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     1.4 +Author’s notes: Hi everyone! ^-^ This is my first Sonomi & Nadeshiko story. I 
     1.5 +just love Sonomi-san and I feel so horrible that she lost her beloved Nadeshiko. 
     1.6 +;_; I really hope I can write more about them. ^-^ If you have any comments, 
     1.7 +please e-mail me. ^-^ 
     1.8 +
     1.9 +
    1.10 +Where Did You Go?
    1.11 +By the Amazoness Duo
    1.12 +amazonessduo@hotmail.com 
    1.13 +
    1.14 +
    1.15 +	Sonomi Daidouji sighed miserably, looking out at the forest from the 
    1.16 +balcony where she used to play with her darling little cousin, Nadeshiko. She 
    1.17 +had come out to her grandfather’s house out in the woods to get away from it all. 
    1.18 +Both the business pressure of everyday life at the Daidouji Toy Company and 
    1.19 +also the more profound pain that wasn’t so easily escaped. “Nadeshiko-chan,” 
    1.20 +she whispered softly into the wind, only seeing a brewing storm where her 
    1.21 +cousin had seen rainbows. 
    1.22 +	She had asked Tomoyo to come along as well. A little time away would 
    1.23 +be good for her. Especially now that the Chinese boy had returned. But her 
    1.24 +daughter had politely refused, saying that she wished to stay near Sakura during 
    1.25 +all this, even if it hurt. Another, darker sigh escaped the older woman’s lips. If 
    1.26 +only Tomoyo had told Sakura like she’d always told her to. Holding back would 
    1.27 +only get you years of pain, she had tried to explain to her young daughter. But 
    1.28 +she had just smiled and replied that all she wanted was for Sakura to be happy. 
    1.29 +She would understand when she was ready to.  Did that mean that Nadeshiko 
    1.30 +had never been ready to understand her feelings? Would the same be true of 
    1.31 +Nadeshiko’s daughter? When you love someone so much that they’re your very 
    1.32 +reason to greet the new day, their loss can destroy you. And loss wasn’t 
    1.33 +necessarily their death, either. Sonomi had lost her dear Nadeshiko when he had 
    1.34 +stolen her away. That quiet teacher that had apparently no idea of just how much 
    1.35 +Nadeshiko had meant to her. She knew he was smarter than that. He had known 
    1.36 +all along, but had taken her anyway. Despite Sonomi’s best efforts to stop him, 
    1.37 +it wasn’t enough. Destroyed and lacking any will to go on, she had left, her only 
    1.38 +reminder the bouquet from Nadeshiko’s wedding. Would her daughter be just as 
    1.39 +wrongfully punished for the sin of loving one so much?
    1.40 +	The first cold droplets of rain hit the matriarch of the Daidouji family 
    1.41 +like bitter tears. She closed her eyes as she leaned against the railing, the sweet 
    1.42 +echoes of years long gone still stirring through the old house. “Where are you, 
    1.43 +Nadeshiko-chan?” she heard herself ask into the coming storm. “I need you now 
    1.44 +more than I ever did. I always said I’d protect you, but I did a rather terrible job, 
    1.45 +didn’t I? I couldn’t protect you from him and I couldn’t protect you from death. 
    1.46 +I couldn’t scare if off with a dirty look, I couldn’t keep you alive and happy. I 
    1.47 +couldn’t keep you with me. Every day that goes by, I can feel you. Everytime I 
    1.48 +see her, your daughter, I can feel you so close to me. I can see why Tomoyo-
    1.49 +chan loves her so. She has the same sweet innocence that you did, Nadeshiko-
    1.50 +chan. The same caring soul.” Sonomi barely noticed the tears mixing with the 
    1.51 +rain drops down her cheeks. “But what have I done to curse my family? Why 
    1.52 +doesn’t Tomoyo-chan deserve the happiness that Kinomoto-san robbed from 
    1.53 +me? Tomoyo-chan tries to be so happy, so strong for Sakura-chan, but she can’t 
    1.54 +keep it up. I know because I’ve lived through the worst of it. And I know she 
    1.55 +won’t last much longer. If you pour all of your love out for so long without any 
    1.56 +love returned to you, you start to die. Just like a flower. Slowly and painfully 
    1.57 +until you wilt away.” Looking up, her hair started to get thrown around by the 
    1.58 +strong winds. “I miss you so much. Even here. But I remember you smiling and 
    1.59 +laughing. It doesn’t make it hurt any less, but it means that I can smile.”
