be right", she mumbled to herself. But it all looked

 right, no, it felt right, too. If she didn't know the source of the

 feelings that wracked her, she at least knew the Cards. And this was

 right. 

 

 "OK, Flower. I found you at the School Festival, practically

 drowning us in petals. Kero said you like people, and parties, and

 fun, and, " Sakura felt a blush creeping up her neck, "and you danced

 with me, hee". Hannyann! After the shock wore off it had been kind of

 fun, dancing on the rooftop among the scents of a thousand blossoms.

 

 So, it was Flower that called to her. But looking at the Card,

 Sakura could not believe that so gentle a thing could cause such

 stormy feelings. With a quick breath, Sakura remembered yesterday in

 school. Fidgety in class, the teacher calling her who knows how many

 times before she came to, Tomoyo tugging desperately at her sleeve,

 smiling as always. She remembered furious words with Li, stomping

 away from the puzzled and angry boy. And even Tomoyo! Turning her

 back on her very best friend, running away, sobbing. Wiping away the

 tears with her pajama sleeve, she remembered the image of Tomoyo,

 crushed, hurt beyond measure, clutching her hands tightly as Sakura

 raced away from her. Guiltily looking at the pink cell phone, knowing

 who had tried to call her all night before turning it off. Thinking,

 “Now, I'm even hurting Tomoyo-chan”. 

 

 That's why she had to know, she could not put it off. Not knowing

 the feelings that battered her was painful, but now it was hurting 

 the people that she loved so dearly. 

 

 “Well,” she thought, “let's see just who, or what, is behind all of

 this.” Looking decisievely at the middle row of cards, she reached

 out and turned them over, 1, 2, 3.

 

 

 The Sweet, The Silent, and The Song.

 

 

 The emerald eyes widened as she scanned the cards. This made even

 less sense than Flower trying to talk to her. There was nothing sweet

 about the agony she had been feeling. Her heart racing and stopping,

 flushed hot and cold, dizzy and spinney with a longing that was

 tearing her apart. And a Silent Song? That was impossible,

 ridiculous. What sort of song can be silent? TV with the sound off?

 Karaoke? A broken CD player? But again, the Cards felt right.

 Whoever, or whatever, was causing her to suffer was there on the

 table, spelled out in three Clow Cards.

 

 Closing her eyes, Sakura concentrated, as hard as she ever had. The

 world fell away, room and house and family and friends and the whole

 wide world vanishing into an inner darkness. Only three cards in a

 black, velvety silence. Concentrate! For untold minutes, her

 breathing stilled, heart barely beating, there nothing but the three

 cards. All thoughts and feelings drifting away like incense at a

 temple, wispy little nothings in the vast dark. And then, she heard it.

 

 From far, far away, down a tunnel or a tube or a cave, barely

 audible in the inky midnight, a voice...no, a song! Sweet beyond

 words, charming, alluring, and hauntingly beautiful. Sakura's heart

 suddenly pounding, racing away from her as a stormy, thundering

 whirlwind ripped apart the darkness, drowning out the faint melody.

 With a shuddering gasp, she came to, reeling, dizzy,  the cards on

 the table slowly coming into focus:  

 

 The Sweet, The Silent, and The Song.

 

 

 Breathing heavily, her fists in tight little balls, Sakura forced

 herself to calm down. Only one more. Pursing her lips, she glanced at

 the outside Card, separate, alone in it's own little row. This is the

 card that will tell me where. With mounting excitement, she reached

 for the card, then hesitated. What would she do when she knew? In a

 way, the not knowing was easier. Painful, yes, but not knowing was

 easier, safer, and more comfortable, because by not knowing, she did

 not have to do anything. With a smile, Sakura suddenly reached for

 the final card. She knew herself well enough. When she knew, she

 would act. From the very first sounds in the basement, she had faced

 whatever came along. Sometimes fearfully, sometimes with a push or a

 tug from Kero or Li, but she had met the cards, one by one. Her

 little hand reached out, flipping the final card over.

 

 The Maze.

 

 Well, this at least made sense. Total, complete sense. Because

 whatever, or whoever, was affecting her so severely was hidden far,

 far away. It almost seemed that she had been in a maze herself for

 weeks, stumbling up and down one blind alley after another. Fear of

 the time she and Li and Tomoyo were trapped in the Maze dissipated as

 her confidence burned brightly. 

