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     1.4 +Title: The Different Path
     1.5 +Author: Matthias Engel aka MysticMew
     1.6 +Feedback: Solarsenshi@gmx.de
     1.7 +Status: Alpha
     1.8 +Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)
     1.9 +Rating: PG(-13) (Nothing serious, really)
    1.10 +Category: Romance, Darkish and Drama (at the beginning)
    1.11 +Pairing: Sakura/Tomoyo
    1.12 +Timeline: Hard to pinpoint, begins years after the manga and then... 
    1.13 +well, you'll see.
    1.14 +Summary: When you realize your feelings too late, there is nothing you 
    1.15 +can do. No force in existence can undo what is fixed in time... Or is 
    1.16 +there?
    1.17 +Distribution: MSD (www.catstrio.de), Shoujo Ai.com (www.shoujoai.com), 
    1.18 +ff.net (www.fanfiction.net), Mediaminer (www.mediaminer.org), others 
    1.19 +may follow. If you like this fic for your story, please tell me, I'm 
    1.20 +not likely to put stones in your way, but I like to know where it 
    1.21 +goes.
    1.22 +Legal Disclaimer: This story features two females romantically 
    1.23 +involved. If that is illegal where you are or entirely not your thing, 
    1.24 +turn around and leave now.
    1.25 +Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura belongs to CLAMP and assorted 
    1.26 +companies, I claim no right on the characters and original storyline.
    1.27 +Story Disclaimer: The Different Path(c)2003 by Matthias Engel
    1.28 +
    1.29 +******************************
    1.30 +
    1.31 +Foreword
    1.32 +
    1.33 +Hi, there. And another new fandom for me. :) It has taken me awhile to 
    1.34 +get around and finally get into CCS. I am not sure myself anymore why 
    1.35 +I never was interested in it before since I do love CLAMP's work (a 
    1.36 +big Rayearth fan after all). But now I finally did read the manga (at 
    1.37 +least a fan-translated version) and I think I am rather addicted now. 
    1.38 +;)
    1.39 +This story follows the plot of the manga. I have only seen the first 
    1.40 +six episodes of the anime so far (local, German dub) and quite frankly 
    1.41 +I tend to stick to the original most of the time anyway with facts. 
    1.42 +Often anime leaves out so many important things. This is important 
    1.43 +because there is a card in this story that I know exists in the anime 
    1.44 +but not in the manga. Try to forget what you know about the additional 
    1.45 +cards in the anime, it won't be the same.
    1.46 +Bear with me, I finished the manga recently and have read a couple of 
    1.47 +CCS fics. Compared to my knowledge about other anime/manga, I am still 
    1.48 +trying to get a clear grasp on the characters, their feelings and 
    1.49 +thoughts (an aspect rather important to my style of writing), so it 
    1.50 +might seem a little rough here and there. I hope you still like it. 
    1.51 +This has been produced in more or less one day... if I count together 
    1.52 +the hours. I began Friday morning and finished it later today, 
    1.53 +Saturday. It's hard to give a clear writing time as I tend to do with 
    1.54 +my other rare short stories since it hasn't been done in one session - 
    1.55 +so I won't.
    1.56 +This might become part of a series. MIGHT.
    1.57 +Now enough with the intro notes. Enjoy!
    1.58 +
    1.59 +******************************
    1.60 +
    1.61 +The Different Path
    1.62 +Based on the works of CLAMP
    1.63 +Story Concept by Matthias Engel
    1.64 +
    1.65 +******************************
    1.66 +
    1.67 +A lone raven was steadily crowing, the sharp, barking sounds almost 
    1.68 +like a fierce protector, a fierce protector of what lay beyond the 
    1.69 +metal fence on which he was perched atop. His eyes were gleaming - 
    1.70 +malevolent one might say - eying the trio in its guarded sanctuary 
    1.71 +with wary eyes. It probably thought no less of us than the usual 
    1.72 +disturbances that had taken a hold of not only this lonely place of 
    1.73 +eternal rest but the entire world... and probably much more. That was 
    1.74 +most likely of little interest to the raven as it sat, guarding, alone 
    1.75 +but never lonely, the spirits always a detached company...
    1.76 +	I met the ruby eyes of the raven and held his gaze for a couple 
    1.77 +of seconds, satisfied only when the small creature nodded sharply 
    1.78 +once, emitting a low screech, turning away once again to look out for 
    1.79 +more... intruders. I smiled but the smile lacked emotion, bitter and 
    1.80 +twisted, barely even a ghost of what it had once been anymore. Where 
    1.81 +was no purpose for that smile anymore. For what would you smile if 
    1.82 +there was nothing left?
    1.83 +	I glanced up into the midnight sky and the angry black and 
    1.84 +crimson-tainted clouds overshadowing every light. It had been this way 
    1.85 +for a long time now. And ever since a few days ago, that was all the 
    1.86 +world would ever see. Walking silently past the rows and rows of 
    1.87 +stones, marking the resting places of those that left this world 
    1.88 +already, I could not deny the thought that maybe those that already 
    1.89 +left before everything started were better off. They had left in 
    1.90 +relative peace, most of them probably content with their time spent 
    1.91 +here. I knew that sounded rather harsh but it didn't feel particular 
    1.92 +illogical.
    1.93 +	I never quite liked graveyards. I think in my youth it was a mix 
    1.94 +of the silent longing for my mother whenever we visited her grave and 
    1.95 +the very atmosphere itself. Oniichan had forever sealed my fear of 
    1.96 +ghosts in place. Now, years later, I still felt a tiny shudder albeit 
    1.97 +knowing now that ghosts were not something you had to worry about - 
    1.98 +there were far more dangerous and scarier things out there. Now, 
    1.99 +leaving behind the neatly arranged rows of graves - the flowers 
   1.100 +everywhere already starting to wither and die from the lack of 
   1.101 +sunlight these days - I decided that I hated graveyards even more. I 
   1.102 +guess I never was someone who liked to say goodbye and this place had 
   1.103 +taken too much from me to feel even neutral about it.
