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author Robert McIntyre <rlm@mit.edu>
date Tue, 22 Jun 2010 13:42:35 -0400
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rlm@2 1 Title: The Different Path
rlm@2 2 Author: Matthias Engel aka MysticMew
rlm@2 3 Feedback: Solarsenshi@gmx.de
rlm@2 4 Status: Alpha
rlm@2 5 Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)
rlm@2 6 Rating: PG(-13) (Nothing serious, really)
rlm@2 7 Category: Romance, Darkish and Drama (at the beginning)
rlm@2 8 Pairing: Sakura/Tomoyo
rlm@2 9 Timeline: Hard to pinpoint, begins years after the manga and then...
rlm@2 10 well, you'll see.
rlm@2 11 Summary: When you realize your feelings too late, there is nothing you
rlm@2 12 can do. No force in existence can undo what is fixed in time... Or is
rlm@2 13 there?
rlm@2 14 Distribution: MSD (www.catstrio.de), Shoujo Ai.com (www.shoujoai.com),
rlm@2 15 ff.net (www.fanfiction.net), Mediaminer (www.mediaminer.org), others
rlm@2 16 may follow. If you like this fic for your story, please tell me, I'm
rlm@2 17 not likely to put stones in your way, but I like to know where it
rlm@2 18 goes.
rlm@2 19 Legal Disclaimer: This story features two females romantically
rlm@2 20 involved. If that is illegal where you are or entirely not your thing,
rlm@2 21 turn around and leave now.
rlm@2 22 Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura belongs to CLAMP and assorted
rlm@2 23 companies, I claim no right on the characters and original storyline.
rlm@2 24 Story Disclaimer: The Different Path(c)2003 by Matthias Engel
rlm@2 25
rlm@2 26 ******************************
rlm@2 27
rlm@2 28 Foreword
rlm@2 29
rlm@2 30 Hi, there. And another new fandom for me. :) It has taken me awhile to
rlm@2 31 get around and finally get into CCS. I am not sure myself anymore why
rlm@2 32 I never was interested in it before since I do love CLAMP's work (a
rlm@2 33 big Rayearth fan after all). But now I finally did read the manga (at
rlm@2 34 least a fan-translated version) and I think I am rather addicted now.
rlm@2 35 ;)
rlm@2 36 This story follows the plot of the manga. I have only seen the first
rlm@2 37 six episodes of the anime so far (local, German dub) and quite frankly
rlm@2 38 I tend to stick to the original most of the time anyway with facts.
rlm@2 39 Often anime leaves out so many important things. This is important
rlm@2 40 because there is a card in this story that I know exists in the anime
rlm@2 41 but not in the manga. Try to forget what you know about the additional
rlm@2 42 cards in the anime, it won't be the same.
rlm@2 43 Bear with me, I finished the manga recently and have read a couple of
rlm@2 44 CCS fics. Compared to my knowledge about other anime/manga, I am still
rlm@2 45 trying to get a clear grasp on the characters, their feelings and
rlm@2 46 thoughts (an aspect rather important to my style of writing), so it
rlm@2 47 might seem a little rough here and there. I hope you still like it.
rlm@2 48 This has been produced in more or less one day... if I count together
rlm@2 49 the hours. I began Friday morning and finished it later today,
rlm@2 50 Saturday. It's hard to give a clear writing time as I tend to do with
rlm@2 51 my other rare short stories since it hasn't been done in one session -
rlm@2 52 so I won't.
rlm@2 53 This might become part of a series. MIGHT.
rlm@2 54 Now enough with the intro notes. Enjoy!
rlm@2 55
rlm@2 56 ******************************
rlm@2 57
rlm@2 58 The Different Path
rlm@2 59 Based on the works of CLAMP
rlm@2 60 Story Concept by Matthias Engel
rlm@2 61
rlm@2 62 ******************************
rlm@2 63
rlm@2 64 A lone raven was steadily crowing, the sharp, barking sounds almost
rlm@2 65 like a fierce protector, a fierce protector of what lay beyond the
rlm@2 66 metal fence on which he was perched atop. His eyes were gleaming -
rlm@2 67 malevolent one might say - eying the trio in its guarded sanctuary
rlm@2 68 with wary eyes. It probably thought no less of us than the usual
rlm@2 69 disturbances that had taken a hold of not only this lonely place of
rlm@2 70 eternal rest but the entire world... and probably much more. That was
rlm@2 71 most likely of little interest to the raven as it sat, guarding, alone
rlm@2 72 but never lonely, the spirits always a detached company...
rlm@2 73 I met the ruby eyes of the raven and held his gaze for a couple
rlm@2 74 of seconds, satisfied only when the small creature nodded sharply
rlm@2 75 once, emitting a low screech, turning away once again to look out for
rlm@2 76 more... intruders. I smiled but the smile lacked emotion, bitter and
rlm@2 77 twisted, barely even a ghost of what it had once been anymore. Where
rlm@2 78 was no purpose for that smile anymore. For what would you smile if
rlm@2 79 there was nothing left?
rlm@2 80 I glanced up into the midnight sky and the angry black and
rlm@2 81 crimson-tainted clouds overshadowing every light. It had been this way
rlm@2 82 for a long time now. And ever since a few days ago, that was all the
rlm@2 83 world would ever see. Walking silently past the rows and rows of
rlm@2 84 stones, marking the resting places of those that left this world
rlm@2 85 already, I could not deny the thought that maybe those that already
rlm@2 86 left before everything started were better off. They had left in
rlm@2 87 relative peace, most of them probably content with their time spent
rlm@2 88 here. I knew that sounded rather harsh but it didn't feel particular
rlm@2 89 illogical.
