Crooked

 by Teresa Kaiju

 teresa_kaiju@yahoo.com

 

 I guess it really started one sleepover when we were in the last year of middle school.  That's when I finally figured out why Tomoyo acted so strange.

 

 *********

 

 "Well, I got to thinking yesterday about boys."  I started.  I could almost see her little smile, even though we were in bed in the dark.

 

 "Boy's in general, or a particular boy."

 

 "Boy's in general.  I've gone out with more boys than I can remember since Shoaoran went back to Hong Kong.  And as far as I know you haven't gone out with any.  And I wondered why.  Then I remembered when girls used to ask me if my brother had a girlfriend.  And of course he didn't.  He had Yukito.  So I finally put two and two together.  You're like my brother, aren't you.   Except you are a girl who likes girls instead of a boy who likes boys."  I waited for her to deny it, but she was silent.  I wished I could see her face, but it was much too dark.  "Many times you've told me that I am your special girlfriend, but I didn't really know what you meant till now.  You don't really want anyone but me do you?"  I was proud of myself; it may have taken me a long time, but at least I did finally figure it out.  But Tomoyo was still silent.  "Well?  Do you deny it?

 

 "No.  I don't deny it.  Please don't hate me!"  Oh no!  She sounded like she was crying!  I must have really messed up.  Darn it!  I'm really bad at this sort of thing.  But after a moments hesitation I grabbed her and hugged her really tight against me.  I kissed her on her wet cheek and talked to her.

 

 "I don't hate you.  I love you.  Very very much.  Even more than my brother.  Maybe even more than my dad."  It was true I realized.  I did love her that much.  "Please don't cry!"  But she clung to me and kept on crying.  I didn't understand why she was crying but I was afraid to ask, so I just held her and kissed her a few more times and waited.  And eventually I fell asleep.

 

 The next morning she acted like nothing had happened.  And I was afraid to say anything about it for fear she would start crying again.  So I just acted like nothing had happened too.  But I thought about it a lot.

 

 I did love Tomoyo a lot all right, thinking about all the time I spent with her.  I would see her in home room and at lunch and then meet up with her every day after school and if Dad was gone on a dig, I would generally go over to her house for dinner and homework at least.  And then nearly every Saturday night I would sleep over at her house and Sunday's if I didn't have a date, we would spend the day together.  I never get tired of being with her.  And I thought this was great and it would go on forever.  

 

 But then when I got in high school I met Masaki, and he was SO special.  I was crazy about him.  I was sure that this wasn't just a little girls crush like it had been with Yuki, and Shoaoran.  This was the real thing.  

 

 Suddenly I wanted to spend ALL my time just with Masaki.  I had lunch with him and his boyfriends, and met him after school, so he could walk me home, and went out with him every Saturday night and most Sunday's.  And I didn't see Tomoyo much at all.  And I didn't miss her.  The thought did cross my mind once in a while that I should really spend more time with her, but it seemed like it always came down to a choice between her and Masaki.  And she lost out every time.

 

 This went on for most of that first year of high school, and then suddenly Masaki told me that we were through.  He had someone he liked better than me.  I was heartbroken.  I hardly ate, I messed up at school, and in short, I really didn't want to live.  If it wasn't for Tomoyo, I don't know what I would have done.  She insisted I go places and do things with her instead of just moping around my house.  And in a couple of weeks I felt better.

 

 That's when I got to thinking about what I had done to Tomoyo while I was crazy for Masaki.  She loved me and only me.  I was everything to her.  And I had effectively dumped her for some stupid boy!  Who didn't love me at all.  I really felt like kicking myself.  I thought I loved Tomoyo, but it seemed my love for her couldn't stand up against my attraction to boys.  There had to be something I could do.    

 

 So the next day I went over to visit my brother and Yukito at their house.  And I told them what my problem was and asked for advice.  And found out that the same thing would no doubt happen again.  And one of these times I would wind up marrying the boy and in effect dump Tomoyo forever.  And there wasn't anything I could do about it because I was attracted to boys and and not girls like Tomoyo.  "Can't I change who I'm attracted to?" I asked.

