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[svn r3] moved all the bad stuff to 'old'
author rlm
date Fri, 19 Feb 2010 20:53:12 -0500
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1:dbe144217c71 2:fc00894c1d4a
1
2 I Live in You
3 by Ides of Diamonds
4 ides_of_diamonds@hotmail.com
5
6
7 Note from Ides: Hello everyone! Ha, and you thought you got rid of me! Well, I’m back, and with more shojo-ai fluff than ever before!
8 Tomoyo: *smiles* First off, Ides-chan doesn’t own Cardcaptor Sakura. Now, this fic isn’t as fluffy as the last one, It’s a Magical Night. However, it still has a yuri pairing, so if you don’t like it or agree with it, don’t flame.
9 Ides: And if you decide to ignore this warning, at least leave a damn e-mail address. Don’t be a wimp and put your name as S+S RULEZ!!!!!!! and a message that reads UR A RETARD EVERYONE KNOWS THAT SYAROAN AND SAKURA BELONG TOGETHER, SICKO!!!!!!!!! because that just annoys me.
10 Tomoyo: It’s a sign of cowardice. Hmmm¼cowardice¼
11 Ides: What about it?
12 Tomoyo: Nothing, I just think it’s fun to say.
13 *Ides sweat drops*
14 There had been so many chances for me to call her. So many days that came and went, each with twenty-four hours, each with enough time for me to send her an e-mail. But I never did. I had always been too busy.
15 And now she’s dead.
16 I’m sitting here, staring at the tombstone, one that shall sit here for all eternity in memory of my best friend Daidouji Tomoyo. But I will never be truly satisfied because the grave is empty. Tomoyo-chan went out on her yacht one night. She never came back.
17 That was a month ago.
18 Even though I suppose there is a chance that she’s still alive, I doubt she is. It’s too farfetched; how and where could she have survived for a month? Of course, who knows, she could have just run away all together. Officials say she’s dead though, and it’s not like arguing with them is going to bring Tomoyo-chan back.
19 It’s drizzling right now. The sky is gray and morbid, and I sigh. Everyone thought Tomoyo-chan was a little strange and, yeah, I guess she was a little eccentric sometimes, but she was still my best friend. She told me she did her best work on days like this. I didn’t think that was strange at all, while Rika-chan and Chiharu-chan didn’t understand. Nioko-chan kept quiet, but there was an understanding smile tugging at the corner of her lips.
20 Nioko-chan will grow up to be a writer, I know she will. Chiharu-chan will probably marry Takashi and Rika-chan will marry that older man she’s in love with. Everyone expects Syaoran and I to get married, so I’ll probably cave into that too and do it. All three of them will live happily, while I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be happy again. Not while Tomoyo-chan’s only future is at the bottom of the ocean. I’ll only be married to Li Syaoran, whom I’m sure would have only asked me because he, too, thought that’s what we’d end up doing.
21 Everyone says our names sound so cute together. Sakura and Syaoran. Syaoran and Sakura. The klutzy one and the intense one. I’ll never be able to love him like that, never enough to marry¼we’re so¼different.
22 If I told anyone that, they would look incredulous. Everyone thinks we’re in love! Meiling would probably be thrilled to hear I don’t feel for him that way. Tomoyo-chan would understand though¼of course she would, she is - sorry - was my best friend.
23 I think about my last statement, and change it again. Tomoyo-chan still is my best friend. Even in death she is.
24 There were just so many chances I had to speak to her. So many chances that I didn’t take. I thought I loved Syaoran then, so I was always with him. She didn’t seem to object to any of it. I know if I was the one being ignored I would have been screaming my lungs out.
25 It took her death for me to figure out that I truly don’t love Syaoran that way. After all, I was never really in love before him (Yukito-san was just an air-headed crush) so it’s not like I knew what it felt like. But now, every time I see Tomoyo-chan in an old photo or in one of her videos, I began to notice her. How beautiful she was, how much she cared about everyone else, her creativity, her smooth hands, her intelligent eyes, her heavenly voice, her soft and pink lips¼
26 I shake my head hard. I need to get those thoughts out of my head. The fact that I’m in love with my now deceased best friend will only serve me more depression. Thinking how I didn’t know or say anything about it when she was around.
27 She always used to complement me. "Oh Sakura-chan, that outfit looks great on you!" "Sakura-chan, did you do your hair differently? It looks wonderful." "The video turned out perfect, Sakura-chan, you’re so photogenic!" "Sakura-chan¼you’re just so cute!"
28 I smile a little through my tears. I’m just so cute¼and yet so stupid.
29 The rain is falling a little bit harder now. I’m gradually getting soaked, but the promise of dying from pneumonia has a perk; at least I’ll be with Tomoyo-chan.
30 I wipe a droplet of moisture from her tombstone. I don’t want anything upsetting it. I want Tomoyo-chan to have a peaceful sleep, even though she’s at the bottom of the ocean instead of in her grave.
31 It’s pouring now. I can’t see through my tears and the sheets of rain. Thunder is stirring in the sky, rumbling like Yukito-san’s belly whenever he’s hungry. Thinking of Yukito-san reminds me of the crush I had on him, which reminds me of how much I really love Tomoyo-chan now. How she’ll never be able to know.
32 I can’t hold them in anymore. I begin to sob uncontrollably, so hard I have trouble breathing. I scream her name over and over again, but I know she’ll never hear me. She’s dead.
33 Suddenly, I can’t feel the rain on my head anymore. I open my tear-filled eyes and turn around.
34 There she stands with her beautiful smile on her face, holding an umbrella over my head.
35 "T-Tomoyo-chan?!" I whisper.
