annotate old/stories/sonomi.txt @ 4:69f0191c9016 moonlitnights tip

added error.log and access.log
author Robert McIntyre <rlm@mit.edu>
date Tue, 22 Jun 2010 13:42:35 -0400
parents fc00894c1d4a
children
rev   line source
rlm@2 1 Lonely, Lonely Heart
rlm@2 2 by Amazoness Duo
rlm@2 3 amazonessduo@hotmail.com
rlm@2 4
rlm@2 5
rlm@2 6
rlm@2 7 The wind was picking up. The radio had said there would be a storm
rlm@2 8 hitting soon. Often the news can be mistaken about such things, but
rlm@2 9 Sonomi had no doubt that this time they were correct. Which is why
rlm@2 10 she had hurried as quickly as she could. It was Nadeshiko's birthday,
rlm@2 11 after all, and she had never once been late in the eight years since
rlm@2 12 her death.
rlm@2 13
rlm@2 14 The limousine pulled to a stop in front of a quiet and still
rlm@2 15 cemetary. Stepping out of the back, Sonomi could feel the dampness in
rlm@2 16 the cool air. The breeze carried a strong smell of rain as dark
rlm@2 17 clouds rolled overhead. But the business woman paid them no heed as
rlm@2 18 she walked into the mostly empty graveyard. There were few mourners
rlm@2 19 today, few brave enough to tease the coming storm. Sonomi made a
rlm@2 20 mental note to call Tomoyo before she got home and make sure that she
rlm@2 21 was safe and sound. They could spend the night in front of the fire,
rlm@2 22 drinking hot chocolate. Perhaps they could watch some of Tomoyo's
rlm@2 23 beautifully filmed videos of Sakura. But that was all for later. For
rlm@2 24 now, she had something else she had to do.
rlm@2 25
rlm@2 26 "Hello, Nadeshiko-chan," Sonomi whispered into the silence. Kneeling
rlm@2 27 in front of Nadeshiko's gravestone, she set down an armful of Sakura
rlm@2 28 blossoms that she had brought with her, as well as a tiny box wrapped
rlm@2 29 with beautiful red wrapping paper and long pink ribbons. "Happy
rlm@2 30 birthday." Her fingers followed the curve of Nadeshiko's name along
rlm@2 31 the cold stone. How often had she whispered that name in her sleep?
rlm@2 32 How often had she called out it's beautiful syllables when she had
rlm@2 33 been younger? Countless times in the past, and forevermore in the
rlm@2 34 future would she be whispering the name of her darling cousin.
rlm@2 35
rlm@2 36 A dark sigh escaped Sonomi's lips as she closed her eyes. This was
rlm@2 37 always such a difficult thing to do. She had thrown herself into her
rlm@2 38 work after Nadeshiko had gone away with -him- as a way to distract
rlm@2 39 herself from her pain. It allowed her to forget the despair that
rlm@2 40 clung to her heart. But whenever she was here at her cousin's grave,
rlm@2 41 it was impossible to forget. Countless memories, both sweet and sad,
rlm@2 42 joyful and sorrowful, flooded back to her when she was there. Here in
rlm@2 43 this place, she didn't have her work to focus her thoughts upon. She
rlm@2 44 didn't have her gentle daughter to ease the loneliness in her heart.
rlm@2 45 Here she was left all alone with her memories.
rlm@2 46
rlm@2 47 'Please don't cry, Sonomi-chan,' Nadeshiko had whispered oh so long
rlm@2 48 ago. Sonomi had rushed to her side upon finding out that her beloved
rlm@2 49 was dying. She had run from the pain, distancing herself from
rlm@2 50 Nadeshiko's life when the other girl had been wed, but she had found
rlm@2 51 herself forcefully pulled back by Nadeshiko's sudded illness. 'I
rlm@2 52 don't like to see you sad. I'll watch over you. So please be happy.'
rlm@2 53
rlm@2 54 'I.. I can't, Nadeshiko-chan...' Sonomi had replied by her cousin's
rlm@2 55 bedside. 'I can't do that. I can't hold back my tears. Not for you. I
rlm@2 56 need you, Nadeshiko-chan.. I can't pretend that I don't.' She knew
rlm@2 57 now that Fujitaka had promised Nadeshiko that he wouldn't cry for
rlm@2 58 her, but Sonomi hadn't been able to fulfill that wish of her cousin.
