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1 Title: The Different Path
2 Author: Matthias Engel aka MysticMew
3 Feedback: Solarsenshi@gmx.de
4 Status: Alpha
5 Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)
6 Rating: PG(-13) (Nothing serious, really)
7 Category: Romance, Darkish and Drama (at the beginning)
8 Pairing: Sakura/Tomoyo
9 Timeline: Hard to pinpoint, begins years after the manga and then...
10 well, you'll see.
11 Summary: When you realize your feelings too late, there is nothing you
12 can do. No force in existence can undo what is fixed in time... Or is
13 there?
14 Distribution: MSD (www.catstrio.de), Shoujo Ai.com (www.shoujoai.com),
15 ff.net (www.fanfiction.net), Mediaminer (www.mediaminer.org), others
16 may follow. If you like this fic for your story, please tell me, I'm
17 not likely to put stones in your way, but I like to know where it
18 goes.
19 Legal Disclaimer: This story features two females romantically
20 involved. If that is illegal where you are or entirely not your thing,
21 turn around and leave now.
22 Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura belongs to CLAMP and assorted
23 companies, I claim no right on the characters and original storyline.
24 Story Disclaimer: The Different Path(c)2003 by Matthias Engel
25
26 ******************************
27
28 Foreword
29
30 Hi, there. And another new fandom for me. :) It has taken me awhile to
31 get around and finally get into CCS. I am not sure myself anymore why
32 I never was interested in it before since I do love CLAMP's work (a
33 big Rayearth fan after all). But now I finally did read the manga (at
34 least a fan-translated version) and I think I am rather addicted now.
35 ;)
36 This story follows the plot of the manga. I have only seen the first
37 six episodes of the anime so far (local, German dub) and quite frankly
38 I tend to stick to the original most of the time anyway with facts.
39 Often anime leaves out so many important things. This is important
40 because there is a card in this story that I know exists in the anime
41 but not in the manga. Try to forget what you know about the additional
42 cards in the anime, it won't be the same.
43 Bear with me, I finished the manga recently and have read a couple of
44 CCS fics. Compared to my knowledge about other anime/manga, I am still
45 trying to get a clear grasp on the characters, their feelings and
46 thoughts (an aspect rather important to my style of writing), so it
47 might seem a little rough here and there. I hope you still like it.
48 This has been produced in more or less one day... if I count together
49 the hours. I began Friday morning and finished it later today,
50 Saturday. It's hard to give a clear writing time as I tend to do with
51 my other rare short stories since it hasn't been done in one session -
52 so I won't.
53 This might become part of a series. MIGHT.
54 Now enough with the intro notes. Enjoy!
55
56 ******************************
57
58 The Different Path
59 Based on the works of CLAMP
60 Story Concept by Matthias Engel
61
62 ******************************
63
64 A lone raven was steadily crowing, the sharp, barking sounds almost
65 like a fierce protector, a fierce protector of what lay beyond the
66 metal fence on which he was perched atop. His eyes were gleaming -
67 malevolent one might say - eying the trio in its guarded sanctuary
68 with wary eyes. It probably thought no less of us than the usual
69 disturbances that had taken a hold of not only this lonely place of
70 eternal rest but the entire world... and probably much more. That was
71 most likely of little interest to the raven as it sat, guarding, alone
72 but never lonely, the spirits always a detached company...
73 I met the ruby eyes of the raven and held his gaze for a couple
74 of seconds, satisfied only when the small creature nodded sharply
75 once, emitting a low screech, turning away once again to look out for
76 more... intruders. I smiled but the smile lacked emotion, bitter and
77 twisted, barely even a ghost of what it had once been anymore. Where
78 was no purpose for that smile anymore. For what would you smile if
79 there was nothing left?
80 I glanced up into the midnight sky and the angry black and
81 crimson-tainted clouds overshadowing every light. It had been this way
82 for a long time now. And ever since a few days ago, that was all the
83 world would ever see. Walking silently past the rows and rows of
84 stones, marking the resting places of those that left this world
85 already, I could not deny the thought that maybe those that already
86 left before everything started were better off. They had left in
87 relative peace, most of them probably content with their time spent
88 here. I knew that sounded rather harsh but it didn't feel particular
89 illogical.
90 I never quite liked graveyards. I think in my youth it was a mix
91 of the silent longing for my mother whenever we visited her grave and
92 the very atmosphere itself. Oniichan had forever sealed my fear of
93 ghosts in place. Now, years later, I still felt a tiny shudder albeit
94 knowing now that ghosts were not something you had to worry about -
95 there were far more dangerous and scarier things out there. Now,
96 leaving behind the neatly arranged rows of graves - the flowers
97 everywhere already starting to wither and die from the lack of
98 sunlight these days - I decided that I hated graveyards even more. I
99 guess I never was someone who liked to say goodbye and this place had
100 taken too much from me to feel even neutral about it.
