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[svn r3] moved all the bad stuff to 'old'
author rlm
date Fri, 19 Feb 2010 20:53:12 -0500
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1 Afterwards
2 Immo
3 immo@hamena.org
4
5 Author's comments: Okay, I know the title sucks ass. Don't blame me.
6 It was either that, or
7 'Josie and the Pussycats' cuz that was the cd I've been listening to
8 repetitively. Buy the cd
9 everybody! Oh, by the way, I love Eliza Dushku. She's the girl that
10 plays Faith in Buffy the
11 Vampire Slayer, Missy in Bring It On!, Annabel in Soul Survivors,
12 Danielle (Dan the Man) in
13 The New Guy (Watch it for the bathing suit scene!) and a whole list
14 that I won't bother, cuz
15 I'm too busy worshipping her. :P Its late. Um, its a Noir fic with
16 femslashy/yuri/shoujo-ai/
17 girl-girl love/angsty thing. Cool. I think girlgirl love is cute. So
18 shut up.
19
20 COMMENTS, COMPLIMENTS, REVIEWS, COMPLAINTS, FLAMES (please, no?),
21 ARE WELCOME (cept for the
22 flames). Please. I'm doing an analysis on Oedipus. Leave my psycotic
23 psychoticness alone (but
24 all C&Cs and Rs are welcome!) and read the fic.
25
26 ~-~-~
27
28 It might've been better if I had died that night. I don't know, but
29 sometimes I think
30 it would've been so much better if Mireille had killed me as soon as
31 I approached her. Then
32 she wouldn't be going through this.
33 "I don't regret a thing." Mireille and that beautiful smile.
34 What a lie that was. When she thought I was asleep, she would cry,
35 and I would just
36 lay there and listen to her, because there was nothing I could do.
37 There was nothing I
38 wouldn't do for her, but really, there was nothing I could do.
39 It was stupid of both of us to think that love would conquer all.
40 Shallow breaths and
41 passion-filled nights don't erase the blood on our hands. Especially
42 not mine. I haven't even
43 made penance for my crimes against her.
44 She would never admit to regret, not my Mireille. She was strong,
45 and I was so proud
46 of her, so drawn to her and her curious ways. Sometimes, I feel like
47 I have nothing inside me
48 and she would fill me with herself, her light, her face, her being.
49 Lately, I've been unresponsive, I've withdrawn into myself, and she
50 worries. I don't
51 want her to worry, but its so hard not to think about these things.
52 Does her family haunt her at night, screaming for revenge?
53 Why does she continue like this?
54 And I watch her, sometimes, when she's not looking and try to see
55 those ghosts that
56 surround her. I know she has one, or some, because I do too. How
57 does it feel to have a
58 Chloe, eternally poking you with a dessert fork?
59 Just thinking about her sometimes, in an ethereal form, grinning
60 delightfully, makes
61 me smile too. But I dread it everytime I see the phantom glare at me
62 accusingly.
63 Love can't win all the time, just as hate can't win all the time
64 either. Altena, dear
65 mother, forgive me. For I have sinned.
66 Love can't erase the trainings of Noir. I was brought up, knowing
67 nothing else except
68 Noir. How could I abandon it?
69 Noir was two...
70 How could Mireille abandon her family?
71 The breeze was warm, a perfect summer day, sitting in an outdoor cafe.
72 Five to twelve. Would she be late?
73 When arms wrapped around me from behind in a tight hug, I knew that
74 was a stupid
75 question. Stupid, stupid. Of course she wouldn't be late.
76 "Good afternoon,"
77 It was amazing how, just the touch of her lips brushing against my
78 ear, the slight
79 growl in her voice, could set me on fire. She brandished a rose,
80 brushing it deftly across my
81 lips, and I found myself blushing when I saw an elderly couple
82 watching us in amusement.
83 "Mireille..." I leaned my head back, and she kissed me on the lips
84 tenderly, before
85 moving to her seat opposite me. How could anyone be so beautiful?
86 How could anyone be so damned beautiful, yet so dangerous? My eyes
87 trained on her
88 hands.
89 "Kirika, there's a show at the Paris Opera House." Two tickets
90 appeared in her hands.
91 "Lets go watch."
92 "What are we watching?"
93 Merielle shrugged, grinning. "Does it matter?"
94
95 And when we sat in those plush red seats, and I leaned back,
96 watching the opera, it
97 didn't really matter. The music, the whole of the opera, was
98 beautiful.
99 "Have you heard of Le Fantôme de l'opéra?" Her words whispered into
100 my ear. I
101 shivered, as a hand brushed teasingly against my thigh.
102 "Phantom of the Opera? Isn't that a musical?" I responded in a
103 breathless tone,
104 Mireille's hair tickling my forehead, as the blonde nipped at the my
105 neck.
106 'Mireille...'