rlm@2 90 I never quite liked graveyards. I think in my youth it was a mix
rlm@2 91 of the silent longing for my mother whenever we visited her grave and
rlm@2 92 the very atmosphere itself. Oniichan had forever sealed my fear of
rlm@2 93 ghosts in place. Now, years later, I still felt a tiny shudder albeit
rlm@2 94 knowing now that ghosts were not something you had to worry about -
rlm@2 95 there were far more dangerous and scarier things out there. Now,
rlm@2 96 leaving behind the neatly arranged rows of graves - the flowers
rlm@2 97 everywhere already starting to wither and die from the lack of
rlm@2 98 sunlight these days - I decided that I hated graveyards even more. I
rlm@2 99 guess I never was someone who liked to say goodbye and this place had
rlm@2 100 taken too much from me to feel even neutral about it.
rlm@2 101 I passed by my parents' graves, side by side, stopping for a
rlm@2 102 moment to pay my respect and make sure that Flower's magic was still
rlm@2 103 working. Continuing on I did the same with Touya's. Glancing to the
rlm@2 104 side my more or less monotone features softened into an expression of
rlm@2 105 compassion. Yue stood in silence, not moving, as if in prayer. Maybe
rlm@2 106 he was, I couldn't quite tell.
rlm@2 107 Quietly slipping past him I went to the end of the row, two
rlm@2 108 beautifully decorated tombstones were left, sustained by magic and
rlm@2 109 protect from the darkness engulfing the world, like a tiny spot of
rlm@2 110 light in an ocean of shadows...
rlm@2 111
rlm@2 112 Syaoran Li
rlm@2 113 1982 - 2001
rlm@2 114 Brave and courageous, he protected his loved ones until the end.
rlm@2 115
rlm@2 116 A spot of light that in the end wasn't much more than an echo,
rlm@2 117 just like the light of the distant stars that reached us was an echo
rlm@2 118 of a long time ago. You can see but you can't reach for it, because
rlm@2 119 the moment you do, you only realize it is long gone already.
rlm@2 120
rlm@2 121 Daidouji Tomoyo
rlm@2 122 1982 - 2001
rlm@2 123
rlm@2 124 A light in the darkness, always there, always giving. She was
rlm@2 125 our heart, taking the burdens we could not. Her rest shall be
rlm@2 126 peaceful, for if anyone, she deserves it most.
rlm@2 127 A tear slipped past my eyelids, down my cheeks, before dropping
rlm@2 128 to the ground at my feet unhindered. I thought I'd lost the ability to
rlm@2 129 cry long ago, the endless pool finally drained dry. Yet, it still
rlm@2 130 wasn't enough. The human heart was not made for that kind of torture,
rlm@2 131 especially not such a young one, I mused. I could feel it even now,
rlm@2 132 the soundless cry, like a crescendo bubbling to the surface to be
rlm@2 133 finally released without sound because sound was incapable of doing
rlm@2 134 the emotions inside justice.
rlm@2 135 For days I had cried myself to sleep afterwards, asking myself,
rlm@2 136 wondering where it had gone wrong, what we had done to deserve this.
rlm@2 137 Nothing, I suppose. We were all just pawns in the big game after all.
rlm@2 138 It was our fate. Everything would surely be alright... as long as it
rlm@2 139 was convenient.
rlm@2 140 I knelt down to trace the letters on the cold... dead... stone.
rlm@2 141 One after another. Every word bringing a new emotion, a new memory. I
rlm@2 142 let them wash over me. Years spend so innocently, without care,
rlm@2 143 without the knowledge that everything would eventually be gone, far
rlm@2 144 sooner than we could ever imagine. I had been so naïve back then. A
rlm@2 145 part of me didn't want to regret it, but another part was filled with
rlm@2 146 immeasurable guilt of the decisions I made so totally in disregard of
rlm@2 147 the effect they had for those around me. These last nights I had
rlm@2 148 contemplated, theorized what I could have done. But in the end, there
rlm@2 149 was no simple solution. Even if I had known back then, I would have
rlm@2 150 had to make a decision, people I cared about would still be hurt. It
rlm@2 151 would just have been... a different path.
rlm@2 152 A happier path?
rlm@2 153 I didn't know. Even though the situation called for it lately, I
rlm@2 154 never invoked the power to see the future. If I had known, I was sure,
rlm@2 155 it would have been far more brutal. Clow had known his own death and
rlm@2 156 could do nothing about it. Knowing the future was not the same as
rlm@2 157 standing above it, of being untouchable. You could know everything but
rlm@2 158 in the end, you also knew it would happen this way or another. And
rlm@2 159 knowing that and being unable to do anything about it had to hurt far
rlm@2 160 worse.
rlm@2 161 Losing Syaoran and Tomoyo had been the most painful thing that
rlm@2 162 ever happened to me. I was sure I would follow them soon enough, but
rlm@2 163 now a different option had presented itself and I clung to it with the
rlm@2 164 same fierce determination that had sparked me, driven me onwards in
rlm@2 165 capturing the Clow Cards as a child, the same determination that
rlm@2 166 fueled every remotely important task in my life. I thought I lost it
rlm@2 167 and maybe that was true in some sense. The feeling now was...
rlm@2 168 different. Tainted, desperate. It wasn't the kind of belief anymore
rlm@2 169 that everything would be alright because I wished it to be. This
rlm@2 170 feeling was far more... radical I suppose is the best way. I would
rlm@2 171 make everything alright, no matter the cost.
rlm@2 172 All that was left now was to make a choice. Then again, maybe it
rlm@2 173 wasn't as much a choice anymore as it had become a decision already. I
rlm@2 174 never thought I'd ever be forced to choose between them and ironically
rlm@2 175 I never had to until now. But now it was inevitable... as was the
rlm@2 176 decision I made.
rlm@2 177 Standing up, I fingered the tiny key chain and unclasped it from
rlm@2 178 around my neck. "I'm sorry, Kerberos, Yue," I said softly as I turned
rlm@2 179 away from the graves to face them. The two guardians looked at me
rlm@2 180 startled, not quite understanding. I expected as much. Yue seemed
rlm@2 181 impassive as he studied me, but he had turned away from Touya's grave
rlm@2 182 to face me, silently trying to perceive the nature of my words.
