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[svn r3] moved all the bad stuff to 'old'
author rlm
date Fri, 19 Feb 2010 20:53:12 -0500
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1 Dear Sakura
2 by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
3 amazonessduo@hotmail.com
4 pearsong1954@yahoo.com
5
6
7 Dear Tomoyo-chan,
8
9
10 Thank you for the beautiful letter. It means so much to me when you
11 write. I wanted to tell you about your letters. I guess that sounds
12 sort of silly, because you write them and know all about them. But
13 what I mean to say is, let me tell you why they are so special to me.
14 When I am expecting one, everyday I rush to the mailbox, or to the
15 little whicker basket where the servants deposit the mail, hoping it
16 has come. It was like this waiting for Syaoran-chan's letters all
17 those times he was away in Hong Kong. Except his letters were pretty
18 short now that I think about it, and were mainly special because he
19 wrote them. Anyhow, when I do see one of your letters I know it right
20 away. The envelopes are very distinctive, with a heavy paper and
21 creamy color. When I see one, my heart dances with joy, because I
22 know that your precious thoughts and feelings are sealed inside.
23 Sometimes I am so excited I read it there in the hallway, or outside
24 by the little black mailbox. But sometimes it is like Christmas Eve,
25 when it is more exciting to wait and unwrap the beautiful presents at
26 just the right time. So, sometimes I wait for a special moment when I
27 am alone and can read in silence. I read the last letter you wrote at
28 midnight, in the garden, by moonlight.
29
30 When I open the envelope I feel all excited, and sometimes have to
31 calm down before reading. Tomoyo-chan, your letters have a wonderful
32 scent, like lilacs. I am not sure if you use scented stationary, or
33 if it is just you. Sometimes if I close my eyes it is like having you
34 with me again, so close. Then I start to read. Your calligraphy is
35 exquisite. Your scriot always amazed me when we were going to school.
36 I was just happy to get the strokes right, but your writing flowed
37 like a shimmering river. But what you write to me is even lovelier
38 than the beautiful characters. When I am sad, you cheer me up, and
39 when I am confused about something, you help me understand. You know
40 and understand so much. All of my life you have been there to help me
41 along. When I thought about this, I realized your letters are just
42 like you. They are beautiful, and kind, and brimming with love.
43 Gomenesai, Tomoyo-chan. For all the years we were together, I don't
44 think I quite understood. About you, I mean. Because you were always
45 with me, and were so close, I don't think I understood how important
46 you are to me. Lately there is an odd, empty feeling I have, as if
47 something is missing from my body. Something I long for, something to
48 fill and complete me. I never felt this way before. Even all the
49 times Syaoran was gone, I missed him, but not like this. When I read
50 your letters, for a few golden moments I feel whole again. When you
51 were here for your visit, I was happier than I have been since
52 leaving home. Because you were with me.
53
54 Your letters are like little whispers from far away. When they come,
55 I listen with all my heart. They mean so very much to me. I keep them
56 in a little folder close to the bed, although your last letter is
57 under my pillow when I sleep. Sometimes I take them to school, and re-
58 read them during the day. Once my sensei-friend, Jun-sama, found me
59 reading them during lunch. She says she called my name several times
60 before I noticed her standing there. I bowed and apologized for my
61 rudeness, but she laughed and said it was charming that a married
62 woman was still receiving love letters. That made me blush terribly,
63 and she laughed even more when she found out the letter was from you.
64 We talked after that, and I told her how much I miss you. She said
65 that you probably miss me just as much, which was amazing because
66 I've never thought of it like that. She said friends and lovers are
67 both sad when they are separated. The difference is that friends can
68 gradually become used to distance, but that the hearts of lovers
69 always suffer when they are apart. I told her this seemed odd,
70 because it was the opposite with me. When Syaoran-chan was gone all
71 those years, I eventually got used to things. But I told her that
72 with you, my friend, it has gotten worse everyday. She looked sort of
73 sad and sighed when I said this. I told her it must have been very
74 difficult for her, losing her love the way she did. Jun-sama said her
75 heart has never healed, and never will. Tomoyo-chan, I felt so sad
76 for her because her love is gone from the world. I started to cry.
77 She hugged me, like a mother would to reassure a child. But she
78 didn't tell me everything would be all right, because she was crying,
79 too. And it won't ever be all right for her, because her love is dead.
80
81 Gomenesai, I'm crying again. I'm crying a lot lately, and I'm not
82 sure why. I feel awful for Jun-sama, and your Mother, and my Father.