 

 "No, I'm afraid not." Yukito said gently.  "That's not something people can change.  I'm afraid you are stuck being attracted to boys.  And Tomoyo is stuck being attracted to other girls."

 

 "Attracted to the monster, you mean.  Poor Tomoyo!" my brother just had to add.  But I was so frustrated I didn't even yell at him.  It seemed an unsolvable problem, but I just couldn't let it go.

 

 Then later that night I got an idea.  It didn't matter if normal people can't change who they are attracted to.  Normal people can't sprout wings and fly either; but I can!  So why can't I change who I am attracted to?  I have a lot of magic power.  Why don't I use it to save Tomoyo from being left all alone.  I do love her.  So what is wrong with feeling attracted to her?  Of course the thought of kissing another girl on the lips was kind of icky, but so what.  I didn't have to actually kiss her, just not run off with some boy and ignore her.  The important thing was that I wouldn't be attracted to boys.  Boys were a rotten bunch anyway.  I could certainly live without them!

 

 So I got up and turned on the light.  I had some pictures of both Masaki and Tomoyo from when we went to the water park with my brother and Yuki.  I found one that showed both of them side by side.  Just as I suspected, the sight of Masaki in his bathing suit still gave me a flutter in my stomach.  He had to be the best looking boy in my school.  So this may just work.  I summoned my magic circle and then concentrated all my attention on Masaki and Tomoyo.  By concentrating the way Shoaoran's mother had taught me, I could feel my attraction to the handsome boy.  So I grabbed it with my mind and shifted it over to the picture of Tomoyo.  It didn't seem to do anything the first time but I kept my circle strong and kept trying different ways to transfer my feeling of attraction away from the boy and onto Tomoyo.  And then I suddenly felt it!  A really neat fluttery feeling inside when I looked at Tomoyo.  And when I looked at Masaki; nothing!  I was SO relieved.  And SO tired.  

 

 As I laid down to sleep I had an unpleasant thought, *what if this reversal doesn't last?*  Well if it didn't, I would just try again.  Until I got it right.  

 

 The next morning came really quick, and it seemed extra hard to get up and get moving.  Not surprisingly I barely made it to school on time.  Tomoyo had given up waiting for me at the school gate and was nearly to the building when I caught up with her..  "Hi Tomoyo!" I called out as I skated up behind her.  She stopped and turned and smiled at me as usual, but this morning she looked different.  More beautiful than I had ever seen her look.  I smiled back at her and felt good inside.  It was still working!  I was happy that I had managed to do what I had attempted, but I also felt happy that this beautiful girl was my very special girlfriend.  And she was crazy about me.  How neat!  And I had never appreciated this for the miracle that it was.

 

 I couldn't seem to take my eyes off her at lunch.  It made me feel good inside just to look at her.  And then when we were riding in her car over to her house after school, I moved in close to her and then I wanted to put my arm around her.  But I felt shy.  So I reminded myself that she really was crazy about me and she would really like to have my arm around her, and then I just did it!  She stopped right in the middle of what she was saying and just kept looking straight ahead. "Does that bother you?"  I asked as I quickly pulled my arm back.

 

 "No!" she squeaked.  Then she looked at me with her eyes open really wide.  "It doesn't bother me at all.  It was nice, really."  She finished.

 

 "Okay."  I replied, relieved, and I put my arm back around her and pulled her close.  It felt really good to have her up against me.  Even if it did feel kind of hot where she was touching me.  She went back to telling me about her writing assignment but she still sounded a little strange.

 

 Then when we got undressed for our bath, I found myself fascinated with her body.  She really had a wonderful figure, a lot nicer than mine.  I guess I was staring because I had got her attention. "Sakura?  Is something wrong?"

 

 "No.  Not a thing.  Everything is just fine." I finished with a happy smile.