rlm@2 59 Her heart belonged solely to the dark haired beauty, and it suffered
rlm@2 60 terribly without her. They were tears of sorrow that she would never
rlm@2 61 again see her beautiful cousin, tears of resentment over the man who
rlm@2 62 had stolen her most precious Nadeshiko, and tears of regret for
rlm@2 63 having missed out on so much of Nadeshiko's life by fleeing after her
rlm@2 64 marriage.
rlm@2 65
rlm@2 66 "Nadeshiko-chan, I miss you." Sonomi felt a painful sadness well up
rlm@2 67 in her heart. "I miss you," she repeated. Her eyes, the same stormy
rlm@2 68 blue as the skies above, welled up with tears. In all of her
rlm@2 69 memories, Nadeshiko smiled radiently, giving off a warmth that was
rlm@2 70 hotter than the sun to those who were blessed to know her. Sonomi
rlm@2 71 longed to see that smile once more, to see her beautiful cousin
rlm@2 72 before her. But she was all alone, unable to catch even a glimpse of
rlm@2 73 her heart's desire. Her head rested against the cold stone as tears
rlm@2 74 fell silently to the earth below her. Sometimes it was so hard to
rlm@2 75 keep going without Nadeshiko. Everything could feel so futile without
rlm@2 76 her cheerful cousin by her side. She had languished in this painful
rlm@2 77 half existence ever since Nadeshiko's marriage stole the dark haired
rlm@2 78 woman away from her. What was life if your one True Love was ripped
rlm@2 79 from your grasp? Sonomi's only consolation was her sweet and loving
rlm@2 80 daughter. Tomoyo was like a little piece of Nadeshiko left behind.
rlm@2 81 She was cheerful and thoughtful and always terribly kind. She was
rlm@2 82 Sonomi's one treasure that managed to soothe her heart. But now,
rlm@2 83 Tomoyo was far away and Sonomi was left to deal with her anguish alone.
rlm@2 84
rlm@2 85 "She missed you, too," a man's voice said softly from behind the
rlm@2 86 woman collapsed against the tombstone. Fujitaka stepped back,
rlm@2 87 allowing Sonomi some room as the business woman stood up quickly and
rlm@2 88 composed herself. Her tears were briskly wiped away, the only sign
rlm@2 89 that she had been crying the tell tale red in her eyes. Her look of
rlm@2 90 sorrow was also replaced swiftly with one of hateful frustration. The
rlm@2 91 man smiled in return, setting down his own flowers in front of
rlm@2 92 Nadeshiko's grave. That only served to strengthen Sonomi's ire.
rlm@2 93
rlm@2 94 "What are you doing here?" she demanded, covering her earlier
rlm@2 95 despair with the anger that was quickly rising up through her. It was
rlm@2 96 with some relief that she turned form sorrow to anger. THis was
rlm@2 97 something she could focus on, that she could vent out. Her pain never
rlm@2 98 lessened it's hold on her heart, but her anger allowed her some
rlm@2 99 measure of release. And this man was always the perfect target
rlm@2 100 because she, quite simply, hated him. He had stolen everything from
rlm@2 101 her. Her dearest Nadeshiko had been plucked right from her grasp. And
rlm@2 102 after Sonomi had promised to protect her sweet cousin from such
rlm@2 103 insects. He had even managed to outrace her, the only one ever to do
rlm@2 104 so, as if he needed to slap her in the face after tearing out her
rlm@2 105 heart.
rlm@2 106
rlm@2 107 Fujitaka smiled pleasantly, as if greeting an old friend. "It's
rlm@2 108 Nadeshiko's birthday. I wanted to give her some flowers." He nodded
rlm@2 109 towards Sonomi's previously placed bouquet. "But it seems that I
rlm@2 110 couldn't hope to outdo your offering, Sonomi-san." He knelt down,
rlm@2 111 setting his own own flowers next to Sonomi's. "I'm sure she'll love
rlm@2 112 those. You always did know what she liked."
rlm@2 113 Standing back up, he watched Sonomi through his glasses for a long
rlm@2 114 moment.
rlm@2 115
rlm@2 116 Sonomi met his gaze fiercely, glaring at her former teacher. This
rlm@2 117 man had taken away that which she loved most dearly and dared to act
rlm@2 118 as if they were simply old acquaintances? Why did he always do that?
