Title: Happy Years

 Author: Matthias Engel aka MysticMew

 Feedback: Solarsenshi@gmx.de

 Status: Alpha

 Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)

 Rating: PG-13

 Category: Romance, a tad bit darkish

 Pairing: Sakura/Tomoyo

 Timeline: Sequel to "The Different Path"

 Summary: Tomoyo reflects on the changes in her lives and the 

 experiences she had in her relationship with the "older" Sakura and 

 how the consequences of Sakura's wish begin to catch up with them.

 Distribution: MSD (www.catstrio.de), Shoujo Ai.com (www.shoujoai.com), 

 ff.net (www.fanfiction.net), Mediaminer (www.mediaminer.org), Moonlit 

 Nights (http://jrem.net/moonlit/tsFics.html) others may follow. If you 

 like this fic for your story, please tell me, I'm not likely to put 

 stones in your way, but I like to know where it goes.

 Legal Disclaimer: This story features two females romantically 

 involved. If that is illegal where you are or entirely not your thing, 

 turn around and leave now.

 Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura belongs to CLAMP and assorted 

 companies, I claim no right on the characters and original storyline.

 Story Disclaimer: Happy Years(c)2003 by Matthias Engel

 

 ******************************

 

 Foreword

 

 This is going to be the sequel to The Different Path. I firmed my 

 decision meanwhile that this will tie in with an idea I had for 

 another Sailormoon story. For now there is no visible connection but 

 they will flow together eventually when I get to the main story. But 

 that probably is still in the future.

 For now, this was prompted a little by one of the reviews I got, 

 wondering how Tomoyo's reaction to all this would be. This is a bit 

 free after the concept "Scenes of the rest of their life" or something 

 like that. The story will be done in diary format with several short 

 and some longer entries... we'll see, I never know this in advance. :)

 

 ******************************

 

 Happy Years

 Based on the works of CLAMP

 Story Concept by Matthias Engel

 

 ******************************

 

 <From the diary of Daidouji Tomoyo, aptly named "Sakura Musings">

 

 April 13, 1994

 	Dear Diary.

 

 	It has been awhile that I wrote in here and I'm sorry for 

 leaving you at such a crucial point where my dear Sakura seemed to be 

 just inches away from confessing her love to Syaoran. The reason why I 

 didn't get to write in here lately is that something really incredible 

 happened. Something so incredible that it will also effect this diary.

 	For as long as I kept this, I have dedicated these entries 

 solely to my one true love. The walking miracle that is Sakura-chan, 

 trying to capture my thoughts on the beautiful girl that had captured 

 my heart from the first day we met. But now, I can't write about 

 Sakura alone anymore because the most joyous, unexpected thing 

 happened...

 	But let me begin from the beginning, yes? It was on the day 

 Li-kun was going to return home. I had already suspected of course 

 that Sakura as was typical of her would only realize her feelings at 

 the last moment. Not that I want to say that she is... indecisive. 

 Sakura just has a hard time realizing her own feelings but you really 

 cannot fault her for that. It is just as I told her a short while ago. 

 Peoples hearts are hard to predict - even Eriol-kun said so. And 

 usually it is hardest to understand your own heart.

 	But back to what happened. Since Sakura was expected to come to 

 her realization a little late, I went and called her early. That was 

 when the first odd thing happened. I was actually going to tell her 

 about where she could find Li-kun but instead I only reached her 

 brother and Touya told me that she was already out...

 	Going back to practice, I had pretty much shrugged it off and 

 told myself that it didn't matter. If she managed on her own, all the 

 better, even though I would have liked to help. All I ever wanted to 

 be was a part of Sakura's life. Before Li-kun came along I used to 

 entertain the hope that maybe in the future, when her crush on Yukito 

 passed and we were both older, I might actually seize my chance and 

 tell her. But it became apparent that Sakura and Syaoran were meant 

 for each other and developed feelings that both were reluctant to 

 realize and admit to. But that day, when I thought for sure that it 

 would be Syaoran she would ultimately choose as her special person, I 

 had to realize that with all that I deemed to know about Sakura, a 

 person can neither predict someone's else hearts accordingly. I 

 learned that sometimes if you think you know someone else's heart, you 

 might end up surprised.

 	Back to events. It was near the end of our next practice session 

 that I noticed someone watching me. You know that prickling feeling at 

 the base of your neck? It got stronger and stronger and it filled me 

 with almost giddy anticipation although I couldn't fathom why. I had 

 ignored it for awhile, concentrating on the practice. However, it 

 became too much and I finally glanced towards the entrance and there 

 was Sakura.

 	I was so totally baffled I almost missed the next several notes. 

 I would have bet all my insurance - and that is after all plenty - 

 that she would have been with Li-kun at that moment. It was about the 

 time when his bus left for the airport after all... I don't think 

 Sakura ever managed to confuse like this before. I thought I knew my 

 best friend and secret love so well but her appearance had totally 

 thrown my belief for a loop.

 	But that was not the only surprise I should get. Approaching her 

 in the pause, I immediately realized that something was different 

 about her. Outwardly she seemed to be the same person but inside there 

 was something so completely different that it startled me for a 

 moment. I briefly entertained the notion that it might be Mirror or 

 Illusion but was pretty sure that I would notice that. It was still 

 Sakura, just... different... somehow.