101 I passed by my parents' graves, side by side, stopping for a
102 moment to pay my respect and make sure that Flower's magic was still
103 working. Continuing on I did the same with Touya's. Glancing to the
104 side my more or less monotone features softened into an expression of
105 compassion. Yue stood in silence, not moving, as if in prayer. Maybe
106 he was, I couldn't quite tell.
107 Quietly slipping past him I went to the end of the row, two
108 beautifully decorated tombstones were left, sustained by magic and
109 protect from the darkness engulfing the world, like a tiny spot of
110 light in an ocean of shadows...
111
112 Syaoran Li
113 1982 - 2001
114 Brave and courageous, he protected his loved ones until the end.
115
116 A spot of light that in the end wasn't much more than an echo,
117 just like the light of the distant stars that reached us was an echo
118 of a long time ago. You can see but you can't reach for it, because
119 the moment you do, you only realize it is long gone already.
120
121 Daidouji Tomoyo
122 1982 - 2001
123
124 A light in the darkness, always there, always giving. She was
125 our heart, taking the burdens we could not. Her rest shall be
126 peaceful, for if anyone, she deserves it most.
127 A tear slipped past my eyelids, down my cheeks, before dropping
128 to the ground at my feet unhindered. I thought I'd lost the ability to
129 cry long ago, the endless pool finally drained dry. Yet, it still
130 wasn't enough. The human heart was not made for that kind of torture,
131 especially not such a young one, I mused. I could feel it even now,
132 the soundless cry, like a crescendo bubbling to the surface to be
133 finally released without sound because sound was incapable of doing
134 the emotions inside justice.
135 For days I had cried myself to sleep afterwards, asking myself,
136 wondering where it had gone wrong, what we had done to deserve this.
137 Nothing, I suppose. We were all just pawns in the big game after all.
138 It was our fate. Everything would surely be alright... as long as it
139 was convenient.
140 I knelt down to trace the letters on the cold... dead... stone.
141 One after another. Every word bringing a new emotion, a new memory. I
142 let them wash over me. Years spend so innocently, without care,
143 without the knowledge that everything would eventually be gone, far
144 sooner than we could ever imagine. I had been so naïve back then. A
145 part of me didn't want to regret it, but another part was filled with
146 immeasurable guilt of the decisions I made so totally in disregard of
147 the effect they had for those around me. These last nights I had
148 contemplated, theorized what I could have done. But in the end, there
149 was no simple solution. Even if I had known back then, I would have
150 had to make a decision, people I cared about would still be hurt. It
151 would just have been... a different path.
152 A happier path?
153 I didn't know. Even though the situation called for it lately, I
154 never invoked the power to see the future. If I had known, I was sure,
155 it would have been far more brutal. Clow had known his own death and
156 could do nothing about it. Knowing the future was not the same as
157 standing above it, of being untouchable. You could know everything but
158 in the end, you also knew it would happen this way or another. And
159 knowing that and being unable to do anything about it had to hurt far
160 worse.
161 Losing Syaoran and Tomoyo had been the most painful thing that
162 ever happened to me. I was sure I would follow them soon enough, but
163 now a different option had presented itself and I clung to it with the
164 same fierce determination that had sparked me, driven me onwards in
165 capturing the Clow Cards as a child, the same determination that
166 fueled every remotely important task in my life. I thought I lost it
167 and maybe that was true in some sense. The feeling now was...
168 different. Tainted, desperate. It wasn't the kind of belief anymore
169 that everything would be alright because I wished it to be. This
170 feeling was far more... radical I suppose is the best way. I would
171 make everything alright, no matter the cost.
172 All that was left now was to make a choice. Then again, maybe it
173 wasn't as much a choice anymore as it had become a decision already. I
174 never thought I'd ever be forced to choose between them and ironically
175 I never had to until now. But now it was inevitable... as was the
176 decision I made.
177 Standing up, I fingered the tiny key chain and unclasped it from
178 around my neck. "I'm sorry, Kerberos, Yue," I said softly as I turned
179 away from the graves to face them. The two guardians looked at me
180 startled, not quite understanding. I expected as much. Yue seemed
181 impassive as he studied me, but he had turned away from Touya's grave
182 to face me, silently trying to perceive the nature of my words.
183 Kero-chan floated in place for a moment, obviously not quite sure how
184 to react. He was confused, that much I could tell. I was never any
185 good with reading emotions but I was sure he had to be wondering why I
186 would apologize.
