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     1.2 +++ b/old/stories/getaclueedit.txt	Fri Feb 19 20:53:12 2010 -0500
     1.3 @@ -0,0 +1,249 @@
     1.4 +Kiss Your Tears Away
     1.5 +by Amazoness Duo
     1.6 +amazonessduo@hotmail.com
     1.7 +
     1.8 +“You wanted to see me, Syaoran?” I ask, letting the door fall shut
     1.9 +behind me. The afternoon sun hangs lazily in the air above, a
    1.10 +wonderful backdrop to the Chinese boy. He’s leaning against the chain
    1.11 +link fence that surrounds the school roof. I smile at him. As usual,
    1.12 +it’s kind of hard for me to tell what he’s feeling or what he’s
    1.13 +thinking. But that’s okay. I have a hard enough time knowing how I’m
    1.14 +feeling half the time. 
    1.15 +
    1.16 +I walk over to him, my hands held behind my back. My heart flutters
    1.17 +nervously in my chest. I try to pay attention to every little
    1.18 +movement I make. For being as athletic as I am, I’m still clumsier
    1.19 +than anyone else I know. It always happens when I’m distracted. Which
    1.20 +I definitely am right now. Syaoran returned from China a few weeks
    1.21 +ago. I still don’t know where that leaves us. I’ve been too shy to
    1.22 +ask him what we are now, if he’ll be my boyfriend, or any of it. I
    1.23 +blush as these thoughts swirl around my head like my Sakura Cards.
    1.24 +Can he tell I’m blushing? Does he know what I’m thinking? Is this it?
    1.25 +Will he finally tell me how he feels? In a way, I’ve been waiting for
    1.26 +years for this moment. Ever since he left. And now that it’s here, I
    1.27 +feel faint, anxious. I hold my heart, trying to keep the beating in. 
    1.28 +
    1.29 +He pushes off of the fence, taking a step forward. He’s looking
    1.30 +forward at the doorway I came through. He was always shy. I guess he
    1.31 +still hasn’t gotten over that. He can’t even look at me. But then,
    1.32 +who am I to talk? I’ve always been really shy myself. Half the time I
    1.33 +need Tomoyo-chan to push me forward enough to do anything
    1.34 +embarrassing. Which makes this so nerve wracking with the both of us.
    1.35 +Neither of us knows what to say, what to do. 
    1.36 +
    1.37 +“I’m going back to China,” Syaoran finally says, his hands in his
    1.38 +pockets. He says it like it’s not a big thing. Like it’s just one of
    1.39 +those things that happen. Something simple like the weather. Not
    1.40 +important in the least. 
    1.41 +
    1.42 +I can only stare at his back, my hands balled up against myself. I’m
    1.43 +terrified at his words. Back? He’s going back? But he can’t go back.
    1.44 +He just got here! I waited the past few years to see him again and
    1.45 +now he’s leaving? Don’t I get some sort of explanation? Something?
    1.46 +Please? Tears burn in my eyes. My mouth opens and closes, nothing but
    1.47 +an injured whimper coming out. I shake my head. My heart races. I
    1.48 +feel like if I don’t say something now, I’ll never have the chance
    1.49 +again. Like he’ll disappear before I even have a chance to say
    1.50 +anything.
    1.51 +
    1.52 +He takes another step forward, towards the door. He’s not good at
    1.53 +these things either. He was never good at his emotions. But now I
    1.54 +can’t tell what he’s feeling at all. Is he leaving on his own? Is his
    1.55 +mother forcing him? Will he come back to me? Will I be left waiting
    1.56 +again?
    1.57 +
    1.58 +“Why?” I ask at last, my voice wavering. I can’t even see him
    1.59 +clearly anymore. He’s just a watery outline. I blink and blink and
    1.60 +blink, but the tears won’t go away. My mind races back to when he had
    1.61 +told me that he liked me for the first time. To when he had to go
    1.62 +back home to China. To the teddy bear I gave him so that he’d
    1.63 +remember me. Does he still have it? I ask myself, my mind jumping
    1.64 +about randomly. I’m spiraling. Please, someone catch me. I’ve lost my
    1.65 +footing and I’m tumbling. The world’s spinning around me and I’m too
    1.66 +scared to open my eyes. 
