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author | Robert McIntyre <rlm@mit.edu> |
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date | Tue, 22 Jun 2010 13:42:35 -0400 |
parents | fc00894c1d4a |
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2 Author’s Notes: This is a Saint Tail story from Seira Mimori’s3 perspective. I’ve been wanting to deal with her thoughts on things4 for quite a while now. This isn’t the story I’d intended to write,5 but I’m happy with it. ^-^ Now if I can ever write a story about6 Seira & Meimi when they’re older, I’ll be happy. ^^;;9 A Thief in the Night10 by Amazoness Duo11 amazonessduo@hotmail.com14 It’s been such a long night. I should be sleeping right now, but I15 can’t. So here I am, Lord. Your loyal servant, Seira. I know I should16 be in bed. I have classes tomorrow and I promised Sister Abbess that17 I would help her sweep the grounds. But for some reason, I can’t18 sleep tonight. Whenever I close my eyes, I see her. I can’t put her19 out of my mind long enough to fade into a blissful sleep. It’s like20 her image has been burned into my eyelids. I toss and turn, seeing21 her smile. I hug my pillow tightly, wishing it were her there with me22 to qualm my waking nightmares. But I know she’s far away, having23 entirely different thoughts before passing into a deep slumber.25 And it’s a well deserved sleep. She has done your will, my Lord.26 She’s granted another person your protection by helping them as the27 mysterious thief, Saint Tail. So she can sleep the sleep of the just.28 Yet I only find myself caught in my blankets like a net, her voice29 whispering in my ear with every breeze that brushes past my window.30 I’m the one who convinced her to be Saint Tail. I send the hopes and31 prayers of those who have been wronged unto her. And because she32 trusts me, because she’s my friend, she will do anything she can to33 fulfil those wishes. All I can do is wait here for her, praying to34 you that she will be safe, wishing I could be there with her. But35 that is her role. As I have my own.37 So I am praying to you tonight, the moon sailing high above as I do,38 alone in the church. I pray not to get rid of the feelings inside of39 me, because I can’t imagine living without the love I feel for Meimi.40 I pray instead to help quell my chaotic thoughts, to soothe the41 stormy sea inside of me. So that I can try to find some tranquility42 in this endless night.44 The rest of the nuns are already asleep. They don’t come here this45 late at night. But I’m here almost every night. I feel safer here. I46 don’t have to be so alone in my thoughts here because of you. Other47 girls my age are listening to music idols or wanting to get into the48 latest trend. I spend most of my free time at the church, whether49 thinking or praying, speaking to you or listening to those whose50 hearts are heavy. Most of the students already call me Sister Seira51 even though I’m not officially a nun yet. That will have to wait52 until after high school. But I’m glad that they trust me as one53 already. I guess they see me around the church enough to believe I54 am.56 It’s so quiet here at night. So peaceful. I may not be a thief, but57 I do love the night as much as Meimi. Enveloped in inky darkness,58 it’s not the cacophony of confusion that daylight brings. I feel so59 out of place, nothing like the other girls. They don’t see me as one60 of them. I might as well already be a nun in their minds, one of the61 many who teach at the school. I don’t understand what they’re talking62 about half the time. I can only smile and nod and pretend I have some63 vague idea of what’s going on. During the day, there are so many64 distractions, so many confusing things. At night, I can finally try65 to unravel the knots in my heart. I can sit here and think, trying to66 make sense of my confused soul.68 Meimi. She is what confuses me the most. Yet she is the one truth I69 can hold onto. She’s who I understand better than anyone. She’s70 energetic and emotional and altogether too flighty. But that’s part71 of her charm. She gets so confused about herself sometimes. I think I72 understand her better than she does herself. But that’s just because73 she hasn’t taken the time to try to find out what she’s like. She’s74 always busy with other things, her thoughts elsewhere. My thoughts75 are always inexorably drawn to her. I want to know everything about76 her. I want to immerse myself in all that is her. So when she likes77 something, I’ll try to find out all I can about it. Whether it’s a78 band or a movie star or some type of stuffed animal, I’ll spend my79 free time digging up all the information I can on it. Maybe it’s my80 way of being closer to her. I want to understand her heart and soul.81 Everything that makes her who she is.83 Meimi’s escapades as Saint Tail was another way I could be closer to84 her. She has always been so amazing. Athletic, talented, smart. I85 used to clap until my hands ached when she would show me magic tricks86 as a child. The magician and the nun. What an odd pair we must have87 made as children. What an odd pair we must still make. But I wouldn’t88 have it any other way. So I thank you for that, for letting me find89 Meimi. I’ve spent so long watching her, fascinated by what I saw. It90 was only a matter of time before I found a way to put her talents to91 use.93 Everyone suffers. You learn that in the church. But suffering is94 part of life. All the