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1 Starry, Starry Night
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2 by Amazoness Duo
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3 amazonessduo@hotmail.com
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4
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5
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6
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7 Slam. The door slamming shut fails to startle the usually jumpy
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8 Sakura Kinomoto. Perhaps it is because she’s the reason behind it.
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9 Perhaps it is because the day has been far too long for her. Her
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10 genki spirits are drained, strained to their limit. Even her
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11 seemingly boundless energy has limits, apparently. Or perhaps it is
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12 simply that she doesn’t care.
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13
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14 Her shoes lie sloppily by the door, her body slipping them off only
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15 out of years of habit. There they lay, discarded by their mistress as
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16 she limps off towards her room, a broken prince making her way back
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17 to her conquered kingdom.
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18
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19 “I should have known you were home, monster. You make enough noise
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20 to wake the dead,” her brother says from the couch.
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21
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22 She hardly hears him. Her world is thousands of miles away, a
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23 distant speck in the sky. Everything reaches her from light years
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24 away, travelling an eternity to reach her. For once she doesn’t feel
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25 like arguing. She hasn’t the will to bother. She merely climbs the
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26 stairs, one foot at a time, focussing only on the next step. If her
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27 brother is concerned by her strange behavior, she pays no attention.
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28
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29 Finally returning to her room, the seemingly vanquished Cardmistress
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30 stumbles inside. Her bookbag drops to the floor near her door. She
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31 doesn’t bother changing out of her school uniform. Keeping it nice
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32 and neat, relaxing into something more comfortable, neither matter to
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33 her at the moment. She simply collapses on her bed, her body giving
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34 up its long struggle to reach that point. She lies there, time
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35 standing still. Yet she knows this won’t last. There are more dragons
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36 to slay, after all. There’s still far too much going on for her to
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37 actually rest for long.
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38
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39 The auburn haired girl waits impatiently for the silence to break,
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40 for her rest to come to an abrupt halt. But it continues on, a quiet
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41 purgatory, halfway between peace and the worries that keep stabbing
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42 at her brain for her attention. So apparently Kero isn’t here. She
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43 sighs in relief. She doesn’t think she can deal with the Seal Beast
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44 at the moment. He’s important to her, but she is feeling too
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45 miserable to listen to him right now. He isn’t exactly the best
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46 person to go to when she was feeling like this.
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47
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48 There was one person who could always help when she was like this.
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49 Who always managed to make sense out of her tangled web of feelings,
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50 sorting it all out with an expert hand, never breaking a single
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51 strand, her gentle touch unraveling the spider’s web in her heart
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52 into a single clear thread. But alas, this sorceress of her heart was
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53 far away now.
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54
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55 Life was so much more difficult without someone to turn to when
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56 things went wrong, without someone to subtly lead her in the right
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57 direction. It wasn’t until Tomoyo was gone that she realized how much
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58 she relied on the other girl. She had never felt this weak and
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59 miserable back when Tomoyo had been in her life. No matter how bad
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60 things got, the eccentric heiress could take away her worries with a
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61 few soft words and usually leave her blushing in the process.
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62
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63 Sakura sighs, rolling over onto her back, staring up at her roof. It
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64 was her own fault. She should try harder to stay in touch. But it was
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65 so difficult. Life was so complicated. And Tomoyo always seemed to be
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66 busy with something. And she lived so far away. She had to take a bus
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67 just to reach her house. It had all started when they had entered
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68 high school. Sakura had been surprised when Tomoyo went to a
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69 different high school. She should have known that would happen, but
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70 it still hit her pretty hard. Tomoyo was one of the smartest people
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71 in her class, after all, always getting high marks in everything. But
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72 somehow she had thought Tomoyo would always be there. So they went to
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73 different schools. They both had so much to do. And then Syaoran came
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74 back and Tomoyo got even busier for some reason. It had been quite a
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75 while since Sakura had last seen her dark haired friend. That thought
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76 sends a cold chill through her. She feels guilty and lonely all at
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77 the same time.
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78
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79 Turning her head, Sakura gazes at her phone. Spellbound, she reaches
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80 for it. But she can’t call her. It would only seem like she only came
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81 to her when she needed help. She should wait until this had passed.
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82 So that she could call Tomoyo simply to call her, for nothing else.
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83 Yes, that’s a good idea.
