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[svn r3] moved all the bad stuff to 'old'
author rlm
date Fri, 19 Feb 2010 20:53:12 -0500
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1
2 Hi everyone! ^-^ I wrote this in less than an hour over my frustration at all of the
3 ‘S+S’ and Tomoyo/Eriol fics out there. Poor Tomoyo-chan. ;_; She can’t be
4 with who she loves so she’s paired off with Eriol just because they’re both
5 eccentric. *sighs* Anyway, I’m way too overly emotional about the whole
6 Sakura & Tomoyo thing, and I was in kind of a weird mood anyway, so that’s
7 where this story comes from. ^-^ I hope you like it!
8
9
10 Love Lies Bleeding
11 By the Amazoness Duo
12
13
14 As I lie bleeding to death on the cold ground, my last thoughts
15 automatically travel back to Sakura. Her beautiful face, her sparkling emerald
16 green eyes, her friendly smile. I could always tell how she was feeling, even if
17 she didn’t know herself sometimes. I could see it in her eyes. Those eyes told
18 me everything. They filled me with strength, bolstered my love for her. But they
19 hurt me in ways she’ll never know. I love her so much, yet… His incessant
20 agonizing breaths are breaking my concentration. “Li-kun, if you’re going to
21 die, then could you please be a little quieter? I’m having a hard time
22 remembering what I got Sakura-chan for her twelfth birthday and her exact
23 reaction.”
24
25 He seems to consider my request before moaning louder. How
26 inconsiderate. I asked nicely. And wouldn’t he want to think about her in his last
27 moments as well? “This is all your fault...” he says after a moment, glaring
28 pointedly at me. At least, I assume he is. I can’t really see him very well from
29 where I am and my vision’s starting to go dark. I can almost see her in the
30 darkness, as if she’s waiting for me. Oh, Sakura-chan... You’re always so sweet.
31 I’m so lucky to have... I cut off again as he reiterates how much this is my fault.
32
33 “I hope Sakura-chan wouldn’t see it that way,” I say simply. Why does
34 it matter what he thinks so long as she knows? “I hope she knows my video
35 collection is willed to her.” All of my worldly possessions are willed to her, so
36 she’d be getting everything anyway. I’m just trying to keep his mind off of
37 things long enough so we can both die in peace.
38
39 Unfortunately, that seems to be the wrong thing to say. “That’s what
40 started all of this. I never would have noticed the way you look at her if it
41 weren’t for all of those videos you take. Can’t you let her be happy on her
42 own?”
43
44 I blink back my surprise, or try to, anyway. “What? How I look at her?
45 I look at her with love because that’s what courses through my heart when I see
46 her. And of course I want Sakura to be happy. I just know how to make her
47 happy better than she does. So sometimes she needs a little extra push in the
48 right direction.” I smile fondly at so many memories before realizing that
49 smiling hurts far more than it’s worth.
50
51 I can hear him trying to drag himself up. If he’s in half as much pain as
52 I am, he can’t do it. Nope. It sounds like he clattered back to the ground again.
53 “If you think you know so well, why the hell didn’t you get with her?” he
54 growls. Though I tried so hard to get him with Sakura, I really wish he didn’t
55 have such a temper. You’d think he’d be happy after sacrificing my happiness
56 for her.
57
58 “You’re starting to make me wish I did. Then you and Sakura-chan
59 could still be friends and I could be at home videotaping her right now.” I don’t
60 mention _what_ I’d be videotaping exactly. Probably her eating dinner. Or
61 maybe out back practicing her magic. Or maybe just her sleeping cutely. That
62 would be so sweet. Some of my favorite footage is while she's... Apparently I’m
63 not allowed to get sidetracked in my thoughts of her because he picked up where
64 he left off again.
65
66 “I didn’t say you couldn’t be friends. I said I never wanted you to see
67 her again,” Li-kun corrects me. Which is more or less what started this. You see,
68 one of the things that made Li-kun so good at protecting Sakura also made him
69 dangerous to all those around her. He never did learn how to work out his
70 jealousy problems. He tried to burn Sakura’s big brother alive once. Over
71 Tsukishiro-san if I remember right. I should have known that that would
72 eventually turn towards me. I’m closer to Sakura than anyone else he knows,
73 and in some ways I’m closer to her than he is. That doesn’t stop me from
74 wishing I could be in his place, though. That I could be the one she loves.
75
76 But back to the point, we’re here because Li-kun finally noticed that
77 I’m insanely, horribly, and absolutely in love with Sakura-chan. That my heart
78 never wavers and my eyes never wander despite the fact that she’s not even
79 mine. That didn’t go over very well with him, though, and he confronted me
80 about my feelings for her on the way home while Sakura was out shopping with
81 Chiharu. He had been too busy arguing and shaking me while I was calmly
82 trying to explain that Sakura is the light of the entire universe before we got
83 struck by a passing motorist. The man must have been in quite a hurry because
84 he didn’t bother to stop and check if we were alright.
85
86 “But Li-kun, that’s practically the same thing. And I can’t very well
87 videotape your wedding and first through fifth children if I can’t be around her.”
