1.1 --- /dev/null	Thu Jan 01 00:00:00 1970 +0000
     1.2 +++ b/old/stories/arigatou.txt	Fri Feb 19 20:53:12 2010 -0500
     1.3 @@ -0,0 +1,209 @@
     1.4 +Arigatou
     1.5 +by Riesz Fenrir
     1.6 +
     1.7 +Disclaimer: I don't own CLAMP or Card Captor Sakura. In fact, CLAMP
     1.8 +and Card Captor Sakura own me. They own you too, admit it. ^_^
     1.9 +
    1.10 +This is the first fanfic I've ever written, about any series, so
    1.11 +please don't flame me too hard for it. ^_^; Die-hard fans may well be
    1.12 +able to find some inaccuracies, since I've not seen that much of
    1.13 +::cough:: "Cardcaptors" and even less of CCS itself. In fact, this is
    1.14 +largely based on the manga, which I have a lot more of (plus it's
    1.15 +cuter ^_^). Oh, and a warning: this is angst, pure and simple. Don't
    1.16 +expect happy endings.
    1.17 +
    1.18 +Stuff in <angle brackets> = thoughts.
    1.19 +
    1.20 +
    1.21 +
    1.22 +~~~
    1.23 +
    1.24 +<"You don't know just how much.... I love you, Sakura.">
    1.25 +
    1.26 +      Tomoyo sat on the bed in the middle of her expansive,
    1.27 +exquisitely-decorated quarters at the Daidouji mansion. Not that one
    1.28 +would be able to tell from a glance around the room that intricately-
    1.29 +patterned magnolia wallpaper, or indeed anything at all, lay behind
    1.30 +the countless photographs of Sakura that covered the walls ceiling to
    1.31 +floor. One more rested in Tomoyo's hands as she gazed absently out of
    1.32 +the window towards Tomoeda Elementary.
    1.33 +      <Morning classes will be nearly over by now....> Tomoyo knew
    1.34 +she ought to be at school too, but over these past few weeks, it
    1.35 +seemed, Sakura and Syaoran had been getting closer. A *lot* closer.
    1.36 +Tomoyo sighed. What was her problem anyway? She had always said she'd
    1.37 +be happy if Sakura was happy. And Syaoran did make Sakura happy....
    1.38 +which was the one thing that tore Tomoyo's heart to shreds. Seeing
    1.39 +them together like that.... holding hands, laughing...... <like we
    1.40 +used to be.....>
    1.41 +      So here she was, alone in her room, pretending to be too sick
    1.42 +to go. <It's the truth, anyway.... only the sickness is in my heart.
    1.43 +I just didn't think I could face another day of living my life this
    1.44 +way.... putting on that same smile, pretending everything's
    1.45 +okay........>
    1.46 +      Tomoyo's gaze returned to the picture in her hand.
    1.47 +      <It's not okay......>
    1.48 +      Most of the pictures that lined Tomoyo's walls were of Sakura
    1.49 +as only Tomoyo knew her; as the Card Captor, the defender of Tomoeda
    1.50 +from the Clow Cards' evil...... but this, this was just everday,
    1.51 +ordinary Sakura, smiling as she made her way to school. Only there
    1.52 +had never been anything "everyday" or "ordinary" about Sakura. She
    1.53 +was perfection itself..... the touch of her smooth, soft, lightly-
    1.54 +tanned skin..... the way the light danced in those intense, emerald-
    1.55 +green eyes when she smiled..... the sweet scent of her short auburn
    1.56 +hair..... the gentleness of her voice.... all things that could melt
    1.57 +Tomoyo in a heartbeat.
    1.58 +      <It's not okay......>
    1.59 +      A single hot tear slid down Tomoyo's cheek and fell onto the
    1.60 +photograph. Her hand, seemingly independent of her conscious mind,
    1.61 +reached behind her and groped for something on the bedside table.
    1.62 +Tomoyo's trembling hands unsheathed the small penknife as she brought
    1.63 +it back into her tear-blurred view. Her eyes closed, squeezing out
    1.64 +another tear.
    1.65 +      <It's not okay!>
    1.66 +      The sound of Tomoyo's own scream broke into her thoughts,
    1.67 +jolting her back to reality. A place to which she had no desire to
    1.68 +return any longer. She didn't need to open her eyes to feel the blood
    1.69 +trickling down her arm. Concentrating on the warm sensation, allowing
    1.70 +the darkness to encapsulate her senses, coccooning her within
    1.71 +herself.... as the initial stinging sensation faded, it began to feel
    1.72 +calming, almost.... comforting. Tomoyo wrapped her arms around
    1.73 +herself and huddled blindly into her pillows.