   1.104 +	I passed by my parents' graves, side by side, stopping for a 
   1.105 +moment to pay my respect and make sure that Flower's magic was still 
   1.106 +working. Continuing on I did the same with Touya's. Glancing to the 
   1.107 +side my more or less monotone features softened into an expression of 
   1.108 +compassion. Yue stood in silence, not moving, as if in prayer. Maybe 
   1.109 +he was, I couldn't quite tell.
   1.110 +	Quietly slipping past him I went to the end of the row, two 
   1.111 +beautifully decorated tombstones were left, sustained by magic and 
   1.112 +protect from the darkness engulfing the world, like a tiny spot of 
   1.113 +light in an ocean of shadows...
   1.114 +	
   1.115 +	Syaoran Li
   1.116 +	1982 - 2001
   1.117 +	Brave and courageous, he protected his loved ones until the end.
   1.118 +
   1.119 +	A spot of light that in the end wasn't much more than an echo, 
   1.120 +just like the light of the distant stars that reached us was an echo 
   1.121 +of a long time ago. You can see but you can't reach for it, because 
   1.122 +the moment you do, you only realize it is long gone already.
   1.123 +
   1.124 +	Daidouji Tomoyo
   1.125 +	1982 - 2001
   1.126 +	
   1.127 +	A light in the darkness, always there, always giving. She was 
   1.128 +our heart, taking the burdens we could not. Her rest shall be 
   1.129 +peaceful, for if anyone, she deserves it most.
   1.130 +	A tear slipped past my eyelids, down my cheeks, before dropping 
   1.131 +to the ground at my feet unhindered. I thought I'd lost the ability to 
   1.132 +cry long ago, the endless pool finally drained dry. Yet, it still 
   1.133 +wasn't enough. The human heart was not made for that kind of torture, 
   1.134 +especially not such a young one, I mused. I could feel it even now, 
   1.135 +the soundless cry, like a crescendo bubbling to the surface to be 
   1.136 +finally released without sound because sound was incapable of doing 
   1.137 +the emotions inside justice.
   1.138 +	For days I had cried myself to sleep afterwards, asking myself, 
   1.139 +wondering where it had gone wrong, what we had done to deserve this. 
   1.140 +Nothing, I suppose. We were all just pawns in the big game after all. 
   1.141 +It was our fate. Everything would surely be alright... as long as it 
   1.142 +was convenient.
   1.143 +	I knelt down to trace the letters on the cold... dead... stone. 
   1.144 +One after another. Every word bringing a new emotion, a new memory. I 
   1.145 +let them wash over me. Years spend so innocently, without care, 
   1.146 +without the knowledge that everything would eventually be gone, far 
   1.147 +sooner than we could ever imagine. I had been so naïve back then. A 
   1.148 +part of me didn't want to regret it, but another part was filled with 
   1.149 +immeasurable guilt of the decisions I made so totally in disregard of 
   1.150 +the effect they had for those around me. These last nights I had 
   1.151 +contemplated, theorized what I could have done. But in the end, there 
   1.152 +was no simple solution. Even if I had known back then, I would have 
   1.153 +had to make a decision, people I cared about would still be hurt. It 
   1.154 +would just have been... a different path.
   1.155 +	A happier path?
   1.156 +	I didn't know. Even though the situation called for it lately, I 
   1.157 +never invoked the power to see the future. If I had known, I was sure, 
   1.158 +it would have been far more brutal. Clow had known his own death and 
   1.159 +could do nothing about it. Knowing the future was not the same as 
   1.160 +standing above it, of being untouchable. You could know everything but 
   1.161 +in the end, you also knew it would happen this way or another. And 
   1.162 +knowing that and being unable to do anything about it had to hurt far 
   1.163 +worse.
   1.164 +	Losing Syaoran and Tomoyo had been the most painful thing that 
   1.165 +ever happened to me. I was sure I would follow them soon enough, but 
   1.166 +now a different option had presented itself and I clung to it with the 
   1.167 +same fierce determination that had sparked me, driven me onwards in 
   1.168 +capturing the Clow Cards as a child, the same determination that 
   1.169 +fueled every remotely important task in my life. I thought I lost it 
   1.170 +and maybe that was true in some sense. The feeling now was... 
   1.171 +different. Tainted, desperate. It wasn't the kind of belief anymore 
   1.172 +that everything would be alright because I wished it to be. This 
   1.173 +feeling was far more... radical I suppose is the best way. I would 
   1.174 +make everything alright, no matter the cost.
   1.175 +	All that was left now was to make a choice. Then again, maybe it 
   1.176 +wasn't as much a choice anymore as it had become a decision already. I 
   1.177 +never thought I'd ever be forced to choose between them and ironically 
   1.178 +I never had to until now. But now it was inevitable... as was the 
   1.179 +decision I made.
   1.180 +	Standing up, I fingered the tiny key chain and unclasped it from 
   1.181 +around my neck. "I'm sorry, Kerberos, Yue," I said softly as I turned 
   1.182 +away from the graves to face them. The two guardians looked at me 
   1.183 +startled, not quite understanding. I expected as much. Yue seemed 
   1.184 +impassive as he studied me, but he had turned away from Touya's grave 
   1.185 +to face me, silently trying to perceive the nature of my words. 
   1.186 +Kero-chan floated in place for a moment, obviously not quite sure how 
   1.187 +to react. He was confused, that much I could tell. I was never any 
   1.188 +good with reading emotions but I was sure he had to be wondering why I 
   1.189 +would apologize.
