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[svn r3] moved all the bad stuff to 'old'
author rlm
date Fri, 19 Feb 2010 20:53:12 -0500
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1 WARNING: Yes, a fic with a warning. This isn't your run of the mill episode here. This
2 one will be slightly, if not very depressing. The email address is the same,
3 Saturn_Knight@hotmail.com for those of you who wish to email me, but don't send me
4 hate mail, because it'll be deleted.
5 ***************
6
7 "Where did we come from? Why are we here?
8 Where do we go when we die?
9 What lies beyond? And what laid before?
10 Is anything certain in life?
11 They say 'life is too short,' 'the here and the now,'
12 And 'you're only given one shot.'
13 But could there be more? Have I lived before?
14 Or could this be all that we've got?
15 '…Move on be brave! Don't weep at my grave!
16 Because I am no longer here.
17 But please never let your memory of me
18 Disappear…'"
19 Dream Theater: "The Spirit Carries On."
20
21 "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of one of
22 God's children." The day was overcast, gray and simply miserable. The angry sky
23 rumbled with fury as the small group crowded around an open grave, in direct defiance of
24 the chill. The figures, huddled around site, stood in somber, detached silence as the priest
25 continued to speak. " 'The lord is my shepherd; I shall not want…' We commit thee,
26 Hotaru Tomoe back to God's earth, though the body is only a vessel, and you, such a
27 lovely child, are in the hands of God once more. 'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,' so it has
28 always been and it always will be" He stepped forward, dropping a single rose on the lid
29 of the coffin, and motioned for the others to do so as well. The senshi approached one by
30 one, standing before the simple stone that marked her final resting place; an angel with its
31 wings wrapped around a small child, and murmured their final goodbyes to the lacquered
32 coffin lid.
33 "We'll miss you, Hotaru…" Ami said as she crouched down and released the
34 rose, allowing it to fall above the priest's.
35 "I'm sorry I never got to know you better," Minako sighed, she too allowing the
36 brilliant red rose to drop into the grave.
37 "It won't be the same without you, Hotaru…" Usagi stood by the edge of the six-
38 foot deep, rectangular hole; Chibi was by her side. Both of them relinquished their roses
39 at the same time, Usagi turned to let Chibi stand a moment longer.
40 "I'll miss you, Hotaru…you were my best friend. I never met anyone like you,
41 and I know I never will. You…" she paused, shaking her head and trying to swallow the
42 lump that creeped into her throat. "You can never be replaced…" Her eyes closed, tears
43 finding the way down her cheeks, only to fall, unheeded, onto the lid of the coffin.
44 'Why?' Chibi thought to herself. 'WHY!? It's not fair! She didn't do anything!
45 She wasn't a bad person anymore! It wasn't her fault before! SHE CHANGED!! DO
46 YOU HEAR ME?! SHE CHANGED!!!' She began to shake with anger, her small hands
47 curling into fists as she glared at the carving of an angel that watched over a nearby
48 grave. 'Why did you take her?! WHY!? All her power- all our power and we couldn't do
49 anything to help her! What good are we if we can't even protect each other!? How are we
50 supposed to protect the world? This is ridiculous…' Chibi was beginning falter, shaking
51 hard enough now that the other Senshi noticed, and Usagi slowly approached her.
52 "Come on…the other's need to say goodbye to her too. We all miss her," Usagi
53 too was crying, though not as uncontrollably as Chibi. The child didn't move, as much a
54 statue as the stone monuments that stood silent vigil over the dead. Slowly, red, swollen
55 eyes met Usagi's and Chibi opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't for a moment.
56 "Shh…" Usagi's finger moved over her daughter's lips, signaling her not to talk. She had
57 never seen her like this before, so angry, so…frightening.
58 "WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYY!!!!???" her piercing wail
59 echoed, rebounding off the tombstones, making the sound redirect to the people who
60 stood between them. Soon it sounded like the angels themselves were screaming in
61 agony.
62
63 The ride back to home was quiet, uneventful. 'I'm glad she's at least quiet now,'
64 Usagi thought to herself, looking over at the sleeping child that rested in her lap. 'I
65 thought we were going to be kicked off the plane on the way back here. She was glad the
66 people were sympathetic, even if annoyed and distressed at the hysterically crying child
67 who only ceased her sobbing after she fell asleep.
68 "I didn't know she'd take it this hard." Ami whispered to Usagi who only sighed
69 and nodded, though both of the older senshi's eyes were puffy from tears, they had
70 nothing on the pink haired girl. "It's so sad…I never knew she cared about Hotaru this
71 much… they were very good friends, now that I do think about it." Usagi nodded to Ami
72 for a fraction of a second before her eyes went wide.
