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1 Dear Sakura
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2 After the Banquet
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3 by Amazoness Duo and G.P.
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4 amazonessduo@hotmail.com
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5
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6
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7
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8 Tomoyo stood alone for a long moment, looking for all the world like
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9 a beautifully dressed up china doll. Her body was tired, sleep
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10 tugging at her weary soul with the help of a full stomach. But her
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11 mind was still busily going over things. The banquet really had been
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12 spectacular. It would have been nice to be closer to Sakura, but she
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13 looked very happy next to her husband. If only she had been able to
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14 bring her camcorder... Those would have been images she would have
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15 enjoyed watching again and again. Not only had Sakura been enjoying
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16 herself, something Tomoyo always loved to see, but she had looked
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17 simply gorgeous. With a sharp pang, she could remember the last time
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18 Sakura had looked so stunning. At her wedding. Tomoyo had taken hours
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19 to prepare Sakura for the big day. So she had thrown her all into
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20 making sure that Sakura looked perfect for her wedding. The dress had
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21 been of her design, the last complete costume she had made for
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22 Sakura. Part of her had been overjoyed to be a part of Sakura’s
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23 wedding, but the other part had felt like she was giving Sakura away.
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24 Like she was stepping away from her life. That Syaoran would now be
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25 the one to help the Cardmistress with all of her problems and joys.
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26 To protect her and give her the happiness that she never could.
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27 During those long hours that she had readied Sakura she had felt like
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28 she was saying goodbye. Yet here she was. A soft giggle lit the
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29 empty room. She should have known that escaping Sakura wouldn’t be
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30 quite so easy. Sakura had infiltrated her heart and soul, filling her
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31 thoughts and dreams completely. Everything she did, she did for
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32 Sakura. And now... Could she ever say goodbye again? Could she ever
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33 completely slip out of Sakura’s life? She had thought that it would
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34 be for the best. Sakura didn’t need her, after all, so it seemed less
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35 painful for everyone if she faded from Sakura’s life. It was too
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36 painful watching it all, knowing that the brunette could never know
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37 her heart’s desire. But now, after this visit to Hong Kong, she
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38 wasn’t so sure that she could fade from Sakura’s life so completely.
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39 She needed Sakura. Like a flower without sunlight, she would die
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40 without the warmth her best friend bestowed upon her. And after the
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41 miraculous kiss the night before, it seemed that Sakura’s feelings
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42 were more entwined with her own than she had thought. She still
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43 hadn’t completely understood why Sakura had shared in it as deeply as
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44 she had, but Sakura’s love had been unmistakable. What that love
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45 meant, Tomoyo wasn’t fully sure of either, but it seemed that she was
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46 still important to Sakura. And that knowledge made the idea of
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47 leaving Sakura’s life unbearably painful. She felt like a puppet,
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48 caught up in the strings Sakura had wrapped tightly around her soul.
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49 Everything Sakura did tugged at her, drawing her one way or another,
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50 making her dance for the amusement of her audience, always hoping
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51 that it would make the brunette happy. And so everything she did was
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52 for Sakura, but her smiling doll exterior hid the pain in her heart.
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53 For a brief moment, the lavender haired designer considered what
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54 Fanren had said. Loneliness consumed her, a constant companion that
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55 haunted her every waking moment and often caught her in the midst of
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56 even her happiest dreams. For once, it would be so nice not to wake
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57 up alone, crying in bed in a haze of lavender curls. Someone to talk
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58 to, to hold on to, to be able to share her inner turmoil. The idea
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59 was certainly tempting. Sakura would never be hers, of course. So why
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60 was she still giving her heart to a married woman that would never
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61 know her feelings? Everyone she knew was falling in love, finding
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62 their special someone. She had already fallen in love before any of
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63 them. But she was denied her special person. So while they were all
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64 building their relationships, Tomoyo was very much alone. The
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65 beautiful heiress to the Daidouji fortunes, wasting away as she kept
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66 her heart locked up and away from view.
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67 As Fanren had shown, it wasn’t impossible for her to find someone.
