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1 Lonely, Lonely Heart
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2 by Amazoness Duo
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3 amazonessduo@hotmail.com
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4
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5
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6
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7 The wind was picking up. The radio had said there would be a storm
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8 hitting soon. Often the news can be mistaken about such things, but
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9 Sonomi had no doubt that this time they were correct. Which is why
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10 she had hurried as quickly as she could. It was Nadeshiko's birthday,
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11 after all, and she had never once been late in the eight years since
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12 her death.
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13
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14 The limousine pulled to a stop in front of a quiet and still
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15 cemetary. Stepping out of the back, Sonomi could feel the dampness in
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16 the cool air. The breeze carried a strong smell of rain as dark
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17 clouds rolled overhead. But the business woman paid them no heed as
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18 she walked into the mostly empty graveyard. There were few mourners
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19 today, few brave enough to tease the coming storm. Sonomi made a
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20 mental note to call Tomoyo before she got home and make sure that she
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21 was safe and sound. They could spend the night in front of the fire,
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22 drinking hot chocolate. Perhaps they could watch some of Tomoyo's
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23 beautifully filmed videos of Sakura. But that was all for later. For
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24 now, she had something else she had to do.
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25
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26 "Hello, Nadeshiko-chan," Sonomi whispered into the silence. Kneeling
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27 in front of Nadeshiko's gravestone, she set down an armful of Sakura
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28 blossoms that she had brought with her, as well as a tiny box wrapped
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29 with beautiful red wrapping paper and long pink ribbons. "Happy
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30 birthday." Her fingers followed the curve of Nadeshiko's name along
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31 the cold stone. How often had she whispered that name in her sleep?
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32 How often had she called out it's beautiful syllables when she had
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33 been younger? Countless times in the past, and forevermore in the
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34 future would she be whispering the name of her darling cousin.
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35
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36 A dark sigh escaped Sonomi's lips as she closed her eyes. This was
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37 always such a difficult thing to do. She had thrown herself into her
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38 work after Nadeshiko had gone away with -him- as a way to distract
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39 herself from her pain. It allowed her to forget the despair that
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40 clung to her heart. But whenever she was here at her cousin's grave,
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41 it was impossible to forget. Countless memories, both sweet and sad,
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42 joyful and sorrowful, flooded back to her when she was there. Here in
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43 this place, she didn't have her work to focus her thoughts upon. She
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44 didn't have her gentle daughter to ease the loneliness in her heart.
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45 Here she was left all alone with her memories.
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46
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47 'Please don't cry, Sonomi-chan,' Nadeshiko had whispered oh so long
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48 ago. Sonomi had rushed to her side upon finding out that her beloved
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49 was dying. She had run from the pain, distancing herself from
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50 Nadeshiko's life when the other girl had been wed, but she had found
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51 herself forcefully pulled back by Nadeshiko's sudded illness. 'I
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52 don't like to see you sad. I'll watch over you. So please be happy.'
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53
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54 'I.. I can't, Nadeshiko-chan...' Sonomi had replied by her cousin's
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55 bedside. 'I can't do that. I can't hold back my tears. Not for you. I
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56 need you, Nadeshiko-chan.. I can't pretend that I don't.' She knew
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57 now that Fujitaka had promised Nadeshiko that he wouldn't cry for
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58 her, but Sonomi hadn't been able to fulfill that wish of her cousin.
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59 Her heart belonged solely to the dark haired beauty, and it suffered
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60 terribly without her. They were tears of sorrow that she would never
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61 again see her beautiful cousin, tears of resentment over the man who
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62 had stolen her most precious Nadeshiko, and tears of regret for
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63 having missed out on so much of Nadeshiko's life by fleeing after her
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64 marriage.
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65
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66 "Nadeshiko-chan, I miss you." Sonomi felt a painful sadness well up
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67 in her heart. "I miss you," she repeated. Her eyes, the same stormy
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68 blue as the skies above, welled up with tears. In all of her
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69 memories, Nadeshiko smiled radiently, giving off a warmth that was
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70 hotter than the sun to those who were blessed to know her. Sonomi
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71 longed to see that smile once more, to see her beautiful cousin
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72 before her. But she was all alone, unable to catch even a glimpse of
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73 her heart's desire. Her head rested against the cold stone as tears
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74 fell silently to the earth below her. Sometimes it was so hard to
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75 keep going without Nadeshiko. Everything could feel so futile without
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76 her cheerful cousin by her side. She had languished in this painful
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77 half existence ever since Nadeshiko's marriage stole the dark haired
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78 woman away from her. What was life if your one True Love was ripped
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79 from your grasp? Sonomi's only consolation was her sweet and loving
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80 daughter. Tomoyo was like a little piece of Nadeshiko left behind.
