1.1 --- /dev/null	Thu Jan 01 00:00:00 1970 +0000
     1.2 +++ b/old/stories/dearsakura-20.txt	Fri Feb 19 20:53:12 2010 -0500
     1.3 @@ -0,0 +1,417 @@
     1.4 +Dear Sakura
     1.5 +Fireflies and Cherry Blossoms
     1.6 +by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
     1.7 +amazonessduo@hotmail.com
     1.8 +pearsong1954@yahoo.com
     1.9 +
    1.10 +
    1.11 +	“This is just what I needed. Work has been so busy lately, hasn’t
    1.12 +it, Tomoyo-chan? I think we both needed a chance to finally relax for
    1.13 +once,” Sonomi observed as she and her daughter walked around all of
    1.14 +the booths that had been set up at the shrine. The two Daidouji women
    1.15 +were resplendent in their kimonos. Sonomi had become more and more
    1.16 +concerned about her daughter’s welfare after finding her crying near
    1.17 +the mailbox several days earlier. But as usual, Tomoyo had tried
    1.18 +desperately not to worry her. And if Sonomi couldn’t get Tomoyo to
    1.19 +tell her what was wrong, how could she help? Of course, she had a
    1.20 +fairly good idea of what was bothering Tomoyo. Sakura. Sonomi
    1.21 +mentally twitched at the thought. Sakura was such a wonderful girl,
    1.22 +but the business woman was having a very difficult time keeping her
    1.23 +anger in check when it came to the Cardmistress. Seeing her daughter
    1.24 +in so much pain was heart wrenching to the distraught mother. Ever
    1.25 +since Tomoyo had returned from Hong Kong, something heavy had been
    1.26 +weighing down on the dark haired girl’s soul. Sonomi had been
    1.27 +thrilled to hear about Tomoyo’s experiences with Nadeshiko’s
    1.28 +daughter, but it seemed that her daughter had brought back something
    1.29 +other than happy memories from her trip. Something dark that had
    1.30 +wrapped around Tomoyo’s heart, it’s thorns piercing the gentle
    1.31 +object. So Sonomi had tried to get Tomoyo away from it all by taking
    1.32 +her out to a festival. The business woman dealt with her own pain by
    1.33 +focusing on other things, whether it be work or athletics or her
    1.34 +daughter. It helped her to forget that she had lost the one most dear
    1.35 +to her. It allowed her to be distracted from the ice cold anguish
    1.36 +that languished in her heart. She only hoped that the same thing
    1.37 +would help her precocious daughter.
    1.38 +	“Hai, okaa-sama. It’s been very busy lately with the new deadline
    1.39 +coming up. But I’m sure that even with the added pressure, you’ll
    1.40 +have everything perfectly wrapped up in time. You always do such a
    1.41 +wonderful job of keeping things under control,” Tomoyo’s soft voice
    1.42 +replied. Pale fingers brushed back her braided hair from her eyes as
    1.43 +she looked forward. Noticing that Sonomi was watching her carefully,
    1.44 +she plastered on her typically charming smile and shined it at her
    1.45 +mother, though it felt fake and see through to her. She hadn’t wanted
    1.46 +to go and would have protested, but she didn’t want to worry her
    1.47 +mother. Poor Sonomi had been through enough without seeing the pain
    1.48 +in Tomoyo’s shattered heart. She needed to hold on long enough so as
    1.49 +not to concern the older woman. But it was so difficult to keep a
    1.50 +grasp on her masks. They felt brittle, translucent. Her inner turmoil
    1.51 +was making it impossible to hide the pain for much longer. So this
    1.52 +would be her last performance. When this show was over, she would
    1.53 +once and for all throw her masks away, tossing away the once
    1.54 +cherished mental barriers that had up till now protected those she
    1.55 +loved from her own pain. After all, there would be no one to worry
    1.56 +about hurting after that so they wold no longer be necessary. But for
    1.57 +now, she would perform her best for her mother. The thought reminded
    1.58 +her of when she was a child, how she had always sang her best when
    1.59 +Sakura had been in the audience or when Sonomi had managed to sneak
    1.60 +away from work long enough to listen to her daughter’s singing on
    1.61 +stage. It brought a small, sad smile to her lips. She always had
    1.62 +performed the best for those two, whether it be singing or hiding her
    1.63 +feelings. Unfortunately, it worked a lot better on Sakura than it did
    1.64 +with Sonomi. Her mother always managed to see through her to the
    1.65 +feelings inside.