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68 A relationship would not be impossible. Besides, with her masks and
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69 perception she could easily manage a relationship. And for once she
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70 wouldn’t be completely alone. Fanren herself was an extremely pretty
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71 woman, and she was very kind. Spending time with her would be
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72 infinitely better than being alone. But there was one thing she
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73 couldn’t offer the Chinese beauty. Her heart. It didn’t matter if she
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74 could manage a relationship or not. Or even if she could find someone
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75 to be with. It was that her heart, her soul already belonged to
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76 another. She could never love her, or anyone else for that matter,
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77 with the same fervor, the same boundless passion that she held for
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78 Sakura. The Cardmistress was what made an eternity of loneliness seem
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79 livable. The very thought of her sent a surge through Tomoyo’s body,
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80 her hands going over her heart as the feeling that she always had
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81 when she was around Sakura shot through her. Yes, another
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82 relationship would never be anything more than an escape from the
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83 loneliness and a need for comfort. Her heart would always belong to
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84 Sakura. A small smile crossed the dark haired woman’s lips. If she
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85 had to be alone, it was worth it to be in love with her sweet best
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86 friend. “Sakura-chan...” she whispered lovingly.
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87
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88 Watching Tomoyo from the doorway, Sakura found herself entranced by
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89 the almost ethereal beauty of her best friend. She really didn’t know
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90 how long she had been standing there. Blushing a bit, she realized
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91 that she had been staring the entire time. But oddly enough, Tomoyo
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92 didn’t seem to notice. The pale woman seemed lost in thought, far
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93 away from the dark banquet room in Hong Kong. Some of the thoughts
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94 seemed to be troubling her. Sakura wondered if Tomoyo was once again
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95 thinking about her special someone. The young designer thought about
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96 them often. They had to be an extremely lucky person to be in her
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97 thoughts so often.
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98 A soft sigh escaped Sakura as she leaned against the door frame.
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99 She couldn’t help being a little jealous about Tomoyo’s special
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100 person. When they were younger, it seemed that she was the one who
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101 was always in Tomoyo’s thoughts. She had been the lead in the play of
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102 Tomoyo’s life, always the center of attention to the slightly odd
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103 dark haired girl. And it had been very embarrassing at times. But she
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104 had enjoyed it immensely, knowing because of that that she was
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105 important to her best friend. It had always made her feel good.
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106 Special. Loved. She knew that she couldn’t be as important to Tomoyo
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107 anymore. After all, she was married herself and knew how important
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108 finding one’s love was. But she loved being so important to Tomoyo.
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109 Was she being selfish still wanting that? Tomoyo had grown up. Her
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110 special person was the most important person to her now. And whoever
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111 that person was, they were making Tomoyo sad. Which made the whole
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112 thing even worse for Sakura. The brunette had rarely ever seen Tomoyo
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113 sad. It was like those stormy blue eyes were always glowing warmly.
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114 The thought of Tomoyo being so sad like this left Sakura feeling weak
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115 and helpless. There had to be something, anything that she could do.
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116 Thinking back on things, it now looked like Tomoyo had planned on
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117 being alone from the beginning. That thought sent a chill down
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118 Sakura’s spine. How could such a loving, gentle girl like Tomoyo be
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119 alone forever? What had been the first clue? When they had bought
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120 materials to make teddy bears for someone special. Rika had made one
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121 (that she now knew had been for Terrada-sensie) and Tomoyo had
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122 explained how you were supposed to make one for the person you like.
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123 Sakura had been overjoyed at the prospect and hurried to get the
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124 materials. Strangely enough, Tomoyo didn’t buy any to make one for
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125 the person she liked. That had surprised Sakura who had thought
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126 Tomoyo would finally get to show her special person her feelings for
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127 them. But Tomoyo had explained that what she wanted the most was for
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128 her love to be happy, even if it wasn’t with her. Sakura hadn’t
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129 understood at the time, but Tomoyo was telling her that she couldn’t
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130 be with her special person so she couldn’t make them a teddy bear
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131 because she didn’t think they could return her feelings. The pale
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132 girl had only been ten at the time. Only ten years old. She should
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133 have been dreaming about when she would marry her true love, sure
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134 that everything would work out in the end. But Tomoyo had always been
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135 a little odd, and much of what she did only made sense to Sakura in
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136 hindsight. Tomoyo had known back then that she would be all alone.