    1.60 +	“Where are you, Nadeshiko-chan? I love you.”
    1.61 +
    1.62 +	‘Oh, Sonomi, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I.. I didn’t 
    1.63 +understand. I thought you would always be there. When you left, I was 
    1.64 +devastated. I didn’t know if I could go on without my big cousin Sonomi there 
    1.65 +to make everything all right. I thought I loved him but... It had to be this way. 
    1.66 +We had to have Sakura so that everything could come about. And you had 
    1.67 +Tomoyo because of your loneliness. It’s always so sweet seeing you with your 
    1.68 +daughter. I still can’t believe you have her keep her hair like mine. You make a 
    1.69 +wonderful mother, Sonomi. I’m right here. I’m right with you, just like I always 
    1.70 +am. I’m keeping an eye on you. And my daughter. And yours. But you can’t see 
    1.71 +me. I want to cry at that. If only... But you’ll understand one day. Because I’m 
    1.72 +waiting for you, Sonomi. I’ll be waiting for you here as soon as your life is over. 
    1.73 +Waiting right here. Oh, I’m sorry. Oh, Sonomi...’
    1.74 +
    1.75 +	A knock at the front door startled Sonomi out of her reverie. Who could 
    1.76 +it be all the way out here in the woods? She contemplated leaving the visitor 
    1.77 +alone for a moment, but finally decided against it. Who would be all the way up 
    1.78 +here if it wasn’t important? It had better be, at least. The businesswoman headed 
    1.79 +through the large home with sure steps towards the door. Maybe Tomoyo had 
    1.80 +decided to come up after all. All she would have to do is tell her bodyguards to 
    1.81 +drive her out here. And her grandfather would be thrilled to see her. Or maybe it 
    1.82 +would be Sakura out here like she had been so long ago. If it was, Sonomi would 
    1.83 +have to tell her all about the way of things and make her understand just how 
    1.84 +much Tomoyo loved her. If Tomoyo wasn’t going to, someone needed to spell 
    1.85 +things out for the brunette. She swore Sakura could be just as dense as her 
    1.86 +mother. “Nadeshiko...?” Not even realizing she’d said her name, Sonomi was 
    1.87 +staring directly at the very woman who had left the biggest impact on her life. 
    1.88 +Suddenly she was ten again, up with her cousin at her grandfather’s house for 
    1.89 +the weekend, the two of them playing happily as Sonomi tried her hardest to 
    1.90 +protect her fragile little cousin. 
    1.91 +	Long, gray hair framed the picture perfect face of the woman in the 
    1.92 +doorway. “Sonomi!” she exclaimed happily, her heart pounding in her chest as 
    1.93 +she smiled brightly. Her long curly hair fluttered in the wet wind as the coming 
    1.94 +storm began to pick up. Her face hadn’t changed at all, still the same beautiful 
    1.95 +features that had adorned her the day she’d died oh so many years ago. Her long 
    1.96 +white dress clung to her loosely in the wind. Smiling emerald eyes playfully 
    1.97 +grasped Sonomi’s own.
    1.98 +	The specter just stood there in the doorway staring back at Sonomi for a 
    1.99 +long moment. Before Sonomi could tell herself that this was a stress induced 
   1.100 +hallucination, the figure of her long dead cousin lunged forward in a warm 
   1.101 +embrace. “Na… Nadeshiko-chan?” she asked weakly, feeling the blood drain 
   1.102 +from her body. Her thoughts swirled like the storm that would soon be upon 
   1.103 +them. She could barely form any coherent thought as she stood in the embrace, 
   1.104 +her emotions warring in her heart. Ignoring them all, she hugged her cousin back 
   1.105 +as tightly as she could. Everything was the same, from her soft touch to the 
   1.106 +sweet scent of her hair that tickled Sonomi’s nose. 