107 "Mireille," I was ashamed of the lust that was so evident in my
108 voice. And even when
109 I tried to squirm away from her, I returned those kisses. "We're in
110 public..."
111 "In public, in private, in our own box number five." Mireille
112 chuckled when I let out
113 a loud gasp. "Only le fantôme de l'opéra will see us. Now... kiss me."
114 It didn't really matter which opera we were watching, because as the
115 orchestra played
116 on, I was just thankful it muffled the sounds we were making.
117 Mireille could be quite the
118 risk-taker when she felt like it, and as I lay against her chest,
119 listening to her heart
120 slowing back to normal pace, I wonder how much I've changed her.
121 We ran down the steps, past the other opera-goers, and giggled and
122 apologized when we
123 bumped into people, no amount of sour looks or complaints could kill
124 our mood. We were
125 together, alive, and well.
126 Wandering the streets, we kissed, chased each other, watched the
127 lamplights flicker
128 on and off for a while, then watched the dark waters below us, on a
129 bridge.
130 I had buried whatever normal life I had in those dark waters. Maybe
131 I should go and
132 buy myself a new sketchbook... but was that really necessary when I
133 know that simple drawings
134 on paper could not give me nearly as much life as Mireille did?
135 Strange how to people could meet under such strange circumstances,
136 yes, that was us.
137 Stranger still how one could love the murderer of your family, how
138 you could fall in love
139 with the person who said they would kill you.
140 Heh.
141 It was funny.
142 That feeling. That word. Love.
143
144 *-*-*
145
146 We had finally gotten past that last hurdle.
147 Didn't know it was so hard for both of us to just show that we cared
148 for each other.
149 We could take out a small army by ourselves, and still, those three
150 little words defeat us. I
151 don't know what we're so afraid of, but neither of us could utter
152 it, even a month after our
153 run-in with Soldats, when everything fell to a close at the Manor.
154 But was it really the end?
155 That haunted expression in Kirika's eyes... it was still there.
156 And Soldats still lurked around the corner. I could feel them. Smell
157 them, maybe. A
158 scent of old parchment, and fine red wine that intoxicated and made
159 me feel sluggish and
160 dangerously drunk.
161 "Mireille?"
162 I moved away from the window. I thought I had... no. It couldn't
163 have been. I thought
164 I had glimpsed the shine of the noonday sun off the cold steel of a
165 gun. But that wasn't
166 possible.
167 I kept telling myself that, again and again, over and over.
168 'It wasn't possible, it wasn't possible, it wasn't possible, it's
169 very possible, you
170 two embarassed their whole organization, the two of you managed to
171 single-handedly cripple
172 Soldats and off some of their most important and powerful members,
173 you know the identity of
174 the roots of Soldats, old men who sat in seats of power...'
175 "Is something on your mind?"
176 Our eyes met, and I fought an internal struggle. Should I tell
177 Kirika about my
178 worries? Or should I keep it to myself, keep this paranoia buried
179 deep inside me and not
180 scratch at a wound that was still fresh and red. Irritable if you
181 touch it. Infections, and
182 pus caking around the edges of the cut.
183 "Nothing."
184 "Here," Kirika got up from her seat and walked behind me, hands
185 sliding across my
186 tense shoulders, thumbs and fingers caressed the bare flesh of my
187 back, slipping underneath
188 my shirt to run dry heat across the my back.
189 "Kirika," I couldn't help it, and arched my back, giving in to the
190 smaller girl's
191 ministrations.
192 "That feels nice..."
193 Lips trailed across the back of my neck.
194 "THAT, feels even nicer," I purred. Kirika's mouth turned up into a
195 small pink smile.
196 "That's exactly what I want to hear."
197
198 Later on in the early evening, I still had that feeling. We had
199 decided to eat at a
200 small diner we both loved, and it was easy to pick out the sore
201 thumb amongst the regular
202 patrons.
203 "That one." I was sure. So sure.
204 Kirika's eyes darted to the side, unnoticably, and she continued her
205 meal. "I see."
206 "That's why I've been acting all jumpy." pause. "Soldats."
207 Kirika's hand tightened around the fork, she placed the utensil
208 down, and reached for
209 the stem of her wineglass, almost downing all the contents in one
210 gulp.
211 "No." Her voice was harsh.
212 "I'm certain--"
213 "No." Kirika said a bit louder now. "No. No more. Its not, Mireille.
214 We leave them
215 alone, they leave us alone. Please."
216 I looked at the dark-eyed girl, saw a sort of anxiety in her.
217 "I want to believe, I want to, Mireille. That they've left us alone.
218 We have nothing
219 to do with them, they have nothing to do with us." Kirika reached
220 out to place her hand on
221 top of mine. "Please. I *need* to."
