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     1.3 @@ -0,0 +1,668 @@
     1.4 +---------------------------------------------
     1.5 +Conjure Me 1/1
     1.6 +by Meredith Bronwen Mallory
     1.7 +mallorys-girl@cinci.rr.com
     1.8 +---------------------------------------------
     1.9 +
    1.10 +
    1.11 +DECEMBER 5th 2009
    1.12 +
    1.13 +
    1.14 + They walked hand in hand; though hers was cold as ice to him and she found
    1.15 +his to be uncomfortably sweaty. Heat rising from a swamp, ready to smother.
    1.16 +Her hands were strong, well formed and colored like light brushing against
    1.17 +a peach. Capable. Somehow, Sakura felt all that go away, when he wrapped
    1.18 +his calloused fingers around her hand; she thought perhaps he was drawing
    1.19 +the magic out of her, a little bit at a time. That was silly, of course;
    1.20 +they were just holding hands. Boyfriend and girlfriend, walking out under
    1.21 +the cold winter stars as their breaths released in little clouds. Snow
    1.22 +whirled about, caught in her auburn hair and pressed against her red coat
    1.23 +with the golden buttons. She laughed and, taking the opportunity to
    1.24 +disengage her hand, ran ahead, twirling when she reached a fork in the
    1.25 +path. Head tilted back, she opened her mouth like a child waiting for a
    1.26 +spoonful of powered sugar. The moon was a pale sliver, the delicate
    1.27 +crescent of a fingertip.
    1.28 +
    1.29 +
    1.30 +
    1.31 + Tomoyo blazed before her eyes, an inadvertent thought, but somehow more
    1.32 +real. The moon was a bright distant point of light in her best friendıs fey
    1.33 +eyes. She thought about last night, Tomoyoıs soft, cool hand in Sakuraıs
    1.34 +own, smiling as they turned and turned, making the world move on their own
    1.35 +axis. Then, rather than falling apart, they had pulled together and sunken
    1.36 +to their knees in the soft snow. Hands coming together, Tomoyoıs face
    1.37 +pillowed on Sakuraıs shoulder. And then, for some reason, Sakura buried her
    1.38 +face in her best friendıs hair, lost in an endless river of ebony and
    1.39 +violet.
    1.40 +
    1.41 +
    1.42 +
    1.43 + ³Hoe,² a soft, incredulous breath, coming in time with the color rising to
    1.44 +her cheeks. She realized belatedly that she had been standing still for
    1.45 +quite some time, and now Syaoran stood ahead of her waiting. Flashing him
    1.46 +an apologetic smile, she hurried to catch up. A cloud draped itself over
    1.47 +the moon, making the shapes in the park less familiar. When Sakura was
    1.48 +close enough, Syaoran took her hand again.
    1.49 + ³Letıs do something different tonight,² Syaoran suggested, turning to
    1.50 +Sakura with eyes that looked empty in the moonlight.
    1.51 + ³Nani? What do you mean?² absently, she looked at her watch. The hand and
    1.52 +shadow fell to nine oıclock.
    1.53 + ³I donıt know,² he said in a tone that meant he did, ³Do you want to come
    1.54 +to my apartment? You could  call your dad, tell him youıll be a little
    1.55 +late.² There was something, something in her chest, dark and slithering.
    1.56 +She didnıt know what it was.
    1.57 + ³Alright,² her voice was quiet. They continued in a different direction,
    1.58 +still holding hands.
    1.59 + She was sixteen years old.
    1.60 +
    1.61 +
    1.62 +~
    1.63 +
    1.64 +
    1.65 + Tomoyo walked carefully in the snow, feeling transported. Trees rose
    1.66 +against the star-filled sky, looking like twisted, polished question marks.
    1.67 +Not even the lights of the city could change the strange, alien feeling
    1.68 +that dipped like a scythe against her ribs. The people sharing the sidewalk
    1.69 +seemed somehow more removed, colorless almost,  though she told herself
    1.70 +that was only her loneliness seeping through. It bled like that, spreading
    1.71 +outward like a flower, anti-survival, pulling thorns inward. Shivering,
    1.72 +Tomoyo pulled her coat and moon-spangled scarf closer. Her dress, long and
    1.73 +red velvet, brushed against the backs of her legs, in time with the soft
    1.74 +click of her shoes. That was the rhythm, sudden and very overwheliming:
    1.75 +click - clack, click- clack, click - clack. Up beat, down beat. She paused,
    1.76 +oblivious to the pedestrians that pushed around her. Slim, china-white
    1.77 +fingers pressed against her temples, massaging there for a moment before
    1.78 +she continued onward. She thought about Sakura; Sakuraıs hair sliding
    1.79 +through the brush, Sakuraıs slim shoulders encased in green that matched
    1.80 +her eyes. Sakura, smiling, saying she had a date with Syaoran tonight, but
    1.81 +tomorrow she would take Tomoyo down town and theyıd have fun shopping.
    1.82 +
    1.83 +
    1.84 + Yesterday with Sakura, walking through a corridor of ebony trees, snow
    1.85 +dripping off their branches like strings of glass beads. They had not
    1.86 +seemed like question marks then, but rather totems raised for Sakura,
    1.87 +supporting a palace that had never been built. The wind had moved around
    1.88 +the two of them like a river current, rising against Tomoyoıs cheek bones--
    1.89 +a longed-for touch-- pushing the clouds across the moon and then away
    1.90 +again. Sakura had turned towards Tomoyo, smiling, her emerald eyes like the
    1.91 +depths of the ocean in the darkness. Glory had pushed up through Tomoyo
    1.92 +then, sung in her veins, and as always there was no where for it to go. It
    1.93 +cycled through her, refined each time it passed through her heart, the same
    1.94 +as the blood in her veins. Her throat tightened miserably, all the words
    1.95 +that tangled there seemed stupid and inexpressive. Sheıd searched Sakuraıs
    1.96 +face for understanding, some hint of... there were no words for what she
    1.97 +was looking for. Her hands had gripped Sakuraıs and then, by some unspoken
    1.98 +agreement, they began to turn, round and round, never getting anywhere, but
    1.99 +pulling in towards each other. When they fell to the ground, Tomoyo had
   1.100 +laid her head on her friendıs shoulder, gripping the other girlıs coat with
   1.101 +hands that felt like they would break.
