1.1 --- /dev/null	Thu Jan 01 00:00:00 1970 +0000
     1.2 +++ b/old/stories/empty_coffin.txt	Fri Feb 19 20:53:12 2010 -0500
     1.3 @@ -0,0 +1,137 @@
     1.4 +Author's note: Hello, everyone! ^-^ This is the second poem type thing
     1.5 +I've written and it's also from Tomoyo's point of view. I admit it's 
     1.6 +a little strange, but I was in an awkward mood while I was writing it.
     1.7 +^-^;;; Anyway, I really hope you all enjoy it at the least. ^-^ If 
     1.8 +you have the time, please e-mail me what you think. ^-^
     1.9 +
    1.10 +Empty Coffin
    1.11 +By Amazoness Duo
    1.12 +amazonessduo@hotmail.com
    1.13 +
    1.14 +When the lights go out, you go to sleep.
    1.15 +And I’m free to finally be myself.
    1.16 +By myself.
    1.17 +But even I don’t know who I am. 
    1.18 +I’m left wondering who this person is.
    1.19 +And why she always seems so sad. 
    1.20 +Always on the edge of chaos.
    1.21 +Just a tiny push...
    1.22 +
    1.23 +No one sees the little girl.
    1.24 +No one sees the tears.
    1.25 +That’s not how I want it. 
    1.26 +But is it my fault? 
    1.27 +Are the masks I wear too good?
    1.28 +Do they hide me from you so well that you can’t see me?
    1.29 +I demand that you see me for who I am. 
    1.30 +That you look past the masks, past the layers to the girl underneath.
    1.31 +That you finally see the tears. 
    1.32 +But I know that you can’t.
    1.33 +Because I won’t allow you to.
    1.34 +I stand in the shadows as you pass, letting them envelope me.
    1.35 +Caress me.
    1.36 +Consume me. 
    1.37 +
    1.38 +I am happy, quirky, thoughtful, helpful.
    1.39 +I am sad, lonely, depressing, suicidal.
    1.40 +I am two halves of one whole. 
    1.41 +But I am not complete. 
    1.42 +What you see, what you think you see, is not what is in front of you.
    1.43 +You see what I want you to see, what you want to see.
    1.44 +And that girl is not me. 
    1.45 +I hate her. 
    1.46 +And I know that she hates me.
    1.47 +The same way you would hate me, if you only knew.
    1.48 +
    1.49 +Do you know that my smiles are tinged with fear?
    1.50 +That my laughs are covering tears?
    1.51 +That my words cover silence deeper than the rips in my soul?
    1.52 +No, because for you it’s not there. 
    1.53 +No one sees me. 
    1.54 +No one hears my screams or my sobs. 
    1.55 +But that’s all right, I guess.
    1.56 +Because they would never understand. 
    1.57 +Because even I don’t understand the girl in the mirror.
    1.58 +
    1.59 +I don’t want to be alone.
    1.60 +But I always am.
    1.61 +Even in a crowded room. 
    1.62 +A crowd is not company.
    1.63 +They are a gallery of faces.
    1.64 +Just as I am merely a painting, showing only what they want to see,
    1.65 +Hiding the fear, the pain, and insecurities from plain view.
    1.66 +
    1.67 +I’m nailed to the floor, calling out a name.
    1.68 +The pain, the heartache, gnaws at my soul as I struggle to escape.
    1.69 +But everyone gets mad, they all get angry when I try. 
    1.70 +No one wants me to leave, but no one cares if I stay. 
    1.71 +I don’t understand at all. 
    1.72 +I don’t want to go, but I have to get out. 
    1.73 +I’m trapped in this dungeon, unable to flee the stares that haunt me.
    1.74 +If I stay here much longer, I don’t think I’ll be able to hold up this lie.
    1.75 +I want to be the truth, I want to fly free.
    1.76 +So why won’t anyone let me soar?
    1.77 +
    1.78 +If I died tomorrow, no one would notice I was gone.
    1.79 +Just like a shadow, no one ever saw me in the first place.
    1.80 +And they would bury my empty coffin, never thinking to look at the girl who 
    1.81 +was never there.
    1.82 +So in the end, I have to wonder if I ever was.
    1.83 +Am I just an afterthought? 
    1.84 +Here to give a little shading to the surroundings?
    1.85 +Or was I just never finished?
    1.86 +I’m incomplete, an unfinished product.
    1.87 +All sorts of broken pieces and insecurities and half finished characteristics 
    1.88 +hastily thrown together.
    1.89 +I’m in the bargain bin, the finished product will be shipped next Tuesday.
    1.90 +I don’t make sense at all.
    1.91 +I’m contradictory to my very existence.
    1.92 +
    1.93 +Icy cold rivers guide my way through a dense forest. 
    1.94 +I can’t see my way, the current leading me further and further through the 
    1.95 +darkness.
    1.96 +Where am I going and why?
    1.97 +Will I ever know?
    1.98 +Will someone ever tell me?
    1.99 +I want to be your angel. 
   1.100 +I want you to hold me, to know me for who I truly am.
   1.101 +But I’m too covered in shadows, draped in darkness.
   1.102 +My dreams are too close to nightmares now. 
   1.103 +I’m afraid of myself, afraid of who or what I am. 
   1.104 +But I smile. 
   1.105 +And still everyone walks past, not seeing me anymore than if I was never there.
   1.106 +And I wonder if that just means I’m successful at masking who I am.
   1.107 +So successful that I can hide from everyone. 
   1.108 +That no one will ever know who I really am. 
   1.109 +That nothing can touch my cold, shredded heart.
   1.110 +Lucky me.
   1.111 +I’m so happy.
   1.112 +So I’ll cry.
   1.113 +
   1.114 +Everyone has secrets that they long to hide.
   1.115 +They forever keep them locked away, hoping that no one will unearth them.
   1.116 +Burying them in the backyard, keeping them hidden by flowers and meaningless 
   1.117 +conversation and barbecues.
   1.118 +I am the secret and I’m struggling to get free. 
   1.119 +I want you to know me. 
   1.120 +I want to get rid of the girl that pretends she’s me,
   1.121 +Smiling and sweet, kind and gentle.
   1.122 +The one you forget while she’s still in the same room as you.
   1.123 +My sweet little twin that makes all of her appearances the few times I’m around 
   1.124 +people.
   1.125 +I watch the whole thing from the shadows, unseen by all, but seeing her trying 
   1.126 +so hard to please.
   1.127 +If I killed her, would anyone notice? 
   1.128 +Of course not.
   1.129 +But then I could be your nightmare. 
   1.130 +
   1.131 +In the end, what is more real?
   1.132 +The me that everyone sees all day, or the me that only I know?
   1.133 +Seeing is believing and that demon that only appears when the lights are out or 
   1.134 +the doors are all closed
   1.135 +Is nothing more than a myth to all those that ‘know’ me.
   1.136 +In that case, believe what you will. 
   1.137 +I’ll always be that girl for you.
   1.138 +Smiling and sweet, kind and forgettable. 
   1.139 +But inside my empty coffin, I’ll continue to scream into the darkness.
   1.140 +And only I will hear it, through my laughter.