36 She nods once, and her smile is brighter than any sun.
37 Slowly, I stand up. I stare into her violet eyes with wonder. It’s impossible¼
38 I touch her cheek with my hand. It’s soft and dry. She’s not a ghost, that’s for sure.
39 Tears are pouring down my cheeks as I stare at her in a daze. She can’t be alive¼can she?
40 "How¼?" I manage to get out, my hand dropping down to my side.
41 "I was pulled out by the current," she replied softly. "I crashed into port at Hong Kong after days of drifting. I was half-dead. The people that found me nursed me back to health, but they wouldn’t let me write home to say I was all right. I had to work to pay for my ticket back to Japan. But here I am."
42 I swallow an impossibly large lump in my throat. My entire body is shaking. I reach up to touch her cheek again. I gently caress it, my tears pouring faster and faster from my eyes as I realize I’m not dreaming. It’s real.
43 Her smile fades and her cheeks color. Gently, she places her hand on top of mine and holds it to her cheek.
44 After a moment of what seems to be an internal struggle going on inside of her, she says softly, seriously, "When I was in Hong Kong, I didn’t understand what anyone was saying. I don’t know a thing about Chinese, after all. People would get angry and scream at me if I did something wrong; I was terrified. At the rate I was going, I didn’t think I would ever be able to get home. I didn’t think I would every see the people I loved ever again."
45 She sucked a deep breath in and continued in a voice barely above a whisper, "I don’t want to ruin things between you and Li-kun, but¼"
46 I tilt my head to the side slightly. What’s she getting to?
47 She looks deep into my eyes. Her violet pools look a little scared, pretty serious, and very unsure.
48 "I love you, Kinomoto Sakura-chan," whispers Tomoyo-chan. "I’ve loved you from the moment I met you. I’m sorry if I’m ruining things, but I just wanted to tell you out of fear of never getting another chance."
49 My heart is pounding in my chest and I’m having trouble breathing. She loves me¼I never saw it¼I really am stupid!
50 But I’m the luckiest, stupidest person in the world right now.
51 I throw my arms around her neck, breaking down into joyful sobs. She’s so stunned she drops the umbrella.
52 "Sakura-chan?!" she cries. "What’s the matter?"
53 I pulled away from her so I can see her shocked face. I’m smiling and smiling and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop.
54 "Tomoyo-chan, I’m so sorry I never saw that you loved me and I’m so sorry that I didn’t find out about my own feelings until I thought it was too late," I begin with excitement. "Syaoran was just a crush¼I don’t feel for him as strongly as everyone thinks I do, and I don’t think he’s any different. You’re who I really want, Tomoyo-chan¼I love you too!"
55 Her face morphs into three different things over a course of ten seconds. First, she’s stunned. Then, she’s surprised. Finally, she looks as though she just got what she always wished for.
56 "Sakura-chan¼" she smiles, her own tears forming in her eyes.
57 I lean in close, not knowing exactly what I’m doing. I’ve kissed Syaoran before, but is kissing another girl different from kissing a boy?
58 My lips touch hers softly. She places her left hand behind my head and pushes me into her mouth. I love it. I wrap my arms around her shoulders while she wraps her right arm around my waist. Then, ever so slowly, I feel her tongue running against my lips. It’s as if she read my mind, because I was just about to do the same.
59 I open my mouth and at once she enters. She tastes so sweet¼I can’t put my finger on what it is, but it’s greater than Heaven.
60 We don’t notice the rain pounding down on our heads, or the loud cracks of thunder. All I notice is Tomoyo’s lips against mine, her tongue probing against mine, and her love for me equal to my love for her.
61 And all I notice is all that matters to me.
62 * * *
63 Sakura awoke, soaking wet, on the damp grass. Her emerald eyes slowly opened, and rose up to see the tombstone before her.
64 Daidouji Tomoyo
65 1988-2001
66 Such talent can only truly be appreciated in Heaven
67 It took the girl a moment to realize what had happened. That all she had done was fall asleep and dream that Tomoyo had returned to her, in the flesh, saying that she loved her, a kissed her so tenderly.
68 Tears welled up in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks, "T-Tomoyo-chan¼you’re really gone this time¼"
69 "Sakura-chan."
70 Her head snapped up and she saw not Tomoyo this time, but her angel. Just like Tomoyo, but shimmering with pink and gold, in a long, flowing white dress and shimmering silver wings. On her face she wore a radiant smile.
71 Sakura sat there in awe, her tears still falling, but she didn’t notice them.
72 "Sakura-chan," Tomoyo’s angel said softly. "I always loved you and I still do. I always will. I won’t die so long as you keep my memory alive inside of your heart."
73 "Tomoyo-chan," Sakura sobbed. "I’m so sorry I didn’t realize how I felt¼not until it was too late. I never got the chance to tell you¼"
74 "I know how you feel for me, and I’m happy you do. I will always be here for you, my Sakura-chan. I love you."
75 The angel’s smile lit up the dreariness of the cemetery. Sakura swallowed the lump in her throat long enough to choke out the words she had spoken only once before, in her dream.
76 "I love you too."
77 Tomoyo’s angel, still smiling, began to float up to the sky. Sakura leapt to her feet.
78 "Tomoyo-chan, wait!" she cried, tears streaming down her cheeks like rivers. "Don’t leave me!"
79 "I’ll never leave you," the angel replied. "I’ll always be with you, protecting you and loving you, my Sakura-chan. I live in you¼"
80 Then, she disappeared, and Sakura was alone. She didn’t feel alone though, not anymore, for she knew that what Tomoyo, her love, had said was true.
81 I live in you¼