Hi!

 Words written like _this_ are in Italics.

 This is kind of an epilogue to the trilogy Hotaru's Pain. It makes 

 more sense if you read that one first, but what do I care about 

 what you do. I kinda like this story.

 

 

 	Letters from Desolation Row

 	 By the Ghost of 'lectricity

 

 

  Prologue

  Tangled up in Blue

 

 So now I'm goin' back again

 Got to get to her somehow

 We always did feel the same

 We just saw it from a different point of view

 

 Bob Dylan

 

 

  Part 1

  Desolation Row

 

   A young woman was sitting under a massive tree atop a hill. It 

 was a strong and a very old tree; it must have stood there for 

 ages. The leaves of the mighty tree were filtering the warm 

 sunlight as it shone down in golden blots upon the woman. A warm 

 summer breeze was blowing up the hill, tangling the woman's black 

 hair with little tongues of air licking past her face. Tufts of her 

 hair were swirled about and danced around her neck while the wind 

 relieved a bit of the heat of the summer afternoon.

  In the valley below the hill, spread before the woman, lay the 

 city of Crystal Tokyo, home of Neo Queen Serenity and King Endymion 

 - and their daughter.

  The woman looked about twenty, twenty-five at best. As young as 

 her body seemed, her eyes told a whole different story. Her dark 

 jewels lost the glow of youth a long time ago. Her eyes were that 

 of an old woman, a woman who has seen generations go by, who has 

 seen lives of people that grew close to her wither away like the 

 leaves of this mighty tree do every year. A woman who has witnessed 

 horrors other people never dare to think of, let alone imagine 

 them.

  The only one who could still smile genuinely after all those years 

 was the queen. And how couldn't she... She had someone to love her, 

 someone as immortal as they all were. And she had a beautiful 

 daughter.

  Oh, had she have never met her, how different her life would be. 

 She would have died long ago, the torture of immortality would have 

 been spared to her. Her loneliness would have lasted only a 

 lifetime, her object of desire would have stayed hidden from her 

 eyes. But now she must face eternity alone, with her princess just 

 within reach, yet so unattainable. 

  People regarded them as angels, avatars, or something similar yet 

 she was already broken, long before the sky will ever open for her. 

 Forsaken she was sinking beneath the flood of tears that dried out 

 centuries ago.

  How she wished she could be as strong as this tree was. But she 

 wasn't. She was weak. Who would want someone as weak as her? Why 

 does a princess want someone as weak as her? 

 

 

  Part 2

  Blood in my Eyes

 

  A young woman was heading up a hill to the north of Crystal Tokyo. 

 The hill was off grounds for the citizens of Crystal Tokyo. The 

 hill was off grounds even for the members of the Royal Family and 

 the Senshi. The hill had a concentrated amount of negative energy. 

 Many fatal accidents happened here in the recent past, the few 

 suicides that were committed in this city of angels were committed 

 here.

  The hot summer afternoon was already turning into evening but the 

 heat was still unbearable. The hands and knees of the young woman 

 were bleeding as she fell to the ground more than once - the heat 

 and the negative karma taking their toll. And yet she continued 

 walking the path that led her to the top. For someone was waiting 

 at the top. Someone who has been waiting there for a long time.

  Once she had already walked this path in vain. The one atop the 

 hill sent her away... But why? They had sworn each other love. But 

 that was a long time ago for the one atop the hill. Did she tire of 

 waiting? But why is she still up there then? It just doesn't make 

 sense...

  The young woman's eyes filled with tears each time she thought 

 about walking this path down alone _again_. But this time the dark 

 beauty on the hill had a promise to keep. She smiled at how easily 

 and without thinking she gave away that promise. She couldn't help 

 but wonder if she regrets that promise now. Why was it so simple 

 then and why is it so hard now? If she walks this path down alone, 

 this time she'll at least know why. Although she doubted she'd ever 

 get over it.

  Her feet were hurting tremendously, her knees were bleeding as 

 well as her hands. The sweat from her forehead was dripping into 

 her eyes, already sore from her crying. She needed a rest badly. 

 She wanted to stop right then and there but something drove her on.

  _Again_. She fell to the rocky ground again. Leaving some blood 

 and her wish to stop behind she rose to her feet and continued her 

 journey through the thorns. For if there was one thing she ever 

 learned from her mother it was to have faith in love. And to fight 

 for love. Because love _will_ find a way.

 

 

  Part 3

  Shot of Love

 

  There she is. She just scaled the crest and now she's standing 

 there as if stricken by lightning. I knew she'd come. That spoiled 

 brat. Can't she understand there are certain things she cannot 

 have? As soon as I heard she went back I knew she'd come sooner or 

 later. When I woke up this morning with this new memories inside my 

 head it was as clear as day to me. And the promise. The promise she 

 forced out of my 20th century self. But if I'm honest I have to 

 admit that she didn't force it. She couldn't do that. She's too 

 good to do that. If I had felt in any way unsure about it she 

 wouldn't pursue it further. I was so naive then. Then she was only 

 my lover. Now she's the princess.