    1.66 +	Sonomi nodded in agreement, her stormy blue eyes settling on the
    1.67 +beautiful visage of her daughter. ‘Oh my God, she looks so much like
    1.68 +Nadeshiko-chan... I swear that she and Sakura-chan must have been
    1.69 +switched at birth. She’s so much like her. So loving. So gentle. So
    1.70 +sweet. Nadeshiko-chan always went out to care for animals and
    1.71 +anything that looked like it was in pain. Tomoyo-chan has done the
    1.72 +same with the hearts of others. She’ll never know how much she’s
    1.73 +helped ease the pain in my own heart. But it’s not fair that no one
    1.74 +can take away her pain,’ Sonomi thought to herself, still half in
    1.75 +shock at seeing Tomoyo in the moonlight. The younger girl could have
    1.76 +passed herself off as Nadeshiko at that age perfectly. Her pale skin
    1.77 +and dark hair, her sweet smile, they all painted a picture from long
    1.78 +ago. Sonomi smiled brightly, brushing away some of Tomoyo's dark hair
    1.79 +from her face. “You look so gorgeous, Tomoyo-chan! You’ve grown into
    1.80 +such a lovely young woman. I always knew that you’d surpass Goddesses
    1.81 +in their beauty.” Sonomi watched her daughter as she dug through her
    1.82 +purse for her camera. When was the last time the mother and daughter
    1.83 +had gone to a festival together? She had to have a picture of this.
    1.84 +Tomoyo was practically shining in her kimono. The picture would look
    1.85 +perfect right next to a picture of Nadeshiko in a kimono just a year
    1.86 +or two younger. “I’m going to take a picture, Tomoyo-chan. I want to
    1.87 +be able to look back on tonight.” ‘Especially if you’re leaving,’
    1.88 +Sonomi added glumly as an afterthought. She already knew that Tomoyo
    1.89 +was moving out, but she suspected that her reasons were far more
    1.90 +complex than simply wanting to get out on her own. The pain in
    1.91 +Tomoyo’s eyes was a fairly good indicator to Sonomi of that. She had
    1.92 +come to the conclusion that her daughter wanted to escape the pain,
    1.93 +that she was leaving to try and put it behind her. Sonomi couldn’t
    1.94 +fault her baby girl with that. She had done the same thing when
    1.95 +Nadeshiko had married Fujitaka, leaving shortly after the wedding and
    1.96 +breaking all her ties with the only person she had ever loved. It was
    1.97 +the only way she could survive. She would never have been able to
    1.98 +stay near her cousin while she was happily married to the man who had
    1.99 +stolen her away. She guessed that it was the same for Tomoyo, that
   1.100 +she hoped to outdistance the pain. If only it were that easy. But
   1.101 +Sonomi knew that it may be the only way for Tomoyo to handle the
   1.102 +agony of never having her love returned. 
   1.103 +	Tomoyo tilted her head to the side, clasping her hands in front of
   1.104 +her as she smiled sweetly. The camera clicked and whirred as Sonomi
   1.105 +took her picture. Time froze in that instant, a single memory frozen
   1.106 +forever on film. The picture of a shattered girl hiding behind her
   1.107 +tattered and unraveling masks, crying helplessly underneath the smile
   1.108 +that she shined out at the camera. Despite her smile, Sonomi would
   1.109 +forever find the picture disturbing, never quite sure what was wrong
   1.110 +with the beautiful picture. When she looked at it long enough, she
   1.111 +would almost be able to see her daughter’s tears, the agony on her
   1.112 +face and the pain in her torn heart. But after a cold chill would
   1.113 +pass down her spine, the image would be gone, replaced once again
   1.114 +with the slightly disturbing picture of Tomoyo smiling in her kimono.
   1.115 +	And with that, time continued along its inevitable path. Tomoyo
   1.116 +continued to hold her hands in front of her as she and her mother
   1.117 +glanced around curiously at the decorations and the festival goers.
   1.118 +Tomoyo was wearing a delicate teal kimono with dark blue flower petal
   1.119 +designs across it, like flowers floating on a calm ocean. Sonomi’s
   1.120 +kimono was a rust red, multicolored flowers adorning its design as if
   1.121 +bouquets had been sewn into the red fabric. The two Daidouji women
   1.122 +turned several heads as they continued along under the moonlight,
   1.123 +though neither paid any attention. 