   1.102 + Sheıd said, ³Sakura...²
   1.103 +
   1.104 +
   1.105 + ³Silly, jealous girl,² she murmured to herself.  She forced herself to see
   1.106 +Sakura, happy and smiling on her wedding day, veil thrown over her face
   1.107 +like whatever it was that kept her from seeing the truth.  Syaoran would
   1.108 +stand just-so beside her, not smiling because he never smiled, but still
   1.109 +looking like he was happy, looking like he would take care of Sakura. And
   1.110 +herself, somewhere in the background; the one who organized everything, the
   1.111 +one who wiped tears off Sakura's face when she said she was scared and
   1.112 +didn't know if she could go through with the wedding. Always, Tomoyo held
   1.113 +this vision out to herself, but whether it was a promise or a threat even
   1.114 +she didn't know. Presently, the wind pushed the snow against her in a gush,
   1.115 +like the tiny frozen wings of butterflies. Tomoyo breathed deeply, and the
   1.116 +pinch of the scythe became just a little bit stronger.
   1.117 +
   1.118 +
   1.119 +~
   1.120 +
   1.121 + Her coat was tossed haphazardly in the easy chair, her shoes --black
   1.122 +patenleather with dainty straps-- sat patiently like twin dogs beside
   1.123 +Syaoran's thick sneakers. Sakura saw none of these things, but later she
   1.124 +would remember the placement of everything in the room as one remembers the
   1.125 +stillness of the world before a tornado. She waited for the windows to blow
   1.126 +inward, glass shards like knives ready to cut to the quick. Instead, the
   1.127 +color simply drained from the room; no more blue sofa, brown coffee-table,
   1.128 +green carpet, black-yellow-brown-blue-red pictures of relatives from China.
   1.129 +Only Syaoran's hands retained their color, looking somehow like menacing
   1.130 +claws as they hang suspended before her chest.
   1.131 + "Ano..." he said, and his hands shook with the words. She realized she
   1.132 +hadn't been looking at his face. How strange this felt, like someone else's
   1.133 +life. He wanted her to say something, but there didn't seem to be anything
   1.134 +inside her anymore-- not even a voice. Wasn't she supposed to feel like she
   1.135 +was flying, like she was going to come apart if he didn't touch her and
   1.136 +kiss her? Wasn't that in all the movies and the books and the pictures of
   1.137 +pretty shoujo heroines in the final panels of manga? This was it, the rose
   1.138 +petals would fall across the screen, the hero and heroine would tumble
   1.139 +gracefully onto the bed, like dancers. Perhaps, she thought, it takes a
   1.140 +little while to build up. So she lifted her lips like she did when she
   1.141 +smiled and nodded her head. He moved his fingers to the neckline of her
   1.142 +dress-- the pink one with the red ribbons that Tomoyo had made-- and
   1.143 +carefully slipped a button loose while he made a little breathy noise that
   1.144 +sounded like "Sakura" or the brush of dried leaves on cold stone.
   1.145 +
   1.146 +
   1.147 + Tomoyo had laid her head on Sakura's shoulder, lips pressed into Sakura's
   1.148 +scarf as she breathed words there. There was something rhythmic to it, an
   1.149 +ancient chant, and Tomoyo's body had moved with it, arms snaking around
   1.150 +Sakura's waist.
   1.151 + "Daijobu?" Sakura could not remember asking the question, but a small
   1.152 +flower of warm air bloomed in the cold, and Tomoyo's body stiffened, so she
   1.153 +must have said something like that.
   1.154 + "I want to tell you something," Tomoyo had said, "I want to..." Her breath
   1.155 +had shuddered, even as Sakura stroked her hair, "but I can't."
   1.156 + "Naze?" a little broken word. Tomoyo slipped gracefully from Sakura's
   1.157 +arms, her violet-ebony hair falling about her like folded wings. She smiled
   1.158 +and it looked painful, and her body was like something that could not be
   1.159 +held. Fragility. There was steel underneath, though; it was the color of
   1.160 +Tomoyo's eyes. She offered her hand, white as the moon on snow, and helped
   1.161 +Sakura stand.
   1.162 + One of them said, "let's go get something to eat"; as if nothing had
   1.163 +happened.
   1.164 +
   1.165 +
   1.166 + Now they were moving towards the bedroom, Syaoran lifting Sakura into his
   1.167 +arms. Her legs were polished and long-- too long, apparently-- and she had
   1.168 +a hard time shifting her weight against Syaoran's chest. He was down to his
   1.169 +boxers, she clad only in the creamy silk shift with its lace of growing,
   1.170 +virginal flowers.
