rlm@2
|
1 WARNING: Yes, a fic with a warning. This isn't your run of the mill episode here. This
|
rlm@2
|
2 one will be slightly, if not very depressing. The email address is the same,
|
rlm@2
|
3 Saturn_Knight@hotmail.com for those of you who wish to email me, but don't send me
|
rlm@2
|
4 hate mail, because it'll be deleted.
|
rlm@2
|
5 ***************
|
rlm@2
|
6
|
rlm@2
|
7 "Where did we come from? Why are we here?
|
rlm@2
|
8 Where do we go when we die?
|
rlm@2
|
9 What lies beyond? And what laid before?
|
rlm@2
|
10 Is anything certain in life?
|
rlm@2
|
11 They say 'life is too short,' 'the here and the now,'
|
rlm@2
|
12 And 'you're only given one shot.'
|
rlm@2
|
13 But could there be more? Have I lived before?
|
rlm@2
|
14 Or could this be all that we've got?
|
rlm@2
|
15 '…Move on be brave! Don't weep at my grave!
|
rlm@2
|
16 Because I am no longer here.
|
rlm@2
|
17 But please never let your memory of me
|
rlm@2
|
18 Disappear…'"
|
rlm@2
|
19 Dream Theater: "The Spirit Carries On."
|
rlm@2
|
20
|
rlm@2
|
21 "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of one of
|
rlm@2
|
22 God's children." The day was overcast, gray and simply miserable. The angry sky
|
rlm@2
|
23 rumbled with fury as the small group crowded around an open grave, in direct defiance of
|
rlm@2
|
24 the chill. The figures, huddled around site, stood in somber, detached silence as the priest
|
rlm@2
|
25 continued to speak. " 'The lord is my shepherd; I shall not want…' We commit thee,
|
rlm@2
|
26 Hotaru Tomoe back to God's earth, though the body is only a vessel, and you, such a
|
rlm@2
|
27 lovely child, are in the hands of God once more. 'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,' so it has
|
rlm@2
|
28 always been and it always will be" He stepped forward, dropping a single rose on the lid
|
rlm@2
|
29 of the coffin, and motioned for the others to do so as well. The senshi approached one by
|
rlm@2
|
30 one, standing before the simple stone that marked her final resting place; an angel with its
|
rlm@2
|
31 wings wrapped around a small child, and murmured their final goodbyes to the lacquered
|
rlm@2
|
32 coffin lid.
|
rlm@2
|
33 "We'll miss you, Hotaru…" Ami said as she crouched down and released the
|
rlm@2
|
34 rose, allowing it to fall above the priest's.
|
rlm@2
|
35 "I'm sorry I never got to know you better," Minako sighed, she too allowing the
|
rlm@2
|
36 brilliant red rose to drop into the grave.
|
rlm@2
|
37 "It won't be the same without you, Hotaru…" Usagi stood by the edge of the six-
|
rlm@2
|
38 foot deep, rectangular hole; Chibi was by her side. Both of them relinquished their roses
|
rlm@2
|
39 at the same time, Usagi turned to let Chibi stand a moment longer.
|
rlm@2
|
40 "I'll miss you, Hotaru…you were my best friend. I never met anyone like you,
|
rlm@2
|
41 and I know I never will. You…" she paused, shaking her head and trying to swallow the
|
rlm@2
|
42 lump that creeped into her throat. "You can never be replaced…" Her eyes closed, tears
|
rlm@2
|
43 finding the way down her cheeks, only to fall, unheeded, onto the lid of the coffin.
|
rlm@2
|
44 'Why?' Chibi thought to herself. 'WHY!? It's not fair! She didn't do anything!
|
rlm@2
|
45 She wasn't a bad person anymore! It wasn't her fault before! SHE CHANGED!! DO
|
rlm@2
|
46 YOU HEAR ME?! SHE CHANGED!!!' She began to shake with anger, her small hands
|
rlm@2
|
47 curling into fists as she glared at the carving of an angel that watched over a nearby
|
rlm@2
|
48 grave. 'Why did you take her?! WHY!? All her power- all our power and we couldn't do
|
rlm@2
|
49 anything to help her! What good are we if we can't even protect each other!? How are we
|
rlm@2
|
50 supposed to protect the world? This is ridiculous…' Chibi was beginning falter, shaking
|
rlm@2
|
51 hard enough now that the other Senshi noticed, and Usagi slowly approached her.