187 Well, he would know soon.
188 The tiny key flared in my hands. I didn't bother to call its
189 power just yet. "Light, Dark," I said in a firmer voice, "come forth."
190 Two cards appeared in the air before me. One exploding into bright,
191 yet soft light and the other into dark, calming darkness, before both
192 formed tiny, sprite-like figures, female in nature - though I never
193 quite asked if they really HAD a gender.
194 The two souls of the cards knelt on one knee, heads bowed for a
195 moment before glancing up to regard me respectfully with a compassion
196 that always managed to warm my heart even in the darkest hour. They
197 were bound to my heart, I knew as much. From all the cards, Light and
198 Dark were closest to me. That is why I almost expected them to know
199 the reason of their summon.
200 "What do you wish of us, Mistress?" Light asked in a musical
201 tone that was comforting but sad at the same time. They knew what was
202 going on inside me, I was sure of that. They always seemed to know my
203 heart, probably better than I did myself. The turmoil in my heart and
204 soul seemed to be as evident to the two sprites as if it was the most
205 simple thing in the world. They never told me though, making sure that
206 I realized my own feelings rather than making the decisions for me.
207 That was for my best, I knew, but still I wished they would have
208 helped me realize one thing earlier. Maybe I could have at least
209 changed that tiny, yet so important aspect of our lives.
210 The graveyard was enveloped in silence, even the crow had
211 stopped its shrill voice filling the area in almost periodically
212 fashion.
213 "Take me to Time."
214 And the words shattered the silence like a thunderclap that had
215 split Earth itself apart. Agitated the lone graveyard's guardian began
216 crowing violently as if somehow completely understanding the impact of
217 these words. I could swear Yue almost tumbled backwards, his eyes
218 flashing in fearful understanding and... I didn't know, I was never
219 really good with emotions, after all.
220 Kero-chan on the other hand was ready to explode, a myriad of
221 emotion playing over his tiny face I didn't even try to categorize. He
222 opened his mouth to speak, probably a lecture already on his lips, but
223 closed it again at the desperately pleading look I send him. I could
224 see a silent war going on inside of him and it was showing outside as
225 well in the tremors shaking the tiny body.
226 "How do you know about...?" Yue trailed off, his voice with a
227 note of anguish. Surely this had to seem like a déjà vu to him. Just
228 like Clow, now me. The circumstances were different but in the end
229 he... they would lose me as they lost their previous master.
230 I had a dream last night. I hadn't had prophetic dreams in quite
231 some time, not even when the true horror begun. The dream hadn't been
232 really prophetic either, more like a revelation, the key to a door,
233 the last door, the final way out. A tempting way, wrought with more
234 perils and hardships as seemed to be worth the trouble. But there was
235 nothing left that would make it a risk. This WAS my last chance.
236 That is not what I said, I don't think the how really mattered
237 to them anyway. Instead I focused on the two sprites again, wishing
238 that I wouldn't have to explain my reasoning. I had never seen them as
239 startled and frightened before which left me to believe that they
240 hadn't exactly known my intent after all. But even though they didn't
241 know the intent, the reasoning behind it was not lost on them. And
242 while they denied me a lot of things they believed not to be in favor
243 of my happiness, there was not a sliver of resistance now, as they
244 spoke as one, "As you wish, Mistress."
245 I felt the power swirling around me. A beautiful twilight
246 wrapping me in a cocoon. Reality was being bend all around me as
247 ancient seals and powerful wards were unlocked by the duo's powers. It
248 was as my dream had told me. Alone I would have never been able to
249 break through, only Light and Dark held the key.
250 "Wait, let me go with you!" I heard Kero-chan shouting as the
251 world slowly faded out around me.
252 "I will go as well!" added Yue fiercely.
253 I smiled, sadness and joy mingling. They had been so loyal to
254 me. Especially Yue who had always seemed to regret choosing a new
255 master albeit caring a lot about me. They had always been by my side,
256 supporting me, no matter what. That was why I couldn't accept that
257 offer.
258 "I'm sorry, Kerberos, Yue. The consequences would be to dire for
259 anyone else to experience." I looked at them through the haze of now
260 multi-colored light and managed - for a tiny moment - to bring
261 conviction to the smile in my face as I wiped away a tear from my
262 face. "Don't worry," I almost whispered, "everything will surely be
263 alright."
264
265 ******************************
266
267 The shift was rather swift and I was surprised by how gentle the
268 method of transport had been. Somehow, from the importance indicated
269 by the heavy warding I had felt, I had expected a far rougher ride
270 than that. Opening my eyes I mused that one without magic sight or
271 senses would probably think they were still... in-between. But I could
272 tell we had long left the pathway to this ancient chamber where one of
273 the most powerful forces lay hidden, concealed, sealed so that it
274 could never be used by anyone or anything. The repercussions were far
275 too dangerous.
