Dear Sakura

 by Amazoness Duo and G.P.

 amazonessduo@hotmail.com

 pearsong1954@yahoo.com

 

 

 Dear Tomoyo-chan,

 

 

 Thank you for the beautiful letter. It means so much to me when you

 write. I wanted to tell you about your letters. I guess that sounds

 sort of silly, because you write them and know all about them. But

 what I mean to say is, let me tell you why they are so special to me.

 When I am expecting one, everyday I rush to the mailbox, or to the

 little whicker basket where the servants deposit the mail, hoping it

 has come. It was like this waiting for Syaoran-chan's letters all

 those times he was away in Hong Kong. Except his letters were pretty

 short now that I think about it, and were mainly special because he

 wrote them. Anyhow, when I do see one of your letters I know it right

 away. The envelopes are very distinctive, with a heavy paper and

 creamy color. When I see one, my heart dances with joy, because I

 know that your precious thoughts and feelings are sealed inside.

 Sometimes I am so excited I read it there in the hallway, or outside

 by the little black mailbox. But sometimes it is like Christmas Eve,

 when it is more exciting to wait and unwrap the beautiful presents at

 just the right time. So, sometimes I wait for a special moment when I

 am alone and can read in silence. I read the last letter you wrote at

 midnight, in the garden, by moonlight. 

 

 When I open the envelope I feel all excited, and sometimes have to

 calm down before reading. Tomoyo-chan, your letters have a wonderful

 scent, like lilacs. I am not sure if you use scented stationary, or

 if it is just you. Sometimes if I close my eyes it is like having you

 with me again, so close. Then I start to read. Your calligraphy is

 exquisite. Your scriot always amazed me when we were going to school.

 I was just happy to get the strokes right, but your writing flowed

 like a shimmering river. But what you write to me is even lovelier

 than the beautiful characters. When I am sad, you cheer me up, and

 when I am confused about something, you help me understand. You know

 and understand so much. All of my life you have been there to help me

 along. When I thought about this, I realized your letters are just

 like you. They are beautiful, and kind, and brimming with love.

 Gomenesai, Tomoyo-chan. For all the years we were together, I don't

 think I quite understood. About you, I mean. Because you were always

 with me, and were so close, I don't think I understood how important

 you are to me. Lately there is an odd, empty feeling I have, as if

 something is missing from my body. Something I long for, something to

 fill and complete me. I never felt this way before. Even all the

 times Syaoran was gone, I missed him, but not like this. When I read

 your letters, for a few golden moments I feel whole again. When you

 were here for your visit, I was happier than I have been since

 leaving home. Because you were with me. 

 

 Your letters are like little whispers from far away. When they come,

 I listen with all my heart. They mean so very much to me. I keep them

 in a little folder close to the bed, although your last letter is

 under my pillow when I sleep. Sometimes I take them to school, and re-

 read them during the day. Once my sensei-friend, Jun-sama, found me

 reading them during lunch. She says she called my name several times

 before I noticed her standing there. I bowed and apologized for my

 rudeness, but she laughed and said it was charming that a married

 woman was still receiving love letters. That made me blush terribly,

 and she laughed even more when she found out the letter was from you.

 We talked after that, and I told her how much I miss you. She said

 that you probably miss me just as much, which was amazing because

 I've never thought of it like that. She said friends and lovers are

 both sad when they are separated. The difference is that friends can

 gradually become used to distance, but that the hearts of lovers

 always suffer when they are apart. I told her this seemed odd,

 because it was the opposite with me. When Syaoran-chan was gone all

 those years, I eventually got used to things. But I told her that

 with you, my friend, it has gotten worse everyday. She looked sort of

 sad and sighed when I said this. I told her it must have been very

 difficult for her, losing her love the way she did. Jun-sama said her

 heart has never healed, and never will. Tomoyo-chan, I felt so sad

 for her because her love is gone from the world. I started to cry.

 She hugged me, like a mother would to reassure a child. But she

 didn't tell me everything would be all right, because she was crying,

 too. And it won't ever be all right for her, because her love is dead.

 

 Gomenesai, I'm crying again. I'm crying a lot lately, and I'm not

 sure why. I feel awful for Jun-sama, and your Mother, and my Father.

