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1 Afterwards
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2 Immo
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3 immo@hamena.org
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4
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5 Author's comments: Okay, I know the title sucks ass. Don't blame me.
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6 It was either that, or
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7 'Josie and the Pussycats' cuz that was the cd I've been listening to
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8 repetitively. Buy the cd
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9 everybody! Oh, by the way, I love Eliza Dushku. She's the girl that
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10 plays Faith in Buffy the
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11 Vampire Slayer, Missy in Bring It On!, Annabel in Soul Survivors,
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12 Danielle (Dan the Man) in
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13 The New Guy (Watch it for the bathing suit scene!) and a whole list
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14 that I won't bother, cuz
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15 I'm too busy worshipping her. :P Its late. Um, its a Noir fic with
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16 femslashy/yuri/shoujo-ai/
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17 girl-girl love/angsty thing. Cool. I think girlgirl love is cute. So
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18 shut up.
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19
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20 COMMENTS, COMPLIMENTS, REVIEWS, COMPLAINTS, FLAMES (please, no?),
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21 ARE WELCOME (cept for the
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22 flames). Please. I'm doing an analysis on Oedipus. Leave my psycotic
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23 psychoticness alone (but
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24 all C&Cs and Rs are welcome!) and read the fic.
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25
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26 ~-~-~
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27
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28 It might've been better if I had died that night. I don't know, but
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29 sometimes I think
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30 it would've been so much better if Mireille had killed me as soon as
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31 I approached her. Then
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32 she wouldn't be going through this.
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33 "I don't regret a thing." Mireille and that beautiful smile.
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34 What a lie that was. When she thought I was asleep, she would cry,
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35 and I would just
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36 lay there and listen to her, because there was nothing I could do.
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37 There was nothing I
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38 wouldn't do for her, but really, there was nothing I could do.
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39 It was stupid of both of us to think that love would conquer all.
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40 Shallow breaths and
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41 passion-filled nights don't erase the blood on our hands. Especially
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42 not mine. I haven't even
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43 made penance for my crimes against her.
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44 She would never admit to regret, not my Mireille. She was strong,
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45 and I was so proud
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46 of her, so drawn to her and her curious ways. Sometimes, I feel like
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47 I have nothing inside me
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48 and she would fill me with herself, her light, her face, her being.
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49 Lately, I've been unresponsive, I've withdrawn into myself, and she
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50 worries. I don't
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51 want her to worry, but its so hard not to think about these things.
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52 Does her family haunt her at night, screaming for revenge?
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53 Why does she continue like this?
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54 And I watch her, sometimes, when she's not looking and try to see
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55 those ghosts that
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56 surround her. I know she has one, or some, because I do too. How
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57 does it feel to have a
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58 Chloe, eternally poking you with a dessert fork?
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59 Just thinking about her sometimes, in an ethereal form, grinning
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60 delightfully, makes
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61 me smile too. But I dread it everytime I see the phantom glare at me
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62 accusingly.
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63 Love can't win all the time, just as hate can't win all the time
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64 either. Altena, dear
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65 mother, forgive me. For I have sinned.
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66 Love can't erase the trainings of Noir. I was brought up, knowing
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67 nothing else except
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68 Noir. How could I abandon it?
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69 Noir was two...
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70 How could Mireille abandon her family?
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71 The breeze was warm, a perfect summer day, sitting in an outdoor cafe.
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72 Five to twelve. Would she be late?
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73 When arms wrapped around me from behind in a tight hug, I knew that
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74 was a stupid
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75 question. Stupid, stupid. Of course she wouldn't be late.
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76 "Good afternoon,"
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77 It was amazing how, just the touch of her lips brushing against my
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78 ear, the slight
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79 growl in her voice, could set me on fire. She brandished a rose,
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80 brushing it deftly across my
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81 lips, and I found myself blushing when I saw an elderly couple
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82 watching us in amusement.
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83 "Mireille..." I leaned my head back, and she kissed me on the lips
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84 tenderly, before
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85 moving to her seat opposite me. How could anyone be so beautiful?
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86 How could anyone be so damned beautiful, yet so dangerous? My eyes
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87 trained on her
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88 hands.
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89 "Kirika, there's a show at the Paris Opera House." Two tickets
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90 appeared in her hands.
