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[svn r3] moved all the bad stuff to 'old'
author rlm
date Fri, 19 Feb 2010 20:53:12 -0500
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1 Lonely, Lonely Heart
2 by Amazoness Duo
3 amazonessduo@hotmail.com
4
5
6
7 The wind was picking up. The radio had said there would be a storm
8 hitting soon. Often the news can be mistaken about such things, but
9 Sonomi had no doubt that this time they were correct. Which is why
10 she had hurried as quickly as she could. It was Nadeshiko's birthday,
11 after all, and she had never once been late in the eight years since
12 her death.
13
14 The limousine pulled to a stop in front of a quiet and still
15 cemetary. Stepping out of the back, Sonomi could feel the dampness in
16 the cool air. The breeze carried a strong smell of rain as dark
17 clouds rolled overhead. But the business woman paid them no heed as
18 she walked into the mostly empty graveyard. There were few mourners
19 today, few brave enough to tease the coming storm. Sonomi made a
20 mental note to call Tomoyo before she got home and make sure that she
21 was safe and sound. They could spend the night in front of the fire,
22 drinking hot chocolate. Perhaps they could watch some of Tomoyo's
23 beautifully filmed videos of Sakura. But that was all for later. For
24 now, she had something else she had to do.
25
26 "Hello, Nadeshiko-chan," Sonomi whispered into the silence. Kneeling
27 in front of Nadeshiko's gravestone, she set down an armful of Sakura
28 blossoms that she had brought with her, as well as a tiny box wrapped
29 with beautiful red wrapping paper and long pink ribbons. "Happy
30 birthday." Her fingers followed the curve of Nadeshiko's name along
31 the cold stone. How often had she whispered that name in her sleep?
32 How often had she called out it's beautiful syllables when she had
33 been younger? Countless times in the past, and forevermore in the
34 future would she be whispering the name of her darling cousin.
35
36 A dark sigh escaped Sonomi's lips as she closed her eyes. This was
37 always such a difficult thing to do. She had thrown herself into her
38 work after Nadeshiko had gone away with -him- as a way to distract
39 herself from her pain. It allowed her to forget the despair that
40 clung to her heart. But whenever she was here at her cousin's grave,
41 it was impossible to forget. Countless memories, both sweet and sad,
42 joyful and sorrowful, flooded back to her when she was there. Here in
43 this place, she didn't have her work to focus her thoughts upon. She
44 didn't have her gentle daughter to ease the loneliness in her heart.
45 Here she was left all alone with her memories.
46
47 'Please don't cry, Sonomi-chan,' Nadeshiko had whispered oh so long
48 ago. Sonomi had rushed to her side upon finding out that her beloved
49 was dying. She had run from the pain, distancing herself from
50 Nadeshiko's life when the other girl had been wed, but she had found
51 herself forcefully pulled back by Nadeshiko's sudded illness. 'I
52 don't like to see you sad. I'll watch over you. So please be happy.'
53
54 'I.. I can't, Nadeshiko-chan...' Sonomi had replied by her cousin's
55 bedside. 'I can't do that. I can't hold back my tears. Not for you. I
56 need you, Nadeshiko-chan.. I can't pretend that I don't.' She knew
57 now that Fujitaka had promised Nadeshiko that he wouldn't cry for
58 her, but Sonomi hadn't been able to fulfill that wish of her cousin.
59 Her heart belonged solely to the dark haired beauty, and it suffered
60 terribly without her. They were tears of sorrow that she would never
61 again see her beautiful cousin, tears of resentment over the man who
62 had stolen her most precious Nadeshiko, and tears of regret for
63 having missed out on so much of Nadeshiko's life by fleeing after her
64 marriage.
65
66 "Nadeshiko-chan, I miss you." Sonomi felt a painful sadness well up
67 in her heart. "I miss you," she repeated. Her eyes, the same stormy
68 blue as the skies above, welled up with tears. In all of her
69 memories, Nadeshiko smiled radiently, giving off a warmth that was
70 hotter than the sun to those who were blessed to know her. Sonomi
71 longed to see that smile once more, to see her beautiful cousin
72 before her. But she was all alone, unable to catch even a glimpse of
73 her heart's desire. Her head rested against the cold stone as tears
74 fell silently to the earth below her. Sometimes it was so hard to
75 keep going without Nadeshiko. Everything could feel so futile without
76 her cheerful cousin by her side. She had languished in this painful
77 half existence ever since Nadeshiko's marriage stole the dark haired
78 woman away from her. What was life if your one True Love was ripped
79 from your grasp? Sonomi's only consolation was her sweet and loving
80 daughter. Tomoyo was like a little piece of Nadeshiko left behind.