    1.74 +      <Sakura-chan.....>
    1.75 +      As if answering her silent call, the phone rang. Reluctantly,
    1.76 +almost tentatively, Tomoyo opened her eyes and released the pillow
    1.77 +she was hugging, reaching for the pink cellphone with clammy,
    1.78 +bloodstained fingers.
    1.79 +      "M...moshi-moshi?" she half-whispered, her voice weak and shaky.
    1.80 +      "Tomoyo-chan?" While she knew that only Sakura would ever call
    1.81 +her on this phone, the sound of her voice still made her heart jump
    1.82 +unexpectedly.
    1.83 +      "...Hai......"
    1.84 +      "I was just calling to see how you were..... Terada-sensei
    1.85 +said you weren't feeling too good......"
    1.86 +      "......I'm okay......."
    1.87 +      "You don't sound it, Tomoyo-chan.......... Do you want me to
    1.88 +come over?"
    1.89 +      Tomoyo took a deep breath. "........Onegai............... if
    1.90 +it's not too much trouble.............."
    1.91 +      Sakura laughed a little on the other end of the phone. "Of
    1.92 +course not, baka! Nothing's too much trouble for my best friend!"
    1.93 +      ".......Arigatou..........."
    1.94 +      "Okay, I'll be there right away. Ja ne..."
    1.95 +      "......Ja ne." The line went dead as Sakura hung up.
    1.96 +      For the ten minutes it took for Sakura to arrive, Tomoyo sat
    1.97 +cross-legged on the bed, motionless, her back to the door. She
    1.98 +clutched her left arm tightly to her chest, deep crimson fluid
    1.99 +soaking into her nightshirt, the pain now reduced to a dull throb. It
   1.100 +was in this state that Sakura found her.
   1.101 +      "Tomoyo-chan.....?" Sakura's soft, inquiring voice floated
   1.102 +into her thoughts, at first a distant echo, a lingering echo of a
   1.103 +long-faded dream..... then gradually, the voice became clearer,
   1.104 +sharper, as though the one she dreamed of stood right by her
   1.105 +side.........
   1.106 +      "Tomoyo-chan?"
   1.107 +      Tomoyo's eyes flickered open to see Sakura's questioning face,
   1.108 +a mixture of concern and anxiety in those deep, all-encapsulating
   1.109 +green eyes.
   1.110 +      "Tomoyo-chan, are you...." Sakura gasped a little as Tomoyo's
   1.111 +hand shifted, uncovering the stains on her shirt. "Tomoyo-chan!
   1.112 +You're hurt...."
   1.113 +      Tomoyo whimpered a little as Sakura sat down beside her and
   1.114 +gently moved her arm away from her chest to examine the wound. "How
   1.115 +did......" Sakura began, stopping in her tracks when her gaze was
   1.116 +caught by the bloodied penknife that still lay on the bedclothes. Her
   1.117 +eyes turned back to Tomoyo's, green orbs of disbelief meeting greyish-
   1.118 +blue pools of fear. A single word escaped her lips. "Why.......?"
   1.119 +      Tomoyo struggled to break the intensity of Sakura's gaze, but
   1.120 +failed. Slowly, her right hand opened to reveal the crumpled, tear-
   1.121 +stained picture she had been clutching the entire time. Sakura
   1.122 +glanced down at it, then back at Tomoyo, a blank look in her eyes. "I
   1.123 +don't understand, Tomoyo-chan...." Another tear silently slid down
   1.124 +Tomoyo's cheek, and Sakura absently wiped it away with her
   1.125 +fingertips, causing the dark-haired girl to shudder slightly at her
   1.126 +friend's tender touch.
   1.127 +      "S...Sakura-chan....... I.......I......." Tomoyo's cheeks
   1.128 +reddened suddenly as the realisation of just how close Sakura was
   1.129 +dawned upon her. Suddenly dumbstruck, in a momentary lapse of
   1.130 +rational thought she leaned in closer to Sakura and briefly allowed
   1.131 +their lips to brush. <Surely... this will make her understand.....>
   1.132 +      It did.