   1.190 +	Well, he would know soon.
   1.191 +	The tiny key flared in my hands. I didn't bother to call its 
   1.192 +power just yet. "Light, Dark," I said in a firmer voice, "come forth." 
   1.193 +Two cards appeared in the air before me. One exploding into bright, 
   1.194 +yet soft light and the other into dark, calming darkness, before both 
   1.195 +formed tiny, sprite-like figures, female in nature - though I never 
   1.196 +quite asked if they really HAD a gender.
   1.197 +	The two souls of the cards knelt on one knee, heads bowed for a 
   1.198 +moment before glancing up to regard me respectfully with a compassion 
   1.199 +that always managed to warm my heart even in the darkest hour. They 
   1.200 +were bound to my heart, I knew as much. From all the cards, Light and 
   1.201 +Dark were closest to me. That is why I almost expected them to know 
   1.202 +the reason of their summon.
   1.203 +	"What do you wish of us, Mistress?" Light asked in a musical 
   1.204 +tone that was comforting but sad at the same time. They knew what was 
   1.205 +going on inside me, I was sure of that. They always seemed to know my 
   1.206 +heart, probably better than I did myself. The turmoil in my heart and 
   1.207 +soul seemed to be as evident to the two sprites as if it was the most 
   1.208 +simple thing in the world. They never told me though, making sure that 
   1.209 +I realized my own feelings rather than making the decisions for me. 
   1.210 +That was for my best, I knew, but still I wished they would have 
   1.211 +helped me realize one thing earlier. Maybe I could have at least 
   1.212 +changed that tiny, yet so important aspect of our lives.
   1.213 +	The graveyard was enveloped in silence, even the crow had 
   1.214 +stopped its shrill voice filling the area in almost periodically 
   1.215 +fashion.
   1.216 +	"Take me to Time."
   1.217 +	And the words shattered the silence like a thunderclap that had 
   1.218 +split Earth itself apart. Agitated the lone graveyard's guardian began 
   1.219 +crowing violently as if somehow completely understanding the impact of 
   1.220 +these words. I could swear Yue almost tumbled backwards, his eyes 
   1.221 +flashing in fearful understanding and... I didn't know, I was never 
   1.222 +really good with emotions, after all.
   1.223 +	Kero-chan on the other hand was ready to explode, a myriad of 
   1.224 +emotion playing over his tiny face I didn't even try to categorize. He 
   1.225 +opened his mouth to speak, probably a lecture already on his lips, but 
   1.226 +closed it again at the desperately pleading look I send him. I could 
   1.227 +see a silent war going on inside of him and it was showing outside as 
   1.228 +well in the tremors shaking the tiny body.
   1.229 +	"How do you know about...?" Yue trailed off, his voice with a 
   1.230 +note of anguish. Surely this had to seem like a déjà vu to him. Just 
   1.231 +like Clow, now me. The circumstances were different but in the end 
   1.232 +he... they would lose me as they lost their previous master.
   1.233 +	I had a dream last night. I hadn't had prophetic dreams in quite 
   1.234 +some time, not even when the true horror begun. The dream hadn't been 
   1.235 +really prophetic either, more like a revelation, the key to a door, 
   1.236 +the last door, the final way out. A tempting way, wrought with more 
   1.237 +perils and hardships as seemed to be worth the trouble. But there was 
   1.238 +nothing left that would make it a risk. This WAS my last chance.
   1.239 +	That is not what I said, I don't think the how really mattered 
   1.240 +to them anyway. Instead I focused on the two sprites again, wishing 
   1.241 +that I wouldn't have to explain my reasoning. I had never seen them as 
   1.242 +startled and frightened before which left me to believe that they 
   1.243 +hadn't exactly known my intent after all. But even though they didn't 
   1.244 +know the intent, the reasoning behind it was not lost on them. And 
   1.245 +while they denied me a lot of things they believed not to be in favor 
   1.246 +of my happiness, there was not a sliver of resistance now, as they 
   1.247 +spoke as one, "As you wish, Mistress."
   1.248 +	I felt the power swirling around me. A beautiful twilight 
   1.249 +wrapping me in a cocoon. Reality was being bend all around me as 
   1.250 +ancient seals and powerful wards were unlocked by the duo's powers. It 
   1.251 +was as my dream had told me. Alone I would have never been able to 
   1.252 +break through, only Light and Dark held the key.
   1.253 +	"Wait, let me go with you!" I heard Kero-chan shouting as the 
   1.254 +world slowly faded out around me.
   1.255 +	"I will go as well!" added Yue fiercely.
   1.256 +	I smiled, sadness and joy mingling. They had been so loyal to 
   1.257 +me. Especially Yue who had always seemed to regret choosing a new 
   1.258 +master albeit caring a lot about me. They had always been by my side, 
   1.259 +supporting me, no matter what. That was why I couldn't accept that 
   1.260 +offer.
   1.261 +	"I'm sorry, Kerberos, Yue. The consequences would be to dire for 
   1.262 +anyone else to experience." I looked at them through the haze of now 
   1.263 +multi-colored light and managed - for a tiny moment - to bring 
   1.264 +conviction to the smile in my face as I wiped away a tear from my 
   1.265 +face. "Don't worry," I almost whispered, "everything will surely be 
   1.266 +alright."
   1.267 +
   1.268 +******************************
   1.269 +
   1.270 +	The shift was rather swift and I was surprised by how gentle the 
   1.271 +method of transport had been. Somehow, from the importance indicated 
   1.272 +by the heavy warding I had felt, I had expected a far rougher ride 
   1.273 +than that. Opening my eyes I mused that one without magic sight or 
   1.274 +senses would probably think they were still... in-between. But I could 
   1.275 +tell we had long left the pathway to this ancient chamber where one of 
   1.276 +the most powerful forces lay hidden, concealed, sealed so that it 
   1.277 +could never be used by anyone or anything. The repercussions were far 
   1.278 +too dangerous.