   1.171 +
   1.172 +~
   1.173 +
   1.174 + Tomoyo tested out a smile, looking at the reflection of her face in the
   1.175 +display window. Behind her ethereal image, there cookies, pies and delicate
   1.176 +pastries, festive and brightly lit. The smile faltered, then died
   1.177 +altogether as Tomoyo attempted to brush away the warm image that rose like
   1.178 +a seductress from a bed of silk. Her mind held out the possibility,
   1.179 +impossibility, of a table spanned with candles and good food, set before
   1.180 +herself and Sakura as they reclined in one another's arms. Her mask
   1.181 +crumbled momentarily, her mouth pouted and her eyes closed to hold back
   1.182 +tears, but it was gone so quickly that Tomoyo was able to tell herself it
   1.183 +hadn't happened. Her heart fluttered weakly within its cage, its protests
   1.184 +lost as she pushed the thoughts from her mind. Things that happened without
   1.185 +Sakura were in parentheses, and there for didn't count. Instead, Tomoyo
   1.186 +turned on her heel and headed into the shop, entering with the cold breeze
   1.187 +as her fanfare. She didn't even noticed as her blood ebbed more slowly in
   1.188 +her veins.
   1.189 +
   1.190 +~
   1.191 +
   1.192 +
   1.193 + It took only three of Syaoran's heavy steps down the hallway and they were
   1.194 +there, poised in the threshold of his room. She tried to smile up at him,
   1.195 +but he wasn't even looking at her, and when he tried to move he ended up
   1.196 +ramming her hip into the doorframe. Now he was looking at her, lukewarm
   1.197 +brown eyes narrowing in concern. Sakura bit her lip so hard she tasted her
   1.198 +own bitter wine, but muttered a 'don't worry' to his apology. He put her
   1.199 +down on the bed, moving her legs so that they were uncrossed, situating her
   1.200 +like a china doll. His hands, big, calloused and sweaty, reached for the
   1.201 +hem of her slip, lifting it ever so slightly before she cried out.
   1.202 +
   1.203 +~
   1.204 +
   1.205 + "Can I get you something, miss?"
   1.206 + "Just a cup of tea, with honey, and..." Tomoyo raised her hand
   1.207 +instinctively to cover her mouth, then coughed delicately into the white
   1.208 +fabric on her palm. She put her hand down quickly, "and a few of those
   1.209 +chocolate chip cookies." The tea was in a little china cup lined with gold,
   1.210 +the cookies laid on a paper doily; three of them. Syaoran and Sakura and
   1.211 +Tomoyo. She carried them carefully to a little round table, crossing her
   1.212 +legs as she sat, trying to quell another cough. Raising the cup to her
   1.213 +lips, she thought of a dress design like poetry, seams fitting together in
   1.214 +careful black, green and gold, silently complimenting the depths of
   1.215 +Sakura's shadowed, jungle eyes. Another idea swept away the last, this time
   1.216 +a great embroidered gold dragon curling about Sakura's neck line. The
   1.217 +images were vivid, making her fingers itch, so that Tomoyo did not see the
   1.218 +blood she coughed up into her glove.
   1.219 +
   1.220 +~
   1.221 +
   1.222 +
   1.223 + Syaoran's eyes were narrowed until it looked like he couldn't see anything
   1.224 +at all, but Sakura kept her face determined and her hands hard as she
   1.225 +loosened his grip on the slip.
   1.226 + "Something wrong?" His words were blunt, cutting.
   1.227 + "Iie..," Sakura shook her fire-brown locks, "but we can do..." there were
   1.228 +words for it, of course, but she somehow couldn't bring herself to use any
   1.229 +of them, "without taking this off."
   1.230 + "Alright," he said, and she smiled because she somehow wanted to protect
   1.231 +herself from him. In the next moment, she turned her lips down, remembering
   1.232 +the long monologues of praise in the romance novels-- how the heroine
   1.233 +wanted her man to have everything of her, that she wanted to share with
   1.234 +him, her whole self. She couldn't hold onto it, any of it, so detached was
   1.235 +she. Syaoran took off his boxers, dropping them beside the bed; she slipped
   1.236 +off her underwear then tossed them, trying to be decadent, to celebrate her
   1.237 +loss, and the white scrap of cloth flew through the air like a kamikaze
   1.238 +bird.
   1.239 +
   1.240 +
   1.241 +
   1.242 + 'Someone', Tomoyo thought suddenly, wildly, 'is ripping me open and sewing
   1.243 +me back up'. An ill tide rose in her being, so swift and powerful that all
   1.244 +at once she couldn't remember what it was like to not have pain. There was
   1.245 +pain, everywhere, the bright, functional needles of a sewing machine.
   1.246 +
   1.247 +
   1.248 + His breathing was the sound of metal on metal, sword on sword. Sakura
   1.249 +moved backwards, feeling the pillows pressing into her back, hands offering
   1.250 +her up for sacrifice. Syaoran's nails were rough on her skin, cutting
   1.251 +without leaving a mark. Now the pillows would give way no more and her head
   1.252 +was pressed against the merciless wall. She had a sudden, insane image of
   1.253 +her mother like this: cornered and crying inside.
   1.254 + "This isn't it," Sakura imaged her saying, her long hair moving to cover
   1.255 +her body in vain, "this isn't, isn't it."
   1.256 +
   1.257 +
   1.258 +
   1.259 + She was being pressed in the gears, drawn out like a piece of thread and
   1.260 +pinned down again and again. Tomoyo's pretty, gloved hands rose, like the
   1.261 +fluttering of doves wings, to touch her burning cheeks. She felt the damp
   1.262 +palm of her right fingers, looked down to see them colored in red. As if
   1.263 +Sakura had kissed them with lipstick, her traitorous mind supplied. A sound
   1.264 +devoid of happiness burst from Tomoyo's lungs; she laughed because she knew
   1.265 +she was dying, knew that Sakura would never touch her and now and forever
   1.266 +there was really no chance. Strange, how she'd never really admitted it.