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137 And Sakura hadn’t had a clue. Her heart sank in her chest at the
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138 painful realization. Was there anything she could have done? Was
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139 there a way she could have helped Tomoyo? It was heartbreaking to see
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140 Tomoyo alone after all these years. If the love that she showed
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141 Sakura was anything like the love for her special someone, then it
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142 must tear Tomoyo apart inside to be without them.
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143 Later, when everyone started dating, Chiharu once asked why Tomoyo
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144 wasn’t dating anyone. Tomoyo replied that she couldn’t date the
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145 person she wanted to so she felt that dating wouldn’t be right. Then
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146 she quickly added that it left in more time to videotape Sakura.
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147 Sakura had blushed at the time and had brushed it off, but now she
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148 felt horrible. Everyone had been so busy trying to balance
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149 relationships back then but Tomoyo had always been with her. She had
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150 been happy about that, but now she saw that she had been pouring
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151 herself into her own relationship right in front of Tomoyo, glad to
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152 have Tomoyo there, but not seeing how lonely it must have made her.
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153 Now Sakura had a dilemma. More than ever, she wanted to find
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154 Tomoyo’s true love and help her with it. It wasn’t right that
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155 Tomoyo’s beautiful love be kept locked away. But Tomoyo didn’t want
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156 her to find out for some reason. And Sakura wasn’t sure she wanted to
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157 know who it was. After that kiss they had shared in the garden, the
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158 thought of all of Tomoyo’s love going to another frightened her.
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159 Feeling that warmth encompass her, the kiss, the embrace, the gentle
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160 immersion in Tomoyo’s love, she didn’t want to let that go. She
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161 wanted it all for herself, not to see it all given to someone who
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162 couldn't appreciate her lovely best friend.
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163 Her emerald eyes shot open when she heard Tomoyo whisper her name.
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164 The sound of Tomoyo’s melodious voice quickly brought her back to her
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165 senses. Had Tomoyo seen her? A blush crept across her cheeks. She had
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166 just been standing there and staring for a while now. No, it looked
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167 like Tomoyo had just said it. But why? Maybe she wasn’t thinking
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168 about her special someone at the moment. Stepping forward, Sakura
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169 smiled. “You look so gorgeous, Tomoyo-chan! Syaoran’s sisters really
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170 did a great job. Not that you aren’t always pretty. You’re probably
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171 the most beautiful woman I know,” the brunette said quickly.
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172 Tomoyo smiled giddily as she saw the object of her thoughts
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173 approaching. “Sakura-chan must not look in mirrors very often,” she
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174 stated softly. She delighted in the blush it brought upon Sakura. No,
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175 there was no way she could truly love anyone besides the woman in
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176 front of her. But she wouldn’t have it any other way. To love Sakura
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177 was both the most wonderful feeling in the world and also the most
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178 painful. She had thought the pain would lessen as she grew older, but
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179 the loneliness only became more acute as time went by, her longing
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180 for Sakura growing stronger by the day. And now she had actually
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181 kissed Sakura. It had been Tomoyo’s first real kiss. That intimate
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182 moment with the Cardmistress had thrown off everything she had been
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183 sure about. Her visit to Hong Kong was supposed to help her distance
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184 herself from Sakura so she could fade away from her life. Now she
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185 felt even more attached. She had come with the intention of hiding
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186 her feelings for Sakura now that she was married, but they had burst
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187 forward in a torrential outpouring. She had been drowning without
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188 Sakura. She needed her just as surely as she needed air. Living
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189 without her was becoming more and more difficult. That all too brief
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190 moment with Sakura had been a tantalizing piece of Heaven.
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191 Giggling slightly, Sakura brushed some hair back from her shimmering
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192 jade eyes. “Most people save that sort of thing for the banquet,
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193 Tomoyo-chan.”
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194 “But if it’s equally true during the banquet and after, I should be
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195 sure to let Sakura-chan know,” Tomoyo pointed out. It took every
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196 ounce of her remaining strength to stand still as Sakura took both of
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197 her hands in her own. For a moment’s time, Tomoyo wondered feverishly
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198 if Sakura was going to kiss her again. Sakura was very close to her.
