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rlm@2
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1 Author's note: Hello, everyone! ^-^ This is the second poem type thing
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2 I've written and it's also from Tomoyo's point of view. I admit it's
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3 a little strange, but I was in an awkward mood while I was writing it.
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4 ^-^;;; Anyway, I really hope you all enjoy it at the least. ^-^ If
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5 you have the time, please e-mail me what you think. ^-^
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6
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7 Empty Coffin
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8 By Amazoness Duo
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9 amazonessduo@hotmail.com
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10
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11 When the lights go out, you go to sleep.
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12 And I’m free to finally be myself.
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13 By myself.
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14 But even I don’t know who I am.
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15 I’m left wondering who this person is.
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16 And why she always seems so sad.
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17 Always on the edge of chaos.
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18 Just a tiny push...
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19
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20 No one sees the little girl.
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21 No one sees the tears.
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22 That’s not how I want it.
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23 But is it my fault?
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24 Are the masks I wear too good?
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25 Do they hide me from you so well that you can’t see me?
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26 I demand that you see me for who I am.
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27 That you look past the masks, past the layers to the girl underneath.
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28 That you finally see the tears.
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29 But I know that you can’t.
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30 Because I won’t allow you to.
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31 I stand in the shadows as you pass, letting them envelope me.
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32 Caress me.
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33 Consume me.
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34
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35 I am happy, quirky, thoughtful, helpful.
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36 I am sad, lonely, depressing, suicidal.
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37 I am two halves of one whole.
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38 But I am not complete.
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39 What you see, what you think you see, is not what is in front of you.
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40 You see what I want you to see, what you want to see.
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41 And that girl is not me.
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42 I hate her.
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43 And I know that she hates me.
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44 The same way you would hate me, if you only knew.
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45
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46 Do you know that my smiles are tinged with fear?
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47 That my laughs are covering tears?
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48 That my words cover silence deeper than the rips in my soul?
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49 No, because for you it’s not there.
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50 No one sees me.
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51 No one hears my screams or my sobs.
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52 But that’s all right, I guess.
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53 Because they would never understand.
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54 Because even I don’t understand the girl in the mirror.
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55
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56 I don’t want to be alone.
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57 But I always am.
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58 Even in a crowded room.
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59 A crowd is not company.
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60 They are a gallery of faces.
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61 Just as I am merely a painting, showing only what they want to see,
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62 Hiding the fear, the pain, and insecurities from plain view.
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63
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64 I’m nailed to the floor, calling out a name.
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65 The pain, the heartache, gnaws at my soul as I struggle to escape.
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66 But everyone gets mad, they all get angry when I try.
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67 No one wants me to leave, but no one cares if I stay.
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68 I don’t understand at all.
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69 I don’t want to go, but I have to get out.
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70 I’m trapped in this dungeon, unable to flee the stares that haunt me.
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71 If I stay here much longer, I don’t think I’ll be able to hold up this lie.
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72 I want to be the truth, I want to fly free.
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73 So why won’t anyone let me soar?
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74
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75 If I died tomorrow, no one would notice I was gone.
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76 Just like a shadow, no one ever saw me in the first place.
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77 And they would bury my empty coffin, never thinking to look at the girl who
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78 was never there.
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79 So in the end, I have to wonder if I ever was.
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80 Am I just an afterthought?
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81 Here to give a little shading to the surroundings?
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82 Or was I just never finished?
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83 I’m incomplete, an unfinished product.
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84 All sorts of broken pieces and insecurities and half finished characteristics
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85 hastily thrown together.
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86 I’m in the bargain bin, the finished product will be shipped next Tuesday.
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87 I don’t make sense at all.
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88 I’m contradictory to my very existence.
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89
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90 Icy cold rivers guide my way through a dense forest.
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91 I can’t see my way, the current leading me further and further through the
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92 darkness.
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93 Where am I going and why?
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94 Will I ever know?
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95 Will someone ever tell me?
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96 I want to be your angel.
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97 I want you to hold me, to know me for who I truly am.
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98 But I’m too covered in shadows, draped in darkness.
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99 My dreams are too close to nightmares now.
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100 I’m afraid of myself, afraid of who or what I am.
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101 But I smile.
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102 And still everyone walks past, not seeing me anymore than if I was never there.
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103 And I wonder if that just means I’m successful at masking who I am.
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104 So successful that I can hide from everyone.
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105 That no one will ever know who I really am.
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106 That nothing can touch my cold, shredded heart.
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107 Lucky me.
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108 I’m so happy.
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109 So I’ll cry.
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110
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111 Everyone has secrets that they long to hide.
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112 They forever keep them locked away, hoping that no one will unearth them.
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113 Burying them in the backyard, keeping them hidden by flowers and meaningless
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114 conversation and barbecues.
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115 I am the secret and I’m struggling to get free.
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116 I want you to know me.
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117 I want to get rid of the girl that pretends she’s me,
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118 Smiling and sweet, kind and gentle.
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119 The one you forget while she’s still in the same room as you.
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120 My sweet little twin that makes all of her appearances the few times I’m around
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121 people.
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122 I watch the whole thing from the shadows, unseen by all, but seeing her trying
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123 so hard to please.
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124 If I killed her, would anyone notice?
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125 Of course not.
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126 But then I could be your nightmare.
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127
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128 In the end, what is more real?
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129 The me that everyone sees all day, or the me that only I know?
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130 Seeing is believing and that demon that only appears when the lights are out or
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131 the doors are all closed
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132 Is nothing more than a myth to all those that ‘know’ me.
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133 In that case, believe what you will.
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134 I’ll always be that girl for you.
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135 Smiling and sweet, kind and forgettable.
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136 But inside my empty coffin, I’ll continue to scream into the darkness.
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137 And only I will hear it, through my laughter.
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