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81 She was cheerful and thoughtful and always terribly kind. She was
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82 Sonomi's one treasure that managed to soothe her heart. But now,
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83 Tomoyo was far away and Sonomi was left to deal with her anguish alone.
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84
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85 "She missed you, too," a man's voice said softly from behind the
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86 woman collapsed against the tombstone. Fujitaka stepped back,
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87 allowing Sonomi some room as the business woman stood up quickly and
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88 composed herself. Her tears were briskly wiped away, the only sign
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89 that she had been crying the tell tale red in her eyes. Her look of
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90 sorrow was also replaced swiftly with one of hateful frustration. The
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91 man smiled in return, setting down his own flowers in front of
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92 Nadeshiko's grave. That only served to strengthen Sonomi's ire.
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93
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94 "What are you doing here?" she demanded, covering her earlier
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95 despair with the anger that was quickly rising up through her. It was
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96 with some relief that she turned form sorrow to anger. THis was
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97 something she could focus on, that she could vent out. Her pain never
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98 lessened it's hold on her heart, but her anger allowed her some
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99 measure of release. And this man was always the perfect target
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100 because she, quite simply, hated him. He had stolen everything from
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101 her. Her dearest Nadeshiko had been plucked right from her grasp. And
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102 after Sonomi had promised to protect her sweet cousin from such
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103 insects. He had even managed to outrace her, the only one ever to do
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104 so, as if he needed to slap her in the face after tearing out her
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105 heart.
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106
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107 Fujitaka smiled pleasantly, as if greeting an old friend. "It's
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108 Nadeshiko's birthday. I wanted to give her some flowers." He nodded
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109 towards Sonomi's previously placed bouquet. "But it seems that I
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110 couldn't hope to outdo your offering, Sonomi-san." He knelt down,
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111 setting his own own flowers next to Sonomi's. "I'm sure she'll love
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112 those. You always did know what she liked."
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113 Standing back up, he watched Sonomi through his glasses for a long
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114 moment.
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115
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116 Sonomi met his gaze fiercely, glaring at her former teacher. This
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117 man had taken away that which she loved most dearly and dared to act
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118 as if they were simply old acquaintances? Why did he always do that?
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119 Didn't he have any human decency in him to just leave her alone? Why
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120 did he insist on hurting her continually, his very presence a dark
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121 reminder of the loss of Nadeshiko? "Kinomoto-sensei." She nodded
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122 towards him and turned towards her limousine. She didn't need this
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123 right now. She would cry the way back home and then would spend the
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124 rest of the night in her daughter's company, the two getting a chance
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125 to escape the pain that love had caused the both of them.
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126
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127 "Sonomi-san, do you have to leave so soon? She really did miss you.
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128 I'm certain that she still does," he said cryptically, watching her
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129 back.
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130
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131 Tensing up at his words, Sonomi sprung on her heel like a cat,
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132 watching Fujitaka smile jovially at her. Today was the day that she
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133 was supposed to pay her respects to her beloved, that she could just
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134 stay by her side, but he had taken even that from her. She was in too
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135 much of an emotional hurricane to think clearly, let alone to deal
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136 with him. "What are you talking about? I have to get home to my
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137 daughter. She needs me." A light shower of rain began to fall, slowly
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138 carressing Sonomi's face and pelting agaisnt her clothes.
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139
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140 "And so does Nadeshiko," Fujitaka replied.Raindrops spattered
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141 against his glasses, but he took no notice, his eyes still on his
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142 deceased wife's cousin.
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143
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144 Clenching her fists, Sonomi felt her anger well up so quickly that
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145 it burnt her inside. "Don't you dare tell me about Nadeshiko-chan!!
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146 You stole her from me! You took away the most precious thing in my
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147 life! I don't care what you have to say! You always give me that
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148 damned patronizing smile, as if you don't care about any of the pain
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149 you've caused or that others suffer through. Why can't you just be
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150 happy with what you took from me? Why can't you leave me alone..?"
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151 Her voice broke at last, tears rolling down her cheeks as her anger
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152 finally gave way to pure sorrow and hopelessness. She was forever
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153 lost, never to be blessed with the love that graced her heart. Never
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154 to have or to hold her beautiful cousin. And it was all because of
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155 one man.
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156
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157 The taller man watched Sonomi for a long time, unsure of what to
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158 say. In all the time that he had known Sonomi, he had never once seen
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159 her like this. She had always been like a brave and noble samurai,
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160 always ready to do battle with him. But now, she looked so weak and
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161 fragile, her steel will caving in on itself. He did feel the pain,
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162 even if she didn't see it. He didn't allow it to show through. He had
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163 promised Nadeshiko. He had loved her and had agreed to her wishes.