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199 The pale woman’s heart stopped in her chest as eternity seemed to
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200 stretch on endlessly before her. She ultimately dismissed the thought
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201 as wishful thinking. She had been lucky that Sakura hadn’t acted
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202 adversely to the first kiss. The fact that Sakura kissed back with
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203 nearly the same passion in Tomoyo’s heart made the event one she
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204 would both treasure and try to understand. Why had Sakura given so
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205 freely of herself? Why had she kissed back so lovingly? Perhaps she
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206 had misjudged how important she was to Sakura. If Sakura’s letters
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207 were any indication, the brunette missed her greatly. So was the kiss
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208 merely Sakura returning it with all of the love she held for her best
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209 friend and nothing more? But there had been so much behind the kiss.
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210 The entire thing sent Tomoyo’s head spinning. Sakura still didn’t
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211 seem to know that she was the object of Tomoyo’s affections, so she
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212 must not have understood completely why the toy designer had kissed
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213 her in the first place. Tomoyo understood Sakura better than anyone
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214 else did, but this was confusing her. She didn’t know how to act
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215 about it or what masks she should wear. If she could manage the
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216 strength to wear any at all.
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217 Sakura watched Tomoyo intently. Was the pale woman shivering? It was
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218 hard to tell in the dark. Squeezing Tomoyo’s soft, ivory hands
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219 gently, Sakura asked, “Tomoyo-chan, are you cold? Maybe we should go
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220 get you a blanket or something.”
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221 “No, I’m not cold at all. I feel very warm being here with you,
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222 Sakura-chan. You’re the bright, shining sun that lights up my world,”
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223 Tomoyo explained, her soft voice barely above a whisper. She brought
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224 her hands up, Sakura’s hands still holding onto them as she rested
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225 them on Sakura’s cheeks. She could feel the hot blush under the
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226 brunette’s cheeks and the soft feel of her skin. Tomoyo sighed
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227 happily, meeting Sakura’s eyes with her stormy blue ones. Yes, it was
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228 certainly nice to be with Sakura again, even if Sakura was married
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229 now. She was happy just to be there with her best friend.
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230 “Tomoyo-chan...” Sakura said quietly, unsure of what to say. Her
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231 heart was pounding in her chest like a drum, her feelings swirling
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232 inside her like a tornado. Why couldn’t there be some way for her to
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233 make Tomoyo happy? Tomoyo said she was happy as long as her special
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234 someone was happy, but there had to be some way to make Tomoyo happy
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235 herself. If she were the boy that Tomoyo loved, she would never be
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236 able to leave her all alone. She would be overjoyed to be the focus
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237 of all the love in Tomoyo’s heart. The chiming of an old grandfather
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238 clock nearby rang a reminder through her head. “Oh! I need to call
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239 one of the girls from the cheerleading club. I promised I would give
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240 her mother some information about it tonight.”
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241 Nodding, Tomoyo smiled sweetly at Sakura as her hands slowly trailed
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242 away from the brunette’s cheeks. “All right, Sakura-chan. Those girls
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243 are all very lucky to have you as their sensei. You were always so
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244 cute when you were cheerleading. I loved to watch you when I didn’t
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245 have choir practice. They’ll all look so kawaii training with you.”
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246 “Arigato, Tomoyo-chan. You always say such nice things. I’m really
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247 sorry for leaving like this. I’ll try not to take too long. I don’t
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248 want to waste any of the time we have together,” Sakura said
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249 hurriedly as she walked backwards towards the door. The two said
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250 goodbye before Sakura made her way back to her room.
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251
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252 Tomoyo looked up at the stars sparkling in the sky above, like
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253 sparkling pearls resting on a huge velvet cloth. Yet for all of their
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254 beauty, they paled in comparison to her spirited best friend. Her
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255 thoughts kept returning to Sakura as she walked out in the garden
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256 under the moonlight. Thoughts of the night before continued to course
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257 through her, the sweet scent of Sakura and the warm feel of her lips
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258 lingering like a ghost in her mind. That sent another smile across
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259 her lips. She didn’t know if she should thank Touya or not for
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260 frightening Sakura about ghosts. She always loved how Sakura would
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261 grab onto her for comfort when she was scared of ghosts. These days
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262 she must do that with Syaoran.
