1.1 --- /dev/null	Thu Jan 01 00:00:00 1970 +0000
     1.2 +++ b/old/stories/toujour5.txt	Fri Feb 19 20:53:12 2010 -0500
     1.3 @@ -0,0 +1,267 @@
     1.4 +WARNING: Yes, a fic with a warning. This isn't your run of the mill episode here. This
     1.5 +one will be slightly, if not very depressing. The email address is the same,
     1.6 +Saturn_Knight@hotmail.com for those of you who wish to email me, but don't send me
     1.7 +hate mail, because it'll be deleted.
     1.8 +***************
     1.9 +
    1.10 +"Where did we come from? Why are we here?
    1.11 +Where do we go when we die?
    1.12 +What lies beyond? And what laid before?
    1.13 +Is anything certain in life?
    1.14 +They say 'life is too short,' 'the here and the now,'
    1.15 +And 'you're only given one shot.'
    1.16 +But could there be more? Have I lived before?
    1.17 +Or could this be all that we've got?
    1.18 +'…Move on be brave! Don't weep at my grave!
    1.19 +Because I am no longer here.
    1.20 +But please never let your memory of me
    1.21 +Disappear…'"
    1.22 +Dream Theater: "The Spirit Carries On."
    1.23 +
    1.24 +	"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of one of
    1.25 +God's children." The day was overcast, gray and simply miserable. The angry sky
    1.26 +rumbled with fury as the small group crowded around an open grave, in direct defiance of
    1.27 +the chill. The figures, huddled around site, stood in somber, detached silence as the priest
    1.28 +continued to speak. " 'The lord is my shepherd; I shall not want…' We commit thee,
    1.29 +Hotaru Tomoe back to God's earth, though the body is only a vessel, and you, such a
    1.30 +lovely child, are in the hands of God once more. 'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,' so it has
    1.31 +always been and it always will be" He stepped forward, dropping a single rose on the lid
    1.32 +of the coffin, and motioned for the others to do so as well. The senshi approached one by
    1.33 +one, standing before the simple stone that marked her final resting place; an angel with its
    1.34 +wings wrapped around a small child, and murmured their final goodbyes to the lacquered
    1.35 +coffin lid.
    1.36 +	"We'll miss you, Hotaru…" Ami said as she crouched down and released the
    1.37 +rose, allowing it to fall above the priest's.
    1.38 +	"I'm sorry I never got to know you better," Minako sighed, she too allowing the
    1.39 +brilliant red rose to drop into the grave.
    1.40 +	"It won't be the same without you, Hotaru…" Usagi stood by the edge of the six-
    1.41 +foot deep, rectangular hole; Chibi was by her side. Both of them relinquished their roses
    1.42 +at the same time, Usagi turned to let Chibi stand a moment longer.
    1.43 +	"I'll miss you, Hotaru…you were my best friend. I never met anyone like you,
    1.44 +and I know I never will. You…" she paused, shaking her head and trying to swallow the
    1.45 +lump that creeped into her throat. "You can never be replaced…" Her eyes closed, tears
    1.46 +finding the way down her cheeks, only to fall, unheeded, onto the lid of the coffin.
    1.47 +'Why?' Chibi thought to herself. 'WHY!? It's not fair! She didn't do anything!
    1.48 +She wasn't a bad person anymore! It wasn't her fault before! SHE CHANGED!! DO
    1.49 +YOU HEAR ME?! SHE CHANGED!!!' She began to shake with anger, her small hands
    1.50 +curling into fists as she glared at the carving of an angel that watched over a nearby
    1.51 +grave. 'Why did you take her?! WHY!? All her power- all our power and we couldn't do
    1.52 +anything to help her! What good are we if we can't even protect each other!? How are we
    1.53 +supposed to protect the world? This is ridiculous…' Chibi was beginning falter, shaking
    1.54 +hard enough now that the other Senshi noticed, and Usagi slowly approached her.
    1.55 +"Come on…the other's need to say goodbye to her too. We all miss her," Usagi
    1.56 +too was crying, though not as uncontrollably as Chibi. The child didn't move, as much a
    1.57 +statue as the stone monuments that stood silent vigil over the dead. Slowly, red, swollen
    1.58 +eyes met Usagi's and Chibi opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't for a moment.