   1.279 +	"Are you certain that is what you wish," asked Light, her voice 
   1.280 +thick with emotion as she stared ahead into the swirl of colors that 
   1.281 +seemed to be everywhere, making up every tiny inch of the chamber. I 
   1.282 +could feel the edges but I couldn't quite perceive it.
   1.283 +	"Even Clow deemed Time to dangerous to ever be used," Dark added 
   1.284 +softly. "He couldn't destroy the card after creating it, so he sealed 
   1.285 +it away." Dark turned to me and put a hand on my shoulder. Her eyes 
   1.286 +were unusually thick with emotion. "Even if you are stronger than he 
   1.287 +ever was, there is no guarantee your wish will be granted. Time will 
   1.288 +choose whether to obey or not. You cannot force it."
   1.289 +	I smiled ruefully. "If all that I've done so far was not enough 
   1.290 +to prepare me for this moment, then I have no right to be your 
   1.291 +Mistress." Closing my eyes, I held onto a single image from not long 
   1.292 +ago, the one thing that motivated me to do this, that left me no 
   1.293 +choice in the matter. "She's always believed in me," I said quietly. 
   1.294 +"They all did. I will put this right. I HAVE TO put this right. If it 
   1.295 +means sacrificing myself in the process, so be it."
   1.296 +	I felt Dark pull away and opened my eyes to see her join Light a 
   1.297 +few steps ahead. "Very well," her opposite said and I could swear I 
   1.298 +saw a few tears glitter in her eyes. A small pang in my heart made me 
   1.299 +shudder. They loved me so much. Not out of respect or fear of my power 
   1.300 +as with Clow, but because I had always treated them as friends. They 
   1.301 +felt my sadness, my anguish at the loss I experienced and even more 
   1.302 +so... I knew without a doubt that they would support my decision 
   1.303 +without hesitation. This would be my biggest challenge. But I wasn't 
   1.304 +completely alone after all.
   1.305 +	Suddenly the kaleidoscope of colors seemed to shift and then 
   1.306 +parted, like a giant veil pulled back. My senses flared violently, 
   1.307 +overloaded with the onslaught of reactions, the enormous power I felt 
   1.308 +from the presence floating in midair before me was hard to actually 
   1.309 +grasp. I could feel the magic radiating with a magnificence in which 
   1.310 +even Light and Dark, even Kerberors and Yue, simply paled.
   1.311 +	Firming my resolve I stepped forward, the key still clasped in 
   1.312 +my right hand floated upwards over my outstretched palm. An almost 
   1.313 +eerie calm began to settle in my heart and even when the sprite-like 
   1.314 +figure above me turned a challenging gaze towards me, I only shortly 
   1.315 +stilled to return the gaze. We both knew why I was here and we both 
   1.316 +knew that I would not turn back now.
   1.317 +	"Key," I started to chant the familiar phrase, my voice firm and 
   1.318 +strong, "that hides the power of the stars! Reveal your true power to 
   1.319 +me! I, Sakura, command you by contract! RELEASE!"
   1.320 +	With a flare of power the key expanded, grew in size until it 
   1.321 +became a staff longer than myself, a golden star rested on top of it. 
   1.322 +I could feel the magic running through it. If there was one thing that 
   1.323 +I had really gotten good at over the years, then it was mastering the 
   1.324 +power inside of myself. Yet it had not been enough at the moment it 
   1.325 +mattered. This time I would succeed though. I would not fail, I could 
   1.326 +not fail. I had to succeed!
   1.327 +	Time didn't bother asking questions or trying to scare me away. 
   1.328 +I barely had time to erect a defense but felt it torn to pieces by 
   1.329 +forces far beyond my comprehension. I staggered as my whole body was 
   1.330 +assaulted by waves of temporal magic, threatening to literally tear me 
   1.331 +apart. I sank to one knee, stunned, grasping tightly onto the staff. 
   1.332 +It was hard to concentrate, hard to form a plan of attack. How could I 
   1.333 +have been so foolish? I should have made a plan, I should have 
   1.334 +anticipated that Time couldn't be beaten by willpower alone. Time was 
   1.335 +a force nearly untouchable. What could the worldly elements at my 
   1.336 +disposal do against it?
   1.337 +	Memories began crashing into my mind, too many to count or pick 
   1.338 +out a single one. Fond memories, sad memories, happy times, hard 
   1.339 +times. One moment though stood out like a brightly-lit Tokyo Tower 
   1.340 +over nighttime Tokyo. Tomoyo in my arms, dying. Syaoran was already 
   1.341 +gone, protecting us heroically but at the end even that was in vain. I 
   1.342 +hadn't had much time to grief for him but the memory still stung 
   1.343 +painfully, yet the memory of Tomoyo was simply overwhelming because 
   1.344 +too many emotions were caught up in it.
   1.345 +	*I am glad to die in Sakura's arms...*
   1.346 +	I hadn't been quite sure if I had really heard those words at 
   1.347 +first because the shock was too big and my disbelief to great. 
   1.348 +However, they had been there. And it had been that moment I 
   1.349 +understood. It had been that moment I understood everything. The 
   1.350 +realization had slammed into me like a bullet train at full speed and 
   1.351 +it HURT. Kami-sama, it still hurt and would never stop hurting. My 
   1.352 +mind had been weighed down and drowned by the feelings of shame and 
   1.353 +guilt, the terrible injustice I had done my best friend. I had been 
   1.354 +ignorant, even when I grew up, I never saw it.