   1.107 +	Nadeshiko stood there for a long moment in Sonomi’s protective arms. 
   1.108 +That had been a lot easier than she’d thought. She had been so worried that 
   1.109 +Sonomi would send her away, that she’d be angry with her. It had taken her 
   1.110 +forever to work up the courage to knock on the door. But now, in her cousin’s 
   1.111 +arms, it all felt right again. Maybe Sonomi wasn’t mad at her after all. But... No, 
   1.112 +she couldn’t think about what could go wrong right now. She just had to follow 
   1.113 +her heart and it would all work out. This time she wouldn’t waver from her 
   1.114 +heart. A few more cold droplets of ice water splashed against her ivory skin, 
   1.115 +making her shiver. “Umm… Sonomi, do you mind if I come in?” 
   1.116 +	Still completely caught off guard by her cousin’s sudden reappearance, 
   1.117 +Sonomi nodded weakly. “Hai, come right in, Nadeshiko-chan. I don’t want you 
   1.118 +getting wet. You could catch cold.” 
   1.119 +	Nadeshiko giggled as she let the older woman escort her inside. Old 
   1.120 +habits died hard, apparently. Sonomi was still as overprotective of her as always. 
   1.121 +Something about that was reassuring. Sonomi was nearly as overprotective with 
   1.122 +her daughter as she’d been with her.  Watching with a little concern at her 
   1.123 +cousin’s shocked expression, she waved her hand in front of Sonomi’s face, the 
   1.124 +brunette’s slant hairstyle moving from side to side as she shook her head. 
   1.125 +“Sonomi, are you alright? You seem so... agitated.” 
   1.126 +	“I’m fine, Nadeshiko-chan. Just fine. I...” Sonomi shook her head 
   1.127 +again, at a loss for words. Her dear, sweet, beloved Nadeshiko-chan was 
   1.128 +standing there in the living room. Hadn’t she practiced over and over what she’d 
   1.129 +say to her if she ever saw her again? But now it all drained away. She had never 
   1.130 +thought she would actually have the chance. Her hand reached out slowly, shaky 
   1.131 +fingers brushing Nadeshiko’s soft cheek and gray hair. Pulling back, afraid that 
   1.132 +she’d disappear, Sonomi just watched her cousin for several uneasy moments. 
   1.133 +She had the urge to take her in her arms, kiss her, and never let her go. Instead, 
   1.134 +she tried very hard not to blink once as she went over and started rummaging 
   1.135 +through her purse. 
   1.136 +	Watching silently, Nadehsiko took a seat in the plush chair her 
   1.137 +grandfather had bought when she was...eleven? No, that was the year Sonomi 
   1.138 +had dragged her out of the pool because she’d thought she was drowning. Nine? 
   1.139 +No, that was when they’d gone hiking and she’d sprained her ankle and Sonomi 
   1.140 +had tried to walk all the way back home with her on her back. No, the chair was 
   1.141 +definitely when she was twelve. Smiling pleasantly as she pushed her memories 
   1.142 +to the side, she placed her hands in her lap. The smile faded as she watched 
   1.143 +Sonomi pacing back and forth with a cigarette. Sonomi had stopped back the 
   1.144 +first time Nadeshiko had caught her when they were teenagers. All she had had 
   1.145 +to say was that she didn’t want Sonomi doing that and the other girl had quit 
   1.146 +altogether. It didn’t matter that it could have ruined her on the track team, all 
   1.147 +that mattered was that she didn’t want her to. But Sonomi’s shaking hands 
   1.148 +showed that this was a desperate attempt to calm frayed nerves. She wanted to 
   1.149 +get up and try to comfort her the way she used to, but she didn’t know if Sonomi 
   1.150 +would welcome her as she used to so many years ago. 