   1.267 +
   1.268 +
   1.269 + Sakura said the words, over and over; "this isn't it, this isn't it". They
   1.270 +were heavy on her tongue and quick to fly, she was crying without shedding
   1.271 +any tears.
   1.272 + Syaoran said, "I'm not going to hurt you." As if he hadn't already.
   1.273 +
   1.274 +
   1.275 + Tomoyo's laugh rose, filled the small cafe until she felt the gazes of
   1.276 +strangers slithering over her body. Biting down on her lip and swallowing
   1.277 +her voice, she tasted her own blood and a touch of the ocean. Salt water;
   1.278 +her tears. Fingers, stained and trembling felt against her face as though
   1.279 +she was a blind woman. The world blurred and blurred with her pain (God,
   1.280 +she didn't even know what was happening), and at last the beating of her
   1.281 +lungs forced her to open her mouth. Tomoyo coughed, and blood fell from her
   1.282 +lips like grotesque rain.
   1.283 +
   1.284 +
   1.285 +
   1.286 +
   1.287 + Now the glass did break; windows pushing inward like bubbles released from
   1.288 +a child's summer hand. The shards flew wildly, vengeful faeries, and Sakura
   1.289 +reared back, watching Syaoran lift his arms in defense. She slipped past
   1.290 +him like she was made of nothing.
   1.291 + "Tomoyo," she whispered, so pained that she could not remember ever having
   1.292 +happiness. The new red kisses of blood on her skin and the crimson river
   1.293 +falling between her legs did not concern her, instead she raised her hands
   1.294 +to hold the emptiness tearing through her body like a tiger; she looked in
   1.295 +Syaoran's dull brown eyes and saw fear there.
   1.296 + 'You!' she wanted to scream, to pour accusation on him, but Sakura was too
   1.297 +full of her own sick guilt to blame anyone else. Instead, she turned and
   1.298 +fled, silken camisole moving against her body like a dozen concerned hands.
   1.299 +Down the stairs, her bare fee pounding mercilessly until they were too numb
   1.300 +to feel the cold as she ran into the winter night. It was as if someone had
   1.301 +taken her hands, was leading her, and indeed she ran with them
   1.302 +outstretched, ignorant of her final destination. The star-key dropped
   1.303 +against her chest in time with her heart beat, ringing against her ribcage
   1.304 +with finality. Then her hand was on a cold metal bar-- she was pushing open
   1.305 +a glass door and hurrying into a place filled with bright lights and the
   1.306 +sound of Tomoyo dying. Pushing through the crowd with hands that chilled
   1.307 +all she moved aside, Sakura saw her best friend laid out of the blue and
   1.308 +gold and white pattern tile, a sprawled and broken china doll. She was on
   1.309 +her knees without thinking about it, Tomoyo's pale form closed within her
   1.310 +arms. The still girl stirred, turning her wide snow-touched star-light eyes
   1.311 +on the Card mistress,  and Sakura almost cried; for Tomoyo's face was
   1.312 +filled with joy at seeing her.
   1.313 + "Sa..." Tomoyo's labored breathing swallowed the rest of the sound. Her
   1.314 +eyes slipped closed momentarily as sheer red flowed to her lips. They were
   1.315 +in a sea of red, Sakura realized, their blood mingling and staining
   1.316 +everything around them.
   1.317 + "Tomoyo-chan," Sakura managed, holding the other girl's delicate fingers.
   1.318 +"Don't die," she said the dark-haired girl's name over and over again, as
   1.319 +if the chant could call her back into her body. "I'm so sorry. I was trying
   1.320 +to be something I'm not...," Sakura breathed in her tears until her throat
   1.321 +hurt with them, "Forgive me, I'll make it up to you."
   1.322 + "I told you to," Tomoyo's smile was pale as coral, but it was real; the
   1.323 +pieces of Sakura's heart dove in their own suicide to realize just how much
   1.324 +of a facade her friend's happiness had been. In death's gentle embrace, her
   1.325 +eyes were filled with unconditional love, "I said to Sakura-chan, 'Li-kun
   1.326 +loves you'. It's my fault." The words buried themselves in Sakura-- it was
   1.327 +the truth when neither of them knew it. Tomoyo's soft, cool hand was
   1.328 +against Sakura's cheek, and then tracing softly over her lips. "And I," she
   1.329 +managed to raise her head, lips so close to her friend that he Card
   1.330 +mistress more felt the confession than heard it;
   1.331 +
   1.332 + "And I love Sakura."
   1.333 +
   1.334 +
   1.335 +==============
   1.336 +
   1.337 +DECEMBER 6th 2009
   1.338 +
   1.339 +
   1.340 + It was snowing again, falling through the window and collecting in
   1.341 +Sakura's lap. She knelt in her pajamas on the window seat, watching the
   1.342 +moon move through the clouds and feeling the cold slowly work is way into
   1.343 +her veins. The light behind her was dim, coloring her room a brown antique
   1.344 +photo; and the shadows seemed to move when they thought she wasn't looking.
   1.345 + "Sakura," Cerberus' two fine saber teeth lodged in her shirt, trying to
   1.346 +pull her away from the window; she only loosened his grip and absently
   1.347 +stroked his golden coat, barely registering sensation. A soft knock at the
   1.348 +door; no response, then a shaft of light annihilating the darkness.
   1.349 + "Imouto-chan..." this from another voice, and Sakura raised her head just
   1.350 +barely to meet her brother's gaze. Touya held the phone in his hand,
   1.351 +towards her and away from him. "It's Sonomi-san. She wants to talk to you."