   1.124 +	Sighing inwardly, Sonomi wished that there was some way that she
   1.125 +could take away her daughter’s hurt, that she could assume all of the
   1.126 +dark haired girl’s suffering for herself. Watching Tomoyo slowly
   1.127 +splinter apart was maddening for the already overprotective mother.
   1.128 +It was much more painful to see the most important piece of her life
   1.129 +begin to crack and break apart than it was to deal with her own pain.
   1.130 +With the loss of Nadeshiko she could mourn or fume in anger over the
   1.131 +man who had stolen her precious cousin away from her. But there was
   1.132 +nothing she could do for her delicate daughter. She felt trapped by
   1.133 +her own helplessness, and it was suffocating her. As Tomoyo’s mother,
   1.134 +it was impossible for her not to feel the torment of her baby girl.
   1.135 +Having lived through the same pain herself, Sonomi would give
   1.136 +anything to take it away from her daughter. Then she would have
   1.137 +something to fight, something that she could actually do to fix the
   1.138 +situation. It wasn’t fair that Tomoyo’s heart was just as doomed as
   1.139 +her mother’s to an eternity of loneliness. What had the young woman
   1.140 +done to deserve such an agonizing fate? Who had she ever wronged?
   1.141 +Tomoyo had been nothing but selfless in her love for Sakura. She
   1.142 +deserved her storybook ending and it tore at Sonomi’s heart to see
   1.143 +that denied to her little girl. 
   1.144 +	What made the situation all the more unbearable for the head of the
   1.145 +Daidouji household was that it was Sakura behind her daughter’s
   1.146 +suffering. Cute, genki, innocent Sakura-chan. Sonomi had only the
   1.147 +highest regards of Sakura for years. The sweet little schoolgirl had
   1.148 +brightened her life nearly as much as she had brightened Tomoyo’s.
   1.149 +And the fact that she was Nadeshiko’s daughter was not lost on
   1.150 +Sonomi. Even if there were more similarities between Nadeshiko and
   1.151 +Tomoyo than between Nadeshiko and her actual daughter, Sonomi had
   1.152 +always managed to catch a glimpse of Sakura’s mother in her. And she
   1.153 +had always been such a delight to have around. Sonomi understood
   1.154 +completely how her daughter had fallen in love with the spirited and
   1.155 +somewhat naïve woman. So it pained her all the more to know that
   1.156 +Sakura was the one that caused her daughter’s tears again and again.
   1.157 +It was almost a contradiction that such a sweetly lovable girl like
   1.158 +Sakura would be capable of the brutal pain that battered Tomoyo’s
   1.159 +heart. This same contradiction was what confused Sonomi’s own
   1.160 +thoughts. She thought very highly of Sakura. Cared very much for the
   1.161 +young woman, in fact, as Nadeshiko’s daughter, the one Tomoyo loved,
   1.162 +and as a wonderful girl in her own right. But Sonomi was also
   1.163 +fiercely protective of those she cared about, and with Nadeshiko
   1.164 +gone, the one that took highest priority on her list was her gentle
   1.165 +daughter, Tomoyo. And seeing Sakura causing such devastation to her
   1.166 +daughter was something that she simply couldn’t forgive. Yet she
   1.167 +couldn’t bring herself to hate Sakura. Not in the same way that she
   1.168 +hated Fujitaka, the girl’s father. She genuinely liked Sakura and was
   1.169 +always pleasantly charmed by her company. She had been nearly as
   1.170 +captivated by the brunette as her daughter always was. So it was very
   1.171 +difficult for her to sort out these conflicting feelings. 
   1.172 +	But seeing the painful shards in Tomoyo’s usually deep and soulful
   1.173 +indigo eyes had pushed Sonomi to reevaluate her feelings towards the
   1.174 +Cardmistress. How could Sakura treat her daughter’s heart as if it
   1.175 +was some mere trinket? Something that she could ignore and take for
   1.176 +granted? Such an act showed just how terribly Sakura had failed her
   1.177 +best friend and Sonomi’s one and only daughter. Anyone who could
   1.178 +bring tears to Tomoyo’s lovely eyes was guilty of a terrible sin to
   1.179 +the dark haired beauty. Yet Tomoyo could never bring herself to be
   1.180 +angry with Sakura, could never fault the brunette’s naivete for the
   1.181 +pain it caused her. On the other hand, her mother wasn’t quite as
   1.182 +forgiving. ‘Sonomi-chan, you’re not still mad at him, are you?’