 	Then Sakura told me she saw Syaoran off - as expected - and 

 confessed that she does love him. I couldn't help but feel a little 

 disappointed for a brief moment. When I saw her standing there, I 

 hadn't been able to help the thought, the hope that maybe... But that 

 was crazy, illogical, Sakura and Syaoran were meant for each other and 

 Sakura would be happy with him... Or so I immediately told myself 

 again.

 	That was when Sakura really shocked me. While she loves Syaoran, 

 there is a person that she loves equally but who needs her more. 

 Syaoran isn't necessary to give her life meaning and neither is she 

 for Syaoran's life. That is how she put it. Then she told me she 

 couldn't live without me, though, and asked me if I could live without 

 her.

 	Of course the question was silly, needed no answer and I believe 

 Sakura had not expected one. But when her words finally sank in... I 

 can't describe how I feel because I'm not sure if there are words 

 existing in any written or spoken language that properly can describe 

 my feelings in that moment and the ones that followed. I barely 

 managed to find my voice in order to respond, asking what exactly she 

 meant by that. Of course, the question was rhetorical. That spark of 

 hope at seeing Sakura standing there, watching me sing, had exploded 

 from a tiny star into a full-fledged super nova. The meaning of her 

 words had been all too clear, yet the emotions suddenly welling up 

 from deep inside me were overwhelming and hindered my thought process 

 a lot.

 	Sakura told me she wants me - ME - to be her special person and 

 gave me a teddy bear.

 	God, I was sure my heart would stop beating right there, frozen 

 in this moment of perfect bliss.

 	But it didn't, thankfully, because I would surely have regretted 

 if it did. Hearing these three words from Sakura, spoken honestly and 

 with clear conviction behind them was a gift I would cherish forever. 

 Oh, how I had longed for this moment. It hadn't mattered right then 

 that Sakura might be a little different and it still doesn't matter. 

 Nothing really mattered then and right now. Okaasan says I am 

 "deliriously happy" nowadays. But who can forbid me that? Sakura loves 

 me as much as I love her. Her beautiful, kind heart has chosen me to 

 claim that special place only reserved for one person. How can I not 

 be "deliriously happy" then?

 	It had been only later in the day that I found out exactly what 

 had made Sakura change her mind and what is so different about her. 

 The experience was quite shocking itself. Apparently Sakura had been 

 traveling back in time by capturing a hidden Clow Card. She hasn't 

 told me any details about the future she left yet and I won't pry. It 

 is painfully obvious that whatever dire reason she had for this 

 action, whatever had happened in the future, saddened her. It is in 

 her eyes. When she thinks I'm not watching her - what I do most of the 

 time anyway. There is something...haunted there. It pains me to know 

 that my dearest Sakura had to go through such hardships in her time 

 and would give everything to know how to take that pain away. But I 

 will let her decide when she wants to tell me everything. For now what 

 she told me that day at choir practice turns out to be the truth. She 

 is beginning to be happy, more her old self again. I can tell it will 

 be a long path though and by now everyone close to Sakura has noticed 

 some changes but only a few seem concerned. Sakura told me that she 

 could be happy now that she is with me. And she is happy. Genuinely 

 happy. And I am the one that makes her happy!

 	So, what does that mean for this diary? Well, it is not going to 

 be solely dedicated to my beloved anymore. Now that she has proposed 

 to share her life with me, I will make this diary a dedication to OUR 

 relationship. OUR. I still can hardly believe all this and if you ask 

 me now about my exact thoughts, I think I am still not ready to form 

 any remotely coherent ones.

 	It is becoming late, I will write in here some more at a later 

 point.

 

 ******************************

 

 May 6, 1994

 

 	Yes, I've said I write earlier but a lot of things happened. 

 Well, not that much but more like what happened has kept us very busy. 

 While I never was opposed to the idea of coming out I am surprised at 

 how fast it is happening. Interestingly neither Sakura's family nor my 

 mother were really surprised at finding out Sakura had chosen me 

 instead of Li-kun. I suspected at much but it still manages to make me 

 happy. The least I wished was to cause Sakura any more trouble. It is 

 apparently hard enough for her to deal with her time travel... aside 

 from complaining about having to go back to school and learn all that 

 boring stuff again! (she's so cute when she pouts!). No, the 

 transition seems not to be an easy one, especially on an emotional 

 level. Sakura is almost clingy ever since confessing to me. Not that I 

 mind, definitely not. But it worries me. It's almost like she expects 

 me to disappear any moment. By now, even without her telling me, I 

 become firmed in my belief that whatever happened in her time must 

 have included my and probably the others' deaths as well. My heart 

 aches at how much pain I sometimes seem in her eyes and since we are 

 sleeping over a lot I have woken more than once finding Sakura shaking 

 with a nightmare. I wish I could take them all away but that's one 

 thing I can't do. All there is left for me is to be there for the one 

 girl I love and help her forget about the trauma that has driven her 

 here and into my waiting arms.