83 Their hearts must be so lonely all the time. I feel like this because
84 you are gone, and we are best friends. How can they live when their
85 true love has left them forever? And I know I will see you again, and
86 soon I hope. But they will never be with the one they love. That's
87 why it makes me so sad when you wrote that you will never see your
88 special someone again. I am so very sorry I never knew how much pain
89 not being with your true love has brought you. Gomenesai, until that
90 night in the garden, I never knew. In my heart it feels like this is
91 all my fault. Maybe if I had understood, I could have helped. Why
92 didn’t I know when we were so close? I was so caught up in the Cards,
93 and Li-kun, and so many trivial things while my best friend needed
94 me. How could I have been so stupid? I was your best friend, and I
95 failed you.Gomenesai.Gomenesai, Tomoyo-chan.
96
97 It's morning now and I'm writing this on the bus to work. I couldn’t
98 write anymore last night. I was still sad when I woke up, but now
99 know what to do now. I can never make up for all the pain in your
100 heart. I am more sorry than I can say, yet all the apologies that can
101 be made won't fix things. But I will. I swear it. I am certain that
102 anyone would be blessed and honored by your love. I know I would!
103 Even if they are married, or with someone else, there has to be room
104 in their heart for your love. There has to be. It's just too horrible
105 if they don't know about you. If they never know of your love, it is
106 almost as if they were dead. Please don’t worry, Tomoyo-chan, because
107 everything will be all right. I cannot live and be happy if you are
108 sad.
109
110 Now, as for the rest of your wonderful letter. Thank you so much for
111 the beautiful photographs! Your Mother is right. You would make a
112 delightful model. I am looking at one of the pictures now, the one
113 where you are in the blue sundress, with your hand holding onto your
114 hat. It reminds me of our trip to the beach. I get very hanyaan when
115 I see you in this picture. It was so incredible to swim with you, to
116 hold you close in the warm water. Aiyaaa! Tomoyo-chan, sometimes I am
117 surprised at how I feel about you. It's funny, because we are both
118 girls and all, but when we kissed I was in another world, another
119 place that I wanted to be in forever. Just remembering the garden
120 makes me dizzy and faint and filled with joy. Oniichan said once that
121 a kiss is how two souls meet. He doesn't usually say such nice
122 things, but I think it is true. I never felt so close to you as that
123 night.
124
125 I hope no one sees me blushing like this on the bus. Thinking about
126 people seeing me blush is making it worse. But anyway, thank you
127 again for the pictures. Oh, and Fanren says thank you, too. She was
128 very excited to get the photographs. She really likes you. I also
129 love my Tomoyo-chan cooking video. I was going to make the recipe
130 yesterday afternoon, but I couldn't stop watching you. Tomoyo-chan is
131 like a pretty ballerina in the kitchen, so cute and fun to watch. I
132 will try and concentrate on the recipe this weekend.
133
134 Thank you for talking about Syoaran-chanand me. It really helps so
135 much. You are so perceptive, and it is always wonderful to be able to
136 talk about things. I have never been very good about understanding
137 people. So often they say one thing, and mean something else. So,
138 hearts are very mysterious to me. I thought I knew all about Syaoran-
139 chan, but I didn't. Oniichan says that you only begin to know someone
140 when you are living together. Sugoi, another thing Oniichan said that
141 isn't stupid! Anyway, I wonder sometimes if Syaoran is the same
142 person I married. When I told him this he just got more angry, and
143 said I was imagining things. But maybe it is true. He says things to
144 me now that he never did before. And he seems distant, somehow. I
145 know he loves me, and I still love him with all my heart, of course.
146 Well. Anyway, please do not think that you are the reason for certain
147 things between Syaoran and me lately. Tomoyo-chan, we don't see each
148 other a lot anyway, because he is so busy. Our being together cannot
149 have bothered him all that much. I really don't think our being
150 together was what upset him. I guess he has a lot on his mind with
151 work and all.
152
153 I do feel bad about Meiling-chan. I don't think she wants to see me,
154 or I would have talked to her before. Not long ago I asked Fanren-san
155 about it, and she said that Meiling-chan has always been quick to
156 anger and slow to forget. She said that Syaoran-chan and Meiling-chan
157 had been matched at birth as a most propitious couple by her
158 grandfather, who was a revered Master of the Chinese magic concerned
159 with beginnings and endings. I thought I should apologize to him, so
160 I visited his grave at the family cemetery. The cemeteries in Hong
161 Kong are even more crowded than those in Tokyo. Most of the graves
162 are very small, but his was large and quite elaborate, which is no
163 doubt a mark of great respect. I left flowers, and said prayers of
164 apology. But I did not feel good afterwards, and came down with quite
165 a cold. When Ieran-sama found out how I came to be sick, she said
166 this was what happens to those who meddle with angry ghosts. I was so
167 scared by what she said that it was hard to sleep that night. Do you
168 think I should try and talk to Meiling-chan?
