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1 Dear Sakura
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2 by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
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3 amazonessduo@hotmail.com
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4 pearsong1954@yahoo.com
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5
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6
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7 Dear Tomoyo-chan,
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8
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9
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10 Thank you for the beautiful letter. It means so much to me when you
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11 write. I wanted to tell you about your letters. I guess that sounds
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12 sort of silly, because you write them and know all about them. But
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13 what I mean to say is, let me tell you why they are so special to me.
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14 When I am expecting one, everyday I rush to the mailbox, or to the
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15 little whicker basket where the servants deposit the mail, hoping it
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16 has come. It was like this waiting for Syaoran-chan's letters all
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17 those times he was away in Hong Kong. Except his letters were pretty
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18 short now that I think about it, and were mainly special because he
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19 wrote them. Anyhow, when I do see one of your letters I know it right
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20 away. The envelopes are very distinctive, with a heavy paper and
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21 creamy color. When I see one, my heart dances with joy, because I
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22 know that your precious thoughts and feelings are sealed inside.
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23 Sometimes I am so excited I read it there in the hallway, or outside
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24 by the little black mailbox. But sometimes it is like Christmas Eve,
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25 when it is more exciting to wait and unwrap the beautiful presents at
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26 just the right time. So, sometimes I wait for a special moment when I
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27 am alone and can read in silence. I read the last letter you wrote at
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28 midnight, in the garden, by moonlight.
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29
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30 When I open the envelope I feel all excited, and sometimes have to
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31 calm down before reading. Tomoyo-chan, your letters have a wonderful
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32 scent, like lilacs. I am not sure if you use scented stationary, or
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33 if it is just you. Sometimes if I close my eyes it is like having you
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34 with me again, so close. Then I start to read. Your calligraphy is
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35 exquisite. Your scriot always amazed me when we were going to school.
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36 I was just happy to get the strokes right, but your writing flowed
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37 like a shimmering river. But what you write to me is even lovelier
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38 than the beautiful characters. When I am sad, you cheer me up, and
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39 when I am confused about something, you help me understand. You know
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40 and understand so much. All of my life you have been there to help me
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41 along. When I thought about this, I realized your letters are just
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42 like you. They are beautiful, and kind, and brimming with love.
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43 Gomenesai, Tomoyo-chan. For all the years we were together, I don't
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44 think I quite understood. About you, I mean. Because you were always
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45 with me, and were so close, I don't think I understood how important
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46 you are to me. Lately there is an odd, empty feeling I have, as if
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47 something is missing from my body. Something I long for, something to
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48 fill and complete me. I never felt this way before. Even all the
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49 times Syaoran was gone, I missed him, but not like this. When I read
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50 your letters, for a few golden moments I feel whole again. When you
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51 were here for your visit, I was happier than I have been since
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52 leaving home. Because you were with me.
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53
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54 Your letters are like little whispers from far away. When they come,
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55 I listen with all my heart. They mean so very much to me. I keep them
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56 in a little folder close to the bed, although your last letter is
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57 under my pillow when I sleep. Sometimes I take them to school, and re-
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58 read them during the day. Once my sensei-friend, Jun-sama, found me
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59 reading them during lunch. She says she called my name several times
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60 before I noticed her standing there. I bowed and apologized for my
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61 rudeness, but she laughed and said it was charming that a married
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62 woman was still receiving love letters. That made me blush terribly,
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63 and she laughed even more when she found out the letter was from you.
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64 We talked after that, and I told her how much I miss you. She said
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65 that you probably miss me just as much, which was amazing because
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66 I've never thought of it like that. She said friends and lovers are
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67 both sad when they are separated. The difference is that friends can
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68 gradually become used to distance, but that the hearts of lovers
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69 always suffer when they are apart. I told her this seemed odd,
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70 because it was the opposite with me. When Syaoran-chan was gone all
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71 those years, I eventually got used to things. But I told her that
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72 with you, my friend, it has gotten worse everyday. She looked sort of
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73 sad and sighed when I said this. I told her it must have been very
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74 difficult for her, losing her love the way she did. Jun-sama said her
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75 heart has never healed, and never will. Tomoyo-chan, I felt so sad
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76 for her because her love is gone from the world. I started to cry.
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77 She hugged me, like a mother would to reassure a child. But she
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78 didn't tell me everything would be all right, because she was crying,
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79 too. And it won't ever be all right for her, because her love is dead.
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80
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81 Gomenesai, I'm crying again. I'm crying a lot lately, and I'm not
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82 sure why. I feel awful for Jun-sama, and your Mother, and my Father.