222 I could feel that rough spot on her finger, her trigger finger. Over
223 time, if one
224 pulls the trigger of a gun too much, one develops a callous on the
225 spot. Like if a person
226 writes too much. If one stops doing whatever it is that developed
227 the callous in the first
228 place, it will fade. But it takes some time.
229 So I closed myself off to the newness in the environment, and
230 ordered a strawberry
231 shortcake for myself, and Kirika ordered a chocolate cheesecake,
232 that she only managed to
233 finish half of.
234 "Lets go home."
235 The bill was paid, and we went back to our apartment. The man had
236 also paid his bill
237 and was following us. But both Kirika and I ignored it. Or at least,
238 I tried to. The
239 comforting weight of my handgun in my purse was... of little
240 comfort, as he followed us up
241 the steps to our apartment... and stopped one floor before ours. I
242 heard the jangle of his
243 keys as he let himself into his apartment.
244 I breathed out a sigh of relief. Overreating to the smallest thing,
245 that's probably
246 what Kirika was thinking right now as she unlocks the door to our
247 apartment.
248 The plant was outlined by the low-hanging moon, almost as if it
249 perched on the
250 windowsill. Kirika went to take a shower first, and I went and made
251 some tea, the ritual had
252 been set for us. I boiled the water and spooned tea leaves into the
253 teapot. Then, I went and
254 set the table for two. Usually, Kirika would be helping me... but
255 tonight there was tension.
256 I nursed my cup of tea, enjoying the herbal scent, when Kirika came
257 out of the bathroom.
258 Steam raced out between her legs, she was in her bathrobe, hair
259 hanging wet and loose, towel
260 draped over her arm.
261 "Your turn." Kirika sat on the bed, and used the towel to slowly,
262 meticulously, dry
263 her hair.
264 "The tea. It'll get cold."
265 And there was that glare, I had seen that same glare when I had gone
266 to 'rescue'
267 Kirika from the kind mother. That glare that recognized me, but
268 wished me a slow, painful,
269 torturous death.
270 "I'm sorry." She returned to normal, regret written clearly on her
271 face.
272 "No, its..." I was going to say it was my fault. But it wasn't. So
273 it would have been
274 a lie. It was awkward, just standing there, so I escaped to the
275 washroom, and hid underneath
276 the spray of the shower.
277 When I came back out, Kirika was already in bed, her cup of tea
278 finished. And my tea
279 was already cold, so I just went back into the bathroom, wiped off
280 the foggy mirror, and
281 blow-dried my hair.
282 Slipping under the covers, I turned so my back faced Kirika's.
283 'So. This is a lover's quarrel.' Even though, outwardly I was
284 relaxed, everything was
285 a bundle of quivering nerves, and that delightful mixture of hurt
286 and fear pricked my brain.
287 A feather-light touch, and Kirika drew me into her arms, breath
288 ruffling my hair.
289 "I'm sorry."
290 "I'm not mad at you."
291 A soft chuckle that tickled my back.
292 "Yes you are."
293 Turning in Kirika's hold, our noses touching, breath smelling of
294 minty freshness from
295 the toothpaste, I smiled at her.
296 "No." Lips touched in a kiss. "I'm not."
297
298 *-*-*
299
300 Merielle woke up. It was a dreary day, one of those rainy days that
301 left everybody
302 restless. Kirika was one of those people. The sheets bunched up
303 around her legs, and the
304 blonde kicked them off irritably.
305 "Kirika?" She called out, knowing full well that she wasn't going to
306 get a reply. The
307 girl had probably run down to one of her favorite breakfast places.
308 And sure enough, when
309 Mireille went to find her, she was sitting at their table, breakfast
310 already ordered.
311 "I ordered for two."
312 Mireille nodded, and thanked the waitress when she came back with
313 their breakfast and
314 the newspaper. Since they didn't accept contracts anymore and had
315 'retired' from the assasin
316 business, Mireille had found the time to read the newspaper. Most of
317 the time, she scoured
318 the headlines, wondering, searching for something which never
319 appeared.
320 "Your omelette is getting cold."
321 Mirielle put down the paper.
322 "I was wondering..." Kirika started. Mireille paused, and the russet-
323 haired girl
324 continued. "I was wondering if, maybe, you think visiting Canada...
325 wouldn't it be nice? I
326 mean, there's the Niagara Falls. I heard there's always snow there,
327 so maybe catch some
328 skiing?"
329 Mireille nodded, putting fork and knife down. "A vacation?"
330 "Yes."
331 The blonde smiled, a sparkle of interest in her eyes. "You know not
332 all parts of
333 Canada have snow this time of year, right?"
334 Kirika blushed. "Of course. You're teasing me."
335 "I wouldn't dare!" Mireille laughed, and cut out a small corner of
336 her omelette. She
337 never used to eat breakfast.