276 "Are you certain that is what you wish," asked Light, her voice
277 thick with emotion as she stared ahead into the swirl of colors that
278 seemed to be everywhere, making up every tiny inch of the chamber. I
279 could feel the edges but I couldn't quite perceive it.
280 "Even Clow deemed Time to dangerous to ever be used," Dark added
281 softly. "He couldn't destroy the card after creating it, so he sealed
282 it away." Dark turned to me and put a hand on my shoulder. Her eyes
283 were unusually thick with emotion. "Even if you are stronger than he
284 ever was, there is no guarantee your wish will be granted. Time will
285 choose whether to obey or not. You cannot force it."
286 I smiled ruefully. "If all that I've done so far was not enough
287 to prepare me for this moment, then I have no right to be your
288 Mistress." Closing my eyes, I held onto a single image from not long
289 ago, the one thing that motivated me to do this, that left me no
290 choice in the matter. "She's always believed in me," I said quietly.
291 "They all did. I will put this right. I HAVE TO put this right. If it
292 means sacrificing myself in the process, so be it."
293 I felt Dark pull away and opened my eyes to see her join Light a
294 few steps ahead. "Very well," her opposite said and I could swear I
295 saw a few tears glitter in her eyes. A small pang in my heart made me
296 shudder. They loved me so much. Not out of respect or fear of my power
297 as with Clow, but because I had always treated them as friends. They
298 felt my sadness, my anguish at the loss I experienced and even more
299 so... I knew without a doubt that they would support my decision
300 without hesitation. This would be my biggest challenge. But I wasn't
301 completely alone after all.
302 Suddenly the kaleidoscope of colors seemed to shift and then
303 parted, like a giant veil pulled back. My senses flared violently,
304 overloaded with the onslaught of reactions, the enormous power I felt
305 from the presence floating in midair before me was hard to actually
306 grasp. I could feel the magic radiating with a magnificence in which
307 even Light and Dark, even Kerberors and Yue, simply paled.
308 Firming my resolve I stepped forward, the key still clasped in
309 my right hand floated upwards over my outstretched palm. An almost
310 eerie calm began to settle in my heart and even when the sprite-like
311 figure above me turned a challenging gaze towards me, I only shortly
312 stilled to return the gaze. We both knew why I was here and we both
313 knew that I would not turn back now.
314 "Key," I started to chant the familiar phrase, my voice firm and
315 strong, "that hides the power of the stars! Reveal your true power to
316 me! I, Sakura, command you by contract! RELEASE!"
317 With a flare of power the key expanded, grew in size until it
318 became a staff longer than myself, a golden star rested on top of it.
319 I could feel the magic running through it. If there was one thing that
320 I had really gotten good at over the years, then it was mastering the
321 power inside of myself. Yet it had not been enough at the moment it
322 mattered. This time I would succeed though. I would not fail, I could
323 not fail. I had to succeed!
324 Time didn't bother asking questions or trying to scare me away.
325 I barely had time to erect a defense but felt it torn to pieces by
326 forces far beyond my comprehension. I staggered as my whole body was
327 assaulted by waves of temporal magic, threatening to literally tear me
328 apart. I sank to one knee, stunned, grasping tightly onto the staff.
329 It was hard to concentrate, hard to form a plan of attack. How could I
330 have been so foolish? I should have made a plan, I should have
331 anticipated that Time couldn't be beaten by willpower alone. Time was
332 a force nearly untouchable. What could the worldly elements at my
333 disposal do against it?
334 Memories began crashing into my mind, too many to count or pick
335 out a single one. Fond memories, sad memories, happy times, hard
336 times. One moment though stood out like a brightly-lit Tokyo Tower
337 over nighttime Tokyo. Tomoyo in my arms, dying. Syaoran was already
338 gone, protecting us heroically but at the end even that was in vain. I
339 hadn't had much time to grief for him but the memory still stung
340 painfully, yet the memory of Tomoyo was simply overwhelming because
341 too many emotions were caught up in it.
342 *I am glad to die in Sakura's arms...*
343 I hadn't been quite sure if I had really heard those words at
344 first because the shock was too big and my disbelief to great.
345 However, they had been there. And it had been that moment I
346 understood. It had been that moment I understood everything. The
347 realization had slammed into me like a bullet train at full speed and
348 it HURT. Kami-sama, it still hurt and would never stop hurting. My
349 mind had been weighed down and drowned by the feelings of shame and
350 guilt, the terrible injustice I had done my best friend. I had been
351 ignorant, even when I grew up, I never saw it.