|
rlm@2
|
52 "Come on…the other's need to say goodbye to her too. We all miss her," Usagi
|
rlm@2
|
53 too was crying, though not as uncontrollably as Chibi. The child didn't move, as much a
|
rlm@2
|
54 statue as the stone monuments that stood silent vigil over the dead. Slowly, red, swollen
|
rlm@2
|
55 eyes met Usagi's and Chibi opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't for a moment.
|
rlm@2
|
56 "Shh…" Usagi's finger moved over her daughter's lips, signaling her not to talk. She had
|
rlm@2
|
57 never seen her like this before, so angry, so…frightening.
|
rlm@2
|
58 "WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYY!!!!???" her piercing wail
|
rlm@2
|
59 echoed, rebounding off the tombstones, making the sound redirect to the people who
|
rlm@2
|
60 stood between them. Soon it sounded like the angels themselves were screaming in
|
rlm@2
|
61 agony.
|
rlm@2
|
62
|
rlm@2
|
63 The ride back to home was quiet, uneventful. 'I'm glad she's at least quiet now,'
|
rlm@2
|
64 Usagi thought to herself, looking over at the sleeping child that rested in her lap. 'I
|
rlm@2
|
65 thought we were going to be kicked off the plane on the way back here. She was glad the
|
rlm@2
|
66 people were sympathetic, even if annoyed and distressed at the hysterically crying child
|
rlm@2
|
67 who only ceased her sobbing after she fell asleep.
|
rlm@2
|
68 "I didn't know she'd take it this hard." Ami whispered to Usagi who only sighed
|
rlm@2
|
69 and nodded, though both of the older senshi's eyes were puffy from tears, they had
|
rlm@2
|
70 nothing on the pink haired girl. "It's so sad…I never knew she cared about Hotaru this
|
rlm@2
|
71 much… they were very good friends, now that I do think about it." Usagi nodded to Ami
|
rlm@2
|
72 for a fraction of a second before her eyes went wide.
|
rlm@2
|
73 Hearing Ami talk about Hotaru in the past tense finalized it as her being gone.
|
rlm@2
|
74 Usagi winced visibly and pulled her daughter tighter into her body, suddenly wanting to
|
rlm@2
|
75 be comforted, though Chibi didn't awaken. "Ami…god, why did you say that?" Usagi
|
rlm@2
|
76 narrowed her eyes at Ami even though she knew that she wasn't angry at her, hissing
|
rlm@2
|
77 through her clenched teeth, "Why?"
|
rlm@2
|
78 "I…I'm sorry Usagi, but all I said was that Hotaru and Chibi were-" she cut off,
|
rlm@2
|
79 suddenly realizing just what she had said and her hand covered her mouth. She didn't
|
rlm@2
|
80 need to say anymore. She didn't have to.
|
rlm@2
|
81 They spent the rest of the long ride from the cemetery listening only to the rain
|
rlm@2
|
82 patter down, and Chibi's steady breathing as she slept. 'You must be exhausted,' Usagi
|
rlm@2
|
83 thought as she brushed aside some of the girl's hair. 'I've never seen you cry like that,
|
rlm@2
|
84 and this much before…let alone scream that loudly. You must really care about her,
|
rlm@2
|
85 huh?' She refused to talk about Hotaru in the past tense, it tore her too much to even
|
rlm@2
|
86 begin to. 'She's lucky to have a friend like you…'
|
rlm@2
|
87 "Usagi….Usagi? We're home now," Usagi looked up quickly, realizing they were
|
rlm@2
|
88 now at Makoto's house, where they would be staying to keep each other company. "Do
|
rlm@2
|
89 you need a hand with her?" Ami gestured to Chibi, she was the only one who didn't head
|
rlm@2
|
90 quickly inside, not because of the angel's tears that streamed from the heavens, soaking
|
rlm@2
|
91 the world beneath, but because they were too numb to know any better. Only Ami's hard
|
rlm@2
|
92 wired sense of responsibility and courtesy remained.
