Lonely, Lonely Heart

 by Amazoness Duo

 amazonessduo@hotmail.com

 

 

 

 The wind was picking up. The radio had said there would be a storm

 hitting soon. Often the news can be mistaken about such things, but

 Sonomi had no doubt that this time they were correct. Which is why

 she had hurried as quickly as she could. It was Nadeshiko's birthday,

 after all, and she had never once been late in the eight years since

 her death. 

 

 The limousine pulled to a stop in front of a quiet and still

 cemetary. Stepping out of the back, Sonomi could feel the dampness in

 the cool air. The breeze carried a strong smell of rain as dark

 clouds rolled overhead. But the business woman paid them no heed as

 she walked into the mostly empty graveyard. There were few mourners

 today, few brave enough to tease the coming storm. Sonomi made a

 mental note to call Tomoyo before she got home and make sure that she

 was safe and sound. They could spend the night in front of the fire,

 drinking hot chocolate. Perhaps they could watch some of Tomoyo's

 beautifully filmed videos of Sakura. But that was all for later. For

 now, she had something else she had to do.

 

 "Hello, Nadeshiko-chan," Sonomi whispered into the silence. Kneeling

 in front of Nadeshiko's gravestone, she set down an armful of Sakura

 blossoms that she had brought with her, as well as a tiny box wrapped

 with beautiful red wrapping paper and long pink ribbons. "Happy

 birthday." Her fingers followed the curve of Nadeshiko's name along

 the cold stone. How often had she whispered that name in her sleep?

 How often had she called out it's beautiful syllables when she had

 been younger? Countless times in the past, and forevermore in the

 future would she be whispering the name of her darling cousin. 

 

 A dark sigh escaped Sonomi's lips as she closed her eyes. This was

 always such a difficult thing to do. She had thrown herself into her

 work after Nadeshiko had gone away with -him- as a way to distract

 herself from her pain. It allowed her to forget the despair that

 clung to her heart. But whenever she was here at her cousin's grave,

 it was impossible to forget. Countless memories, both sweet and sad,

 joyful and sorrowful, flooded back to her when she was there. Here in

 this place, she didn't have her work to focus her thoughts upon. She

 didn't have her gentle daughter to ease the loneliness in her heart.

 Here she was left all alone with her memories. 

 

 'Please don't cry, Sonomi-chan,' Nadeshiko had whispered oh so long

 ago. Sonomi had rushed to her side upon finding out that her beloved

 was dying. She had run from the pain, distancing herself from

 Nadeshiko's life when the other girl had been wed, but she had found

 herself forcefully pulled back by Nadeshiko's sudded illness. 'I

 don't like to see you sad. I'll watch over you. So please be happy.'

 

 'I.. I can't, Nadeshiko-chan...' Sonomi had replied by her cousin's

 bedside. 'I can't do that. I can't hold back my tears. Not for you. I

 need you, Nadeshiko-chan.. I can't pretend that I don't.' She knew

 now that Fujitaka had promised Nadeshiko that he wouldn't cry for

 her, but Sonomi hadn't been able to fulfill that wish of her cousin.

 Her heart belonged solely to the dark haired beauty, and it suffered

 terribly without her. They were tears of sorrow that she would never

 again see her beautiful cousin, tears of resentment over the man who

 had stolen her most precious Nadeshiko, and tears of regret for

 having missed out on so much of Nadeshiko's life by fleeing after her

 marriage.

 

 "Nadeshiko-chan, I miss you." Sonomi felt a painful sadness well up

 in her heart. "I miss you," she repeated. Her eyes, the same stormy

 blue as the skies above, welled up with tears. In all of her

 memories, Nadeshiko smiled radiently, giving off a warmth that was

 hotter than the sun to those who were blessed to know her. Sonomi

 longed to see that smile once more, to see her beautiful cousin

 before her. But she was all alone, unable to catch even a glimpse of

 her heart's desire. Her head rested against the cold stone as tears

 fell silently to the earth below her. Sometimes it was so hard to

 keep going without Nadeshiko. Everything could feel so futile without

 her cheerful cousin by her side. She had languished in this painful

 half existence ever since Nadeshiko's marriage stole the dark haired

 woman away from her. What was life if your one True Love was ripped

 from your grasp? Sonomi's only consolation was her sweet and loving

 daughter. Tomoyo was like a little piece of Nadeshiko left behind.