73 Hearing Ami talk about Hotaru in the past tense finalized it as her being gone.
74 Usagi winced visibly and pulled her daughter tighter into her body, suddenly wanting to
75 be comforted, though Chibi didn't awaken. "Ami…god, why did you say that?" Usagi
76 narrowed her eyes at Ami even though she knew that she wasn't angry at her, hissing
77 through her clenched teeth, "Why?"
78 "I…I'm sorry Usagi, but all I said was that Hotaru and Chibi were-" she cut off,
79 suddenly realizing just what she had said and her hand covered her mouth. She didn't
80 need to say anymore. She didn't have to.
81 They spent the rest of the long ride from the cemetery listening only to the rain
82 patter down, and Chibi's steady breathing as she slept. 'You must be exhausted,' Usagi
83 thought as she brushed aside some of the girl's hair. 'I've never seen you cry like that,
84 and this much before…let alone scream that loudly. You must really care about her,
85 huh?' She refused to talk about Hotaru in the past tense, it tore her too much to even
86 begin to. 'She's lucky to have a friend like you…'
87 "Usagi….Usagi? We're home now," Usagi looked up quickly, realizing they were
88 now at Makoto's house, where they would be staying to keep each other company. "Do
89 you need a hand with her?" Ami gestured to Chibi, she was the only one who didn't head
90 quickly inside, not because of the angel's tears that streamed from the heavens, soaking
91 the world beneath, but because they were too numb to know any better. Only Ami's hard
92 wired sense of responsibility and courtesy remained.
93 "Huh? Oh, no, I've got her…" Usagi placed both legs out onto the ground, before
94 standing; the cold, but comforting rain began to trace over her face. "Let's get inside."
95 The door to the car was closed by Ami, as Usagi needed both hands to carry her daughter,
96 who was too out of it to even place her arms around her mother's neck. 'God, she's such
97 a dead weight…'
98 A stabbing pain in Usagi's head brought to her a sudden halt. She leaned her back
99 against a soaked pillar, to keep herself upright. Her mind forced the replay of the scene at
100 the funeral, where they stood gathered around Hotaru's grave. Only this time, she was
101 watching herself, and the others, in third person. Watching herself stand crying, Usagi
102 felt a direct chill, slithering down her spine before turning to the stone on the ground. It
103 was blank. The angel carved onto the gray stone suddenly turned its eyes and head to face
104 Usagi who gasped in fright. It began to mouth silent words to her, though she couldn't
105 make them out. 'I…I don't understand!' She thought trying harder to read the lips of the
106 angel.
107 "Love is stronger than death… Love is stronger than life… Don't let her grief
108 over come her… Love her…" Hotaru's hushed voice clearly sounded, whispering though
109 Usagi's ear, causing her to jump, and look around frantically, but the only thing she saw
110 now was Ami, who had her hand on Usagi's shoulder.
111 "Usagi! Are you ok? Get inside before your d-- catch a cold." She began to lead
112 her inside, oblivious to Hotaru's warning that carried itself on the fridged air.
113
114 Seisen floated through the swirling darkness, unaware of the creature that was
115 stalking him through the endless depths of the portal.. Unbeknownst to him, he was
116 floating back to the astral plane, by nothing more than dumb luck, but the monster
117 trailing him intended to stop this. It's tendril flared quickly at the youth, intending to
118 entangle him and draw him closer to itself to pull him from the sanctuary of the darkness.
119 However, at that moment, Seisen's eyes opened to see the imminent collision, but
120 managed to turn his body vertically so the tendril would only slam into his chest, not grip
121 him like the creature wanted. The impact of the blow sent the youth spinning head over
122 heels out of the portal and onto the ground of the astral realm, leaving the furious cry of
123 the creature to echo in his ears, just as his hand closed around the Silence Glaive. It began
124 to shimmer in response to his touch, but soon darkness was all he saw.
125 Waking in the still, flame lit darkness, Seisen sat up. His body was healed, he was
126 whole again…he glanced to the glaive by his side, which just shined knowingly. "Thank
127 you, Hotaru…" he mumbled under his breath before a single tear streamed down his face,
128 he could feel in his heart that the girl was dead, which meant he had very little time. He
129 stood up, grabbing the glaive in his hands, and began to run quickly down the path to the
130 afterlife.
131
132 Makoto's house was deathly silent, the senshi sitting around the living room
133 staring at the rug in the middle of the floor. Nothing stirred the quiet, besides the sound of
134 the girls' breathing. A breeze floated on the thick air, chilling Usagi down to her bones,
135 though none of the senshi seemed to notice the sudden icy whisper that ran it's fingers
136 through Usagi's hair. "Remember…" Hotaru's hushed voice murmured to the girl,
137 "Remember…."