rlm@2 183 Kero-chan floated in place for a moment, obviously not quite sure how
rlm@2 184 to react. He was confused, that much I could tell. I was never any
rlm@2 185 good with reading emotions but I was sure he had to be wondering why I
rlm@2 186 would apologize.
rlm@2 187 Well, he would know soon.
rlm@2 188 The tiny key flared in my hands. I didn't bother to call its
rlm@2 189 power just yet. "Light, Dark," I said in a firmer voice, "come forth."
rlm@2 190 Two cards appeared in the air before me. One exploding into bright,
rlm@2 191 yet soft light and the other into dark, calming darkness, before both
rlm@2 192 formed tiny, sprite-like figures, female in nature - though I never
rlm@2 193 quite asked if they really HAD a gender.
rlm@2 194 The two souls of the cards knelt on one knee, heads bowed for a
rlm@2 195 moment before glancing up to regard me respectfully with a compassion
rlm@2 196 that always managed to warm my heart even in the darkest hour. They
rlm@2 197 were bound to my heart, I knew as much. From all the cards, Light and
rlm@2 198 Dark were closest to me. That is why I almost expected them to know
rlm@2 199 the reason of their summon.
rlm@2 200 "What do you wish of us, Mistress?" Light asked in a musical
rlm@2 201 tone that was comforting but sad at the same time. They knew what was
rlm@2 202 going on inside me, I was sure of that. They always seemed to know my
rlm@2 203 heart, probably better than I did myself. The turmoil in my heart and
rlm@2 204 soul seemed to be as evident to the two sprites as if it was the most
rlm@2 205 simple thing in the world. They never told me though, making sure that
rlm@2 206 I realized my own feelings rather than making the decisions for me.
rlm@2 207 That was for my best, I knew, but still I wished they would have
rlm@2 208 helped me realize one thing earlier. Maybe I could have at least
rlm@2 209 changed that tiny, yet so important aspect of our lives.
rlm@2 210 The graveyard was enveloped in silence, even the crow had
rlm@2 211 stopped its shrill voice filling the area in almost periodically
rlm@2 212 fashion.
rlm@2 213 "Take me to Time."
rlm@2 214 And the words shattered the silence like a thunderclap that had
rlm@2 215 split Earth itself apart. Agitated the lone graveyard's guardian began
rlm@2 216 crowing violently as if somehow completely understanding the impact of
rlm@2 217 these words. I could swear Yue almost tumbled backwards, his eyes
rlm@2 218 flashing in fearful understanding and... I didn't know, I was never
rlm@2 219 really good with emotions, after all.
rlm@2 220 Kero-chan on the other hand was ready to explode, a myriad of
rlm@2 221 emotion playing over his tiny face I didn't even try to categorize. He
rlm@2 222 opened his mouth to speak, probably a lecture already on his lips, but
rlm@2 223 closed it again at the desperately pleading look I send him. I could
rlm@2 224 see a silent war going on inside of him and it was showing outside as
rlm@2 225 well in the tremors shaking the tiny body.
rlm@2 226 "How do you know about...?" Yue trailed off, his voice with a
rlm@2 227 note of anguish. Surely this had to seem like a déjà vu to him. Just
rlm@2 228 like Clow, now me. The circumstances were different but in the end
rlm@2 229 he... they would lose me as they lost their previous master.
rlm@2 230 I had a dream last night. I hadn't had prophetic dreams in quite
rlm@2 231 some time, not even when the true horror begun. The dream hadn't been
rlm@2 232 really prophetic either, more like a revelation, the key to a door,
rlm@2 233 the last door, the final way out. A tempting way, wrought with more
rlm@2 234 perils and hardships as seemed to be worth the trouble. But there was
rlm@2 235 nothing left that would make it a risk. This WAS my last chance.
rlm@2 236 That is not what I said, I don't think the how really mattered
rlm@2 237 to them anyway. Instead I focused on the two sprites again, wishing
rlm@2 238 that I wouldn't have to explain my reasoning. I had never seen them as
rlm@2 239 startled and frightened before which left me to believe that they
rlm@2 240 hadn't exactly known my intent after all. But even though they didn't
rlm@2 241 know the intent, the reasoning behind it was not lost on them. And
rlm@2 242 while they denied me a lot of things they believed not to be in favor
rlm@2 243 of my happiness, there was not a sliver of resistance now, as they
rlm@2 244 spoke as one, "As you wish, Mistress."
rlm@2 245 I felt the power swirling around me. A beautiful twilight
rlm@2 246 wrapping me in a cocoon. Reality was being bend all around me as
rlm@2 247 ancient seals and powerful wards were unlocked by the duo's powers. It
rlm@2 248 was as my dream had told me. Alone I would have never been able to
rlm@2 249 break through, only Light and Dark held the key.
rlm@2 250 "Wait, let me go with you!" I heard Kero-chan shouting as the
rlm@2 251 world slowly faded out around me.
rlm@2 252 "I will go as well!" added Yue fiercely.
rlm@2 253 I smiled, sadness and joy mingling. They had been so loyal to
rlm@2 254 me. Especially Yue who had always seemed to regret choosing a new
rlm@2 255 master albeit caring a lot about me. They had always been by my side,
rlm@2 256 supporting me, no matter what. That was why I couldn't accept that
rlm@2 257 offer.
rlm@2 258 "I'm sorry, Kerberos, Yue. The consequences would be to dire for
rlm@2 259 anyone else to experience." I looked at them through the haze of now
rlm@2 260 multi-colored light and managed - for a tiny moment - to bring
rlm@2 261 conviction to the smile in my face as I wiped away a tear from my
rlm@2 262 face. "Don't worry," I almost whispered, "everything will surely be
rlm@2 263 alright."
rlm@2 264
rlm@2 265 ******************************
rlm@2 266
rlm@2 267 The shift was rather swift and I was surprised by how gentle the
rlm@2 268 method of transport had been. Somehow, from the importance indicated
rlm@2 269 by the heavy warding I had felt, I had expected a far rougher ride
rlm@2 270 than that. Opening my eyes I mused that one without magic sight or
rlm@2 271 senses would probably think they were still... in-between. But I could
rlm@2 272 tell we had long left the pathway to this ancient chamber where one of
rlm@2 273 the most powerful forces lay hidden, concealed, sealed so that it
rlm@2 274 could never be used by anyone or anything. The repercussions were far
rlm@2 275 too dangerous.