338 "We'll have so much fun!" That child-like glee, that Mireille
339 mirrored. Both had been
340 deprived of most of their childhood, and now they relived it with
341 each other. Plans were laid
342 down, each detail was examined, equipment, money, everything was
343 accounted for on sheets of
344 napkin that the owner of the establishment gladly provided his
345 customers with. It was like a
346 grand adventure for them.
347 Travelling to a place that didn't involve shooting at, being shot
348 at, or other such
349 things that lead to an unnaturally short life.
350 "Be right back. Washroom."
351 She walked through the door, and immediately froze.
352 "You couldn't escape us, you know that."
353 Kirika's mouth opened and closed, no words coming out, the coldness
354 of the blade,
355 pressed against her throat made her eyes water.
356 "I killed you."
357 "Well, obviously, you didn't do a good job, did you." The figure
358 murmurred
359 humorously. "You weren't as sloppy when you killed that man in the
360 floor below yours."
361 "How did you know...?"
362 "Merielle was right. I was watching her. But that man was innocent,
363 you know."
364 Her mouth went dry.
365 "No. You're dead."
366 "You're repeating yourself."
367 "No, no. I KILLED you." Kirika insisted. "You're DEAD."
368 "But I'm alive."
369 "I could kill you again."
370 "I'll come back." Was the malicious reply. "And I won't be as nice."
371 Kirika quavered at the tone of voice, reduced to a child again.
372 "But... I did kill
373 you."
374 "Fine." The person sighed, and lowered the blade. "This is a
375 horrible nightmare that
376 you'll never ever wake up from, Kirika. It could be a dream. Here."
377 The person handed her a gun, cold to the touch. Her gun. She knew
378 her gun. Eyes rose
379 to search the person's face, and they smiled reassuringly. "It's a
380 nightmare. It doesn't make
381 any sense. And you know, only when you've finished what you started
382 in this horrible dream,
383 when you were just a little girl, will this end. Am I not right?"
384 "...It was beginning to be a very good dream."
385 "It was." The person nodded sagely. "For you it was. But you know
386 what they say, 'All
387 good things must come to an end'."
388 "Yes. Altena." Arms wrapped around her and a kiss brushed her
389 forehead.
390 "You have things to do, Kirika."
391 It was a horrible nightmare. She couldn't control her limbs,
392 couldn't stop herself as
393 she checked the gun mechanically, then stalked out the door. The
394 owner was nowhere in sight,
395 and the light that filtered through the rain-splattered glass made
396 everything have a horrible
397 sickening feel to it. It was a nightmare. Just a nightmare.
398 She walked up behind Mireille, and the blonde didn't turn around,
399 still bent over
400 those plans to Canada, talking aloud.
401 "Plane tickets, we could go get them tomorrow... actually, we could
402 leave right away!
403 There's nothing holding us back here anymore!" Mireille still didn't
404 turn around, as she
405 laughed. "Of course, we'll have to worry about the non-existant
406 snow..."
407 If this was all just a horrible nightmare... then if she woke up,
408 Mireille wouldn't
409 be real, right? So. It had to end like this. Everything would end.
410 Or would a new nightmare
411 just begin? She really did like this dream.
412 "Mireille?" Kirika relished how her tongue wrapped around the
413 syllables of the
414 blonde's name.
415 "Yes?" And Kirika loved how Mireille answered her.
416 She still didn't look back. She really should. Or maybe she
417 shouldn't. Kirika didn't
418 have control... not the control she wanted. She could feel HER
419 watching...
420 "Hey... you know I... you know." That caught Kirika off-guard. "I
421 can't say it. But
422 maybe I'll say it some day, Kirika. I don't know. It seems like
423 everytime I say those three
424 little words to anyone, they end up dead."
425 Laughter. Mireille's laughter, and Kirika's, who sounded near
426 hysterical. She cocked
427 her gun, and she could see Mireille's shoulders freeze at the sound,
428 gasp at the feel of the
429 barrel against the back of her head.
430 "Seems like you and I are the same." Kirika didn't know why, but
431 tears were running
432 down her face. "We just can't seem to keep the people we love."
433
434 ~-~-~
435
436 OOC: SO late at night, gonna do Oedipus homework and that sucks
437 crap. My class is so funny.
438 We have one of those class-clown kids as Oedipus, and a Guyanese
439 girl who always kisses her
440 teeth at and give attitude to people playing Tiresias, the blind
441 soothsayer. So funny.
442 guy:...You have no power or truth. You are blind, your ears and mind
443 as well as your eyes.
444 (The guy adds a 'haha!' at the end)
445 girl: You are a pitiful figure. These reproaches you fling at me,
446 all these people will fling
447 them at you--and before very long. (Add a lot of kissing teeth,
448 attitude at the 'flinging'
449 parts, and eye-rolling. So it'll look like this:)
450 girl: You (