352 Maybe I never wanted to see it. Tomoyo continued giving and
353 giving. I knew something was bothering her but she'd never let me
354 know, always brushed it aside. And what had I done? I had lived out my
355 fairytale - that Tomoyo had so carefully helped crafting - right in
356 front of her eyes. Whenever I had a problem with Syaoran I went to
357 her, not knowing what I did to her. Yes, she wanted me happy and
358 sincerely thought I was. I wasn't even disagreeing. I was happy. I
359 loved Syaoron. But was that fair to Tomoyo? Was it even necessary to
360 ask that question?
361 I could not give up! I had to make this right again!
362 The pressure began to dim and my eyes snapped open. All the
363 Sakura Cards were surrounding me in a circle, even Light and Dark had
364 joined them again. They were struggling to hold Time's power back and
365 I could feel their struggle but also their souls joining with mine,
366 fueling my determination as much as they shared my pain. Struggling to
367 stand again, I focused my will, staring up at Time who impassively
368 stared back, yet there was something... expectant.
369 *Time cannot be forced.*
370 Did that mean the card had to willingly choose to grant my
371 request? How was I supposed to do that? Was there some key? Some
372 particular aspect that needed to be met? Was it even worth pondering?
373 I had made my decision and I would go through with it. I was the
374 strongest mage in the world, I had to be able to do it!
375 "Everything will surely be alright."
376 That was my magic phrase. However, it had been Tomoyo who had
377 fueled it. It was ironic actually. Only now that she was gone, I
378 realized that it held little meaning without her here. How could
379 everything be alright with Tomoyo gone? That had been another of the
380 bittersweet realizations at that moment when I held her dying form in
381 my arms. I did love Syaroan, Tomoyo hadn't been wrong there. However,
382 she had made one crucial mistake. I did love her too. Not as a best
383 friend but more. I needed her to be there, support me whenever I
384 needed it. And I could always count on her to actually be there. Even
385 after the engagement was official and the wedding announced, she still
386 staid. Regardless of how it must have pained her.
387 Yet, while I loved Syaroan, there was simply no way he could
388 compare to Tomoyo. No, I didn't mean that I loved him less because I
389 certainly didn't. The feelings for the two of them were different and
390 couldn't just be compared. However, there was one thing that set them
391 apart. While I loved Syaroan and he loved me, he didn't need me.
392 Tomoyo did need me. And - as bitter as it sounded - I didn't need
393 Syaoran nearly as much as I needed Tomoyo. I never wanted to make a
394 choice between them, however, this simple and at the same time
395 astonishing realization made it all so much easier this morning, when
396 I made my decision after the dream. It was hard and I wished I
397 wouldn't have to, yet there was only that one path to take now.
398 The different path.
399 This would hurt people, it would hurt Syaoran and it hurt me
400 already to do this to him. However, there simply was no other
401 alternative. I could try to do it all again, preventing their deaths,
402 but that wasn't fair to them either. Especially not to Tomoyo. She
403 would continue to give and give, completely missing in her selfless
404 love the one possibility that her own happiness might have had a
405 chance to be fulfilled in the process.
406 A memory of Tomoyo with a look of utter faith in her eyes,
407 telling me that she knew I would always be there to save her, flashed
408 through my mind.
409 Rooting my wand firmly into the ground, I stood unyielding
410 against the magical storm of temporal energy around the circle of
411 cards. I didn't need words now. Without a single command uttered the
412 cards spread out. The non-element cards formed a wider outer circle.
413 Woody, Earthy, Fiery, Windy and Watery positioned themselves at the
414 edges of the outer ring, thin lines of magic binding them together in
415 a five-pointed star. Finally Light and Dark settled to my left and
416 right, completing the perfect circle.
417 A white flare of magic engulfed the circle and expanded, pushing
418 back against the enormous energies as I stared up at Time, trying to
419 focus all my feelings in one last action. I wouldn't need more. Just
420 this one thing. I had been so selfish already in my life, especially
421 compared to Tomoyo. This wasn't for me. This was for her. I needed to
422 set this right, to give back the happiness I had so carelessly taken
423 without ever asking for the price.
424 "RETURN TO YOUR ORIGINAL FORM..."
425 The star on the wand flared brighter than I've ever seen it do
426 before. Time had been always in motion ever since I laid my eyes on
427 it, flowing through shapes, positions, ages... Now it stilled for a
428 short moment, purple eyes gazing at me in now unconcealed expectation.
429 "And grant me this one wish," I whispered even though my voice
430 still echoed clear and loud in the surreal chamber.
431 "CLOW CARD!"
432 White and golden light mingled, turning into a thick pillar of
433 magical energy as I thrust my staff upwards, the wand touching the
434 sprite form of the card. I closed my eyes at the brightness of the
435 light and so I could only hear the whisper, like the wind rustling
436 through leaves or water gently flowing in a lake, yet as vivid and
437 passionate as an inferno of flames or as shattering as an earthquake.