   1.352 +Sakura allowed the phone to be placed in her still hands, her green eyes
   1.353 +like emerald windows that had been pulled tightly closed against the world.
   1.354 +"Ano..." Touya said, "Syaoran was here, earlier. I told him to come back
   1.355 +later."
   1.356 + For a moment, Sakura moved her lips without sound, before her voice
   1.357 +sounded like the high string on a cello-- sweet, but strangely low. "When
   1.358 +he comes again," she seemed ageless, eternity shivering by the window,
   1.359 +"tell him he knows why I will not see him, and shall never see him again.
   1.360 +Tell him I give him no blame, that it is not his fault. Tell him, also, to
   1.361 +go home and marry Meiling, that he might keep his honor and make her
   1.362 +happy." She turned her hand away, gazing at he bright round buttons of the
   1.363 +telephone, before raising it to her ear. Touya stood for a moment, stunned
   1.364 +by the chill in his little sister's eyes and voice, before pressing his
   1.365 +wide hand against her shoulder and retreating.
   1.366 +
   1.367 + For a moment, there was only breathing on the line.
   1.368 + "Konbanwa, Sonomi-san," Sakura said, pressing her free hand to her mouth,
   1.369 +swallowing sob after sob.
   1.370 + "Oh, Sakura-chan," the voice of Tomoyo's mother was soothing and
   1.371 +discomforting at once. "I wanted to ask you, could you... would you please
   1.372 +speak at Tomoyo's funeral tomorrow?" Tears came like static on the line,
   1.373 +"She did love you so... I think it would make her happy."
   1.374 + "Of course, Sonomi-san," Sakura drew in a breath that caught in her
   1.375 +throat, "I would be honored. Tomoyo is..," her eyes closed to combat the
   1.376 +truth, "was so... very precious to me."
   1.377 + "Hai," they were both crying now, words distorted and raw, "There are
   1.378 +things here I think she would want you to have."
   1.379 + "I can't take anything from you, Sonomi-san," Sakura said honestly, her
   1.380 +hands fisting in Cerberus' fur. The seal beast rested his head in her lap,
   1.381 +making small feline noises of comfort. "Tomoyo was your daughter-- you
   1.382 +should have her things."
   1.383 + "But she would have wanted you to have something," Sonomi insisted, "She
   1.384 +cared about you so much." Sakura felt sure she'd been cut, sliced from
   1.385 +breast bone o navel with hurt. <What can I say?> she wondered. She wanted
   1.386 +to tell Sonomi the truth, to say, 'it is my hand that caused your
   1.387 +daughter's death-- it was I who loved her, and with my unconscious magic
   1.388 +bound her to me. It was also I who betrayed her with another, and killed
   1.389 +her.' Sakura strained her eyes in the dim light, focusing on the row of
   1.390 +dolls near her bed. She gazed at an ebony-haired, silken-bronze clad doll
   1.391 +with a suddenly watery memory of a smile; the doll has been a gift from
   1.392 +Tomoyo.
   1.393 + Drawing a breath, she whispered into the phone; "I will take only what you
   1.394 +want me to have."
   1.395 + "Thank you," said the older woman, "Sakura-chan, if you need to talk, I am
   1.396 +here. When my Nadeshiko died, I should have liked to have had someone to
   1.397 +confide in... I am here if you need me."
   1.398 + Sakura bit her lip, "You are in so much pain, and yet yu're trying to ease
   1.399 +mine. I hope I can return the favor."
   1.400 + "Just go on to be whatever it is Sakura is destined to be," the tiny,
   1.401 +disembodied voice entreated, "Tomoyo-chan wanted to see you shine."
   1.402 + It was a while before Sakura could speak past the blinding agony, "I will.
   1.403 +I promise. Good night, Sonomi-san."
   1.404 + "Good night, and thank you," the other voice returned, before the air was
   1.405 +still and dead. Sakura held the phone in both hands, looking down into
   1.406 +Cerberus' deep brown eyes.
   1.407 +
   1.408 + "I did kill her, didn't I, Kero-chan?" Sakura's voice was soulless.
   1.409 + "You didn't mean to," the seal beast insisted.
   1.410 + "No," a sigh, "Everyone said to me, 'Syaoran loves you', and so I thought
   1.411 +I must love him too. I wanted so badly not to disappoint anyone. But..."
   1.412 +Sakura flung the phone away, watching it slide across the hard-wood floor
   1.413 +and spiral there. "I loved Tomoyo. I *love* Tomoyo," she breathed in the
   1.414 +present tense and all the hope it held. "I never let myself realize, I was
   1.415 +so scared of disappointing everyone."
   1.416 + "You were given a power you don't understand," Cerberus pointed out, "How
   1.417 +were you to know that your love for her bound you together?"
   1.418 + "I'm the one that cut the cord! Why did I go with Syaoran?" Sakura reached
   1.419 +blindly for the doll Tomoyo had given her, "The whole time I was there, I
   1.420 +knew everything was wrong. If I had left, or said no, Tomoyo-chan would
   1.421 +still be alive." Slowly, Sakura climbed to her feet, approaching her desk
   1.422 +on shaky legs. Her hands traced the rich cover of the book of Clow, and
   1.423 +Sakura Cards resting within.  "Now I see why Clow wanted to be rid of this
   1.424 +power." Her hand reached for the small over-head lamp as she opened the
   1.425 +book, eyes roaming over the beautiful illustrations of power; all beautiful
   1.426 +lines and careful coloring. The thought was so sudden that Sakura stood
   1.427 +with the force of it, feeling the world fall away beneath her feet. "Clow
   1.428 +cheated Death," she murmured.