 

 "This is a maze I can understand.” Sakura’s once gentle face was set

 with an iron determination. Smiling, she whispered, “Now I'll find

 you".

 

 Standing up, Sakura tightly clasped the Key at her breast.

 

 

 “Oh Key that hides the power of darkness, obey your Mistress”.

 Arching over the table, the girl picked up the Maze card and tossed

 it in the air as her room dissolved into golden light. Twirling her

 staff above her head, Sakura lunged and struck the fluttering card.

 

 “Release"!

 

 

 Part 2

 In the Labyrinth

 

 Standing at the gaping entrance of the maze, feeling a cool breeze

 from the deep dark within, Sakura suddenly wavered as a sickly fear

 settled upon her. There would be no help if she entered, no Tomoyo or

 Li or Mizuki-sensei to fetch her out. If she went in it was alone,

 except for whatever awaited within. Drawing a deep breath, she

 stepped lightly across the threshold, the golden light swallowed up

 behind her. As her eyes adjusted to the dim contours of the smooth

 walls, a sudden thought brought her to an equally sudden stop, 

 

 “And once I’m in, how will I ever get out?” With a quick smile she

 drew the Flower Card and flicked it into the air. “Release! And leave

 a trail of petals that follows my every step!”

 Now, with every step a gentle rain of pink sakura petals marked her

 way. Plunging into the darkness, the tiny pajama-clad figure listened

 for the haunting strains of Song. But all was silent, save for the

 soft shuffling of her own feet. 

 

 On and on she went, sometimes doubling back, sometimes spiraling

 around and around as the gray walls curved and looped. Finally, after

 what seemed like hours, Sakura slumped against the wall in an

 exhausted and frustrated heap.

 

 “I’m going nowhere like this”. She shut her eyes tight, listening,

 hearing only silence. “OK, stop walking, and concentrate. Concentrate…”

 

  Three Cards: The Sweet, The Silent, and The Song. 

 

 She had heard the Song, sweet and melodic, faint but clear and

 compelling. Now, there was only silence. The three cards were keys to

 what had plunged her into turmoil for the past month. Her senses,

 made keen and sharp by the year of hunting the Cards, could not

 detect the presence of a Clow Card in all of this. With analytic

 eyes, she turned to the stormy emotions that had beset her

 since...since when?

 

 "Since I found out about Yue". 

 

 Yue, the real Yukito; and so coldly different. With a wistful

 sadness she recalled lights like falling stars at the festival, a

 gentle glance, the lazy arc of a candy thrown from a bike. Her

 affection for him was undimmed, but, changed somehow. She shook her

 head, jumped up with a start, and began walking again. Since Yue,

 there had been an emptiness, a hole in her heart where a chill breeze

 blew. But the strange, powerful feelings that wracked her were not

 because of Yue, not about him at all. Or, rather, it was because he

 was gone that those sweet, painful feelings were unleashed. It was as

 if a dam had broken, and a flood of emotion, long bottled up, had

 gushed forth sweeping all before it.   

 

 

 Sweet, painful feelings. She stopped, standing quite still, and

 closed her eyes. Sweet feelings? Yes, they were. They hurt, they

 hounded her, and they had turned her life inside out. And yet, there

 was an intense, breathless sweetness. It was like the delightful

 feeling she had had with Yukito, or Mizuki-sensei, hannyann! But

 wrapped tightly with a longing, an aching sense of incompleteness,

 and an intensity that frightened her as no Clow Card ever had. And

 whatever caused it was in here, with her, silent. Whatever, or whoever.

 

 Frustrated, she began walking again, one hand following the smooth,

 cool wall, the endless corridors leading nowhere, the petaled path

 stretching behind her into the distance. If only she could hear the

 song again, she could get her bearings. She thought of Tomoyo-chan's

 songs, her sweet voice, and suddenly felt a pang of longing for her

 friend. Alone, the auburn haired girl realized how much she missed

 the presence of the one who was always  at her side, with her on all

 her adventures, waiting for her at school, always with a kindly look,

 a gentle touch, and encouraging words.

 

 Tomoyo-chan. The wonder, the miracle of her friendship was something

 she often took for granted amid the whirl of the Cards. But here,

 alone in the twilight halls, she keenly felt the absence of that

 sweet, loving presence. Even her odd obsessions, the costumes and the

 videotapes (sweat drop forming), were signs of her love. Then, with a

 gasp, Sakura  froze.