438 "Granted."
439 And then everything fell into darkness.
440
441 ******************************
442
443 Gradually I became aware of sounds and other sensations around
444 me. My head was still spinning as if I was on a sugar overdose or
445 something. There was the soft, somewhat familiar ticking sound of a
446 clock and the light in the room was still rather dim, so it had to be
447 early morning, probably before dawn. I was sitting on the ground for
448 some reason and my body felt stiff, tired and something was really off
449 about it...
450 I blinked my eyes slowly, channeling a bit of magic to relieve
451 the fuzziness in my mind enough to get my bearings.
452 My room.
453 My old room.
454 I glanced down at myself, noticing an almost finished teddy in
455 my tiny hands.
456 Oh.
457 Well, I guess it worked. I was baffled though why exactly I
458 actually... remembered. My initial plan had been to move back to that
459 moment and act as something like a... guide for my younger self. Then
460 again, I have no idea how time travel really is supposed to work - and
461 there probably are not many people you can ask about it. Also, I knew
462 there would be consequences - this might be just one of them - and I
463 had learned that every Clow Card had had a different idea of how to
464 use their magic in their own special way.
465 It... worked.
466 The realization came a bit slowly. My mind still a little
467 detached as the reality sank in. A soft smile tugged at my lips.
468 It really did work!
469 Alright, maybe not exactly as I planned but... I had been given
470 a second chance.
471 "Sakura?"
472 I whipped my head around and saw Kero floating behind me a
473 little uncertainly. He must have sensed something was off, probably
474 the card's magic. As if on cue, there was a burst of light in front of
475 me, startling Kero and making me look back. It was the Clow Card that
476 fell out of midair into my waiting hands. Well, a Sakura Card now. The
477 design had changed. I hadn't even tried to transform it but judged by
478 the amount of magic I put into it...
479 "Sakura?" Kero floated over my shoulder, looked down at the card
480 and almost fainted.
481
482 ******************************
483
484 I'm not sure how long I stood there, letting my mind drift. I
485 had barely ever seen Tomoyo practice since choir and cheerleading
486 clubs usually crossed and also later in Junior High and High School I
487 never really seemed to manage. I decided that was a real shame and
488 from now on I would make it a habit whenever I could find the time.
489 Entering the music hall of our school I had stopped, nearly freezing
490 in the doorframe before remembering to close the door behind me in
491 order to not disturb the practice. I had come in right in the middle
492 of a slow, almost melancholic song and my eyes had sought out Tomoyo
493 like a moth drawn to the flame.
494 It had only been a couple of days in my old time that I lost her
495 and Syaoran but it felt like a small eternity. I had always known that
496 Tomoyo was flat out beautiful and thought it a shame that she didn't
497 seem to have many suitors or always kindly refused them - due to
498 reasons I was to blind to see. But God forgive me, she is gorgeous.
499 Even now as a child the sight was breathtaking and somewhat ethereal.
500 It didn't seem to be normal for such an angel to walk among us.
501 And her voice, her voice. I had always loved her singing.
502 Whether it was a slow, emotional song or something faster, more...
503 vivid, Tomoyo somehow managed to meet the expectations perfectly.
504 It was becoming a torture. I wanted to close my eyes and lose
505 myself in the music, in the sweet voice of my best friend... and now
506 suddenly so much more. Yet, I could not bring my eyes to leave her
507 form for a single moment. I wondered if my reaction was a little silly
508 but discarded the thought quickly. It had been living hell without
509 Syaoran and Tomoyo there the last days.
510 Speaking to Syaoran had been painful. At least I didn't have
511 trouble with getting to him at the last possible second this time.
512 What Kero-chan had told me a couple of years ago - relatively seen of
513 course - was proving to be true. The strength of one's magic was bound
514 to the spirit, the heart, and was fueled by the soul. The transition
515 into this younger body would probably only have the side effects that
516 my body would have to accustom to the strain of channeling the kind of
517 magic I had developed over the years.
518 Syaroan had been... understanding. Hurt... no, disappointed, but
519 still understanding. I'm not sure if he knew about Tomoyo's feelings
520 but considering how much everyone around me seemed to know such things
521 before I could even begin to suspect something was there, I thought it
522 a distant possibility. Saying "no" was still difficult to do because I
523 hated to lie, I didn't even really lie to him. All that I could say
524 was that I did love him but that there was someone else who I loved
525 equally and who needed me more. We had promised to stay in contact and
526 that was it. I would always treasure the memories of the future that I
527 left behind, the times spent together, but I had made my decision. I
528 had been living out most of my fairytale and I couldn't help but think
529 it selfish after the recent events and after realizing Tomoyo's
530 feelings. This time I vowed to be the selfless one.