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84
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85 But it’s too late. The phone is already ringing. Sakura must have
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86 dialed while she was thinking about all that. She must have been more
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87 eager to call than even she had realized. She sits anxiously, her
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88 heart fluttering nervously in her chest. It had been weeks. What
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89 should she say? What will Tomoyo think? What has she been up to? The
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90 phone rings and rings. Sakura breaths a sigh of mixed relief and
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91 disappointment. Tomoyo must not be home. She wants to hear her, but
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92 at least this solves her problem of calling when she can’t handle
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93 things without her friend’s delicate touch.
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94
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95 “Moshi moshi,” a soft voice answers on the other end of the phone.
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96
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97 Sakura freezes. She doesn’t know how long it is before she answers,
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98 but it feels like a lifetime. She swallows nervously and speaks
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99 haltingly into the phone. “Hi.. ano... Tomoyo-chan? Is.. Are you..
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100 This is Sakura-chan.” She blinks, wondering just how stupid she
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101 sounds. But her thoughts fail her. She can’t think. In panic, she
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102 almost wants to hang up and pretend she didn’t call. Maybe Tomoyo
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103 will think it was a wrong number. Well, if she hadn’t mentioned her
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104 name.
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105
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106 A small giggle on the other end. “I’d remember your voice anywhere,
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107 Sakura-chan. It’s so wonderful to hear from you again.” Dark hair
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108 gets pushed behind her ear as she repositions the phone. “You sound
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109 just as beautiful as I remember.” A soft sigh. “How have you been,
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110 Sakura-chan?”
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111
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112 “I’ve been all right,” Sakura says, though she certainly doesn’t
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113 feel all right. But it was accurate enough. She may not have been her
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114 best lately, but she could have been much worse, right? “Just busy, I
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115 guess. High school’s a lot harder than I expected. Especially without
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116 you there to help me understand some of the lessons. I probably
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117 wouldn’t have even passed the entrance exams without you helping me
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118 study for them.”
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119
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120 The other girl shakes her head, not believing the praise. “Sakura-
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121 chan would have done just fine on her own. You would have rushed at
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122 the last moment without me, but you would have passed them all just
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123 fine. And I’m sure your father’s still proud of your grades even
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124 without me to help you. You’re very bright, Sakura-chan. You just
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125 don’t pay attention enough to certain things because your mind is
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126 always elsewhere. But I would never want to change that. It’s too
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127 cute to get rid of. So I don’t think anyone would mind if your grades
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128 suffer just a bit because of it. It’s who you are.”
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129
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130 A small smile plays at Sakura’s lips. She rolls on her side, her
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131 legs pulling up to her stomach. “Thank you, Tomoyo-chan. I guess I
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132 haven’t been paying as much attention as I could. But there’s always
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133 so much to think about. It’s hard to focus on the lessons all the
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134 time.”
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135
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136 Tomoyo giggles. “See? So my Sakura-chan has nothing to worry about.
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137 You’ll do just fine, I promise.”
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138
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139 Sakura nods, starting to believe it. “It always feels like that when
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140 I talk to you. Like it really will be all right. ‘Everything will
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141 always be all right,’ ne, Tomoyo-chan?”
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142
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143 “Of course it will, Sakura-chan. You just have to keep believing
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144 that. You will make it all work out. That’s your own special type of
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145 magic. Never give up. You can overcome anything. I have faith in you.
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146 I know everything will be all right for you,” Tomoyo replies
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147 comfortingly.
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148
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149 Emerald eyes close, the world slipping away. She holds onto Tomoyo’s
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150 voice, her only anchor to the world. It laps about her like a gentle
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151 wave, caressing away the aches and pains in her heart. “But what
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152 about you?” she asks, not even sure why. But the way Tomoyo said
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153 that... She wants things to work out for her best friend, too. Not
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154 only herself. Otherwise what was the point?
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155
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156 There’s a pause on the other end. It’s only for half a second, but
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157 it feels so long for Tomoyo. But when she replies, she sounds like
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158 her normal eccentric self. “If everything is all right for Sakura-
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159 chan, then everything will be fine for me. Because then I’ll know
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160 you’re happy. That’s all I really want.”
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161
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162 Sakura swallows painfully, her eyes closing tighter. “Tomoyo-chan...
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163 I’m sorry I haven’t seen you in a while.”
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164
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165 The heiress gingerly brushes away the apology. “Please don’t worry,
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166 Sakura-chan. I know you’ve been busy. Especially with Li-kun back.
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167 You have a lot going on in your life. You finally have a love life
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168 now on top of everything else, after all.”