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91 "Lets go watch."
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92 "What are we watching?"
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93 Merielle shrugged, grinning. "Does it matter?"
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94
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95 And when we sat in those plush red seats, and I leaned back,
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96 watching the opera, it
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97 didn't really matter. The music, the whole of the opera, was
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98 beautiful.
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99 "Have you heard of Le Fantôme de l'opéra?" Her words whispered into
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100 my ear. I
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101 shivered, as a hand brushed teasingly against my thigh.
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102 "Phantom of the Opera? Isn't that a musical?" I responded in a
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103 breathless tone,
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104 Mireille's hair tickling my forehead, as the blonde nipped at the my
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105 neck.
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106 'Mireille...'
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107 "Mireille," I was ashamed of the lust that was so evident in my
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108 voice. And even when
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109 I tried to squirm away from her, I returned those kisses. "We're in
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110 public..."
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111 "In public, in private, in our own box number five." Mireille
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112 chuckled when I let out
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113 a loud gasp. "Only le fantôme de l'opéra will see us. Now... kiss me."
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114 It didn't really matter which opera we were watching, because as the
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115 orchestra played
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116 on, I was just thankful it muffled the sounds we were making.
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117 Mireille could be quite the
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118 risk-taker when she felt like it, and as I lay against her chest,
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119 listening to her heart
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120 slowing back to normal pace, I wonder how much I've changed her.
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121 We ran down the steps, past the other opera-goers, and giggled and
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122 apologized when we
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123 bumped into people, no amount of sour looks or complaints could kill
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124 our mood. We were
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125 together, alive, and well.
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126 Wandering the streets, we kissed, chased each other, watched the
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127 lamplights flicker
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128 on and off for a while, then watched the dark waters below us, on a
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129 bridge.
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130 I had buried whatever normal life I had in those dark waters. Maybe
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131 I should go and
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132 buy myself a new sketchbook... but was that really necessary when I
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133 know that simple drawings
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134 on paper could not give me nearly as much life as Mireille did?
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135 Strange how to people could meet under such strange circumstances,
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136 yes, that was us.
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137 Stranger still how one could love the murderer of your family, how
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138 you could fall in love
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139 with the person who said they would kill you.
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140 Heh.
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141 It was funny.
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142 That feeling. That word. Love.
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143
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144 *-*-*
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145
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146 We had finally gotten past that last hurdle.
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147 Didn't know it was so hard for both of us to just show that we cared
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148 for each other.
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149 We could take out a small army by ourselves, and still, those three
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150 little words defeat us. I
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151 don't know what we're so afraid of, but neither of us could utter
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152 it, even a month after our
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153 run-in with Soldats, when everything fell to a close at the Manor.
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154 But was it really the end?
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155 That haunted expression in Kirika's eyes... it was still there.
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156 And Soldats still lurked around the corner. I could feel them. Smell
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157 them, maybe. A
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158 scent of old parchment, and fine red wine that intoxicated and made
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159 me feel sluggish and
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160 dangerously drunk.
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161 "Mireille?"
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162 I moved away from the window. I thought I had... no. It couldn't
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163 have been. I thought
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164 I had glimpsed the shine of the noonday sun off the cold steel of a
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165 gun. But that wasn't
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166 possible.
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167 I kept telling myself that, again and again, over and over.
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168 'It wasn't possible, it wasn't possible, it wasn't possible, it's
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169 very possible, you
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170 two embarassed their whole organization, the two of you managed to
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171 single-handedly cripple
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172 Soldats and off some of their most important and powerful members,
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173 you know the identity of
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174 the roots of Soldats, old men who sat in seats of power...'
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175 "Is something on your mind?"
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176 Our eyes met, and I fought an internal struggle. Should I tell
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177 Kirika about my
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178 worries? Or should I keep it to myself, keep this paranoia buried
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179 deep inside me and not
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180 scratch at a wound that was still fresh and red. Irritable if you
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181 touch it. Infections, and
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182 pus caking around the edges of the cut.
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183 "Nothing."
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184 "Here," Kirika got up from her seat and walked behind me, hands
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185 sliding across my
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186 tense shoulders, thumbs and fingers caressed the bare flesh of my
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187 back, slipping underneath
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188 my shirt to run dry heat across the my back.