138 "Remember what?" she said aloud, causing the rest of the inners to look at her, as
139 the others chose to heal in their own way. Four sets of red eyes looked to Usagi, though
140 no one spoke to her.
141 Assuming she was just thinking aloud they dismissed it and went back to looking
142 at their own feet. Chibi stirred in Usagi's lap, sitting up and glancing to her mother, "Did
143 you hear her too?"
144 Seisen stood at the foot of the bed, having successfully managed to prevent
145 Hotaru's passage into the afterlife by mere moments. He sighed, sitting down on the
146 chair, exhausted. "If I had been a second later, you would have gone…I'm glad I know
147 my way around the plane," he spoke to her, though she was asleep, just to break the
148 uneasy silence.
149 "You see, when you die your spirit returns here, to the astral plane. You are here
150 physically, like I told you before, since your spirit makes you whole here." Seisen knew
151 he was only talking to himself, but it was that or listen to the burning of the torches. "I
152 found you before you wandered your way into the afterlife…some people find their way
153 back to the realm of the living, which is why they are ghosts because they have no body
154 and don't want to be completely dead. So, I stopped your spirit from entering and losing
155 you forever…now all we have to do is find a new body for you, or have you reborn…
156 that's going to be hell, let me tell you…we'll worry about that later, just relax…"
157
158 Chibi sat in the tub of Makoto's bathroom in the now cooling water. She had been
159 in there for almost two hours, though she hardly noticed the time. Her skin was
160 wrinkling, her mind was wandering and her heart was aching. She didn't want to move,
161 she didn't want to think, she just wanted to be with Hotaru again.
162 "Chibi…? Are you OK in there?" Usagi asked as she gently knocked on the door.
163 The blonde was more worried about her daughter than she let on, Hotaru's words echoed
164 still in her ears, but she didn't understand what they were meaning to tell her.
165 "Yeah….I'm ok, I think I want to get out now." Chibi said, standing up and
166 letting the water drip from her body as she pulled the drain plug from the bath. She
167 watched the water swirling down the drain, but somehow in her mind she pictured
168 crimson swirls of blood draining down the hole. Her blood. She glanced away quickly.
169 "Ok…you have your pajamas and everything? We're going to sleep in the living
170 room, on the sofa…Minako, and Rei will be sleeping in Makoto's room, so we're sharing
171 with Ami." Usagi leaned her body against the door, her fingertips tracing the pattern of
172 the wood grain as she waited for Chibi to answer her.
173 "Yes…" was the only response Chibi gave as she began to towel off, though the
174 edge of the fabric was caught in the drawer. She sighed as she pulled it open and removed
175 the towel piece, and just as she was about to close the drawer, a small black object caught
176 her eye. Reaching in, she removed the black cylinder, which upon further inspection
177 revealed itself to be a box cutter; the razor still protruding from the top.
178 Chibi's mind flashed once more to the vision of her blood flowing down the
179 bathtub drain as she looked over the glint of the steel's edge. "Hotaru…" she said softly,
180 numbly running her finger over the blade, not so much as wincing as it tore easily
181 through her skin. "I'll see you soon…" she shoved the blade into the pocket of her
182 pajama pants and continued to dry herself off.
183
184 It was almost 1:00 AM before Usagi finally fell asleep. Ami had been resting for
185 almost an hour before hand, though Chibi was still awake listening to the thunder rolling
186 in the distance. The child had been sitting in silence the entire night, weighing the pros
187 and the cons of the razor in her hand, and though terribly frightened she had chosen to
188 indeed go through with it.
189 The chill in the air was undeniable as the child walked her final, self imposed mile
190 down the dark, lonely hall towards the bathroom; she wanted to do it in the bathtub,
191 where she wouldn't make a mess for Makoto. Flipping on the light switch, Chibi was
192 instantly blinded by the fluorescent daggers that sought out her dilated pupils and paused
193 a moment to let her eyes adjust to the brightness.
194 "I'll be with you soon, Hotaru…" she whispered to herself as she closed the door
195 behind her and made very sure it was locked before she took a look at herself in the
196 mirror. Red, tired eyes stared back at her, alabaster skin stained with the tears that have
197 since run dry. The child sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of her hand and stepping
198 over to the tub and sitting herself in it. It was cold. She shivered lightly in the tub, though
199 she chilled even more when she rolled up her left sleeve, since it was closer to the heart
200 she figured that it would bleed faster. "I'm sorry mom…everyone," she whispered to
201 herself as she extended the end of the blade to full length.