    1.67 +
    1.68 +“I came back to tell you that I’m engaged. I’ll be marrying Meiling
    1.69 +in a few years,” he states after a moment. His voice is it’s usual
    1.70 +harsh self. As if he can handle anger and frustration better than
    1.71 +anything else. To keep it all away. 
    1.72 +
    1.73 +Engaged? My eyes shoot open, though I still can’t see anything but
    1.74 +colors and shapes bleeding together through my tears. The word hits
    1.75 +me like a rock thrown through a window. Cracked and splintered, the
    1.76 +pieces of my heart crumble to the floor around my feet. He came back
    1.77 +to tell me he was engaged? All this week I’ve been blushing and
    1.78 +waiting for him to ask me out, to be with him, and he’s already
    1.79 +engaged? 
    1.80 +
    1.81 +I’m an idiot. How could I be so dense? Whatever had been between us
    1.82 +was gone. I should have seen it. But I can be so dense. I just kept
    1.83 +thinking that after all of this time, he’d have come back to me. Like
    1.84 +a fairy tale. But he can’t be my prince. He’s been trying to tell me
    1.85 +this whole time. All of those awkward pauses when I’d talk to him,
    1.86 +all of the times when he wouldn’t return my gaze. And I hadn’t
    1.87 +suspected in the least. Tears spill down my cheeks, dripping down my
    1.88 +chin. 
    1.89 +
    1.90 +I smile shakily, tears still streaming down my face. “Tell
    1.91 +Meiling... that I’m very happy for her...” Why do I feel like Tomoyo
    1.92 +right now? I see her smiling brightly in my mind, my image
    1.93 +superimposed over hers. Whatever the reason, I try to give him my
    1.94 +blessing, whether or not he’ll accept it. Why not? What else can I
    1.95 +do? If he loves her, then there’s nothing I can do about it. You
    1.96 +can’t make someone love you. 
    1.97 +
    1.98 +Syaoran nods once, swallowing. He pauses for a moment, as if
    1.99 +contemplating something. After a second that stretches on into the
   1.100 +distance, he walks to the door. I don’t even see him leave. My eyes
   1.101 +are shut too tightly. I hear the door slam and it wedges splinters
   1.102 +into my heart. There goes my chance. Everything I wanted to say to
   1.103 +him, everything I should have said to him, I’ve lost my chance. He’s
   1.104 +gone. I want for all the world to reach out and stop him, but I know
   1.105 +I can’t. It’s funny. I’m the world’s most powerful mage and yet right
   1.106 +now I feel so incredibly weak and fragile. A weak breeze could
   1.107 +shatter me and scatter me about into the wind.
   1.108 +
   1.109 +I collapse against the fence, sobbing bitterly. I want to wrench my
   1.110 +heart out, to hold out the torn up object as far away from me as I
   1.111 +can. Anything to stop this sick, sinking feeling that pulls me
   1.112 +further and further down. I just want it to stop. How could this have
   1.113 +happened? Ever since he left, I had been waiting for the day we would
   1.114 +be together again, for when he would return to me. But it wasn’t
   1.115 +supposed to be like this! It was never supposed to be like this. 
   1.116 +
   1.117 +My face convulses in the hideous image of crying. I feel ashamed
   1.118 +each time my face does that, each time my lips curl and my eyes
   1.119 +squeeze shut. And that makes me cry harder. ‘Crying never solves
   1.120 +anything,’ I hear him say. He had always said that when I’d wind up
   1.121 +crying. He tried to make me look for a solution. To do something
   1.122 +rather than cry over it. But there’s no solution right now. And I’m
   1.123 +too tired to look, my weary soul wanting to retreat and cover its
   1.124 +wounds. I can only cry. 
   1.125 +
   1.126 +Turning against the fence, clinging to it for support, I see him
   1.127 +walking away from school. She’s waiting for him, near a limousine.
   1.128 +His bride to be. The girl he loves. Everything I thought I wanted to
   1.129 +be. And now never would. I watch through a blurry haze of tears as he
   1.130 +kisses her. 