   1.429 + "Hai," said Cerberus without thinking. A low tiger chuckle emerged between
   1.430 +his teeth, "Death came to see Clow, once or twice. Knocked on the door--
   1.431 +nice and polite," he smiled at the memory, "but Clow was the most powerful
   1.432 +sorcerer ever. He only died when he was tired of his power." The seal beast
   1.433 +gazed at Sakura, suddenly aware of the present, "The most powerful
   1.434 +sorcerer, save you of course."
   1.435 + "I had never thought about living forever," Sakura's words drifted, "or
   1.436 +close to forever, anyway." She turned the pages of the book, faster and
   1.437 +faster until it was the sound of birds rustling. With awe, she touched over
   1.438 +the beautiful faces of the Light and the Dark, "I can save her."
   1.439 + Cerberus stared at his Mistress for a moment, before venturing, "You'll
   1.440 +have wait, a very long time."
   1.441 + "I can learn to wait," Sakura murmured. Her hand was on the key, which
   1.442 +swiftly became her staff; she was bounding towards the open window. Her
   1.443 +toes touched the windowsill and she leapt out into the night with the Fly
   1.444 +card giving her staff wings. Raising her eyes to the moon, Sakura cried her
   1.445 +happiness. Tomoyo had waited so long for her, without ever expecting
   1.446 +fulfillment-- could not Sakura do the same?
   1.447 +
   1.448 +
   1.449 +
   1.450 +
   1.451 + The mortician had curled Tomoyo's hair loosely, draping the deep lavender
   1.452 +near the girl's neck to cover the scars from the autopsy. Reverently,
   1.453 +Sakura touched the corpse's pale cheek, feeling the void left by Tomoyo's
   1.454 +soul. Without the shimmer of the girl inside, the body was husk, a poor
   1.455 +imitation. With a hiss, she bit her lip, remembering what the doctors had
   1.456 +officially reported. A rare disease-- the collection of blood in the lungs.
   1.457 +Tomoyo had drowned to death in her own blood; but the doctors didn't know
   1.458 +the real reason why. A sob locked in Sakura's throat; Tomoyo didn't look
   1.459 +like she was sleeping, or even alive at all, only empty, empty. Moving the
   1.460 +lid of the casket away, Sakura reached for her key.
   1.461 + "Oh key that holds the power of the Stars," she chanted, hanging ont the
   1.462 +words with her sanity, "reveal to me thy true form. By the pledge between
   1.463 +us, Sakura doth command! RELEASE!" The breeze settled, and Sakura felt
   1.464 +oddly alone-- always, Tomoyo had been by her side, taping and observing her
   1.465 +magic. Swallowing her sickness, she lifted the first of the cards.
   1.466 +"CREATE-- make for me a box worthy of holding Tomoyo's heart!" A deep
   1.467 +breath, and she set the new silver chest aside. "FREEZE-- keep Tomoyo's
   1.468 +body young forever!" Finally, she raised her right hand high, "SWORD!"
   1.469 + With her eyes firmly fixed on the empty visage of her beautiful best
   1.470 +friend, Sakura lifted the sword.
   1.471 + "I love you, Tomoyo."
   1.472 + And she drove the blade in next to Tomoyo's heart.
   1.473 +
   1.474 +
   1.475 +
   1.476 +=================
   1.477 +
   1.478 +DECEMBER 5th, 2109
   1.479 +Tomoeda, Japan
   1.480 +
   1.481 + Once, the area had been the site of an amusement park in bright colored
   1.482 +plastics, with children laughing loud into the wind. Before that-- though
   1.483 +no one in Tomoeda had a memory extending that far-- an old, towering
   1.484 +mansion had rested on the land. Now both were long gone, bull-dozed in turn
   1.485 +for progress, and for some twenty years, wild vines and trees had retaken
   1.486 +the place. The earth easily forgets humanity. In recent years, it had
   1.487 +become the site of a new building project that had the citizens of Tomoeda
   1.488 +talking; even the children that climbed the old and faded King Penguin had
   1.489 +whispered amongst each other.  Gradually, a house seemed to grow from the
   1.490 +ground; yellow, with a porch that circled it and turrets as fine for any
   1.491 +castle. It became the home of a rich young heiress by the name of Kinomoto
   1.492 +Sakura, and if there had ever been another young girl with bright green
   1.493 +eyes, a cheerful spirit and whispering brown hair... well, there was no one
   1.494 +around to remember her. She looked not a day over sixteen, this young
   1.495 +woman, though she insisted she was twenty-two, and as far as anyone knew,
   1.496 +she lived in the house by herself. Sometimes, people said they heard voices
   1.497 +drifting down from the house, but that was just talk. At first, the towns
   1.498 +people  resented Kinomoto-san in a way, but she gave generously to the
   1.499 +drill team and cheer-leading club at the elementary school, and she seemed
   1.500 +to love the town as much as they did. Gradually, she became a regular
   1.501 +fixture, and people felt free to wave or greet her on the street. However,
   1.502 +only children really seemed at ease with her; perhaps because, despite her
   1.503 +powerful baring, she was still so much a child herself.
   1.504 +
   1.505 +
   1.506 +
   1.507 +
   1.508 + It was there on the calendar in thick, neat Kanji, some of it spilling
   1.509 +over into the next neatly lined square.
   1.510 + "December 5th," Cerberus read what his mistress had written, standing on
   1.511 +his hunches to see, "Tomoyo died. Please come back, Tomoyo." The name was
   1.512 +in friendly Hirigana, a little school-girl style heart draw cradled in the
   1.513 +'to'. "Todays the day," he said, padding across the kitchen tile towards
   1.514 +his companion, "Think she'll realize it when she wakes up?"