same, I want to end that suffering. But there95 wasn’t anything I could do on my own. People would come to me with96 their problems and all I could do was listen and pray for them. Until97 I finally found out how they could truly receive God’s protection. It98 didn’t take long to talk Meimi into it. I know all the right buttons99 to push with her, so I knew she’d do it before I even asked. I know I100 probably shouldn’t have, but I believe some things are justified in101 helping people. Even some deceit and trickery. Otherwise I wouldn’t102 have teamed up with a magician and thief to grant people your103 protection. Sometimes you have to do what you can to help people,104 even if it is a little underhanded.106 But I would be lying if I said those were my only reasons for107 recruiting her as Saint Tail. I wanted something to share with her,108 something that was ours and ours alone. A little secret we could109 share, times we could sneak away together like lovers to whisper110 about things no one else would ever hear. So in a way, this is my111 love life. Standing in a church at midnight as I await my love to112 come rushing in to pray with me and then run off to steal something113 back from someone. Though I’m sure she doesn’t see it that way. I114 blush faintly at all these thoughts rushing through my head, seeing115 her once again vividly in my mind.117 Saint Tail is our little secret. The one thing that we can share118 away from the rest of the world. Something we can do together, just119 the two of us. It makes me feel closer to her. It lets me have120 something of her that no one else can have. But I don’t know how much121 longer that can last. Her game of cat and mouse with Asuka Jr.122 concerns me. If he finds out who she is, our little secret will be123 out in the open. Our time together in the middle of the night will124 end. I’ll no longer be blessed with her midnight visits. And I don’t125 want to lose all of that. It’s too important to me. But it’s getting126 more dangerous. I keep warning her about letting him find out, but127 she keeps wavering. I think she loves the chase. Having him run after128 her, spending all of his time and effort on her. But he doesn’t care129 for her. He only cares about Saint Tail. He’s chasing Saint Tail,130 scorning Meimi. I love Meimi, not some mystery girl that I don’t131 know. Tuxedo or school uniform, I love her just the same. But I can’t132 tell her that. I can’t let her know that my heart beats for her. I133 can only warn her about letting him find out. And I know Meimi well134 enough to know that the whole game of cat and mouse wouldn’t be fun135 for her if there was no danger of him finding out who she is. So all136 I can do is watch and worry. And pray.138 But pray for what? That she could somehow love me? That she won’t139 let Asuka Jr. find out for my sake? Or for the sake of all she’s140 helping as Saint Tail? I don’t know. So I don’t know if those prayers141 are reaching you. Just... Please keep her safe, no matter what path142 she chooses. I couldn’t live with myself if she got hurt as Saint143 Tail. That would be entirely my fault because I’m the one who144 convinced her to be Saint Tail in the first place.146 Saint Tail and Meimi are almost two different people. I don’t think147 Meimi realizes it, but I can see. She changes when she puts on that148 costume. She’s braver, more sure of herself as Saint Tail. She’s more149 dedicated and focussed in a way, too. Which helps her to do what she150 needs to, even if she does still play with Asuka Jr. chasing her. I151 had no idea that would happen when I asked her to be Saint Tail. It152 never crossed my mind that she would be almost a completely different153 person as a mysterious thief. And yet, I love them both. Because they154 are two sides of my dear Meimi. They’re both her in their own way. I155 wish I could bring this up with Meimi, but I decided a long time ago156 that I wouldn’t tell her how I feel. And she wouldn’t believe me if I157 told her she acted like a different person as Saint Tail. She158 probably doesn’t see it. If anything, it’s Saint Tail that likes159 Asuka Jr. Meimi doesn’t get along with him at all. But I can’t160 explain that to her. So she thinks that she might like him as well.161 And it obviously confuses her horribly. It hurts that there’s nothing162 I can do to help her.164 All I can do is be Meimi’s friend. All I can do is watch on while165 she falls in love and drifts from me. All I can do is pray for her to166 be happy in her life. I’ve always known we couldn’t be together.167 We’re both girls. She doesn’t like me that way. My role is with the168 church. I’ve known all of these things from the moment I fell in love169 with her. So it was never about getting her love for myself. It’s170 always been about simply loving her, getting closer to her and171 finding out everything I can about this beautiful girl who wandered172 into my life. I will one day become a nun, devoted to you. I will173 never love another other than her. She will always be in my heart,174 even though my path does not let me be with her. But that’s all175 right. It hurts, sometimes. But this is how things are supposed to176 be. I try to remind myself of that when I find myself crying, longing177 to be held in her arms. That will always remain a dream, but one I178 will cherish as I live my life for you. I will always love Meimi. My179 calling to the church doesn’t change that.181 A noise