   1.355 +	Maybe I never wanted to see it. Tomoyo continued giving and 
   1.356 +giving. I knew something was bothering her but she'd never let me 
   1.357 +know, always brushed it aside. And what had I done? I had lived out my 
   1.358 +fairytale - that Tomoyo had so carefully helped crafting - right in 
   1.359 +front of her eyes. Whenever I had a problem with Syaoran I went to 
   1.360 +her, not knowing what I did to her. Yes, she wanted me happy and 
   1.361 +sincerely thought I was. I wasn't even disagreeing. I was happy. I 
   1.362 +loved Syaoron. But was that fair to Tomoyo? Was it even necessary to 
   1.363 +ask that question?
   1.364 +	I could not give up! I had to make this right again!
   1.365 +	The pressure began to dim and my eyes snapped open. All the 
   1.366 +Sakura Cards were surrounding me in a circle, even Light and Dark had 
   1.367 +joined them again. They were struggling to hold Time's power back and 
   1.368 +I could feel their struggle but also their souls joining with mine, 
   1.369 +fueling my determination as much as they shared my pain. Struggling to 
   1.370 +stand again, I focused my will, staring up at Time who impassively 
   1.371 +stared back, yet there was something... expectant.
   1.372 +	*Time cannot be forced.*
   1.373 +	Did that mean the card had to willingly choose to grant my 
   1.374 +request? How was I supposed to do that? Was there some key? Some 
   1.375 +particular aspect that needed to be met? Was it even worth pondering? 
   1.376 +I had made my decision and I would go through with it. I was the 
   1.377 +strongest mage in the world, I had to be able to do it!
   1.378 +	"Everything will surely be alright."
   1.379 +	That was my magic phrase. However, it had been Tomoyo who had 
   1.380 +fueled it. It was ironic actually. Only now that she was gone, I 
   1.381 +realized that it held little meaning without her here. How could 
   1.382 +everything be alright with Tomoyo gone? That had been another of the 
   1.383 +bittersweet realizations at that moment when I held her dying form in 
   1.384 +my arms. I did love Syaroan, Tomoyo hadn't been wrong there. However, 
   1.385 +she had made one crucial mistake. I did love her too. Not as a best 
   1.386 +friend but more. I needed her to be there, support me whenever I 
   1.387 +needed it. And I could always count on her to actually be there. Even 
   1.388 +after the engagement was official and the wedding announced, she still 
   1.389 +staid. Regardless of how it must have pained her.
   1.390 +	Yet, while I loved Syaroan, there was simply no way he could 
   1.391 +compare to Tomoyo. No, I didn't mean that I loved him less because I 
   1.392 +certainly didn't. The feelings for the two of them were different and 
   1.393 +couldn't just be compared. However, there was one thing that set them 
   1.394 +apart. While I loved Syaroan and he loved me, he didn't need me. 
   1.395 +Tomoyo did need me. And - as bitter as it sounded - I didn't need 
   1.396 +Syaoran nearly as much as I needed Tomoyo. I never wanted to make a 
   1.397 +choice between them, however, this simple and at the same time 
   1.398 +astonishing realization made it all so much easier this morning, when 
   1.399 +I made my decision after the dream. It was hard and I wished I 
   1.400 +wouldn't have to, yet there was only that one path to take now.
   1.401 +	The different path.
   1.402 +	This would hurt people, it would hurt Syaoran and it hurt me 
   1.403 +already to do this to him. However, there simply was no other 
   1.404 +alternative. I could try to do it all again, preventing their deaths, 
   1.405 +but that wasn't fair to them either. Especially not to Tomoyo. She 
   1.406 +would continue to give and give, completely missing in her selfless 
   1.407 +love the one possibility that her own happiness might have had a 
   1.408 +chance to be fulfilled in the process.
   1.409 +	A memory of Tomoyo with a look of utter faith in her eyes, 
   1.410 +telling me that she knew I would always be there to save her, flashed 
   1.411 +through my mind.
   1.412 +	Rooting my wand firmly into the ground, I stood unyielding 
   1.413 +against the magical storm of temporal energy around the circle of 
   1.414 +cards. I didn't need words now. Without a single command uttered the 
   1.415 +cards spread out. The non-element cards formed a wider outer circle. 
   1.416 +Woody, Earthy, Fiery, Windy and Watery positioned themselves at the 
   1.417 +edges of the outer ring, thin lines of magic binding them together in 
   1.418 +a five-pointed star. Finally Light and Dark settled to my left and 
   1.419 +right, completing the perfect circle.
   1.420 +	A white flare of magic engulfed the circle and expanded, pushing 
   1.421 +back against the enormous energies as I stared up at Time, trying to 
   1.422 +focus all my feelings in one last action. I wouldn't need more. Just 
   1.423 +this one thing. I had been so selfish already in my life, especially 
   1.424 +compared to Tomoyo. This wasn't for me. This was for her. I needed to 
   1.425 +set this right, to give back the happiness I had so carelessly taken 
   1.426 +without ever asking for the price.
   1.427 +	"RETURN TO YOUR ORIGINAL FORM..."
   1.428 +	The star on the wand flared brighter than I've ever seen it do 
   1.429 +before. Time had been always in motion ever since I laid my eyes on 
   1.430 +it, flowing through shapes, positions, ages... Now it stilled for a 
   1.431 +short moment, purple eyes gazing at me in now unconcealed expectation.
   1.432 +	"And grant me this one wish," I whispered even though my voice 
   1.433 +still echoed clear and loud in the surreal chamber.
   1.434 +	"CLOW CARD!"
   1.435 +	White and golden light mingled, turning into a thick pillar of 
   1.436 +magical energy as I thrust my staff upwards, the wand touching the 
   1.437 +sprite form of the card. I closed my eyes at the brightness of the 
   1.438 +light and so I could only hear the whisper, like the wind rustling 
   1.439 +through leaves or water gently flowing in a lake, yet as vivid and 
   1.440 +passionate as an inferno of flames or as shattering as an earthquake.