   1.131 +
   1.132 +My heart rolls about like a boat caught in a tsunami. One of my
   1.133 +hands rests on my chest as if I’m trying to hold my heart in, so it
   1.134 +won’t fall out and shatter on the floor. But even if it did fall out,
   1.135 +even if it shattered into a million tiny pieces, I know she would
   1.136 +gently pick up every tiny fragment and piece it all back together. No
   1.137 +matter how long it took. No matter how bloody her fingers would get
   1.138 +from picking up the countless jagged shards. And she would do it all
   1.139 +with that same loving smile she always gives me. The same warm smile
   1.140 +she’s giving me right now, that motherly, unconditionally loving
   1.141 +smile that soothes my soul the same way that my mother’s fingers
   1.142 +through my hair used to when I was a child. “I thought he liked me,”
   1.143 +I whisper tearfully, my voice breaking. I didn’t even see her get
   1.144 +here. Didn’t hear her footsteps. Yet here she is. My guardian angel.
   1.145 +
   1.146 +Tomoyo reaches out, taking my hand gently in her own. Her fingers
   1.147 +entwine with my own, her palm warm against mine. “Love does
   1.148 +unexpected things sometimes,” she replies in her soft, musical voice.
   1.149 +“We don’t choose who we fall in love with. And sometimes the one we
   1.150 +love can’t love us back.” Her other hand lovingly strokes over mine
   1.151 +as she holds it. She’s watching me through her stormy blue eyes even
   1.152 +as I watch Syaoran disappear into the limousine. Of course. Because
   1.153 +he’s not what matters to her. She only wants to make things better
   1.154 +for me. To her, I’m the important part of all of this. I still can’t
   1.155 +understand how she sees me that way. How I could be that important to
   1.156 +her. She’s the best friend I could ever hope for.
   1.157 +
   1.158 +I break down, crying harder. It’s strange. It was bad when I was
   1.159 +alone, but now that she’s here, I feel like a floodgate’s been opened
   1.160 +and everything is pouring out. I cling to her, nearly knocking her
   1.161 +over. I hold her tightly, tight enough to leave bruises on her
   1.162 +delicate, pale skin. But she doesn’t complain. She never complains.
   1.163 +She simply holds me, stroking my hair with her lithe fingers. And I
   1.164 +sob into her shoulder, my tears soaking the fabric of her school
   1.165 +blouse. My body shudders against hers, my face burying against her.
   1.166 +“Why?” I choke out, my voice muffled through the cloth. 
   1.167 +
   1.168 +She rests her head against mine, her long, dark hair falling against
   1.169 +me. “I don’t know, Sakura-chan...” she whispers, her voice sounding
   1.170 +so tiny and fragile. “I wish I did.” She turns, kissing my forehead,
   1.171 +her stormy blue eyes shut. That thought scares me more than anything
   1.172 +else that’s happened today. Tomoyo-chan is the most insightful person
   1.173 +I know. She’s always known so much. Especially about people’s hearts.
   1.174 +And yet even she couldn’t give me an answer now. She’s met this
   1.175 +before. With her own mother. With herself and that person she loves
   1.176 +but can’t tell. Now with me. It doesn’t seem fair. “If I knew, I
   1.177 +would do everything I could to make sure it never happened to you
   1.178 +again,” Tomoyo promises me, rubbing my back, her fingers trailing up
   1.179 +and down my spine as she tries to soothe my shaking body. 
   1.180 +
   1.181 +“Tomoyo-chan,” I whimper, hanging from her. I don’t even have the
   1.182 +strength to stand on my own. I feel so drained. Chains drag me down,
   1.183 +pulling me further and further. She’s my only safe haven. I dread the
   1.184 +thought of leaving her embrace, of having to deal with all of this on
   1.185 +my own again. I hold on tighter, not wanting to let go, ever. “I’m
   1.186 +sorry, Tomoyo-chan... I shouldn’t be crying like this... Crying never
   1.187 +fixes anything...” I’ve learned that much, at least, right? So why
   1.188 +can’t I stop these tears from coming?