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83 Their hearts must be so lonely all the time. I feel like this because
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84 you are gone, and we are best friends. How can they live when their
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85 true love has left them forever? And I know I will see you again, and
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86 soon I hope. But they will never be with the one they love. That's
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87 why it makes me so sad when you wrote that you will never see your
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88 special someone again. I am so very sorry I never knew how much pain
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89 not being with your true love has brought you. Gomenesai, until that
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90 night in the garden, I never knew. In my heart it feels like this is
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91 all my fault. Maybe if I had understood, I could have helped. Why
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92 didn’t I know when we were so close? I was so caught up in the Cards,
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93 and Li-kun, and so many trivial things while my best friend needed
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94 me. How could I have been so stupid? I was your best friend, and I
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95 failed you.Gomenesai.Gomenesai, Tomoyo-chan.
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96
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97 It's morning now and I'm writing this on the bus to work. I couldn’t
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98 write anymore last night. I was still sad when I woke up, but now
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99 know what to do now. I can never make up for all the pain in your
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100 heart. I am more sorry than I can say, yet all the apologies that can
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101 be made won't fix things. But I will. I swear it. I am certain that
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102 anyone would be blessed and honored by your love. I know I would!
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103 Even if they are married, or with someone else, there has to be room
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104 in their heart for your love. There has to be. It's just too horrible
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105 if they don't know about you. If they never know of your love, it is
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106 almost as if they were dead. Please don’t worry, Tomoyo-chan, because
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107 everything will be all right. I cannot live and be happy if you are
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108 sad.
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109
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110 Now, as for the rest of your wonderful letter. Thank you so much for
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111 the beautiful photographs! Your Mother is right. You would make a
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112 delightful model. I am looking at one of the pictures now, the one
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113 where you are in the blue sundress, with your hand holding onto your
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114 hat. It reminds me of our trip to the beach. I get very hanyaan when
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115 I see you in this picture. It was so incredible to swim with you, to
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116 hold you close in the warm water. Aiyaaa! Tomoyo-chan, sometimes I am
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117 surprised at how I feel about you. It's funny, because we are both
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118 girls and all, but when we kissed I was in another world, another
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119 place that I wanted to be in forever. Just remembering the garden
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120 makes me dizzy and faint and filled with joy. Oniichan said once that
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121 a kiss is how two souls meet. He doesn't usually say such nice
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122 things, but I think it is true. I never felt so close to you as that
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123 night.
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124
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125 I hope no one sees me blushing like this on the bus. Thinking about
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126 people seeing me blush is making it worse. But anyway, thank you
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127 again for the pictures. Oh, and Fanren says thank you, too. She was
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128 very excited to get the photographs. She really likes you. I also
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129 love my Tomoyo-chan cooking video. I was going to make the recipe
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130 yesterday afternoon, but I couldn't stop watching you. Tomoyo-chan is
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131 like a pretty ballerina in the kitchen, so cute and fun to watch. I
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132 will try and concentrate on the recipe this weekend.
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133
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134 Thank you for talking about Syoaran-chanand me. It really helps so
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135 much. You are so perceptive, and it is always wonderful to be able to
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136 talk about things. I have never been very good about understanding
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137 people. So often they say one thing, and mean something else. So,
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138 hearts are very mysterious to me. I thought I knew all about Syaoran-
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139 chan, but I didn't. Oniichan says that you only begin to know someone
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140 when you are living together. Sugoi, another thing Oniichan said that
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141 isn't stupid! Anyway, I wonder sometimes if Syaoran is the same
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142 person I married. When I told him this he just got more angry, and
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143 said I was imagining things. But maybe it is true. He says things to
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144 me now that he never did before. And he seems distant, somehow. I
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145 know he loves me, and I still love him with all my heart, of course.
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146 Well. Anyway, please do not think that you are the reason for certain
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147 things between Syaoran and me lately. Tomoyo-chan, we don't see each
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148 other a lot anyway, because he is so busy. Our being together cannot
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149 have bothered him all that much. I really don't think our being
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150 together was what upset him. I guess he has a lot on his mind with
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151 work and all.
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152
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153 I do feel bad about Meiling-chan. I don't think she wants to see me,
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154 or I would have talked to her before. Not long ago I asked Fanren-san
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155 about it, and she said that Meiling-chan has always been quick to
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156 anger and slow to forget. She said that Syaoran-chan and Meiling-chan
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157 had been matched at birth as a most propitious couple by her
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158 grandfather, who was a revered Master of the Chinese magic concerned
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159 with beginnings and endings. I thought I should apologize to him, so
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160 I visited his grave at the family cemetery. The cemeteries in Hong
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161 Kong are even more crowded than those in Tokyo. Most of the graves
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162 are very small, but his was large and quite elaborate, which is no
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163 doubt a mark of great respect. I left flowers, and said prayers of
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164 apology. But I did not feel good afterwards, and came down with quite
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165 a cold. When Ieran-sama found out how I came to be sick, she said
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166 this was what happens to those who meddle with angry ghosts. I was so
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167 scared by what she said that it was hard to sleep that night. Do you
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168 think I should try and talk to Meiling-chan?