   1.441 +	"Granted."
   1.442 +	And then everything fell into darkness.
   1.443 +
   1.444 +******************************
   1.445 +
   1.446 +	Gradually I became aware of sounds and other sensations around 
   1.447 +me. My head was still spinning as if I was on a sugar overdose or 
   1.448 +something. There was the soft, somewhat familiar ticking sound of a 
   1.449 +clock and the light in the room was still rather dim, so it had to be 
   1.450 +early morning, probably before dawn. I was sitting on the ground for 
   1.451 +some reason and my body felt stiff, tired and something was really off 
   1.452 +about it...
   1.453 +	I blinked my eyes slowly, channeling a bit of magic to relieve 
   1.454 +the fuzziness in my mind enough to get my bearings.
   1.455 +	My room.
   1.456 +	My old room.
   1.457 +	I glanced down at myself, noticing an almost finished teddy in 
   1.458 +my tiny hands.
   1.459 +	Oh.
   1.460 +	Well, I guess it worked. I was baffled though why exactly I 
   1.461 +actually... remembered. My initial plan had been to move back to that 
   1.462 +moment and act as something like a... guide for my younger self. Then 
   1.463 +again, I have no idea how time travel really is supposed to work - and 
   1.464 +there probably are not many people you can ask about it. Also, I knew 
   1.465 +there would be consequences - this might be just one of them - and I 
   1.466 +had learned that every Clow Card had had a different idea of how to 
   1.467 +use their magic in their own special way.
   1.468 +	It... worked.
   1.469 +	The realization came a bit slowly. My mind still a little 
   1.470 +detached as the reality sank in. A soft smile tugged at my lips.
   1.471 +	It really did work!
   1.472 +	Alright, maybe not exactly as I planned but... I had been given 
   1.473 +a second chance.
   1.474 +	"Sakura?"
   1.475 +	I whipped my head around and saw Kero floating behind me a 
   1.476 +little uncertainly. He must have sensed something was off, probably 
   1.477 +the card's magic. As if on cue, there was a burst of light in front of 
   1.478 +me, startling Kero and making me look back. It was the Clow Card that 
   1.479 +fell out of midair into my waiting hands. Well, a Sakura Card now. The 
   1.480 +design had changed. I hadn't even tried to transform it but judged by 
   1.481 +the amount of magic I put into it...
   1.482 +	"Sakura?" Kero floated over my shoulder, looked down at the card 
   1.483 +and almost fainted.
   1.484 +
   1.485 +******************************
   1.486 +
   1.487 +	I'm not sure how long I stood there, letting my mind drift. I 
   1.488 +had barely ever seen Tomoyo practice since choir and cheerleading 
   1.489 +clubs usually crossed and also later in Junior High and High School I 
   1.490 +never really seemed to manage. I decided that was a real shame and 
   1.491 +from now on I would make it a habit whenever I could find the time. 
   1.492 +Entering the music hall of our school I had stopped, nearly freezing 
   1.493 +in the doorframe before remembering to close the door behind me in 
   1.494 +order to not disturb the practice. I had come in right in the middle 
   1.495 +of a slow, almost melancholic song and my eyes had sought out Tomoyo 
   1.496 +like a moth drawn to the flame.
   1.497 +	It had only been a couple of days in my old time that I lost her 
   1.498 +and Syaoran but it felt like a small eternity. I had always known that 
   1.499 +Tomoyo was flat out beautiful and thought it a shame that she didn't 
   1.500 +seem to have many suitors or always kindly refused them - due to 
   1.501 +reasons I was to blind to see. But God forgive me, she is gorgeous. 
   1.502 +Even now as a child the sight was breathtaking and somewhat ethereal. 
   1.503 +It didn't seem to be normal for such an angel to walk among us.
   1.504 +	And her voice, her voice. I had always loved her singing. 
   1.505 +Whether it was a slow, emotional song or something faster, more... 
   1.506 +vivid, Tomoyo somehow managed to meet the expectations perfectly.
   1.507 +	It was becoming a torture. I wanted to close my eyes and lose 
   1.508 +myself in the music, in the sweet voice of my best friend... and now 
   1.509 +suddenly so much more. Yet, I could not bring my eyes to leave her 
   1.510 +form for a single moment. I wondered if my reaction was a little silly 
   1.511 +but discarded the thought quickly. It had been living hell without 
   1.512 +Syaoran and Tomoyo there the last days.
   1.513 +	Speaking to Syaoran had been painful. At least I didn't have 
   1.514 +trouble with getting to him at the last possible second this time. 
   1.515 +What Kero-chan had told me a couple of years ago - relatively seen of 
   1.516 +course - was proving to be true. The strength of one's magic was bound 
   1.517 +to the spirit, the heart, and was fueled by the soul. The transition 
   1.518 +into this younger body would probably only have the side effects that 
   1.519 +my body would have to accustom to the strain of channeling the kind of 
   1.520 +magic I had developed over the years.
   1.521 +	Syaroan had been... understanding. Hurt... no, disappointed, but 
   1.522 +still understanding. I'm not sure if he knew about Tomoyo's feelings 
   1.523 +but considering how much everyone around me seemed to know such things 
   1.524 +before I could even begin to suspect something was there, I thought it 
   1.525 +a distant possibility. Saying "no" was still difficult to do because I 
   1.526 +hated to lie, I didn't even really lie to him. All that I could say 
   1.527 +was that I did love him but that there was someone else who I loved 
   1.528 +equally and who needed me more. We had promised to stay in contact and 
   1.529 +that was it. I would always treasure the memories of the future that I 
   1.530 +left behind, the times spent together, but I had made my decision. I 
   1.531 +had been living out most of my fairytale and I couldn't help but think 
   1.532 +it selfish after the recent events and after realizing Tomoyo's 
   1.533 +feelings. This time I vowed to be the selfless one.