rlm@2 276 "Are you certain that is what you wish," asked Light, her voice
rlm@2 277 thick with emotion as she stared ahead into the swirl of colors that
rlm@2 278 seemed to be everywhere, making up every tiny inch of the chamber. I
rlm@2 279 could feel the edges but I couldn't quite perceive it.
rlm@2 280 "Even Clow deemed Time to dangerous to ever be used," Dark added
rlm@2 281 softly. "He couldn't destroy the card after creating it, so he sealed
rlm@2 282 it away." Dark turned to me and put a hand on my shoulder. Her eyes
rlm@2 283 were unusually thick with emotion. "Even if you are stronger than he
rlm@2 284 ever was, there is no guarantee your wish will be granted. Time will
rlm@2 285 choose whether to obey or not. You cannot force it."
rlm@2 286 I smiled ruefully. "If all that I've done so far was not enough
rlm@2 287 to prepare me for this moment, then I have no right to be your
rlm@2 288 Mistress." Closing my eyes, I held onto a single image from not long
rlm@2 289 ago, the one thing that motivated me to do this, that left me no
rlm@2 290 choice in the matter. "She's always believed in me," I said quietly.
rlm@2 291 "They all did. I will put this right. I HAVE TO put this right. If it
rlm@2 292 means sacrificing myself in the process, so be it."
rlm@2 293 I felt Dark pull away and opened my eyes to see her join Light a
rlm@2 294 few steps ahead. "Very well," her opposite said and I could swear I
rlm@2 295 saw a few tears glitter in her eyes. A small pang in my heart made me
rlm@2 296 shudder. They loved me so much. Not out of respect or fear of my power
rlm@2 297 as with Clow, but because I had always treated them as friends. They
rlm@2 298 felt my sadness, my anguish at the loss I experienced and even more
rlm@2 299 so... I knew without a doubt that they would support my decision
rlm@2 300 without hesitation. This would be my biggest challenge. But I wasn't
rlm@2 301 completely alone after all.
rlm@2 302 Suddenly the kaleidoscope of colors seemed to shift and then
rlm@2 303 parted, like a giant veil pulled back. My senses flared violently,
rlm@2 304 overloaded with the onslaught of reactions, the enormous power I felt
rlm@2 305 from the presence floating in midair before me was hard to actually
rlm@2 306 grasp. I could feel the magic radiating with a magnificence in which
rlm@2 307 even Light and Dark, even Kerberors and Yue, simply paled.
rlm@2 308 Firming my resolve I stepped forward, the key still clasped in
rlm@2 309 my right hand floated upwards over my outstretched palm. An almost
rlm@2 310 eerie calm began to settle in my heart and even when the sprite-like
rlm@2 311 figure above me turned a challenging gaze towards me, I only shortly
rlm@2 312 stilled to return the gaze. We both knew why I was here and we both
rlm@2 313 knew that I would not turn back now.
rlm@2 314 "Key," I started to chant the familiar phrase, my voice firm and
rlm@2 315 strong, "that hides the power of the stars! Reveal your true power to
rlm@2 316 me! I, Sakura, command you by contract! RELEASE!"
rlm@2 317 With a flare of power the key expanded, grew in size until it
rlm@2 318 became a staff longer than myself, a golden star rested on top of it.
rlm@2 319 I could feel the magic running through it. If there was one thing that
rlm@2 320 I had really gotten good at over the years, then it was mastering the
rlm@2 321 power inside of myself. Yet it had not been enough at the moment it
rlm@2 322 mattered. This time I would succeed though. I would not fail, I could
rlm@2 323 not fail. I had to succeed!
rlm@2 324 Time didn't bother asking questions or trying to scare me away.
rlm@2 325 I barely had time to erect a defense but felt it torn to pieces by
rlm@2 326 forces far beyond my comprehension. I staggered as my whole body was
rlm@2 327 assaulted by waves of temporal magic, threatening to literally tear me
rlm@2 328 apart. I sank to one knee, stunned, grasping tightly onto the staff.
rlm@2 329 It was hard to concentrate, hard to form a plan of attack. How could I
rlm@2 330 have been so foolish? I should have made a plan, I should have
rlm@2 331 anticipated that Time couldn't be beaten by willpower alone. Time was
rlm@2 332 a force nearly untouchable. What could the worldly elements at my
rlm@2 333 disposal do against it?
rlm@2 334 Memories began crashing into my mind, too many to count or pick
rlm@2 335 out a single one. Fond memories, sad memories, happy times, hard
rlm@2 336 times. One moment though stood out like a brightly-lit Tokyo Tower
rlm@2 337 over nighttime Tokyo. Tomoyo in my arms, dying. Syaoran was already
rlm@2 338 gone, protecting us heroically but at the end even that was in vain. I
rlm@2 339 hadn't had much time to grief for him but the memory still stung
rlm@2 340 painfully, yet the memory of Tomoyo was simply overwhelming because
rlm@2 341 too many emotions were caught up in it.
rlm@2 342 *I am glad to die in Sakura's arms...*
rlm@2 343 I hadn't been quite sure if I had really heard those words at
rlm@2 344 first because the shock was too big and my disbelief to great.
rlm@2 345 However, they had been there. And it had been that moment I
rlm@2 346 understood. It had been that moment I understood everything. The
rlm@2 347 realization had slammed into me like a bullet train at full speed and
rlm@2 348 it HURT. Kami-sama, it still hurt and would never stop hurting. My
rlm@2 349 mind had been weighed down and drowned by the feelings of shame and
rlm@2 350 guilt, the terrible injustice I had done my best friend. I had been
rlm@2 351 ignorant, even when I grew up, I never saw it.