 She was cheerful and thoughtful and always terribly kind. She was

 Sonomi's one treasure that managed to soothe her heart. But now,

 Tomoyo was far away and Sonomi was left to deal with her anguish alone.

 

 "She missed you, too," a man's voice said softly from behind the

 woman collapsed against the tombstone. Fujitaka stepped back,

 allowing Sonomi some room as the business woman stood up quickly and

 composed herself. Her tears were briskly wiped away, the only sign

 that she had been crying the tell tale red in her eyes. Her look of

 sorrow was also replaced swiftly with one of hateful frustration. The

 man smiled in return, setting down his own flowers in front of

 Nadeshiko's grave. That only served to strengthen Sonomi's ire. 

 

 "What are you doing here?" she demanded, covering her earlier

 despair with the anger that was quickly rising up through her. It was

 with some relief that she turned form sorrow to anger. THis was

 something she could focus on, that she could vent out. Her pain never

 lessened it's hold on her heart, but her anger allowed her some

 measure of release. And this man was always the perfect target

 because she, quite simply, hated him. He had stolen everything from

 her. Her dearest Nadeshiko had been plucked right from her grasp. And

 after Sonomi had promised to protect her sweet cousin from such

 insects. He had even managed to outrace her, the only one ever to do

 so, as if he needed to slap her in the face after tearing out her

 heart.

 

 Fujitaka smiled pleasantly, as if greeting an old friend. "It's

 Nadeshiko's birthday. I wanted to give her some flowers." He nodded

 towards Sonomi's previously placed bouquet. "But it seems that I

 couldn't hope to outdo your offering, Sonomi-san." He knelt down,

 setting his own own flowers next to Sonomi's. "I'm sure she'll love

 those. You always did know what she liked."

 Standing back up, he watched Sonomi through his glasses for a long

 moment.

 

 Sonomi met his gaze fiercely, glaring at her former teacher. This

 man had taken away that which she loved most dearly and dared to act

 as if they were simply old acquaintances? Why did he always do that?

 Didn't he have any human decency in him to just leave her alone? Why

 did he insist on hurting her continually, his very presence a dark

 reminder of the loss of Nadeshiko? "Kinomoto-sensei." She nodded

 towards him and turned towards her limousine. She didn't need this

 right now. She would cry the way back home and then would spend the

 rest of the night in her daughter's company, the two getting a chance

 to escape the pain that love had caused the both of them. 

 

 "Sonomi-san, do you have to leave so soon? She really did miss you.

 I'm certain that she still does," he said cryptically, watching her

 back. 

 

 Tensing up at his words, Sonomi sprung on her heel like a cat,

 watching Fujitaka smile jovially at her. Today was the day that she

 was supposed to pay her respects to her beloved, that she could just

 stay by her side, but he had taken even that from her. She was in too

 much of an emotional hurricane to think clearly, let alone to deal

 with him. "What are you talking about? I have to get home to my

 daughter. She needs me." A light shower of rain began to fall, slowly

 carressing Sonomi's face and pelting agaisnt her clothes. 

 

 "And so does Nadeshiko," Fujitaka replied.Raindrops spattered

 against his glasses, but he took no notice, his eyes still on his

 deceased wife's cousin. 

 

 Clenching her fists, Sonomi felt her anger well up so quickly that

 it burnt her inside. "Don't you dare tell me about Nadeshiko-chan!!

 You stole her from me! You took away the most precious thing in my

 life! I don't care what you have to say! You always give me that

 damned patronizing smile, as if you don't care about any of the pain

 you've caused or that others suffer through. Why can't you just be

 happy with what you took from me? Why can't you leave me alone..?"

 Her voice broke at last, tears rolling down her cheeks as her anger

 finally gave way to pure sorrow and hopelessness. She was forever

 lost, never to be blessed with the love that graced her heart. Never

 to have or to hold her beautiful cousin. And it was all because of

 one man. 

 

 The taller man watched Sonomi for a long time, unsure of what to

 say. In all the time that he had known Sonomi, he had never once seen

 her like this. She had always been like a brave and noble samurai,

 always ready to do battle with him. But now, she looked so weak and

 fragile, her steel will caving in on itself. He did feel the pain,

 even if she didn't see it. He didn't allow it to show through. He had

 promised Nadeshiko. He had loved her and had agreed to her wishes.