   1.534 +	Tomoyo had been so lost in singing that now, nearing the end of 
   1.535 +the song, she almost stumbled over a note as her gaze briefly gazed 
   1.536 +up. Her blue eyes briefly blinked in wonder - probably wondering why I 
   1.537 +was here and not at the bus station, seeing Syaroan off. I held her 
   1.538 +gaze until the final lyrics were sung. For once I could clearly read 
   1.539 +Tomoyo. She was confused. Usually she always had been able to read me 
   1.540 +like a book. However, now Tomoyo had virtually no idea what was going 
   1.541 +on. I had to suppress a giggle.
   1.542 +	The song ended and a pause was called, giving me the opportunity 
   1.543 +I waited for. Waiting by the door, I followed Tomoyo's every step as 
   1.544 +she slowly approached my position. I admit I was a little nervous, 
   1.545 +tiny butterflies were doing flip flops in my stomach but I managed to 
   1.546 +control my nervousness. This is why I had begun this after all. To set 
   1.547 +things right. Time had granted me the opportunity, now it was up to me 
   1.548 +to use it. But had I really interpreted all this right? What if I 
   1.549 +ended up making a terrible mistake and once again totally understood 
   1.550 +someone's feelings for what they were not? What if Tomoyo really just 
   1.551 +loved me as a devoted friend? What if...?
   1.552 +	Gah! Get a grip, girl!
   1.553 +	I couldn't have been wrong. I never felt so completely sure 
   1.554 +about something. Besides, even if for some weird reason I had 
   1.555 +misjudged the other girl's feelings, I wasn't doing this out of pity. 
   1.556 +I would NEVER do that to anyone. Tomoyo wouldn't want that and I 
   1.557 +didn't think I could live a lie. This decision was based on the 
   1.558 +newfound knowledge just as much as on my own jumbled feelings that had 
   1.559 +finally began to make sense even to my usually dense mind. It had 
   1.560 +taken losing Tomoyo but I did understand now and Tomoyo was here. So, 
   1.561 +even if I had gotten her feelings wrong, I would love her nonetheless, 
   1.562 +unconditionally. Even if I had to be a selfless, supporting friend. 
   1.563 +Because that is what she had been to me all this time and she deserved 
   1.564 +no less from me now.
   1.565 +	Mind and heart set, I pushed away from the wall, to meet the 
   1.566 +lavender-haired girl who still wore an expression of extreme 
   1.567 +puzzlement. But now there was also worry and something else I couldn't 
   1.568 +quite decipher.
   1.569 +	"Sakura-chan?" Tomoyo asked tentatively, sounding as if she 
   1.570 +wasn't sure if it was really me. Then it hit me. She wasn't sure. As I 
   1.571 +said before Tomoyo always seemed to know me better than I did myself 
   1.572 +and she must have noticed the change. Physically I might still have 
   1.573 +been a ten-year old but mentally...
   1.574 +	I met her eyes again, not bothering to try and hold back 
   1.575 +anymore. A moment of silence followed, neither daring to broach the 
   1.576 +subject. I was certain she knew that despite the difference I still 
   1.577 +was Sakura, otherwise she would have said so already. Finally Tomoyo's 
   1.578 +gaze turned worried again. "Did you see Li-kun? I tried to call you 
   1.579 +but..."
   1.580 +	"I did," I said simply.
   1.581 +	Tomoyo smiled that sweet smile of hers that with what I knew now 
   1.582 +left me wondering how much of it was fake and how much genuine. She 
   1.583 +was still a kid but even at this age Tomoyo always had been mature far 
   1.584 +beyond her years. "I'm glad. So, did you tell him your feelings?"
   1.585 +	"I did," I answered again. Taking a deep breath I stepped a 
   1.586 +little closer to the other girl, my hands still hid behind my back, so 
   1.587 +that the young heiress couldn't see what I was holding. "And I do love 
   1.588 +him." Tomoyo's smile faltered for a very, very tiny moment. I would 
   1.589 +have never seen it if I hadn't known what to look for. I was certain 
   1.590 +now. "But there's someone I love just as much and who needs me more 
   1.591 +than he does."
   1.592 +	Tomoyo tilted her head, again looking confused, there was a 
   1.593 +glimmer of... hope in her eyes but it instantly vanished again. Well, 
   1.594 +not for long, I would make sure of that. "Who's that?"
   1.595 +	Ah, I didn't know that my friend could be so cute when she was 
   1.596 +baffled about something. Probably because I had rarely ever seen her 
   1.597 +like this. She almost never was surprised by anything. I smiled at 
   1.598 +her, for the first time in days - maybe even weeks or months - a 
   1.599 +radiant smile was brought to my lips and it was all directed at 
   1.600 +Tomoyo. I could swear the other girl nearly fainted. "You see," I 
   1.601 +continued, wishing nothing more than to plunge ahead and confess but 
   1.602 +needing to clear this up, "if it comes down to it, it hurt knowing 
   1.603 +that Syaoran-kun left but both of us eventually can live without the 
   1.604 +other. Syaoran doesn't necessarily need me to give his life meaning 
   1.605 +and neither do I need him for that. However," I fixed the girl in 
   1.606 +front of me with an intent gaze, "I don't think I can live without 
   1.607 +you. Can you?"
   1.608 +	Tomoyo's voice was thick with emotion and I could see tears 
   1.609 +glistering in her eyes, a rather rare thing but I was certain they 
   1.610 +were more joyful than sad. "What... What do you mean?" she whispered 
   1.611 +softly.