    1.59 +"Shh…" Usagi's finger moved over her daughter's lips, signaling her not to talk. She had
    1.60 +never seen her like this before, so angry, so…frightening.
    1.61 +"WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYY!!!!???" her piercing wail
    1.62 +echoed, rebounding off the tombstones, making the sound redirect to the people who
    1.63 +stood between them. Soon it sounded like the angels themselves were screaming in
    1.64 +agony.
    1.65 +
    1.66 +The ride back to home was quiet, uneventful. 'I'm glad she's at least quiet now,'
    1.67 +Usagi thought to herself, looking over at the sleeping child that rested in her lap. 'I
    1.68 +thought we were going to be kicked off the plane on the way back here. She was glad the
    1.69 +people were sympathetic, even if annoyed and distressed at the hysterically crying child
    1.70 +who only ceased her sobbing after she fell asleep.
    1.71 +"I didn't know she'd take it this hard." Ami whispered to Usagi who only sighed
    1.72 +and nodded, though both of the older senshi's eyes were puffy from tears, they had
    1.73 +nothing on the pink haired girl. "It's so sad…I never knew she cared about Hotaru this
    1.74 +much… they were very good friends, now that I do think about it." Usagi nodded to Ami
    1.75 +for a fraction of a second before her eyes went wide.
    1.76 +Hearing Ami talk about Hotaru in the past tense finalized it as her being gone.
    1.77 +Usagi winced visibly and pulled her daughter tighter into her body, suddenly wanting to
    1.78 +be comforted, though Chibi didn't awaken. "Ami…god, why did you say that?" Usagi
    1.79 +narrowed her eyes at Ami even though she knew that she wasn't angry at her, hissing
    1.80 +through her clenched teeth, "Why?"
    1.81 +"I…I'm sorry Usagi, but all I said was that Hotaru and Chibi were-" she cut off,
    1.82 +suddenly realizing just what she had said and her hand covered her mouth. She didn't
    1.83 +need to say anymore. She didn't have to.
    1.84 +They spent the rest of the long ride from the cemetery listening only to the rain
    1.85 +patter down, and Chibi's steady breathing as she slept. 'You must be exhausted,' Usagi
    1.86 +thought as she brushed aside some of the girl's hair. 'I've never seen you cry like that,
    1.87 +and this much before…let alone scream that loudly. You must really care about her,
    1.88 +huh?' She refused to talk about Hotaru in the past tense, it tore her too much to even
    1.89 +begin to. 'She's lucky to have a friend like you…'
    1.90 +"Usagi….Usagi? We're home now," Usagi looked up quickly, realizing they were
    1.91 +now at Makoto's house, where they would be staying to keep each other company. "Do
    1.92 +you need a hand with her?" Ami gestured to Chibi, she was the only one who didn't head
    1.93 +quickly inside, not because of the angel's tears that streamed from the heavens, soaking
    1.94 +the world beneath, but because they were too numb to know any better. Only Ami's hard
    1.95 +wired sense of responsibility and courtesy remained.
    1.96 +"Huh? Oh, no, I've got her…" Usagi placed both legs out onto the ground, before
    1.97 +standing; the cold, but comforting rain began to trace over her face. "Let's get inside."
    1.98 +The door to the car was closed by Ami, as Usagi needed both hands to carry her daughter,
    1.99 +who was too out of it to even place her arms around her mother's neck. 'God, she's such
   1.100 +a dead weight…'
   1.101 +A stabbing pain in Usagi's head brought to her a sudden halt. She leaned her back
   1.102 +against a soaked pillar, to keep herself upright. Her mind forced the replay of the scene at
   1.103 +the funeral, where they stood gathered around Hotaru's grave. Only this time, she was
   1.104 +watching herself, and the others, in third person.  Watching herself stand crying, Usagi
   1.105 +felt a direct chill, slithering down her spine before turning to the stone on the ground. It
   1.106 +was blank. The angel carved onto the gray stone suddenly turned its eyes and head to face
   1.107 +Usagi who gasped in fright. It began to mouth silent words to her, though she couldn't
   1.108 +make them out. 'I…I don't understand!' She thought trying harder to read the lips of the
   1.109 +angel.