   1.183 +Nadeshiko’s voice gently chided, deep from within Sonomi’s memories.
   1.184 +As always, it was accompanied by the most dazzling of smiles, of
   1.185 +which one always graced Nadeshiko’s beautiful features. Nadeshiko was
   1.186 +so much like her daughter in that way. Never one to get angry, even
   1.187 +when she had every right to be, always having such a remarkably
   1.188 +touching faith that things would turn out all right. But Sonomi was
   1.189 +starting to fear that her daughter was losing that faith. And with
   1.190 +it, her daughter’s soul began to crumble like a house of cards.
   1.191 +‘Yes... Yes, I’m still angry with him, Nadeshiko-chan... But not just
   1.192 +for beating me at track the time when you said that. No, I will never
   1.193 +forgive him for stealing everything from me. Most importantly, for
   1.194 +taking you away. And now his daughter’s doing the same thing to my
   1.195 +baby girl,’ Sonomi mentally replied to her cousin’s question from
   1.196 +years long past. Her eyes narrowed as she once again saw the familiar
   1.197 +features of the man that had managed to single handedly ruin her
   1.198 +life. To her surprise, his face shifted into someone else entirely.
   1.199 +Tilting her head to the side, Sakura smiled sweetly.
   1.200 +	Nearly backpedaling from the sight, Sonomi was relieved to see that
   1.201 +it had only been her imagination. A young girl stared at her
   1.202 +awkwardly for a moment before running off to find her mother. Placing
   1.203 +her hand on her chest, the business woman began to breathe deeply,
   1.204 +trying to relax her thunderously beating heart. It had only been her
   1.205 +already overworked mind playing along with her thoughts. Not that she
   1.206 +needed that at the moment. She was too busy trying to... “Tomoyo-
   1.207 +chan?” Turning around, Sonomi tried to catch a glimpse of her
   1.208 +daughter but to no avail. While she had been lost in her thoughts,
   1.209 +Tomoyo had disappeared. Panic gripped at the business woman’s heart
   1.210 +as she scanned the crowds for any sign of pale skin or lavender hair.
   1.211 +Though Tomoyo was a young woman now and capable of taking care of
   1.212 +herself, Sonomi felt the irrational fear that she would never see her
   1.213 +cherished daughter again. Her mind quickly reassured her that it
   1.214 +simply wasn’t the case, but it was cold comfort. And she was
   1.215 +generally one to listen to her feelings over her thoughts. And her
   1.216 +feelings were telling her that something was terribly wrong. That she
   1.217 +had to hurry to her daughter’s side before it was too late. But what
   1.218 +would she be too late for?
   1.219 +
   1.220 +	Tomoyo walked silently out into a clearing, devoid of anything but
   1.221 +the soft sparkle of fireflies as they lit the sky around her. A
   1.222 +small, sad smile crossed her lips in remembrance of watching Sakura
   1.223 +catch the Glow Card out on a similar night. Those tiny little
   1.224 +floating lights in the air were so similar to the Clow Card’s own
   1.225 +gentle glow. Sakura had been so happy that night, spending time with
   1.226 +her crush at the time, Yukito Tsukishiro, under the moonlight. And
   1.227 +Tomoyo had been more than happy to watch the two of them from the
   1.228 +safety of some bushes, delighting in Sakura’s cute blush and the
   1.229 +brunette’s ecstasy of spending time with the snow rabbit. Why wasn’t
   1.230 +that enough for her anymore? Why couldn’t she be content to watch
   1.231 +Sakura’s life through a camcorder lens the way she always had? 
   1.232 +	Fanren’s words returned to Tomoyo in answer to her unspoken
   1.233 +question. Because her own heart was always pouring out love to
   1.234 +Sakura, it was empty inside. And her brittle heart was collapsing
   1.235 +under its own weight. She couldn’t continue to watch Sakura married
   1.236 +and living a life that really didn’t need her. Tomoyo was only human.