   1.515 + Perched on a stool near the counter, Yue tossed a lock of moon-white hair
   1.516 +and snorted, "Of course she knows, my furry friend. As if she hasn't been
   1.517 +watching the calendar like a hawk."
   1.518 + "Hai, hai," there was a flash, and Cerberus flitted into his smaller form,
   1.519 +alighting on Yue's shoulder. "I'm just a little worried, though. She hasn't
   1.520 +even mentioned it."
   1.521 + Yue rolled his eyes, "This is a very big thing-- very personal. She's
   1.522 +probably nervous. I think maybe we should..."
   1.523 + "Ohayo, Yue-san," the Card Mistress' voice rang clear in the cool winter
   1.524 +kitchen. She smiled just a little bit, standing in the doorway with the
   1.525 +rainbow lights of the sun catcher playing over her body. With a practiced
   1.526 +air, she plucked Cerberus from the air, "Ohayo, Kero-chan." Ignoring the
   1.527 +looks her friends gave her, Sakura padded towards the cupboard, pulling on
   1.528 +her silken pajama top. Cutlery and china began to chime together-- the
   1.529 +sounds of breakfast being made.
   1.530 + "Ohayo, Sakura-sama," Yue offered, stretching his wings and barely
   1.531 +managing not to over turn the stool. "Kero-chan and I were just talking. We
   1.532 +thought perhaps we would let you have the house to yourself today and check
   1.533 +out the old haunts-- the temple, the park..."
   1.534 + "Hey," Kero back stroked in the air, "As long as we buy some of that
   1.535 +really good Pocky from the corner store, I'm happy." Yue batted at him
   1.536 +absently, watching as his Mistress turned away from the oven.  There were
   1.537 +tears back-lighted emerald by her eyes, just barely swimming over her
   1.538 +lashes.
   1.539 + "Arigato, Yue-san," her smile was gentle and thankful, "That's very kind
   1.540 +of you."
   1.541 + "Don't mention it," Kero accepted the small pancakes Sakura offered out,
   1.542 +"It was my idea." Expertly, he dodged Yue's hand, holding out a slice of
   1.543 +pancake to the young man.
   1.544 + "I detest food," Yue returned, before turning back to Sakura, "Anyway, I
   1.545 +think we'll go right now." Sakura nodded softly and watched her two
   1.546 +companions drift out into the hallway. A moment later, she heard the door
   1.547 +close, and her body slumped against the counter. Gathering her strength,
   1.548 +she moved to sit at the table, picking at her food with a hopeless,
   1.549 +disinterested chop-sticks. Around her, the world was a comfortable new day
   1.550 +yellow-- outside the window, the sun touched the morning sky opal, and the
   1.551 +bare trees rose beautiful. Finally, Sakura pushed herself away from the
   1.552 +table and moved towards the back door on unsteady legs.
   1.553 +
   1.554 + Outside, the winter are was crisp and real on Sakura's skin-- she breathed
   1.555 +and watched small white air-flowers bloom. Trotting down the cobble stone
   1.556 +path, she moved into the green house, her hands touching lightly on the
   1.557 +roses, nadeshikos and lilies that grew there. In truth, she felt a little
   1.558 +silly, a little too much like Eriol-- living in her mansion house and
   1.559 +playing the recluse. She loved the people of her home town and tried to
   1.560 +mingle with them when she could, but they always seemed a little wary. As
   1.561 +she plucked a yellow rose to match the morning, Sakura supposed she didn't
   1.562 +blame them. She had left scarcely a year after Tomoyo's death, wanting her
   1.563 +memories of home to be pleasant, and not back-dropped with odd glances and
   1.564 +whispers of suspicion as she failed to age or change. She returned only
   1.565 +briefly for her father's funeral, and then for Sonomi-san's and, in the
   1.566 +mean time, she traveled. She had been to London, to New York, Paris and
   1.567 +even back to Hong Kong for the wedding of Syaoran and Meiling's
   1.568 +grand-daughter, Shaiming. Staying in one place for very long was never an
   1.569 +option, but she grew to enjoy the different landscapes of her life, all the
   1.570 +while longing for the day when the mystery aboard each boat or train or jet
   1.571 +she took would not be "who is that pretty young woman?", but "did you see
   1.572 +that beautiful pale woman and her friend? I wonder who they are". In a way,
   1.573 +she feared her hundred years of living would make her feel separate from
   1.574 +Tomoyo-- put distance between them, that they would no longer be able to be
   1.575 +friends. Still, the words of her gentle best friend ("There is no one I
   1.576 +want to be with more thn Sakura-chan") would come to her at night, and she
   1.577 +would dream of adventures for the both of them. Tomoyo had always seemed
   1.578 +ageless-- perhaps she and Sakura had finally caught up.
   1.579 +
   1.580 + Smiling lightly, Sakura carried her armful of flowers back to the house,
   1.581 +waving at the young school girls as they passed.
   1.582 + "Ohayo, Kinomoto-san!" one voice raised itself above the rest, and the
   1.583 +owner lingered by the hedge.
   1.584 + "Good morning to you, too, Asahi-san," Sakura greeted, patting the girl's
   1.585 +ebony braids with affection, "How are you?"
   1.586 + "I'm fine," Asahi chirped, her lop-sided red winter coat making her look
   1.587 +like a robin, "You look very happy, Kinomoto-san. How are you?"
   1.588 + "I'm well," Sakura felt a slight blush, "and I am happy. A friend of mine
   1.589 +will be returning today. It has been a long time since I've seen her."
   1.590 + "Really?" Asahi enthused, "Can I meet her?"