 But Sonomi wasn't one to hide her emotions behind a never changing

 smile, to lock up the pain deep inside the heart and never letting it

 go. No, they had both dealt with their grief in entirely different

 ways. Sonomi by busying herself with her work and by fueling her

 anger towards him. And he dealt with it as if it wasn't there, behind

 a frozen smile and an endlessly pleasant demeanor. In some ways, he

 envied Sonomi. She let her emotions through and rode with them, so

 much like his own daughter, Sakura. She experienced all of her

 emotions to their fullest. At the same time, he pitied her. He, at

 least, had his memories of his marriage to Nadeshiko and their time

 spent together. Sonomi had been robbed of even that simple pleasure.

 So he understood why she hated him so, although he couldn't imagine

 simply not marrying Nadeshiko. That would have been like denying his

 very existence. 

 

 Sonomi felt a hand on her shoulder and immediately shrugged it away.

 "Leave me alone," she said weakly, trying to pull up any form of

 strength to get away. But there was nothing there for her to use. She

 felt so... empty. 

 

 "She missed you," Fujitaka repeated. "She kept searching for you in

 the last few years of her life. And she was always talking about you.

 'Sonomi-chan always loved to cook for me'. 'Sonomi-chan and I always

 did this together'. 'Sonomi-chan was always there for me. I wonder

 what she's doing right now'." He paused smiling a little to himself

 as he looked at the tombstone. His wife's body may be under their

 feet, but she was not. He wouldn't be surprised if she was watching

 them at that very moment. "You and I both know that Nadeshiko wasn't

 one to regret much. It wasn't her nature. She lived life to it's

 fullest and treasured every moment of it. And I think we both loved

 that about her. But you were one of her only regrets. Possibly the

 only regret she ever carried. The two of you were practically

 inseperable until we got married. You'll never know how much that

 hurt her. It took her forever to understand why you left." He sighed,

 pulling off his glasses. His own heart was clenching at the memories,

 but it was nice to try not to hide it for once. "She wanted to raise

 Sakura-chan like you. That's why she always had such short hair. And

 why I got her involved in athletics. Because Nadeshiko wanted her to

 grow up to be like her strong and gorgeous cousin, Sonomi. I tried my

 best to comply with her wishes." A soft laugh escaped him as he

 watched Sonomi, whose stormy blue eyes were staring into his own with

 a profound intensity. Sonomi still hated him, but he could see that

 they were curious, listening. "I think she turned out quite a bit

 like you. Even if she isn't quite as perceptive."

 

 Sonomi felt a lump form in her throat as she tried to swallow. Her

 tears continued to cascade down her cheeks, mixing with the

 raindrops. "She... Nadeshiko-chan wanted Sakura-chan to be like me?"

 she whispered. She had raised her own daughter to be like Nadeshiko,

 a way of expressing her longing for her far away cousin. Nadeshiko

 had done the same with her own daughter? "Nadeshiko-chan..."she

 whimpered, closing her eyes. 

 

 "She needed to see you again when she found out she was dying,"

 Fujitaka continued, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "She said that

 she had to see you again before she died. I don't think she was

 worried at all about her own death, but the prospect of dying before

 she could talk to you again frightened her immensely. So I searched

 everywhere I could, any way I could, to find you before time ran out.

 The letter you got was from her, but I was the one to seek you out

 for her. She had to see you one last time. I was almost afraid that

 you wouldn't make it on time. But I always knew that you were the

 most reliable person I could think of. And you made it. You should

 have seen the smile on her face when I told her you had called in

 from your hotel room." His hand went to his eyes as tears of his own

 began to blur his vision. "I'd never seen her so happy. It was as if

 a huge burden that had been on her shoulders for our entire marriage

 had been lifted." He looked up, swallowing painfully. "Sonomi-san,

 you meant quite a bit to her. So please don't feel lonely. I know

 she's keeping an eye on you."

 

 "Nadeshiko-chan..." Sonomi sobbed above Nadeshiko's grave, her face

 in her hands. The rain had by now thoroughly soaked her dress, but

 she could hardly care about such trivial things. Her mind was lost on

 those lovely syllables, Nadeshiko. She had always felt so alone,

 always wondering how much she had meant to her innocent cousin. Had

 she been so happily married that the split between them meant nothing

 to her? Was Nadeshiko watching from up above, a beautiful angel that

 kept watch over her family? Or did she also give her divine attention

 to Sonomi as well? Now it seemed that Sonomi had her answer. So she

 cried her heart out, her own lonely tears joining the storm of tears

 from up above.