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189 "Kirika," I couldn't help it, and arched my back, giving in to the
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190 smaller girl's
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191 ministrations.
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192 "That feels nice..."
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193 Lips trailed across the back of my neck.
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194 "THAT, feels even nicer," I purred. Kirika's mouth turned up into a
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195 small pink smile.
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196 "That's exactly what I want to hear."
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197
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198 Later on in the early evening, I still had that feeling. We had
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199 decided to eat at a
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200 small diner we both loved, and it was easy to pick out the sore
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201 thumb amongst the regular
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202 patrons.
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203 "That one." I was sure. So sure.
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204 Kirika's eyes darted to the side, unnoticably, and she continued her
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205 meal. "I see."
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206 "That's why I've been acting all jumpy." pause. "Soldats."
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207 Kirika's hand tightened around the fork, she placed the utensil
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208 down, and reached for
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209 the stem of her wineglass, almost downing all the contents in one
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210 gulp.
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211 "No." Her voice was harsh.
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212 "I'm certain--"
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213 "No." Kirika said a bit louder now. "No. No more. Its not, Mireille.
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214 We leave them
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215 alone, they leave us alone. Please."
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216 I looked at the dark-eyed girl, saw a sort of anxiety in her.
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217 "I want to believe, I want to, Mireille. That they've left us alone.
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218 We have nothing
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219 to do with them, they have nothing to do with us." Kirika reached
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220 out to place her hand on
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221 top of mine. "Please. I *need* to."
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222 I could feel that rough spot on her finger, her trigger finger. Over
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223 time, if one
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224 pulls the trigger of a gun too much, one develops a callous on the
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225 spot. Like if a person
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226 writes too much. If one stops doing whatever it is that developed
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227 the callous in the first
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228 place, it will fade. But it takes some time.
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229 So I closed myself off to the newness in the environment, and
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230 ordered a strawberry
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231 shortcake for myself, and Kirika ordered a chocolate cheesecake,
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232 that she only managed to
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233 finish half of.
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234 "Lets go home."
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235 The bill was paid, and we went back to our apartment. The man had
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236 also paid his bill
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237 and was following us. But both Kirika and I ignored it. Or at least,
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238 I tried to. The
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239 comforting weight of my handgun in my purse was... of little
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240 comfort, as he followed us up
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241 the steps to our apartment... and stopped one floor before ours. I
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242 heard the jangle of his
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243 keys as he let himself into his apartment.
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244 I breathed out a sigh of relief. Overreating to the smallest thing,
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245 that's probably
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246 what Kirika was thinking right now as she unlocks the door to our
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247 apartment.
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248 The plant was outlined by the low-hanging moon, almost as if it
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249 perched on the
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250 windowsill. Kirika went to take a shower first, and I went and made
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251 some tea, the ritual had
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252 been set for us. I boiled the water and spooned tea leaves into the
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253 teapot. Then, I went and
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254 set the table for two. Usually, Kirika would be helping me... but
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255 tonight there was tension.
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256 I nursed my cup of tea, enjoying the herbal scent, when Kirika came
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257 out of the bathroom.
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258 Steam raced out between her legs, she was in her bathrobe, hair
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259 hanging wet and loose, towel
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260 draped over her arm.
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261 "Your turn." Kirika sat on the bed, and used the towel to slowly,
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262 meticulously, dry
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263 her hair.
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264 "The tea. It'll get cold."
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265 And there was that glare, I had seen that same glare when I had gone
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266 to 'rescue'
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267 Kirika from the kind mother. That glare that recognized me, but
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268 wished me a slow, painful,
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269 torturous death.
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270 "I'm sorry." She returned to normal, regret written clearly on her
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271 face.
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272 "No, its..." I was going to say it was my fault. But it wasn't. So
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273 it would have been
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274 a lie. It was awkward, just standing there, so I escaped to the
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275 washroom, and hid underneath
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276 the spray of the shower.
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277 When I came back out, Kirika was already in bed, her cup of tea
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278 finished. And my tea
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279 was already cold, so I just went back into the bathroom, wiped off
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280 the foggy mirror, and
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281 blow-dried my hair.
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282 Slipping under the covers, I turned so my back faced Kirika's.