rlm@2 352 Maybe I never wanted to see it. Tomoyo continued giving and
rlm@2 353 giving. I knew something was bothering her but she'd never let me
rlm@2 354 know, always brushed it aside. And what had I done? I had lived out my
rlm@2 355 fairytale - that Tomoyo had so carefully helped crafting - right in
rlm@2 356 front of her eyes. Whenever I had a problem with Syaoran I went to
rlm@2 357 her, not knowing what I did to her. Yes, she wanted me happy and
rlm@2 358 sincerely thought I was. I wasn't even disagreeing. I was happy. I
rlm@2 359 loved Syaoron. But was that fair to Tomoyo? Was it even necessary to
rlm@2 360 ask that question?
rlm@2 361 I could not give up! I had to make this right again!
rlm@2 362 The pressure began to dim and my eyes snapped open. All the
rlm@2 363 Sakura Cards were surrounding me in a circle, even Light and Dark had
rlm@2 364 joined them again. They were struggling to hold Time's power back and
rlm@2 365 I could feel their struggle but also their souls joining with mine,
rlm@2 366 fueling my determination as much as they shared my pain. Struggling to
rlm@2 367 stand again, I focused my will, staring up at Time who impassively
rlm@2 368 stared back, yet there was something... expectant.
rlm@2 369 *Time cannot be forced.*
rlm@2 370 Did that mean the card had to willingly choose to grant my
rlm@2 371 request? How was I supposed to do that? Was there some key? Some
rlm@2 372 particular aspect that needed to be met? Was it even worth pondering?
rlm@2 373 I had made my decision and I would go through with it. I was the
rlm@2 374 strongest mage in the world, I had to be able to do it!
rlm@2 375 "Everything will surely be alright."
rlm@2 376 That was my magic phrase. However, it had been Tomoyo who had
rlm@2 377 fueled it. It was ironic actually. Only now that she was gone, I
rlm@2 378 realized that it held little meaning without her here. How could
rlm@2 379 everything be alright with Tomoyo gone? That had been another of the
rlm@2 380 bittersweet realizations at that moment when I held her dying form in
rlm@2 381 my arms. I did love Syaroan, Tomoyo hadn't been wrong there. However,
rlm@2 382 she had made one crucial mistake. I did love her too. Not as a best
rlm@2 383 friend but more. I needed her to be there, support me whenever I
rlm@2 384 needed it. And I could always count on her to actually be there. Even
rlm@2 385 after the engagement was official and the wedding announced, she still
rlm@2 386 staid. Regardless of how it must have pained her.
rlm@2 387 Yet, while I loved Syaroan, there was simply no way he could
rlm@2 388 compare to Tomoyo. No, I didn't mean that I loved him less because I
rlm@2 389 certainly didn't. The feelings for the two of them were different and
rlm@2 390 couldn't just be compared. However, there was one thing that set them
rlm@2 391 apart. While I loved Syaroan and he loved me, he didn't need me.
rlm@2 392 Tomoyo did need me. And - as bitter as it sounded - I didn't need
rlm@2 393 Syaoran nearly as much as I needed Tomoyo. I never wanted to make a
rlm@2 394 choice between them, however, this simple and at the same time
rlm@2 395 astonishing realization made it all so much easier this morning, when
rlm@2 396 I made my decision after the dream. It was hard and I wished I
rlm@2 397 wouldn't have to, yet there was only that one path to take now.
rlm@2 398 The different path.
rlm@2 399 This would hurt people, it would hurt Syaoran and it hurt me
rlm@2 400 already to do this to him. However, there simply was no other
rlm@2 401 alternative. I could try to do it all again, preventing their deaths,
rlm@2 402 but that wasn't fair to them either. Especially not to Tomoyo. She
rlm@2 403 would continue to give and give, completely missing in her selfless
rlm@2 404 love the one possibility that her own happiness might have had a
rlm@2 405 chance to be fulfilled in the process.
rlm@2 406 A memory of Tomoyo with a look of utter faith in her eyes,
rlm@2 407 telling me that she knew I would always be there to save her, flashed
rlm@2 408 through my mind.
rlm@2 409 Rooting my wand firmly into the ground, I stood unyielding
rlm@2 410 against the magical storm of temporal energy around the circle of
rlm@2 411 cards. I didn't need words now. Without a single command uttered the
rlm@2 412 cards spread out. The non-element cards formed a wider outer circle.
rlm@2 413 Woody, Earthy, Fiery, Windy and Watery positioned themselves at the
rlm@2 414 edges of the outer ring, thin lines of magic binding them together in
rlm@2 415 a five-pointed star. Finally Light and Dark settled to my left and
rlm@2 416 right, completing the perfect circle.
rlm@2 417 A white flare of magic engulfed the circle and expanded, pushing
rlm@2 418 back against the enormous energies as I stared up at Time, trying to
rlm@2 419 focus all my feelings in one last action. I wouldn't need more. Just
rlm@2 420 this one thing. I had been so selfish already in my life, especially
rlm@2 421 compared to Tomoyo. This wasn't for me. This was for her. I needed to
rlm@2 422 set this right, to give back the happiness I had so carelessly taken
rlm@2 423 without ever asking for the price.
rlm@2 424 "RETURN TO YOUR ORIGINAL FORM..."
rlm@2 425 The star on the wand flared brighter than I've ever seen it do
rlm@2 426 before. Time had been always in motion ever since I laid my eyes on
rlm@2 427 it, flowing through shapes, positions, ages... Now it stilled for a
rlm@2 428 short moment, purple eyes gazing at me in now unconcealed expectation.
rlm@2 429 "And grant me this one wish," I whispered even though my voice
rlm@2 430 still echoed clear and loud in the surreal chamber.
rlm@2 431 "CLOW CARD!"
rlm@2 432 White and golden light mingled, turning into a thick pillar of
rlm@2 433 magical energy as I thrust my staff upwards, the wand touching the
rlm@2 434 sprite form of the card. I closed my eyes at the brightness of the
rlm@2 435 light and so I could only hear the whisper, like the wind rustling
rlm@2 436 through leaves or water gently flowing in a lake, yet as vivid and
rlm@2 437 passionate as an inferno of flames or as shattering as an earthquake.