rlm@2 119 Didn't he have any human decency in him to just leave her alone? Why
rlm@2 120 did he insist on hurting her continually, his very presence a dark
rlm@2 121 reminder of the loss of Nadeshiko? "Kinomoto-sensei." She nodded
rlm@2 122 towards him and turned towards her limousine. She didn't need this
rlm@2 123 right now. She would cry the way back home and then would spend the
rlm@2 124 rest of the night in her daughter's company, the two getting a chance
rlm@2 125 to escape the pain that love had caused the both of them.
rlm@2 126
rlm@2 127 "Sonomi-san, do you have to leave so soon? She really did miss you.
rlm@2 128 I'm certain that she still does," he said cryptically, watching her
rlm@2 129 back.
rlm@2 130
rlm@2 131 Tensing up at his words, Sonomi sprung on her heel like a cat,
rlm@2 132 watching Fujitaka smile jovially at her. Today was the day that she
rlm@2 133 was supposed to pay her respects to her beloved, that she could just
rlm@2 134 stay by her side, but he had taken even that from her. She was in too
rlm@2 135 much of an emotional hurricane to think clearly, let alone to deal
rlm@2 136 with him. "What are you talking about? I have to get home to my
rlm@2 137 daughter. She needs me." A light shower of rain began to fall, slowly
rlm@2 138 carressing Sonomi's face and pelting agaisnt her clothes.
rlm@2 139
rlm@2 140 "And so does Nadeshiko," Fujitaka replied.Raindrops spattered
rlm@2 141 against his glasses, but he took no notice, his eyes still on his
rlm@2 142 deceased wife's cousin.
rlm@2 143
rlm@2 144 Clenching her fists, Sonomi felt her anger well up so quickly that
rlm@2 145 it burnt her inside. "Don't you dare tell me about Nadeshiko-chan!!
rlm@2 146 You stole her from me! You took away the most precious thing in my
rlm@2 147 life! I don't care what you have to say! You always give me that
rlm@2 148 damned patronizing smile, as if you don't care about any of the pain
rlm@2 149 you've caused or that others suffer through. Why can't you just be
rlm@2 150 happy with what you took from me? Why can't you leave me alone..?"
rlm@2 151 Her voice broke at last, tears rolling down her cheeks as her anger
rlm@2 152 finally gave way to pure sorrow and hopelessness. She was forever
rlm@2 153 lost, never to be blessed with the love that graced her heart. Never
rlm@2 154 to have or to hold her beautiful cousin. And it was all because of
rlm@2 155 one man.
rlm@2 156
rlm@2 157 The taller man watched Sonomi for a long time, unsure of what to
rlm@2 158 say. In all the time that he had known Sonomi, he had never once seen
rlm@2 159 her like this. She had always been like a brave and noble samurai,
rlm@2 160 always ready to do battle with him. But now, she looked so weak and
rlm@2 161 fragile, her steel will caving in on itself. He did feel the pain,
rlm@2 162 even if she didn't see it. He didn't allow it to show through. He had
rlm@2 163 promised Nadeshiko. He had loved her and had agreed to her wishes.
rlm@2 164 But Sonomi wasn't one to hide her emotions behind a never changing
rlm@2 165 smile, to lock up the pain deep inside the heart and never letting it
rlm@2 166 go. No, they had both dealt with their grief in entirely different
rlm@2 167 ways. Sonomi by busying herself with her work and by fueling her
rlm@2 168 anger towards him. And he dealt with it as if it wasn't there, behind
rlm@2 169 a frozen smile and an endlessly pleasant demeanor. In some ways, he
rlm@2 170 envied Sonomi. She let her emotions through and rode with them, so
rlm@2 171 much like his own daughter, Sakura. She experienced all of her
rlm@2 172 emotions to their fullest. At the same time, he pitied her. He, at
rlm@2 173 least, had his memories of his marriage to Nadeshiko and their time
rlm@2 174 spent together. Sonomi had been robbed of even that simple pleasure.
rlm@2 175 So he understood why she hated him so, although he couldn't imagine
rlm@2 176 simply not marrying Nadeshiko. That would have been like denying his
rlm@2 177 very existence.
rlm@2 178
rlm@2 179 Sonomi felt a hand on her shoulder and immediately shrugged it away.
rlm@2 180 "Leave me alone," she said weakly, trying to pull up any form of
rlm@2 181 strength to get away. But there was nothing there for her to use. She
rlm@2 182 felt so... empty.
rlm@2 183
rlm@2 184 "She missed you," Fujitaka repeated. "She kept searching for you in
rlm@2 185 the last few years of her life. And she was always talking about you.
