annotate old/stories/superman.txt @ 4:69f0191c9016 moonlitnights tip

added error.log and access.log
author Robert McIntyre <rlm@mit.edu>
date Tue, 22 Jun 2010 13:42:35 -0400
parents fc00894c1d4a
children
rev   line source
rlm@2 1 Hi everyone! ^-^ This is a songfic I finished while I was depressed over a few
rlm@2 2 things and when I was supposed to be working on my ChibiUsa & Hotaru
rlm@2 3 manga story. ^^;;; It’s about Zero from Rockman X and hopefully it shows the
rlm@2 4 pain a ‘hero’ endures. I really hope you like it. ^-^ It's to the song
rlm@2 5 'Superman' by Five for Fighting.
rlm@2 6
rlm@2 7 Superman
rlm@2 8 by Amazoness Duo
rlm@2 9 amazonessduo@hotmail.com
rlm@2 10
rlm@2 11
rlm@2 12 “I can’t stand to fly.
rlm@2 13 I’m not that naïve.
rlm@2 14 I’m just out to find
rlm@2 15 The better part of me”
rlm@2 16
rlm@2 17 Zero gazed across the ruined cityscape, his Z-saber still held firmly in
rlm@2 18 his gloved hand as he surveyed the carnage. It was like some vision straight
rlm@2 19 from a horrible nightmare. What made it even worse was that he knew he was
rlm@2 20 responsible for a good portion of it. All in the line of duty, of course. But
rlm@2 21 sometimes he wondered if that was enough. He was causing just as much
rlm@2 22 damage as the Irregulars. What was the difference? Both sides were fighting for
rlm@2 23 peace, but a peace that would fulfil their own objectives. And what was Zero
rlm@2 24 trying to do? He was an Irregular Hunter, but did he really believe
rlm@2 25 wholeheartedly in their ideals? He didn’t know anymore. They were good
rlm@2 26 ideals. To protect the humans from those Repliroids that had turned against
rlm@2 27 them. But the Irregulars had their own ideals. They wanted to have the freedom
rlm@2 28 long denied them by their human creators.
rlm@2 29 The blond robot didn’t fool himself into thinking that he believed in all
rlm@2 30 of the Irregular Hunters ideals. The truth of the matter was that he had to keep
rlm@2 31 fighting. He had to keep running. From whom or what, he was uncertain. But he
rlm@2 32 knew that the only solace he found, his only form of escape was deep in battle.
rlm@2 33 Trying to set things right. But he had no idea how he could ever possibly put
rlm@2 34 things right. Things were far too complicated for a simple battle to solve. So
rlm@2 35 Zero kept scrambling from battle to battle, continuing his war against the
rlm@2 36 Irregulars. No, that wasn’t what he was fighting. That was a specification of his
rlm@2 37 job as the leader of Zero Unit. His personal war was being waged against Sigma.
rlm@2 38 That’s what had led him this far. Whether he was running away from his
rlm@2 39 problems or head on into them, he only knew he had to keep going.
rlm@2 40
rlm@2 41 “I’m more than a bird,
rlm@2 42 I’m more than a plane,
rlm@2 43 I’m more than some pretty face beside a train.
rlm@2 44 And it’s not easy to be me.”
rlm@2 45
rlm@2 46 Zero was the ultimate warrior. He was strong, quick, very nearly
rlm@2 47 unstoppable. A ruthless killer if he had to be. Someone who would accomplish
rlm@2 48 the mission objectives no matter what the situation. But that wasn’t necessarily
rlm@2 49 true. He was so much more than that. He was a lost and confused soul. He was a
rlm@2 50 traveler, weary of his travels and where they might take him. He was a wounded
rlm@2 51 child, hiding amidst the rubble, hoping someone would come along and save
rlm@2 52 him. Yet he held up the image that he had projected around himself from very
rlm@2 53 near his activation, hiding behind the strong warrior that everyone believed him
rlm@2 54 to be. He could play his part well enough. It protected him in the same way he
rlm@2 55 tried to protect those that he fought for. Let them believe what they wanted. It
rlm@2 56 was safer that way, to be cold, to not give in to the emotions that boiled within
rlm@2 57 his soul. He was calm and collected, always cool under fire.
rlm@2 58 He was inches away from the edge of chaos, dancing ever closer to the
rlm@2 59 ledge and just about to plunge into madness.
rlm@2 60
rlm@2 61 “I wish that I could cry,
rlm@2 62 Fall upon my knees.
rlm@2 63 Find a way to lie,
rlm@2 64 About a home I’ll never see.”