   1.110 +"Love is stronger than death… Love is stronger than life… Don't let her grief
   1.111 +over come her… Love her…" Hotaru's hushed voice clearly sounded, whispering though
   1.112 +Usagi's ear, causing her to jump, and look around frantically, but the only thing she saw
   1.113 +now was Ami, who had her hand on Usagi's shoulder.
   1.114 +"Usagi! Are you ok? Get inside before your d--  catch a cold." She began to lead
   1.115 +her inside, oblivious to Hotaru's warning that carried itself on the fridged air.
   1.116 +
   1.117 +Seisen floated through the swirling darkness, unaware of the creature that was
   1.118 +stalking him through the endless depths of the portal.. Unbeknownst to him, he was
   1.119 +floating back to the astral plane, by nothing more than dumb luck, but the monster
   1.120 +trailing him intended to stop this. It's tendril flared quickly at the youth, intending to
   1.121 +entangle him and draw him closer to itself to pull him from the sanctuary of the darkness.
   1.122 +However, at that moment, Seisen's eyes opened  to see the imminent collision, but
   1.123 +managed to turn his body vertically so the tendril would only slam into his chest, not grip
   1.124 +him like the creature wanted. The impact of the blow sent the youth spinning head over
   1.125 +heels out of the portal and onto the ground of the astral realm, leaving the furious cry of
   1.126 +the creature to echo in his ears, just as his hand closed around the Silence Glaive. It began
   1.127 +to shimmer in response to his touch, but soon darkness was all he saw.
   1.128 +Waking in the still, flame lit darkness, Seisen sat up. His body was healed, he was
   1.129 +whole again…he glanced to the glaive by his side, which just shined knowingly. "Thank
   1.130 +you, Hotaru…" he mumbled under his breath before a single tear streamed down his face,
   1.131 +he could feel in his heart that the girl was dead, which meant he had very little time. He
   1.132 +stood up, grabbing the glaive in his hands, and began to run quickly down the path to the
   1.133 +afterlife.
   1.134 +
   1.135 +Makoto's house was deathly silent, the senshi sitting around the living room
   1.136 +staring at the rug in the middle of the floor. Nothing stirred the quiet, besides the sound of
   1.137 +the girls' breathing. A breeze floated on the thick air, chilling Usagi down to her bones,
   1.138 +though none of the senshi seemed to notice the sudden icy whisper that ran it's fingers
   1.139 +through Usagi's hair. "Remember…" Hotaru's hushed voice murmured to the girl,
   1.140 +"Remember…."
   1.141 +"Remember what?" she said aloud, causing the rest of the inners to look at her, as
   1.142 +the others chose to heal in their own way. Four sets of red eyes looked to Usagi, though
   1.143 +no one spoke to her.
   1.144 +Assuming she was just thinking aloud they dismissed it and went back to looking
   1.145 +at their own feet. Chibi stirred in Usagi's lap, sitting up and glancing to her mother, "Did
   1.146 +you hear her too?"
   1.147 +Seisen stood at the foot of the bed, having successfully managed to prevent
   1.148 +Hotaru's passage into the afterlife by mere moments. He sighed, sitting down on the
   1.149 +chair, exhausted. "If I had been a second later, you would have gone…I'm glad I know
   1.150 +my way around the plane," he spoke to her, though she was asleep, just to break the
   1.151 +uneasy silence.
   1.152 +"You see, when you die your spirit returns here, to the astral plane. You are here
   1.153 +physically, like I told you before, since your spirit makes you whole here." Seisen knew
   1.154 +he was only talking to himself, but it was that or listen to the burning of the torches. "I
   1.155 +found you before you wandered your way into the afterlife…some people find their way
   1.156 +back to the realm of the living, which is why they are ghosts because they have no body
   1.157 +and don't want to be completely dead. So, I stopped your spirit from entering and losing
   1.158 +you forever…now all we have to do is find a new body for you, or have you reborn…
   1.159 +that's going to be hell, let me tell you…we'll worry about that later, just relax…"
   1.160 +
   1.161 +Chibi sat in the tub of Makoto's bathroom in the now cooling water. She had been
   1.162 +in there for almost two hours, though she hardly noticed the time. Her skin was
   1.163 +wrinkling, her mind was wandering and her heart was aching. She didn't want to move,
   1.164 +she didn't want to think, she just wanted to be with Hotaru again.