169
170 Tomoyo-chan, I miss you so much. I wish I had back all the time we
171 were together, to live again knowing what I know now. I wonder if
172 things would different? I pray we can be together soon. It’s so hard
173 not to be with you.
174
175 Love,
176
177 Kinomoto Sakura
178
179 PS Please give my best wishes to your Mother. I have been thinking a
180 lot about her lately.
181
182
183
184
185
186 Dear Sakura-chan,
187 I hope this letter finds you well. I hope you are curled up with
188 your husband, happy and loved, content with the wonders that life has
189 bestowed upon you. My one wish for you is that you will spend the
190 rest of your days in endless joy. That your laugh will echo through
191 the Li home, that your smile will light up the lives of everyone who
192 is blessed with your presence. That you and your husband can forever
193 travel the moonlit seas of eternity. If I know that you are happy, it
194 will always bring a smile to my face. What would make me happiest
195 would be to know that my darling Sakura-chan is shining brightly. If
196 you could grant me a single wish, Sakura-chan, that is what I would
197 like the most. You don't need to find my True Love or even grant me
198 the boundless thrill of your presence. All I want is to know that you
199 will always be happy, that you will face this life with a beautiful
200 smile. If I know that, then I can smile as well. I'll forever watch
201 over your beautiful emerald eyes and you pretty smiling lips. And
202 that will be my greatest joy. I'm sure you will have a gorgeous life,
203 Sakura-chan. Your story isn't over yet. I want Sakura-chan to have
204 the happiest ending.
205 Sakura-chan, thank you so much for being my best friend for all of
206 these years. You befriended me when no one else would, showing me
207 from the start how kind and sweet you are. I will always love you for
208 that. You were always so cute and genki. Being around you always made
209 my days a little taste of the heavens. I will forever treasure the
210 beautiful gift of friendship that you have given me. You will never
211 know how much it meant to me. Having a best friend like you was
212 almost too much to bear at times. It was like a lovely dream that I
213 never wanted to wake up from. Just like the eraser you gave me my
214 first day of school, I'll keep your friendship in a little locked
215 box, this one deep inside my heart. It was the most precious gift
216 anyone has ever given me.
217 You were an amazing girl and you've grown up to be an even more
218 amazing woman. All of the videotape in the world couldn't catch every
219 bit of you. I can only settle for the slivers that I've managed to
220 capture on tape, beautiful moments suspended forever. Time has been
221 very generous to you, Sakura-chan. I'm glad that I've been able to
222 see its affect. But time also leaves many endings in it's wake. It's
223 not something to fear, though. With endings come new beginnings.
224 Those whose stories have ended can watch those whose stories are just
225 beginning. In time, I'm sure that you will have a beautiful child. I
226 can already see her. Very cute, and very energetic, just like her
227 mother. I know you'll make an excellent mother. You have so much love
228 in your heart. I know she will never be left wanting.
229 Sakura-chan, I'm very sorry, but I'll be going away soon. I don't
230 know where yet. I just think that there are things I should do with
231 my life now. I'll be leaving Tomoeda shortly, though I haven't
232 decided on a destination. Mother doesn't want me to leave, but I
233 think she understands that it's for the best. I want her to be happy,
234 too, but like you said about Jun-san, I'm not sure if she ever can be
235 without Nadeshiko-san. That has always broken my heart because I know
236 mother sees some of Nadeshiko-san in me and it must be painful for
237 her. She has been hurt quite a bit, but she has always moved forward.
238 She is a very strong woman. She really did think you were a wonderful
239 girl, Sakura-chan. She still does, I know it.
240 I'm sorry. I spilled some droplets of water on the paper again. I
241 must be getting clumsy these days. Sakura-chan, it's so hard to say
242 goodbye. I never understood how difficult it would be. Even when you
243 left for Hong Kong in the first place it wasn't this bad. I think
244 it's because I knew that you would still be there, in some small way.
245 That tiny hope flickered in my heart, shining in the darkest of
246 nights. But now, I don't have that lighting my path. But that's all
247 right. Because I'll always be with you. My heart will always look
248 back to yours. Thank you so much for being the best friend I could
249 ever have dreamed for. Thank you for letting me dress you up in
250 costumes and for letting me videotape you and for just letting me
251 stay by your side. Thank you for the beautiful memories you have
252 granted me. And thank you for the warmth in my heart that I would
253 never have found if I hadn't met you. Please remember that even if
254 I'm far away, even if you don't hear from me, I will always be right
255 by your side. You will never be far from my thoughts or my heart.
256 Goodbye, Sakura-chan. Please smile for me.
257
258 Your friend for all time,
259 Daidouji Tomoyo