   1.133 +      Sakura jumped back suddenly, her mind swirling with confusion
   1.134 +that quickly turned to dizzying realisation. <I love you a lot too,
   1.135 +Sakura....> She stared at Tomoyo, who returned the gaze, her eyes
   1.136 +threatening tears once more, pleading for acceptance. Sakura felt
   1.137 +tears sting her own eyes too as she realised that for the first time
   1.138 +in their lives there was nothing she could do to help her friend.
   1.139 +"I...... I'm sorry........... Tomoyo-chan.........." Her words barely
   1.140 +came out as a whisper, but they were clear enough to Tomoyo. Feeling
   1.141 +powerless to do anything else, Sakura turned and fled from the room.
   1.142 +
   1.143 +~~~
   1.144 +
   1.145 +Too shaken by Tomoyo's unspoken revelation to return to school,
   1.146 +Sakura made her way towards Penguin Park in a haze. <A place where
   1.147 +Tomoyo and me spent so much time together....... will it ever be the
   1.148 +same?> She sat down heavily inside the great King Penguin that was
   1.149 +seemingly Tomoeda's primary landmark, leaning back against its inner
   1.150 +walls with an anguished sigh. It wasn't that this kind of thing
   1.151 +disgusted her.... it wasn't even that new to her, really. After all,
   1.152 +her brother and Yukito..... But somehow, Tomoyo's actions today had
   1.153 +changed things between them. The dark-haired girl was her best
   1.154 +friend, she had been since third grade, and Sakura couldn't imagine
   1.155 +what her life would be like without her, but... after today, she
   1.156 +thought, a sickening feeling growing in her stomach at the fact that
   1.157 +she could think of her best friend with such callousness, she wasn't
   1.158 +sure if she could ever feel comfortable around Tomoyo again. Not in
   1.159 +the same way.
   1.160 +      "Hoeeee......."
   1.161 +
   1.162 +~~~
   1.163 +
   1.164 +Tomoyo's eyes were fixated on the screen as she sat alone in her
   1.165 +video room, the almost stifling darkness illuminated only by the glow
   1.166 +of the projected image. The penknife dangled limply from her fingers,
   1.167 +crimson liquid flowing freely down the smooth blade from the deep
   1.168 +gashes in her wrists, seeming almost black in the half-light.
   1.169 +      The on-screen Sakura smiled and waved, and Tomoyo couldn't
   1.170 +help but manage a wavering attempt at a smile in return.
   1.171 +      <Arigatou, Sakura-chan...... for
   1.172 +everything.......................>
   1.173 +      Sakura's image blurred and flickered as as a mixture of
   1.174 +sadness, pain and resignation brought new tears to her reddened eyes
   1.175 +once more. And as the last scenes of Tomoyo's home movie faded to
   1.176 +black, so did Tomoyo's world.... forever.
   1.177 +
   1.178 +<"Thank you for all your tenderness....
   1.179 +Thank you for all your happiness....
   1.180 +Thank you for all your kindness....
   1.181 +Thank you for all your everything.............">
   1.182 +
   1.183 +~~~
   1.184 +
   1.185 +Glossary of Japanese terms:
   1.186 +arigatou = thank you
   1.187 +-chan= affectionate suffix, used between friends, lovers, people who
   1.188 +are close
   1.189 +moshi-moshi = what the Japanese say when they answer the phone
   1.190 +hai = yes
   1.191 +-sensei = suffix used for teachers etc.
   1.192 +onegai = please
   1.193 +baka = silly, stupid, etc.
   1.194 +ja ne = see you later
   1.195 +hoeee = just Sakura's favourite little expression
   1.196 +
   1.197 +Author's notes: Crying yet? ;_; Probably with tears of frustration
   1.198 +at how people such as me can be allowed to call themselves
   1.199 +writers..... Still, I had a go, can't say I didn't. I love S&T fluff
   1.200 +as much as the next shoujo-ai fan, it's true, but I don't think there
   1.201 +are enough fics out there that deal with the harsh reality - that,
   1.202 +while we all know Tomoyo loves Sakura, Sakura almost certainly would
   1.203 +not return her feelings... ;_; Also, this was inspired by real,
   1.204 +personal feelings, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't riff it no
   1.205 +matter how much you think it sucks. Thanks.... and if you liked, or
   1.206 +you didn't like, or you want to throw comments/criticism/whatevers my
   1.207 +way, email me at fenrirknight@hotmail.com. I promise to reply to all
   1.208 +non-flames.
   1.209 +
   1.210 +Now go and read some fluff! ^_^
   1.211 +
   1.212 +