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263 Thinking about Syaoran made her feel a little uneasy. Not because of
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264 him. She had grown used to him long ago. And she had chosen him as
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265 the one Sakura’s heart must belong to. But now she was starting to
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266 wonder about that, as well as Ieran’s words. Could it be that she had
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267 been wrong? Had she misjudged Sakura’s heart? She had taken into
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268 account that Syaoran had liked Sakura very much and that he would be
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269 able to take care of her and give her a child. And she seemed rather
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270 close to him. But had she made a terrible mistake? Syaoran always had
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271 difficulty with his emotions and that made things difficult with
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272 Sakura, who was a very emotional woman. She had been surprised to
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273 hear that Sakura had to leave to talk to one of the girls from school
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274 and not to go be with Syaoran. He hadn’t been around very much during
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275 her visit, but whether that was normal or because he didn’t want to
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276 get in the way during the trip, she wasn’t quite sure. And the kiss...
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277 The sounds of heavy breathing up ahead grabbed Tomoyo’s attention.
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278 Stepping forward past a tree, she spotted a Chinese woman around her
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279 age, still dressed in her beautiful dress as her legs whipped through
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280 the air as if fending off invisible attackers. “Hello, Meiling-chan,”
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281 she said pleasantly as she approached the black haired woman. Tomoyo
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282 could tell that the night's festivities had not sat well with her.
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283 Meiling looked rather upset, probably at seeing Syaoran and his new
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284 bride again. She knew how painful that could be. She and Meiling had
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285 been in the same boat, pouring out their heart to the one they loved
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286 but unable to have them. Of course, Meiling had taken a much more
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287 aggressive route than she had. And she had known that she couldn’t
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288 have Sakura for a very long time. It wasn’t until after Sakura had
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289 captured all of the Clow Cards that she realized she wouldn’t be the
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290 one to make Sakura happy. Meiling didn’t seem to realize that, at
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291 least not consciously.
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rlm@2
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292 “Why do you put up with it?” Meiling asked, her leg sweeping through
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293 the shadows. The slit in her long dress shifted again as she kicked
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294 out. She was still upset about the dinner. She had been Syaoran’s
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295 fiancee for years, always by his side when he needed her, there to
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296 love him always. And then he ran off with some girl he met in Japan.
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297 She had not wanted to come tonight at all. Were they trying to rub it
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298 in her face? The only reason she had come was because Ieran told her
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299 to personally. Otherwise she was sure she could find something better
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300 to do than to spend all night watching Syaoran and his bride. Just
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301 about anything. “I mean, all this time you’ve loved her and now she’s
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302 married to my Syaoran and you’re still all smiles and warmth to her.
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303 I don’t get it. If you loved her back then, then why are you
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304 pretending like it’s no big deal?”
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305 “I still love her. I always will. I’m sorry about Li-kun, but I just
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306 want Sakura to be happy. Now that she’s married and starting a new
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307 life, I want her to know that I still care for her. I don’t want her
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308 to have to worry about how the marriage affected me or how I feel
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309 about her.” Tomoyo sighed as she steadied herself against a tree.
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310 “Besides, I can’t be angry with her. Or with him. As long as he takes
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311 care of Sakura, then I’m glad that they got married. Sakura deserves
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312 a happy marriage.”
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313 Meiling finally stopped her assault on the shadows, trying to catch
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314 her breath. She shook her head, clenching her fists. “But she hurt
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315 you. She ran off with some boy from Hong Kong. Leaving you all alone.
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316 How can you sit back and take it? I can’t believe Syaoran did it. He
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317 promised me...” Her amber eyes closed for a moment as she tried to
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318 calm down. She was not going to cry in front of Tomoyo. Today was bad
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319 enough without breaking down in the garden. Indulging her anger a
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320 bit, she found it easier to push the tears away. “Why is it all right
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321 for them to be happy when neither of us can be? Did things really
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322 work out the right way? I loved Syaoran so much and you loved Sakura
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323 and now we’re both left alone like discarded playthings. It feels
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324 like things worked out the wrong way. Why did we both have to get
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325 hurt in the end? Why couldn't we all be happy with the ones we love?”
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326 The garden was silent for a full minute. The pale heiress didn’t
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327 have an answer to Meiling’s question. There had been times when she
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328 was all alone that she found herself asking it to the sky above.