   1.591 + "I hope so..." Sakura looked away, "though perhaps she may not want to
   1.592 +stay. I have wronged her in the past, and hope to make up to her."
   1.593 + "Why didn't you see her earlier?" the younger girl inquired.
   1.594 + "Ah," Sakura laughed, mostly at herself, "We've had to wait-- I do miss
   1.595 +her so much."
   1.596 + "Well," Asahi pressed a finger to her lip, considering, "Even if my mother
   1.597 +says you are strange, Kinomoto-san, I don't see how any one could not like
   1.598 +you. I am sure your friend will stay!"
   1.599 + "Thank you, Asahi-san," Sakura murmured, selecting a yellow rose and
   1.600 +several small white flowers from her load. "That makes me feel a lot
   1.601 +better." Handing the small bouquet over the hedge, Sakura suggested, "Why
   1.602 +don't you take these to put in your class room. It'll help brighten up
   1.603 +winter."
   1.604 + "Thank *you*, Kinomoto-san!" Asahi clasped the blooms to her heart, "It's
   1.605 +the last day before break! I can't wait! Winter break is magic!" With that,
   1.606 +the young girl turned and ran pell-mell down the street, pausing at the
   1.607 +corner to look back and wave.
   1.608 + "Don't forget to button your coat!" Sakura called after her, "It's cold
   1.609 +out!"
   1.610 + "Look who's in their nightgown!" Asahi shouted in return, giggling. Their
   1.611 +laughter rang the bare tree branches.
   1.612 + "Winter break is magic," Sakura murmured, sobering. Turning, she went back
   1.613 +into the house, knowing she could not make herself wait any longer.
   1.614 +
   1.615 +
   1.616 + In Tibet, Sakura had met a young woman who painted other people's sadness,
   1.617 +so that they might look at it objectively. The Card Mistress kept her
   1.618 +painting in a large, unused bedroom, mounted over a table on which stood a
   1.619 +fine silver box. The canvas was coated with both longing and beauty; it was
   1.620 +a portrait almost identical to Tomoyo, a young woman with long
   1.621 +black-lavander hair standing by a window, cloak wrapped around her and
   1.622 +gazing out to the winter sea. There were other things Sakura kept in the
   1.623 +bedroom as well. A video camera, tapes, sewing supplies, and stacks upon
   1.624 +stacks of journals and sketchbooks-- those things given to her by Sonomi
   1.625 +after Tomoyo's funeral. Without realizing she was crying, Sakura placed the
   1.626 +flowers in a vase on the nightstand, smoothing the coverlet on the bed.
   1.627 +There were fine velvet draps over the windows, rows of beautiful dolls on
   1.628 +the wall, waiting for an owner. On the dresser, there were baubles of every
   1.629 +kind, jewlery and trinkets selected for someone special. All these things,
   1.630 +Sakura had collected, always thinking of Tomoyo-- and yet, now all she
   1.631 +wanted was to run through the street with her friend, to play ring around
   1.632 +the rosy in the park and fall down upon each other.
   1.633 +
   1.634 + "Oh, key that hides the power of the stars," Sakura began, lifting the lid
   1.635 +of the silver box and gazing in on the thing preserved so perfectly in ice.
   1.636 +A heart, the most perfect one-- for it was Tomoyo's. "I call upon Dark and
   1.637 +Light, I call upon Life! Give form to the woman who's heart has waited so
   1.638 +long! Give life to someone who was robbed of it so young! I call upon the
   1.639 +heavens-- once more give body to the spirit of Daidouji Tomoyo!"
   1.640 +
   1.641 + There was a moment when the room seemed terribly vacant-- as void as the
   1.642 +corpse Sakura had watched buried so long ago. Then, an impossible breeze,
   1.643 +brushing her short hair against her chin, and... Tomoyo. The pale girl
   1.644 +stood still and bare, marveling at her hands, her long arms; her hair moved
   1.645 +about her like a thing alive. Someone gasped, someone else cried out--
   1.646 +Tomoyo's gray gaze met Sakura's own.
   1.647 + "Sakura-chan," Tomoyo's voice was clear and distinct, a perfect crystal
   1.648 +note, "You brought me back. Your magic," there was a smile, and that joy
   1.649 +Sakura thought she'd never see again-- Tomoyo was happy to see her! "I
   1.650 +didn't think... after I told you..."
   1.651 + Sakura swallowed painfully, "Tomoyo-- it was my fault... it wasn't just
   1.652 +your love, it was mine!" Tears now, ringing with laughter, and still they
   1.653 +stood apart. Neither dared to touch the other, each watching, each sure her
   1.654 +hand would find a ghost. "My love tried to keep you with me. I was
   1.655 +selfish--"
   1.656 + "I wanted Sakura-chan to be happy," Tomoyo confessed, " I thought Syaoran
   1.657 +would do that for you."
   1.658 + "I know," Sakura reached out her shaking fingers, finally tangling them in
   1.659 +Tomoyo's soft hair, "It's okay. Even I didn't know what I really wanted."
   1.660 +Stepping forward, Sakura stood in the circle of Tomoyo's open arms,
   1.661 +bringing her mouth close the other girl's ear to deliver the words. A
   1.662 +whisper, "I love you, Tomoyo. Maybe we won't always be happy---"
   1.663 + "I have only wanted Sakura to be happy," Tomoyo cradled the other girl's
   1.664 +cheek, "but I would be happy, sad or anything in between with my Sakura."
   1.665 +Embracing the other woman, Sakura began to cry in earnest, pressing her
   1.666 +lips to Tomoyo's stainless palms.
   1.667 +
   1.668 +
   1.669 +OWARI
   1.670 +
   1.671 + 
   1.672 \ No newline at end of file