   1.165 +"Chibi…? Are you OK in there?" Usagi asked as she gently knocked on the door.
   1.166 +The blonde was more worried about her daughter than she let on, Hotaru's words echoed
   1.167 +still in her ears, but she didn't understand what they were meaning to tell her.
   1.168 +"Yeah….I'm ok, I think I want to get out now." Chibi said, standing up and
   1.169 +letting the water drip from her body as she pulled the drain plug from the bath. She
   1.170 +watched the water swirling down the drain, but somehow in her mind she pictured
   1.171 +crimson swirls of blood draining down the hole. Her blood. She glanced away quickly.
   1.172 +"Ok…you have your pajamas and everything? We're going to sleep in the living
   1.173 +room, on the sofa…Minako, and Rei will be sleeping in Makoto's room, so we're sharing
   1.174 +with Ami." Usagi leaned her body against the door, her fingertips tracing the pattern of
   1.175 +the wood grain as she waited for Chibi to answer her.
   1.176 +"Yes…" was the only response Chibi gave as she began to towel off, though the
   1.177 +edge of the fabric was caught in the drawer. She sighed as she pulled it open and removed
   1.178 +the towel piece, and just as she was about to close the drawer, a small black object caught
   1.179 +her eye. Reaching in, she removed the black cylinder, which upon further inspection
   1.180 +revealed itself to be a box cutter; the razor still protruding from the top.
   1.181 +Chibi's mind flashed once more to the vision of her blood flowing down the
   1.182 +bathtub drain as she looked over the glint of the steel's edge. "Hotaru…" she said softly,
   1.183 +numbly running her finger over the blade, not so much as wincing as it tore easily
   1.184 +through her skin. "I'll see you soon…" she shoved the blade into the pocket of her
   1.185 +pajama pants and continued to dry herself off.
   1.186 +
   1.187 +It was almost 1:00 AM before Usagi finally fell asleep. Ami had been resting for
   1.188 +almost an hour before hand, though Chibi was still awake listening to the thunder rolling
   1.189 +in the distance. The child had been sitting in silence the entire night, weighing the pros
   1.190 +and the cons of the razor in her hand, and though terribly frightened she had chosen to
   1.191 +indeed go through with it.
   1.192 +The chill in the air was undeniable as the child walked her final, self imposed mile
   1.193 +down the dark, lonely hall towards the bathroom; she wanted to do it in the bathtub,
   1.194 +where she wouldn't make a mess for Makoto. Flipping on the light switch, Chibi was
   1.195 +instantly blinded by the fluorescent daggers that sought out her dilated pupils and paused
   1.196 +a moment to let her eyes adjust to the brightness.
   1.197 +"I'll be with you soon, Hotaru…" she whispered to herself as she closed the door
   1.198 +behind her and made very sure it was locked before she took a look at herself in the
   1.199 +mirror. Red, tired eyes stared back at her, alabaster skin stained with the tears that have
   1.200 +since run dry. The child sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of her hand and stepping
   1.201 +over to the tub and sitting herself in it. It was cold. She shivered lightly in the tub, though
   1.202 +she chilled even more when she rolled up her left sleeve, since it was closer to the heart
   1.203 +she figured that it would bleed faster. "I'm sorry mom…everyone," she whispered to
   1.204 +herself as she extended the end of the blade to full length.
   1.205 +As she placed the razor's edge to her skin, she hesitated a moment. It would hurt,
   1.206 +she knew very well, but it was better a moment of physical pain than a lifetime of agony.
   1.207 +"I'm sorry…" the girl whispered again before pressing down on the handle of the box
   1.208 +cutter and driving it as deep as it will go into her soft skin.
   1.209 +White hot pain seared her body as the deep, crimson liquid began to pour from the
   1.210 +small wound on her wrist…it would take too long. Gathering her courage, she roughly
   1.211 +pulled the blade up her arm, moving toward her elbow rather than horizontally across her
   1.212 +wrist, as it would slice the entire vein rather than just a portion of it. With every
   1.213 +centimeter of her skin that tore, it allowed more blood to freely drop into the tub, the tiny
   1.214 +globules soon becoming thick, morbid river that washed her life down the drain.