   1.237 +Even she couldn’t handle watching the one she loved forever in love
   1.238 +with someone else. It only made her own lonely heart cry out even
   1.239 +more into the moonlight, making it ache incessantly more. It had been
   1.240 +what she wanted, to make Sakura happy by any means necessary. And she
   1.241 +had given up Sakura to Syaoran in the hopes that he could make her
   1.242 +happy. “As long as the one I love is happy, it doesn’t matter if they
   1.243 +love me,” Tomoyo whispered, repeating words from a happier childhood.
   1.244 +And it was true, she wanted Sakura to be happy above all else. But
   1.245 +seeing it, actually watching Sakura’s new happy life unfold, it only
   1.246 +made the loneliness in Tomoyo’s heart more poignant, more acute. Her
   1.247 +love for Sakura actually made it infinitely worse for her because it
   1.248 +just reinforced the emptiness in her heart. Knowing that the most
   1.249 +important person in her life no longer needed her, that she was no
   1.250 +longer necessary was a chilling revelation. With that, all purpose
   1.251 +from her life seemed to disappear like mist on a sunny morning. She
   1.252 +had devoted so much of her life to Sakura that the prospect of no
   1.253 +longer being useful to the brunette was devastating. But even then,
   1.254 +at least she would be able to watch Sakura. But even that was beyond
   1.255 +her now. Every time that Sakura came to her about her husband, about
   1.256 +her happy new life, it hurt her. It hurt her to know that she was not
   1.257 +a part of it, that she could never be a part of it. To see the two of
   1.258 +them in love, to know that Sakura’s love was for someone else alone,
   1.259 +it left her frail and weak. She now knew why her mother had left when
   1.260 +Nadeshiko had gotten married. It was simply too painful to stay and
   1.261 +watch the one you love while they love another. 
   1.262 +	Tomoyo had wrestled with her feelings about leaving for quite a
   1.263 +while before that, so she understood what lay behind them. Her fear
   1.264 +of ruining Sakura’s happy life and her need to get away from the pain
   1.265 +that haunted her while she remained in Sakura’s life had all played a
   1.266 +part in her decision. She already regretted her decision terribly,
   1.267 +but knew that she really had no other choice. To stay in Sakura’s
   1.268 +life would be to invite disaster. If she didn’t ruin the brunette’s
   1.269 +marriage when Sakura discovered her feelings, her heart would die
   1.270 +from remaining to watch it all. So this was for the best. But somehow
   1.271 +that knowledge did little to comfort the lavender haired heiress. She
   1.272 +would never see Sakura again, even if it was the only way out. Tears
   1.273 +began to trickle down her cheeks as she held herself in the cold
   1.274 +night. That was the way it always was. She was all alone, holding her
   1.275 +feelings inside. And it was the way things always would be. A life
   1.276 +devoid of Sakura felt incredibly empty, like life in a vacuum. But
   1.277 +wasn’t that what her videotape collection was for? Somehow those
   1.278 +collections of frozen images and captured memories felt poorly
   1.279 +inadequate now. She wanted the real Sakura. She longed for her touch,
   1.280 +for her soft voice and her beautifully hopeful eyes. The videotapes
   1.281 +were now a painful reminder of what she could never have, of what she
   1.282 +would never again behold. Yet they were her only taste left of
   1.283 +Sakura. Her last great treasure. Even if they were bittersweet, they
   1.284 +were beautiful moments with Sakura, captured forever on videotape. So
   1.285 +she would always have them to drown in, beautiful memories to
   1.286 +surround herself with. They would make a wonderful coffin, one of
   1.287 +cute moments, dizzying costumes, and the always energetic Sakura. And
   1.288 +she could bury herself in them. 
   1.289 +	That had felt like her only means of escape, her only way to
   1.290 +survive without Sakura. But now she had to wonder if even that would
   1.291 +be enough. Her life felt woefully empty without the captivating
   1.292 +brunette. And she knew that nothing, not even her videotapes, could
   1.293 +ever truly replace her. Of course, that was never what the videos
   1.294 +were intended for. They were her documentary of Sakura, her footage
   1.295 +of time long ago, more like memories than anything else. And just
   1.296 +like memories, they paled in comparison to the real thing. 
   1.297 +So just how could she survive a life without Sakura? Her stormy blue
   1.298 +eyes closed, her braided hair fluttering around in the biting breeze
   1.299 +as she tried to concentrate on just what a life might entail. The
   1.300 +wind whispered in her ear as the fireflies continued their endless
   1.301 +dance up above her. Sound could be heard in the distance as the
   1.302 +festival continued for those merry enough to join in. Nothing... She
   1.303 +could see nothing. It was as if her life’s journey ended once she was
   1.304 +without Sakura. And even if she continued on with such a life, what
   1.305 +meaning would their be to it? What possible purpose could it serve?