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164 But Sonomi wasn't one to hide her emotions behind a never changing
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165 smile, to lock up the pain deep inside the heart and never letting it
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166 go. No, they had both dealt with their grief in entirely different
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167 ways. Sonomi by busying herself with her work and by fueling her
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168 anger towards him. And he dealt with it as if it wasn't there, behind
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169 a frozen smile and an endlessly pleasant demeanor. In some ways, he
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170 envied Sonomi. She let her emotions through and rode with them, so
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171 much like his own daughter, Sakura. She experienced all of her
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172 emotions to their fullest. At the same time, he pitied her. He, at
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173 least, had his memories of his marriage to Nadeshiko and their time
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174 spent together. Sonomi had been robbed of even that simple pleasure.
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175 So he understood why she hated him so, although he couldn't imagine
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176 simply not marrying Nadeshiko. That would have been like denying his
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177 very existence.
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178
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179 Sonomi felt a hand on her shoulder and immediately shrugged it away.
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180 "Leave me alone," she said weakly, trying to pull up any form of
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181 strength to get away. But there was nothing there for her to use. She
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182 felt so... empty.
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183
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184 "She missed you," Fujitaka repeated. "She kept searching for you in
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185 the last few years of her life. And she was always talking about you.
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186 'Sonomi-chan always loved to cook for me'. 'Sonomi-chan and I always
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187 did this together'. 'Sonomi-chan was always there for me. I wonder
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188 what she's doing right now'." He paused smiling a little to himself
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189 as he looked at the tombstone. His wife's body may be under their
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190 feet, but she was not. He wouldn't be surprised if she was watching
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191 them at that very moment. "You and I both know that Nadeshiko wasn't
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192 one to regret much. It wasn't her nature. She lived life to it's
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193 fullest and treasured every moment of it. And I think we both loved
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194 that about her. But you were one of her only regrets. Possibly the
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195 only regret she ever carried. The two of you were practically
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196 inseperable until we got married. You'll never know how much that
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197 hurt her. It took her forever to understand why you left." He sighed,
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198 pulling off his glasses. His own heart was clenching at the memories,
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199 but it was nice to try not to hide it for once. "She wanted to raise
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200 Sakura-chan like you. That's why she always had such short hair. And
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201 why I got her involved in athletics. Because Nadeshiko wanted her to
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202 grow up to be like her strong and gorgeous cousin, Sonomi. I tried my
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203 best to comply with her wishes." A soft laugh escaped him as he
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204 watched Sonomi, whose stormy blue eyes were staring into his own with
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205 a profound intensity. Sonomi still hated him, but he could see that
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206 they were curious, listening. "I think she turned out quite a bit
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207 like you. Even if she isn't quite as perceptive."
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208
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209 Sonomi felt a lump form in her throat as she tried to swallow. Her
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210 tears continued to cascade down her cheeks, mixing with the
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211 raindrops. "She... Nadeshiko-chan wanted Sakura-chan to be like me?"
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212 she whispered. She had raised her own daughter to be like Nadeshiko,
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213 a way of expressing her longing for her far away cousin. Nadeshiko
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214 had done the same with her own daughter? "Nadeshiko-chan..."she
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215 whimpered, closing her eyes.
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216
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217 "She needed to see you again when she found out she was dying,"
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218 Fujitaka continued, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "She said that
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219 she had to see you again before she died. I don't think she was
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220 worried at all about her own death, but the prospect of dying before
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221 she could talk to you again frightened her immensely. So I searched
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222 everywhere I could, any way I could, to find you before time ran out.
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223 The letter you got was from her, but I was the one to seek you out
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224 for her. She had to see you one last time. I was almost afraid that
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225 you wouldn't make it on time. But I always knew that you were the
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226 most reliable person I could think of. And you made it. You should
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227 have seen the smile on her face when I told her you had called in
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228 from your hotel room." His hand went to his eyes as tears of his own
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229 began to blur his vision. "I'd never seen her so happy. It was as if
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230 a huge burden that had been on her shoulders for our entire marriage
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231 had been lifted." He looked up, swallowing painfully. "Sonomi-san,
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232 you meant quite a bit to her. So please don't feel lonely. I know
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233 she's keeping an eye on you."
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234
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235 "Nadeshiko-chan..." Sonomi sobbed above Nadeshiko's grave, her face
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236 in her hands. The rain had by now thoroughly soaked her dress, but
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237 she could hardly care about such trivial things. Her mind was lost on
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238 those lovely syllables, Nadeshiko. She had always felt so alone,
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239 always wondering how much she had meant to her innocent cousin. Had
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240 she been so happily married that the split between them meant nothing
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241 to her? Was Nadeshiko watching from up above, a beautiful angel that
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242 kept watch over her family? Or did she also give her divine attention
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243 to Sonomi as well? Now it seemed that Sonomi had her answer. So she
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244 cried her heart out, her own lonely tears joining the storm of tears
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245 from up above. |