   1.151 +	Taking a huff of the cigarette, Sonomi’s mind fought desperately to 
   1.152 +rationalize what was going on. Too much work? Too many memories from 
   1.153 +being back at her grandfather’s house? A bad dream? Indigestion? Did it even 
   1.154 +matter as long as she was back? Shaking her head, she fought back tears. She 
   1.155 +didn't think she could handle losing her again. What if this was any one of those 
   1.156 +things? Was it even Nadeshiko? How could it be? 
   1.157 +	“It really is me, Sonomi,” Nadeshiko spoke up from across the room, 
   1.158 +cutting into her thoughts. “I wanted to see you again. I miss you.” She frowned 
   1.159 +sadly as her eyes met her cousin’s again. “I have ever since you left me. I was 
   1.160 +never truly happy after I lost you, Sonomi. I wanted you to see my babies and to 
   1.161 +be there just like we always talked about when we were little. I needed my big 
   1.162 +cousin to watch out for me. You know I’m no good at it on my own.” A sad 
   1.163 +laugh escaped her lips. “I just... My wedding night? Did you have to leave on 
   1.164 +my wedding night?” Tears glistened in emerald green eyes. 
   1.165 +	The taller woman felt as if she’d been shot through the heart at the 
   1.166 +wavering in Nadeshiko’s voice. “What? Nadeshiko-chan, you weren’t supposed 
   1.167 +to know about it. That’s why I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving. If I’d known...” 
   1.168 +She closed her eyes but opened them hastily, afraid that her dearest Nadeshiko 
   1.169 +would disappear, leaving her all alone once more. 
   1.170 +	“You’d have what? Left later when I couldn’t come find you and beg 
   1.171 +you to stay?” Nadeshiko asked softly. “Do you know how much that night hurt? 
   1.172 +I had just gotten married and found out that you were going away. That I would 
   1.173 +never see my cousin, my best friend, ever again. Seeing the hurt in your eyes... I 
   1.174 +couldn’t take it. Fujitaka found me crying in my wedding dress after I’d watched 
   1.175 +you walk away for good. And then I had to put on a smile for the few members 
   1.176 +of my family that actually came to my wedding.” As soon as the words were 
   1.177 +out, she regretted them. No matter how painful that night had been for her, it had 
   1.178 +been infinitely more painful for her cousin. Sonomi had felt betrayed, lost, torn 
   1.179 +apart. She had nothing to do but run away. What would have happened had 
   1.180 +Sonomi stayed? That would have just hurt her even more. 
   1.181 +	The room blurred around Sonomi as her eyes began welling with tears, 
   1.182 +that painful night still vivid in her memory even after all those years. “I had to 
   1.183 +see you one last time. I felt like I was dying the entire ceremony. One knife in 
   1.184 +my heart after another. I could barely keep quiet when they asked if anyone had 
   1.185 +any objections. I could barely hold in the tears. But I tried my damnedest to get 
   1.186 +that bouquet of yours. I still have it, actually. Nadeshiko-chan, I had to see your 
   1.187 +wedding but I couldn’t bear to be a part of your life after that. It hurt too much 
   1.188 +knowing that I’d lost you forever. You can understand that, right? You knew I 
   1.189 +loved you but you married him anyway. You mean everything to me, but every 
   1.190 +time I saw you with him, I felt a piece of me die. I had nothing to live for 
   1.191 +without you. It took me years, until I had Tomoyo-chan, that I finally had a 
   1.192 +reason again.”
   1.193 +	“Sonomi...” Nadeshiko whispered sadly. “I’m so sorry, Sonomi... You 
   1.194 +know that I would never want to hurt you. I... I tried to find you... I looked 
   1.195 +everywhere but... no one would tell me...” Tears started spilling down her pale 
   1.196 +cheeks as the pain of the past took a firm grip on her soul. “Grandpa... He 
   1.197 +wouldn’t even tell me... He said you didn’t.. didn’t… didn’t want to see me..” A 
   1.198 +muffled sob escaped her lips as she brought her hands up. Something caught 
   1.199 +them before they could reach her face. Looking up, she saw Sonomi looking 
   1.200 +down at her, gently holding her hands. 