   1.189 +
   1.190 +Her hands caress my tear stained cheeks, lifting my gaze up to meet
   1.191 +her own. Her stormy blue eyes look directly into me, past everything
   1.192 +to my soul deep inside, as if she can see everything I am. I can’t
   1.193 +look away, her eyes holding me in place. “Don’t ever be sorry for
   1.194 +crying, Sakura-chan. We all bleed sometimes. Crying is the same. Our
   1.195 +tears build up inside and sometimes they need to spill out. If they
   1.196 +didn’t, we’d drown in them. I don’t want my beautiful Sakura-chan
   1.197 +drowning in a pool of tears. Sometimes you can’t fix things.
   1.198 +Sometimes there’s nothing to do but cry and pick yourself up and
   1.199 +carry on. Sakura-chan, I’ll always be there to help you get back up.
   1.200 +I’ll always be your shoulder to cry on. Whoever breaks your heart,
   1.201 +I’ll always try my hardest to mend it.” She leans forward, her eyes
   1.202 +closing. My heart thumps rapidly in my chest. Her soft lips press
   1.203 +against my cheek. She kisses again and again, trailing kisses over my
   1.204 +cheeks. I can only stand there, my cheeks tinted a faint crimson as
   1.205 +her lips move over me. She slowly pulls back, taking my eyes with her
   1.206 +own again. “I’ll always be there to kiss away your tears,” she
   1.207 +promises. I would never doubt her. Out of anyone, she’s the one I
   1.208 +would never doubt even if the world were falling apart around me. 
   1.209 +
   1.210 +Nothing is fixed. But everything is better. I can’t help but smile
   1.211 +at her, even through my tears. How did I ever get lucky enough to
   1.212 +have a best friend like her? Everyone should have their own Tomoyo-
   1.213 +chan, someone who cradles your heart like a holy relic, who is always
   1.214 +there to catch you when you fall. But I would never want to share my
   1.215 +Tomoyo-chan. I can’t imagine being without her. I pull her closer, my
   1.216 +arms tightly around her waist. She moves with my urgings, ready to
   1.217 +placate me in any way she can. I’m stronger than her, so it’s easy to
   1.218 +pull her close. But I think, deep down, Tomoyo is stronger than all
   1.219 +of us. She tells me how strong I am. But without her, I'm nothing.
   1.220 +She’s my strength. She’s my courage. She’s my light in the darkness.
   1.221 +“Everything will always be all right,” I whisper, chanting her words
   1.222 +from so long ago, “only because I’m with you...”
   1.223 +
   1.224 +Even I can tell that her pale cheeks are darkening at my words. But
   1.225 +they’re true. I want her to know that. She’s what makes it all
   1.226 +worthwhile. She’s what makes it all turn out all right. With her, I
   1.227 +could face anything. Her arms are around my shoulders, her long dark
   1.228 +hair fluttering about in the wind. She smiles, still blushing. The
   1.229 +smallest things like that make her happy. But it’s simply a fact. I
   1.230 +just wanted her to know that. I want to do bigger, better things to
   1.231 +make her happy. If only I knew how. I’m only a clumsy, somewhat
   1.232 +dense, overemotional teenage girl. 
   1.233 +
   1.234 +We’re kissing. I don’t even know who started it. But I really don’t
   1.235 +care at this point. I pull her tighter against me, never getting her
   1.236 +quite close enough. I’ll apologize for her bruises later. I’ll kiss
   1.237 +them all away. Right now I need her as close to me as I can get her.
   1.238 +I need her lips against mine. I need her. She clings to me, her hands
   1.239 +pressed against my back. Her deep kisses are a far cry from the
   1.240 +feathery kisses we had started with what felt like an eternity ago. I
   1.241 +blush myself as I feel my beautiful best friend kissing away all of
   1.242 +my tears, all of my pain, her tongue swirling against mine. Right now
   1.243 +we don’t need any words. Nothing diluted, nothing distant or
   1.244 +filtered. Just pure Tomoyo at her very essence. All that she is, all
   1.245 +that I am, making something much more. 
   1.246 +
   1.247 +Tomoyo always came to my rescue. Whenever I was in trouble. She
   1.248 +didn’t need a sword or magic. She’s always been my hero. She came to
   1.249 +me with a camcorder and costumes, with love and adoration. She made
   1.250 +me the star of her life. And it’s time I finally showed this small,
   1.251 +delicate behind-the-scenes girl that she can play center stage in my
   1.252 +life.