behind me scatters my thoughts to the wind. It’s her. I can182 tell without even looking. She may be a silent thief, but I know all183 of her tricks. And I know this church better than my own room, so184 it’s easy enough to tell when someone enters. Especially her. I guess185 certain habits never go away. She’s still trying to sneak up on me. I186 don’t turn, still kneeling in prayer. What’s she doing here tonight,187 I wonder? I didn’t call her about any missions for Saint Tail. She’s188 never mistaken the day before. Maybe there’s something she wants to189 talk about. My heart nearly seizes up with apprehension at that190 thought. Whatever she would want to talk about this late would191 probably be very important. I’ve always been her confidante, and I’ll192 always continue to be so. But whatever is important enough to have193 her come here in the middle of the night worries me. Is it about her194 feelings for Asuka Jr.? Did something happen at home? Does she want195 to quit being Saint Tail?197 Now I stand up. I can’t keep my anxiety from rising up within me. I198 turn around, my long, white dress flowing about me. I never did199 bother changing out of my nun’s clothes. There she is, radiantly200 beautiful as ever. For some reason, she has come to me as Saint Tail.201 My concern escalates. Did she go do something as Saint Tail on her202 own tonight? Did something bad happen? Did someone find out who she203 was? “Meimi, are you all right?” I ask worriedly, my hands clasped204 together. She doesn’t answer me. Her eyes are cast in shadows, making205 it impossible for me to tell what lay inside of them or whether she’s206 been crying.208 She starts to advance on me, her short pink skirt swishing about as209 she does, the only noise in the empty church. I take a half-step back210 unconsciously. She keeps coming forward. “Meimi?” I ask, more211 nervously this time. No reply. Just the repeated swish-swish of her212 skirt and the light clack of her heels on the floor. I take another213 step back. And another. I smile weakly. “It’s good to see you, Meimi-214 chan. I was just thinking about you. I hope that you’re okay.” Still215 no answer. There’s something almost predatory in the way she’s216 walking. I swallow, taking another few steps back. Something hits me217 from behind, making me gasp out loud. I close my eyes, taking a deep218 breath to try and calm myself. It’s only the altar. I must be pretty219 worked up if I could have stumbled into it. And over Meimi at that.220 But she’s always been the one to get me all worked up, even if she221 doesn’t know it.223 I open my eyes again, watching her stepping purposely towards me.224 Her beautiful auburn ponytail swishes in time with her skirt, her225 coattails shifting behind her as she walks ever closer. She’s simply226 stunning. No wonder Asuka Jr. is so obsessed with finding out who227 this beautiful Seraph is. So many boys have already been smitten with228 her. Even her best friend, a girl dedicated to the church has fallen229 in love with her. How could I help myself from doing just that? She’s230 stolen a lot of hearts. She truly is a thief. But she can keep mine231 forever. I don’t need it back. I’d rather she had it anyway.233 So captivated by her beauty am I that I barely realize how close234 she’s getting until she’s practically upon me. I move again, but my235 escape is blocked by the altar. I rest my hands on it, holding on236 tightly until my knuckles go white. I smile again shakily. “Was there237 something you wanted, Meimi?” My voice is shaking. Even I can hear238 it. It’s never been this bad when I’ve been around her before. I’ll239 feel warm and dizzy inside, but this has me completely lost. I don’t240 know what to say or do. I feel trapped. She can feel it, can’t she?241 The love I have for her must be excruciatingly obvious this close.242 Why else would I be so weak and nervous being near her?244 Meimi is silent, standing before me. Strong, intent, focussed.245 Everything that I can’t muster at the moment. A gloved hand reaches246 up slowly. Her fingertips brush my burning cheeks, sending an247 electric tingle through my skin. My cheeks darken considerably even248 as I try to fight back my blush. “Meimi-chan, maybe we should go249 outside. It’s awfully hot in here tonight,” I say, trying to sound250 casual. I don’t look at her as I do. I can’t. I’d melt if I look into251 her eyes, I just know it. I move to the left, trying to escape being252 in such close proximity to this girl. She’s taking over all of my253 senses. But before I can get away from her, Her arm blocks my path. I254 turn only to find her other arm blocking the other way, boxing me in.255 Her arms on the altar to either side of me, I find myself trapped256 facing her. My heart beats deafeningly inside of me. She must be able257 to hear it in the quiet of the night. I command it to be still, but258 it’s not mine to control. It’s in her hands, after all. I can only259 stand there, pressed tightly against the altar, looking down. Why is260 she doing this? Why is she working her magic on me in such a way?261 Even she can’t be naïve enough to not notice how this is affecting262 me. Yet even then, I pray she won’t ask me about it. I didn’t want263 her to find out. I didn’t want her to know I love her. She could264 never love me anyway, so there’s no reason. Yet now I find myself265 almost hoping that she knows. That she’s discovered my deepest,266 darkest secret. That she can