   1.306 +Like a clock that had wound down, it would be cold and meaningless.
   1.307 +Just like her masks, it would be pretty, but absolutely false. It
   1.308 +would be empty. Is a life lived merely for the sake of living really
   1.309 +worth living at all? Would it not be better to join Sakura’s mother
   1.310 +up in the skies above, to watch down on Sakura and her mother rather
   1.311 +than to continue forward helplessly alone and lost in the dark?
   1.312 +“Tomoyo-chan!! There you are!” Sonomi called out as she hurried to
   1.313 +meet her daughter in the clearing. She smiled in relief, glad to see
   1.314 +that her daughter was in no trouble after all. But a closer glance
   1.315 +made her rethink that. She could see wet tears on her daughter’s
   1.316 +cheeks, though the pale girl quickly wiped them away with the sleeve
   1.317 +of her kimono. Perhaps she was in no physical danger, but Sonomi was
   1.318 +beginning to think that was the least of her problems. “Tomoyo-chan,
   1.319 +what’s wrong?” she asked quietly, her hands resting on the dark
   1.320 +haired woman’s shoulders. 
   1.321 +Tomoyo didn’t meet her mother’s gaze for a long moment, and it took
   1.322 +all of her strength to attempt a smile as she finally turned to look
   1.323 +at Sonomi. “It’s nothing. I’m fine, okaa-sama,” she said quietly. But
   1.324 +she knew at once that she had failed miserably. Sonomi didn’t look
   1.325 +the least bit swayed by her words, concern etched on her face. 
   1.326 +	“Tomoyo-chan, I’m your mother. I know that’s not true. Please, tell
   1.327 +me what’s wrong. I need to know,” Sonomi whispered. She cupped
   1.328 +Tomoyo’s chin when the younger girl tried to avert her gaze, stormy
   1.329 +blue eyes meeting stormy blue eyes. 
   1.330 +	The dark haired girl balked at first, unsure of what to say to her
   1.331 +mother. Explanations popped to mind, all specifically tailored to
   1.332 +diffuse her mother’s worry. But she felt too weak to use any of them.
   1.333 +With a sobbing breath, Tomoyo let go of her masks, their remains
   1.334 +shattering uselessly in the wind. “I don’t know how to say goodbye,”
   1.335 +the pale heiress whispered as fresh tears made their way down her
   1.336 +cheeks and past Sonomi’s waiting hand. Her whole body felt consumed
   1.337 +with despair, eating away at every bit of her soul. She had failed at
   1.338 +protecting those she cared about with her masks, first in front of
   1.339 +Sakura and now with her mother. She could only hope that her masks
   1.340 +had held when writing her last letter to Sakura, but the brunette was
   1.341 +probably still angry with her or at least confused about why Tomoyo
   1.342 +would leave. And Tomoyo would understand if Sakura was angry with
   1.343 +her. As long as Sakura was happy in her new life, it didn’t matter.
   1.344 +But she didn’t have that same safeguard with her mother. She knew
   1.345 +that leaving could very well hurt her mother terribly. And when she
   1.346 +left, her mother wouldn’t have the one she loved and a happy new life
   1.347 +to fall back on. Which is why she had tried so hard not to worry her
   1.348 +mother with her departure. She had never wanted to hurt the older
   1.349 +woman. It’s just that she couldn’t stay any longer. She was too
   1.350 +consumed with grief. She had to get away. It would only hurt her
   1.351 +mother if she stayed. 
   1.352 +	Sonomi smiled softly, her own eyes glittering with tears as her
   1.353 +hands moved to Tomoyo’s tear stained cheeks. “Oh, Tomoyo-chan... Is
   1.354 +that what this is about?” She shook her head, laughing slightly. It
   1.355 +was a pained sound, but it was honest. “I understand, my little girl.
   1.356 +I know you have to put all of this behind you. I know that you can’t
   1.357 +stay and let the pain devour you. I did the same thing when I left
   1.358 +Nadeshiko-chan when she got married. I couldn’t stay. Even now, I
   1.359 +have so many regrets about that. I only saw her for such a brief time
   1.360 +before she died. I missed out on so many years of her life. But I
   1.361 +don’t think I could have survived if I had stayed there with her
   1.362 +during her marriage to Fujitaka. The human heart just isn’t made to
   1.363 +handle that kind of pain. I don’t think I would have survived at all
   1.364 +if it hadn’t been for you, Tomoyo-chan. You gave me a reason to live.