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283 'So. This is a lover's quarrel.' Even though, outwardly I was
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284 relaxed, everything was
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285 a bundle of quivering nerves, and that delightful mixture of hurt
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286 and fear pricked my brain.
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287 A feather-light touch, and Kirika drew me into her arms, breath
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288 ruffling my hair.
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289 "I'm sorry."
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290 "I'm not mad at you."
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291 A soft chuckle that tickled my back.
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292 "Yes you are."
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293 Turning in Kirika's hold, our noses touching, breath smelling of
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294 minty freshness from
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295 the toothpaste, I smiled at her.
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rlm@2
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296 "No." Lips touched in a kiss. "I'm not."
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297
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298 *-*-*
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299
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300 Merielle woke up. It was a dreary day, one of those rainy days that
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301 left everybody
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302 restless. Kirika was one of those people. The sheets bunched up
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303 around her legs, and the
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304 blonde kicked them off irritably.
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rlm@2
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305 "Kirika?" She called out, knowing full well that she wasn't going to
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306 get a reply. The
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307 girl had probably run down to one of her favorite breakfast places.
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rlm@2
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308 And sure enough, when
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309 Mireille went to find her, she was sitting at their table, breakfast
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310 already ordered.
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rlm@2
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311 "I ordered for two."
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312 Mireille nodded, and thanked the waitress when she came back with
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313 their breakfast and
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314 the newspaper. Since they didn't accept contracts anymore and had
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315 'retired' from the assasin
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rlm@2
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316 business, Mireille had found the time to read the newspaper. Most of
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317 the time, she scoured
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318 the headlines, wondering, searching for something which never
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319 appeared.
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rlm@2
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320 "Your omelette is getting cold."
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rlm@2
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321 Mirielle put down the paper.
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rlm@2
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322 "I was wondering..." Kirika started. Mireille paused, and the russet-
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323 haired girl
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rlm@2
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324 continued. "I was wondering if, maybe, you think visiting Canada...
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325 wouldn't it be nice? I
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326 mean, there's the Niagara Falls. I heard there's always snow there,
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327 so maybe catch some
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328 skiing?"
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329 Mireille nodded, putting fork and knife down. "A vacation?"
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rlm@2
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330 "Yes."
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331 The blonde smiled, a sparkle of interest in her eyes. "You know not
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332 all parts of
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333 Canada have snow this time of year, right?"
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334 Kirika blushed. "Of course. You're teasing me."
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335 "I wouldn't dare!" Mireille laughed, and cut out a small corner of
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336 her omelette. She
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337 never used to eat breakfast.
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rlm@2
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338 "We'll have so much fun!" That child-like glee, that Mireille
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339 mirrored. Both had been
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340 deprived of most of their childhood, and now they relived it with
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341 each other. Plans were laid
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342 down, each detail was examined, equipment, money, everything was
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343 accounted for on sheets of
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344 napkin that the owner of the establishment gladly provided his
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345 customers with. It was like a
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346 grand adventure for them.
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347 Travelling to a place that didn't involve shooting at, being shot
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348 at, or other such
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349 things that lead to an unnaturally short life.
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350 "Be right back. Washroom."
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351 She walked through the door, and immediately froze.
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352 "You couldn't escape us, you know that."
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353 Kirika's mouth opened and closed, no words coming out, the coldness
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354 of the blade,
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355 pressed against her throat made her eyes water.
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rlm@2
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356 "I killed you."
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rlm@2
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357 "Well, obviously, you didn't do a good job, did you." The figure
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rlm@2
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358 murmurred
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359 humorously. "You weren't as sloppy when you killed that man in the
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360 floor below yours."
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rlm@2
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361 "How did you know...?"
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rlm@2
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362 "Merielle was right. I was watching her. But that man was innocent,
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363 you know."
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364 Her mouth went dry.
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rlm@2
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365 "No. You're dead."
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rlm@2
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366 "You're repeating yourself."
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rlm@2
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367 "No, no. I KILLED you." Kirika insisted. "You're DEAD."
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rlm@2
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368 "But I'm alive."
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369 "I could kill you again."
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370 "I'll come back." Was the malicious reply. "And I won't be as nice."
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rlm@2
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371 Kirika quavered at the tone of voice, reduced to a child again.
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rlm@2
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372 "But... I did kill
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373 you."
