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     1.2 +++ b/old/stories/dreiseranth.txt	Fri Feb 19 20:53:12 2010 -0500
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     1.4 +
     1.5 +
     1.6 +Letting Go
     1.7 +
     1.8 +By: Dreiser
     1.9 +
    1.10 +
    1.11 +	The cool night air touches my skin and I shiver under its soft
    1.12 +assault. Clasping my hands on the thick marble of the balcony I study
    1.13 +the night sky.
    1.14 +	The sky is black. Black reminds me of death. Death reminds
    1.15 +me of myself.
    1.16 +	A slight wind kicks up and I hug myself for warmth as I watch
    1.17 +the steady lap of the waves hitting the beach. Since I was little I've
    1.18 +loved the ocean.
    1.19 +	It reminds me of the comforts and safety of childhood. When
    1.20 +things were much more simple.
    1.21 +	As a child I knew what I wanted and I asked for it. It may
    1.22 +have taken me awhile to work up the courage to ask but nevertheless
    1.23 +I asked. And when I did I was usually rewarded by receiving
    1.24 +whatever I had asked for.
    1.25 +	I'm now an adult and have since realized that simply asking for
    1.26 +something doesn't always insure that you'll get it.
    1.27 +	Over the years I've always longed for one thing and one thing
    1.28 +only but I've yet to ask for it.
    1.29 +	I doubt very much that I'll ever be able to work up the
    1.30 +courage to ask for it. As painful as it is sometimes you have to realize
    1.31 +that some things will remain unattainable.
    1.32 +	And for me she will always remain unattainable.
    1.33 +	"Aren't you cold out here?"
    1.34 +	My eyes close at the irony of the situation. I simply think of
    1.35 +her and she appears. The Kami must enjoy to torture me because I
    1.36 +can find no other explanation for the horrible string of luck in my life.
    1.37 +	I look to her and give a small smile.
    1.38 +	"I don't mind the cold. I was looking at the stars. They're
    1.39 +pretty, aren't they?"
    1.40 +	She walks closer and stops next to me. Her gentle hands rest
    1.41 +on the balcony as she tilts her head back to stare into the night sky
    1.42 +that once preoccupied me so.
    1.43 +	"They're very pretty."
    1.44 +	Her gaze locks with my own and she adds softly.
    1.45 +	"Just like you."
    1.46 +	I duck my eyes and I can feel my cheeks flush from her
    1.47 +words. Why must she always tease me so? I know that nothing can
    1.48 +come from it. She's much too good for me and I know it. Her strength
    1.49 +is amazing and it is because I've seen that strength with my own eyes
    1.50 +that I know she would never want an emotional weakling like me.
    1.51 +	"Thank you."
    1.52 +	"For what? All I did was tell the truth."
    1.53 +	There's a hint of rage in her voice and I meet her eyes upon
    1.54 +hearing it. She studies me closely and I shrink under her gaze. It has
    1.55 +always bothered me... the attention of others.
    1.56 +	She suddenly sets her jaw and questions.
    1.57 +	"You don't believe me do you? You think I was just being
    1.58 +nice when I said that you were pretty."
    1.59 +	I blink at the anger in her words and I can only stare at her
    1.60 +helplessly as she continues on.
    1.61 +	"I wouldn't lie about something like that! Why would I? What
    1.62 +purpose would it serve?"
    1.63 +	In a movement of obvious frustration she shakes her head and
    1.64 +runs her fingers through tousled bangs. She gives a ragged sigh and
    1.65 +looks to me.
    1.66 +	"You're the only one who can do this to me, you do know
    1.67 +that right? I've had to learn perfect diplomacy over the years but as
    1.68 +soon as I talk to you..." She rolls her eyes and says wryly, "It seems
    1.69 +to fly right out the window."
    1.70 +	There is a long moment of silence and I study her through
    1.71 +lidded eyes before I offer my defense.
    1.72 +	"I'm sorry."
    1.73 +	Her gaze drops to the railing of the balcony and she slumps
    1.74 +onto it burying her head in her arms. She sighs once again and says in
    1.75 +muffled tones.
    1.76 +	"Sorry for what? You didn't do anything. You never do
    1.77 +anything. It's always me."
    1.78 +	My body goes numb when I hear this. I never do anything?
    1.79 +She doesn't know just how right she is. After all, I've let countless
    1.80 +years pass without ever doing anything about my feelings for her.
    1.81 +While she keeps trying... for some reason she keeps trying to be
    1.82 +friends with me.