  She's still standing there. Watching me. Watching me watching her 

 watching me. Her white royal gown with the golden rings over her 

 chest. The wind is playing with her pigtails and the ends of her 

 dress. Her pigtails are slightly different than her mother's. They 

 are a bit puffier at their base and reach only to her knees at 

 best. But basically the same impossible hairstyle only the two 

 manage to pull off without looking silly. Her arms are hanging 

 helplessly at her sides, the golden rings over her chest are being 

 lifted and dropped by her heavy breathing. But something is wrong. 

 I didn't notice it at first - I admit that her sight entranced me. 

 Her dress is stained with blood, her eyes are red. Her hair is in a 

 mess, the golden rings aren't perfectly in place... But actually 

 they never are. She is probably the messiest princess there ever 

 was.

  And yet she's so graceful - a sight to behold.

  Now she has finally overcome the fear and she's walking up to me. 

 Slowly and unsure. The path leading to the top is rocky, but up her 

 grass is growing. I stand up; she's right in front of me. How long 

 will she be able to meet my gaze like that? Not even a second. She 

 fell down on her knees and now her deep crimson eyes full of tears 

 are looking anxiously up into mine. I have to be strong - for her.

  "I'll keep my promise... I do still love you." Cool and collected. 

 I'm sorry... "But that doesn't matter. You mustn't love me!"

  "Wha- What are you saying?"

  "You will become the Queen of Crystal Tokyo one day. You have 

 obligations too keep. For one thing you have to have heirs."

  "I don't care if... if our love is fruitless."

  "No! You are already spoken for. Your marriage date with Prince 

 Helios is all but set!"

  "That's not true! I don't love him!"

  Can't she understand? I sit down in front of her, her eyes still 

 fixed on mine. "You are the future queen! You cannot love another 

 woman." This was the final blow. Needless to say I stressed each 

 word to make sure she'd understand. Now it's over. I always thought 

 I'd be relieved when I finally close this book. Anyway, now I can 

 go on with my life and find myself a girl with pink pigtails to 

 remind me of her. Maybe I'll even manage to love her through the 

 course of time.

  Her face convulsed in a childlike manner when she heard these 

 words and she slumped down into my lap. I feel the fabric of my 

 dress soaking up her tears. I feel her heavy ragged breathing 

 against it. I can _feel_ her... For the first time in almost a 

 thousand years I can feel her again. I haven't realized how much I 

 missed the feeling of her hair between my fingers. I take a deep 

 breath to inhale her calming scent. Just like I remember it.

  She's unlike any other person I ever met. I fail every time I try 

 to describe her. Angel. That is the only word that comes close. Yet 

 it doesn't touch her essence. It only manages to scratch the 

 surface. She's so much more.

  I can hear her words, but they come to me from a distance.

  "But I do love you. And I couldn't live without your love..."

  "Why? Why don't you just let go?"

  I can feel her arms tighten around my waist as she speaks into my 

 dress.

  "I love you Hotaru-chan... I love you, I want to marry you, I want 

 to spend the rest of eternity with you."

  At this point she raises her head and looks into my eyes. And when 

 is see her eyes now - for the first time so clearly - I know she 

 didn't lie. If I would send her away she would wither away like a 

 flower without water. She needs love as much as other people need 

 air.

  Now I understand.

 

 

  Epilogue

  Series of Dreams

 

  "ChibiUsa, how is this possible?"

  ChibiUsa. Nobody except her calls me that any more. I guess I'm 

 not that chibi any more.

  "Sit down over here, ChibiUsa." She steers me into that oversized 

 armchair we sometimes spend the evening cuddling in. She sits down 

 opposite to me on a chair and pierces her eyes into mine.

  "Listen carefully, ChibiUsa. You are a woman. I am a woman. You 

 can't possibly be pregnant from me." She treats me as if I had some 

 kind of a disease or something. But she never doubts my loyalty to 

 her.

  "I think it was the Ginzuishu."

  "...I don't understand." Of course she doesn't, I can see it in 

 her eyes. She's so cute when she doesn't understand.

  "A few weeks ago it was glowing slightly when I woke up in the 

 morning. It was so subtle that I didn't know if it was for real or 

 were my eyes just playing tricks on me. I'm sure it happened that 

 night." A few moment pass before a tear trickles down her face. A 

 tear of joy surely because she's smiling. She reaches out her left 

 hand and touches my cheek. Oh, I didn't know I was crying also. You 

 always do that to me. Around you I always forget about myself. She 

 sits down beside me in our armchair and kisses my bare shoulder.

  "Hotaru-chan, I'm already pregnant. You don't have to make 

 passionate love to me."

  "I love you, ChibiUsa."

  "I love you too, Hotaru."

 

 

 

 The End

 

 

 The titles for each part are titles of Bob Dylan songs. I don't own 

 the copyright to them as well as I don't own the copyright for 

 Sailor Moon.

 

 Peter Dobaj

 The Ghost of 'lectricity

 lectricity@email.si