88 Silly boy. So I can’t be away from her. And Sakura will have five children. I’ve
89 already come up with all of their names. Now how will she know what to name
90 them or what to wear to her eventual wedding? Or even who to marry? I can’t
91 leave her yet. She still needs me. Not that I have any reason to live without her,
92 but I can’t make her sad. I won’t let myself. But it seems like I don’t have much
93 of a choice. The pain inside seems to intensify and the darkness covers more of
94 my vision. I don’t feel angry so much as... a great sense of loss. How can I be
95 taken from her like this? Is this some divine retribution for trying to kill myself a
96 few weeks ago? Mother stopped me and she has me in therapy now, so there’s
97 no reason to have me die in the street like this. I won’t try again unless Sakura-
98 chan doesn’t need me anymore. It makes enough sense to me.
99
100 “Besides, aren’t you in love with Eriol?” he asks after a slight pause in
101 our lovely conversation. Hadn’t Sakura asked me that before? I think everyone
102 was trying to mentally pair me off with them sense I had no true love interest
103 that they could see. And because I stalked Sakura. It’s much easier for them if
104 they think I’m in love with someone else.
105
106 “Eccentricity does not mark the trappings of love.”
107
108 “What?”
109
110 “No, I’m not. And I don’t see how anyone could think I did. He and I
111 barely even talked when he was here. Sakura-chan is far more captivating than
112 anyone else I’ve ever met,” I explain. How could I ever not love her? She has
113 been the single most important aspect of my life from the day I met her till the
114 day I die. Which will most likely be today. So in that case, for all eternity. I’ll
115 always love her, even if I can’t be there for her.
116
117 “Yeah, but you’re both...”
118
119 “Messed up?” I supply.
120
121 “Yeah.”
122
123 We sit in awkward silence for a long moment, pain gripping my
124 shattered body. Silken dark gray hair lies pooled on the floor, a stark reminder of
125 the blood under me. I think my legs are broken and definitely some ribs. I’m
126 having a hard time breathing. Little droplets of red mixes in with the darkness
127 randomly as blood drips into my eyes. But none of this compares to the pain in
128 my heart at the thought of being torn away from her so violently. Not so much
129 for my own sake because I have nothing left to live for, but for hers. I know that
130 this will hurt Sakura dearly. She needs someone to help her through this, but Li-
131 kun and I will both be gone. Poor Sakura-chan will be all alone. I can’t bear the
132 thought of her pretty face streaked with tears.
133
134 “Why didn’t you just tell her? You could have snagged her from me
135 during those years I was gone.” His voice sounds defeated, pained.
136
137 “Because I wanted her to be happy. When I was little, I used to think I
138 could do that. But after you showed up and then Eriol started testing her, I
139 wasn’t so sure anymore. I couldn’t protect her. I couldn’t give her a child. She
140 might not even be able to love me.” My voice breaks at the last of it. That fear
141 has ridden along in my heart nearly as long as I’ve known her. It’s safer to love
142 her from afar, to watch from somewhere else. “You seemed to make her happy
143 and you obviously loved her almost as much as I did.” Which is a lie. He’d
144 shown the same affection to Yukito. He seemed just fine transferring his
145 feelings to Sakura. But I was starting to get desperate to play matchmaker for
146 her lest someone else get in the way. “I thought you were the best possible
147 candidate for Sakura’s love and I wanted to do all I could to make her happy.”
148 That is the truth. That’s what I’ve wanted ever since she first smiled at me in
149 class all those years ago. I knew then as I know now that I would do anything,
150 _anything_ to make her happy.
151
152 Another odd silence answers me as he lies there. “I would have.
153 Sometimes things were tough and she always ran to you with her problems.” He
154 sounds a bit resentful of that. Is that what this is really all about? He was
155 worried that I was more important to Sakura? I almost laugh, hurting myself
156 more in the process. The taste of blood is almost sickening now. I could only
157 wish I was as important to her as he was. “But I would have made her happy.”
158
159 “I believe you, Li-kun. There’s no doubt in my mind. That’s why I
160 wanted you to be with her. She deserves to be happy.” Nothing but the sound of
161 birds greets our ears for the longest time as we both wait to die. Does it usually
162 take this long? My only condolences are that I’ll be able to speak with whatever
163 wondrous being created the beauty that is Sakura and that hopefully they will let
164 me watch her as I never have been able to before. Touya did used to speak of
165 seeing his mother. Maybe I could come back and watch over Sakura, even if she
166 couldn’t see me. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting her. “Li-kun, I
167 promise if I make it out of this alive that I will make Sakura-chan happy.”
168
169 He doesn’t seem to know how to reply, but I can only guess that he’s
170 happy with my proclamation. I am, of course, wrong. “What? What makes you
171 think you’re going to live? If either of us lives, it’s going to be me. Why would a
172 fragile little rich girl survive that?”
173
174 “Well, I’m only stating it as a ‘just in case’. So you’ll know she’ll be in
175 good hands in case I survive and you don’t. Besides, I already know that’s what
176 you’d do in the event that I die.” My resolve is much stronger than it’s ever
177 been. I’ll take care of her as best I can. I’ll love her like no one else ever could. I
178 will make her happy. I wish I had this type of strength back when my life
179 expectancy was higher. It might have come in more useful.
180
181 “Yeah, but that’s because she’s my girlfriend.” I wait for him to
182 continue, but apparently that was explanation enough. I shrug it off.
183
184 It sure is dark. I feel like I’m falling asleep. “I wonder what Sakura-
185 chan’s doing right now.”