rlm@1: <html>
rlm@1: <head>
rlm@1: <title>error-daemon@aurellem:</title>
rlm@1: <style type="text/css">
rlm@1: html,body{margin:0;padding:0;}
rlm@1: body{font:100% monospace;line-height:1.2em;}
rlm@1:
rlm@1: body{background:black;color:white;}
rlm@1: em{color:#444;font-style:normal; background:white;}
rlm@1: em{background:inherit;color:inherit;color:#fcc;}
rlm@1: </style>
rlm@3: <script type="text/javascript" src="/aurellem/js/jquery.min.js"></script>
rlm@1:
rlm@1: <script type="text/javascript">
rlm@1: var caret;
rlm@1:
rlm@1: // caret functions
rlm@1:
rlm@1: function Caret(){
rlm@1: this.obj = null;
rlm@1: this.txt = "";
rlm@1: this.glyph = "_";
rlm@1: this.glyph = "█";
rlm@1: this.gylph_mode = false;
rlm@1: this.queue = new Array();//queue of things to type next
rlm@1:
rlm@1: this.attach = function(elt){this.obj = elt;}
rlm@1: this.refresh = function(){
rlm@1: $(this.obj).html(this.txt + (this.glyph_mode ? this.glyph : ""));
rlm@1: }
rlm@1: this.stall = function(n){
rlm@1: for(i=0;i<n;i++){this.instantly('##')};// ## is used to mean Stall for one increment
rlm@1: }
rlm@1: this.blink = function(){
rlm@1: this.glyph_mode = !this.glyph_mode;
rlm@1: this.refresh();
rlm@1: }
rlm@1: this.keystroke = function(str){this.queue = this.queue.concat(str.split(""));}
rlm@1: this.instantly = function(str){this.queue.push(str)}
rlm@1: this.newline = function(str){this.instantly('<br>');}
rlm@1: this.prompt = function(){this.instantly('<em>error-daemon@aurellem:$</em> ');}
rlm@1:
rlm@1: this.type = function(){
rlm@1: if(this.queue.length > 0){
rlm@1: var x = this.queue.shift();
rlm@1: if(x != "##"){this.txt += x;}
rlm@1: this.refresh();
rlm@1: }
rlm@1: }
rlm@1: }
rlm@1:
rlm@1:
rlm@1:
rlm@1: function error_404(){
rlm@1:
rlm@1: caret.instantly("**** ERROR 404: PAGE NOT FOUND");
rlm@1:
rlm@1: caret.newline();
rlm@1: caret.prompt();
rlm@1: caret.stall(80);
rlm@1: caret.keystroke("I regret to inform you that the page you have requested does not exist on our servers at this time.");
rlm@1:
rlm@1: caret.newline();
rlm@1: caret.prompt();
rlm@1: caret.stall(40);
rlm@1: caret.keystroke("Preliminary analysis, building on previously acquired data, indicates that some form of human error is to blame. ");
rlm@1: caret.stall(20);
rlm@1: caret.keystroke("Furthermore, all available data indicate that computer involvement of any kind is extremely unlikely.");
rlm@1: caret.stall(20);
rlm@1:
rlm@1: caret.keystroke(" Possible human errors include:");
rlm@1: caret.newline();
rlm@1: caret.prompt();
rlm@1: caret.stall(40);
rlm@1: caret.instantly(" ");
rlm@1: caret.keystroke("1. The authors of aurellem, both of whom are are manifestly human, may have directed you, the user, to a nonexistent page.");
rlm@1:
rlm@1: caret.newline();
rlm@1: caret.prompt();
rlm@1: caret.stall(40);
rlm@1: caret.instantly(" ");
rlm@1: caret.keystroke("2. The authors of another webpage, many of whom are manifestly human, may have directed you, the user, to a nonexistent page.");
rlm@1:
rlm@1: caret.newline();
rlm@1: caret.prompt();
rlm@1: caret.stall(40);
rlm@1: caret.instantly(" ");
rlm@1: caret.keystroke("3. You, the user, ");
rlm@1: caret.stall(40);
rlm@1: caret.keystroke("manifestly human");
rlm@1: caret.stall(20);
rlm@1: caret.keystroke(", may have directed yourself to a nonexistent page.");
rlm@1:
rlm@1:
rlm@1: caret.newline();
rlm@1: caret.prompt();
rlm@1: caret.stall(40);
rlm@1: caret.keystroke("Please be advised that you or another human may have subjected you to malice and/or incompetence by directing you to request a page that does not exist on our servers at this time.");
rlm@1: caret.stall(20);caret.newline();caret.keystroke("Please be advised that this incident has been reported and that the responsible parties are being determined. ");
rlm@1: caret.stall(40);
rlm@1: caret.instantly("*****Have a nice day.*****");
rlm@1: caret.stall(60);
rlm@1: caret.instantly("<br><br>Connection to aurellem closed.");
rlm@1: }
rlm@1:
rlm@1:
rlm@1: $(document).ready(function(){
rlm@1: caret = new Caret();
rlm@1: caret.attach($('body'));
rlm@1: caret.refresh();
rlm@1:
rlm@1: error_404();
rlm@1:
rlm@1: // blinking cursor
rlm@1: (function(){caret.blink();setTimeout(String("("+arguments.callee+")()"),500);})();
rlm@1: // typing text
rlm@1: (function(){caret.type();setTimeout(String("("+arguments.callee+")()"),40);})();
rlm@1:
rlm@1:
rlm@1:
rlm@1: });
rlm@1:
rlm@1: </script>
rlm@1:
rlm@1: </head>
rlm@1: <body>
rlm@1: testsetahslkfashdljkasdfhkljasdhflskadfhlksadfhlkasdfhlkajsdfhlkasdfhlaksdfhlkjadfhalkjsdfhkalsdfhlkj
rlm@1: <em>TESERHKSJLDFHKSJLDF</em>
rlm@1: </body>
rlm@1:
rlm@1: </html>