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329 There was never an answer. “I don’t know,” she said at last. Fate had
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330 done a pretty painful job of patching things up, leaving too many
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331 loose ends that refused to heal. She and Meiling seemed to be two
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332 more casualties in Fate’s work.
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333 Sighing, Meiling toyed with a large bracelet she had on. “Neither
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334 do I. I still don’t see how you can be happy for the both of them.
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335 I’m still pissed about the whole thing. I really did love him,
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336 Tomoyo. I can’t believe that he’d do this to me. Sakura didn’t know
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337 how you felt, but I made sure Syaoran knew everyday just how I felt
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338 about him. And he still went through with it. It’s not right that we
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339 both got left behind like this.” She smiled a little in the dark,
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340 pushing a pigtail over her shoulder. “I wish you had gotten Sakura.
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341 Then neither of us would be in this mess.”
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342 Returning the smile, Tomoyo hugged herself as the cold began to
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343 settle into her pale body. Meiling was suffering through the same
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344 pain she was, but like always, she was handling it differently.
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345 Almost like her mother. She smiled more at the thought. Of course,
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346 her mother never could have been angry at Nadeshiko. “Sometimes I
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347 wish I could have, too. Thank you, Meiling-chan. I’m very sorry about
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348 how everything turned out.”
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349 “Me too,” Meiling answered, looking out across the garden. Her eyes
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350 darted around the dimly lit area when she heard someone running
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351 towards them. It was Sakura, hurrying along. She crossed her arms and
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352 frowned.
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353 “Tomoyo-chan! There you are! I finally finished. I was wondering
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354 where you had gone off to. Oh, hello, Meiling-chan!” Sakura smiled
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355 politely as she reached the two dark haired women. From the distance,
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356 Sakura hadn’t been quite sure which was which. She had almost thought
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357 that Mirror had gone off as Tomoyo.
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358 “Hello, Sakura-chan,” Tomoyo said happily, smiling at the young
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359 bride. “I wanted to come back and take a walk in the garden. It looks
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360 like Meiling-chan had similar ideas.”
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361 Meiling brushed past Sakura as she headed for the door. “I really
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362 must be going. I should get home before it gets too late. I have some
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363 things I need to do tomorrow. Goodbye, Tomoyo! Enjoy your visit!”
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364 With that, she disappeared inside the house, leaving Sakura blinking
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365 after her.
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366 Watching the bewildered look on Sakura’s face, Tomoyo let out a sad
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367 sigh. She could understand Meiling’s pain and her anger, but she
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368 could never be angry at Sakura. Taking one of Sakura’s hands, she
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369 quickly smiled again. “Please don’t worry about it, Sakura-chan.
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370 Meiling-chan is in a lot of pain and she doesn’t know what to do
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371 about it.”
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372 Sakura nodded slowly. Meiling hadn’t been very pleased with her at
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373 all during her stay in Hong Kong. But Tomoyo was right. There was no
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374 reason to worry about it. “I’m glad I found you. I was wondering
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375 where you were.”
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376 “I’ll always be there if you know where to look, Sakura-chan. Even
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377 if it doesn’t seem like I am.” Tomoyo’s smile disappeared for a
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378 moment, her voice sounding earnest. A cloud seemed to pass over her
|
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379 stormy blue eyes for a moment before it faded away to be replaced
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380 with her nearly ever present smile.
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381 Standing with Tomoyo in the dark, Sakura felt her fingers
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382 intertwine with the toy designer’s. Tomoyo’s pale skin seemed to
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383 shine in the luster of the moonlight. “I found some photos you might
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384 like for your photo album, Tomoyo-chan.”
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385 Tomoyo smiled again happily. “I would love that, Sakura-chan. They
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386 are little frozen moments in Sakura-chan’s life that I can flip
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387 through whenever I want to see her again.”
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rlm@2
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388 “Oh good! I hope you like them. Syaoran-chan and I were going to
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389 make an album ourselves some time, but we haven’t gotten around to
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390 it. I’d be happier if you had the pictures instead of them going to
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391 waste.” Squeezing Tomoyo’s hand, she led her best friend back inside.
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392
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