    1.83 +	I lock my gaze onto her. She has lifted her head and her chin
    1.84 +rests on her arms as she stares out into the ocean. I desire her... I
    1.85 +want her... I love her...
    1.86 +	It's about time that I told her that.
    1.87 +	"It embarrasses me when you give me compliments. It
    1.88 +embarrasses me because of how they make me feel."
    1.89 +	She looks up at me in quiet disbelief.
    1.90 +	"How... how do they make you feel?"
    1.91 +	"Loved."
    1.92 +	"Loved?"
    1.93 +	"Yes. I know you don't love me--"
    1.94 +	"Of course I do! You're my best friend! I--"
    1.95 +	I shake my head at this and interrupt her with gentle words
    1.96 +laced with steel.
    1.97 +	"No. I meant that you don't love me as I love you. I know that
    1.98 +you care for me as a friend but I no longer care for you that way."
    1.99 +	In a smooth graceful movement she pushes herself up to stand
   1.100 +at her full height across from me. She reaches out to take my hand
   1.101 +tenderly into her own.
   1.102 +	"I don't understand what you're saying."
   1.103 +	My eyes remain focused on the cold marble of the balcony
   1.104 +floor. Slowly I lift my gaze to meet hers and swallowing the lump in
   1.105 +my throat I say simply.
   1.106 +	"I'm in love with you. I love you not as a friend but as a lover.
   1.107 +I have for quite some time now and that's why I've pushed you away
   1.108 +these past few years. It hurts too much to be with you and to still...
   1.109 +not be with you."
   1.110 +	She releases my hands and turns from me. I watch as her
   1.111 +shoulders tense while she grips the railing to the balcony.
   1.112 +	"You're in love with me?"
   1.113 +	Before I can reply she faces me and her eyes are glowing with
   1.114 +a ferocity I've never seen in her.
   1.115 +	"You've been in love with me for years now and you never felt
   1.116 +the need to tell me before now? Didn't you think that this is something
   1.117 +I'd like to know about?"
   1.118 +	I blink at this. I never expected her to be indignant or angry at
   1.119 +me. Disgust or pity were the emotions that I had been expecting to
   1.120 +see from her. I meet her eyes then offer my oldest and most used
   1.121 +defense.
   1.122 +	"I'm sorry."
   1.123 +	"You're sorry? Is that all you can say?!"
   1.124 +	She gives a sudden cry of frustration and looking up to the
   1.125 +heavens she mutters to herself. When she lowers her eyes to meet
   1.126 +mine she sighs and says.
   1.127 +	"Idiot. I'm in love with you too."
   1.128 +	My eyes go wide at this and I whisper.
   1.129 +	"Really?"
   1.130 +	At this she laughs lightly and walks to me. She gently cups my
   1.131 +face in her hands and I shiver as I feel her hot breath on my skin. Our
   1.132 +lips are millimeters apart as she replies.
   1.133 +	"Really."
   1.134 +	We draw together in a searing embrace and when we pull
   1.135 +apart from the need of air I can feel myself smiling. Her head rests on
   1.136 +my chest and I pull her closer. Hoping it isn't a dream I say her name.
   1.137 +	"Chibiusa."
   1.138 +	She lifts her head and warm scarlet eyes smile at me. The tips
   1.139 +of her fingers lightly caress my face and she says my name softly like it
   1.140 +was a prayer.
   1.141 +	"Hotaru."
   1.142 +	Our smiles deepen and as we move in for another passionate
   1.143 +embrace I can feel myself let go of my fears from the past because
   1.144 +now I have everything I've ever wanted.
   1.145 +	And everything I could've ever asked for.
   1.146 +
   1.147 +-End-
   1.148 +
   1.149 +Both characters from this fanfiction are from Sailor Moon. I came up
   1.150 +with this fanfic because some friends asked me to try a hand at this
   1.151 +couple. I normally don't think of Chibausa and Hotaru in romantic
   1.152 +terms but since reading the fanfics by the Amazoness Duo I've
   1.153 +changed my mind. Please don't write to me saying that these
   1.154 +characters are much too young for this sort of thing. I realize that and I
   1.155 +did age them appropriately in this story so nothing scandalous would
   1.156 +be going on. Now I'm off to listen to the Key: The Metal Idol
   1.157 +soundtrack.
   1.158 +
   1.159 +Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
   1.160 +
   1.161 +"Hanging onto the past, it only stands in the way. We have to go for a
   1.162 +love that lasts."
   1.163 +-Tina Turner-
   1.164 +
   1.165 +
   1.166 +