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169
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170 Tomoyo-chan, I miss you so much. I wish I had back all the time we
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171 were together, to live again knowing what I know now. I wonder if
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172 things would different? I pray we can be together soon. It’s so hard
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173 not to be with you.
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174
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175 Love,
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176
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177 Kinomoto Sakura
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178
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179 PS Please give my best wishes to your Mother. I have been thinking a
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180 lot about her lately.
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181
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182
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183
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184
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185
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186 Dear Sakura-chan,
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187 I hope this letter finds you well. I hope you are curled up with
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188 your husband, happy and loved, content with the wonders that life has
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189 bestowed upon you. My one wish for you is that you will spend the
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190 rest of your days in endless joy. That your laugh will echo through
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191 the Li home, that your smile will light up the lives of everyone who
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192 is blessed with your presence. That you and your husband can forever
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193 travel the moonlit seas of eternity. If I know that you are happy, it
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194 will always bring a smile to my face. What would make me happiest
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195 would be to know that my darling Sakura-chan is shining brightly. If
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196 you could grant me a single wish, Sakura-chan, that is what I would
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197 like the most. You don't need to find my True Love or even grant me
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198 the boundless thrill of your presence. All I want is to know that you
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199 will always be happy, that you will face this life with a beautiful
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200 smile. If I know that, then I can smile as well. I'll forever watch
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201 over your beautiful emerald eyes and you pretty smiling lips. And
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202 that will be my greatest joy. I'm sure you will have a gorgeous life,
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203 Sakura-chan. Your story isn't over yet. I want Sakura-chan to have
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204 the happiest ending.
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205 Sakura-chan, thank you so much for being my best friend for all of
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206 these years. You befriended me when no one else would, showing me
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207 from the start how kind and sweet you are. I will always love you for
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208 that. You were always so cute and genki. Being around you always made
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209 my days a little taste of the heavens. I will forever treasure the
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210 beautiful gift of friendship that you have given me. You will never
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211 know how much it meant to me. Having a best friend like you was
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212 almost too much to bear at times. It was like a lovely dream that I
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213 never wanted to wake up from. Just like the eraser you gave me my
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214 first day of school, I'll keep your friendship in a little locked
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215 box, this one deep inside my heart. It was the most precious gift
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216 anyone has ever given me.
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217 You were an amazing girl and you've grown up to be an even more
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218 amazing woman. All of the videotape in the world couldn't catch every
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219 bit of you. I can only settle for the slivers that I've managed to
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220 capture on tape, beautiful moments suspended forever. Time has been
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221 very generous to you, Sakura-chan. I'm glad that I've been able to
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222 see its affect. But time also leaves many endings in it's wake. It's
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223 not something to fear, though. With endings come new beginnings.
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224 Those whose stories have ended can watch those whose stories are just
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225 beginning. In time, I'm sure that you will have a beautiful child. I
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226 can already see her. Very cute, and very energetic, just like her
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227 mother. I know you'll make an excellent mother. You have so much love
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228 in your heart. I know she will never be left wanting.
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229 Sakura-chan, I'm very sorry, but I'll be going away soon. I don't
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230 know where yet. I just think that there are things I should do with
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231 my life now. I'll be leaving Tomoeda shortly, though I haven't
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232 decided on a destination. Mother doesn't want me to leave, but I
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233 think she understands that it's for the best. I want her to be happy,
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234 too, but like you said about Jun-san, I'm not sure if she ever can be
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235 without Nadeshiko-san. That has always broken my heart because I know
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236 mother sees some of Nadeshiko-san in me and it must be painful for
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237 her. She has been hurt quite a bit, but she has always moved forward.
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238 She is a very strong woman. She really did think you were a wonderful
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239 girl, Sakura-chan. She still does, I know it.
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240 I'm sorry. I spilled some droplets of water on the paper again. I
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241 must be getting clumsy these days. Sakura-chan, it's so hard to say
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242 goodbye. I never understood how difficult it would be. Even when you
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243 left for Hong Kong in the first place it wasn't this bad. I think
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244 it's because I knew that you would still be there, in some small way.
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245 That tiny hope flickered in my heart, shining in the darkest of
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246 nights. But now, I don't have that lighting my path. But that's all
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247 right. Because I'll always be with you. My heart will always look
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248 back to yours. Thank you so much for being the best friend I could
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249 ever have dreamed for. Thank you for letting me dress you up in
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250 costumes and for letting me videotape you and for just letting me
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251 stay by your side. Thank you for the beautiful memories you have
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252 granted me. And thank you for the warmth in my heart that I would
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253 never have found if I hadn't met you. Please remember that even if
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254 I'm far away, even if you don't hear from me, I will always be right
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255 by your side. You will never be far from my thoughts or my heart.
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256 Goodbye, Sakura-chan. Please smile for me.
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rlm@2
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257
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rlm@2
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258 Your friend for all time,
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rlm@2
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259 Daidouji Tomoyo |