   1.201 +	“Nadeshiko-chan,” Sonomi whispered softly, kneeling in front of the 
   1.202 +sitting girl. “I’m sorry. I made a huge mistake leaving, but I couldn’t live with 
   1.203 +myself seeing… HIM… with you. I loved you too much. I started over 
   1.204 +somewhere else, but I never stopped thinking about you. I never stopped loving 
   1.205 +you.” Bringing her hand up to the other woman’s face, she brushed some of the 
   1.206 +long gray hair back, letting her fingers caress her soft cheek. She shook her 
   1.207 +head. “Of course I wanted to see you. But I couldn’t handle it. There’s no way I 
   1.208 +could have seen the two of you and kept from breaking down.”
   1.209 +	“But..” Nadeshiko sniffled, blinking her wet eyes. “I missed you so 
   1.210 +much. I wanted to see you so badly. You were supposed to protect me like you 
   1.211 +always promised when we were little. I always felt safe with you. I lost that 
   1.212 +feeling when you left. I needed you.” She closed her eyes as she felt Sonomi’s 
   1.213 +fingers brush away her tears. The pain inside dulled slightly at Sonomi’s touch, 
   1.214 +it always managing to comfort her. “Sonomi...” All of her fears about returning 
   1.215 +to Sonomi seemed to fade away now that she was here with her cousin.
   1.216 +	“Not one day goes by when I don’t think about you. Life’s been 
   1.217 +unbearable ever since I last saw you. But somehow I’m still here and you’re 
   1.218 +gone. It’s not fair...” Closing her eyes for a moment, Sonomi had to take a breath 
   1.219 +before continuing. “I love you so much, Nadeshiko-chan. Why couldn’t I protect 
   1.220 +you from him? I failed you.”
   1.221 +	Nadeshiko placed a finger on Sonomi’s lips, shaking her head. “It’s not 
   1.222 +his fault, Sonomi. Had I been with you, I still would have died. I got sick. There 
   1.223 +was nothing you could have done. Please don’t blame yourself. Or him. You 
   1.224 +have a beautiful daughter and my two precious angels came out of it, so it’s not 
   1.225 +all bad. Thought I do regret not choosing you back then, Sonomi. I’ve missed 
   1.226 +you terribly. I lost you when I made my decision. But you have to understand, I 
   1.227 +was so afraid. I knew no one would understand if I chose you, that it was all so 
   1.228 +strange. It seemed so much safer choosing him. But I never stopped loving you, 
   1.229 +either. My love for him was... different.” Her fingers lightly brushed over 
   1.230 +Sonomi’s lips, a soft smile forming on her own. “But it’s you I’m waiting for. I 
   1.231 +promise I’ll make it up to you. You were the one I needed. I’m sorry I ever hurt 
   1.232 +you.”
   1.233 +	“Nadeshiko, don’t...” Sonomi began, but Nadeshiko’s hands on her 
   1.234 +cheeks pulled her into a soft kiss. Her loneliness, pain, and confusion all 
   1.235 +dissipated, her whole body being filled with the warm glow of her love for this 
   1.236 +beautiful woman in front of her. All the years of sorrow left her in an instant, her 
   1.237 +tears flowing more freely as she now had nothing to hold back. Her entire soul 
   1.238 +barred to her dearest, she returned the kiss as best she could. Years of regret and 
   1.239 +anger were replaced with a calm feeling spreading throughout her. Her fingers 
   1.240 +intertwined in Nadeshiko’s long silky tresses, losing herself in the deepening 
   1.241 +kiss. 
   1.242 +
   1.243 +	Nadeshiko watched Sonomi asleep with her head on the chair, still 
   1.244 +kneeling. She smiled softly, her fingers gently brushing through Sonomi eerily 
   1.245 +as she began to fade away. “I love you, Sonomi. I’m waiting for you. When I 
   1.246 +finally see you again, I’ll never let you go.” Sonomi stirred only slightly as she 
   1.247 +went back to her peaceful slumber, dreaming of her beloved. 
   1.248 +	
   1.249 +
   1.250 +