 

 "Well, then why are you looking at me like that?"  *Good question* I thought.  Well, no reason not to tell her the truth.

 

 "I just noticed how beautiful you are.  You really do have a wonderful figure."  I said with feeling.

 

 "Oh." was all Tomoyo said.

 

 Then when we were soaking in the hot tub I moved over till I was almost touching her.  I really wanted to take her in my arms but I was still shy.  *Well this attraction thing is certainly working anyway.  Now maybe I should use my Magic to get over this shyness.  Well at least no boy is going to get between us now.*   My thoughts made me chuckle and Tomoyo nervously asked why I had laughed.  That's when it came to me.  *Should I tell her what I did?  Or not?*  It didn't take long to decide.  I really didn't want to lie to her about anything.  

 

 "I was feeling really guilty about how I had ignored you when I was going out with Masaki.  And so I talked to my brother and Yuki about why it had happened.  And they said it was just the attraction between girls and boys.  Or at least, girls like me and boys.  It's really really powerful.  And then I asked them if there was anyway I could avoid it happening again.  And they said there wasn't.  That in time I would fall in love with a boy and leave you again."  I noticed when I said this that she nodded and lost her little smile for a moment.  "Anyway I decided I would NOT accept this.  Normal people may be slaves to the way they are born but I had Magic.  And I was going to do something about this problem.  So I used my Magic to change who I was attracted to."  At this point Tomoyo took a sudden sharp breath and looked really shocked.  "Are you alright?"  I asked her as I put my hands on her shoulders.

 

 "You changed who you are attracted to...?" she practically whispered.

 

 "Yes.  I did.  I am no longer attracted to boys.  That's what I was laughing about.  No boy is going to get between us now."  She was still looking stunned as I continued with a big smile.  "Because now I am attracted to you just like you are attracted to me."  As she continued to stare at me, I notice just how nice her lips looked.  Kissing them wouldn't be icky at all.  In fact it might be really nice.  I was feeling really proud of myself now and brave I guess, because I moved in and kissed her right on her mouth.  And I was right.  It did feel nice.  But she only let me kiss her for just a moment before she pulled back and protested.

 

 "No!  Sakura-chan!  You can't do this to yourself!"

 

 "I already did it and I like it just fine."  With this I kissed her again.  This time she kissed me a little longer before she pulled back.

 

 "No!  You were normal.  Why did you make yourself like me?"

 

 "Because I love you, silly.  And I don't ever want anyone taking me away from you.  Now I can be satisfied with just you.  I don't need a boyfriend.  So we can be together, always.  Don't you want to be together with me?"

 

 "Of course I want to be together with you, but-"

 

 "And do you like kissing me?" I asked.

 

 "Oh yes...  Kissing you is heavenly.  I never thought I would ever have the chance to know what it felt like..."  That sounded good to me, so I kissed her again.  After a while we separated and she spoke again.  "Sakura-chan?"

 

 "Yes?"  I replied.  She shook her head as if to clear it before speaking again.  

 

 "This isn't right.  I can't let you sacrifice your future for me.  I would die of guilt!"

 

 "What sacrifice?" I asked.  "I'm giving up boys that's all.  And they're a bunch of jerks anyway."

 

 "But if you stay with me you will never have any children!"

 

 "Well as of right now, I don't really want any children.  And when I do, if I do, I'll figure out something.  Maybe I can use my magic to get you pregnant." I finished with a smile.  Her face looked sort of dreamy for a bit after that.  And I was getting too hot so I stood up and suggested we get dressed.  But when Tomoyo stood up I got another idea.  I just moved in and put my arms around her and held her against myself.  She didn't resist a bit, she just put her arms around me and laid her head on my shoulder.  *This is neat!* I decided.  It was even more fun necking with Tomoyo than it had been with Masaki.  Of course I had never hugged Masaki naked either.  

 

 "What about your father?"  She said as she pulled her head back and looked at me again.  "Won't he be upset?"