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169
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170 This time it’s Sakura’s turn to pause. She hadn’t known how to
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171 explain that. Or what to say about it. Or even where to begin. “You
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172 know that Li-kun is here?”
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173
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174 “Hai,” Tomoyo replies. “Meiling-chan told me. We’ve been keeping in
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175 contact. I’ve been writing her some letters. I think she’s needed
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176 someone to talk to who understands. She isn’t taking Li-kun being in
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177 love with you very well. But don’t worry, Sakura-chan. She’s a strong
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178 girl. She reminds me of my mother. I think she’ll be just fine.” What
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179 Tomoyo doesn’t mention is how her mother had handled the loss of her
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180 own love. If Meiling takes the same path, then she probably won’t
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181 ever be on good terms with Sakura. But there is no point in worrying
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182 the Cardmistress about such things.
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183
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184 “But.. I need you..” Sakura whispers, barely audibly. She feels a
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185 tinge of jealousy that Meiling was getting Tomoyo’s letters, getting
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186 Tomoyo’s support when she wanted it herself. She misses it terribly,
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187 having the dark haired girl there with her, to catch her when she
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188 stumbled, to help push her forward when she wasn’t strong enough
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189 herself. She wasn’t the same without Tomoyo there beside her. Tomoyo
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190 brought out things inside of her that made life so much more amazing.
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191 Life on her own felt so tedious. It was too normal, too boring
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192 without the cute girl videotaping her every movement, whispering
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193 embarrassing things to her, giving her all the love and support she
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194 could need.
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195
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196 “Sakura-chan?”
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197
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198 Sakura shakes her head, swallowing again and again to force down the
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199 knot in her throat. She shouldn’t cry now. Tomoyo was her friend. She
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200 didn’t need to worry about her problems when she was so busy. She
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201 tries to speak, but she stops herself, her voice about to break.
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202 She’ll cry if she says something, she knows it.
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203
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204 “Sakura-chan?” Tomoyo says, more anxiously this time. “Are you all
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205 right? What’s been happening? What’s wrong?” Her voice is still a
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206 whisper, but now it’s stronger, trying to make sure it gets to
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207 Sakura. Sakura is supposed to be happy now. Things are supposed to be
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208 working out for her. But there are tears laced under Sakura’s words.
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209 Something is bothering her auburn haired friend. And she hadn’t been
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210 there to help it. She had been trying to step back from Sakura’s
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211 life, leaving her in Syaoran’s capable hands. At least, she had
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212 thought they were capable. But if that was the case, why wasn’t
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213 Sakura going to him right now? She wants to reach out and hold the
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214 other girl, but all she can do is wait for the silence to end.
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215
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216 “He’s... I’ve just been...” Sakura swallows again, blinking again
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217 and again. The tears sting at her eyes as she struggles to find her
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218 voice. But she can’t use magic to return it the way she had
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219 recaptured Tomoyo’s voice. Her teary eyes blink open. On her desk she
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220 sees a picture of herself with her boyfriend, his face scowling even
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221 in the picture of the two of them. Just as he always did. Those amber
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222 eyes looking into her own so uncomfortably. But when she closed her
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223 eyes on those starry, starry nights, she didn’t see those amber eyes.
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224 Those eyes could not read her soul. They couldn’t see into her heart.
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225 They didn’t blaze passionately the way the beautiful stormy blue eyes
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226 in her mind did, the ones she gazed into under the moonlight in her
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227 dreams. “Sometimes I wish you had been a boy. Then maybe you would
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228 have fallen in love with me.” Sakura laughs weakly, only half joking.
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229 “You always understood me. You were always there for me. I always
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230 felt safe with you. Like it didn't matter that my feelings were
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231 always so confusing. You helped me sort them out. You took such great
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232 care of my heart. Like it was a delicate treasure.”'
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233
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234 "I wouldn't need to be a boy to fall in love with you, Sakura-chan,"
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235 Tomoyo's soft voice whispers through the phone. It is so quiet that
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236 Sakura has to strain to hear her now.
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237
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238 The Cardmistress finds herself blushing once again. But this time
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239 she doesn’t try to ignore it. She won’t just push it off this time.
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240 “Really?” she asks, almost desperately. She was afraid what she had
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241 said about Tomoyo being a boy would sound stupid or embarrassing. But
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242 the dark haired girl had soothed away her worries again with her
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243 response. Had, in fact, sprung up some hope in Sakura’s heart. “I
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244 didn’t realize how happy you made me until I stopped seeing you,
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245 Tomoyo-chan. I miss you. I miss you so much.” Sakura feels hot tears
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246 slip down her cheeks as she rolls onto her back again, a hand over
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247 her heart.