81 She was cheerful and thoughtful and always terribly kind. She was
82 Sonomi's one treasure that managed to soothe her heart. But now,
83 Tomoyo was far away and Sonomi was left to deal with her anguish alone.
84
85 "She missed you, too," a man's voice said softly from behind the
86 woman collapsed against the tombstone. Fujitaka stepped back,
87 allowing Sonomi some room as the business woman stood up quickly and
88 composed herself. Her tears were briskly wiped away, the only sign
89 that she had been crying the tell tale red in her eyes. Her look of
90 sorrow was also replaced swiftly with one of hateful frustration. The
91 man smiled in return, setting down his own flowers in front of
92 Nadeshiko's grave. That only served to strengthen Sonomi's ire.
93
94 "What are you doing here?" she demanded, covering her earlier
95 despair with the anger that was quickly rising up through her. It was
96 with some relief that she turned form sorrow to anger. THis was
97 something she could focus on, that she could vent out. Her pain never
98 lessened it's hold on her heart, but her anger allowed her some
99 measure of release. And this man was always the perfect target
100 because she, quite simply, hated him. He had stolen everything from
101 her. Her dearest Nadeshiko had been plucked right from her grasp. And
102 after Sonomi had promised to protect her sweet cousin from such
103 insects. He had even managed to outrace her, the only one ever to do
104 so, as if he needed to slap her in the face after tearing out her
105 heart.
106
107 Fujitaka smiled pleasantly, as if greeting an old friend. "It's
108 Nadeshiko's birthday. I wanted to give her some flowers." He nodded
109 towards Sonomi's previously placed bouquet. "But it seems that I
110 couldn't hope to outdo your offering, Sonomi-san." He knelt down,
111 setting his own own flowers next to Sonomi's. "I'm sure she'll love
112 those. You always did know what she liked."
113 Standing back up, he watched Sonomi through his glasses for a long
114 moment.
115
116 Sonomi met his gaze fiercely, glaring at her former teacher. This
117 man had taken away that which she loved most dearly and dared to act
118 as if they were simply old acquaintances? Why did he always do that?
119 Didn't he have any human decency in him to just leave her alone? Why
120 did he insist on hurting her continually, his very presence a dark
121 reminder of the loss of Nadeshiko? "Kinomoto-sensei." She nodded
122 towards him and turned towards her limousine. She didn't need this
123 right now. She would cry the way back home and then would spend the
124 rest of the night in her daughter's company, the two getting a chance
125 to escape the pain that love had caused the both of them.
126
127 "Sonomi-san, do you have to leave so soon? She really did miss you.
128 I'm certain that she still does," he said cryptically, watching her
129 back.
130
131 Tensing up at his words, Sonomi sprung on her heel like a cat,
132 watching Fujitaka smile jovially at her. Today was the day that she
133 was supposed to pay her respects to her beloved, that she could just
134 stay by her side, but he had taken even that from her. She was in too
135 much of an emotional hurricane to think clearly, let alone to deal
136 with him. "What are you talking about? I have to get home to my
137 daughter. She needs me." A light shower of rain began to fall, slowly
138 carressing Sonomi's face and pelting agaisnt her clothes.
139
140 "And so does Nadeshiko," Fujitaka replied.Raindrops spattered
141 against his glasses, but he took no notice, his eyes still on his
142 deceased wife's cousin.
143
144 Clenching her fists, Sonomi felt her anger well up so quickly that
145 it burnt her inside. "Don't you dare tell me about Nadeshiko-chan!!
146 You stole her from me! You took away the most precious thing in my
147 life! I don't care what you have to say! You always give me that
148 damned patronizing smile, as if you don't care about any of the pain
149 you've caused or that others suffer through. Why can't you just be
150 happy with what you took from me? Why can't you leave me alone..?"
151 Her voice broke at last, tears rolling down her cheeks as her anger
152 finally gave way to pure sorrow and hopelessness. She was forever
153 lost, never to be blessed with the love that graced her heart. Never
154 to have or to hold her beautiful cousin. And it was all because of
155 one man.
156
157 The taller man watched Sonomi for a long time, unsure of what to
158 say. In all the time that he had known Sonomi, he had never once seen
159 her like this. She had always been like a brave and noble samurai,
160 always ready to do battle with him. But now, she looked so weak and
161 fragile, her steel will caving in on itself. He did feel the pain,
162 even if she didn't see it. He didn't allow it to show through. He had
163 promised Nadeshiko. He had loved her and had agreed to her wishes.