|
rlm@2
|
93 "Huh? Oh, no, I've got her…" Usagi placed both legs out onto the ground, before
|
rlm@2
|
94 standing; the cold, but comforting rain began to trace over her face. "Let's get inside."
|
rlm@2
|
95 The door to the car was closed by Ami, as Usagi needed both hands to carry her daughter,
|
rlm@2
|
96 who was too out of it to even place her arms around her mother's neck. 'God, she's such
|
rlm@2
|
97 a dead weight…'
|
rlm@2
|
98 A stabbing pain in Usagi's head brought to her a sudden halt. She leaned her back
|
rlm@2
|
99 against a soaked pillar, to keep herself upright. Her mind forced the replay of the scene at
|
rlm@2
|
100 the funeral, where they stood gathered around Hotaru's grave. Only this time, she was
|
rlm@2
|
101 watching herself, and the others, in third person. Watching herself stand crying, Usagi
|
rlm@2
|
102 felt a direct chill, slithering down her spine before turning to the stone on the ground. It
|
rlm@2
|
103 was blank. The angel carved onto the gray stone suddenly turned its eyes and head to face
|
rlm@2
|
104 Usagi who gasped in fright. It began to mouth silent words to her, though she couldn't
|
rlm@2
|
105 make them out. 'I…I don't understand!' She thought trying harder to read the lips of the
|
rlm@2
|
106 angel.
|
rlm@2
|
107 "Love is stronger than death… Love is stronger than life… Don't let her grief
|
rlm@2
|
108 over come her… Love her…" Hotaru's hushed voice clearly sounded, whispering though
|
rlm@2
|
109 Usagi's ear, causing her to jump, and look around frantically, but the only thing she saw
|
rlm@2
|
110 now was Ami, who had her hand on Usagi's shoulder.
|
rlm@2
|
111 "Usagi! Are you ok? Get inside before your d-- catch a cold." She began to lead
|
rlm@2
|
112 her inside, oblivious to Hotaru's warning that carried itself on the fridged air.
|
rlm@2
|
113
|
rlm@2
|
114 Seisen floated through the swirling darkness, unaware of the creature that was
|
rlm@2
|
115 stalking him through the endless depths of the portal.. Unbeknownst to him, he was
|
rlm@2
|
116 floating back to the astral plane, by nothing more than dumb luck, but the monster
|
rlm@2
|
117 trailing him intended to stop this. It's tendril flared quickly at the youth, intending to
|
rlm@2
|
118 entangle him and draw him closer to itself to pull him from the sanctuary of the darkness.
|
rlm@2
|
119 However, at that moment, Seisen's eyes opened to see the imminent collision, but
|
rlm@2
|
120 managed to turn his body vertically so the tendril would only slam into his chest, not grip
|
rlm@2
|
121 him like the creature wanted. The impact of the blow sent the youth spinning head over
|
rlm@2
|
122 heels out of the portal and onto the ground of the astral realm, leaving the furious cry of
|
rlm@2
|
123 the creature to echo in his ears, just as his hand closed around the Silence Glaive. It began
|
rlm@2
|
124 to shimmer in response to his touch, but soon darkness was all he saw.
|
rlm@2
|
125 Waking in the still, flame lit darkness, Seisen sat up. His body was healed, he was
|
rlm@2
|
126 whole again…he glanced to the glaive by his side, which just shined knowingly. "Thank
|
rlm@2
|
127 you, Hotaru…" he mumbled under his breath before a single tear streamed down his face,
|
rlm@2
|
128 he could feel in his heart that the girl was dead, which meant he had very little time. He
|
rlm@2
|
129 stood up, grabbing the glaive in his hands, and began to run quickly down the path to the
|
rlm@2
|
130 afterlife.
|
rlm@2
|
131
|
rlm@2
|
132 Makoto's house was deathly silent, the senshi sitting around the living room
|
rlm@2
|
133 staring at the rug in the middle of the floor. Nothing stirred the quiet, besides the sound of
|
rlm@2
|
134 the girls' breathing. A breeze floated on the thick air, chilling Usagi down to her bones,
|
rlm@2
|
135 though none of the senshi seemed to notice the sudden icy whisper that ran it's fingers
|
rlm@2
|
136 through Usagi's hair. "Remember…" Hotaru's hushed voice murmured to the girl,
|
rlm@2
|
137 "Remember…."