   1.215 +Unable to take any more pain, Chibi dropped the box cutter with a loud clatter
   1.216 +against the tile floor, sending a few droplets spraying across the white tile.
   1.217 +The sound transmitted easily through the thin walls of Makoto's house, causing a
   1.218 +few of the senshi to awaken. Sitting up in the darkness, Ami rubbed her eyes and
   1.219 +stretched; the clock read almost 1:15 in the morning. "Who is up at such an hour?" she
   1.220 +whispered to herself, though as she stood she realized that Chibi Usa was missing.
   1.221 +"Leave it to her to wake the house…just like her mother." Ami said aloud, pausing to
   1.222 +look over the sleeping Usagi, "That isn't necessarily a bad thing though…" Shaking
   1.223 +herself free from the stare she had placed on the senshi of the moon, Ami began to head
   1.224 +in the direction of the noise.
   1.225 +Ami stepped quietly through the house, and when she reached the bathroom door,
   1.226 +she knocked softly on it, "Is everything ok? I heard a loud noise…" This startled Chibi,
   1.227 +who turned to look at the door a moment, but the room began to spin.
   1.228 +She didn't care anymore, she could hardly focus on anything; not what she was
   1.229 +leaving behind, only what she was going to. Her vision continuing to blur, the child
   1.230 +forced her eyes open a last time, and in her disorientation saw her best friend leaning over
   1.231 +her.
   1.232 +Hotaru's violet eyes were of great comfort to the dying girl, and as she felt a hand
   1.233 +running through her hair, she knew everything was going to be over soon, and she
   1.234 +wouldn't have to feel anything else. "Shh….Chibi," the soldier of Saturn whispered to
   1.235 +her, caressing her face with her pale hand, "Just a moment or two longer."
   1.236 +Hotaru felt selfish…she felt ashamed, and dishonorable for doing this. She knew
   1.237 +she should have stopped her friend from killing herself, but she couldn't. Hotaru wanted
   1.238 +Chibi to be with her. She wanted to see her again, to feel her touch, to know that she
   1.239 +wasn't alone in the darkness. Seisen was someone to talk to, yes, but it wasn't the same.
   1.240 +Nor had the man stopped her from coming back to see Chibi, which led Hotaru to believe
   1.241 +that this was OK with him as well.
   1.242 +"What will happen…?" Chibi mumbled the girl who still stood over her, finding it
   1.243 +very difficult to talk. Her body ached all over as the muscles began to seize, leaving her
   1.244 +to sit stiffly with her friend. Hotaru didn't say anything to her, simply shook her head and
   1.245 +leaned down, nuzzling the smaller girl's face with her own. Chibi shakily raised her
   1.246 +bleeding hand and touched Hotaru's lips with her fingers, causing a smear of blood to run
   1.247 +across them. "Please…" Chibi said, touching her lips again.
   1.248 +The raven haired child nodded to her friend and tilted her face to the side. Just as
   1.249 +her lips met Chibi's, the door unlocked seemingly of it's own will. "Chibi?" Ami called,
   1.250 +though she wasn't heard by either of the two in the room. Hotaru wrapped her arms
   1.251 +around her friend's body and hugged her tightly.
   1.252 +Chibi shuddered a moment, taking a final deep breath before growing still; dying
   1.253 +wrapped in Hotaru's arms never breaking their kiss. "Chibi, I'm coming in." Ami said
   1.254 +again, and the door slowly opened.
   1.255 +The sight that Ami witnessed that day would never be forgotten. Hotaru,
   1.256 +completely restored in her beauty sitting on the ledge of the bathtub holding a bloody
   1.257 +child in her arms. The raven haired ghost turned to look at Ami slowly, her lips smeared
   1.258 +with blood, giving her an even more macabre appearance. "Goodbye Ami…tell my
   1.259 +parents I say the same. I'm sorry I'm so selfish…" and with that, she faded from sight as
   1.260 +Ami began to scream as loud as she could.
   1.261 +
   1.262 +"So how does it feel, little one?"
   1.263 +"H-…how does what feel? Where am I?"
   1.264 +"How does it feel to be dead?"
   1.265 +"I'm….dead?"
   1.266 +"Yes…you and Firefly…only there's a problem…"
   1.267 +"Problem….? I don't understand."
   1.268 +"……thou shalt not kill."
   1.269 +
   1.270 +