 Their hearts must be so lonely all the time. I feel like this because

 you are gone, and we are best friends. How can they live when their

 true love has left them forever? And I know I will see you again, and

 soon I hope. But they will never be with the one they love. That's

 why it makes me so sad when you wrote that you will never see your

 special someone again. I am so very sorry I never knew how much pain

 not being with your true love has brought you. Gomenesai, until that

 night in the garden, I never knew. In my heart it feels like this is

 all my fault. Maybe if I had understood, I could have helped. Why

 didn’t I know when we were so close? I was so caught up in the Cards,

 and Li-kun, and so many trivial things while my best friend needed

 me. How could I have been so stupid?  I was your best friend, and I

 failed you.Gomenesai.Gomenesai, Tomoyo-chan.

 

 It's morning now and I'm writing this on the bus to work. I couldn’t

 write anymore last night. I was still sad when I woke up, but now

 know what to do now. I can never make up for all the pain in your

 heart. I am more sorry than I can say, yet all the apologies that can

 be made won't fix things. But I will. I swear it. I am certain that

 anyone would be blessed and honored by your love. I know I would!

 Even if they are married, or with someone else, there has to be room

 in their heart for your love. There has to be. It's just too horrible

 if they don't know about you.  If they never know of your love, it is

 almost as if they were dead. Please don’t worry, Tomoyo-chan, because

 everything will be all right. I cannot live and be happy if you are

 sad.

 

 Now, as for the rest of your wonderful letter. Thank you so much for

 the beautiful photographs! Your Mother is right. You would make a

 delightful model. I am looking at one of the pictures now, the one

 where you are in the blue sundress, with your hand holding onto your

 hat. It reminds me of our trip to the beach. I get very hanyaan when

 I see you in this picture. It was so incredible to swim with you, to

 hold you close in the warm water. Aiyaaa! Tomoyo-chan, sometimes I am

 surprised at how I feel about you. It's funny, because we are both

 girls and all, but when we kissed I was in another world, another

 place that I wanted to be in forever. Just remembering the garden

 makes me dizzy and faint and filled with joy. Oniichan said once that

 a kiss is how two souls meet. He doesn't usually say such nice

 things, but I think it is true. I never felt so close to you as that

 night. 

 

 I hope no one sees me blushing like this on the bus. Thinking about

 people seeing me blush is making it worse. But anyway, thank you

 again for the pictures. Oh, and Fanren says thank you, too. She was

 very excited to get the photographs. She really likes you. I also

 love my Tomoyo-chan cooking video. I was going to make the recipe

 yesterday afternoon, but I couldn't stop watching you. Tomoyo-chan is

 like a pretty ballerina in the kitchen, so cute and fun to watch. I

 will try and concentrate on the recipe this weekend. 

 

 Thank you for talking about Syoaran-chanand me. It really helps so

 much. You are so perceptive, and it is always wonderful to be able to

 talk about things. I have never been very good about understanding

 people. So often they say one thing, and mean something else. So,

 hearts are very mysterious to me. I thought I knew all about Syaoran-

 chan, but I didn't. Oniichan says that you only begin to know someone

 when you are living together. Sugoi, another thing Oniichan said that

 isn't stupid! Anyway, I wonder sometimes if Syaoran is the same

 person I married. When I told him this he just got more angry, and

 said I was imagining things. But maybe it is true. He says things to

 me now that he never did before. And he seems distant, somehow. I

 know he loves me, and I still love him with all my heart, of course.

 Well. Anyway, please do not think that you are the reason for certain

 things between Syaoran and me lately. Tomoyo-chan, we don't see each

 other a lot anyway, because he is so busy. Our being together cannot

 have bothered him all that much. I really don't think our being

 together was what upset him. I guess he has a lot on his mind with

 work and all. 

 

 I do feel bad about Meiling-chan. I don't think she wants to see me,

 or I would have talked to her before. Not long ago I asked Fanren-san

 about it, and she said that Meiling-chan has always been quick to

 anger and slow to forget. She said that Syaoran-chan and Meiling-chan

 had been matched at birth as a most propitious couple by her

 grandfather, who was a revered Master of the Chinese magic concerned

 with beginnings and endings. I thought I should apologize to him, so

 I visited his grave at the family cemetery. The cemeteries in Hong

 Kong are even more crowded than those in Tokyo. Most of the graves

 are very small, but his was large and quite elaborate, which is no

 doubt a mark of great respect. I left flowers, and said prayers of

 apology. But I did not feel good afterwards, and came down with quite

 a cold. When Ieran-sama found out how I came to be sick, she said

 this was what happens to those who meddle with angry ghosts. I was so

 scared by what she said that it was hard to sleep that night. Do you

 think I should try and talk to Meiling-chan? 