|
rlm@2
|
138 "Remember what?" she said aloud, causing the rest of the inners to look at her, as
|
rlm@2
|
139 the others chose to heal in their own way. Four sets of red eyes looked to Usagi, though
|
rlm@2
|
140 no one spoke to her.
|
rlm@2
|
141 Assuming she was just thinking aloud they dismissed it and went back to looking
|
rlm@2
|
142 at their own feet. Chibi stirred in Usagi's lap, sitting up and glancing to her mother, "Did
|
rlm@2
|
143 you hear her too?"
|
rlm@2
|
144 Seisen stood at the foot of the bed, having successfully managed to prevent
|
rlm@2
|
145 Hotaru's passage into the afterlife by mere moments. He sighed, sitting down on the
|
rlm@2
|
146 chair, exhausted. "If I had been a second later, you would have gone…I'm glad I know
|
rlm@2
|
147 my way around the plane," he spoke to her, though she was asleep, just to break the
|
rlm@2
|
148 uneasy silence.
|
rlm@2
|
149 "You see, when you die your spirit returns here, to the astral plane. You are here
|
rlm@2
|
150 physically, like I told you before, since your spirit makes you whole here." Seisen knew
|
rlm@2
|
151 he was only talking to himself, but it was that or listen to the burning of the torches. "I
|
rlm@2
|
152 found you before you wandered your way into the afterlife…some people find their way
|
rlm@2
|
153 back to the realm of the living, which is why they are ghosts because they have no body
|
rlm@2
|
154 and don't want to be completely dead. So, I stopped your spirit from entering and losing
|
rlm@2
|
155 you forever…now all we have to do is find a new body for you, or have you reborn…
|
rlm@2
|
156 that's going to be hell, let me tell you…we'll worry about that later, just relax…"
|
rlm@2
|
157
|
rlm@2
|
158 Chibi sat in the tub of Makoto's bathroom in the now cooling water. She had been
|
rlm@2
|
159 in there for almost two hours, though she hardly noticed the time. Her skin was
|
rlm@2
|
160 wrinkling, her mind was wandering and her heart was aching. She didn't want to move,
|
rlm@2
|
161 she didn't want to think, she just wanted to be with Hotaru again.
|
rlm@2
|
162 "Chibi…? Are you OK in there?" Usagi asked as she gently knocked on the door.
|
rlm@2
|
163 The blonde was more worried about her daughter than she let on, Hotaru's words echoed
|
rlm@2
|
164 still in her ears, but she didn't understand what they were meaning to tell her.
|
rlm@2
|
165 "Yeah….I'm ok, I think I want to get out now." Chibi said, standing up and
|
rlm@2
|
166 letting the water drip from her body as she pulled the drain plug from the bath. She
|
rlm@2
|
167 watched the water swirling down the drain, but somehow in her mind she pictured
|
rlm@2
|
168 crimson swirls of blood draining down the hole. Her blood. She glanced away quickly.
|
rlm@2
|
169 "Ok…you have your pajamas and everything? We're going to sleep in the living
|
rlm@2
|
170 room, on the sofa…Minako, and Rei will be sleeping in Makoto's room, so we're sharing
|
rlm@2
|
171 with Ami." Usagi leaned her body against the door, her fingertips tracing the pattern of
|
rlm@2
|
172 the wood grain as she waited for Chibi to answer her.
|
rlm@2
|
173 "Yes…" was the only response Chibi gave as she began to towel off, though the
|
rlm@2
|
174 edge of the fabric was caught in the drawer. She sighed as she pulled it open and removed
|
rlm@2
|
175 the towel piece, and just as she was about to close the drawer, a small black object caught
|
rlm@2
|
176 her eye. Reaching in, she removed the black cylinder, which upon further inspection
|
rlm@2
|
177 revealed itself to be a box cutter; the razor still protruding from the top.