rlm@2 65
rlm@2 66 His image was so close to shattering and no one noticed. Not the
rlm@2 67 Irregulars that he spent so much time stalking nor his comrades back at the
rlm@2 68 Irregular Hunters. In the end, they were no different. They were all lonely souls,
rlm@2 69 fighting for their beliefs in an endless war that seemed to spiral out with him at
rlm@2 70 it’s very core. He didn’t know how much time he could keep fighting. His will
rlm@2 71 was slipping. After Iris’s death, he had to rethink just what he was fighting for.
rlm@2 72 And he still didn’t know. X. But one day he would have to kill X to save
rlm@2 73 everything. And he would do it in an eye blink. But in doing so, he would be
rlm@2 74 killing himself as well, finally breaking the last pieces of whatever lay in his
rlm@2 75 cold heart. And he would finally allow himself to cry. To fully realize the
rlm@2 76 atrocities he had seen and been a part of. He still didn’t have any idea who he
rlm@2 77 was. He had played so many parts over the last few years. Mentor, friend, lover,
rlm@2 78 comrade, enemy. And throughout it all, he kept up the charade, always
rlm@2 79 wondering how much longer he had before it slipped from his fingers entirely.
rlm@2 80 He was running out of time. And he was no closer to finding out who he really
rlm@2 81 was.
rlm@2 82
rlm@2 83 “It may sound absurd,
rlm@2 84 But don’t be naïve.
rlm@2 85 Even heroes have the right to bleed.
rlm@2 86 I may be disturbed,
rlm@2 87 But won’t you concede?
rlm@2 88 Even heroes have the right to dream.
rlm@2 89 And it’s not easy to be me.”
rlm@2 90
rlm@2 91 Zero didn’t know how long he could keep fighting. He couldn’t run
rlm@2 92 much further. The demons were right on his heels, about to drag him down and
rlm@2 93 finish him, to stop him from his pointless war. He knew it was only a matter of
rlm@2 94 time before it was over. He thought he had grown numb to the battles, to the
rlm@2 95 war, but he found himself growing distasteful of it, getting a sick taste in his
rlm@2 96 mouth at the thought of battles to come. He had tried so hard to portray himself
rlm@2 97 as a warrior, but even he couldn’t last forever. He needed a rest before his weary
rlm@2 98 soul collapsed entirely. The fighting had taken its toll on the blond robot.
rlm@2 99 Despite his best efforts, he knew that his time was almost spent. That thought
rlm@2 100 gave him pause. Should he carry on? Was this really worth the effort? If he
rlm@2 101 stopped running, would he finally have to face his past and the demons inside of
rlm@2 102 himself? Was it impossible for him to ever get the peace he longed for? Or did
rlm@2 103 he only live to fight? In which case, he may just welcome his death.
rlm@2 104
rlm@2 105 “Up, up, and away...
rlm@2 106 Away from me.
rlm@2 107 Well it’s all right.
rlm@2 108 You can all sleep sound tonight.
rlm@2 109 I’m not crazy.
rlm@2 110 Or anything.”
rlm@2 111
rlm@2 112 A damaged Irregular attempting to drag itself away caught his eye as he
rlm@2 113 stood on the edge. With a swift shot of his Z-Buster, the Irregular fell silent. He
rlm@2 114 had accomplished his mission. But at what cost? What separated the Hunter
rlm@2 115 from the hunted? When would the distinction blur to the point where it no longer
rlm@2 116 existed? X was still grounded firmly in his pacifism, trying to cling to peace
rlm@2 117 with all of his dear little heart. But Zero knew full well the dangerous line he
rlm@2 118 was treading. He and Sigma had switched places on which side of the dance
rlm@2 119 between Hunters and Irregulars they were both on, after all. Zero had originally
rlm@2 120 been the Irregular, but now he was the one hunting Sigma. How long before
rlm@2 121 there was nothing at all to distinguish between the two anymore? With every
rlm@2 122 battle, it was an inner struggle to keep balanced on the fine line separating them.
rlm@2 123 But there was something deep inside of him that he had struggled to control for
rlm@2 124 years now. And his steel grip on it was weakening. He’d already lost Iris,
rlm@2 125 Colonel, and Teal to the war. What would he do if he lost X? Could he afford to
rlm@2 126 lose his last tie to sanity?
rlm@2 127
rlm@2 128 “I can’t stand to fly.
rlm@2 129 I’m not that naïve.
rlm@2 130 Men weren’t meant to ride,
rlm@2 131 With clouds between their knees.”