rlm@2 438 "Granted."
rlm@2 439 And then everything fell into darkness.
rlm@2 440
rlm@2 441 ******************************
rlm@2 442
rlm@2 443 Gradually I became aware of sounds and other sensations around
rlm@2 444 me. My head was still spinning as if I was on a sugar overdose or
rlm@2 445 something. There was the soft, somewhat familiar ticking sound of a
rlm@2 446 clock and the light in the room was still rather dim, so it had to be
rlm@2 447 early morning, probably before dawn. I was sitting on the ground for
rlm@2 448 some reason and my body felt stiff, tired and something was really off
rlm@2 449 about it...
rlm@2 450 I blinked my eyes slowly, channeling a bit of magic to relieve
rlm@2 451 the fuzziness in my mind enough to get my bearings.
rlm@2 452 My room.
rlm@2 453 My old room.
rlm@2 454 I glanced down at myself, noticing an almost finished teddy in
rlm@2 455 my tiny hands.
rlm@2 456 Oh.
rlm@2 457 Well, I guess it worked. I was baffled though why exactly I
rlm@2 458 actually... remembered. My initial plan had been to move back to that
rlm@2 459 moment and act as something like a... guide for my younger self. Then
rlm@2 460 again, I have no idea how time travel really is supposed to work - and
rlm@2 461 there probably are not many people you can ask about it. Also, I knew
rlm@2 462 there would be consequences - this might be just one of them - and I
rlm@2 463 had learned that every Clow Card had had a different idea of how to
rlm@2 464 use their magic in their own special way.
rlm@2 465 It... worked.
rlm@2 466 The realization came a bit slowly. My mind still a little
rlm@2 467 detached as the reality sank in. A soft smile tugged at my lips.
rlm@2 468 It really did work!
rlm@2 469 Alright, maybe not exactly as I planned but... I had been given
rlm@2 470 a second chance.
rlm@2 471 "Sakura?"
rlm@2 472 I whipped my head around and saw Kero floating behind me a
rlm@2 473 little uncertainly. He must have sensed something was off, probably
rlm@2 474 the card's magic. As if on cue, there was a burst of light in front of
rlm@2 475 me, startling Kero and making me look back. It was the Clow Card that
rlm@2 476 fell out of midair into my waiting hands. Well, a Sakura Card now. The
rlm@2 477 design had changed. I hadn't even tried to transform it but judged by
rlm@2 478 the amount of magic I put into it...
rlm@2 479 "Sakura?" Kero floated over my shoulder, looked down at the card
rlm@2 480 and almost fainted.
rlm@2 481
rlm@2 482 ******************************
rlm@2 483
rlm@2 484 I'm not sure how long I stood there, letting my mind drift. I
rlm@2 485 had barely ever seen Tomoyo practice since choir and cheerleading
rlm@2 486 clubs usually crossed and also later in Junior High and High School I
rlm@2 487 never really seemed to manage. I decided that was a real shame and
rlm@2 488 from now on I would make it a habit whenever I could find the time.
rlm@2 489 Entering the music hall of our school I had stopped, nearly freezing
rlm@2 490 in the doorframe before remembering to close the door behind me in
rlm@2 491 order to not disturb the practice. I had come in right in the middle
rlm@2 492 of a slow, almost melancholic song and my eyes had sought out Tomoyo
rlm@2 493 like a moth drawn to the flame.
rlm@2 494 It had only been a couple of days in my old time that I lost her
rlm@2 495 and Syaoran but it felt like a small eternity. I had always known that
rlm@2 496 Tomoyo was flat out beautiful and thought it a shame that she didn't
rlm@2 497 seem to have many suitors or always kindly refused them - due to
rlm@2 498 reasons I was to blind to see. But God forgive me, she is gorgeous.
rlm@2 499 Even now as a child the sight was breathtaking and somewhat ethereal.
rlm@2 500 It didn't seem to be normal for such an angel to walk among us.
rlm@2 501 And her voice, her voice. I had always loved her singing.
rlm@2 502 Whether it was a slow, emotional song or something faster, more...
rlm@2 503 vivid, Tomoyo somehow managed to meet the expectations perfectly.
rlm@2 504 It was becoming a torture. I wanted to close my eyes and lose
rlm@2 505 myself in the music, in the sweet voice of my best friend... and now
rlm@2 506 suddenly so much more. Yet, I could not bring my eyes to leave her
rlm@2 507 form for a single moment. I wondered if my reaction was a little silly
rlm@2 508 but discarded the thought quickly. It had been living hell without
rlm@2 509 Syaoran and Tomoyo there the last days.
rlm@2 510 Speaking to Syaoran had been painful. At least I didn't have
rlm@2 511 trouble with getting to him at the last possible second this time.
rlm@2 512 What Kero-chan had told me a couple of years ago - relatively seen of
rlm@2 513 course - was proving to be true. The strength of one's magic was bound
rlm@2 514 to the spirit, the heart, and was fueled by the soul. The transition
rlm@2 515 into this younger body would probably only have the side effects that
rlm@2 516 my body would have to accustom to the strain of channeling the kind of
rlm@2 517 magic I had developed over the years.
rlm@2 518 Syaroan had been... understanding. Hurt... no, disappointed, but
rlm@2 519 still understanding. I'm not sure if he knew about Tomoyo's feelings
rlm@2 520 but considering how much everyone around me seemed to know such things
rlm@2 521 before I could even begin to suspect something was there, I thought it
rlm@2 522 a distant possibility. Saying "no" was still difficult to do because I
rlm@2 523 hated to lie, I didn't even really lie to him. All that I could say
rlm@2 524 was that I did love him but that there was someone else who I loved
rlm@2 525 equally and who needed me more. We had promised to stay in contact and
rlm@2 526 that was it. I would always treasure the memories of the future that I
rlm@2 527 left behind, the times spent together, but I had made my decision. I
rlm@2 528 had been living out most of my fairytale and I couldn't help but think
rlm@2 529 it selfish after the recent events and after realizing Tomoyo's
rlm@2 530 feelings. This time I vowed to be the selfless one.