|
rlm@2
|
178 Chibi's mind flashed once more to the vision of her blood flowing down the
|
rlm@2
|
179 bathtub drain as she looked over the glint of the steel's edge. "Hotaru…" she said softly,
|
rlm@2
|
180 numbly running her finger over the blade, not so much as wincing as it tore easily
|
rlm@2
|
181 through her skin. "I'll see you soon…" she shoved the blade into the pocket of her
|
rlm@2
|
182 pajama pants and continued to dry herself off.
|
rlm@2
|
183
|
rlm@2
|
184 It was almost 1:00 AM before Usagi finally fell asleep. Ami had been resting for
|
rlm@2
|
185 almost an hour before hand, though Chibi was still awake listening to the thunder rolling
|
rlm@2
|
186 in the distance. The child had been sitting in silence the entire night, weighing the pros
|
rlm@2
|
187 and the cons of the razor in her hand, and though terribly frightened she had chosen to
|
rlm@2
|
188 indeed go through with it.
|
rlm@2
|
189 The chill in the air was undeniable as the child walked her final, self imposed mile
|
rlm@2
|
190 down the dark, lonely hall towards the bathroom; she wanted to do it in the bathtub,
|
rlm@2
|
191 where she wouldn't make a mess for Makoto. Flipping on the light switch, Chibi was
|
rlm@2
|
192 instantly blinded by the fluorescent daggers that sought out her dilated pupils and paused
|
rlm@2
|
193 a moment to let her eyes adjust to the brightness.
|
rlm@2
|
194 "I'll be with you soon, Hotaru…" she whispered to herself as she closed the door
|
rlm@2
|
195 behind her and made very sure it was locked before she took a look at herself in the
|
rlm@2
|
196 mirror. Red, tired eyes stared back at her, alabaster skin stained with the tears that have
|
rlm@2
|
197 since run dry. The child sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of her hand and stepping
|
rlm@2
|
198 over to the tub and sitting herself in it. It was cold. She shivered lightly in the tub, though
|
rlm@2
|
199 she chilled even more when she rolled up her left sleeve, since it was closer to the heart
|
rlm@2
|
200 she figured that it would bleed faster. "I'm sorry mom…everyone," she whispered to
|
rlm@2
|
201 herself as she extended the end of the blade to full length.
|
rlm@2
|
202 As she placed the razor's edge to her skin, she hesitated a moment. It would hurt,
|
rlm@2
|
203 she knew very well, but it was better a moment of physical pain than a lifetime of agony.
|
rlm@2
|
204 "I'm sorry…" the girl whispered again before pressing down on the handle of the box
|
rlm@2
|
205 cutter and driving it as deep as it will go into her soft skin.
|
rlm@2
|
206 White hot pain seared her body as the deep, crimson liquid began to pour from the
|
rlm@2
|
207 small wound on her wrist…it would take too long. Gathering her courage, she roughly
|
rlm@2
|
208 pulled the blade up her arm, moving toward her elbow rather than horizontally across her
|
rlm@2
|
209 wrist, as it would slice the entire vein rather than just a portion of it. With every
|
rlm@2
|
210 centimeter of her skin that tore, it allowed more blood to freely drop into the tub, the tiny
|
rlm@2
|
211 globules soon becoming thick, morbid river that washed her life down the drain.
|
rlm@2
|
212 Unable to take any more pain, Chibi dropped the box cutter with a loud clatter
|
rlm@2
|
213 against the tile floor, sending a few droplets spraying across the white tile.
|
rlm@2
|
214 The sound transmitted easily through the thin walls of Makoto's house, causing a
|
rlm@2
|
215 few of the senshi to awaken. Sitting up in the darkness, Ami rubbed her eyes and
|
rlm@2
|
216 stretched; the clock read almost 1:15 in the morning. "Who is up at such an hour?" she
|
rlm@2
|
217 whispered to herself, though as she stood she realized that Chibi Usa was missing.
|
rlm@2
|
218 "Leave it to her to wake the house…just like her mother." Ami said aloud, pausing to
|
rlm@2
|
219 look over the sleeping Usagi, "That isn't necessarily a bad thing though…" Shaking
|
rlm@2
|
220 herself free from the stare she had placed on the senshi of the moon, Ami began to head
|
rlm@2
|
221 in the direction of the noise.