rlm@2 132
rlm@2 133 Every single day, Zero stepped out to confront the ugly conflict that
rlm@2 134 threatened to tug the population of earth apart. He was always in the middle of
rlm@2 135 the worst possible situations, getting his hands dirty in whatever needed to be
rlm@2 136 solved. But he was only one man. And he was so tired... He’d already seen and
rlm@2 137 done more than anyone ever should have to. It was too much. It was burying
rlm@2 138 him alive and he couldn’t claw his way back to the surface. It was slowly
rlm@2 139 crushing him under the immensity of it all. He knew that he would fall soon
rlm@2 140 enough under that weight. It was simply too much for him to bear. He just
rlm@2 141 wasn’t strong enough. All of his faith was placed in X, that the blue robot would
rlm@2 142 somehow be able to put right what he couldn’t, that he could survive the trip into
rlm@2 143 madness that Zero was starting to fail at.
rlm@2 144
rlm@2 145 “I’m only a man,
rlm@2 146 In a silly red sheet.
rlm@2 147 Digging for Kryptonite on this one way street.”
rlm@2 148
rlm@2 149 Holding his Z-Saber tightly, he looked down to the ruined city below.
rlm@2 150 He was designed and built to be a war machine, to kill. Whoever had made him
rlm@2 151 had planned for him to fight. And so that’s what he was doing. Parts could be
rlm@2 152 added, pieces could be fixed. But his creator had forgotten the most important
rlm@2 153 piece of all. His soul was being worn down by the constant brutality, the
rlm@2 154 constant insanity that surrounded his every waking moment. No, he may be a
rlm@2 155 war machine, but that didn’t mean anything about the man inside. He was
rlm@2 156 foolish to be out here trying for a victory that he knew would never come. The
rlm@2 157 vicious cycle would continue on forevermore. There was only so much he could
rlm@2 158 take before the burden became too much.
rlm@2 159
rlm@2 160 “Only a man,
rlm@2 161 In a funny red sheet.
rlm@2 162 Looking for special things inside of me.
rlm@2 163 Inside of me.
rlm@2 164 Inside of me.
rlm@2 165 Yeah.
rlm@2 166 Inside of me.
rlm@2 167 Inside of me.”
rlm@2 168
rlm@2 169 What was inside the war machine? What was he besides a killer? He
rlm@2 170 knew X could answer that, but the answers eluded him in the cold night. He
rlm@2 171 knew he was weak and tired. But he couldn’t rest now. There was still so much
rlm@2 172 to be done. Too bad he wouldn’t be around for the end of it. He had won this
rlm@2 173 battle, but it would only be a downward spiral from there. Coming forth
rlm@2 174 victorious from battle didn’t always mean he had made it through unscathed. He
rlm@2 175 may be able to continue winning in his fight with the Irregulars, but his mind
rlm@2 176 couldn’t take much more. The shell was about to crack and get to the soft insides
rlm@2 177 of his soul. Just who was he? Had he really made a difference? Was he more
rlm@2 178 than the war machine that everyone presumed he was? Everyone but X. But
rlm@2 179 even with the smaller robot’s faith in him, he wasn’t quite so sure of himself. He
rlm@2 180 didn’t think he could last much longer. He hoped that X would understand. He
rlm@2 181 couldn’t stay around for him, no matter how much he wanted to.
rlm@2 182
rlm@2 183 “I’m only a man
rlm@2 184 In a funny red sheet.
rlm@2 185 I’m only a man looking for a dream.
rlm@2 186 I’m only a man
rlm@2 187 In a funny red sheet.
rlm@2 188 And it’s not easy...”
rlm@2 189
rlm@2 190 It was almost over. He didn’t have a lot of time left. He needed to
rlm@2 191 figure things out for himself. Who he was and what was deep inside of him. His
rlm@2 192 fight was almost over. But before it was, he would have to confront his past. A
rlm@2 193 shiver went through him as his eyes shut tight, trying to keep back the torrent of
rlm@2 194 emotions breaking through his cold exterior. Just a little further. He had to push
rlm@2 195 himself a little further before he could call it quits. He didn’t know if he could
rlm@2 196 last that long. But he knew he had to try.
rlm@2 197
rlm@2 198 “It’s not easy to be me...”
rlm@2 199
rlm@2 200 Zero turned from the flames, walking silently into the night. His helmet
rlm@2 201 hung limply from his fingers. Fighting didn’t hold anymore appeal to him
rlm@2 202 tonight. He was sick. All he wanted was to go back ‘home’ and rest. And try
rlm@2 203 desperately to hold himself together. Just a little longer.