 	Mind you, that sounds like she's a frightened wreck but that 

 isn't the impression I want to give you. Those moments are rare and 

 mostly private. Sakura is most comfortably opening up to me and that 

 display of trust makes me love her even more... if that is even 

 possible. Yet, the change is becoming obvious to anyone close to 

 Sakura. As much as she tries to "act her age", this Sakura IS far more 

 mature and the weight of her heavy past (or future, whatever way you 

 want to look at it) doesn't allow her to completely fall back into her 

 innocent self.

 	Do I love her less because of that? If you know me, you 

 shouldn't even be asking that question. Even if she's older mentally 

 and far from the innocent cheerleader that managed to capture my heart 

 within a second of meeting her, she is still Sakura. There is 

 something unique about her. Actually, there are many things unique 

 about her. Like her big heart that seems to be big enough to include 

 anyone who wants to have a part of it... and even those who don't. Or 

 her fierce determination when she gets an idea in her head. Right now 

 I am experiencing a whole new dimension of that determination all 

 focused on me. It often leaves me overwhelmed thinking alone that 

 Sakura's genki spirit will now always be focused on me and my needs. 

 She's constantly getting me things, asking me what I want to do when 

 all I really need is her. But Sakura is persistent about making me as 

 happy as possible. And I am as happy as possible. Really, I am.

 	It appears I have come a little off topic. I was talking about 

 her families reaction. Quite frankly if there had been any surprise, 

 it would have been on my part if they actually had been surprised. 

 Touya-san is always so observant and looks out for his sister. He 

 never liked Syaoran much for some reason. I always thought it might be 

 that on some level he wanted to keep Sakura close to him. Sometimes I 

 wish I had such a protective brother. However, he seemed rather 

 pleased after admitting to our relationship.

 	Sakura's father, Fujitaka, didn't seem overly surprised either. 

 He just smiled and said he is happy for us and that we will surely 

 take good care of each other. I suppose since he experienced the 

 affection between his wife and my mother, it must have been rather 

 hard even for me to hide my feelings - not that I tried very hard. 

 Both he and Sakura's brother seemed just a little surprised at the 

 suddenness though. Especially since it had been apparent lately that 

 Sakura would choose Li-kun... Neither of them asked about this though 

 or about Sakura's weird mood (she is a lot quieter these days).

 	Anyway, that leaves my mother. Well, Sakura is almost scared of 

 her now, I think. About the way she's going on about how happy she is 

 that we are in love and that we make such an adorable couple. Of 

 course, her older mind must have figured out what happened between her 

 and Nadeshiko by now but I must admit even I find my mother a little 

 intimidating at times when she speaks about her late love (especially 

 in association with Sakura's father)... and Okaasan is practically as 

 fond of Sakura as she is/was of her own mother.

 	Our families aren't the only ones that know though. Sakura's 

 public confession at choir was clear enough. Even if not everyone 

 heard what was said, within the days talk around school had managed to 

 make it pretty much clear to anyone. Rika, Chiharu and Naoko seemed a 

 little surprised but otherwise were more or less alright with it. I 

 think they are more baffled that Sakura's scores have become as high 

 as mine and Rika's...

 	Apart from that everything is fine. We cannot complain, despite 

 all those little things. I am sure, given time, Sakura will get over 

 her experiences and settle into her new life. It still warms my heart 

 to think that she felt obligated enough to choose me for that purpose 

 and not Syaoran. I don't doubt her one minute when she says she really 

 loves me. It's obvious in every action lately, there is no way someone 

 can play that. Besides, Sakura has always been a very honest person, I 

 am sure she wouldn't lie to me - or anyone - about such an important 

 matter. No, Sakura and I are happy and I intend to keep it that way, 

 forever if Sakura wants me to.

 

 ******************************

 

 May 20, 1994

 

 	We had our first real date today and it was a glorious event! We 

 hadn't had found time to actually do something like this until now. 

 Okay, if you read this you might say that we are just eleven... Normal 

 kids don't have dates at this age. True, I suppose. The thing is I am 

 quite aware of some of the other kids at school saying how mature I 

 often act and I won't argue with them there if they'd ever directly 

 ask me. That has nothing to do with arrogance. It is more a 

 good-natured confidence in my abilities. I have always had an 

 excellent learning ability. Okaasan says that sometimes she thinks I 

 have some sort of eidetic memory. I wouldn't go so far since then I 

 doubt I would have to study at all for some subjects. No, I have 

 always liked learning new things and ever since meeting Sakura I 

 wanted to learn even more to help this magnificent creature through 

 life. I realized quickly back then that for all her enigmatic 

 abilities she was often a tad bit... naïve (I really don't like that 

 word) and would need guidance in some areas and in others would need 

 to be sheltered. Like a beautiful but fragile flower that will die 

 quickly if not constantly kept in the right environment.

 	To shorten all that. I guess I have always been a little 

 precocious.

 	As for Sakura. Well, she isn't the innocent girl anymore anyone 

 knew. The other children have more or less gotten used to it but they 

 seem a little... "weird out" to quote Sakura herself. That was to be 

 expected too, though. No, given that in her mind Sakura was already 

 seven years older than me, I believe you can grant her the right to go 

 out on dates, right? I think she's having a harder time with some 

 things about being little again than she lets on. I mean, I can hardly 

 begin to comprehend what it has to feel like, suddenly being younger 

 again, with a full recollection of being almost an adult. Must be 

 really weird. I am helping her as much as I can and am amazed again 

 and again every day at Sakura's ability to let her self be loved but 

 also at giving back this love. I have never felt so... important 

 before in my life. Why it is true that I am probably one of the 

 smartest girls in my age class - Sakura not withstanding (but she has 

 seven years in advance of me, technically) -, I can hardly say that I 

 had much friends or other such social contact outside of occasional 

 choir practice before coming to Tomoeda and meeting Sakura.

