Mercurial > aurellem
view html/err.html @ 106:a5539998efaf tip
change order of stuff.
author | Robert McIntyre <rlm@mit.edu> |
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date | Mon, 24 Oct 2016 11:48:04 -0700 |
parents | 6ab1effc3a88 |
children |
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1 <html>2 <head>3 <title>error-daemon@aurellem:</title>4 <style type="text/css">5 html,body{margin:0;padding:0;}6 body{font:100% monospace;line-height:1.2em;}8 body{background:black;color:white;}9 em{color:#444;font-style:normal; background:white;}10 em{background:inherit;color:inherit;color:#fcc;}11 </style>12 <script type="text/javascript" src="/aurellem/js/jquery.min.js"></script>14 <script type="text/javascript">15 var caret;17 // caret functions19 function Caret(){20 this.obj = null;21 this.txt = "";22 this.glyph = "_";23 this.glyph = "█";24 this.gylph_mode = false;25 this.queue = new Array();//queue of things to type next27 this.attach = function(elt){this.obj = elt;}28 this.refresh = function(){29 $(this.obj).html(this.txt + (this.glyph_mode ? this.glyph : ""));30 }31 this.stall = function(n){32 for(i=0;i<n;i++){this.instantly('##')};// ## is used to mean Stall for one increment33 }34 this.blink = function(){35 this.glyph_mode = !this.glyph_mode;36 this.refresh();37 }38 this.keystroke = function(str){this.queue = this.queue.concat(str.split(""));}39 this.instantly = function(str){this.queue.push(str)}40 this.newline = function(str){this.instantly('<br>');}41 this.prompt = function(){this.instantly('<em>error-daemon@aurellem:$</em> ');}43 this.type = function(){44 if(this.queue.length > 0){45 var x = this.queue.shift();46 if(x != "##"){this.txt += x;}47 this.refresh();48 }49 }50 }54 function error_404(){56 caret.instantly("**** ERROR 404: PAGE NOT FOUND");58 caret.newline();59 caret.prompt();60 caret.stall(80);61 caret.keystroke("I regret to inform you that the page you have requested does not exist on our servers at this time.");63 caret.newline();64 caret.prompt();65 caret.stall(40);66 caret.keystroke("Preliminary analysis, building on previously acquired data, indicates that some form of human error is to blame. ");67 caret.stall(20);68 caret.keystroke("Furthermore, all available data indicate that computer involvement of any kind is extremely unlikely.");69 caret.stall(20);71 caret.keystroke(" Possible human errors include:");72 caret.newline();73 caret.prompt();74 caret.stall(40);75 caret.instantly(" ");76 caret.keystroke("1. The authors of aurellem, both of whom are are manifestly human, may have directed you, the user, to a nonexistent page.");78 caret.newline();79 caret.prompt();80 caret.stall(40);81 caret.instantly(" ");82 caret.keystroke("2. The authors of another webpage, many of whom are manifestly human, may have directed you, the user, to a nonexistent page.");84 caret.newline();85 caret.prompt();86 caret.stall(40);87 caret.instantly(" ");88 caret.keystroke("3. You, the user, ");89 caret.stall(40);90 caret.keystroke("manifestly human");91 caret.stall(20);92 caret.keystroke(", may have directed yourself to a nonexistent page.");95 caret.newline();96 caret.prompt();97 caret.stall(40);98 caret.keystroke("Please be advised that you or another human may have subjected you to malice and/or incompetence by directing you to request a page that does not exist on our servers at this time.");99 caret.stall(20);caret.newline();caret.keystroke("Please be advised that this incident has been reported and that the responsible parties are being determined. ");100 caret.stall(40);101 caret.instantly("*****Have a nice day.*****");102 caret.stall(60);103 caret.instantly("<br><br>Connection to aurellem closed.");104 }107 $(document).ready(function(){108 caret = new Caret();109 caret.attach($('body'));110 caret.refresh();112 error_404();114 // blinking cursor115 (function(){caret.blink();setTimeout(String("("+arguments.callee+")()"),500);})();116 // typing text117 (function(){caret.type();setTimeout(String("("+arguments.callee+")()"),40);})();121 });123 </script>125 </head>126 <body>127 testsetahslkfashdljkasdfhkljasdhflskadfhlksadfhlkasdfhlkajsdfhlkasdfhlaksdfhlkjadfhalkjsdfhkalsdfhlkj128 <em>TESERHKSJLDFHKSJLDF</em>129 </body>131 </html>