 

 "He didn't get upset when he found out about my brother and Yukito.  I don't see why I should be any different."

 

 "Then there is society.  Japanese society doesn't accept girls like us very well.  People will give us all sorts of trouble."

 

 "Anything we can't handle as long as we stick together?"  When she hesitated I went on.  "After all, you are rich and I am a powerful Mage.  How could anyone possibly cause us any trouble we couldn't handle?"  This made her smile, which I was really glad to see.

 

 "Well, okay.  You do have a point there."  At this point I kissed her yet again.  This was becoming a habit.  And it was one I liked.  It was hard to believe I had ever thought kissing a girl was icky.  Tomoyo was kissing back now which made the kisses even better.  And they were longer too.  But then when we parted I noticed Tomoyo's mom was watching us from the door.  *Oh shoot, busted!* I thought to myself.  I let go of Tomoyo, took a deep breath, and spoke.  "Hello Mrs. Daidoji."  Not surprisingly Tomoyo turned around really fast.  But then I was relieved to notice that Tomoyo's mom didn't seem angry; in fact she smiled before she spoke.

 

 "Hello Girls.  I just wanted you to know that I was home and would like you to join me for dinner, if that would be okay?"

 

 "Sure, Mom.  We'll be down as soon as we get dressed."  Tomoyo answered.  When the door closed behind Mrs. Daidoji, I sat down on the edge of the tub and sighed.  "Don't worry Sakura, I don't think my mom will give you any problem about us kissing.  In fact, I expect she is happy about it."

 

 "Oh really?"  I replied.

 

 "Yes.  She has known for some time that I'm in love with you.  And she was really sad for me because of the hopelessness of it.  What with you being straight and all."

 

 "Straight?"

 

 "Girls who like boys are called straight."

 

 "Oh, Okay.  So how do we explain my suddenly turning crooked?"  I wasn't pleased when she burst out laughing.  "Okay!  What's the word?"  I growled.

 

 "It's lesbian."

 

 "Okay, so how do we explain my suddenly turning lesbian?"

 

 "I don't know.  Let’s just hope she doesn't ask."

 

 At dinner Tomoyo's mom had lost her smile.  But she didn't seem angry either.  Then after dinner she excused herself and told me that she wanted to speak to Tomoyo for a few minutes.  So I went up to Tomoyo's room to do my homework..

 

 I tried to work on it while I waited, but I couldn't concentrate.  Finally after what seemed like a really long time Tomoyo opened the door and joined me.  I was worried to see she had lost her smile.  "So what did she talk to you about?"

 

 "Well she asked how long we had been kissing, and I told her that we just started tonight.  Then she said that I needed to understand that your affection wasn't real.  It was just due to your being dumped by that boy.  And as soon as you got over it you would drop me again and get another boyfriend." She sat down next to me and looked at me for a moment before continuing.  "Is there any chance that your feelings for me aren't due to your magic but just a result of being dumped?"

 

 "No!"  I shook my head to emphasize my answer.  "I love you and I am no longer attracted to boys.  Not even a little bit."

 

 "But what if the magic wears off?"  She asked in a small voice.

 

 "Then I will just do it again.  I remember how I did it so it won't take but a couple of minutes to renew the spell."

 

 "You promise?"  She still sounded worried so I kissed her for a bit before I answered.

 

 "Yes.  I promise."  I said as I held out my pinkie.  She gave me a smile and locked pinkie's with me as I swore I would always see to it that I remained attracted to her.  After that she seemed to relax, and we kissed some more.

 

 "Another thing my mom said was that I should take advantage of you and make some beautiful memories before you come to your senses."  Then she giggled.

 

 "So what does that mean?"

 

 "I think she was hinting that I should seduce you while I have the chance."  She finished with a smile and another little giggle.  *Wow!* I laughed to myself, *that sure didn't sound like someone's mom talking!*

 

 "Okay" I grinned, "so since we have your mom's permission, go ahead and seduce me."  

 

 So she did...

 

 And the Magic never did wear off...