 	Meeting Sakura has been a blessing and that is why I will be 

 eternally grateful and why I would never dream of rejecting her just 

 because she's... different now. My love is hers forever and always. 

 After all Rika-san is seeing someone older too (I have a suspicion 

 Sakura knows from the looks she gives her sometimes but she won't 

 tell), so why should it be different for me? Sakura is still Sakura. 

 Seven years of life experience and maturity have not really destroyed 

 what I love about her. Certainly not. There is a lot of sadness and 

 pain but it is dulling, I can tell, and that is bound to have some 

 effects on her personality. Like she's quieter, calmer, more serious. 

 However, I have witnessed enough moments already that show that Sakura 

 is still able to let go and simply enjoy the moment.

 	No, I won't... I can't love her any less. This is all a part of 

 Sakura now. Besides, the new level of maturity doesn't only have 

 negative effects. At times I actually find myself liking the older 

 Sakura a little more since we are now able to communicate on a higher 

 level. Not that she's suddenly become a genius but she certainly does 

 know a lot more about life in general as the Sakura before the fateful 

 day at choir practice. I will forever cherish her innocent self, yet I 

 know it is not completely lost. In time I am sure she will be a lot 

 like the old Sakura again. I'll take her any way she wants to be, that 

 is for sure.

 	But I've been getting away from the point. I actually wanted to 

 talk about the date! You see how much she is affecting me already, 

 normally I would not digress from the point that much. Not that I am 

 complaining, mind you.

 	Anyway, it was very beautiful. We had found ourselves a nice, 

 sheltered spot at our all time favorite King Penguin park. It had been 

 a warm, sunny day, perfect for a picnic for two (Sakura had to 

 literally threaten Kero not sneak in and disturb us). I think I must 

 have giggled like a little child with joy when Sakura proceeded to use 

 Flower and create a bed of Sakura blossoms for us. It was so 

 beautiful, so absolutely perfect!

 	We sat there for hours, talking or simply enjoying each others 

 company. Sakura seemed to have made it her special duty to make this 

 the perfect day for me. I am a little disappointed for not getting 

 much to do in return but seeing how happy Sakura was just relaxing, 

 being with me, it makes my heart flutter even now. For the first time 

 since her time travel I think I finally saw her completely at peace. 

 This is a very precious memory to me.

 	And then, as evening drew closer, Sakura somehow managed to find 

 the perfect ending. I still can't believe she did that! It was all so 

 amazing. I hadn't suspected anything when Sakura told me I had to hold 

 tight onto her so that she could show me a special gift. Needing no 

 reason to not comply with such a thrilling request, I was caught a 

 little off guard than Sakura called for Fly. I had never thought she 

 could carry me! (at least not that long) It was a little bit of a 

 strain for her, I could tell, but she managed. And if the sheer 

 excitement of being carried through the late evening sky hadn't been 

 enough, just guess where she set us down!

 	At the top of Tokyo Tower!

 	We sat there for almost an hour, watching the sunset. It was a 

 moment straight out of a picture... or maybe more like a famous 

 painting. Oh yes, it was a little cold up there but I hardly minded. 

 Not to mention that Sakura seemed to have the presence of mind to keep 

 up a little fire magic all the time (she really has gotten A LOT 

 better).

 	Once again I am not sure I can describe what exactly went 

 through me when, close to the end, Sakura whispered to me an 

 "Aishiteru" in a voice thick with emotion and followed that up with a 

 short but sensual kiss. There is too much that is still waging inside 

 of me like a hurricane and it is all too jumbled to put into words, 

 nor would words do any of it justice. However, I can tell you for sure 

 that if Sakura hadn't held me tightly the whole time, I am sure I 

 would have fallen off the support beam we had settled on.

 	I am still so... thrilled! I have been trying to get to sleep 

 for almost an hour now to no avail, so I decided to sit down and write 

 all this down now rather than tomorrow. However, I am still much too 

 excited. I wonder if I get any sleep tonight at all! Sakura is really 

 an unique experience and it gets even more special than you are the 

 single-most focus of her attention!

 	Dear Diary, I really AM the happiest girl in the world!

 

 ******************************

 

 April 5, 1997

 

 	It's been a long time since I wrote in here. Almost three years.

 	Oops.

 	I guess life has simply been too good for me to write down 

 anything. I have my tapes after all and all those wonderful memories 

 of three wonderful years with Sakura so far which are far more worth 

 than any recorded pictures could ever be. I can hardly believe it's 

 been that long. We are both in our second year of Junior High now. I 

 could tell you so many things now but I think I'd be sitting here all 

 night. Well, it's Friday but still...