164 But Sonomi wasn't one to hide her emotions behind a never changing
165 smile, to lock up the pain deep inside the heart and never letting it
166 go. No, they had both dealt with their grief in entirely different
167 ways. Sonomi by busying herself with her work and by fueling her
168 anger towards him. And he dealt with it as if it wasn't there, behind
169 a frozen smile and an endlessly pleasant demeanor. In some ways, he
170 envied Sonomi. She let her emotions through and rode with them, so
171 much like his own daughter, Sakura. She experienced all of her
172 emotions to their fullest. At the same time, he pitied her. He, at
173 least, had his memories of his marriage to Nadeshiko and their time
174 spent together. Sonomi had been robbed of even that simple pleasure.
175 So he understood why she hated him so, although he couldn't imagine
176 simply not marrying Nadeshiko. That would have been like denying his
177 very existence.
178
179 Sonomi felt a hand on her shoulder and immediately shrugged it away.
180 "Leave me alone," she said weakly, trying to pull up any form of
181 strength to get away. But there was nothing there for her to use. She
182 felt so... empty.
183
184 "She missed you," Fujitaka repeated. "She kept searching for you in
185 the last few years of her life. And she was always talking about you.
186 'Sonomi-chan always loved to cook for me'. 'Sonomi-chan and I always
187 did this together'. 'Sonomi-chan was always there for me. I wonder
188 what she's doing right now'." He paused smiling a little to himself
189 as he looked at the tombstone. His wife's body may be under their
190 feet, but she was not. He wouldn't be surprised if she was watching
191 them at that very moment. "You and I both know that Nadeshiko wasn't
192 one to regret much. It wasn't her nature. She lived life to it's
193 fullest and treasured every moment of it. And I think we both loved
194 that about her. But you were one of her only regrets. Possibly the
195 only regret she ever carried. The two of you were practically
196 inseperable until we got married. You'll never know how much that
197 hurt her. It took her forever to understand why you left." He sighed,
198 pulling off his glasses. His own heart was clenching at the memories,
199 but it was nice to try not to hide it for once. "She wanted to raise
200 Sakura-chan like you. That's why she always had such short hair. And
201 why I got her involved in athletics. Because Nadeshiko wanted her to
202 grow up to be like her strong and gorgeous cousin, Sonomi. I tried my
203 best to comply with her wishes." A soft laugh escaped him as he
204 watched Sonomi, whose stormy blue eyes were staring into his own with
205 a profound intensity. Sonomi still hated him, but he could see that
206 they were curious, listening. "I think she turned out quite a bit
207 like you. Even if she isn't quite as perceptive."
208
209 Sonomi felt a lump form in her throat as she tried to swallow. Her
210 tears continued to cascade down her cheeks, mixing with the
211 raindrops. "She... Nadeshiko-chan wanted Sakura-chan to be like me?"
212 she whispered. She had raised her own daughter to be like Nadeshiko,
213 a way of expressing her longing for her far away cousin. Nadeshiko
214 had done the same with her own daughter? "Nadeshiko-chan..."she
215 whimpered, closing her eyes.
216
217 "She needed to see you again when she found out she was dying,"
218 Fujitaka continued, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "She said that
219 she had to see you again before she died. I don't think she was
220 worried at all about her own death, but the prospect of dying before
221 she could talk to you again frightened her immensely. So I searched
222 everywhere I could, any way I could, to find you before time ran out.
223 The letter you got was from her, but I was the one to seek you out
224 for her. She had to see you one last time. I was almost afraid that
225 you wouldn't make it on time. But I always knew that you were the
226 most reliable person I could think of. And you made it. You should
227 have seen the smile on her face when I told her you had called in
228 from your hotel room." His hand went to his eyes as tears of his own
229 began to blur his vision. "I'd never seen her so happy. It was as if
230 a huge burden that had been on her shoulders for our entire marriage
231 had been lifted." He looked up, swallowing painfully. "Sonomi-san,
232 you meant quite a bit to her. So please don't feel lonely. I know
233 she's keeping an eye on you."
234
235 "Nadeshiko-chan..." Sonomi sobbed above Nadeshiko's grave, her face
236 in her hands. The rain had by now thoroughly soaked her dress, but
237 she could hardly care about such trivial things. Her mind was lost on
238 those lovely syllables, Nadeshiko. She had always felt so alone,
239 always wondering how much she had meant to her innocent cousin. Had
240 she been so happily married that the split between them meant nothing
241 to her? Was Nadeshiko watching from up above, a beautiful angel that
242 kept watch over her family? Or did she also give her divine attention
243 to Sonomi as well? Now it seemed that Sonomi had her answer. So she
244 cried her heart out, her own lonely tears joining the storm of tears
245 from up above.