 

 Tomoyo-chan, I miss you so much. I wish I had back all the time we

 were together, to live again knowing what I know now. I wonder if

 things would different? I pray we can be together soon. It’s so hard

 not to be with you.

 

 Love,

 

 Kinomoto Sakura

 

 PS Please give my best wishes to your Mother. I have been thinking a

 lot about her lately.

 

 

   

 

 

 Dear Sakura-chan,

 	I hope this letter finds you well. I hope you are curled up with

 your husband, happy and loved, content with the wonders that life has

 bestowed upon you. My one wish for you is that you will spend the

 rest of your days in endless joy. That your laugh will echo through

 the Li home, that your smile will light up the lives of everyone who

 is blessed with your presence. That you and your husband can forever

 travel the moonlit seas of eternity. If I know that you are happy, it

 will always bring a smile to my face. What would make me happiest

 would be to know that my darling Sakura-chan is shining brightly. If

 you could grant me a single wish, Sakura-chan, that is what I would

 like the most. You don't need to find my True Love or even grant me

 the boundless thrill of your presence. All I want is to know that you

 will always be happy, that you will face this life with a beautiful

 smile. If I know that, then I can smile as well. I'll forever watch

 over your beautiful emerald eyes and you pretty smiling lips. And

 that will be my greatest joy. I'm sure you will have a gorgeous life,

 Sakura-chan. Your story isn't over yet. I want Sakura-chan to have

 the happiest ending. 

 	Sakura-chan, thank you so much for being my best friend for all of

 these years. You befriended me when no one else would, showing me

 from the start how kind and sweet you are. I will always love you for

 that. You were always so cute and genki. Being around you always made

 my days a little taste of the heavens. I will forever treasure the

 beautiful gift of friendship that you have given me. You will never

 know how much it meant to me. Having a best friend like you was

 almost too much to bear at times. It was like a lovely dream that I

 never wanted to wake up from. Just like the eraser you gave me my

 first day of school, I'll keep your friendship in a little locked

 box, this one deep inside my heart. It was the most precious gift

 anyone has ever given me. 

 	You were an amazing girl and you've grown up to be an even more

 amazing woman. All of the videotape in the world couldn't catch every

 bit of you. I can only settle for the slivers that I've managed to

 capture on tape, beautiful moments suspended forever. Time has been

 very generous to you, Sakura-chan. I'm glad that I've been able to

 see its affect. But time also leaves many endings in it's wake. It's

 not something to fear, though. With endings come new beginnings.

 Those whose stories have ended can watch those whose stories are just

 beginning. In time, I'm sure that you will have a beautiful child. I

 can already see her. Very cute, and very energetic, just like her

 mother. I know you'll make an excellent mother. You have so much love

 in your heart. I know she will never be left wanting.

 	Sakura-chan, I'm very sorry, but I'll be going away soon. I don't

 know where yet. I just think that there are things I should do with

 my life now. I'll be leaving Tomoeda shortly, though I haven't

 decided on a destination. Mother doesn't want me to leave, but I

 think she understands that it's for the best. I want her to be happy,

 too, but like you said about Jun-san, I'm not sure if she ever can be

 without Nadeshiko-san. That has always broken my heart because I know

 mother sees some of Nadeshiko-san in me and it must be painful for

 her. She has been hurt quite a bit, but she has always moved forward.

 She is a very strong woman. She really did think you were a wonderful

 girl, Sakura-chan. She still does, I know it. 

 	I'm sorry. I spilled some droplets of water on the paper again. I

 must be getting clumsy these days. Sakura-chan, it's so hard to say

 goodbye. I never understood how difficult it would be. Even when you

 left for Hong Kong in the first place it wasn't this bad. I think

 it's because I knew that you would still be there, in some small way.

 That tiny hope flickered in my heart, shining in the darkest of

 nights. But now, I don't have that lighting my path. But that's all

 right. Because I'll always be with you. My heart will always look

 back to yours. Thank you so much for being the best friend I could

 ever have dreamed for. Thank you for letting me dress you up in

 costumes and for letting me videotape you and for just letting me

 stay by your side. Thank you for the beautiful memories you have

 granted me. And thank you for the warmth in my heart that I would

 never have found if I hadn't met you. Please remember that even if

 I'm far away, even if you don't hear from me, I will always be right

 by your side. You will never be far from my thoughts or my heart.

 Goodbye, Sakura-chan. Please smile for me.

 

 Your friend for all time,

 Daidouji Tomoyo