   1.365 +You were my sweet little girl. You were the one person that I could
   1.366 +always love and cherish, who I knew would forever be a part of me.”
   1.367 +Tears of her own fell down her cheeks, though she continued to smile
   1.368 +at her quietly sobbing daughter. “And I thank you so much for that.
   1.369 +You gave me so much in life that I thought had been lost forever. I
   1.370 +was so consumed by sorrow and anger that I had forgotten the things
   1.371 +that make life worth living. You brought them all back to me. So I
   1.372 +understand if you have to flee all of this. I was happy to try and
   1.373 +keep you with me as long as I could, even if I knew this was
   1.374 +inevitable. You have to let a baby bird fly free some day. Just like
   1.375 +my angel, Nadeshiko-chan. I couldn’t protect her forever. And even
   1.376 +though I wish dearly that I could always protect you, Tomoyo-chan, I
   1.377 +know that I can’t.” 
   1.378 +	Tomoyo’s mind spun as she considered the similarities between
   1.379 +herself and her mother’s cousin. ‘I want to be an angel,’ she thought
   1.380 +to herself. Oh, to be able to soar above this mortal coil, to escape
   1.381 +the anguish that now seemed a permanent aspect of life, to be able to
   1.382 +watch Sakura and protect her, it all sounded like a dream. But there
   1.383 +was a darker side to her mother’s words. And Tomoyo felt them
   1.384 +instantly. She hugged her mother tightly, still crying weakly against
   1.385 +the slightly taller woman. “But I don’t want to leave you like that.
   1.386 +I know how much it hurt you when you lost her. I would never want to
   1.387 +hurt you like that, okaa-sama... Sometimes I think you’re the only
   1.388 +person who ever really knew me.” She closed her eyes tightly, trying
   1.389 +to stop the onslaught of fresh tears. “You always understood how I
   1.390 +felt about Sakura-chan. You know how much it hurts not to be with the
   1.391 +one you love. I don’t want to leave you, but...”
   1.392 +	Silencing her daughter with a kiss on her forehead, Sonomi hugged
   1.393 +Tomoyo tightly. “Shhh... I know. I know.” The older woman smiled
   1.394 +softly. “Not that you didn’t make it difficult enough to know you.
   1.395 +You always did have a tendency to hide your feelings when you didn’t
   1.396 +want to burden someone. But you’re my little girl, so I had to see
   1.397 +through it.” She paused, brushing Tomoyo’s hair out of her eyes. “I
   1.398 +don’t want you to hurt like this, Tomoyo-chan. I don’t want to see
   1.399 +you so heartbroken. And if leaving is the only way that you can heal
   1.400 +your broken heart, then I have to accept that. But please... If you
   1.401 +can ever come back, or even if you could just write me a letter to
   1.402 +know what my darling daughter has been up to...” Her voice trailed
   1.403 +off.
   1.404 +	Tomoyo burst into pain wracked sobs, clutching onto her mother. She
   1.405 +couldn’t even promise that she could send her a letter. How could she
   1.406 +just abandon her mother like that? But Sonomi was right. She couldn’t
   1.407 +stay. She had to fade away. She had to disappear before it was too
   1.408 +late for everyone. “I’m so sorry, okaa-sama...” Tomoyo got out
   1.409 +between sobs, her head resting on Sonomi’s shoulder.
   1.410 +Standing there, holding onto her daughter, Sonomi finally made her
   1.411 +decision. She hated Sakura. She hated the girl for all she had done
   1.412 +to her daughter, for all of the anguish she had caused her only
   1.413 +child. Holding Tomoyo tightly, Sonomi could only rock back and forth,
   1.414 +humming a gentle lullaby that she used to sing to Tomoyo when she was
   1.415 +only a child. She only wished that it still held the same power to
   1.416 +put the dark haired girl into a peaceful slumber. Standing in the
   1.417 +moonlight, surrounded by fireflies, the mother and daughter cried
   1.418 +together. Over lost love, over the end of the beginning, and over the
   1.419 +death of hope.  
   1.420 +