202 As she placed the razor's edge to her skin, she hesitated a moment. It would hurt,
203 she knew very well, but it was better a moment of physical pain than a lifetime of agony.
204 "I'm sorry…" the girl whispered again before pressing down on the handle of the box
205 cutter and driving it as deep as it will go into her soft skin.
206 White hot pain seared her body as the deep, crimson liquid began to pour from the
207 small wound on her wrist…it would take too long. Gathering her courage, she roughly
208 pulled the blade up her arm, moving toward her elbow rather than horizontally across her
209 wrist, as it would slice the entire vein rather than just a portion of it. With every
210 centimeter of her skin that tore, it allowed more blood to freely drop into the tub, the tiny
211 globules soon becoming thick, morbid river that washed her life down the drain.
212 Unable to take any more pain, Chibi dropped the box cutter with a loud clatter
213 against the tile floor, sending a few droplets spraying across the white tile.
214 The sound transmitted easily through the thin walls of Makoto's house, causing a
215 few of the senshi to awaken. Sitting up in the darkness, Ami rubbed her eyes and
216 stretched; the clock read almost 1:15 in the morning. "Who is up at such an hour?" she
217 whispered to herself, though as she stood she realized that Chibi Usa was missing.
218 "Leave it to her to wake the house…just like her mother." Ami said aloud, pausing to
219 look over the sleeping Usagi, "That isn't necessarily a bad thing though…" Shaking
220 herself free from the stare she had placed on the senshi of the moon, Ami began to head
221 in the direction of the noise.
222 Ami stepped quietly through the house, and when she reached the bathroom door,
223 she knocked softly on it, "Is everything ok? I heard a loud noise…" This startled Chibi,
224 who turned to look at the door a moment, but the room began to spin.
225 She didn't care anymore, she could hardly focus on anything; not what she was
226 leaving behind, only what she was going to. Her vision continuing to blur, the child
227 forced her eyes open a last time, and in her disorientation saw her best friend leaning over
228 her.
229 Hotaru's violet eyes were of great comfort to the dying girl, and as she felt a hand
230 running through her hair, she knew everything was going to be over soon, and she
231 wouldn't have to feel anything else. "Shh….Chibi," the soldier of Saturn whispered to
232 her, caressing her face with her pale hand, "Just a moment or two longer."
233 Hotaru felt selfish…she felt ashamed, and dishonorable for doing this. She knew
234 she should have stopped her friend from killing herself, but she couldn't. Hotaru wanted
235 Chibi to be with her. She wanted to see her again, to feel her touch, to know that she
236 wasn't alone in the darkness. Seisen was someone to talk to, yes, but it wasn't the same.
237 Nor had the man stopped her from coming back to see Chibi, which led Hotaru to believe
238 that this was OK with him as well.
239 "What will happen…?" Chibi mumbled the girl who still stood over her, finding it
240 very difficult to talk. Her body ached all over as the muscles began to seize, leaving her
241 to sit stiffly with her friend. Hotaru didn't say anything to her, simply shook her head and
242 leaned down, nuzzling the smaller girl's face with her own. Chibi shakily raised her
243 bleeding hand and touched Hotaru's lips with her fingers, causing a smear of blood to run
244 across them. "Please…" Chibi said, touching her lips again.
245 The raven haired child nodded to her friend and tilted her face to the side. Just as
246 her lips met Chibi's, the door unlocked seemingly of it's own will. "Chibi?" Ami called,
247 though she wasn't heard by either of the two in the room. Hotaru wrapped her arms
248 around her friend's body and hugged her tightly.
249 Chibi shuddered a moment, taking a final deep breath before growing still; dying
250 wrapped in Hotaru's arms never breaking their kiss. "Chibi, I'm coming in." Ami said
251 again, and the door slowly opened.
252 The sight that Ami witnessed that day would never be forgotten. Hotaru,
253 completely restored in her beauty sitting on the ledge of the bathtub holding a bloody
254 child in her arms. The raven haired ghost turned to look at Ami slowly, her lips smeared
255 with blood, giving her an even more macabre appearance. "Goodbye Ami…tell my
256 parents I say the same. I'm sorry I'm so selfish…" and with that, she faded from sight as
257 Ami began to scream as loud as she could.
258
259 "So how does it feel, little one?"
260 "H-…how does what feel? Where am I?"
261 "How does it feel to be dead?"
262 "I'm….dead?"
263 "Yes…you and Firefly…only there's a problem…"
264 "Problem….? I don't understand."
265 "……thou shalt not kill."
266
267