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     1.2 +++ b/old/stories/ccs_tearfulnights.txt	Fri Feb 19 20:53:12 2010 -0500
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     1.4 +Tearful Nights
     1.5 +by rphjas
     1.6 +rphjas@yahoo.com
     1.7 +
     1.8 +--------------
     1.9 +
    1.10 +With wet lavender eyes, I look upon sparkling stars. Do I pray to a
    1.11 +higher power? Do I whisper my fears and dilemmas to the night? I love
    1.12 +her, and she loves me. But, my love is more mature than I am and also
    1.13 +much more than hers. If I had the courage, I would one day tell
    1.14 +her..in Penguin Park. I would whisper the three simple words. But,
    1.15 +would she understand? Would she see through all of my masks and
    1.16 +disguises? 
    1.17 +
    1.18 +I sew every costume with stitches of pure love. I sing my songs to
    1.19 +her with all of my heart. Does she feel the fabrics I weave..clinging
    1.20 +to her slender form? Do her ears hear my songs of longing? I am
    1.21 +afraid...afraid of rejection. Is it not better to be a friend than a
    1.22 +stranger? Is it better to be in her world even a little than all
    1.23 +alone? If I knew the future, I would know what to do. I would know
    1.24 +the risk is worthwhile. But, I am still unsure. I have no confidence. 
    1.25 +
    1.26 +Would she think me perverted..loving her like I do? Would she run
    1.27 +away in revulsion? Would she? Why is my heart so torn? I see her each
    1.28 +day in school. She lets me film her every day. I spend all my free
    1.29 +time with her or doing things for her. I watch her videos again and
    1.30 +again until I memorize each phrase and line of her figure. Her face
    1.31 +leads me into the sleepiness of dreams. I hug my pillows..as if they
    1.32 +were her. 
    1.33 +
    1.34 +This starry night .. I wonder .. is she thinking about me? Is she
    1.35 +dreaming of me? Do her cards quietly reveal my intentions..my
    1.36 +feelings? I wonder if she will ever be..ever be able to love me. I
    1.37 +would..I would give her my life..to save her own. But, how many times
    1.38 +has she risked her own for my sake? The number is too high. Would it
    1.39 +be better if I vanished..faded from her world? Each night, I am torn
    1.40 +and wake up weary wrestling these questions. The uncertainty of the
    1.41 +future is weighing me down. But, I manage to put on my cheerful mask
    1.42 +each morning before I see her. She does not know. She can never know
    1.43 +my nightly bouts.. 
    1.44 +
    1.45 +One sleepover, she let me brush her hair..even hug her long and
    1.46 +close. Surprisingly, she let me kiss her because she wondered why it
    1.47 +was such a big fuss with the older students. Her energy pulsed
    1.48 +through to my core. Her sweet taste lingered on my lips the entire
    1.49 +night! Oh, I was so very happy. Even now, I can remember her soft
    1.50 +full lips..the silk of her hair..the firm athletic body. Like some
    1.51 +drug, I crave more. But so far, only that one night was so very
    1.52 +special. I could not tape it. But, the memories are burned into me
    1.53 +forever. 
    1.54 +
    1.55 +Will hope be my lifeline..in the stormy seas of life? Will it help
    1.56 +me persevere until she someday loves me..?
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