531 Tomoyo had been so lost in singing that now, nearing the end of
532 the song, she almost stumbled over a note as her gaze briefly gazed
533 up. Her blue eyes briefly blinked in wonder - probably wondering why I
534 was here and not at the bus station, seeing Syaroan off. I held her
535 gaze until the final lyrics were sung. For once I could clearly read
536 Tomoyo. She was confused. Usually she always had been able to read me
537 like a book. However, now Tomoyo had virtually no idea what was going
538 on. I had to suppress a giggle.
539 The song ended and a pause was called, giving me the opportunity
540 I waited for. Waiting by the door, I followed Tomoyo's every step as
541 she slowly approached my position. I admit I was a little nervous,
542 tiny butterflies were doing flip flops in my stomach but I managed to
543 control my nervousness. This is why I had begun this after all. To set
544 things right. Time had granted me the opportunity, now it was up to me
545 to use it. But had I really interpreted all this right? What if I
546 ended up making a terrible mistake and once again totally understood
547 someone's feelings for what they were not? What if Tomoyo really just
548 loved me as a devoted friend? What if...?
549 Gah! Get a grip, girl!
550 I couldn't have been wrong. I never felt so completely sure
551 about something. Besides, even if for some weird reason I had
552 misjudged the other girl's feelings, I wasn't doing this out of pity.
553 I would NEVER do that to anyone. Tomoyo wouldn't want that and I
554 didn't think I could live a lie. This decision was based on the
555 newfound knowledge just as much as on my own jumbled feelings that had
556 finally began to make sense even to my usually dense mind. It had
557 taken losing Tomoyo but I did understand now and Tomoyo was here. So,
558 even if I had gotten her feelings wrong, I would love her nonetheless,
559 unconditionally. Even if I had to be a selfless, supporting friend.
560 Because that is what she had been to me all this time and she deserved
561 no less from me now.
562 Mind and heart set, I pushed away from the wall, to meet the
563 lavender-haired girl who still wore an expression of extreme
564 puzzlement. But now there was also worry and something else I couldn't
565 quite decipher.
566 "Sakura-chan?" Tomoyo asked tentatively, sounding as if she
567 wasn't sure if it was really me. Then it hit me. She wasn't sure. As I
568 said before Tomoyo always seemed to know me better than I did myself
569 and she must have noticed the change. Physically I might still have
570 been a ten-year old but mentally...
571 I met her eyes again, not bothering to try and hold back
572 anymore. A moment of silence followed, neither daring to broach the
573 subject. I was certain she knew that despite the difference I still
574 was Sakura, otherwise she would have said so already. Finally Tomoyo's
575 gaze turned worried again. "Did you see Li-kun? I tried to call you
576 but..."
577 "I did," I said simply.
578 Tomoyo smiled that sweet smile of hers that with what I knew now
579 left me wondering how much of it was fake and how much genuine. She
580 was still a kid but even at this age Tomoyo always had been mature far
581 beyond her years. "I'm glad. So, did you tell him your feelings?"
582 "I did," I answered again. Taking a deep breath I stepped a
583 little closer to the other girl, my hands still hid behind my back, so
584 that the young heiress couldn't see what I was holding. "And I do love
585 him." Tomoyo's smile faltered for a very, very tiny moment. I would
586 have never seen it if I hadn't known what to look for. I was certain
587 now. "But there's someone I love just as much and who needs me more
588 than he does."
589 Tomoyo tilted her head, again looking confused, there was a
590 glimmer of... hope in her eyes but it instantly vanished again. Well,
591 not for long, I would make sure of that. "Who's that?"
592 Ah, I didn't know that my friend could be so cute when she was
593 baffled about something. Probably because I had rarely ever seen her
594 like this. She almost never was surprised by anything. I smiled at
595 her, for the first time in days - maybe even weeks or months - a
596 radiant smile was brought to my lips and it was all directed at
597 Tomoyo. I could swear the other girl nearly fainted. "You see," I
598 continued, wishing nothing more than to plunge ahead and confess but
599 needing to clear this up, "if it comes down to it, it hurt knowing
600 that Syaoran-kun left but both of us eventually can live without the
601 other. Syaoran doesn't necessarily need me to give his life meaning
602 and neither do I need him for that. However," I fixed the girl in
603 front of me with an intent gaze, "I don't think I can live without
604 you. Can you?"
605 Tomoyo's voice was thick with emotion and I could see tears
606 glistering in her eyes, a rather rare thing but I was certain they
607 were more joyful than sad. "What... What do you mean?" she whispered
608 softly.