finally drag it out into the light.268 “Seira,” she whispers in my ear. Whether it’s her intention or not,269 it sure sounds seductive to me. I shudder imperceptibly (I hope) at270 the sound of her voice echoing throughout me. Her gloved fingers take271 my chin, tilting my head up. I blush darkly but do nothing to stop272 her. My head moves up docilely until I’m looking at her once more.273 Even now, I can’t see her eyes. The shadows and her bangs keep them a274 mystery to me. I feel that if I could get through that to see them,275 that everything would make sense. I’d be able to understand what276 Meimi was doing, what she was thinking. But they’re still hidden from277 me. And her hand is cupping my chin. And her face is moving closer,278 inching nearer. My eyes widen in a mixture of horror and yearning. I279 want to stop her. But I can’t. I just can’t bring myself to stop her.280 Not when I’ve dreamt of this for years.282 Her lips brush mine, warm and soft and incredibly delectable. That283 delicate touch hardly seems enough, a small glimpse of heaven that284 leaves me longing for more. Meimi doesn’t keep me waiting long. Her285 lips return to mine, more insistent this time. My thoughts are286 jumbled, an incoherent mess as she kisses me. I press back further,287 but she only moves closer. Her body presses against me now, sending288 more shocks through my body. I’m trapped between her and the altar,289 her kisses growing more passionate as she does what she wants in290 response to my own pliable kissing. It’s then that I realize I’m291 kissing back. Nervously, sure, but I’m kissing back all the same. I292 can’t stop myself. I don’t want to stop myself. Each kiss touches my293 soul like a gentle caress. One of her arms snakes around my back,294 pulling me tighter against her. I make a weak gasp but otherwise295 offer up no struggle. What am I doing? I should be telling her to296 stop. Or... Or.. It’s hard to think past the kisses. They’re so warm297 and they surround my mind like a fuzzy blanket, wrapping it up nice298 and tight.300 Why is she doing this to me? Can’t she see how weak she makes me? My301 strength comes from the fact that I can never have her. Please don’t302 take that away, Meimi-chan. My resolve would crumble. My plans for303 the future would fall apart. I would be in freefall. And it’s all up304 to you. All of my strength, whether I have it or whether it all305 leaves me is entirely up to you.307 One of her hands caresses my cheek, the soft feel of her gloves308 against my skin almost too much for me. But if I fall here, I know309 that she’ll catch me, hold me tightly. But if I fall because of this,310 who will save me? My entire life has been dedicated to repaying the311 nuns who raised me by devoting myself to God. I knew I couldn’t be312 with Meimi, so it wasn’t a problem. But if she could love me, then313 what? What would I do? How could I possibly choose between her and my314 path in life? I’m so confused again, even in the solace of the315 church, in the night. My confusion has finally found me, no matter316 how well I hid from it.318 I want to tell her, to say something, to just collapse from all of319 this madness. But she has other ideas. Her tongue presses against my320 lips. My cheeks burning, my own lips open, accepting her. I can feel321 her tongue brushing past mine, a thrill shooting through me at the322 feeling. I kiss back hesitantly, but find myself responding more and323 more to her lead. ‘Wherever you take me, I’ll follow,’ I think,324 though whether this is more a declaration or a realization, I haven’t325 a clue.327 I don’t want this to ever end. I just want to be in her arms328 forever, to feel this way for eternity. Is this what Heaven is like?329 This delicious taste of ethereal joy? Part of me still tries to fight330 it, telling me that I shouldn’t be doing this, that my path in life331 forbids it. But I’m held captive by her lips, by the feel of her332 against me. I gather all of my strength, what little is left, and333 kiss my beautiful Saint Tail with everything I have. It leaves me334 breathless, more confused than ever, but with a wonderful electric335 feeling in my stomach.337 She steps away from me, her hands lingering on my sides for a moment338 before finally pulling away. It’s only then that I realize my eyes339 are closed. “Meimi-chan,” I whisper, blushing deeply. “I love you,” I340 say, forcing it out before I get too scared to say it. I don’t care341 how confusing it is anymore. I know that to be true. I know I love342 her, no matter what trouble that causes. And I want her to know it,343 too. I await her answer anxiously, but nothing comes. Is she still344 playing mute? Or does she not know what to say? Is she as embarrassed345 and unsure of everything as I am? I slowly open my eyes to see, but346 she’s gone. I glance around frantically, but she is nowhere to be347 seen. Disappeared like a magic trick, not even smoke left in her348 wake.350 My shoulders slump, her spirits dropping. Gone. Like a thief in the351 night. But what was she here to steal? I kneel, clasping my hands in352 prayer once more. This is my solace. But even as I begin to pray,353 thoughts of her linger with me. God is in everything. Maybe I don’t354 have to differentiate between my love for Him and my love for Meimi.355 Maybe... “I love you, Meimi-chan,” I whisper again with all the356 strength of a prayer. I love you. Even if you aren’t there when I357 open my eyes.