 	Oh, who am I kidding? There is a reason after all I actually 

 remembered having that diary, I thought writing in here again would 

 actually help me calm my mind and get things into the right 

 perspective. You see, Sakura and I have reached a phase of our 

 relationship that probably has to come for any couple one time or 

 another. We had our first big fight just five days ago. God, I feel so 

 horrible. It was so dumb and unnecessary and... I just... don't know 

 what's gotten into me.

 	Maybe I should start from the beginning. I'm not sure where the 

 tension really began to build up but I believe it might have been 

 since we entered Junior High. There were just slight nuisances, 

 beginnings of something that seemed to bother Sakura greatly. Tomoeda 

 Junior High is a little different than the Elementary School... or it 

 is VERY different may be a better way to describe it. The teachers are 

 very strict as is the headmaster, the school prides itself with its 

 good image and tradition. That posed to be a problem for us. Back in 

 Elementary School everyone more or less took us for granted. We were 

 THE couple, really. Everyone found it cute and romantic that we were 

 together... well, mostly everyone. Now, now we have to be extremely 

 careful around whom we can trust to show feelings for the other that 

 are more than friendship. Within the first weeks at Tomoeda Junior 

 High we learned the hard way that Japanese society might tolerate a 

 cute crush between two young girls but if they turn out to be two 

 maturing young teenagers who openly show their love for each other, 

 then the alarm bells are ringing in some people's heads. It is a good 

 thing our families stand behind us and support our relationship 

 despite some of the harsh treatment we had to endure at the beginning. 

 I swear Okaasan was ready to sue the school, Touya-oniisan right 

 behind her.

 	Things settled down eventually and the initial uproar has blown 

 over. Most people know about us but choose to ignore it. There are 

 some rare people who actually try to support us - if not officially 

 than at least in small actions (for example: giving leeway in the way 

 of discipline or maybe giving a higher grade when one of us was 

 in-between). So, not all people there are traditional man in business 

 suits who'd rather improve their self-image than care for their 

 students, but a lot of them are. And not only once had we played with 

 the tempting thought of transfer. There were enough - more modern and 

 open-minded - schools in the area and both of us were smart enough; 

 money wasn't an issue either.

 	I think it's a bit of defiance probably. Not too mention all of 

 our friends are there, even Rika who really could have gotten into a 

 better school. But I can understand her well enough after finally 

 figuring out that she is seeing Terada-sensei (who had - not so 

 surprisingly - also transferred to Junior High, leaving me wondering 

 if Rika followed him or he followed her!). That was a bit of a shock 

 at first but at the moment I guess we are sitting in the same boat, 

 sort of, and neither of us is keen on budging. Society can be cruel 

 sometimes, especially the traditional-bound Japanese one. While 

 Western influences had lessened that, there still were a lot of old 

 families with a lot of influence.

 	But enough about that. It has little do with the current dilemma 

 since most of the drama had been in the beginning. I just mentioned it 

 because some of it might have affected Sakura more than I initially 

 thought. Why I still can't fathom but... Well, I hoped it would make 

 more sense writing it down, however, it seems I am back to where I 

 started from.

 	The confrontation had been coming a long way, I guess, and yet I 

 felt so terrible about it. I had noticed that Sakura is spending more 

 and more time by herself, only with Kerberos (and I think Yue too but 

 I can't be sure). I tried to talk to her about it but she's always 

 saying the same thing. "I'm fine, Tomo-chan, don't worry about me." 

 Somehow this feels a little like déjà vu. I used to say things like 

 that often when we were just innocent children. It irked me a little 

 but nevertheless I respected Sakura's privacy. She is after all a lot 

 older than me (in her mind at least) and sometimes she just gets 

 frustrated with being young again. You would think it'd be a blessing 

 for anyone, yet living it is probably a lot different, I guess. She 

 won't tell me much about it... or everything concerning the time 

 travel that brought her ultimately into my arms. Which brings us back 

 to the root of the problem.

 	At first I could ignore all of this, believing it must be too 

 painful to remember or to talk about and Sakura doesn't want to worry 

 me. Then, about half a year ago, a little after my fourteenth 

 birthday, she started to spend all those hours alone in her room at 

 her house (where she barely ever is anymore, at least not alone). I am 

 pretty sure it has something to do with the cards and in this regard 

 probably with Time. I remember that Kero lectured Sakura again and 

 again about consequences for capturing and using Time but my 

 girlfriend never seemed to be overly concerned. And, as I said 

 already, she won't tell me any details whenever I ask.

 	Everything came to a climax at the beginning of the week. It was 

 April 1, start of the new grade and Sakura's birthday. I had spent 

 practically the whole weekend preparing a special treatment just for 

 my special girlfriend. I had hoped that would help relax her a little 

 and maybe she'd open up to me. Not that I would have pressed.

 	I had everything set, Okaasan was on a business trip and I had 

 sent most of the serving stuff home. I told Sakura to come over after 

 her club practice (she's still doing cheerleading but most of it 

 half-heartedly, she actually has joined the Choir club so that we 

 could spent even more time together). And so I sat there, alone in the 

 big house and waited for Sakura.

 	Sakura didn't come.