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374 "Fine." The person sighed, and lowered the blade. "This is a
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375 horrible nightmare that
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376 you'll never ever wake up from, Kirika. It could be a dream. Here."
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rlm@2
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377 The person handed her a gun, cold to the touch. Her gun. She knew
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378 her gun. Eyes rose
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379 to search the person's face, and they smiled reassuringly. "It's a
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380 nightmare. It doesn't make
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381 any sense. And you know, only when you've finished what you started
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rlm@2
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382 in this horrible dream,
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383 when you were just a little girl, will this end. Am I not right?"
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rlm@2
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384 "...It was beginning to be a very good dream."
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rlm@2
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385 "It was." The person nodded sagely. "For you it was. But you know
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386 what they say, 'All
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387 good things must come to an end'."
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rlm@2
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388 "Yes. Altena." Arms wrapped around her and a kiss brushed her
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389 forehead.
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rlm@2
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390 "You have things to do, Kirika."
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rlm@2
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391 It was a horrible nightmare. She couldn't control her limbs,
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392 couldn't stop herself as
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393 she checked the gun mechanically, then stalked out the door. The
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394 owner was nowhere in sight,
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395 and the light that filtered through the rain-splattered glass made
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396 everything have a horrible
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397 sickening feel to it. It was a nightmare. Just a nightmare.
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398 She walked up behind Mireille, and the blonde didn't turn around,
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rlm@2
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399 still bent over
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rlm@2
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400 those plans to Canada, talking aloud.
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rlm@2
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401 "Plane tickets, we could go get them tomorrow... actually, we could
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402 leave right away!
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rlm@2
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403 There's nothing holding us back here anymore!" Mireille still didn't
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rlm@2
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404 turn around, as she
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rlm@2
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405 laughed. "Of course, we'll have to worry about the non-existant
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406 snow..."
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rlm@2
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407 If this was all just a horrible nightmare... then if she woke up,
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408 Mireille wouldn't
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409 be real, right? So. It had to end like this. Everything would end.
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410 Or would a new nightmare
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411 just begin? She really did like this dream.
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rlm@2
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412 "Mireille?" Kirika relished how her tongue wrapped around the
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413 syllables of the
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414 blonde's name.
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rlm@2
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415 "Yes?" And Kirika loved how Mireille answered her.
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rlm@2
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416 She still didn't look back. She really should. Or maybe she
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417 shouldn't. Kirika didn't
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418 have control... not the control she wanted. She could feel HER
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419 watching...
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rlm@2
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420 "Hey... you know I... you know." That caught Kirika off-guard. "I
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421 can't say it. But
|
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422 maybe I'll say it some day, Kirika. I don't know. It seems like
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423 everytime I say those three
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424 little words to anyone, they end up dead."
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rlm@2
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425 Laughter. Mireille's laughter, and Kirika's, who sounded near
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426 hysterical. She cocked
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427 her gun, and she could see Mireille's shoulders freeze at the sound,
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rlm@2
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428 gasp at the feel of the
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429 barrel against the back of her head.
|
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rlm@2
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430 "Seems like you and I are the same." Kirika didn't know why, but
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431 tears were running
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432 down her face. "We just can't seem to keep the people we love."
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433
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rlm@2
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434 ~-~-~
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rlm@2
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435
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rlm@2
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436 OOC: SO late at night, gonna do Oedipus homework and that sucks
|
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rlm@2
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437 crap. My class is so funny.
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rlm@2
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438 We have one of those class-clown kids as Oedipus, and a Guyanese
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rlm@2
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439 girl who always kisses her
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rlm@2
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440 teeth at and give attitude to people playing Tiresias, the blind
|
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rlm@2
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441 soothsayer. So funny.
|
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rlm@2
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442 guy:...You have no power or truth. You are blind, your ears and mind
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443 as well as your eyes.
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rlm@2
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444 (The guy adds a 'haha!' at the end)
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rlm@2
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445 girl: You are a pitiful figure. These reproaches you fling at me,
|
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rlm@2
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446 all these people will fling
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rlm@2
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447 them at you--and before very long. (Add a lot of kissing teeth,
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rlm@2
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448 attitude at the 'flinging'
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rlm@2
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449 parts, and eye-rolling. So it'll look like this:)
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450 girl: You (
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