rlm@2 186 'Sonomi-chan always loved to cook for me'. 'Sonomi-chan and I always
rlm@2 187 did this together'. 'Sonomi-chan was always there for me. I wonder
rlm@2 188 what she's doing right now'." He paused smiling a little to himself
rlm@2 189 as he looked at the tombstone. His wife's body may be under their
rlm@2 190 feet, but she was not. He wouldn't be surprised if she was watching
rlm@2 191 them at that very moment. "You and I both know that Nadeshiko wasn't
rlm@2 192 one to regret much. It wasn't her nature. She lived life to it's
rlm@2 193 fullest and treasured every moment of it. And I think we both loved
rlm@2 194 that about her. But you were one of her only regrets. Possibly the
rlm@2 195 only regret she ever carried. The two of you were practically
rlm@2 196 inseperable until we got married. You'll never know how much that
rlm@2 197 hurt her. It took her forever to understand why you left." He sighed,
rlm@2 198 pulling off his glasses. His own heart was clenching at the memories,
rlm@2 199 but it was nice to try not to hide it for once. "She wanted to raise
rlm@2 200 Sakura-chan like you. That's why she always had such short hair. And
rlm@2 201 why I got her involved in athletics. Because Nadeshiko wanted her to
rlm@2 202 grow up to be like her strong and gorgeous cousin, Sonomi. I tried my
rlm@2 203 best to comply with her wishes." A soft laugh escaped him as he
rlm@2 204 watched Sonomi, whose stormy blue eyes were staring into his own with
rlm@2 205 a profound intensity. Sonomi still hated him, but he could see that
rlm@2 206 they were curious, listening. "I think she turned out quite a bit
rlm@2 207 like you. Even if she isn't quite as perceptive."
rlm@2 208
rlm@2 209 Sonomi felt a lump form in her throat as she tried to swallow. Her
rlm@2 210 tears continued to cascade down her cheeks, mixing with the
rlm@2 211 raindrops. "She... Nadeshiko-chan wanted Sakura-chan to be like me?"
rlm@2 212 she whispered. She had raised her own daughter to be like Nadeshiko,
rlm@2 213 a way of expressing her longing for her far away cousin. Nadeshiko
rlm@2 214 had done the same with her own daughter? "Nadeshiko-chan..."she
rlm@2 215 whimpered, closing her eyes.
rlm@2 216
rlm@2 217 "She needed to see you again when she found out she was dying,"
rlm@2 218 Fujitaka continued, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "She said that
rlm@2 219 she had to see you again before she died. I don't think she was
rlm@2 220 worried at all about her own death, but the prospect of dying before
rlm@2 221 she could talk to you again frightened her immensely. So I searched
rlm@2 222 everywhere I could, any way I could, to find you before time ran out.
rlm@2 223 The letter you got was from her, but I was the one to seek you out
rlm@2 224 for her. She had to see you one last time. I was almost afraid that
rlm@2 225 you wouldn't make it on time. But I always knew that you were the
rlm@2 226 most reliable person I could think of. And you made it. You should
rlm@2 227 have seen the smile on her face when I told her you had called in
rlm@2 228 from your hotel room." His hand went to his eyes as tears of his own
rlm@2 229 began to blur his vision. "I'd never seen her so happy. It was as if
rlm@2 230 a huge burden that had been on her shoulders for our entire marriage
rlm@2 231 had been lifted." He looked up, swallowing painfully. "Sonomi-san,
rlm@2 232 you meant quite a bit to her. So please don't feel lonely. I know
rlm@2 233 she's keeping an eye on you."
rlm@2 234
rlm@2 235 "Nadeshiko-chan..." Sonomi sobbed above Nadeshiko's grave, her face
rlm@2 236 in her hands. The rain had by now thoroughly soaked her dress, but
rlm@2 237 she could hardly care about such trivial things. Her mind was lost on
rlm@2 238 those lovely syllables, Nadeshiko. She had always felt so alone,
rlm@2 239 always wondering how much she had meant to her innocent cousin. Had
rlm@2 240 she been so happily married that the split between them meant nothing
rlm@2 241 to her? Was Nadeshiko watching from up above, a beautiful angel that
rlm@2 242 kept watch over her family? Or did she also give her divine attention
rlm@2 243 to Sonomi as well? Now it seemed that Sonomi had her answer. So she
rlm@2 244 cried her heart out, her own lonely tears joining the storm of tears
rlm@2 245 from up above.