 	At first I became worried that something might have happened so 

 I called her on our private phones, only to discover that Sakura had 

 turned off hers, something I discovered she was almost always doing 

 when working with the cards. I considered going over and looking for 

 myself but something in me was rebelling and refused to just chase 

 after my errand girlfriend. A feeling rather new and unusual for me. I 

 usually tended to defend Sakura's actions even if I should by all 

 standards be angry with some. For me Sakura's happiness had always 

 been valued higher than anyone else's - including my own. Ironically 

 enough, thinking about it now, the anger might be a result of Sakura's 

 own doing. The brunette was so adamant about our relationship that she 

 had practically made me speak my mind more often, whenever something 

 is bothering me or I just need to talk to her, she made it very clear, 

 that she will always be there for me, insisting for me to confide in 

 her always.

 	I was still worried but I knew that if something happened to 

 Sakura I would know it. I had known in my heart if she was in danger. 

 Besides, she'd never turn off that phone other than for her magical 

 studies that she was so secretive about. So I waited, and Sakura 

 didn't come.

 	Next morning I confronted her before school. Turns out she 

 "forgot"! She forgot about her own private birthday party with her 

 girlfriend?! I might have bought that from the innocent ten-year old 

 before the whole time travel incident but not from her, not now. And 

 then she had the audacity to brush me off with a feeble apology that 

 she "is not feeling well".

 	To quote Sakura: Hoe?

 	Sakura doesn't just simply feel "not well". My girlfriend is the 

 healthiest girl I know, really. She's so full of energy that she's 

 almost bursting most of the time. While it has been much more reserved 

 since her change it is still there. It's something so typical Sakura 

 that you can't miss it after having seen it once.

 	And what shocked me more and is still puzzling me is that look 

 she gave me. Sakura almost seemed scared, not off me, but maybe 

 something having to do with me. And that scared me in return. Having 

 Sakura look so... lost... and as if the devil was chasing her (I 

 really can't describe it any better) was disconcerting to say the 

 least.

 	All throughout the day and the next morning almost no word had 

 been spoken between us. I think that was the longest ever since we've 

 been together and not separated by vacation or other things. And I 

 swear the whole school seemed to have picked up on it. Even some of 

 the teachers who usually loved to focus their attention on us made a 

 point not to.

 	Tuesday afternoon I finally had enough. I was confused about all 

 of this but I was also feeling uncharacteristically angry. I wanted to 

 know what was going on. I didn't see what I could have done wrong and 

 Sakura would neither speak up on her own or come over as she usually 

 did. And that devastating silence was straining my nerves. So then, 

 finally, I went over to the Kinomoto house and practically marched 

 into her room (the look on Touya's face would have been priceless if I 

 hadn't been in such a foul mood).

 	I had secretly hoped to find Sakura sitting on her desk, working 

 with her cards or something like that. That way I would have at least 

 had somewhere to start but that didn't stop or slow me down any. I 

 think, analyzing it now, most of my feelings weren't so much anger as 

 they were frustration, frustration fueled by worry and the uncertainty 

 of what was going on with my girlfriend. She is the most important 

 thing in my life and I think I deserve to know what is going on in her 

 life. She told me pretty much the same after all. Doesn't she trust me 

 with this? I was... still am a little hurt about that. Maybe it's 

 unfair to feel like that but I really can't help it at the moment.

 	When I told her all that, told her that I wanted to know what 

 was going on, why she was shutting me out from her magical studies and 

 why she never told me about the future. I wanted to know, even if it 

 might not be pleasant. I am sure she was trying to protect me in some 

 way and I am grateful for that, but I am also still her girlfriend and 

 couldn't just stand by letting Sakura worry herself all on her own.

 	I am still mulling over her response. Sakura actually apologized 

 for being so absent lately and that she was doing very important 

 things that had to be taken care off. And that there were some things 

 she couldn't tell me yet... I swear I could hear the "I tell you if 

 you are older" behind the words (again déjà vu) and that really leaves 

 me puzzled. Sakura rarely makes comments likes that or treats anyone 

 as if she is really those seven years older. And it's not just an act 

 but rather genuine from what I can tell.

 	Before I could come up with any sort of response she had gently 

 but persistently made me leave, saying she had some things to do, 

 alone, and that right now she couldn't be distracted. And THAT really 

 hurt. It felt like Sakura was purposefully trying to put distance 

 between us. As if she was afraid that something might happen if we 

 were too close right now.

 	I have the very distinct feeling that I am missing something 

 obvious here but I just can't put my finger on it.

 	This had been about three days ago and apart from sporadic talk 

 in school, there had been a deep wedge between us and I simply felt 

 terrible about it. Logically seen there was no reason for me to feel 

 at fault but this state was becoming unbearable. Being so close to my 

 one and true love and yet so far away... I feel like I am going to 

 explode any moment now!

 	No, I didn't really feel at fault. However, I felt extremely 

 worried and a little ashamed at my reaction. After all everyone had 

 their secrets, so why should Sakura be an exception. How could I know 

 that with my intense reaction I might have even made it worse than it 

 actually was? Also she had sacrificed so much by traveling back in 

 time, she gave up Syaoran to be with me. I should by all means be 

 thankful.

 	Yet, the fact remained that I was worried. For Sakura and for 

 us. I feel very lucky to have such a fierce protector, nevertheless 

 this had reached a point where I felt utterly excluded from things. 

 Doesn't she understand that seeing her worried and in pain, pains me 

 equally? How can she expect by shutting me out not to make me worry? I 

 have to know what is going on and I will...