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248
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249 Tomoyo blinks weakly. She is having trouble focussing. Everything
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250 feels so hazy and dreamlike. She’s so tired, but she pushes past that
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251 as best she can. A warm smile lights up her face. “I’ve missed you,
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252 too, Sakura-chan. More than you could ever know. You’re all I ever
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253 think about. You always made me happy, too. All of my happiest times
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254 were with you.”
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255
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256 “Tomoyo-chan...” Sakura clutches the phone tightly, her heart
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257 rumbling in her chest. There is so much she wants to say, but she
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258 doesn’t even know where to begin. Her feelings are all a jumble, just
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259 as always. But maybe that isn’t such a bad thing. Tomoyo always
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260 understood before. Even when she herself didn’t know what lay in her
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261 heart.
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262
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263 “Sakura-chan... I’ll always love you...” Tomoyo whispers sleepily,
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264 her voice barely carrying over the phone. She looks blearily at her
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265 mother’s letter opener, wiping away the fresh blood from it with
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266 weak, numb fingers. The phone ringing had barely managed to catch her
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rlm@2
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267 attention after she had used it to etch out a ticket away from her
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rlm@2
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268 life. Life without Sakura was too empty. It was like getting a taste
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rlm@2
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269 of heaven and then being snatched away, separated from that bliss. It
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rlm@2
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270 is so nice to hear Sakura one last time, she thinks tiredly. What a
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rlm@2
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271 perfect goodbye present. It’s a good thing that Sakura can’t see her
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rlm@2
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272 bloody and in her nightgown in bed. Her poor Cardmistress wouldn’t
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rlm@2
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273 take that well at all. So this way, she could find a softer way of
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rlm@2
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274 saying goodbye. She tries so hard to keep thinking, but it’s all
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rlm@2
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275 getting so much more difficult. Her room seems so far away. The last
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rlm@2
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276 thing she hears is Sakura’s beautiful voice ringing in her ears. The
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rlm@2
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277 voice of an angel. Her angel.
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rlm@2
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278
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rlm@2
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279 And as always, Tomoyo somehow hands Sakura the missing piece. Things
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rlm@2
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280 slowly begin to fit. A beautiful picture begins to take shape, it’s
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rlm@2
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281 implications almost too much for Sakura to take in all at once. No,
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rlm@2
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282 she hadn’t been in love with Syaoran after all. He wasn’t the one who
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rlm@2
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283 nurtured her heart, who shared her deepest joys and darkest sorrows.
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rlm@2
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284 He wasn’t the one who loved her for all that she was. The puzzle
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rlm@2
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285 slowly completed itself in her mind’s eye. It held a gorgeous picture
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rlm@2
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286 of a girl with deep blue eyes and snow white skin, dark hair flowing
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rlm@2
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287 about her. Tomoyo. It had always been Tomoyo. That’s why her life
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rlm@2
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288 wasn’t working without her. She truly does need the dark haired
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rlm@2
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289 heiress. More than she could possibly imagine. “I love you, too,
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rlm@2
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290 Tomoyo-chan...” she answers, her cheeks red. It feels so freeing to
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rlm@2
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291 say it, to let it out. Yes, she loves her. Boy or not. It didn’t
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rlm@2
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292 matter. Tomoyo completed her life. Without her, everything was chaos.
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rlm@2
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293 She waits anxiously for Tomoyo’s reply, but nothing comes. The phone
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rlm@2
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294 slowly slips away from the dark haired girl’s dead fingers,
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rlm@2
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295 clattering to the floor. “Tomoyo-chan?” Sakura asks. No response.
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rlm@2
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296 “Tomoyo-chan?” Perhaps Tomoyo had fallen asleep. She had sounded so
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rlm@2
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297 tired on the phone, so weak and quiet. Yes, that’s it. Sakura listens
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rlm@2
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298 intently, but she can’t even hear Tomoyo’s gentle breathing on the
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rlm@2
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299 other end. “Tomoyo-chan?” Still nothing. It’s as if the world has
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rlm@2
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300 gone silent on the other end of the phone.
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rlm@2
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301
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rlm@2
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302 “Tomoyo-chan? I love you...”
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rlm@2
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303
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rlm@2
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304 Click. |