 

 Her love. Sakura, mouth open, stared at the ground in stunned

 surprise. Her love. The crimson heat of an epochal blush crept up her

 neck and shoulders and, like a red tsunami,  overwhelmed her. 

 

 "She...she likes me...like that". 

 

 Gripping the staff at her chest with both hands, Sakura stood

 breathless. 

 

 "She...loves me". Shaking her head furiously, she cried, "Hooeee,

 why didn't I see? Why didn't she tell me? Why?"

 

 Closing her eyes, Sakura thought of how unspeakably painful it must

 have been for Tomoyo-chan, her most precious gift unseen and

 unrecognized. But from Tomoyo, never a reproachful glare, an angry

 word, never anything but unbounded, unconditional love. 

 

 "Baka", exclaimed Sakura, as her tears fell freely, 'How can I have

 been so stupid? All this time, she loved me, and I, I didn't even

 know. I'm so sorry, Tomoyo-chan, I'm so, so sorry...." Dropping to

 her knees, the Mistress of the Cards buried her face in her hands,

 sobbing.

 

 All this time, loving me...silently loving me. Through teary eyes,

 Sakura stared into the distance and whispered,

 

 "Silently....loving me?"

 

 The Sweet, The Silent, and The Song.

 

 And then, she heard it again. 

 

 Louder this time, the song wafted from the center, the very heart of

 the maze. Staggering to her feet, Sakura stumbled towards the sound.

 Her face, streaked with tears, brightened as she recognized the voice,

 

 "Tomoyo-chan...Tomoyo-chan!"

 

 Racing towards the source of the song, Sakura felt her heart

 throbbing from excitment and exertion. All the feelings of the past

 month welled up inside her, but focused now, like a laser beam of

 light. Now she understood. The roaring tempest within, no longer

 angry at her ignorance, throbbed in harmony with her own heart. Now,

 at last, she realized who she loved, had always loved, and always

 would love for ever and ever and ever.

 

 "Tomoyo-chan!"

 

 Ahead, a pale, amythest light shone as the maze began to dissipate

 and dissolve. The love song flowed like the burbling water of a

 mountain brook, like white-hot lava, like the stars and the suns and

 the moons in the black velvet river of the sky. Sobbing, laughing,

 delighted, Sakura neared the white shrouded, dark haired singer

 bathed in a shimmering, purple glow. Slowly the figure turned to face

 her, blue eyes sparkling, smiling.

 

 

 "Sakura-chan?"

 

 Puzzled, smiling, Tomoyo took her friend by the hand, leading her

 into the spacious room. A shadow of concern darkened her face as she

 squeezed the girl's hand and whispered,

 

 "Sakura-chan, are you all right?"

 

 Catching her breath, blinking as she realized the maze had vanished,

 Sakura saw the familiar outlines of her friend's room. Looking at

 Tomoyo she smiled, blushed fiercely, then glanced away.

 

 "Tomoyo-chan, I...."

 

 Tomoyo gently held her hands, head tilted to one side, and gazed in

 wonder.

 

 "Tomoyo-chan, I like you. I...I really like you".

 

 With a musical laugh that angels might envy, Tomoyo beamed and

 replied,

 

 "I like you too, Sakura."

 

 Shaking her head wildly, Sakura squeezed the startled girl's hands

 in an iron grip.

 

 "No...NO! I don't mean it like that. I....Tomoyo," Her emerald eyes

 flashed fire as she grappled with the words,

 

 "Tomoyo I....I love you. I love you, too"

 

 For a long second, Tomoyo's face was a mask of shock and surprise.

 Then, smiling through the tears, blue eyes shimmering in unforeseen

 joy, her face shone with a radiant, heavenly light. Hand in hand,

 eyes locked together, the two friends stood alabaster still. Leaning

 closer, Sakura felt a warm breath against her tear-stained cheek.

 Eyes closing, her lips lightly brushed against Tomoyo's. Tomoyo

 wrapped her arms around Sakura as she returned the kiss with a gentle

 passion.

 

 Sakura and Tomoyo stood, entwined and oblivious, as Flower gaily

 danced above them, showering the lovers in a hurricane of blossoms.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Love is the sweet, silent song. And in the maze lies Tomoyo,

 waiting, her silent song heard at last by Sakura, who braves the

 confusion of the Maze to bring back her one true Love.