rlm@2 531 Tomoyo had been so lost in singing that now, nearing the end of
rlm@2 532 the song, she almost stumbled over a note as her gaze briefly gazed
rlm@2 533 up. Her blue eyes briefly blinked in wonder - probably wondering why I
rlm@2 534 was here and not at the bus station, seeing Syaroan off. I held her
rlm@2 535 gaze until the final lyrics were sung. For once I could clearly read
rlm@2 536 Tomoyo. She was confused. Usually she always had been able to read me
rlm@2 537 like a book. However, now Tomoyo had virtually no idea what was going
rlm@2 538 on. I had to suppress a giggle.
rlm@2 539 The song ended and a pause was called, giving me the opportunity
rlm@2 540 I waited for. Waiting by the door, I followed Tomoyo's every step as
rlm@2 541 she slowly approached my position. I admit I was a little nervous,
rlm@2 542 tiny butterflies were doing flip flops in my stomach but I managed to
rlm@2 543 control my nervousness. This is why I had begun this after all. To set
rlm@2 544 things right. Time had granted me the opportunity, now it was up to me
rlm@2 545 to use it. But had I really interpreted all this right? What if I
rlm@2 546 ended up making a terrible mistake and once again totally understood
rlm@2 547 someone's feelings for what they were not? What if Tomoyo really just
rlm@2 548 loved me as a devoted friend? What if...?
rlm@2 549 Gah! Get a grip, girl!
rlm@2 550 I couldn't have been wrong. I never felt so completely sure
rlm@2 551 about something. Besides, even if for some weird reason I had
rlm@2 552 misjudged the other girl's feelings, I wasn't doing this out of pity.
rlm@2 553 I would NEVER do that to anyone. Tomoyo wouldn't want that and I
rlm@2 554 didn't think I could live a lie. This decision was based on the
rlm@2 555 newfound knowledge just as much as on my own jumbled feelings that had
rlm@2 556 finally began to make sense even to my usually dense mind. It had
rlm@2 557 taken losing Tomoyo but I did understand now and Tomoyo was here. So,
rlm@2 558 even if I had gotten her feelings wrong, I would love her nonetheless,
rlm@2 559 unconditionally. Even if I had to be a selfless, supporting friend.
rlm@2 560 Because that is what she had been to me all this time and she deserved
rlm@2 561 no less from me now.
rlm@2 562 Mind and heart set, I pushed away from the wall, to meet the
rlm@2 563 lavender-haired girl who still wore an expression of extreme
rlm@2 564 puzzlement. But now there was also worry and something else I couldn't
rlm@2 565 quite decipher.
rlm@2 566 "Sakura-chan?" Tomoyo asked tentatively, sounding as if she
rlm@2 567 wasn't sure if it was really me. Then it hit me. She wasn't sure. As I
rlm@2 568 said before Tomoyo always seemed to know me better than I did myself
rlm@2 569 and she must have noticed the change. Physically I might still have
rlm@2 570 been a ten-year old but mentally...
rlm@2 571 I met her eyes again, not bothering to try and hold back
rlm@2 572 anymore. A moment of silence followed, neither daring to broach the
rlm@2 573 subject. I was certain she knew that despite the difference I still
rlm@2 574 was Sakura, otherwise she would have said so already. Finally Tomoyo's
rlm@2 575 gaze turned worried again. "Did you see Li-kun? I tried to call you
rlm@2 576 but..."
rlm@2 577 "I did," I said simply.
rlm@2 578 Tomoyo smiled that sweet smile of hers that with what I knew now
rlm@2 579 left me wondering how much of it was fake and how much genuine. She
rlm@2 580 was still a kid but even at this age Tomoyo always had been mature far
rlm@2 581 beyond her years. "I'm glad. So, did you tell him your feelings?"
rlm@2 582 "I did," I answered again. Taking a deep breath I stepped a
rlm@2 583 little closer to the other girl, my hands still hid behind my back, so
rlm@2 584 that the young heiress couldn't see what I was holding. "And I do love
rlm@2 585 him." Tomoyo's smile faltered for a very, very tiny moment. I would
rlm@2 586 have never seen it if I hadn't known what to look for. I was certain
rlm@2 587 now. "But there's someone I love just as much and who needs me more
rlm@2 588 than he does."
rlm@2 589 Tomoyo tilted her head, again looking confused, there was a
rlm@2 590 glimmer of... hope in her eyes but it instantly vanished again. Well,
rlm@2 591 not for long, I would make sure of that. "Who's that?"
rlm@2 592 Ah, I didn't know that my friend could be so cute when she was
rlm@2 593 baffled about something. Probably because I had rarely ever seen her
rlm@2 594 like this. She almost never was surprised by anything. I smiled at
rlm@2 595 her, for the first time in days - maybe even weeks or months - a
rlm@2 596 radiant smile was brought to my lips and it was all directed at
rlm@2 597 Tomoyo. I could swear the other girl nearly fainted. "You see," I
rlm@2 598 continued, wishing nothing more than to plunge ahead and confess but
rlm@2 599 needing to clear this up, "if it comes down to it, it hurt knowing
rlm@2 600 that Syaoran-kun left but both of us eventually can live without the
rlm@2 601 other. Syaoran doesn't necessarily need me to give his life meaning
rlm@2 602 and neither do I need him for that. However," I fixed the girl in
rlm@2 603 front of me with an intent gaze, "I don't think I can live without
rlm@2 604 you. Can you?"
rlm@2 605 Tomoyo's voice was thick with emotion and I could see tears
rlm@2 606 glistering in her eyes, a rather rare thing but I was certain they
rlm@2 607 were more joyful than sad. "What... What do you mean?" she whispered
rlm@2 608 softly.