|
rlm@2
|
222 Ami stepped quietly through the house, and when she reached the bathroom door,
|
rlm@2
|
223 she knocked softly on it, "Is everything ok? I heard a loud noise…" This startled Chibi,
|
rlm@2
|
224 who turned to look at the door a moment, but the room began to spin.
|
rlm@2
|
225 She didn't care anymore, she could hardly focus on anything; not what she was
|
rlm@2
|
226 leaving behind, only what she was going to. Her vision continuing to blur, the child
|
rlm@2
|
227 forced her eyes open a last time, and in her disorientation saw her best friend leaning over
|
rlm@2
|
228 her.
|
rlm@2
|
229 Hotaru's violet eyes were of great comfort to the dying girl, and as she felt a hand
|
rlm@2
|
230 running through her hair, she knew everything was going to be over soon, and she
|
rlm@2
|
231 wouldn't have to feel anything else. "Shh….Chibi," the soldier of Saturn whispered to
|
rlm@2
|
232 her, caressing her face with her pale hand, "Just a moment or two longer."
|
rlm@2
|
233 Hotaru felt selfish…she felt ashamed, and dishonorable for doing this. She knew
|
rlm@2
|
234 she should have stopped her friend from killing herself, but she couldn't. Hotaru wanted
|
rlm@2
|
235 Chibi to be with her. She wanted to see her again, to feel her touch, to know that she
|
rlm@2
|
236 wasn't alone in the darkness. Seisen was someone to talk to, yes, but it wasn't the same.
|
rlm@2
|
237 Nor had the man stopped her from coming back to see Chibi, which led Hotaru to believe
|
rlm@2
|
238 that this was OK with him as well.
|
rlm@2
|
239 "What will happen…?" Chibi mumbled the girl who still stood over her, finding it
|
rlm@2
|
240 very difficult to talk. Her body ached all over as the muscles began to seize, leaving her
|
rlm@2
|
241 to sit stiffly with her friend. Hotaru didn't say anything to her, simply shook her head and
|
rlm@2
|
242 leaned down, nuzzling the smaller girl's face with her own. Chibi shakily raised her
|
rlm@2
|
243 bleeding hand and touched Hotaru's lips with her fingers, causing a smear of blood to run
|
rlm@2
|
244 across them. "Please…" Chibi said, touching her lips again.
|
rlm@2
|
245 The raven haired child nodded to her friend and tilted her face to the side. Just as
|
rlm@2
|
246 her lips met Chibi's, the door unlocked seemingly of it's own will. "Chibi?" Ami called,
|
rlm@2
|
247 though she wasn't heard by either of the two in the room. Hotaru wrapped her arms
|
rlm@2
|
248 around her friend's body and hugged her tightly.
|
rlm@2
|
249 Chibi shuddered a moment, taking a final deep breath before growing still; dying
|
rlm@2
|
250 wrapped in Hotaru's arms never breaking their kiss. "Chibi, I'm coming in." Ami said
|
rlm@2
|
251 again, and the door slowly opened.
|
rlm@2
|
252 The sight that Ami witnessed that day would never be forgotten. Hotaru,
|
rlm@2
|
253 completely restored in her beauty sitting on the ledge of the bathtub holding a bloody
|
rlm@2
|
254 child in her arms. The raven haired ghost turned to look at Ami slowly, her lips smeared
|
rlm@2
|
255 with blood, giving her an even more macabre appearance. "Goodbye Ami…tell my
|
rlm@2
|
256 parents I say the same. I'm sorry I'm so selfish…" and with that, she faded from sight as
|
rlm@2
|
257 Ami began to scream as loud as she could.
|
rlm@2
|
258
|
rlm@2
|
259 "So how does it feel, little one?"
|
rlm@2
|
260 "H-…how does what feel? Where am I?"
|
rlm@2
|
261 "How does it feel to be dead?"
|
rlm@2
|
262 "I'm….dead?"
|
rlm@2
|
263 "Yes…you and Firefly…only there's a problem…"
|
rlm@2
|
264 "Problem….? I don't understand."
|
rlm@2
|
265 "……thou shalt not kill."
|
rlm@2
|
266
|
rlm@2
|
267
|