 	Yes, my decision is made. Tomorrow I will go over and find out 

 what all this is about. I might not like it but that should be for me 

 to decide. I wanted my girlfriend back, all the pros and cons about 

 her, nothing less. I will apologize for being so angry but I will also 

 make sure that she knows that I am worried about her and that all I 

 want to do is help her. We have always been together through so many 

 things. The school problems at the beginning of last year hadn't 

 managed to drive a wedge between us, so I won't let this thing 

 (whatever it is) either. Sakura has to realize that and I will make 

 her realize it!

 	Reading back over that last paragraph, I think I sound rather 

 scary... Hah, I feel a lot better now. Tomorrow I will make sure to 

 fix whatever is burdening our relationship or at least to share that 

 burden with Sakura. Thanks, Diary, sometimes it's nice to have 

 somewhere to write all this down and analyze your thoughts. That 

 really helped me today.

 

 ******************************

 

 April 7, 1997

 

 	Some time ago, someone - I am not sure who - said to me that too 

 much wisdom, too much knowledge poisons the mind. It sounded like the 

 words of a wise man then and even more so now. I wonder if I would 

 have been better off listening to them...

 	Okay, that sounds very gloomy. There is enough motivation for 

 that though. Thinking my dearest Sakura had to go through all... 

 this... terrible... things. I had wanted to know. Now I knew and I 

 feel a certain numbness and a deep sadness coming from that knowledge.

 	But I am not making much sense to you, do I? So I better start 

 from the beginning.

 	My decision made I had wanted to go over early to Sakura and 

 make her tell me about all that bothered her lately. That is where I 

 got my first surprise, finding the demure and rather meek-looking 

 brunette at my doorstep, appearing for all it was worth like a 

 chastened child. I immediately felt sick in my heart, knowing that I 

 was probably one of the main reasons for her state. After writing my 

 thoughts down, I had lain awake for some time, regret beginning to 

 plague me. Regret for some of the harsh words traded and the 

 accusation I had so blindly uttered. I knew that something was 

 troubling Sakura and that she just wanted to shield me from it. 

 Certainly I hadn't done her a favor with my explosion of temper, as 

 rare as it was.

 	Therefore I was quick to assure her that I wasn't at all angry 

 with her anymore when she practically begged for forgiveness. I felt 

 so terrible that moment, seeing her so lost and obviously torn inside. 

 How could I have ever even thought that she doesn't trust me? The 

 appearance she gave yesterday morning spoke more than the revelation 

 of any secret how devoted she is to me, how much she depends on my 

 presence and love.

 	After we had calmed down a little, Sakura asked me if I still 

 wanted to know. She revealed that it might not make a difference 

 anymore soon and she probably couldn't shield me from what was to 

 come. As gentle as possible I made her see that I wanted to know 

 EVERYTHING that was going on in her life. We were a couple, and 

 couples share such things, they share everything. We were so close 

 already and despite feeling like dirt at the moment, I hated to not 

 being able to care for my Sakura properly, not knowing what it was 

 that bothered her.

 	Sakura just smiled at me a little sadly but with more fondness 

 and love I had seen her do in a long while. And then she told me. 

 Kami, yes, she told me... everything! I sat there just listening, numb 

 with shock over some of the things that were revealed to me that very 

 moment.

 	I am not sure I should write all this down, I am not sure I even 

 can. However, I feel that if someone ever reads this, they deserve to 

 know about what that innocent, gentle creature had to go through, what 

 kind of future she left behind by risking so much to come here and set 

 things right. Set things right mostly for me. I don't think I really 

 deserve that, I feel insignificant compared to Sakura's big heart. She 

 had made clear to me that what she did wasn't done primarily in order 

 to save the world from the terrible future she had witnessed but in 

 the first place it was because of me. Her wish while confronting Time 

 wasn't about setting things right for the world, that had only been in 

 the back of her mind. Her sole motivation was for me and the love she 

 felt she owed me. It's all so amazing and hard to believe, how can I 

 even hope to compare to that with my meager devotion?

 	Still, I wanted to tell you of what happened in that future 

 Sakura left and might as well do so. Everything started out as 

 normally as you may expect. Sakura and Syaoran were happy. All three 

 of us had stuck together all the way up to and through High School. It 

 was after graduation that IT happened. No one on Earth at that time 

 truly knew what exactly caused it, where the malevolent creature came 

 from. However, when She began to emerge and reign terror on the cities 

 of the planet it was like the very definition of hell, many brave 

 warriors and magicians fell to Her infinite seeming power. In the 

 matter of a few month the world became a place darker than night, 

 filled with death and despair.

 	In Greek mythology there is a tale about a box that the first 

 woman on Earth opened because she was curious. This box harbored all 

 of the humanity's darker emotion. Fear, jealousy, hate, greed, bigotry 

 (you can continue that list endlessly). The woman was named Pandora 

 and the box had become known as Pandora's Box. I am not sure whether 

 it is a coincidence, a connection or just the perverted humor of fate 

 but the creature that had wrecked havoc in Sakura's future had been 

 aptly named Pandora as well.