rlm@2 609 Finally bringing around my hands I held out the neatly-crafted
rlm@2 610 bear to her. My skills in sewing had improved a little and so I had
rlm@2 611 found it easier to finish it... not to mention I did it a lot faster,
rlm@2 612 leaving me enough time to talk to Syaroan and get here. Trying to
rlm@2 613 convey all the honesty and emotion that I had tried to understand for
rlm@2 614 so long and now finally did, I answered earnestly. "It means I decided
rlm@2 615 that I want you to be my special person, Tomoyo-chan."
rlm@2 616 For a long moment the other girl just stood there, stunned and
rlm@2 617 lost for words. When she finally reached out to take the bear from my
rlm@2 618 hands, her own hands were trembling and I felt myself almost drowning
rlm@2 619 in the swirl of blue eyes, moist with tears, resembling a whirlpool of
rlm@2 620 emotions. I have never seen such joy in my friend's eyes. Not once.
rlm@2 621 "Can... Can I name it Sakura?"
rlm@2 622 I smiled at her warmly. "No, you can't. I insist on it." And
rlm@2 623 with that I stepped forward, nearly crushing my new namesake as I
rlm@2 624 enveloped Tomoyo in a crushing embrace, full of all the love, the
rlm@2 625 intensity of how much I had missed her. It was a little awkward for me
rlm@2 626 at first since I was still trying to get used to being ten years again
rlm@2 627 but I quickly relaxed in the close contact, cherishing the relief and
rlm@2 628 the incredible joy crashing through me like a tidal wave.
rlm@2 629 "I love you, Tomoyo-chan," I whispered, my head buried in the
rlm@2 630 silky, lavender hair I had always adored and envied a little.
rlm@2 631 Tomoyo sniffled a few times before she managed to reply. "I love
rlm@2 632 you, too. Even if you are not exactly my Sakura-chan."
rlm@2 633 I smiled faintly and a bit rueful, pushing her away gently to
rlm@2 634 hold her on arm's length. Making sure she was looking at me, I softly
rlm@2 635 said, "I am your Sakura. A bit older than I should probably be, but
rlm@2 636 being here with you makes me happier than I have been in a long time.
rlm@2 637 Because of you, I can smile again. You are right, I am not totally the
rlm@2 638 innocent girl you knew anymore but one thing I will always be..."
rlm@2 639 Leaning forward I planted a feather-light peck on the lips of a
rlm@2 640 pleasantly surprised Tomoyo who looked like she was going to light the
rlm@2 641 entire building soon, judged by the bright glow of utter bliss in her
rlm@2 642 face. I knew more wouldn't seem quite right. We were still kids,
rlm@2 643 physically, after all. "I will always be yours, as long as you want to
rlm@2 644 have me and even if you don't."
rlm@2 645 This time it was Tomoyo who pulled me into a hug without meeting
rlm@2 646 much resistance. "I will always be yours as well. I never doubted you
rlm@2 647 were Sakura and in the end it doesn't matter that you are a little
rlm@2 648 different. I love everything about you, that never has been a
rlm@2 649 question. Younger or older, it doesn't matter."
rlm@2 650 We stood there, right next to the door, locked in a tight
rlm@2 651 embrace, not caring about the world around us or the stares of some of
rlm@2 652 the other students. It didn't matter right now. Our hearts were one
rlm@2 653 for this timeless moment, finally at peace and where they always
rlm@2 654 longed to be. Yes, my decision had been the right one after all. I
rlm@2 655 hadn't lied to Tomoyo either. I knew that with her by my side, I could
rlm@2 656 gain back some of the innocence and freedom of my youth and with time
rlm@2 657 the memories of the last days would dwindle to nothing more than a
rlm@2 658 long nightmare that faded away gradually after waking. There would be
rlm@2 659 consequences for my actions. I knew that much and Kero-chan had
rlm@2 660 reminded me again and again after he found out but I was sure with my
rlm@2 661 best... my girlfriend - another honest smile - by my side, together,
rlm@2 662 we could face it all. After all, WE had a magic phrase.
rlm@2 663 Everything will surely be alright.
rlm@2 664
rlm@2 665 THE END
rlm@2 666 (will possibly be continued)
rlm@2 667
rlm@2 668 Author's Notes
rlm@2 669
rlm@2 670 Well, that was fun. I seem to be getting better at short stories
rlm@2 671 lately. Again, as I said in the beginning, it might be a little rough.
rlm@2 672 A lot of my impression on the characters (especially Sakura since its
rlm@2 673 her POV) came from reading the manga once and from some fanfics. I am
rlm@2 674 still trying to build a clear picture of the charas in my mind.
rlm@2 675 I want to thank Heather (from Amazoness Duo) and G.P. again for their
rlm@2 676 wonderful story "Dear Sakura". That had been the first CCS fic I read
rlm@2 677 with almost the full knowledge of the manga in mind and I believe it
rlm@2 678 will always influences my opinion of the characters in a way. I
rlm@2 679 wouldn't say this was what prompted me to write this, but it helped
rlm@2 680 immensely.
rlm@2 681
rlm@2 682 Anyway, I am aware that there are a lot of open questions. Like, what
rlm@2 683 did happen in the original timeline? Or what are the consequences for
rlm@2 684 using/capturing Time? Why has it been sealed away in the first place?
rlm@2 685 I did leave all those unanswered. First of all it would have been too
rlm@2 686 much to fit into a short story and then... it leaves me opportunities
rlm@2 687 for sequels. :) *looks over shoulder* Maia (my muse) is probably
rlm@2 688 already planning... *sigh*
rlm@2 689
rlm@2 690 That's it then. Feedback is always appreciated. Email is in the header
rlm@2 691 (or probably linked anyway wherever you find this). I appreciate
rlm@2 692 constructive criticism, positive or negative, but will never refuse
rlm@2 693 simple feedback (like, "Liked the story").
rlm@2 694
rlm@2 695 Ja ne, yours
rlm@2 696
rlm@2 697 Matthias
rlm@2 698