609 Finally bringing around my hands I held out the neatly-crafted
610 bear to her. My skills in sewing had improved a little and so I had
611 found it easier to finish it... not to mention I did it a lot faster,
612 leaving me enough time to talk to Syaroan and get here. Trying to
613 convey all the honesty and emotion that I had tried to understand for
614 so long and now finally did, I answered earnestly. "It means I decided
615 that I want you to be my special person, Tomoyo-chan."
616 For a long moment the other girl just stood there, stunned and
617 lost for words. When she finally reached out to take the bear from my
618 hands, her own hands were trembling and I felt myself almost drowning
619 in the swirl of blue eyes, moist with tears, resembling a whirlpool of
620 emotions. I have never seen such joy in my friend's eyes. Not once.
621 "Can... Can I name it Sakura?"
622 I smiled at her warmly. "No, you can't. I insist on it." And
623 with that I stepped forward, nearly crushing my new namesake as I
624 enveloped Tomoyo in a crushing embrace, full of all the love, the
625 intensity of how much I had missed her. It was a little awkward for me
626 at first since I was still trying to get used to being ten years again
627 but I quickly relaxed in the close contact, cherishing the relief and
628 the incredible joy crashing through me like a tidal wave.
629 "I love you, Tomoyo-chan," I whispered, my head buried in the
630 silky, lavender hair I had always adored and envied a little.
631 Tomoyo sniffled a few times before she managed to reply. "I love
632 you, too. Even if you are not exactly my Sakura-chan."
633 I smiled faintly and a bit rueful, pushing her away gently to
634 hold her on arm's length. Making sure she was looking at me, I softly
635 said, "I am your Sakura. A bit older than I should probably be, but
636 being here with you makes me happier than I have been in a long time.
637 Because of you, I can smile again. You are right, I am not totally the
638 innocent girl you knew anymore but one thing I will always be..."
639 Leaning forward I planted a feather-light peck on the lips of a
640 pleasantly surprised Tomoyo who looked like she was going to light the
641 entire building soon, judged by the bright glow of utter bliss in her
642 face. I knew more wouldn't seem quite right. We were still kids,
643 physically, after all. "I will always be yours, as long as you want to
644 have me and even if you don't."
645 This time it was Tomoyo who pulled me into a hug without meeting
646 much resistance. "I will always be yours as well. I never doubted you
647 were Sakura and in the end it doesn't matter that you are a little
648 different. I love everything about you, that never has been a
649 question. Younger or older, it doesn't matter."
650 We stood there, right next to the door, locked in a tight
651 embrace, not caring about the world around us or the stares of some of
652 the other students. It didn't matter right now. Our hearts were one
653 for this timeless moment, finally at peace and where they always
654 longed to be. Yes, my decision had been the right one after all. I
655 hadn't lied to Tomoyo either. I knew that with her by my side, I could
656 gain back some of the innocence and freedom of my youth and with time
657 the memories of the last days would dwindle to nothing more than a
658 long nightmare that faded away gradually after waking. There would be
659 consequences for my actions. I knew that much and Kero-chan had
660 reminded me again and again after he found out but I was sure with my
661 best... my girlfriend - another honest smile - by my side, together,
662 we could face it all. After all, WE had a magic phrase.
663 Everything will surely be alright.
664
665 THE END
666 (will possibly be continued)
667
668 Author's Notes
669
670 Well, that was fun. I seem to be getting better at short stories
671 lately. Again, as I said in the beginning, it might be a little rough.
672 A lot of my impression on the characters (especially Sakura since its
673 her POV) came from reading the manga once and from some fanfics. I am
674 still trying to build a clear picture of the charas in my mind.
675 I want to thank Heather (from Amazoness Duo) and G.P. again for their
676 wonderful story "Dear Sakura". That had been the first CCS fic I read
677 with almost the full knowledge of the manga in mind and I believe it
678 will always influences my opinion of the characters in a way. I
679 wouldn't say this was what prompted me to write this, but it helped
680 immensely.
681
682 Anyway, I am aware that there are a lot of open questions. Like, what
683 did happen in the original timeline? Or what are the consequences for
684 using/capturing Time? Why has it been sealed away in the first place?
685 I did leave all those unanswered. First of all it would have been too
686 much to fit into a short story and then... it leaves me opportunities
687 for sequels. :) *looks over shoulder* Maia (my muse) is probably
688 already planning... *sigh*
689
690 That's it then. Feedback is always appreciated. Email is in the header
691 (or probably linked anyway wherever you find this). I appreciate
692 constructive criticism, positive or negative, but will never refuse
693 simple feedback (like, "Liked the story").
694
695 Ja ne, yours
696
697 Matthias
698