 	The little Sakura described about her still sent shivers down my 

 spine, thinking about the emotions alone I saw in her normally vivid 

 and cheerful eyes and heard in her soft, whispered tones. Fear. There 

 was fear. Not anger or loathing or rage at the unbelievable things 

 that evil creature had done to her and Earth. Those emotions were 

 there too, but they were insignificant compared to the fear and the 

 terror emitting from Sakura speaking of her experience. Eriol said 

 that Sakura was the strongest mage on Earth now and to just think 

 about something or someone evoking such strong reactions from my 

 beloved is... unsettling doesn't even begin to describe it.

 	Pandora had turned Earth into a world of terror and fear and 

 there was no one able to stop her path of destruction. Sakura 

 described her as something very old, totally incapable of having 

 positive emotion. Her whole being was a reflection, the epitome of any 

 dark emotion you could come up with. Her whole purpose was to turn 

 everything into oblivion in the most painful, torturous way possible. 

 Her powers were so massive that compared to her Sakura's own seemed 

 like comparing an ant with an elephant.

 	And the worst part is, Sakura steadfastly believes that the same 

 thing might happen again very soon if she doesn't do something about 

 it in advance.

 	That is what she has been doing the last months, using the cards 

 to predict the future and possible chances to prevent the fate that 

 had befallen her own time from happening here. I cried for Sakura's 

 grief at her description at how Pandora had come for her as well and 

 how she had to watch first Syaoran's death and then my own. She 

 visibly relieved that moment and it was a torturing experience. I 

 realized then that it must have been that moment that Sakura finally 

 realized my feelings and that still makes me choke back an angry sob. 

 That is not how I would have wanted Sakura to find out. I know she was 

 caring so much for all those close to her and that she could never 

 live with my death. That is why I had sworn to myself that even if 

 Sakura ended up with Syaoran and we drifted apart, I wouldn't do 

 anything rash and stupid. I know I would just make Sakura sad and hate 

 herself and that is a thought I cannot stand.

 	I had to hold and reassure her for almost half an hour before 

 she managed to calm down. I smoothed the embarrassment Sakura felt at 

 having broken down like that immediately, making sure that she knows I 

 would and will never do anything like this on purpose. Not that I have 

 a reason now but it was very important at that moment to soothe those 

 fears.

 	I wasn't quite sure what to do or say to soothe her fears about 

 Pandora though. Sakura hadn't even done more when describing 

 superficially what happened and I can tell where is a lot still left 

 untold (which right now really isn't much of a bad thing). Just from 

 watching how terrified the usually brave and determined girl was of 

 that evil creature put me at a loss for words. What could little, 

 unimportant me do after all? All I managed was that weak reminder of 

 her magic phrase again. Everything would surely be alright. Yeah sure, 

 I am quite sure I had said the same thing in her future and I know now 

 that it hadn't helped a tiny bit.

 	Thinking along these lines I was rather surprised to find Sakura 

 looking at me with a serious expression, a flicker of that 

 breathtaking determination in her eyes. Then she said the absolutely 

 sweetest thing. That this phrase held little meaning without me there. 

 I breathed life into the phrase, gave it a purpose, a direction. That 

 as long as I was there that everything WILL always be alright. And 

 that because of me and us being together, my love fueling her, pushing 

 me onward, she might be able to change the future and make it better 

 for us. That is why she had pushed herself so hardly lately, to 

 prevent all this from happening. For me.

 	ME.

 	Wow.

 	My expression must have been priceless that moment. But Sakura 

 didn't express her obviously humor, just a fond, loving smile, 

 followed by a kiss so sensual and utterly devouring I felt like I was 

 being sucked right into her. My body is still shaking from the 

 feelings coursing through me. I could feel all the pent up 

 frustrations of the last months but also all the love she felt for me. 

 I realized then that until that moment that as much as I thought I 

 knew how lucky I was, how much Sakura loved me and was willing to give 

 for me, I never had completely understood.

 	I am not sure if we can weather that storm. I really am not as 

 much as I wish to fuel myself but... I will have faith in Sakura and 

 if she wishes me to be by her side, supporting her as much as I can, 

 then I will. I will believe in my angel, my savior. If anyone can do 

 it, she can.

 

 THE END (for now)

 

 Author's Notes

 

 Okay, this might seem a little cut off and doesn't explain everything, 

 probably only serves to open up more questions. But that was wholly 

 intended that way. I think I revealed already more than I wanted at 

 that point anyway.

 This is going to be part of a bigger project, a background story so to 

 say but you can read it as a stand alone as well (I hope). There will 

 be one more installment (probably featuring two parts) that will tie 

 things up for the background story and Sakura and Tomoyo's 

 involvement. Seeing that Maia seems to have a good inspiration streak 

 right now, you may see it sooner than you think.

 Don't worry Sailormoon fans as I said this will tie into a bigger 

 project and you will soon get to see something of it (always assuming 

 Maia complies).

 

 Some things to clear up.

 First off, I changed a tiny amount of things in "The Different Path". 

 No real revision but more little details that are necessary. I am a 

 perfectionist than writing, especially concerning facts like a working 

 timeline that makes sense. I realized that the birth year given for 

 Tomoyo on her tombstone has actually to be one year earlier or she'll 

 end up younger than Sakura. Why this might be possible, it doesn't 

 work out for the timeline of the greater project. That's really a