   1.612 +	Finally bringing around my hands I held out the neatly-crafted 
   1.613 +bear to her. My skills in sewing had improved a little and so I had 
   1.614 +found it easier to finish it... not to mention I did it a lot faster, 
   1.615 +leaving me enough time to talk to Syaroan and get here. Trying to 
   1.616 +convey all the honesty and emotion that I had tried to understand for 
   1.617 +so long and now finally did, I answered earnestly. "It means I decided 
   1.618 +that I want you to be my special person, Tomoyo-chan."
   1.619 +	For a long moment the other girl just stood there, stunned and 
   1.620 +lost for words. When she finally reached out to take the bear from my 
   1.621 +hands, her own hands were trembling and I felt myself almost drowning 
   1.622 +in the swirl of blue eyes, moist with tears, resembling a whirlpool of 
   1.623 +emotions. I have never seen such joy in my friend's eyes. Not once. 
   1.624 +"Can... Can I name it Sakura?"
   1.625 +	I smiled at her warmly. "No, you can't. I insist on it." And 
   1.626 +with that I stepped forward, nearly crushing my new namesake as I 
   1.627 +enveloped Tomoyo in a crushing embrace, full of all the love, the 
   1.628 +intensity of how much I had missed her. It was a little awkward for me 
   1.629 +at first since I was still trying to get used to being ten years again 
   1.630 +but I quickly relaxed in the close contact, cherishing the relief and 
   1.631 +the incredible joy crashing through me like a tidal wave.
   1.632 +	"I love you, Tomoyo-chan," I whispered, my head buried in the 
   1.633 +silky, lavender hair I had always adored and envied a little.
   1.634 +	Tomoyo sniffled a few times before she managed to reply. "I love 
   1.635 +you, too. Even if you are not exactly my Sakura-chan."
   1.636 +	I smiled faintly and a bit rueful, pushing her away gently to 
   1.637 +hold her on arm's length. Making sure she was looking at me, I softly 
   1.638 +said, "I am your Sakura. A bit older than I should probably be, but 
   1.639 +being here with you makes me happier than I have been in a long time. 
   1.640 +Because of you, I can smile again. You are right, I am not totally the 
   1.641 +innocent girl you knew anymore but one thing I will always be..." 
   1.642 +Leaning forward I planted a feather-light peck on the lips of a 
   1.643 +pleasantly surprised Tomoyo who looked like she was going to light the 
   1.644 +entire building soon, judged by the bright glow of utter bliss in her 
   1.645 +face. I knew more wouldn't seem quite right. We were still kids, 
   1.646 +physically, after all. "I will always be yours, as long as you want to 
   1.647 +have me and even if you don't."
   1.648 +	This time it was Tomoyo who pulled me into a hug without meeting 
   1.649 +much resistance. "I will always be yours as well. I never doubted you 
   1.650 +were Sakura and in the end it doesn't matter that you are a little 
   1.651 +different. I love everything about you, that never has been a 
   1.652 +question. Younger or older, it doesn't matter."
   1.653 +	We stood there, right next to the door, locked in a tight 
   1.654 +embrace, not caring about the world around us or the stares of some of 
   1.655 +the other students. It didn't matter right now. Our hearts were one 
   1.656 +for this timeless moment, finally at peace and where they always 
   1.657 +longed to be. Yes, my decision had been the right one after all. I 
   1.658 +hadn't lied to Tomoyo either. I knew that with her by my side, I could 
   1.659 +gain back some of the innocence and freedom of my youth and with time 
   1.660 +the memories of the last days would dwindle to nothing more than a 
   1.661 +long nightmare that faded away gradually after waking. There would be 
   1.662 +consequences for my actions. I knew that much and Kero-chan had 
   1.663 +reminded me again and again after he found out but I was sure with my 
   1.664 +best... my girlfriend - another honest smile - by my side, together, 
   1.665 +we could face it all. After all, WE had a magic phrase.
   1.666 +	Everything will surely be alright.
   1.667 +
   1.668 +THE END
   1.669 +(will possibly be continued)
   1.670 +
   1.671 +Author's Notes
   1.672 +
   1.673 +Well, that was fun. I seem to be getting better at short stories 
   1.674 +lately. Again, as I said in the beginning, it might be a little rough. 
   1.675 +A lot of my impression on the characters (especially Sakura since its 
   1.676 +her POV) came from reading the manga once and from some fanfics. I am 
   1.677 +still trying to build a clear picture of the charas in my mind.
   1.678 +I want to thank Heather (from Amazoness Duo) and G.P. again for their 
   1.679 +wonderful story "Dear Sakura". That had been the first CCS fic I read 
   1.680 +with almost the full knowledge of the manga in mind and I believe it 
   1.681 +will always influences my opinion of the characters in a way. I 
   1.682 +wouldn't say this was what prompted me to write this, but it helped 
   1.683 +immensely.
   1.684 +
   1.685 +Anyway, I am aware that there are a lot of open questions. Like, what 
   1.686 +did happen in the original timeline? Or what are the consequences for 
   1.687 +using/capturing Time? Why has it been sealed away in the first place? 
   1.688 +I did leave all those unanswered. First of all it would have been too 
   1.689 +much to fit into a short story and then... it leaves me opportunities 
   1.690 +for sequels. :) *looks over shoulder* Maia (my muse) is probably 
   1.691 +already planning... *sigh*
   1.692 +
   1.693 +That's it then. Feedback is always appreciated. Email is in the header 
   1.694 +(or probably linked anyway wherever you find this). I appreciate 
   1.695 +constructive criticism, positive or negative, but will never refuse 
   1.696 +simple feedback (like, "Liked the story").
   1.697 +
   1.698 +Ja ne, yours
   1.699 +
   1.700 +Matthias
   1.701 +