Mercurial > moonlitnights
comparison old/stories/coldnight.txt @ 2:fc00894c1d4a moonlitnights
[svn r3] moved all the bad stuff to 'old'
| author | rlm |
|---|---|
| date | Fri, 19 Feb 2010 20:53:12 -0500 |
| parents | |
| children |
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| 1 | |
| 2 Even in the Cold Night | |
| 3 Tomoyo shortfic | |
| 4 by Meimi | |
| 5 ksainttail@aol.com | |
| 6 | |
| 7 --------- | |
| 8 | |
| 9 I shut the door to my room softly...I don't like being interrupted when I'm watching my | |
| 10 videos. | |
| 11 What videos, you ask? | |
| 12 If you know anything about me, that should be obvious. | |
| 13 But maybe you don't, so I'll just tell you. | |
| 14 They're not any kind of movie title you can buy in a store...though I watch as many of | |
| 15 those as the next girl. But these are much more special. These are things I treasure; I always | |
| 16 know I'll smile when the screen flickers to life out of the darkness... | |
| 17 Because they're of the person I love. | |
| 18 Hm? Who? Not a movie star, no. | |
| 19 Sorry. It's a secret. | |
| 20 Too much of a secret for even my own good...because even she doesn't know; doesn't | |
| 21 realize. | |
| 22 | |
| 23 --- | |
| 24 ne, does everyone become this lonely when they fall in love? | |
| 25 --- | |
| 26 | |
| 27 It's funny that way, isn't it? How I record her every movement on videotape...so I can | |
| 28 take it home with me, and relive every second I'm with her. I can push pause, and just watch her | |
| 29 smiling face...forever. A moment in her life is an eternity for me. And just with this, I'm | |
| 30 content. | |
| 31 So...isn't it funny, how while my eyes never leave her face...never wanting to waste a | |
| 32 second with her...and how I notice every detail... | |
| 33 And yet she never figures it out? | |
| 34 Un. I love her. | |
| 35 But she'll never know. | |
| 36 | |
| 37 -- | |
| 38 ne, even more than the black darkness, does deep pain embrace you? | |
| 39 -- | |
| 40 | |
| 41 A slight smile tugs at my lips as I toy with a strand of my hair...the hair grown out | |
| 42 long like my mother wanted... | |
| 43 My mother was in love too, once. Ever since she was young... | |
| 44 But her heart was slowly, slowly broken over the years. Slowly shattering as she sank into | |
| 45 jealousy. | |
| 46 She couldn't stand watching her loved one be happy with someone else. | |
| 47 | |
| 48 -- | |
| 49 all of it was only for our sake, so that we could shine, i'm certain | |
| 50 -- | |
| 51 | |
| 52 ...my mother's become bitter about it over the years. I look at her, seeing how she | |
| 53 hasn't moved on at all after Nadeshiko-san's death, and I can feel my heart aching. Each time I | |
| 54 notice that faraway look in her eyes...her gaze shifting to that chest where a bouquet is locked | |
| 55 away...the flowers dried and dead. | |
| 56 Like my mother. Those flowers...they're where my mother's life stopped, when she pushed | |
| 57 pause. | |
| 58 Ever since I can remember, I've grown up watching my mother thinking of "what-if"s over | |
| 59 all these years. She won't allow herself to forgive, to forget...and she still says angrily that | |
| 60 Nadeshiko-san was stolen away, still glares at Fujitaka-san with eyes like ice. | |
| 61 But she doesn't understand. Nadeshiko-san was happy, really happy because she fell in | |
| 62 love. | |
| 63 I love my mother so much. | |
| 64 But she was so selfish. | |
| 65 And somethimes, it makes me wonder, did she ever really, I mean *really*, love | |
| 66 Nadeshiko-san at all? | |
| 67 Because...when I see my loved one's face lighting up with joy...her emerald eyes | |
| 68 sparkling...a smile making everyone's day brighter... | |
| 69 | |
| 70 -- | |
| 71 you, i love you, i'm watching you in my heart | |
| 72 -- | |
| 73 | |
| 74 It makes my heart fill up with joy in those moments, and I'd do anything at all to keep | |
| 75 her smiling forever. | |
| 76 Even giving her up? | |
| 77 Of course. I won't let heartache kill me bit by bit. Every time I catch a glimpse of | |
| 78 longing in my mother's eyes when she mentions Nadeshiko-san's name...I think to myself, promise | |
| 79 myself, that I won't let myself become like her. I'll be so happy for the one I love, my heart | |
| 80 will continue overflowing with these feelings always...so that I can always keep an honest smile | |
| 81 on my face; never even think of the word "regret". | |
| 82 Because, ne, she has someone she loves, too. | |
| 83 Someone she can confide in...someone who knows her...someone who'll be able to | |
| 84 understand her feelings as well as me. | |
| 85 | |
| 86 -- | |
| 87 you, i believe in you, even in the cold night | |
| 88 -- | |
| 89 | |
| 90 ...maybe she doesn't even know she loves him herself, yet. But I can tell. She trusts | |
| 91 him, it's just the way she looks at him. These days, she's ever so slowly moving away from | |
| 92 me...going to him with her problems...he's her shoulder to cry on now. | |
| 93 Not me. | |
| 94 | |
| 95 -- | |
| 96 with my eyes, i call out to you now | |
| 97 -- | |
| 98 | |
| 99 And why I don't say this bitterly, in a voice tainted with anger and regret? So cold to | |
| 100 the world, because she has Li-kun always...and I only have her smiling face on videotape to | |
| 101 console me when I feel heartbroken? | |
| 102 There are times when I do wonder; why do I always shove them together? Why don't I try to | |
| 103 get between them? I could. If I did...I could play make-believe...she could be mine | |
| 104 forever...and then... | |
| 105 ...and then I'd be exactly like my mother was. Always in denial of what was meant to be. | |
| 106 I won't ruin this. | |
| 107 I'll watch her quietly from the sidelines- never getting too close, too involved in her | |
| 108 love. I won't stand between the two of them. | |
| 109 Why? | |
| 110 Because she'll be happy, of course. | |
| 111 | |
| 112 | |
| 113 "I..." I hesitate for just a moment, looking away. "I want the one I love to be happy, | |
| 114 more than to love me in return." | |
| 115 I turn my gaze back to her...her sweet eyes staring into mine...so full of innocent | |
| 116 confusion. | |
| 117 "...are you saying, you don't even care if the one you love doesn't love you?" | |
| 118 I shut my eyes, replying softly. | |
| 119 "Of course, I would be happy if that person returned my love." | |
| 120 I open them, smiling at her. | |
| 121 It's not a forced smile, it's genuine and real. | |
| 122 I can't be bitter, because... | |
| 123 "Because...the one I love being happy...is the greatest happiness of all." | |
| 124 She blinks, the thought taking a moment to register for her...she seems completely in | |
| 125 the dark. | |
| 126 But for one moment, I see understanding flickering inside those emerald gems... | |
| 127 And then it's gone as she smiles at me. | |
| 128 "...I'm sure, the one Tomoyo-chan loves is really happy." | |
| 129 I gaze at her...and for a moment, it's just like I've pushed pause on the video; I feel | |
| 130 like I could live inside this moment forever... | |
| 131 And she turns away, and it's gone. | |
| 132 | |
| 133 | |
| 134 ...I hope you're right, Sakura-chan. | |
| 135 That you're happy. | |
| 136 | |
| 137 -- | |
| 138 i don't want your promises | |
| 139 with my eyes, i reach out to you now | |
| 140 even in the cold night |